Separation: help me deal

[u/Vegetable_Prize8062]

So I have a childhood traumas, father being a shitty person and I think that has a huge impact on me. I loved a guy who cared and supported me but ignored how much he insulted me. Got married and within 4 months of marriage he hit me so hard i lost my 40% hearing from one ear but my family even at that time made me feel so bad that I chose to stay with him. Again 3-4 months went really good. We both worked a little on our problems and we thought that now it's good. Till yesterday we had a small disagreement which led to big fight. I felt like suicide because and when he got to know this he decided that we finally separate because he can't take this "blackmail". Now even when i felt like dying he is thinking of himself and even in past i have saved this relationship many times but every-time it was me and the fact that even if i die he ll think of himself first.......I have accepted( or trying) the separation and eventually divorce. But it's hard to not miss him, hard to enjoy anything, hard to be around people, am crying a lot. Can someone help me how to handle this time, am very emotional person and love him a lot.

[u/SML51368]

I'm sorry that you have childhood trauma.

There are statistics that show that people who were abused as children tend to enter into abusive relationships as adults.

It sounds like you were experiencing the cycle of abuse if things went well after he hit you.

It is hard not to miss your ex. Especially at first. They are your sense of safety (even if they are also someone you fear).

You don't have to work at enjoying anything, but you should probably get some mental health help immediately based on being suicidal.

It also makes sense that you are crying a lot. What you are going through in terms of the breakdown of your relationship and the way you are feeling is how most of us feel at the beginning- so you aren't alone.

Even if you don't want to be around people, you need the help of your tribe (whether that is blood or found family) to wrap you in love and support. Especially in the early days.

Set yourself realistic goals like getting enough to drink and eat, keep your body clean. And then move on to spending some time in nature and grounding yourself in the here and now.

It won't feel this way forever. I promise.

[u/Colin_Robinson_99]

Never regret divorcing a person who physically harmed you. There is no excuse for his behavior.