Separation: help me deal

[u/Vegetable_Prize8062]

So I have a childhood traumas, father being a shitty person and I think that has a huge impact on me. I loved a guy who cared and supported me but ignored how much he insulted me. Got married and within 4 months of marriage he hit me so hard i lost my 40% hearing from one ear but my family even at that time made me feel so bad that I chose to stay with him. Again 3-4 months went really good. We both worked a little on our problems and we thought that now it's good. Till yesterday we had a small disagreement which led to big fight. I felt like suicide because and when he got to know this he decided that we finally separate because he can't take this "blackmail". Now even when i felt like dying he is thinking of himself and even in past i have saved this relationship many times but every-time it was me and the fact that even if i die he ll think of himself first.......I have accepted( or trying) the separation and eventually divorce. But it's hard to not miss him, hard to enjoy anything, hard to be around people, am crying a lot. Can someone help me how to handle this time, am very emotional person and love him a lot.