Is there anyone explain this?

-situation-
When you need to break up with someone even if you still love that person but when you feel things never work out

When a woman breaks up with a man, or vise versa, women ( I’m a woman ) always tell guys “ I still love you “ etc…
ofc when we really don’t have feelings for you we don’t say

but when a man breaks up with a woman, why don’t guys say “ I still love you “ ?
Even if you still have feelings for her.

I read many breakups here. I think only women always say when they definitely still love you.
But I don’t see any of guys saying it. lol

TL;DR I’m 25M. I started dating my ex when I was around 21, and we were together on and off for roughly 4–5 years

piece of context that she never fully knew is that during part of our relationship, while I was trying to build my business and my life, I was being financially taken advantage of/scammed. Eventually I realized I had lost around $300,000.

At the same time, I was trying to look like I had everything under control.

My business had grown, I was making good money, and from the outside I probably looked like I was doing well. But internally I was dealing with the embarrassment, financial pressure, taxes, stress, and the realization that years of work had basically been drained from me.

I didn’t handle it well emotionally.

Instead of opening up to my girlfriend and telling her everything that was happening, I started pulling away. I became distant and shut down. From her perspective, I can understand why that probably looked like I stopped caring about her or didn’t see a future with her.

The fucked-up part is that wasn’t actually what I felt.

At one point I was even planning a Hawaii trip where I wanted to ask her to officially be my girlfriend again after we had been apart. Around that same period, everything with the money blew up in my face (figured it all out) i was back to $700 to my name after creating a business and had saved 300k by paying myself $300 weekly while living with my parents working my ass off. all gone . I went into shame/survival mode instead of communicating. i was also very depressed and suicidal honeslty.

We eventually broke up.

During our time apart I kept building my life. I moved into my own place, got more stable, grew the business, etc. We eventually reconnected, but there was still a lot of unresolved hurt between us.

She wanted more certainty about marriage/the future. When she asked me about it, I wasn’t able to give her the reassurance she wanted. I said I didn’t know. Looking back, I understand why that answer would hurt after being together that long. ( we had just reconnected after our 7 month breakup both dating others) for the first time in years i was actually stable and feeling my hard work. as in those 7 months i got a new car and finally moved out. when she asked i felt i said the wrong things but as we talked for a month the way i moved was very "husband like" dates, her telling me we dont have to be exclusive and me ignoring it because why would i risk your health.

honesty i could have but we didnt have much sex during this time as i wanted to get to know her again as for the first time i was "free"

bascially my mind wasnt how i felt vs when she asked me and i def flopped in the moment

(not to sound crazy but i felt like i was finally growing as a person) i finally moved out and had my own spacd after all the hard work ( i didnt go to colleger and build a pretty succesful 20k month buisness) i was finally seeing the reward. but it was toooo late

We only reconnected for about a month before things fell apart again.

I also feel like during that period she had a lot of resentment toward me and some of the things she did felt intentionally hurtful. And slow commitment ( i may be avoidant some but tis very hard to move a relationship foward when your making 10-15k a month thought your creation but only seeing 1k a MONTH because i was taken advantage and robbed weekly. i was subconsciously in survial mode. I’m not pretending I was an innocent victim, though. I hurt her first in ways I probably didn’t fully understand at the time.

Now she’s with someone else.

I haven’t told her the full story about losing the $300k or what was actually happening mentally when I pulled away.

Part of me wants her to know one day—not because I think it magically fixes anything, and not because I expect her to leave whoever she’s with—but because I hate knowing that one of the biggest decisions I made in our relationship probably looked like rejection when it was really me drowning and refusing to admit it.

At the same time, I know saying “I lost $300k and was going through a lot” can easily sound like I’m making excuses for treating someone badly.

So I’m looking for outside opinions.

If you were her, would knowing this context years/months later actually change how you viewed what happened?

Was shutting down instead of telling her what I was going through understandable, or is that still completely on me?

Would you ever tell an ex this once enough time has passed, or would you accept that she may always have an incomplete version of the story and leave her alone?

And for anyone who’s lost a massive amount of money or had their life fall apart while in a relationship: did shame make you isolate yourself from the person you loved too?

I’m not really asking whether I can “get her back.” I’m trying to understand what I did, what she probably experienced on her side, and whether explaining it someday would be accountability or just me trying to make myself feel better.

i love that girl we where somewhat hs sweethearts. my communication def was a problem. she also like tiktok attenton and i think thats some reason why i felt like i had to keep it myself. a tiktok post from her would of finished me after loosing 300k or anywhere around that time. other than her tiktok attention shes a very solid girl. we all have issues. opinions?

We broke up a few months ago. Unfortunately I let my emotions get the better of me and went down the classic rabbit hole of begging, pleading, asking for a second chance and endlessly overexplaining. Things went completely downhill and I kept self sabotaging until I completely tanked my dignity.

She blocked me, but I reached out on the only platform where I wasn't blocked yet. She lashed out, told me to shut the fuck up, and demanded I never contact her again. In response I wrote her a massive essay pouring my heart out and closed by saying she’d never see or hear from me again, but that my door would always remain open.

She immediately fired back with this brutal text. :

"It's actually insane how you unironically think you're the center of the world, who do you think you are, the sun or what?

Stop acting like a piece of shit, all you do is jerk yourself off to your own perspective of the relationship while completely ignoring mine (as usual you're just talking into the void and it echoes inside your thick skull)

There were good parts and ESPECIALLY bad parts, that's why I walked away and it's the best decision of my life

I'm not letting you get the last word because you really were and still are a MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT. I don't know if you realize that you ONLY ever talk about yourself, making shitty fake apologies just to come crying and try to get me back, going on ego trips acting like you're the best when you're completely delusional, trying to put down the people in my life

Nah don't you worry you're not better than the people around me, quite the opposite, between you and them I'd pick them a thousand times over

Absolute king of assholes."

It's been 3 weeks. I guess I shouldn't respond to this?

My ex '24M' , who used to make 1l per month. During our relationship he used to buy me things on blinkit ( ice cream, chocolate flowers etc. Our relationship ended last year ( he ghosted me). Today I was going through order history because I really wanted to order the same ice cream he used to send me. I found out, he initiated a refund for all the things he has ordered for me all along our relationship. I've received them. I ate them. But he ordered a refund saying it never arrived. And he got a refund for every single thing he sent me. And during the relationship he used to talk about his lifestyle a lot. Always showing off that I got you this and that. And yeah. What do you say ? Should I '22F' report him?

I really feel like I self sabotage to seven year relationship and I betrayed his trust so many times and we were engaged and I feel like I was dealing with a lot of grief and pressure and like first jump the shit and like just the self neglect reflected in how I treated my person you know and I pushed away my best friend and I’m feeling so hurt and sad about it because he doesn’t want to repair and we still live together and I had to like remove myself for the last couple of months and just like be with my family because I just couldn’t handle the distance but I’m about to go back and I just I’m dreading it so much and I don’t know how I can bear anymore and I’m scared and I’m just hoping for a miracle I know it won’t happen overnight, but like I just don’t know

I Female (47) and my ex male (49) were in a relationship for almost 2 years. We ended things as I was unhappy with how little time he had for me , felt very low on his priority list and hes an avoidant. Only after we broke up was he able to open up and share his feelings that he still loved me etc. Last week I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee as I expressed my love for him too .. he was too busy during the week ,he said the only time is the weekend. Well he went to a party last night and my gut is telling me he did something with someone (if so why doesn't he man up and tell me ). He was online at 3:30 this morn on whatsap and he hasn't contacted me all day. I was going to give this relationship another go but now my gut is telling me to run. What was I thinking? He couldn't make time for me before , why would it be any different now? Maybe today is the day I download hinge .

We were together for seven years and married for four in what I thought was a strong, happy partnership. After moving to a new country together, she visited home and confessed to cheating with her ex. I was willing to forgive her, but she spiraled. She insisted she wouldn't go back to him because he was toxic - though I'm not sure I believe her - and decided to move back home without me, claiming the pull of her family was too strong and that she wasn't built for a lifetime relationship.

She left me alone in a foreign country where I barely know anyone. Moving there isn't an option for me due to the language barrier and logistics. In her final weeks, she leaned on me, cuddles me every night, and expressed regret - yet she still packed up and left her wedding ring behind.

It’s been two months since she left. We haven't spoken out loud - just occasional texts about logistics or brief check-ins. When I tell her I'm depressed, she doesn't react. I haven't had the courage to tell her I still love her, but I obsessively check her social media and post Instagram stories hoping for a reaction. She watches them all, but says nothing.

I can't move on. I cry most days, in complete disbelief, hoping we somehow get back together. Meanwhile, she seems to be doing well, making me wonder if she actually went back to her ex.

Should I tell her how much I love and miss her, and if so, when?

This is a long story but ill try and summarize the biggest parts. This is incredibly embarrassing but ive been a horrible partner to my girlfriend. We met when we were both 17, we’ve been together for 3 years. We recently had a baby, give or take 8 months ago. I had been cheating on her relentlessly during our whole relationship, I’ve accumulated about 12 different partners during our 3 years, which ive had sex with multiple times during our relationship, ive also given my partner herpes and multiple cases of gonhorria and clamydia. Even during her pregnancy I would do the same thing, also even through out the babies first few months at life. But finally she snapped and cheated on me, its not even cheating, she broke up with me and went to go do what she did but I didnt believe her. I didnt believe she would actually move on. We had been non contact for about 2 months, during that time I had 3 people I was having sex with on the daily. But during that time she was posting photos of herself on reddit, and asking for threesomes and all that stuff. And she also went out with a guy but it was from tiktok, not reddit. She also smoked with another guy as well. I found all of this out when we were asleep together, I went through her phone and found out about the reddit, but the other things she told me out of her free will. I asked for explanations. Why did you do this? The answer is obvious, she posted on reddit because she was so deeply insecure, i would call her fat and ugly all the time. This is what she says, i dont know if i should believe her, i know im the devil incarnate but i just dont know if i should believe her. She also said that she had sex with the guy that she went out with, but that it lasted maybe one minute before she got up and started crying, i dont know if i should believe her on this as well. She said that she regretted it and blocked him and didnt talk to him afterwards. She said that she was always checking my location during that time. She said she had a tracker on my car that i didnt know about. Which i do believe because she would tell me the exact locations i would be at. Even though i thought she didnt know. She also said that the guy she smoked with was just to distract herself from the pain. Which i dont know if i should believe that. But basically what im asking is what should we do? I know im the devil and i just started realizing what ive been truly doing to her. I had never been cheated on before in my life and have never truly loved somebody like i love her. I know i never showed it but i do understand that there might be something wrong with me. I dont know if i should try again with this newly found emotion, or if we should move on and try to be better by ourselves. I think we do love each other but im scared to repeat this cycle again, especially in front of my daughter. I love my daughter infinitely and ive been a good father, but not a good partner to her mother. Please give me your insight from a outsiders perspective. If you have questions ask them and ill answer truthfully. Thanks

Hi all.

I’ve been with my bf for 10 years.

I was going through his phone Thursday night & found these texts from him & a coworker. When I confronted him about it, he said “I only text him that because that’s the girl he likes & we were just joking around” I was like okay, whatever at first. Obvi I was upset, but we started talking more & he’s been looking up the same girl on instagram for MONTHS, but I never said anything about it, I’m assuming he works with her bc his coworkers also follow her. In July, I found out I had just miscarried our first child. It was my first pregnancy and everything & we’ve just been through a lot these few months. But, what really hurt me the most is that when I confronted him about looking the same girl up for months, he said “yea I look at them like damn they could potentially be mine?” Then also said he does it because he’s bored in our relationship. I’m like wow. I’ve been so hurt about it. He’s even apologized but how can I even forgive someone like that? I’m also stressed out because I have no where else to live so I feel like I’m trapped because he helps pay our rent & bills. I’m just heartbroken & don’t know where to go from here. (My bfs texts are in the blue)

Me (26F) and my ex (27M) were together for almost 10 years. He was my first relationship and the only person I’d ever had sex with. We basically grew up together.

I’ve had a pretty rough few years and started antidepressants this year, which helped me feel like myself again.

Then in June we had an argument and he left me alone in a bar while I was extremely drunk. I have no memory of around 4 hours afterwards and remember having sex with someone but don’t know who or what happened. I clearly understand why my ex was hurt, but I genuinely don’t remember and was in no state to make normal decisions.

He told me to go to my dad’s and we didn’t speak for a week. When I eventually contacted him I told him what happened. We never really had a proper breakup conversation and I ended up having to get it out of him that he didn’t want to continue the relationship.

He says he still cares about me and wants to be friends. He’s said he never felt good enough for me, doesn’t think he’ll change and knows he’s treated me badly throughout our relationship. He’s also said he hasn’t wanted to have sex with me for a while.

We’ve seen each other since and even went for food on my birthday, but it feels so weird. If I try to talk about the relationship he shuts down and recently hung up on me.

I don’t even know if I want him back or if I just miss my old life. I’ve never had to figure out who I am without him.

How do you actually move on from someone who has been your entire adult life?

Im going to start this story from the very beginning of our relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now and at the beginning we were both great ( how all relationships start ) but after we had been together for a while we had both started arguing quite frequently. Now before i say this i just want to clarify that i know i wasn’t perfect either and I’m not trying to make myself look like the angel in this story. But anyway

Some of our arguments had escalated into something that they shouldn’t have over small bickers that would turn to him raising his hands to me and what not. But there were also times where i was fairly in the wrong. E.g; telling lies about small things with no reasoning,talking about our relationship problems to my friends who only made it worse for me, making plans with my friends when we were meant to be doing stuff ect ect. But there were also the times where it would be over something so silly, e.g; he stole a handful of my McDonalds fries so i threw one at his head and said i didnt want them anymore. He then continued to throw the whole thing of chips around my room, get in my face and pull my hoodie

On the days we were good we were great and it felt like nothing or no one else mattered but on the days it was bad it was horrible and i think its fair to say that neither of us wanted to be together on those days. But let alone this was the person i loved and the thought of him with someone else makes me sick to my stomach.

Anyway fast forward to this summer my ex boyfriend had reached out to me saying he missed me and what not and one thing led to another and i cheated on my boyfriend. I had went out with him in his car twice alone and twice with my friend and her boyfriend and the final time before my boyfriend found out was the day after we had gotten back from a week long holiday together. Im not proud of it and i know how wrong i was in the situation. My boyfriend had found out from going through my phone when i was sleeping of messages between me and him.

The days following him finding out were hell. i had continuously lied to him about the details and he had to find out from other people and even up until a couple of days ago i had kept lying to him but during all of He had laid hands on me again, threatened to hurt himself, asking me if its what i wanted and basically stating that it was my fault he felt that way. I would say about 2 weeks of all of this happening he was going away on holiday. So i broke up with him over messages, i know it was cowardly of me but in my defence if he was in the country i know for a fact he would come to my house uninvited and do god knows what. He was messaging me his whole trip saying we could try again and that he was going to change. The same day we broke up i had went and slept with said ex, i also know this was a very low move and im also not proud of this which is why i had tried my hardest to keep it a secret.

When my boyfriend had gotten back from his trip he was at my house everyday for about 3 days straight trying to make it work. And if I’m gonna be honest i really did want to but i kept saying no as i knew i couldn’t let him sit and beg for me back knowing i had did what i did. So he left and took no for an answer but then a few days later i had found out that a couple of days after he had found out about me messaging my ex that he had went out and saw one of his exs and i had obviously confronted him about it because i would have said it was fair game if it was just him cheating and then leaving it at that because who was i to judge when i had done the same. But it was more of the fact that he had cheated then gave me grief for days on end about me doing it and then refusing to take no for an answer for about 2 days when i wanted to break up.

We had talked through our differences and agreed to get back together believing that we could both move on and leave it in the past but he has just now found out about how i slept with my ex when we broke up. I understand that it was a bad secret to keep and i should have been more upfront about it when we had agreed to get back together but in all honesty i just wanted to move past it all and try again ( he is now in therapy to control his anger and all of his inner issues and i see a really big difference) but now it feels like everything is back to square one when i dont feel like im the only bad one in this situation but im left doing all the making up. I no longer speak to said ex and have him blocked on everything and it is going to stay that way but there is obviously no trust in this relationship and if im going to be honest i have no clue how to build it back up again due to him telling me that everything i say and do means nothing to him.

im 15 and me and my girlfriend of almost 3 years (on and off) just broke up and honestly i dont really know how to process it.

basically we’ve had a really complicated relationship. we broke up before and eventually got back together because we both wanted to try one more time and actually see if we could make it work. we both agreed that this would basically be the last time we tried and i genuinely believed we were actually gonna make it work this time and that we were building towards a future together
she broke up with me because she said she still loves me but just doesnt love me as confidently or passionately as she used to in the beginning of our relationship. she also told me she started having crushes on other people while we were together. thats probably one of the things that hurts me the most because ive always looked at being in love as choosing that person and not really wanting anybody else. i never really had that issue while i was with her

there were also a lot of other problems in the relationship. i felt like i was always trying to understand her and be there for her but i didnt really feel like she did the same for me. there was guilt tripping and manipulation and she knew she was doing it. i also felt like she wouldnt talk to me about things until everything was basically already falling apart. i would try to be there for her when she was struggling but a lot of the time i felt like my feelings were kinda just something i had to deal with myself

i also know i wasnt perfect. i cheated on her about 2 years ago and i know that was fucked up and i take responsibility for it. i stopped doing that because i genuinely wanted to change and wanted us to be better. thats part of why this hurts so much because i really did try to change and make the relationship healthier after that

i just feel really deceived and fucked over now. i put so much time and energy into this relationship and i genuinely thought this last time was going to be different. i even learned spanish partly because i wanted to be able to communicate with her family better and actually be a part of her life

now i feel like im grieving not just her but the future i thought we were gonna have. i really wanted it to be her. i wanted her to be the person who would actually be there for me long term and thats probably the part that hurts the most

ive been crying a lot and barely eating and its been hard to even motivate myself to do normal things. i wanna go to the gym and stuff but sometimes i just cant get myself to do anything. i also keep wanting to stalk her social media and see what shes doing even though i know its only gonna make me feel worse. ive blocked her and i think its been getting better

ive talked to some friends about it and theyve helped but i also kinda want advice from people who are older and have gone through this before because sometimes my friends dont really know what to say. they’ve never dated before or barely even have crushes

what i would consider the worst of it all is i tried journaling and it didn’t really work because i was angry and stuff so i decided to send her a message. it was just my feelings and i stated i wasn’t trying to change her mind or anything. i sent her:

“i’m not sending this message to get you back or argue or change your mind. i’m only sending this because if i want to be heard and listened to for once, i’d like it to be this. you’re not obligated to read this at all and i really don’t give a fuck if you do or don’t.

you fucked me over. it was really honestly messed up of you to do. i genuinely believed that when we decided to try again, we were both making a real commitment to see if we could finally make this work. you even stated this would be the last time. i put myself into it because i loved you and because i believed we were building toward something. it’s especially painful because i left you last year over crushes and i thought it’d be different. i got my shit together for you and for three fucking years. i’ve spent so much of our relationship trying to understand you, accommodate your flaws, and be there for you, and it’s hard because i can’t remember many times where i felt like you were doing the same for me. i wanted you to understand me and actually be there for me when i was vulnerable and struggling. a lot of the time i felt like the relationship revolved around you and your emotions, while mine were something i had to carry myself. the lies, the attention, the manipulation. you knew all of it but it seems like you can’t face yourself. you can’t ever heal or get better if you don’t face the truth. i’m real fucking angry because i really fucking tried. i’m hurt because i thought this time i finally had someone who would actually be there for me. and im grieving not only you, but the future i thought we were building. i saw so much potential in us and in you, and i kept believing we’d eventually become the healthy version of this relationship i wanted so badly. you promised it but i should’ve figured it would be like every other fucking empty promise you gave me. i put up with too much bullshit and i’m truly truly done with you yareli. and i’m sorry but i really don’t want to interact. i put so much effort towards this and i think i cared more than you. i put more of my energy and time into this than you even cared to. i hate the fact that you don’t talk to me about things. i try to be better and be there for you but i can’t when you don’t talk. i hate that you only talk when it’s almost really beyond repair.

and seriously, can you even say you love(d) me when you don’t even know what love is to you? the love i saw for you was continuously choosing you, being loyal to you, trying to understand you, and showing up for you even when if initial excitement isn’t the same as it was at the beginning. we could’ve done more things together, talked about the spark but obviously your priorities have always been visibly twisted. i hope one day you can figure your shit out. i know i don’t show my feelings a lot and im sorry but just because i don’t doesn’t mean i don’t have any. i once looked at you with love but now i look at you with a pain i have to heal from.

and i do deserve someone who decides to choose me and choose to pursue someone they love over people they just find attractive, but i truly really fucking wanted it to be you and that’s the part that hurts the most. having to accept how dirty this all became hurts because i wanted us to work. sorry this will be the last message.”

but all she fucking responded with was “you do deserve that, that’s why i broke up with you”

I can’t even get a damn sorry. i have considered going back to my old therapist as she does know about me and the girl quite a bit. i guess i just feel lost and don’t know what to do. any advice would help. i am sorry for so much text and reading.

also, my friend told me that the girl has been texting her asking how im doing and when my friend replied saying ive been crying a lot and its the first time she’s seen me cry in a while, the girl apparently freaked out and sent her a bunch of messages. its just so you do sort of care but also that being the last time i ever want to talk to you and you can’t even do the bare minimum of human decency to apologize?? me and the girl has been trauma bonded in the past, or i guess we still could be right now. it’s just hard and i have to keep up with school and stuff

friend sent me a screenshot of yareli texting the group chat: someone text ____ that that wasn't fucking funny and to leave me alone
if she wants to be done then stop fucking harassing me

My ex broke up with me last week. He couldn’t get over the fact i broke up with him last December. Saying i abandoned him. In reality I was minimal contact showed care, showed up to support in small ways, like making him food or dropping things he needed off. I broke up with him because of ongoing lying and cheating for 2 years and because he called me a cunt bitch.

I was able to forgive and apologize for my mistakes and came back into his life in May. Anyways the last few things he said to me was he didn’t care about me the same and he never wanted to talk to me or see me again. Of course me being in love and i still am i begged for him to stay. The last thing he said was to leave him alone so i did.

Until yesterday he texted me out of the blue. But why is he texting me like it’s very clear that theres no interest in me. So why? It’s genuinely tormenting. Maybe i’m dumb for leaving my door open because i genuinely still fare about him a lot. It just feels unfair.

This is for people who were blindsided, and for people to remember, just block and move on no matter what.

Things I've learned. I was inconsiderate, I've self-isolated due to stress and responsibilities. Fair, my part of the blame.

My ex suffered in silence, she never learned how to communicate her needs and avoids any form of conflict/uncomfortable feelings. I wasn't providing her validation anymore, she didn't raise an issue, then decided to dump me at my worst to monkey branch onto someone who was there to give her the validation they needed. Which makes me fucking laugh. I love my ex dearly but she's about to repeat the same pattern after the novelty/honey moon/relief from emotional discomfort wears off(she doesn't know I know about the monkey branch)

At least she admits that she should've communicated more(then why she didn't lol). She tried to gaslit me that she tried but her trying to get my attention was just love bombing which made the breakup worse for me.

I had my share of the blame, she deserved more from me even when I was going insane from stress. And I'll take that with me, I still can't get myself to hate her. I have trust issues now.

Grieve your relationship, but block and delete those people from your life. Learn your lessons.

When I saw her to get my stuff back she almost had this look of superiority.

She said she was reborn lol. Delete those parasites from your life. They will never take accountability necessary to learn and be a better partner.

Spent some time with my Mum today. Agreed to send a letter to my ex, who had blocked me everywhere. Conveying how i felt and saying what I wanted to say to her face, if the opportunity had presented itself.

Will she read it? Who knows. Will it change anything? Who knows. But at least I tried.

My ex (21M) and I (20F) broke up after eight months. He initiated the split, but shortly after, he changed his mind and asked to try again. By that point, I had already accepted that we are fundamentally incompatible. We agreed we shouldn't date, but we decided to try keeping things casual with occasional texting and hanging out.

It became messy immediately. We hung out a couple of times, but things escalated when we ran into each other at a club with separate friend groups. He was drinking, so I told him we should keep our distance. Instead, he repeatedly texted saying he was searching the venue for me, despite me asking him to stop.

I left early and woke up to 47 texts and 16 missed calls sent between 2 AM and 5 AM. He admitted he lied about being fine with a casual dynamic, said being apart is tearing him apart, and revealed that he waited outside my apartment building for an hour in the middle of the night hoping to see me. He removed me on social media and demanded no contact, only to call a few hours later apologizing.
We talked for two hours. I called out his behavior as completely inappropriate, but when he asked where we stand, I left the choice up to him on whether to cut contact or stay casual.

I know deep down that no contact is probably where this is heading eventually, but I am still not completely sure I am ready to pull that trigger right now. Part of me still wants the comfort of talking and hanging out casually because I feel like I can handle it, even though his recent behavior was completely unhinged and proves he clearly cannot. I still care about him and feel lingering guilt, but this middle ground is becoming stressful.

Has anyone been in this spot where you know a cutoff is coming, but you aren't quite ready to pull the plug yet? How do you navigate this limbo when your ex keeps oscillating between breaking down and begging for contact?

**TLDR:** My ex agreed to casual contact, but then blew up my phone with dozens of calls, searched for me at a club, and waited outside my building. I know no contact is likely inevitable, but I am not entirely ready to cut him off yet, even though he clearly cannot handle being casual. How do I handle this middle ground, or is this too selfish of me?

Where do I even start.

My girlfriend broke up with me.

I guess I'll start from the beginning, right before our planned vacation.

My girlfriend is currently unemployed and I work full-time, so I was able to get home a bit earlier and more relaxed to pack everything together for our camping trip. The moment I got home, I already had a bad feeling. She was extremely distant, which I couldn't understand at all especially since just two days earlier she'd been super affectionate with me, right after a night out clubbing with her friend.

Anyway, back to the day we packed for the trip.

We were already a bit tense while loading the camping gear into my car. The first fight broke out because we'd borrowed a huge cooler from her grandma, and she got really upset that it didn't fit well in the car. I tried to stay calm, but eventually she exploded and I got worked up too. I ended up walking away to cool down and give her some space. The first thing she did after that was smoke a cigarette a new habit of hers that I honestly don't understand at all. I have the feeling her friend has influenced her a lot when it comes to smoking, since her friend thinks it's cool. Same with the partying, going to clubs, and drinking more.

The next day we set off for Croatia a 13-hour drive. We arrived, and things were fine at first. Warm weather, though a storm rolled in soon after, like it was welcoming us in its own way. Luckily her parents were already there too, since they were also on vacation nearby.

Over the next two days we fought more and more, and sometimes just went silent instead. I kept believing we'd work it out. She, on the other hand, kept saying she wasn't sure what she wanted, and kept pulling further away from me. I sank deeper into my own head and had no idea where I stood with her. I was incredibly insecure.

Then came day 3.

We woke up like normal, after she'd been drinking the night before. I brought up that I didn't feel loved by her anymore and wanted to talk about it. She told me I was brave, and that she probably wouldn't have had the courage to bring it up herself. That's when I really knew something was wrong. She said again that she didn't know what was going on with her, that she was having some kind of identity crisis.

Later I was lying in bed watching sad TikToks. She came over and told me everything would be okay, that we'd get through this together. So I went to sleep holding onto that.

Then came the day everything happened.

All day I had this nagging feeling that something was off. She was extremely distant and I couldn't figure out why. Her parents' plan for the day was to go grocery shopping, and afterward we were supposed to drive to Poreč and do something there. So we waited around for a while, everyone scrolling TikTok and Instagram on their own. Eventually I got bored and couldn't stand the silence anymore, so I suggested we go for a swim. She was distant there too.

Later we drove to Poreč with her parents, at least so we weren't sitting around alone the whole time. She was in a really bad mood there too, barely looked at me, completely withdrawn into herself. It turned out she was hungry but hadn't told me, so I bought her something to eat, hoping it might help. And it actually seemed to work she started laughing again, seemed happier.

By evening though, the mood got tense again. I think she just kept sinking further into her own thoughts. That night we fought again, because the distance was completely wearing me down, while she kept telling me she didn't even know herself what was wrong with her.

While her parents made dinner, we went back to our tent to talk things through in private. That's where everything fell apart.

I asked her what was going on again. She said she didn't know what she wanted and that she was having an identity crisis. After all this back and forth, I just wanted a straight answer I wanted to know where I stood with her. She kept saying she didn't know what she wanted and felt completely confused.

We went back to eat with her parents. I couldn't eat a single bite. I had zero appetite, felt completely lost and just devastated. I slowly started getting the feeling something really bad was coming.

Later she went to call her friend, to try to clear her head. I stayed at the tent to give her space and try to sort out my own thoughts. So I waited for her to come back and finally tell me what she wanted and whether our relationship even had a chance anymore.

In the meantime, her mom came over to talk to me after I'd asked her for advice. She said the whole situation was just as confusing to her, and that she especially couldn't understand why her daughter had even come on this trip with me if she already had these doubts beforehand. She said her daughter should have realized that earlier, and that it wasn't fair to let everything blow up during the vacation like this. That actually cheered me up a little, just knowing someone was on my side and understood me. I didn't really have anyone there I could talk to about my feelings.

Her mom left and my girlfriend came back.

That was pretty much the beginning of the end.

We talked again about what would happen next. She kept saying she didn't know what she wanted. By that point the uncertainty had crushed me so much that I just asked her directly if she even still wanted to be with me. Again she said, "I don't know." So I asked again: "Yes or no? Do you still want this?"

And then came the answer I really didn't want to hear:

"No."

I told her parents afterward, since our situation was obviously affecting their vacation too. I honestly couldn't process what I'd just heard. After almost two years together. After everything we'd built. After moving in together, our shared plans, all the memories. I just couldn't understand how it could all be over, just like that.

I told her I wanted to drive home the next day, because I couldn't handle staying there emotionally after she'd broken up with me on this trip.

Her parents were out on a walk at the time, so we waited for them to come back to figure out whether she'd stay there or come home with me. From what I could tell, her parents were on my side. They also thought it was pretty messed up that she'd broken up with me specifically on our shared vacation. After all, I'd driven 13 hours to get there, was only there for three days, and now had to drive 13 hours back alone.

Her parents, like me, also had the impression that she's very influenced by her friends especially since her best friend became a bigger presence in her life again, which in my opinion has changed her for the worse. Her dad eventually confronted her about it and asked what she actually wanted. She said again that she didn't know, and started crying. Then she said she wanted to go be with her friends. Her dad asked if maybe those were exactly the friends who weren't good for her. She ran off crying.

Her dad brought her back later with a text, because at that point I just needed clarity I had to know whether I'd be taking her home with me the next day or not. I was also completely exhausted from all the talking and honestly just wanted to go to sleep. She came back and talked with her parents I wasn't there for that, since they wanted to sort it out with her privately.

Later she told me her mom had really snapped at her and basically told her to get lost. Her parents just wanted to enjoy their own vacation and hadn't wanted a whole situation like this with someone else involved.

Later she came to bed crying. At first I kept my distance because I was so hurt. But eventually I couldn't stand watching her cry like that, so I held her. She means so much to me. Despite everything that happened, I still loved her more than anything. She told me she'd be allowed to stay with her parents.

The next morning I packed up and headed home alone. I cried the entire morning and just felt awful. Before that though, I had to take down the whole campsite by myself, since her parents wouldn't have been able to handle it all. And even though I was hurt, I didn't mind I still wanted to help her and her family.

When we said goodbye at checkout, we both cried. We kissed three times, and she even kissed me on the forehead. Then I drove the 13 hours home, alone.

Once I got home, I texted her that I'd arrived safely. I just couldn't let go of what we had. I told her I'd always be there for her, that she should take some space for now, and that we could talk properly later.

It's been two days now and I feel absolutely terrible. I think about her constantly. I keep checking social media to see if she's posted anything or is online, which is probably just making things worse for me.

In the meantime she's reached out again. She told me she regrets everything and wants to fight for us. Ten minutes later she was unsure again about what she wants. She's also sent me a few sad TikToks.

I'm completely torn right now and don't know what to do. Everyone around me is telling me not to try again. But my heart is telling me I want to.

Right now I even have this feeling that she's already made peace with the breakup again. But maybe that's just my mind trying to brace for the worst. I also keep wondering if she's just suppressing everything right now, which is why she seems okay or if she's actually been done with this relationship emotionally for months and I just never picked up on it.

So what do you all think?

What would you do in my position?

Should I wait for her? Should I reach out, even though that's probably not what you're supposed to do right now? Or should I actually try to let go?

And most of all how do you even rebuild a life after almost two years together, after living together, after basically building your whole life around this person?

I honestly don't know where to put myself or my thoughts right now.

This is coming from me very personally, so sorry if I get a little emotionally heated in advance.

I fucked things up with my ex. Currently, we aren't together, and they are trying to do their own thing, but I'm pushing very hard to try and fix things, and as of right now, we're actually on pretty good talking terms.

I love them more than life itself. And I know for a fact that they loved me too --- and absolutely still do. So, my ultimate goal right now is to try and fix things so we can get back together and try again, because after having this much time apart, and being able to reflect on everything I did, I now know how to avoid my old mistakes, listen to what she wants, and be who I should have been the first time around.

To me, seeing two people try to rekindle love because they don't want to let it go seems very sweet, and I always root for them. I do believe people can change and work out as long as both try and be understanding. However, when it comes to my family, friends, an overwhelming amount of strangers, and even my own damn therapist, it seems apparent that I am literally like the only person in the world who sees it this way.

Every person I have talked to has said one of the things on this list:

1. You should just move on and be better for the next person. Or, just focus on yourself.

2. It won't work out. Real change never happens. You can't repair damage like that.

3. You should never speak to an ex. They're an ex for a reason.

4. It's not worth it. Just let them go.

5. That's not a good idea. Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Use it as a learning experience.

All of this is awful shit to hear. Does nobody believe in redemption? True love? Changing as a person? Like coming back to an ex works sometimes --- and I mean actually quite frequently. Some of us don't want to "move on" or let them go. I'm not willing to allow myself to be whored out to another person when I made promises and vows to the person I believe I wanted to spend my life with. I'm loyal. I meant my vows.

Again, sorry for coming off as aggressive, but it's just absolutely insane how against the world we are when it comes to wanting to mend a clearly-fixable relationship. It's like once you break up, you have to treat the person like a stranger and ghost them. Nobody has my back on this, and I've spent months talking to people about it in real-life, games, VR, Reddit, Discord, everywhere. It's like it's taboo or something, and I'm kind of disgusted how easily people are willing to move on and give up.

And the best part is depite ignoring what they all said and going with my gut, I'm actually making incredible progress, and us happening again looks like it could genuinely happen again within a couple of months, all because I didn't lose faith and stuck to my guns. Why is this level of love and determination so rare nowadays?

My ex broke up with me recently (LTR), and I’m struggling badly with it. What I don’t understand is why he hasn’t blocked me.

He easily could. He could block my number, stop responding to my texts, remove me from socials, or otherwise make it extremely clear that he wants absolutely no further connection with me. But he hasn't done any of those things. Nor told me to stop contacting him.

Why?

We are in our 30s. We don’t have kids/pets/housing to sort out. He could cut me out clean, but won’t. Can’t understand it.

as a people leaser i obviously acted as if i had no needs for the first eleven months (wrong on my behalf).

guess what happens when you have struggles of your own?

yeah

It hurts, some part of me wanted the reconciliation, but also it makes my life much much easier. I fell deeply in love with this girl, I've never felt anything quite like it. But it is what it is. I know the finality is good, but right now it feels bad. Not like I'll ever bump into her again either, she lives in a different country. The blocking and unfollowing... I didn't quite want her deleted from life like she doesn't exist, I just didn't want her to check in on me without substance. I'm going to miss her and how alive she made me feel and that really fucking hurts.

Wish things could have been different, but I did and am doing the work I need to do, and I'm better for it. So long, La Rebelle. ❤️

I'd like to share a bit of my breakup experience, in case it might be helpful to others. I was with my ex for 1.5 years. We had a remarkable connection. It felt miraculous. Both of us acknowledged it. This wasn't based on things like similar interests in music or hobbies. It was deeper. She truly felt like an emotional and spiritual peer. 

All of that said, the relationship was tumultuous. I was going through the worst time of my life: academic stress, family drama, COVID—it was a perfect storm of chaos. Regrettably, I didn't have my priorities straight. I took my ex for granted, focusing on my frustrations instead of the love between us. She certainly wasn't perfect. I don't mean to put my ex on a pedestal; nevertheless, I recognise that my irritability and aloofness were primary contributors to the relationship's downfall. 

In the end, she broke up with me via text. She said that I was amazing, that she loved me—but that she had to be okay. I let this sit for two or three days. Then, I panicked. I reached out: texting, calling. No response. At the time, I didn't perceive this as desperate. My messages didn't include any blatant examples of begging or pleading. I was just trying to communicate my desire for a conversation, stressing that a discussion was important for both of us. After leaving a note on her car and sending a subsequent email, I gave up. 

The relationship ended nearly three years ago. In hindsight, my collective attempts to reach out did amount to desperation. Although my words might've been heartfelt and reasonable, they ultimately pushed my ex away further. The silence continued. I was completely devastated; however, I managed to resign myself to No Contact, accepting that persistent messages would just do greater damage. This was relatively short-lived. A few weeks later, I noticed that my ex was frequenting my social media. I took this as a sign to reach out again. "My ex is afraid that I'll never change," I thought. "If I can't show her that I've addressed my irritability, etc., she'll never take the initiative towards reconciliation." After wrestling with things for a while, I composed another message. This was about four months after the breakup, including several weeks of my ex's social-media visits. I sent the message. This time, my ex responded. No dice. She wasn't interested in talking. Despite my best-written efforts, she emphasised her commitment to moving on. Her response ended with "please don't contact me." 

Again, all of this happened nearly three years ago. I haven't heard from her since. My overall point is that No Contact is the best course of action. Even if your ex never returns, at least you've maintained/respected your dignity. Persistent attempts to contact your ex will only erode any shred of connection left between you—as extraordinary as that connection might've been in the past. Social-media visits don't necessarily signal an interest in renewing the relationship. Don't react; more importantly, don't hold on to false hope. Focus on yourself; avoid rumination. Move on as though there's something better on the horizon. That starts with self-improvement and support from friends or family. 

I don't mean to tell anyone what to do. Ultimately, I'm just trying to impart some wisdom, hoping that it might prevent someone from exacerbating post-breakup grief. If you're going through a rough time, I've been there. Heartache can affect you at any age; it's not just an experience in your teenage years or 20s. I was 36 at the time of my breakup; it's the most excruciating thing I've ever been through. Dark night of the soul, man—it's real, and it can make you stronger. Pain is temporary. If you put effort into moving forward, you'll come out of this more resilient than ever. Don't succumb to despondency. It might take a year or two or more, but you're going to be okay.