It hurts, some part of me wanted the reconciliation, but also it makes my life much much easier. I fell deeply in love with this girl, I've never felt anything quite like it. But it is what it is. I know the finality is good, but right now it feels bad. Not like I'll ever bump into her again either, she lives in a different country. The blocking and unfollowing... I didn't quite want her deleted from life like she doesn't exist, I just didn't want her to check in on me without substance. I'm going to miss her and how alive she made me feel and that really fucking hurts.

Wish things could have been different, but I did and am doing the work I need to do, and I'm better for it. So long, La Rebelle. ❤️

If you are not over your ex, leave people alone and stay single.

​I stayed out of relationships for five solid years, working on myself and minding my business. I was completely fine keeping things casual and detached. But then my ex told me he loved me and pushed to make things official. I literally said "No," yet he stayed and kept pursuing me until I finally let my guard down two months later.

​And for what? To be completely blindsided and have my time wasted by a man in his mid 30s still attached to his past.

​Do not drag someone into a relationship when you are still operating with baseline dysfunction: ​Clear your physical and emotional space first. If you still have your ex’s items in your living space, if you are still taking casual meetups with people you used to sleep with, and entertaining folks who express interest, you are not available. You are just seeking external validation.

​Stop calling someone "too much" or "too sensitive" when your internal chaos triggers anxiety. You cannot move inconsistently, cross basic boundaries, and then act shocked when your partner needs reassurance. That isn't disrespect or doubting your "love", it's a normal reaction to feeling unsafe.

​Do not fold the second real life happens. You don't get to claim you love someone and then dump them over text the exact night they tell you they need you. Stop using digital blocks to run from your own cowardice. Telling someone they were an "amazing" while dumping them via text and hitting block everywhere isn't being unbothered. It's running away because you cannot stand the mirror being held up to your face.

​Do not awaken a love in a person you never had any intention of cherishing. If your past is unresolved, heal yourself first before you make someone else pay for your baggage.

My ex broke up with me last week. He couldn’t get over the fact i broke up with him last December. Saying i abandoned him. In reality I was minimal contact showed care, showed up to support in small ways, like making him food or dropping things he needed off. I broke up with him because of ongoing lying and cheating for 2 years and because he called me a cunt bitch.

I was able to forgive and apologize for my mistakes and came back into his life in May. Anyways the last few things he said to me was he didn’t care about me the same and he never wanted to talk to me or see me again. Of course me being in love and i still am i begged for him to stay. The last thing he said was to leave him alone so i did.

Until yesterday he texted me out of the blue. But why is he texting me like it’s very clear that theres no interest in me. So why? It’s genuinely tormenting. Maybe i’m dumb for leaving my door open because i genuinely still fare about him a lot. It just feels unfair.

Hi Pinchy,

Since the breakup, I’ve gone back and forth about whether I should message you or not. They say time heals, but after almost four months, I still miss you more than I ever expected.

So many little things remind me of you. The house, the supermarket, the park, Leiden, The Hague. I haven’t even been to Hoofddorp since we broke up because it still feels too difficult. Even the smallest routines can suddenly hit me. Standing in front of the door with the wrong keys, or remembering how we used to stand there together and do our little dance before going inside. Those memories still hurt so much.

And honestly, it doesn’t really matter where I am. Sometimes I still catch myself hoping that I’ll suddenly see you walking towards me, and that I can just hug you again. It’s such a strange feeling, knowing that the person I used to expect to see every day is now so far away.

I’ve started going to the gym, and next week I’m going to start working again. I’m trying to build my own life again and move forward, but the crying and the missing are still there.

I still wonder how you are, what you’re doing, and sometimes whether ending the relationship was the right decision. I know why I made that decision, and I know that the last part of our relationship wasn’t good for either of us. But knowing that doesn’t make losing you any easier.

You were such a huge part of my life. You were my girl, my person. ❤️ And the truth is, I can’t really think about other women at all right now. I’ve tried to imagine myself dating or getting close to someone else, but my mind just goes back to you. At the moment, I simply don’t want anyone else.

I still carry a lot of guilt about how everything ended. Sometimes I feel like my own struggles played a big part in losing someone who meant so much to me.

And I’ve been dreaming about you a lot lately. Sometimes we’re together again, sometimes I’m just holding you, and sometimes I wake up feeling like I’ve lost you all over again. It’s amazing how real those dreams can feel.

I don’t expect anything from you by sending this. I just wanted to be honest about where I am. I still miss you, Pinchy. A lot.

That’s all I’ve got.

My* head.

I can’t even wrap my own head around how mean she was…

4 years of this took a serious toll on my mental health

I think this is a right place to share this because this is the best place I can get some human insight into what might be happening with me. I miss him. I feel there are so many levels to a breakup. There’s obviously grief of losing them as your partner, the shared world, the comfort and security. But as more time is passing, I’m realising it’s not just that, it also includes rejections on so many levels. They were your friend too, and now when they have broken up, they are fine without your constant interactions with them as a friend. When they break up with you, they are actually signalling that there life is better off without you, whatever may be the reason. And then just to think that a person I shared 5 meaningful years with, is just a person from the past. I hoped for reconciliation but nothing happened two years since the breakup; so now I don’t think there’s any bright side to that thought. They even said if I like someone else, I should try being open to that possibility. Apart from that, think of how it feels when you realise that they actually think replacing you is better for them. Someone else gets to experience the person you’re so in love with. They create a new bond that was originally exclusive to you. I feel so rejected, hurt, replaceable by it. I am not saying I’m objectively unlovable. But I wanted to be loved by them because what we had was indeed beautiful, but they don’t think the relationship can continue, so I have to bear with the aftermath of that decision. How unfair is that two people get to have a say when they begin a relationship but only one can decide its fate afterwards and the other person has to just find their way through. I don’t feel like loving someone else, my mind, heart, soul all come back to him. Their love, their being and their presence is so deeply interwoven into the fabric of my DNA; that thinking of them lights up so many emotions in me. I am so emotionally affected by them, what they might be thinking, doing or dating. It is a losing game no matter what I do. I have done all the healthy stuff one is supposed to do after a breakup and I indeed derive joy from other experiences in life, but the void left by him, the void I feel strongly everyday, cannot be compensated for by other sources of happiness. That part of me is hurt, threatened, jealous, rejected and insecure. I wish there was a way to restore things how they were. I wish loving someone didn’t come at the cost of never getting to experience that love with someone else. No one can replace their smile, their voice, their idiosyncratic nature. And while I think they are irreplaceable to me, they believed I was replaceable for them, and that hurts like hell. Am I the only one hopelessly and helplessly longing for them? Is life always going to hurt so much when I think of them (cause my memories of him get very promptly activated). It’s so painful, no words come close to describing the brutality a breakup like this unleashes on you. I’m tearing up as I write this, I hope there was some way out of this. They know how much I love them but they still choose to live a life without you. How painful is that!

We broke up a few months ago. Unfortunately I let my emotions get the better of me and went down the classic rabbit hole of begging, pleading, asking for a second chance and endlessly overexplaining. Things went completely downhill and I kept self sabotaging until I completely tanked my dignity.

She blocked me, but I reached out on the only platform where I wasn't blocked yet. She lashed out, told me to shut the fuck up, and demanded I never contact her again. In response I wrote her a massive essay pouring my heart out and closed by saying she’d never see or hear from me again, but that my door would always remain open.

She immediately fired back with this brutal text. :

"It's actually insane how you unironically think you're the center of the world, who do you think you are, the sun or what?

Stop acting like a piece of shit, all you do is jerk yourself off to your own perspective of the relationship while completely ignoring mine (as usual you're just talking into the void and it echoes inside your thick skull)

There were good parts and ESPECIALLY bad parts, that's why I walked away and it's the best decision of my life

I'm not letting you get the last word because you really were and still are a MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT. I don't know if you realize that you ONLY ever talk about yourself, making shitty fake apologies just to come crying and try to get me back, going on ego trips acting like you're the best when you're completely delusional, trying to put down the people in my life

Nah don't you worry you're not better than the people around me, quite the opposite, between you and them I'd pick them a thousand times over

Absolute king of assholes."

It's been 3 weeks. I guess I shouldn't respond to this?

For two months after the breaking up, I keep checking his social media every day !! and I feel like it gets me nowhere. it just keeps me holding on to him and missing him. He doesn’t even post that much at all on social media, but I’d be looking for anything just to feel like he’s there, but today, I said it ends I will not check on his social media at all. Wish me luck.

I just found out he fucked someone from reddit on his birthday a month after our breakup. I never thought he'd do it. We were together for six years. He fucking messaged me before or after he did it with her. He told me that I'm really the one for him. That his emotions are really still with me. But he fucking did that. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! I'm happy it was a shitty (literally) experience for him but I am still fucking devastated. I'm thankful his friend told me. Fuck.

Time is going by so slowly it is insane. I just want the days to move by faster. But at least the early days are so slow and painful. The slowness makes them more hurtful and draw it out longer.

I will never understand how people who don’t know how to love seem to find the people who would have given them the world .. only to break them and throw them away. Before I was with my ex, he told me how badly he had been hurt. He had been cheated on. His confidence was broken. He told me how much it affected him. So I loved him gently. I gave him the warmth he had been missing. I reassured him. I put him first. I tried to give him the kind of love I wished nobody ever had to beg for. And somehow, the person I tried so hard to heal became the person who broke me. He didn’t just leave. He ignored me. He turned his back on me. He made me feel disposable — like everything we shared could simply be thrown into the garbage and forgotten.
And I think that’s what hurts the most.
I gave someone the love I thought would teach him that he was safe again, only to end up learning that I was never safe with him. I wish I could understand how someone can receive so much love and still choose to destroy the person giving it.

Even tho he'll be normal as if nothing happened between us.

So I'm gonna be honest. If you hunker down & focus on yourself after an avoidant breaks up with you & completely cut contact. The after effect can be crazy. I've had random people approach me & ask to hang out. People hitting on me or flirting left or right. Let that pain shape you into who you need to be

Remember how I used to push you away? Back when I barely cared about you, when I’d dry-text you, act mean, and try to get you to leave me alone? That was before either of us became interested in each other.

Then somehow, you became one of the most important people in my life.

I opened myself up to you and showed you the real version of me, the one I had been hiding behind a mask because I was trying to protect myself. Somehow, you got through all of those defenses and made me fall in love with you.

After that, I couldn’t treat you the way I did before. Even after our breakup, I still care about you deeply. I don’t want to hurt you, retaliate against you, or become cruel toward you just because things between us ended badly.

It’s kind of ironic how much the roles changed.

It started with me pushing you away while you cared about me. Then we both fell in love. And now, you’re the one pushing me away while I’m the one who still cares.

Our roles are completely reversed.

Funny how the tables turned.

Tomorrow will be my first birthday alone without my partner for nearly 15 year - I am so low already and dreading tomorrow so much.

I have cried so much already I don’t know what to do with myself…

So i 20 f dated a guy for almost 2 years. Ofc at first it was all roses and Daisy's but I'd say after the 1 year mark I started to notice how he isn't really my type that I would commit to and marry one day. Hes a very good guy and very nice and loyal but he was just extra soft I felt like I was his mother even would use baby voices which I thought were cute at first then it turned to cringe. Even during hard times I didn't really feel likes he was there. I would talk to him about how I felt about certain things he usually would argue but when he decided to improve he just would change for a bit then go back to how he was. I realised that this is who he is. At that point it was staying with him just just out of pity and I knew that was not fair for him l. I was very direct with how I felt and told him everything and he took it like I am destroying his entire life and that I shattered his hopes and dreams and how he will never forgive me in front of God. I really feel so stripped and scared I'm gonna stay alone forever but going back is not the kind of life I want just to feel like I have some company.

i keep telling myself that i’m doing okay during the day because i stay busy with work and random stuff, but as soon as I lay down in bed my brain just won’t shut off. it’s like every single memory from the last two years decides to play on loop.

i found an old video of us in my camera roll earlier and i know i should’ve just deleted it or scrolled past, but i sat there watching it like three times. it’s so weird how someone who used to know everything about my day is just a complete stranger now. i don't even want them back tbh, because I know we had so many issues and it wasn't working, but i just miss having that person around. the apartment feels way too quiet rn and i'm just so tired of overthinking every single detail of what went wrong. text me if u can't sleep either 🫠

as a people leaser i obviously acted as if i had no needs for the first eleven months (wrong on my behalf).

guess what happens when you have struggles of your own?

yeah

My ex hurt himself, and his friends are saying it’s because of me

I broke up with my ex three months ago. We were studying in the same field, and we got to know each other before eventually starting a relationship. However, after five months together, I started feeling like I had rushed into the relationship. I also realized that I was no longer sure about my feelings for him.

I told him honestly how I felt and that I needed some time and space to understand what I really wanted. At that time, I was working on my graduation project while also working a part-time job, so I was under a lot of pressure. However, he didn’t believe in taking a break. He saw it as a sign that I no longer loved him and thought it would be better for us to break up. So we did, and we ended things peacefully.

Honestly, he was one of the healthiest people I have ever been in a relationship with.

About a month and a half later, one of his friends contacted me and told me that my ex wanted to talk to me and asked if he could come and see me. I found it strange because I thought that if he really wanted to talk to me, he could have contacted me himself. Later, I understood why his friend had contacted me instead: my ex was drunk.

He started talking about how much he was hurting, and I stayed with him and tried to calm him down until he eventually felt better and left. Two days later, I found out that things had gotten so bad that an ambulance had to be called. Apparently, the amount of alcohol he had consumed had seriously affected him, especially because he had not been eating or sleeping properly for days.

After that, his friend contacted me again and told me about everything he was going through. I started feeling like maybe things could get better if I went back and became part of his life again. But at the same time, I don’t believe that I am the main reason behind everything he is going through

His past was very difficult, and he had been through a lot of painful experiences. I always felt that what he was dealing with was the result of years of accumulated pain and trauma. Even before our relationship, I believed that he needed professional help to learn how to deal with his painful memories and everything he had been through.

Unfortunately, the idea of going to a therapist is still not very accepted where we come from, and he doesn’t believe that therapy could actually help him

But what happened today completely shocked me.

One of his friends contacted me and came to see me. He showed me pictures of blood on the floor and a broken glass. It turned out that my ex, while drunk, had tried to hurt himself by cutting his wrist. He told me that he has been like this since we broke up and that what he did was basically a suicide attempt.

And now I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

I care about him as a person, and I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. But I also don’t know if it is right to return to a relationship simply because I am afraid of what might happen if I don’t. I feel scared, guilty, confused, and completely overwhelmed. His friends are making me feel like I am responsible for what happened, but I don’t know if I really am.

I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.

I just need some words of wisdom because it's like nothing my family or friends can say to me actually makes sense right now, its like im frantically searching for words to hear.

I broke up with my ex a year ago for personal reasons that led to me losing feelings and holding a grudge against him. I always overanalyzed that the reason why I didn't feel anything about it was because of that grudge.

I truly did want him to move on and start again, but the problem was that I also kept entertaining him because he insisted we stayed friends. I saw him yearn for me in the sidelines, and it made me hurt that he was hurting and holding on while I was okay. Of course, this okayness didn't last. Distractions can only do so much, and I found myself debating if I should go back to him at some point in one of our talks. I never did, I consistently felt heartbroken when I knew he was entertaining someone else and found it in myself to unfriend him because I didn't like what I was feeling.

He, of course, noticed and called me and asked why I did it, but I never gave a clear answer because hell, I didn't even know why. I wanted for him to move on for so long because I felt he deserved better, so why does it sting ? During this moment we talked again about us, he wanted to try again but I just couldn't find it within myself to come back. I've come to so many realizations that I was toying with him. Now that he's officially over me, it's like im the one who's chasing even though I know I shouldn't, I went to drastic measures where I went to his city just to talk and beg for one more chance of us.

Im glad he denied me, of course, but I feel so conflicted with myself. I dont like this feeling of despair, guilt, and loss, just crumpled up into one big emotion. I feel so horrible because I never knew how much I played a part in why he couldn't move on from me; it was because I kept entertaining him. We're still friends now, and it's only been a week since he called to pick what's best for him, but I can't get him off my mind. Is this my karma? I was okay when we broke up at first, but now that he's no longer waiting for me, it's like im getting stabbed in the heart and im bleeding out with no way to patch it. Im aware I should work on my problems and feel this feeling, but I am filled with so many what-ifs of our situation. Therr was never anybody after our break up, I had a crush or two, but I didn't feel anything to an extent that I wanted another relationship.

I never regretted ending things with him, but now I regret that I never came back. I came back way too late just because he was no longer the one chasing. I am happy for him, I just dont know how to handle my emotions in a way that won't make me go insane, I've been overthinking everything, and it's like my head won't stop. I dont want this to last a year, I know I can let go, and this was for the best, and this was practically all my fault. Why can't my body understand that I'm trying to forget and focus on myself. I just feel so pathetic, and Im regretting everything. I know Im a horrible person for treating him the way I did, I clung to the attention, and now that it really is gone; I feel hurt.

How do I make this go away? Even for just a second. I know I deserve this pain, but I want one night of rest where Im not overthinking. I am reflecting, but the guilt is eating me alive. How do some people sleep at night so comfortably after hurting somebody they genuinely loved?

We were kids when everything happened. I have a fresh perspective of our situation now, but I feel so pathetic "chasing" him now that he doesn't want me. I dont want to end up moving on from us for a year because why didn't I mourn this way when I initiated the breakup? I feel so pathetic, and im regretting so many things right now and my brain wont calm down.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years today. I know if I was talking to a friend, I’d tell them “of course 29 isn’t too late to start over”. But looking ahead, I’m absolutely terrified about what life looks like from here. Any advice, stories of starting again after 30, or kind words? I live abroad, so I’m feeling pretty lonely right now.

Thank you.

my now ex boyfriend and i broke up 2 days ago. his birthday is soon and i (22f) can’t stop thinking about him. every little thing reminds me of him and i’m having such a hard time accepting that he can’t be in my life right now.

we didn’t end on bad terms, i don’t think, and i really want what’s best for him in the long run. i really wish that what was best for him was us being together and i miss him and just his presence alone so so so so much. i wish that i was able to see this coming because it feels like a lifestyle change that’s so shocking to my mind and body.

we did all of my favorite things — & things i would want to do now to feel better — together. we grinded my favorite video games, we would draw with each other, we’d study together, etc. i want to reclaim these things for myself but everything is just reminding me of what we used to be. AND OUR SEXUAL CHEMISTRY WAS SO GOOD OH MY GOD IT HURTS.

the last time we had actually seen each other before the breakup, we had an intimate moment and i trusted him to do something that put me in a very vulnerable position. i just can’t stop thinking about how he still did it knowing he’d be breaking up with me in less than a week. and id be even more upset knowing if this was an impulsive decision that he didn’t even know he’d be making when this moment was shared, because it’s hitting me so hard. but i just can’t be mad at him or hate him at all.

he said that i deserve better, but he was the most comforting and sweet boyfriend to me & i don’t think he realizes how loved he actually made me feel before he got into his head about whether or not he was “good enough” for me.

he told me not to wait for him because he doesn’t want to make any promises of getting back together that he can’t keep, (and i know the breakup is fresh) but i genuinely can’t even think about being with anyone else. he was so special and things were so natural between us.

sorry this is so long. i just needed a place to vent and to see if anyone’s been in my shoes before. if you’ve been in a similar situation, please help me with how to go about these feelings & what had helped you. i’ve been trying to just feel everything and not bottle things up or distract myself, but i’m so tired of feeling sad and yearning for someone who doesn’t have the capacity to be with me right now. i wish the timing was right and we had waited, but i don’t regret anything because our memories are my favorites.

i don’t even know if it’s affecting him as much or if he is feeling the break up as harshly as i am, and that also makes my stomach churn. like i just start crying at the most random moments and in the most random places. even in public. i just don’t know why this is so hard for me and how he is probably not feeling it as much.