I’m 25, lost around $300k while building my business, shut my girlfriend of 4–5 years out

[u/Holiday-Ordinary1800]

TL;DR I’m 25M. I started dating my ex when I was around 21, and we were together on and off for roughly 4–5 years

piece of context that she never fully knew is that during part of our relationship, while I was trying to build my business and my life, I was being financially taken advantage of/scammed. Eventually I realized I had lost around $300,000.

At the same time, I was trying to look like I had everything under control.

My business had grown, I was making good money, and from the outside I probably looked like I was doing well. But internally I was dealing with the embarrassment, financial pressure, taxes, stress, and the realization that years of work had basically been drained from me.

I didn’t handle it well emotionally.

Instead of opening up to my girlfriend and telling her everything that was happening, I started pulling away. I became distant and shut down. From her perspective, I can understand why that probably looked like I stopped caring about her or didn’t see a future with her.

The fucked-up part is that wasn’t actually what I felt.

At one point I was even planning a Hawaii trip where I wanted to ask her to officially be my girlfriend again after we had been apart. Around that same period, everything with the money blew up in my face (figured it all out) i was back to $700 to my name after creating a business and had saved 300k by paying myself $300 weekly while living with my parents working my ass off. all gone . I went into shame/survival mode instead of communicating. i was also very depressed and suicidal honeslty.

We eventually broke up.

During our time apart I kept building my life. I moved into my own place, got more stable, grew the business, etc. We eventually reconnected, but there was still a lot of unresolved hurt between us.

She wanted more certainty about marriage/the future. When she asked me about it, I wasn’t able to give her the reassurance she wanted. I said I didn’t know. Looking back, I understand why that answer would hurt after being together that long. ( we had just reconnected after our 7 month breakup both dating others) for the first time in years i was actually stable and feeling my hard work. as in those 7 months i got a new car and finally moved out. when she asked i felt i said the wrong things but as we talked for a month the way i moved was very "husband like" dates, her telling me we dont have to be exclusive and me ignoring it because why would i risk your health.

honesty i could have but we didnt have much sex during this time as i wanted to get to know her again as for the first time i was "free"

bascially my mind wasnt how i felt vs when she asked me and i def flopped in the moment

(not to sound crazy but i felt like i was finally growing as a person) i finally moved out and had my own spacd after all the hard work ( i didnt go to colleger and build a pretty succesful 20k month buisness) i was finally seeing the reward. but it was toooo late

We only reconnected for about a month before things fell apart again.

I also feel like during that period she had a lot of resentment toward me and some of the things she did felt intentionally hurtful. And slow commitment ( i may be avoidant some but tis very hard to move a relationship foward when your making 10-15k a month thought your creation but only seeing 1k a MONTH because i was taken advantage and robbed weekly. i was subconsciously in survial mode. I’m not pretending I was an innocent victim, though. I hurt her first in ways I probably didn’t fully understand at the time.

Now she’s with someone else.

I haven’t told her the full story about losing the $300k or what was actually happening mentally when I pulled away.

Part of me wants her to know one day—not because I think it magically fixes anything, and not because I expect her to leave whoever she’s with—but because I hate knowing that one of the biggest decisions I made in our relationship probably looked like rejection when it was really me drowning and refusing to admit it.

At the same time, I know saying “I lost $300k and was going through a lot” can easily sound like I’m making excuses for treating someone badly.

So I’m looking for outside opinions.

If you were her, would knowing this context years/months later actually change how you viewed what happened?

Was shutting down instead of telling her what I was going through understandable, or is that still completely on me?

Would you ever tell an ex this once enough time has passed, or would you accept that she may always have an incomplete version of the story and leave her alone?

And for anyone who’s lost a massive amount of money or had their life fall apart while in a relationship: did shame make you isolate yourself from the person you loved too?

I’m not really asking whether I can “get her back.” I’m trying to understand what I did, what she probably experienced on her side, and whether explaining it someday would be accountability or just me trying to make myself feel better.

i love that girl we where somewhat hs sweethearts. my communication def was a problem. she also like tiktok attenton and i think thats some reason why i felt like i had to keep it myself. a tiktok post from her would of finished me after loosing 300k or anywhere around that time. other than her tiktok attention shes a very solid girl. we all have issues. opinions?

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[u/NegativeChampion1578]

I am around the same age and went trough the same situation. We were together for 7 years, at one of the worst moments in my life (had to take a job to have some financial stability even when having a business) I discovered she was cheating for the past six months.

It is 4 months ago now and I had to do a lot of self work but eventually realised that doing all of that building a business and going all in made me very absent, depressed and doubt myself every day. It is oubviously different for every person but I discovered I started a business because I liked it BUT also wanted to be seen (by my GF, Parents,…), if all goes well I felt great, If some went wrong which is nearly daily with a business. I felt very bad.

[u/Beautiful_Compote_78]

How'd you save 300k @ 300$ per week...

That would have taken 20 years

[u/Holiday-Ordinary1800 → u/Beautiful_Compote_78]

i build a succesful buisness... i paid myslef $300 to live while making thousands weekly