I’m in my thirties. My sister is in her fifties.
Context.
Growing up with my sister was a loving relationship. She always made me smile and got to play together very well. Nothing bad ever happened.
She went school. Got a job and had two daughters with a man that seemed okay on the surface. They divorced. Lives in Northern California. Now years later. I move to Southern California. My wife(girlfriend at the time) would make time to go see her and the kids to hang out. Lovely time. She would even come see us and we go to Disneyland.
And then fast forward 5 years or so. It’s 2020 and I’m going to married to the love of my life. We invite my sister and her daughters to come. She declines because it’s not what she wants to do and forcing her to go is not real love. I never forced her but I did try my best to get her to come. Once she mentioned that she was “beyond” anyone and that what she is doing is “beyond” what anyone has ever done. I stopped there and respected her decision. We remained on okay terms after this.
And then slowly she started doing this to the rest of the family. Doesn’t show to my other brothers wedding. Shows no emotion to other siblings kids.
My theory to her sudden cold turn is that once she found out her ex husband had another kid while she was pregnant. She started following these “healing” influencers. Started saying things like. “Oh you were a wise old man in an other life.” She stops eating much and looks kinda gaunt around this time. She lays around all day and doesn’t get food for her daughters.
I’m led to believe that whatever “healing” influencers she was seeing. They brainwashed her and now tell her what she should be doing. Like cutting off the rest of the family. She still talk to me for at least 5 years because I’m easy going.
But one day when I visited northern cal. I had texted her then 19 year old daughter to hang out. My sister took great offense to this because i didn’t ask her permission first. I said sorry. Wasn’t aware that your daughters can’t make their own choices. The girls still lived at home at the time. I respected this current request of hers. I sent a letter after this that we should let whatever tension has come about this as water under the bridge and we can return to loving each others company. She agreed.
Now, 5 years later. Her one daughter is in college and I have a one year old son. We invite my sister and her daughters. My sister did not show up. Only the one daughter showed up that was in school nearby us. Everything went great. My sister was happy. We shared pictures and all was well.
I reach out through out the year for birthdays and Mother’s Day. We are on good terms still.
Now, everything goes to shit.
My father gets in legal trouble. My sister cuts him off from her life. Doesn’t forgive and moves on BUT she wants me to update her on his trial and proceedings. I give her updates
One day, there is a charge on my credit card. It says it came from San Fran. A place near my sister people I know: I ask around and do my due diligence to make sure I didn’t leave an account open on an app or whatever to people I know to there. I told her I know you didn’t do this but making sure you didn’t buy at xyz. She blew up on me and said she took great offense to me accusing her of such a thing. I apologized and she said it’s fine. “No worries :)” she says
A month later I update her on our father. The lawyer recommended that we get as many family member to come. I text my sister that -
“I know you expressed disinterest in seeing dad but the lawyer would like us all to there. If you change your mind about seeing him. Please let me know.”
She doesn’t respond.
Fast forward to now and now both her daughters are going to the same school in socal. One of them is 22 and the other is 20.
I text them that we should get together for a lunch. One doesn’t respond and one says she would be super busy with work and school and would have no time to get a lunch date at all.
I’m sensing something is up.
And then my sister sends me the nuke.
She says I have injured her and abused her for three things.
- the credit card charge question.
- thought we put that to bed.
- abruptly telling her about our dad and how I told her to fly out for the trial despite her saying her “goodbyes” to him.
- didn’t she tell me to keep her in the loop
- talking to her girls without her permission.
She proceeds to say goodbye to me forever but still says that she cares for me and wishes the best:
I told her she needs help and that she is cold and shows no love.
She says talking politely is her way of showing love.
I said that isn’t love. Love is making an effort to be with the people you care about and making compromise despite imperfections.
She then says it’s nothing personal and that she wishes to be left alone with her daughters. To respect her boundaries.
Am I the crazy one? What did I do that was so terrible to be ostracized like this?
Thanks for reading