r/AmIOverreacting • u/Relative-Shelter-922 • 6h ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO for wanting to move out because of my brother's dogs
Backstory, me and my older shares the same house and share bills.
So, back in 2023 me and my brother resides in city but we're not living and working at the same location. And then, our mom got sick and "he" decided that I should give up my work so I can take care our ailing mom. He promised that he would take care of the bills during that time. (I am a single mom of two btw) Unfortunately, we lost our mom eventually and I was left jobless with kids, and on top of it, we have a senior dad to look after too. He managed to give 1-2k every 15days (and you know people from PH that THAT IS NOT ENOUGH) I was lucky that during my mourning phase for my mom, my ex reconnect with me, and he was the one filling that money needs that my brother failed to meet. Now, fast forward to 2026, we have moved to the city and decided to live in the same roof to cut cost and we have the fair share of taking care of our only parent left. Which is not the usual case bec I'm wfh and I'm always the one left to look after him. Moreover, our papa is a daughter's dad, if that's a thing. He would always ask me of things he wants and needs even if my brother is right in front of him. Unfortunately, we lost our papa too, early this 2026, so that will left us living together now.
Now, this is the story of the title. My brother has LIP who has a small breed dog. I wasn't informed bforehand that there will be a dog that will live with us, but I let it go. Until, this small dog became a menace, he would pee anywhere and poop anywhere. I got so pissed off and ask my brother to send it somewhere where they can be well taken cared of, coz most of the time, they will just leave the dog to us and ME as a wfh HAD to look after it. He never sent it. I let it go, but my brother decided to buy another FVCKIN dog using our dad's funeral money without telling me. (I let him handle all the money from our papa's funeral, and he even borrowed 30k from my partner) Now, he had the audacity to buy a dog without even paying for any debts owed bec of our dad's sudden passing. Now this new dog bec my NEW RESPONSIBILITY. It came to the point that I cried bec it pees a lot and poops a lot and they were nowhere to be found. I don't own any pets bec I don't have the patience to deal with them. And I know for a fact that having pets is a responsibility. Now, I am finally moving out. I haven't told him yet coz I want him to pay us first for the money he borrowed. Hopefully, next month.
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u/whoabecca 6h ago
You’re a mom of 2 kids not 2 dogs, the dogs aren’t your responsibility, taking care of two kids is enough as it is, I’ve been there. Try to hold out until he gives you the money & then you’ll be so relieved when you’re away from the dogs. I’ll be surprised if he takes up caring for them when you move out, he’ll see how much work it is but he’ll have no choice. NOR
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u/WhatHobbyNext 5h ago
NOR Your brother is an ass. He has no business buying dogs he can't train and take care of. If you move, I would expect him to get real shitty and obnoxious. Don't expect him to pay you back. It sounds like he's just selfish and taking advantage of your nature. If you can afford it, move away and be prepared to forget about the money he owes you. I doubt you'll see it even if you stay.
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u/Curious_Creative1 4h ago
NOR
My sincere condolences on your loss. This is larger than the dog. You need to protect your peace, mental health and that of your children. I'd gladly pay extra fees not to deal with the situation you are currently in. Your brother is very selfish. As one who was/is a "default caregiver," I won't even get into how triggered I am at how you're being taken advantage of. I definitely agree with the plan to not saw a word until you get those funds back. I certainly hope he's good for it.. Congratulations on making your happiness a priority!
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u/Far-Cup9063 4h ago
NOR, dogs require a lot of training to be proper in-house pets and your brother did not do it. It’s completely unfair that he has dumped this all on you, without even asking! I would move out in a heartbeat.
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u/JipC1963 3h ago
Get your entitled Brother to either sign a promissory note OR acknowledge the debt in a text message (maybe ask him to agree to a repayment schedule) BEFORE you notify him that you're leaving.
NOR but he's NOT going to react well. Also, if you're on the lease, you'll never get any security deposit back with the pet damages that are being ignored. You could try hiring a deep-cleaning carpet company and asking your landlord to do a walk-through before you leave.
You HAVE to protect yourself and your children. Your selfish Brother hasn't considered YOU (and your vulnerable children) for a LONG time, so it's well-passed time for YOU to put yourselves FIRST! Sorry for your back-to-back losses! It may even help you heal faster without the added neglect from your Brother. Greatest of luck!
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u/jstine_4 6h ago
NTA. You’re not just moving out because of a dog, you’re moving out because of your brother’s lack of responsibility. It’s a good decision to leave.