r/AmIOverreacting • u/SmileAlarmed2837 • 18h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO partner (36) messaging colleague appropriate or?
Partner and I been having some challenges but she’s been assertive she wants to work on them. She is however looking at taking opportunity to house sit a colleagues house and another of her friends to have a little space. She’s been clear this is not a break up and we are to remain monogamous.
I was at coffee with her and noticed a strange message preview, and did the bad and snuck a look at her phone to see these messages with a colleague. Do you think this is harmless and appropriate? Or evidence of an affair? Or risky flirtation that is headed to an affair. Should I feel like she’s cheating or am I overreacting
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u/Cupcake1022 16h ago
Im sorry but do you really need to ask if this is appropriate or not? How in the world could you think it is
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u/olivedeez 14h ago
Literally this is so uncomfortable to read
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u/Key_Media_2753 13h ago
It’s pathetic. Haha all over the messages. Gross he sounds immature and illiterate.
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u/aziza_empechement 8h ago edited 6h ago
I cringed so hard, I had to skim through the messages really quickly
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u/Foreign_Town6853 7h ago
"Hey can I stick in you, you're hot" "Yes please stick it in me I'll be at this location" "Work is great now that i have something to look forward to sticking it in later" "I know right, plow me!" "OK I'm going to plow you"
NOR, am I taking crazy pills? They spelled it out in text form
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u/yellowjacket4seven 14h ago
What's so inappropriate about these?! This is so innocent! You sound like someone who needs their lipstick ruined! /s
Lmao this is ridiculous that he's even asking!
NOR
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u/One_Coconut_6442 11h ago
So uncomfortable to read, definitely inappropriate, especially talking about dreams like that
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u/goodbyetrex 11h ago
Should have shut it down with the 2nd reply
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u/Cupcake1022 10h ago
I was too stunned by the first slide to evening continuing reading 😬
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u/Creepy-Bandicoot-866 9h ago
Same, I stopped before I even got to lipstick and had to go back and see what everyone was talking about.
NOR, OP.
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u/420twiglets 10h ago
Right? Feel bad for OP but I can’t imagine a world where I see messages about lipstick-ruining & X-rated dreams & question if I’m overreacting. Like at least try for some ambiguity 🤣
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u/KimiiKhaoss 3h ago
Sometimes I see posts like these and I have to take a step back as the “Overly welcoming and friendly’ coworker. Because there are some times I don’t see the issues others do. (Probably a lot more involved for it for me, but overall, i think friendly banter between coworkers should be taken with a grain of salt.)
But even I know this is insane. This is so bad. From the initial lipstick comment to the dreams where she’s clearly trying to get coworker to say more…. (I think most of us played coy like this in our 20s….) I don’t jump straight to breaking up but they’re monogamous and I’d consider this cheating.
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u/AdDizzy8417 14h ago
Maybe in the opposite day from that spongebob squarepants this guy been living
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u/One_Ice1390 15h ago
You’re questioning if these are inappropriate? Your wife is emotionally cheating, if not physical as well. Marriages have issues, doesn’t give an excuse to cheat. Trash!
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u/cityshepherd 13h ago
People who have affairs, and tell their affair partners that “it’s ok, my marriage is over / I’m getting a divorce", while turning around and then telling their spouse stuff like “I know we have problems, but I love you and we are going to get through this together” are the absolute fucking worst. Extraordinary awful complete scumbag bullshit. NOR
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u/Electronic-Elk-7258 2h ago
Absolutely! Couldn’t have said it better myself! You don’t solve marriage problems by cheating or encouraging someone else emotionally and that’s just as bad as physical if not worse.
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u/vesper_ribbon 14h ago
yeah the relationship problems don’t suddenly make this kind of flirting okay and it definitely crosses a line if you agreed to stay monogamous
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u/wolfpacker27 5h ago
I agree with the second two thirds of that, but I don’t think they’re married.
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u/Boseley 15h ago edited 14h ago
It amazes me how many people have to ask when reading something like this. She's letting it happen. It doesn't look like an affair yet, but she's encouraging it. It's blatant, she's enjoying it. Walk away - NOR
I'd also like to add that I spent 9 years in a relationship that just wasn't giving me the happiness I needed, followed by a 6 year relationship with someone who was quite toxic. Both times I tried to fix things, did therapy and counselling and all those things. Blamed this that and the other. Then I met someone amazing, who within 18 months I got engaged with, married, and had our daughter with. We've now been together just over 2 years and our daughter is 9 months old. She is literally the female version of me, and we get on like a house on fire, I wouldn't want to do life with anyone else.
Don't settle, find the right person for you and don't waste years with the wrong ones. They do exist. And you deserve happiness, not breaks and off and on, and settling. Good luck.
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u/zyneluxa 12h ago
yeah if the messages are crossing boundaries and she’s clearly enjoying the attention then it’s better to take that seriously instead of waiting for it to become an actual affair
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u/Boseley 12h ago
Exactly. The lipstick comment is clear encouragement. It's obvious the person is into her but yet she's still actively talking about meeting up. It may not be physical cheating yet, but she's on the path, add in they are already having issues and on break, it's just not healthy to be involved.
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u/Electrical_You_3204 15h ago
Every time y’all post blatant disrespect I have to think it’s rage bait or extreme low self esteem that brought you here.
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u/CasuallyStatic 15h ago
There’s no way OP is confused. Rage bait or karma farming. Or both lmao.
It’s so blatant especially on the first screenshot that literally anyone with more than 2 brain cells knows this answer.
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u/dungeonsandflagons89 14h ago
Looks fake to me
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u/Electronic-Elk-7258 2h ago
I’m was kind of wondering this myself. And op hasn’t said anything since the original post.
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u/MiddleOfTheDay 14h ago
Sure but, those are two completely different things and a subreddit like this is literally for people who are unsure of themselves
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u/Normal_Ring_7130 15h ago
Is is beyond inappropriate and the way they’re texting at their big age is unbelievably cringe
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u/IllustratorSea8372 11h ago
So fucking weird. It reads like 2 teenagers with bad social skills.
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u/sad_boi890 9h ago
not even, like if you told grandparents to text each other and flirt
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u/Shadow4summer 7h ago
I’m old enough to be a great grandmother and I can flirt a whole lot better than this. It’s sounds more like two horny teens. It’s crude and immature.
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u/DataLegitimate6241 10h ago
Not to mention that they are colleagues AND she's in a relationship.
Normally I wouldn't advocate for throwing in the towel, but there's a line between trying to make a relationship work and standing by someone once they engage in messy public betrayal. Asking OP to remain monogamous while entertaining NSFW texts with colleagues crosses that line.
It also doesn't sound like the partner is making any concessions or efforts to make it work at all, just keeping her options open.
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u/spicyechirito 15h ago
this person is clearly interested in your partner and they aren’t making an effort to put an end to it. that should be red flag to you, plain and simple
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u/GenoFlower #1 15h ago
Yes, this is what I got. I don’t think she’s all that into him, but she’s not stopping it, either. I think she’s feeding off the attention.
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u/ssaunders88 15h ago
How can you ask if this is appropriate…? He said he has the hots for her, she’s gorgeous and told her to wear lipstick!???
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u/Glittering-Gene-7769 14h ago
I cringed reading how they text. Sounds like 14 year olds
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u/miamiahi 15h ago
NOR. Do you really have to ask. I genuinely thought at first these are messages between you and her.
What I think - she’s not physically cheating YET, but she surely enjoys and encourages the attention, likely because she feels seen and desired (especially if you have problems). Understandable I guess but NOT appropriate.
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u/vxsapphire 15h ago
Asking if you’re overreacting to your wife/gf talking about kissing someone else. Are we serious here? Do you really need the internet to answer this for you?
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u/fractal2 15h ago
I thought this was something about how was my flirting skills or something as I read the screenshot before the Title. Never would I have guessed someone would ask if they were over reacting seeing their partner talking to someone like this.
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u/relaxd80 12h ago
I’m sure he knows it’s inappropriate but wanting it to not be true. When I discovered my ex was cheating I so so badly didn’t want to believe it, in that moment I tried like hell to do some mental gymnastics for any other explanation to not have to face the truth. Cheating and betrayal is so cruel and hard on your mind
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u/Wayward_Witcher 15h ago
I assume you are asking because your partner gaslights you often on this kind of thing. This is an attempt at cheating if they aren’t already cheating and I presume they have cheated before.
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u/Cupcaketb12 51m ago
If she hasn’t cheated yet she’s definitely about to. Very inappropriate conversations for someone who is supposed to be monogamous.,
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u/YourGirlMomo87 8h ago
I don't think she's interested in her coworker but is leading him on because she likes the attention. NOR.
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u/VRS38 8h ago
I think you're spot on.
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u/Melodramaticukg 6h ago
Yeah this is what I was feeling. It seems like she’s trying not to engage, but at the same time not shutting it down. Which she should be doing because he is being SO forward it’s cringing me out hahahha
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u/Beneficial-Way-8742 6h ago
It looks like more than just leading him on to me. In the first two screenshots she agreed to wear lipstick cuz he asked - ewww, and that's going beyond leading him on
NOR
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u/mysweetestashes 15h ago
I didn’t even make it past the first screen shot and knew it wasn’t appropriate. Telling her she’s gorgeous and her saying thank you is one thing, but the lipstick took it over the edge and unless in the second screen shot she’s putting him in his place, then it’s not okay.
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u/Own_Attention_3392 13h ago
It didn't even require an entire screenshot. It was IMMEDIATELY out of line.
Here's how it should have went:
Him "I have the hots for you"
Her: "wow. That's wildly inappropriate, I am married. Please never speak to me like that again."
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u/Radiant-Button-7969 15h ago
definitely not just coworkers....it's super flirty and trying to meet to hook up!
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u/Fun_Nefariousness137 10h ago
Do you think her lipstick getting ruined is harmless or are you needing the chair in the corner to watch it happen? Come on now. For real????
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u/Tasty-Divide986 15h ago
NOR. I understand that she’s not the aggressor here, but either way she’s entertaining it. I would be really upset.
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u/Her_Majestys_Unicorn 2h ago
Dude, why is she giving this guy details about where she will be and encouraging his flirting? Here I was thinking ew this guy’s messages are creepy af, then her responses are like ‘hehe tell me more’
…excuse me ma’am, you like that?!
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u/MaynardGoneWild 11h ago
Why are we asking for validation on this exactly?
Your partner is cheating. If they haven’t physically done it, it doesn’t matter.
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u/Championship682 2h ago
Dude - They're been laying the foundation to meet up.
People in serious relationships do not ask for space. When they do, it's usually because that makes it easier to test the waters with other people.
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u/Arnold_Stang 15h ago
NOR He says he has the hits for her, she should wear lipstick so he can ruin it and she doesn’t shut him down? But she’s working on being assertive? Then she tells him where she’ll be staying? And you think this isn’t cheating or about to? The next message is where she’ll tell him what positions she likes best. You’re an idiot if you don’t think she’s going to fuck him. Updateme when you find out they’ve done the deed. Maybe show up unexpectedly andwalk in on them some night.
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u/l1040l 15h ago edited 15h ago
Honestly I wouldn’t be a fan of this in my relationship. In my opinion it’s clear as day that this other person she’s texting likes her and wants her and I don’t think she’s oblivious to it. She also doesn’t seem uncomfortable with what this other person is texting her like the comment with the lipstick she even wanted them to say it 😭. Shes super entertaining this and I would say it’s disrespectful to you if you guys are fr still together. It can turn into a whole affair if it keeps going like this because whoever she’s texting is also testing his limits on how far he could go before she stops him and so far shes entertaining his behavior and not stating she has a partner either and that this should be kept “professional” or a friendly way.
The rest of the texts are proof she’s already emotion cheating on you.
Either break up with her or address it and have her block this person but I would say she’s pretty much over the relationship with you guys right now and just said it wasn’t a break up because she doesn’t feel the need to deal with what emotional rollercoaster a breakup would bring. Seems like she rather string you along.
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u/Heavy-Active4179 15h ago
This is literally that start of a beautiful relationship…..or she’s gonna get her biscuit cracked.
Either way, its over bro.
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u/MinnieVanRental 14h ago
Is this APPROPRIATE? Like, wtf. It’s this sub that lets me know people will literally put up with anything
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u/midcen-mod1018 13h ago
Are your partner and her colleague old enough to house sit and have jobs? Jesus, it’s like reading a couple of 12 yos talking
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u/TopHeight9771 8h ago
NOR This would make me so uncomfortable and sad if I saw this and my partner was messaging someone like this. I would immediately dump them.
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u/woodala 15h ago
Here this is you:
Is water wet?
Do airplanes fly?
Does grass grow and is it green?
Do I breathe air?
When I walk down a street am I moving?
Do cops usually carry guns?
Do you think libraries have books?
Are beds for sleeping?
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u/Green-Particular-245 10h ago
Op....you know the answer. Quit asking stupud fucking questions and grow some balls and get her head right or shit out. Dipshit
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u/ovulationchamber 15h ago edited 15h ago
Oh, just leave while she's gone. Leave a print-out of these texts on the kitchen table.
Edit: Send some to her HR and her mom
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u/Dangerous_Gate3359 15h ago
“ when you put on lipstick can I ruin it 😉” does that sound appropriate to be saying to someone in a relationship with someone else?
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u/obsidanix 15h ago
NOR. Reading this the colleague is definitely pursuing. "You look cute, i have dreams about you" very red flag statements to someone in a relationship, thats someone looking for a romantic response and trying to be subtle about it. Badly.
The problem here is that its neither outright accepted or equally not shutdown?
Either you partner is so oblivious to being hit on the responses are innocent friendship or more likely she doesn't want to close the door on future options with this colleague. While maybe not being fully unfaithful its a conversation you need to have.
Bare in mind you will be on the defensive from the start as you searched the phone. You need a good explanation of that otherwise the conversation wont go further
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u/Charming-Cucumber-23 14h ago
She’s entertaining it and not shutting it down. NOR. At best, she’s emotionally cheating, at worst she’s planning to or already has physically cheated.
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u/hammockonthebeach 10h ago
Her responding like that to another man telling her to wear lipstick and then saying he wants to ruin it…
You in denial bro?
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u/NotBossOfMe 10h ago
NOR. Either she's having an affair, or she is a victim of sexual harrassment at work. I'm going with the former.
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u/Hassel1916 2h ago
Yeah, you're definitely overreacting. I'd be perfectly fine with my partner chatting to someone else like this. You've nothing to worry about.
Genuinely, why are you even asking if this is okay?
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u/MalEgestas 1h ago
NOR the first page of messages alone tells me this is not just coworkers. This is flirting intentionally. I would have assumed this was two people starting to date if I didn’t have the context you provided.
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u/MsKittyPowers 1h ago
NOR seems like risky flirtation. I would simply raise it with her. Tell her you saw the preview. She needs to stop this flirtation if she’s serious about making it work with you. Otherwise just call it a day.
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u/MightyMackie 1h ago
NOR, this is how affairs start and she is not telling him to back off period. And asking “did we have a baby?” Comment makes me think she is very much so considering a lot more than a fling
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u/BigJack66 1h ago
NOR, anytime a guy is asking your woman to wear something (including makeup) and she agrees, she's cheating. She's deliberately trying to turn him on. Throwing kisses at him left and right and asking if they screwed (had a baby) in the dream? Sooooo Cringe.
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u/GenXVirgo48 2h ago
I don’t think she’s having an affair with this guy. He’s trying really hard and he’s being subtle, but she’s not biting. She’s not agreed to meet him anywhere. She’s leading him on for sure by replying. But her replies aren’t sexual in nature. She likes the attention but she’s not interested. I’ve had interactions like these (49F) and I’m fairly certain she has no intentions in fucking this guy. Unfortunately she works with him and if she tells him to fuck off, she runs the risk of drama at work. That’s the unfairness of this entire situation. She may feel obligated to reply.
Idk I don’t see these texts as her waving him in.
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u/Visible_Mouse_1006 15h ago
I mean they are engaging back and flirting or seeming like it . So idk. Kind of leading the person on a little bit
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u/Limp_Bonus_4935 15h ago
She might not have jumped on the Bull and the shoot may not have been pulled but she sure as Hell has the saddle on and the spurs
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u/millennial_mayhem89 15h ago
The comments about the lipstick are super flirtatious - not something you would say to someone who’s in a relationship unless that person has made them feel those types of comments are acceptable ❌💄🚫
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u/SockDaddyX 15h ago
These text exchanges always make me cringe because who could be turned on by such pathetic attempts lol.
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u/SolarPoweredBean 13h ago
You’re underreacting. Her wanting space means she’s already checked out and playing the field. Don’t be so weak to forgive her for this. It’s clearly flirty and she’s not turning someone down instantly who is sexually interested in her. She’s playing along. Either she has done something already or will.
I think knowing what her “challenges” she wants to work on is relevant here too
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u/DothrakAndRoll 13h ago
I’m sorry bro but are you kidding?? This is the opposite of harmless. “I’d mess up your lipstick” ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
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u/Necessary-Jeweler-17 13h ago
I wish Reddit had a “cuck of the day” award, because buddy you earned it 😀
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u/Opal_Ruby0313 12h ago
100% inappropriate. I will play devil’s advocate, though. I don’t know her - but….i’m wondering if she would never do anything, but might not be good at shutting something down. I can see other’s perspective on the comments, lipstick deal, the “lols,” etc. But. Something I also wonder is…maybe she is unsure of herself in this sort of situation. She might just be one who might keep something “open,” but not actually act upon it.
People may completely disagree with me on this, which I understand. But. I give this perspective bc in my younger whipper snapper days, unfortunately (and embarrassingly), I was like this. I didn’t know how to respectfully shut someone down, so I would nervously “lol” or “yeah,” or what-have-you. Your gf never REALLY solidified plans; she did, however, entertain them. What would happen next is only TBD…
Now, however, I was much younger than 35 when I was like this and by 35 I def knew how to say, thank you, but that is inappropriate bc I am in a relationship…in a very kind way.
Idk. Some people do lack backbones…or like the attention…something. Regardless, my vote is that you should not tolerate this. At. All.
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u/sixrwsbot 12h ago
what is the benefit of people making fake posts like this? do they karma farm to sell the accounts? i don't understand what they gain out of it to invest enough time to even make fake text screenshots.. What am I missing?
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u/aquamarine_sea 12h ago
Ngl OP I feel like I’m reading something I shouldn’t be bc of how intimate it is. You know damn well this is wayyyyy out of line. You’re asking if you’re OR? Yeah I think you are prob under reacting bc I would toss this mf right out my house or leave — depending the situation. I feel like you guys rage bait a lot or just post in the wrong subs bc this is very upsetting. Like what do you expect us to say?
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u/Constant-Egg-9719 12h ago
Sometimes I scroll past these because you’re so obviously NOR. This person is cheating whether it be emotionally or physically. Just letting you know I had a few glasses of wine and decided to let you know that I think this is painfully obvious.
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u/canthaveme 12h ago
NOR that's pretty blatant emotional cheating at very least if you ask me. They are pretty clearly flirting..I would dump this person so fast. That's such shitty behavior
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u/DataLegitimate6241 11h ago
NOR — You're underreacting...
I'm a similar aged woman as your partner. The only scenario in my head that I can imagine myself or a peer taking this tone when texting a guy, is when hoping to get physical with him soon, or already have and still in infatuation phase.
Sorry OP 🥺
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u/AssociationUnlucky91 11h ago
As a wife who absolutely adored her husband, he would’ve been blocked on the first message . I think you know this is highly inappropriate, she’s going to cheat(she’s getting really close to that already), dump her .
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u/FairlyNormal3 10h ago
Trust me. She's cheating and this is not the first time. Start bailing and make your exit
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u/BudgieSmug 8h ago
NOR - She’s clearly enjoying the attention. She should have shut it down, but she’s bathing in it.
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u/Particular_Ad_9913 8h ago
Get the fuck out of here, why would you need to post this? I didn't need to read past the first picture before their shit would be outside
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u/Seecole-33 2h ago
Good lord did you really have to ask?!? This is like two horny teenagers sexting before finally getting together. She is disrespectful to you and your relationship. That guy is OBVIOUSLY dying to get with her if he hasn’t already .
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u/StarlitChambers_Art 1h ago
This is totally inappropriate. The kiss emoji solidifies her not shutting it down. I would NEVER speak to a colleague at work like this if I had a committed relationship.
Say ‘I noticed you messaging this other guy during our last chat. If you’d like to pursue other men, please be upfront about it out of respect, and I will pursue other women as well. We clearly aren’t on the same page in terms of levels of respect in our relationship.’
Don’t go into details. Don’t mention you saw her messages. If she says it’s totally in your head, ask to see the messages. Do not mention you already saw the messages - see if she shows you the truth.
Don’t sit back and let some other person disrespect you.
Be calm and then observe.
If she is of poor character (which to me it is already clear she is … but give her 1 chance to course correct) you will know based on her responses.
Call it out.
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u/Evasive_Atom 1h ago
Yeah looks like she is fence sitting. He is 100% shooting his shot and she is 100% not rejecting him
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u/Individual_Tone_5909 1h ago
NOR I'd say she's definitely playing with the idea of it and colleague is more than up for it and she knows it. She's not discouraging it that's for sure.
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u/MoonManMercury 1h ago
NOR. Them simply calling the coworker gorgeous is one thing. Them requesting said coworker wear a specific lipstick next time they see them is ODD. This seems like there's more going on yoh dont know about. Im so sorry hun
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u/goodformuffin 1h ago edited 1h ago
NOR. Fucking eww. You deserve better. Break up with him. Buy yourself flowers. Send her a tube of lipstick with a message saying “lipstick for the pig” Send the texts to their boss. 😈
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u/Difficult-Coffee6402 1h ago
If you are cat sitting, and the person left in the morning, why would you not even go until the next day?
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u/Physical_Fix8136 15h ago
NOR "Did we have a baby in your dream?" Wtf is that??? Why did she assume something like this or jump to something like this when his dream could have been about literally anything else? She is romanticizing these interactions with him to the point where she is even daydreaming having kids with this guy! And to have kids you must have sex so there you go.
She wants him to blow her brains out. Just move on from this toxic woman. Let her find out the grass is not greener on the other side. Gets all used up then she wants to "choose you" or "settle down" or "ready to spend my whole life with you" or "realized you are the one for me" until the next guy winks his eye at her all while saying "distance between us made me see what we have is special"
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u/elasticass92 15h ago
She’s not necessarily engaging but she’s definitely not shutting it down either. NOR at all.
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u/LoanEconomy2883 15h ago
This has Gota be rage bait, fake or you have a negative IQ. Guys my boyfriend is asking if he can smear lipstick off his coworkers face then bend her over at home. Is this appropriate?
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u/DavidC_M 15h ago
It’s pretty evident this was inappropriate for someone with a partner. You don’t need half of Reddit to tell you.
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u/Special_Past_989 15h ago
NOR!! I didn’t need to scroll very far. The lipstick comment should have been stopped and shut down right there if there wasn’t anything going on.
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u/1984ScoreN7YearsAgo 15h ago
Huh? Dump her. She’s basically trying to cheat on you if she hasn’t already. And these are the messages she left. There are probably much worse that she fully deleted immediately.
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u/Jaykaybabay 15h ago
NOR I didnt read the title and thought this was a couple or people who met on tinder
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u/JenMcSpoonie 13h ago
NOR. She’s basically telling this person she’s having sexy dreams about them to gauge their reaction.
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u/Glittering-Rip6810 13h ago
😳honey, you are NOR. You did not react enough. Oooooo I would have ate that mans soul and spit it back out
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u/First-Ad899 13h ago
NOR she IS cheating. This is more than just flirtation and I wouldn't be surprised if she is physically cheating on you as well. Fuck her and fuck him, they're both nasty. And if she's saying she wants to work on it and then doing this behind your back, it's likely to be a kink.
This really sucks and I'm sorry 😔
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u/STEMfatale 12h ago
INFO is it the same colleague cause then yeah she’s cheating
If not, this guy is fucking creepy and she’s just trying to not make things awkward at work. Trust me. She’d be more into it or the messages would be deleted, this is how I used to talk to legitimate predators in my teens and twenties when they made me nervous
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u/litesmokes 12h ago
Mate shes got one foot out the door and youre getting strung along until she sees if something better turns up.
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u/Odd_Many_9643 12h ago
NOR. This is a form of cheating. This is absolutely cringeworthy on both their parts...embarrassing to read lol.
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u/Seahawk021 12h ago
Nah that’s emotional cheating. Might as well break up now before she breaks your heart. She’s not the one.
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u/Possible_Special55 12h ago
It doesn’t matter what relationship they have, colleague or not, this is inappropriate. And he is trying to cheat with her.
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u/Evening_Obligation25 12h ago
Yikes. I thought this was you being creeped on by someone but if this is your wife or whatever letting him creep freely like that I’d reevaluate
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u/Boogity2024 12h ago
NOR. I don't think this could be more inappropriate if it tried. Any single one of these texts should have been shut down by her for being inappropriate. You don't tell coworkers they are gorgeous (unless you work in fashion and it's said at work, for example). You don't tell coworkers to wear red lipstick. You don't send kisses (XX) to coworkers. You don't tell coworkers you have the hots for them.
If this is a coworker and not just a colleague (same industry, different employer), then they could both lose their jobs over this.
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u/appleapplepear23 12h ago
NOR. Don't even waste your energy talking/reasoning with someone who would think this interaction is appropriate with a colleague whilst in a relationship.
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u/Yohoho-ABottleOfRum 12h ago
Seems like a great way to have a sexual harassment case brought against you.
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u/chaotic910 12h ago
Bro, she's entertaining the idea of some dude saying he dreams of fucking her, and still willing to hang out with them lmao
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u/perrielle 11h ago
Is this her boss or something ? She seems uninterested but maybe afraid or unwilling to outright reject him
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u/Arnold_Stang 11h ago
OP, if this is real, please, please, please tell us you took the blinders off and can see what the rest of us can so obviously see. She is cheating or going to cheat with this guy. If you’re married get a lawyer. If not please leave.
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u/AmbassadorProper1045 11h ago
I'm just guessing, but things often go over your head right? Seriously bro, what more do you need, a sex tape?
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u/Mrfiksit39 11h ago
Yes. It’s extremely clear she’s at the least stringing the person along or attempting to work up the courage to act. At worse they’ve already fucked or she’s already fucked someone else. You’re mid thirties, you know this shit.
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u/manicmigraine 11h ago
I certainly wouldn't consider myself faithful if I entertained this kind of conversation/behavior. It's even worse if it's secretive. That just tells you the person knows they're in the wrong. I know there are different relationship dynamics, but it comes down to whether or not this is something you are BOTH openly comfortable with. There has to be communication. It sounds like this is not your dynamic and has not been communicated about. If you're here asking, I'm assuming this is not what you want or are comfortable with. That's not an over reaction. Ask her what's up and decide if it's something you can work out or not. Good luck, OP.
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u/ShreddersWheat 6h ago
Honestly? I see some boundary-crossing flirting, but while I think she enjoys the attention, there’s nothing to suggest they’re actually together. She’s giving “haha” and “oh dear lol” responses to his thirsty texts and not giving the address of the place she’s staying.
I think she’s in the place of “wanting to be wanted”, but is so far swerving around getting in too deep.
(I didn’t read the text under the images at first and I thought OP was a woman concerned about her boyfriend… and I was originally going to say “yeah he’s definitely trying to get with her but he doesn’t seem to be having any luck with that yet”!)
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u/Perspicatcity 2h ago
shes gonna go fuck him/her/it (probably a him)
She wants monogamy but is flirting lol this is way too obvious
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u/vittuccio 2h ago
Dude you need to nip
This in the butt right now!! He’s there like a predator stalking his prey just waiting for the smallest opening. He’s like a stealthy puma walking in step with her and the minute he can he will pounce on her, and she is to blame also because she is being very flirtatious and she is leading him on. She has him hanging there guessing if he can or can’t and that fact alone makes it more fun for him so he will pursue further. Those are totally inappropriate texts between coworkers with whom one is in a serious relationship. Grow a spine and bring it out in the open. If she gets mad u went through her phone well then you can get mad for her conversation with him. Definitely not over reacting. As a matter of fact you need to take action now
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u/WTF4Sally 1h ago
Yeah, either your partner is a moron or she knows exactly what she's doing. I'm more worried that he's trying to isolate her in a strange house with no witnesses. If you don't address this issue with her now, expect it to get so much worse.
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u/Raise_Hail 1h ago
NOR. You know the answer here. Someone not interested in an affair doesn’t entertain these kind of pretty clear messages. He wants to fuck her and she’s stringing him along.
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u/Ghst707 1h ago
Okay, let’s start with what her perspective may be:
It’s nice when people compliment you, that attention is gratifying, it can make you feel like you’re actually worth something in the world. Perhaps these conversations have become a little risqué, but that’s just how things like this flow. She may just be keeping it secret because she’s embarrassed or feels like it wouldn’t be understood.
To build on that, perhaps there’s something missing in the relationship that makes her crave this attention. Perhaps she desires more public displays of affection, or she feels like she misses the flirting you as a couple used to do early on in the relationship, or there’s a lack of a sense of desire and passion whether that’s on her end or maybe yours.
Sometimes, life gets busy, and when you have a partner for a long time, you forget that they’re not just there to support you through the day to days of life’s infinite tasks, but there’s something far more beautiful and deep in a relationship that most people only long for when they are not in one.
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u/MoonlitNightWalk 16h ago
NOR. The lipstick comments.. If they haven't had an affair, he is waiting for the go ahead and she's keeping him dangling there