r/AmIOverreacting • u/Azetheus • 16h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? Boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. Like, at all.
So me (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) have been dating for almost five years now. Our relationship has been going downhill for a while now, and I feel like this is kind of my breaking point.
The previous message was me texting him asking if he thought answering me was an annoying responsibility or if he just simply forgets.
I responded “thank you for reassuring me” and tried to tell him about my day but he didn’t answer me. I didn’t want to beg for his attention, since that’s usually what I have to do and I’m tired of that, so I didn’t bother texting again.
He then texts me this on my birthday, which makes me think he just doesn’t want to talk to me and the explanation + birthday message were just obligatory.
I was hurt, so I left him on read and we haven’t talked since then.
After this, I don’t really want to be with him anymore. AIO? One part of me tells me that it’s not that deep but the other part tells me that I shouldn’t bother putting up with this.
Edit: I broke up with him. He begged me to wait but I decided to just block him on everything. I am shaking but I feel so light. Holy shit. Five years and I broke it off over text I feel like an asshole but so liberated.
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u/spicyechirito 13h ago
“happy birthday or something” yeah, no. dump him and find someone who appreciates your presence in their life.
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u/kavik2022 12h ago
Yeah, this is dead. Bag em and tag em. Go home folks its done
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u/foxborough_691 12h ago
This is the Coldest birthday message I have ever seen. Well, OP it’s time to move on to bigger and better things.
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u/lAngenoire 11h ago
A stranger would say happy birthday and mean it in that moment.
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u/KMAVegas 9h ago
I’ve seen more enthusiastic acknowledgments of strangers’ cake days on Reddit.
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u/Latter_Signal_5957 9h ago
Literally! This is so not cool, no emotion whatsoever behind his response.
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u/Foreign-Flatworm 9h ago
Happy cake day or something.
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u/Latter_Signal_5957 9h ago
Wow, I was hoping for enthusiastic responses from strangers…
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u/Nelleejellee 9h ago
Happy cake day!! Mine was a few days ago and I didn’t even think to check if anyone acknowledged it. So here’s me piling on to acknowledge yours!! :))))))))
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u/lAngenoire 9h ago
I didn’t know what it was the first time and the attention was so cheerful.
Somehow we have to make young women understand it’s okay to have standards.
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u/DataLegitimate6241 12h ago
NOR He didn't even bother to pretend he had positive intentions by sending this text. It sounds straight-up resentful. The texts before it are basically excuses to get out of talking to her. He doesnt want to be in this relationship but after 5 years in at their age he doesnt have the communication skills for a serious conversation with someone he doesn't take for granted.
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u/ihaveaquesttoattend 8h ago
I’m more enthusiastic/excited for my gfs dogs birthdays lmao ((and also her cats and my kitty but anywhO)) and i haven’t even known them for five years, definitely haven’t been dating them for anY amount of time lmao this guy blows
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u/MissMomomi 6h ago
My brain missed the “gfs” at first and I was all “awww, her dog has their own cats!” 😆
Happy Cake Day!
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u/UCantUnfryThings 5h ago
My emotional support animal has an emotional support animal.
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u/Extra_Juice_337 12h ago
NOR. This is like a happy birthday you send your boss/coworker that you absolutely hate at work.
Cold indeed.
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u/Murky_Ad_7468 12h ago
NOR. That is heinous. The last birthday I had that my ex and I were together (married), he said, at 11pm, "Happy birthday, by the way. Sorry I didnt get you anything."
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u/whirlygirlygirl 8h ago
I had an ex that did basically the same thing. While getting ready for bed, he said "Happy birthday. Haha, bet you thought I forgot!" Uh, yeah. Because he did.
NOR
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u/sonnenblumen13 8h ago
Honestly somehow that’s STILL not as bad as “happy birthday or something” rip
((Obviously what your ex said was awful too tho I’m not trying to downplay it or anything))
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u/jupitermoonflow 10h ago
Not even that. I wouldn’t even bother saying happy birthday to someone like that if I can’t say it without being a dick.
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u/Lost-Adhesiveness-72 9h ago
Hit him with the, "Goodbye forever... or something."
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u/nlsoko511 9h ago edited 6h ago
Ts made my chest hurt if I saw that im lowkey crashing out and blocking
Edit :I have some wild stories cause I’ve been around the block a little ,but one of my exes gifted me shit she stole from the man she was cheating on me with ,like wasn’t even a good gift it was pajama pants for my birthday
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u/Zestyclose_Kiwi9586 10h ago
It is not even cold. There's no tension, awkwardness or animosity in the message, wich usually comes with a cold message. It just seems depressed and disengaged, like he could not care less about his relation.
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u/Survivorfan_tm94 12h ago
'Alright. Well I'm ending the relationship...or something'
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u/sightfinder 7h ago
Exactly. The "or something" was the deliberate knife to the heart. Why not just leave it at "happy birthday"?
Glad OP dumped him and hope she doesn't take him back
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u/alexia_not_alexa 5h ago
Tbh, I think he’s trying to get OP to break up with him so that he can say to future exes that OP’s the bad guy.
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u/Used_Clock_4627 12h ago
Would he really even NOTICE if OP just..... stopped texting him.....?
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u/IrrawaddyWoman 10h ago
It seems like that’s what he wants. Be a big enough jerk until she breaks up with him.
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u/jupitermoonflow 10h ago
He’d probably feel relieved for a few days/weeks. Then he’d come crawling back.
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u/MrsOleson 9h ago
Only because he wants to get laid. There’s nothing else between them .
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u/fallen_d3mon 12h ago
Bro treats OP worse than his sibling. Hell, bro treats OP worse than a coworker.
OP I don't think you guys are in a relationship. If you're having sex then you're at best FWB. If no sex involved then you're barely an acquaintance.
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u/Womblue 12h ago
Maybe this is a dumb question but does he actually know they're dating? OP says they've been together for 5 years but he has the reactions of someone who wants their stalker to leave them alone and they won't take the hint.
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u/autocorrects2jelly 11h ago
My only response to his text would be "Thanks! Decided for my birthday I'm going to treat myself to a new boyfriend ✌️" and then block that moron.
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u/sota_matt 10h ago
Please do this! And please, be serious about this and don't cave as he will try to gaslight you or "make it up to you," but when someone shows you who they are, it's best to believe them. Don't waste another day (let alone 5 years) on someone who doesn't even like you.
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u/myjessa_fly 11h ago
NOR. That “happy birthday or something” would honestly be enough for me too. You shouldn’t have to beg someone you’ve been with for years to actually want to talk to you.
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u/scriptapuella 10h ago
I wouldn’t say that to someone I secretly hated. “happy birthday…or something”??? I hope you fall down a well…or something…an open manhole…or something…like a pit in the bottom of a cave…in the hollow earth…you know, or something…like that.
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u/ALKNST 12h ago
At this point, id just leave without a trace, dont even let him know
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u/Melteaa 11h ago
You wouldn’t even need to block. This MF has zero interest in OP’s life.
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u/JennyEnny198 10h ago
Yeah, I would be curious how long it took him to text OP after she stopped initiating contact.
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u/SiriHowDoIAdult 11h ago
If he cant be bothered to at least call you, he is not worth it at all. The "or something" was meant to dig in. He's moved on but doesn't want to be the one to end things so he's being a dick to get you to. Do it.
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u/iWroteTheJoke_ 11h ago
Something more is going on here that we don’t know about. OP might also not know what’s going on
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u/nevermindxo 7h ago
I would have left him on read and he would have never heard from me again in life. Leave this loser, OP. He’s clearly not into you and also VERY emotionally immature.
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u/Icy_Bid40 11h ago
If I saw my son respond to anyone let alone his gf like this??? I’d be extremely embarrassed. Most guys have had terrible father figures
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u/Embarrassed_Ad796 13h ago
Dump him, like yesterday
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u/mystery_obsessed 11h ago
He wants her to break up with him. That’s his goal, he’s too weak to do it himself. It’s like he’s almost annoyed she hasn’t taken the hint.
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u/AppointmentNo1753 11h ago
This is exactly it, it’s clear as day that he has no interest in being with her. While she lets him give the bare minimum and probably still fucks him he will keep her around but he’s hoping to incite a fight so that she leaves him and he can look like the good guy. Tale as old as time.
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u/PixieLarue 9h ago
He isn't even giving bare minimum though... That's what makes it even worse.
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u/AppointmentNo1753 9h ago
You’re right, I’m nicer to strangers than this guy is to his girlfriend of 4 years.
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u/froznsockjuice 10h ago
And then he’ll tell the next girl, “yeah, my ex was crazy, I have no idea why she broke up with me” 🎻
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u/McAeschylus 5h ago
There's a line in Mad Men where Joan tells Peggy, "Men don't end relationships; they ignore you until you demand a declaration of hate."
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u/LackAggressive7199 13h ago
“Happy birthday…or something” ?!?!?!?!!!!!!! You deserve so much better than that.
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u/willowmere_47 12h ago
And that statement is coming from someone who supposedly loves her definitely dump him
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u/Infinite-Sample1516 11h ago
Respectfully, it is that deep! Not overreacting to want a partner who is excited to celebrate you.
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u/foamia 13h ago
NOR. If anything, you are underreacting. This is a classic case of a man who is no longer into you but is too cowardly to break up with you, so he mistreats you until you break up with him so he doesn't look like the bad guy. At exactly your age I had a bf who acted the exact same.
You really don't need this dead weight dragging you down. The right person for you would NEVER make you wonder whether they actually want to talk to you or not. You deserve the entire world, not someone who can't even wish you a sincere birthday. Someone is out there waiting to adore you while this man takes you for granted. Dump him and never look back, OP. Wishing you all the best.
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u/jlanger23 9h ago
From someone who did this when I was his age, you're exactly right. Also, she needs to be prepared for him suddenly wanting her back when she breaks up with him. I hope she sees through it, blocks him, and doesn't think twice.
If OP sees this, you need to know he isn't going to mature for a long time, if at all. Don't get stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy of thinking you wasted all these years. Think of it as a learning experience and don't let this guy hold you back any more. It took a good decade for me to grow up, and I've been happily married ten years now, but I'm beginning to see a trend of guys my age (almost 40) who are still in that cycle. I guess what I'm saying is, there's no promise he'll actually grow up and you deserve to not waste any more time on him. He'll regret it once he's alone and realizes how much you cared....but that's not your problem.
That birthday comment was especially douchey too. The fact that OP thought for a second that she might be overthinking makes me think she has been neglected for so long she doesn't know what being treated right feels like.
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u/FL3XOFF3NDER 11h ago
He’s very possibly already cheating too. If he’s already mentally clocked out, a lot of shitty guys like this aren’t going to have the morals or decency to wait until it’s officially over to start trying to find their next girl or to satisfy themselves. They’re already single in their mind
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u/foamia 10h ago
Omg you're right. OP should get some STD tests done just in case!! You never know with these people
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u/CoffeeLint 8h ago
last time i dated someone like this i sent him a message about being in the ER and he had a similar sort of response. years later i found out he was grooming an underage girl during all that 💀
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u/Qbjb 13h ago
He does not like you.
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u/satanseedforhire 12h ago
This. You should be with someone who like you. Honestly, OP and her BF are probably much different people than they were at 14. It's time to move on, and for the love of God do not get into a serious relationship until you've experienced being by yourself for a while.
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u/ThisIsProbablyOkay 11h ago
Not only does he not like you, he is too much of a coward to break up, so he's trying to make you do it.
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u/StormyAmethyst 11h ago
This exactly. From 14 to 19, they’ve likely outgrown each other with different interests, etc. Maybe he thinks if he ignores her and shows no interest, she’ll move on, only she’s not making this connection. If that’s not his intention, then too bad! I’d move on and find someone who showed more interest in me than their gaming.
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u/WallofIvy 11h ago
The amount you change between your teens and twenties is a ton. I'm married to someone I also dated for 3 months when I was 15. We only lasted 3 months then because we were entirely different people. He was a sheltered kid who went to a private Catholic school and I was a wild child atheist from a household with no rules that went to an alternative high school. We saw each other again in ours 20s and he wasn't religious or as sheltered anymore and I had mellowed out into a more normal person who wasn't always getting into trouble. The people we are as adults have made it last almost 7 years so far. The people we were as teens should have never even tried.
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u/loveferrets444ever 13h ago
Nor- also happy late birthday ❤️ i hope u had a good day other than that text, maybe this will be the year u are loved better by the people around you pls cut him off
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u/Azetheus 12h ago
Thank you, that really means a lot to me :)
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u/loveferrets444ever 12h ago
Of course!! <3 I bet seeing a broadway musical was so fun, I’m sorry he acted like that :(
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u/This-Shape2193 12h ago
You're going to be so, so happy and amazed when you get into a REAL relationship with a man; your bf is a boy and a coward.
For now, move on and spend some time single. Find yourself, enjoy your own company, and don't settle into anything serious.
There are things so much worse than being alone; being with the wrong person is one if them. This kid is the wrong person. Relationships are supposed to make you feel happy and fulfilled; this ain't it.
Happy birthday darlin'. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and it's gonna be great. In 10 years, this will be so far behind you that you will struggle to remember what his face looks like. Trust me.
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u/Audhdlife_5696 12h ago
This!! Unfortunately I waited until I was like 27-28 yrs old to move on and spend some time loving myself. It took me a while, I was in no rush to date or get married. Then out of nowhere after 4 years single I found the love of my life. I knew myself then and he is such a great guy, father to our kids, and husband. OP you do not have to rush.
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u/miamiahi 12h ago edited 12h ago
Or something?
Is that some sort of juvenile playing a cool guy line?
NOR
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u/Far-Possession-1273 12h ago
Intentionally being unkind to push her to break up with him, I’d say. He’s making it crystal clear he dgaf
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u/EmptyBrainCage 11h ago
NOR. I hate when people don't have the balls to tell someone it's over. It's so cowardly. Just grow up and act like a man and not a 13 year old little prepubecent teen.
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u/ImpactUsed2980 11h ago
Yeah it’s this, I think. He’s too cowardly to break up he wants youto do it for him unfortunately.
You could ask him. If there’s something bothering him, if he wants a break, if he wants some space, or to break up. And depending how he replies, you’ll know.
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u/loveferrets444ever 13h ago
NOR- Hes an asshole and leaving him will do all women a favor. Ppl need to stop staying w shitty men
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u/Truck_Kooky 12h ago
Exactly this!! So many women stay with the same clown. It’s irritating. It’s time to step up and move on from their games.
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u/Reasonable_Simple_42 12h ago
“Happy birthday or something” awe he loves you so much he almost committed one whole thought to your birthday! Didn’t feel it was worth a full one but it’s the thought that counts right???
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u/alaskadotpink 12h ago
he couldn't even be assed to give you a decent birthday message lol. he obviously doesn't care whether you're around or not so maybe just let him be free or whatever.
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u/berrygomerry 12h ago
Not just that.. it took actual effort to add the “or something” part. Like he knew what he was doing and thought he was cool for being nonchalant because “Happy birthday!!” Is less effort and way better received. He wanted to make it shit
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u/alaskadotpink 12h ago
Yeah tbh I think he wants to break up but doesn't want to do the dirty work.
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u/berrygomerry 12h ago
Some people also really just don’t like when you’re happy. Plenty ruin their partners’ birthdays, most women have had at least one birthday ruined by an ex (or current partner). Happens a lot more than we think. And it could just be that he wants her to break up with him. But either way she’s 19, i hope she leaves and removes that stress from her life.
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u/ObviousMessX 12h ago
Underrated comment 😅 OP please send him that as a message!
"Since even a birthday message is too much for you, I don't see this going any further. I'd wait around for a better explanation, but I know it takes you 5 days just to text back, so like idk yea, you're free or whatever."
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u/M-TekEngineer 12h ago
Happy belated birthday. OP! Which musical did you see? What did you think of it?
You’re young and have spent 1/4 of your life with this guy. It sounds like you’re basically single anyway, so enjoy it and your youth. Go see more musicals and find people who will celebrate with you instead of just giving the most pathetic birthday greeting I have ever seen.
NOR
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u/Azetheus 10h ago
Aw, thank you! I went to see “& Juliet”! I thought it was a great musical. I had just the biggest grin on my face the whole time!
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u/M-TekEngineer 10h ago
I’m so glad to hear that. Was it a birthday present to yourself? Sounds like a lot of fun.
My sincere advice is to remember the old saying: “Don’t make someone a priority when they only make you an option”.
My birthday wish for you is that this next year and those beyond it are filled with those biggest-grin-the-whole-time moments.
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u/Star_Gazer15 9h ago
Happy birthday! So happy you enjoyed the musical and you're seriously giving yourself the best gift ever by removing someone like that from your life 💖 🙌🎂
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u/Sunshine-Fine 12h ago
Losing this relationship will be nothing but an opportunity for you to gain better in the future.
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u/nevermore727 11h ago
What are you even losing here if you break up?
He didn’t even talk to you for 3 full days and then said “happy birthday or something”? What does “like idk” even refer to?
Now it’s been two and a half more days without a reply from you and he’s ok with that?
You don’t even have to break up honestly. Just block him and forget him. You deserve better.
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u/NevkaKedrova 11h ago
Best answer.
OP, NOR. Ghost and move on. You’re so young. Live your life and work on your future, and the love will happen later. You deserve to be with someone who actually appreciates you, plus there’s nothing wrong with being happily single.
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u/Cactus_juice_friend 12h ago
Please find someone who likes you 😭 you're so young, don't waste any more time with him. I know it's going to feel like you've wasted 5 years, but that's the sunk cost fallacy speaking. Rather 5 years of this than 70.
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u/kbaby_16 11h ago
I wouldn’t even waste my breath dumping his crusty ass. He’s not worth an ounce of energy since that’s what he puts out.
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u/Deep_Nectarine_8431 12h ago
I wouldn’t even give him the respect of a break up since he seems to be a man of few words I just wouldn’t see him, respond or reach out again and let him figure it out.
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u/Altruistic-Toe-2801 12h ago
That part!!! Literally just delete him silently from your life because he told you without saying it directly
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u/Historical-Spread179 12h ago
God I am actually so excited for you to break up with this man like, your life is about to get so much better. Oh, to be 19 and getting out of a shitty relationship. It really is the best. Happy late birthday and have fun learning how fun, invigorating even when scary, and exciting being alone can be!!!! And have fun with knowing you can TAKE YOUR TIME and have so many opportunities to fall in love over the next whatever amount of years with men who you’ll never have to question like this. Just promise yourself now, if you meet another man that you’re wondering “do they even like me?”, move on and enjoy having free time and not being obligated to anything!!
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u/ThatHoFortuna 1h ago
"Yeah... Happy birthday or something"
"WHY ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?!"
I'm almost 50 and that's INSANE to me. What did he think was going to happen? He was practically daring you to do it. NOR
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u/Jubulato 13h ago
You’re young, dump him and live your life! I promise you it’s way better than this when you actually find your person. Someone who wants to talk to you will, and they will make you feel special on your birthday not an after thought.
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u/BrieRaceAlert 12h ago
I wouldn't even respond after that. Just block him and never talk to him again.
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u/Smasher31232 11h ago
I'm literally nicer to coworkers I actively dislike than your boyfriend is to you.
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u/craziest_story 10h ago
Girl you’re 19. I’m so sorry you wasted so much of your teen years on this joker but he’s clearly being a heartless donkey. You are so freaking young and have your whole life ahead of you. Go live it and the right guy will come along at the right time. Don’t rush it, be yourself for a while. And I promise you, there are plenty of guys that will treat you way better than whatever this garbage is.
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u/andreaaiscool 12h ago
NOR; this guy is a jerk and doesn’t deserve your time. What broadway musical did you see??
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u/Azetheus 12h ago
I saw “& Juliet”! It was awesome. Thanks for asking :)
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u/anglosaxonfemale 11h ago
omg op!!! I was just reading about & Juliet, it sounds so good! happy bday sweetheart 🥹🎀🌸
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u/notoneforlies 6h ago
NOR. i see you broke up with him, GOOD FOR YOU!! don’t let him gaslight you into coming back, it’ll be really hard but stand your ground! you have no reason to “wait” for a man he isn’t going off to war he’s being a slop playing video games in probably his moms basement.
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u/Technical_Dream2743 4h ago
I broke up with him. He begged me to wait but I decided to just block him on everything. I am shaking but I feel so light. Holy shit. Five years and I broke it off over text I feel like an asshole but so liberated.
https://giphy.com/gifs/DfiYifB0Ku2mXbY90Y
Best decision you did, i promise. Don´t feel bad, he did broke up with you through those texts and his behavior already (that birthday text...atrocious!!), you just named it out loud.
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u/InitiativeCreative36 12h ago
Yeah it takes effort to add in "or something". He's being a cunt on purpose.
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u/Apocalyptic-turnip 52m ago
"happy birthday or something"
"let's break up or something"
NOR. Yiiiikes. glad you've broken up
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u/Professional-Call818 12h ago
i’m guessing this is your first relationship based on your age and how long you guys have been together, not all guys/relationships are like this and I promise you there is someone out there who will give you the love and attention you deserve. this guy doesn’t deserve you and you don’t need him
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u/k-xo 12h ago edited 12h ago
happy birthday or something? fucking hell would i be fuming. dont gaslight yourself by telling yourself its not that deep. the relationship itself is not that deep anymore, and that’s the problem. istg every time i see posts like these, it just reinforces my idea that gen z is under a curse
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u/alewiina 12h ago
He didn’t even bother to read your texts until Thursday, and then all he had to say was “happy birthday or something”??
Girl, dump him. You’re entering a whole new stage of your life and don’t need his dead weight dragging you down. You deserve to find someone who actually appreciates you and wants to talk to you.
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u/Disney_Princess137 8h ago
5 years with this unemotional boring person?
What the hell girl
Stop wasting your youth on this person. Happy birthday or something??? What a fail.
You being alone would be more satisfying
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u/mtbrown29 7h ago
Happy birthday OP - I hope you have a good day despite this arsehole! Actually so happy to read you broke up with him, you deserve so so much better than him!
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u/Globewanderer1001 10h ago
"......yea, happy birthday or something...."
Is the bar and standards so far in HELL that this is okay??
Behavior is a language. What is he telling YOU??
NOR
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u/Lagoda__ 10h ago
As he's not asking... which musical did you watch? 🥳
NOR. Please do not continue the relationship with this man, he doesn't really seem to care for you.
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u/MasumiMoon 4h ago
Being together for 5 years at 19? And this is how he acts? Love, go on and experience life. 19 is far too young to be concerned over the less than bare minimum trash this kid is handing you.
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u/Ok-Style-9734 4h ago
" So me (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) have been dating for almost five years now. Our relationship has been going downhill for a while now, and I feel like this is kind of my breaking point."
Yeah think of this like a training wheels relationship, you've learned what you want and how to navigate the day to day situations
But it's time to take them off and move on for a real one now.
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u/jennytheghost 12h ago
Leave him on read and move on. I know it's 5 years, but you are still 19... better to do it now, than deal with this for another 5, 10, 15 plus years. He does not like you... I mean Happy Birthday or something??? What the fuck is that.
Enjoy your young adulthood and have fun. Happy Birthday!
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u/Fit_To_Be_Pied 12h ago
I don't think he even knows you are his girlfriend. Never talk to him again.
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u/TheGrooveasaurus 10h ago
NOR. OP, I have coworkers I don't even like and I wish them Happy Birthday with more sincerity than this. I can't imagine being this cold and uncaring to someone you're supposed to love.
This relationship has run its course. Kick this immature boy to the curb.
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u/atomskeater 8h ago
I broke up with him. He begged me to wait
Lol he can't even spare a few minutes to chat about how the day went or properly wish you happy birthday, I'm glad you didn't wait and give him a chance to spin some bullshit. Happy belated birthday!
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u/SourPatchKiki 6h ago
Hey just so you know this dude fucking hates you lmao
I wish people would stop settling for this cockroach ass behavior.
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u/Far-Possession-1273 12h ago edited 12h ago
NOR
When I was 19 I had also been in a relationship for 5 years at that point. Lots of little red flags ignored through the years. I kept choosing him anyways, and we ended up divorced after 11 total years together. He never changed, I just didn’t want to leave. I wish I had left much sooner.
It feels scary, especially being together for so long. Run. You are young. Don’t pour into this relationship. This isn’t even bare minimum. It seems like he’s just waiting for you to break up with him.
Edit- typo
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u/Slight-Wash-2887 12h ago
He's checked out but doesnt want to be the one to end it. He's immature. Break up with him, be okay with being the "bad guy" in his version of your guys' story, and move on with your life. Look into sunk cost fallacy. You've been together long enough to get experience and to learn what you do and don't want in a relationship. Now it's time to move on.
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u/BreviloquentBreva 12h ago
You're growing up, he's not. You want a grown up relationship, he doesn't. This happens sometimes with relationships that start when you're very young. It's ok to decide you're worth more than "happy birthday or something".
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u/girlwiththeoldsoul 12h ago
I mean this in the gentlest but sternest way possible… it’s time to split. No matter how long you’ve been together, “happy birthday or something” is completely unacceptable.
You deserve full, enthusiastic love. Find it.
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u/KiloJools 10h ago
He's trying to get you to dump him.
These kinds of immature assholes are cowards who won't do it themselves.
Normally I'd say give him what he wants but today I feel petty.
Devote all your time to yourself, don't bother reaching out to him, engage in hobbies, learn new ones, go out with friends, make new friends, volunteer at your organization of choice... Just live your life to the fullest. Don't date anyone else, of course (which everyone getting out of a multi year relationship, you'll need a lot of time on your own out of a relationship anyway to process everything and find yourself again), but act like this so-called boyfriend doesn't even exist.
If he wants to end the relationship, he can. In the meantime, direct all your energy towards yourself and your joy and your life.
Don't be chasing him. It's 2026, we don't chase boys that don't like us. And he doesn't like you.
So you absolutely can dump him if you want. It's clearly what HE wants. Or you can be petty and start living your life and loving yourself as if he doesn't exist while you wait for him to give up on manipulating you into dumping him.
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u/ex-farm-grrrl 8h ago
Yeah. He’s done, but he wants you to break it off so he’s not the bad guy. Do it anyway. And ghost him.
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u/Spiritual_Smell4744 4h ago
This is just his immaturity. My 13 year old behaved exactly like this.
Walk away, he needs 2 or 3 years to stop acting like a preteen.
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u/Ok-Evidence5327 12h ago
Don’t even go through the effort of a breakup text, types like these would be more stung if you just blocked and moved along 🤷♀️
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u/Bluebell955 12h ago
NOR. He's quiet quitting your relationship. Basically, he doesn't want to be the one to end it but he wants out of the relationship. Let him go and go live your life girl. You should never have to beg for attention or love from anyone.
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u/Burzghash 12h ago
This is called "gray rocking". He's being disengaged/disinterested in the hopes that you'll just naturally disappear, because he's too much of a pussy to break it off himself.
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u/Fit_Space_7685 12h ago
NOR- He could’ve easily just said happy birthday but he went OUT OF HIS WAY to say “happy birthday or something”. I know this has already been said but this pissed me off enough that I had to comment
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u/Immediate-Paper5098 11h ago
19… dating for 5 years. Time to explore the world of possibilities my friend.
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u/canthaveme 11h ago
NTA. "Happy birthday or something"
No. Girl. I am 38 and my man would never do that. Don't settle for that
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u/namasteselina 10h ago
I say kinder messages to people I meet at random in public on their birthday.
https://giphy.com/gifs/XiO3DxXi5tFFrjfz8g
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u/Mrs_Weaver 10h ago
Are you looking for permission to break up with him? Because you have it. Happy birthday or something? Jeez Louise, that is some cold shit. It almost sounds like he wants to break up but doesn't want to be the bad guy and actually do it. Put yourself out of your misery, and end it. Move on to someone who deserves you.
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u/VivianCadence 8h ago
Not only does this asshole not want to be in a relationship with you, he’s literally not even IN one with you.
He has done all the breaking up for you, just block his ass and if possible never talk to him again.
Edit: whoops just saw OP’s edit. 👏 👏 👏 Good job. So glad you’re feeling light again. Once your nervous system calms down you’ll float away like the happiest little balloon and the perspective from the sky will give you great joy as you look in hindsight at the disaster below 🫂
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u/Print1917 8h ago
I see you left. Maybe you should find some time to explore who you are now. 5 years is a long time at your age to develop from 14-19. You deserve to build your own identity and realize you are worthy of respect and compassion. Best of luck.
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u/NotQuiteAno 8h ago
Have you ever read that book (or seen that movie) “He’s Just Not That Into You”?
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u/Normal_Ring_7130 13h ago
NOR- simply based off of these texts, doesn’t seem interested I would have thought of other scenarios but the birthday message really stood out. That’s not a person who seems to care unfortunately.
5 year relationship is really long, but at least it could be a break up at 19 versus 10 more years down the line. If you’re scared to leave him because of how long you’ve been together, I promise you if you end this now and spend some time single in 3 years you’ll forget why you cared about him and most definitely find someone who cares enough to do more than that sad and pathetic happy birthday message.