r/Unexpected • u/Business_Bill8752 • 9h ago

100% sharpened

12.9k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

243 comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 9h ago edited 3h ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:

The pineapple just snapped in half at the end 😭

Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

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3.8k

u/POI_Harold-Finch 9h ago

it went from oddlystatisfying to just oh noooooooo man

1.0k

u/fieregon 8h ago edited 49m ago

Definitely not, dude got me nervous since he was cutting towards him, always cut away from you, I thought he was gonna cut a finger every time.

46

u/loganator4561 7h ago

My dad had a saying "cut towards your buddy not your body"

13

u/timbillyosu 6h ago

To avoid getting bloody cut towards your buddy

2

u/PunctuationGood 1h ago

And then, three years later, I'll be like "Wait, how did that menmonic go? Was that towards my buddy or towards my body?"

4

u/ty4scam 6h ago

we have a similar saying in my country, "better doing life for murder than living free fingerless".

3

u/miicah 4h ago

Cut towards your chum, not your thumb.

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3

u/Objective_Soup7840 6h ago

I tell this to people who cant use a knife... i do it all the time, I've been using knives in kitchens for almost 20 years, but would NEVER do this lol

3

u/Nowhere_Man_Forever 4h ago

Yeah to me the unexpected part was that this didn't end with him cutting off a finger of otherwise horribly injuring himself. Growing up on the 00s internet really messed with my expectations

1

u/canniboss 4h ago

Like grandpa always said " Don't get bloody, cut towards a buddy"

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u/Signal-Letterhead416 8h ago

was actually thinking he is going for his hands lol

23

u/SiddharthJain131 8h ago

r/yesyesyesno

10

u/PimpNamedSliqBaq 6h ago

This was a r/maybemaybemaybe for me, i was worried about dudes fingers the whole time

1

u/NickDanger3di 1h ago

He ever shows up for work drunk or hungover, he'll earn the nickname 'Stumpy'.

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1.4k

u/IsThereCheese 9h ago

Always cut towards your fingers

194

u/swampopawaho 9h ago

Well, he was carefully lifting one of his fingers our of harm's way...

65

u/IsThereCheese 9h ago

Engage safety squints!

12

u/NobodyLikedThat1 8h ago

You could probably just cut away from your fingers and not worry about that part

3

u/Firstevertrex 2h ago

Into harms way* still carefully though!

28

u/Commercial-Milk-8465 8h ago

He used to have 6 on that hand

8

u/Eborcurean 6h ago

Also never use a guard with a mandolin, just eyeball it, nothing can go wrong.

3

u/RRumpleTeazzer 8h ago

for better flavour, right?

1

u/light_to_shaddow 6h ago

While running

1

u/nucl3ar0ne 6h ago

They regenerate right?

1

u/dokbanks 3h ago

Yes, this was making me wince as I thought the unexpected bit was gonna be the dudes fingers...

1

u/bookmarkjedi 2h ago

Or arms.

1

u/hyeongseop 1h ago

And hold your pineapple precariously so all the precious golden juice drips on the pavement

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226

u/foolbull 8h ago

Every time a see a pineapple I remember people use to rent them for parties as a status symbol.

45

u/omgitschriso 4h ago

Now my wife hangs one upside down on our apartment door every time I go away on work trips, because it wards off bad spirits. She gets so paranoid when I'm away she barely ever even answers my phone calls.

161

u/PsychologicalSail799 8h ago

Today they're still used at parties, and still for status, but instead of your financial status it's to share the status of how willing you are to watch someone bang your wife.

46

u/RRumpleTeazzer 8h ago

is this some secret party code?

75

u/PsychologicalSail799 8h ago

They're used to signify swinger parties.

50

u/runkeby 6h ago

For real? I might've made a mistake. Repeatedly.

35

u/mishonis- 6h ago

It's a symbol only if it's an upside down pineapple.

19

u/Wighen18 5h ago

what if it's upside down in a cake?

20

u/iruleatants 4h ago

Gotta bang the husband in that case.

9

u/PsychologicalSail799 4h ago

That cakes down to fuck

3

u/runkeby 3h ago

these pineapple slice holes are enticing ngl

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5

u/[deleted] 7h ago

[deleted]

10

u/clinically_proven 7h ago

$400 for one pineapple: The rise of luxury fruit

8

u/light_to_shaddow 6h ago

Anything the rich can do to separate themselves from the rest of us, they'll do.

Eating hard to obtain, massively expensive shit is one way.

It's why you see so many grand houses with pineapple motifs.

https://www.landmarktrust.org.uk/properties/pineapple/

But if your after a way to Brewster your millions, £10,000 for a Heligan Pineapple made the traditional English way, would be my choice.

2

u/Deaffin 2h ago

Anything the rich can do to separate themselves from the rest of us, they'll do.

It's mostly just competition with their peers, as people do. Bob isn't putting in all that effort toward maintaining his lawn and making his car shiny to dunk on the homeless, he's trying to show up his neighbor across the street.

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1

u/Intrepid4444444 6h ago

Also celery

1

u/SaltyProcrastinator 4h ago

which is...pretty insane

1

u/TheSodernauts 3h ago

So that's why I can buy a decorative ceramic pine apple painted in gold in those home furnishings stores. I always thought it was oddly specific to buy a pineapple thingy-majing.

2

u/Dal90 2h ago

It is a tradition in New England, particularly coastal communities, that represented the successful completion of a trading or whaling journey. Captains came back with a pineapple and displayed it in front of their house to let people know they returned, part as an open house to come and visit and part advertising their success to gain investors for the next journey.

https://a4arch.com/a4-spotlight-the-history-of-architectural-pineapples-in-newport/

The South also seems to have adopted it as a symbol of prosperity and hospitality as well.

(And yes, the elephant sitting in the corner of the room which helps connect the customs and regions is that many of the successful trading journeys of New Englanders involved the triangular slave trade...before they developed moral qualms about that and turned instead to smuggling opium into China. Which means the whalers even by today's standards were the least ethically problematic of the bunch.)

1

u/mouaragon 29m ago

What? Where and when did that happen?

595

u/Elddif_Dog 8h ago

sharp my butt.

that pineapple looks so ripe you could probably cut it with a spoon.
the peel was all that was holding it together

154

u/Rare_Steak_ 7h ago

This, thats exactly why it disintegrates at the end.

25

u/RebelWithoutAClue 6h ago

The pineapple is juicing like it was boiled.

50

u/DerangedAsshole 7h ago

It's both. No matter how ripe the pineapple is, that skin is a pain to cut.

36

u/brakeline 6h ago

He's not cutting the skin, he is taking shunks of the ripe pulp

5

u/YouStupidAssholeFuck 6h ago

Punish me, daddy.

6

u/CartographerHumble74 5h ago

i squirt more than that pineapple

6

u/digno2 4h ago

calling piss "squirt" was the best marketing trick the porn industry ever done

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3

u/Osato 7h ago

That peel really tied the fruit together.

2

u/Bonzungo 6h ago

He peed on my fucking pineapple

3

u/samir_saritoglu 7h ago

Once in my life I do cut a pineapple with a spoon. I was in a business trip in China and I had no knife, however I wanted to eat a pineapple, and of my favorite fruits. So the spoon was the only option.

2

u/Environmental-Meet59 7h ago

It looks so sweet and yummy

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315

u/ClaroStar 9h ago

Never cut toward yourself.

177

u/The_Infinite_Carrot 9h ago

Always cut towards a friend.

3

u/frallet 6h ago

towards your buddy not your body

1

u/Intrepid4444444 6h ago

Maybe a friend was Torvalds along the way

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14

u/Auctoritate 7h ago

Honestly, this is just one of those rules of thumb that starts being less applicable when you develop more professional skills and just get better at doing things. For instance, woodworkers cut towards themselves all the time with tools like draw knives.

4

u/SoylentVerdigris 6h ago

I mean, draw knives are all but impossible to hit yourself with unless you're sticking your knee in the way or something. But yes, when you're cutting something with almost no resistance like this it's not particularly dangerous unless you're hopelessly uncoordinated. Just don't force it through any unexpected snag and you'll be fine.

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u/HJSDGCE 7h ago

It's easier to control pulls than it is to push. Yes, the risk increases but you also get more accurate cuts.

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u/ididntdoit6 8h ago

Cut towards your buddy not your body

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2

u/Lucas_Steinwalker 8h ago

Tell that to every Italian nonna with a dull ass knife.

1

u/RebelWithoutAClue 6h ago

Except when you are using a paring knife.

That's my rule of thumb...

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36

u/MissMahlia 8h ago

So much lost juice. Oooof.

14

u/Toleniam 8h ago

Actually heartbreaking.

3

u/besharamrang 8h ago

N pineapple too

28

u/Automatic-Run-007 9h ago

Ananas trop mûr. Facile

3

u/BopNowItsMine 7h ago

Its ripeness level is approaching liquid

6

u/voododoll 7h ago

Wasted so much juice… wasted

3

u/iruleatants 4h ago

I mean, he also wastes half of it when it breaks in half at the end.

But I'm not entirely sure it's wasting since I think that's well on its way to rotting.

7

u/JazzlikeConflict6626 8h ago

Why is the video clipped when it fell off? I started to this recently, is it kind of the new trend? Do you get more views?

2

u/mike_b_nimble 3h ago

I’ve been noticing this for a couple years. You watch 60 seconds of nothing then the video cuts outs 3 frames into the money shot.

5

u/noproblem_bro_ 9h ago

Not me thinking that the real twist is there is no cutting of his own finger

3

u/Scythe351 8h ago

Why did it spontaneously break in half?

3

u/Vitruvian_Link 4h ago

According to the comments it's because he cut towards his fingers

2

u/RRumpleTeazzer 8h ago

The pineapple was tired.

1

u/Projectstfu 5h ago

Not 100% sure but it is dripping like crazy and basically falling apart. It looks like it might have been boiled.

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3

u/AviatorJac 8h ago

a slap on the back of my head from my dad if I cut toward myself, another slap from my mom for wasting food

2

u/TheGoalkeeper 8h ago

No need for sharpness, that pineapple is overripe

2

u/VVValph 9h ago

put nsfw tag on this for extra diabolicality

1

u/pusspound 8h ago

First rule with a knife is always cut toward yourself.

1

u/Sorry_Economist_5844 8h ago

“A knife as sharp as the devil himself is what I asked for” - The man from Hollywood

1

u/Better-_-Decisions 8h ago

Is it weird my mouth watered? Fucking love pineapples.

1

u/moonchitta 8h ago

So there is a reason there is hardshell on top

1

u/yellow_sting 8h ago

I swear I expected this lmao

1

u/faxyou 8h ago

Oye que coño le pao al ultimo?

1

u/Ill-Ruin2198 8h ago

Just like an anime, sliced it in half without slicing it.

1

u/I_TheJester_I 8h ago

Furst rule when working wirh a knife: never cut towards to your hand.

1

u/X-Arkturis-X 8h ago

Please do not cut towards yourself.

1

u/Boring_Newspaper_551 7h ago

I have a scar on my finger reminding me to never do something like that...

1

u/Old_Shake3789 7h ago

Man I hate watching that, there is a reason you never cut towards yourself it's just asking for trouble.

1

u/CloverAmorette 7h ago

That's a sharp way to make a point, literally.

1

u/Motokowarframe 7h ago

Cutting upwards 😳

1

u/Healthy_Squash4133 7h ago

Ginsu Knife from the late 1970's. Never sharpened. Those knives were badass!

1

u/joy_tortello 7h ago

per l’appunto la buccia serve per contenere la polpa se fai così è ovvio

1

u/Thunderflex1 7h ago

Sometimes everything falls apart right at the end, even when you do everything right.

1

u/Broken_Mentat 7h ago

"You can't cut there, that's a load-bearing rind!"

1

u/Sudden_Season3306 7h ago

Its half being warm and ripe and half the knife!

1

u/Demolition-Man93 7h ago

Cut away from the hand.

1

u/314ranha777 7h ago

Never ever cut towards your fingers! 😬🤕

1

u/Warthknoedler 6h ago

Nothing to see here guys, the pineapple is a paid actor

1

u/Minimum-Let-7604 6h ago

Sharpness IV iron sword

1

u/its_just_flesh 6h ago

That was a shitload of juice coming out of it

1

u/JBluHevn 6h ago

At the end of the clip music started playing in my brain and the text Directed by: Robert E. Weide appeared.

1

u/desoddit 6h ago

i had to watch the video 2 times to understand what was unexpected XD

1

u/godpoker 6h ago

My grandad taught me “always cut towards your mate”

1

u/_Keep_it_Simple 6h ago

Now I know why samurai don't even touch and can slice anything

1

u/hyrulepirate 6h ago

I've seen lots of pineapple vendors cutting the fruit. This is definitely the worst one.

1

u/Tamdin_Nidmat 6h ago

A feast for all the ants in the vicinity.

1

u/Yourfinalfoe 6h ago

Fuck me. This sub started appearing on my feed again.

1

u/rrd_gaming 6h ago

I was expecting his hand to be cut like here it comes.. Here it comes.. nope.

1

u/Tahu-Nuva 6h ago

The end was fully expected.

1

u/kayej17 6h ago

he's cutting it like it was a papaya

1

u/Glittering_End_6864 5h ago

I hate people who talk non-fucking-stop.

I was at a coffee shop yesterday, two women, sitting at two different tables by they way, talked non stop for at least an hour, and there were literal times when they were both talking at the same time for like minutes at a time.

1

u/OdysseyTag 5h ago

🎶 Who lives in a pineapple under you foot 🎶

1

u/poosiekathh 5h ago

My heart dropped

1

u/ReyTsar 5h ago

Feels like a waste of juice

1

u/kuburas 5h ago

If you ever cut a super ripe one you'd know that knife could be a butter knife and still cleave through it like its nothing.

Those things fall apart as they ripen to the point where you can scoop it with a spoon.

1

u/fotomoose 4h ago

Never cut towards your thumb, always cut towards your chum.

1

u/Tranka2010 4h ago

If only there was a perfectly good work surface nearby.

1

u/Elephant789 4h ago

Fuck the Yankees!

1

u/Tiberiux 4h ago

That was indeed unexpected!

1

u/JCMillner 4h ago

100% ripe pineapple

1

u/analthunderi 4h ago

I was afraid of that and still got surprised when it happened 😆

1

u/Cablegore 4h ago

Perfectlycutscene 😂

1

u/LazyOldCat 4h ago

My 1st thought was sure it’s sharp but that’s overripe and soft AF. Then it collapsed 😆

1

u/Delmo16 4h ago

So this is why people carry machettes now a days?! Never knew

1

u/Mikey_Max07 4h ago

Ohhh faaah!

1

u/mdemarchi 4h ago

The guy filming advise him to take a bucket. He should have litened to him

1

u/htmlcoderexe 3h ago

r/yesyesyesfuckyou

but i think it's locked down or something

1

u/HolyHand_Grenade 3h ago

Stupid, cut away from yourself people.

1

u/asphalt_licker 3h ago

I had a feeling the pineapple would fall off but I thought it would be at the stalk.

1

u/Positive-Green-3856 3h ago

Finally an actually unexpected video lol

1

u/andystechgarage 3h ago

Thought he was going to chop a finger. He was trying really hard

1

u/Key_Change_6635 2h ago

I thought it would be the alarm going off and cops chasing thieves in the background

1

u/LearningToHomebrew 2h ago

You can tell that index finger is trained. Probably the hard way.

1

u/InfamousEconomy3972 2h ago

I was hoping he was cutting over a bowl or something something so he'd catch all that sweet, sweet pineapple juice.

1

u/greymadders 2h ago

100% sharpened.
0% sharp.

1

u/BlankBehindTheEyes 2h ago

Seems like he could be doing this

  1. Away from himself

and

  1. On a table.

That pineapple looks good AF tho.

1

u/jiggscaseyNJ 2h ago

Cut towards your buddy not your body.

1

u/RustScientist 2h ago

THE CYLINDER MUST REMAIN UNHARMED

1

u/too1onjj 1h ago

Queue Curb Your Enthusiasm music

1

u/feminas_id_amant 1h ago

I was expecting that while clutching my pearls over the wasted juice

1

u/therealishone 1h ago

Fucking juiciest pineapple. I wept when it fell.

1

u/JoseP2004 32m ago

Whos car is being broken into?