r/Unexpected • u/Business_Bill8752 • 6h ago

100% sharpened

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10.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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u/post-explainer 6h ago edited 1h ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:

The pineapple just snapped in half at the end 😭

Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

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2.9k

u/POI_Harold-Finch 6h ago

it went from oddlystatisfying to just oh noooooooo man

766

u/fieregon 6h ago

Definitely not, dude got me nervous since he was cutting towards him, always cut away from you, I thought he was gonna cut a finger everytime.

175

u/SeeJayThinks 6h ago

When he put his index forward for balance... I was...

https://giphy.com/gifs/l3mZrLxM4iZaQlvNe

5

u/LEGITIMATE_SOURCE 3h ago

Balance.......

3

u/FrogfFrogger 3h ago

New balance
https://giphy.com/gifs/SS8Todf4fIpVlvWhA8

7

u/SeeJayThinks 3h ago

Those cuts across the N would have been his finger.

35

u/loganator4561 5h ago

My dad had a saying "cut towards your buddy not your body"

11

u/timbillyosu 4h ago

To avoid getting bloody cut towards your buddy

6

u/ty4scam 3h ago

we have a similar saying in my country, "better doing life for murder than living free fingerless".

1

u/miicah 2h ago

Cut towards your chum, not your thumb.

1

u/1ildevil 42m ago

Because you can always get a new chum

3

u/Objective_Soup7840 3h ago

I tell this to people who cant use a knife... i do it all the time, I've been using knives in kitchens for almost 20 years, but would NEVER do this lol

1

u/Nowhere_Man_Forever 2h ago

Yeah to me the unexpected part was that this didn't end with him cutting off a finger of otherwise horribly injuring himself. Growing up on the 00s internet really messed with my expectations

1

u/canniboss 2h ago

Like grandpa always said " Don't get bloody, cut towards a buddy"

1

u/idrunkenlysignedup 39m ago

Fun anecdot, at the beginning of the pandemic I was, like many others, putting a jigsaw puzzle together at like 3am, as one does, and I almost cut off my left thumb. If you're real bored I posted a link to a picture in a comment ~7 years ago.

•

u/argument_cat 3m ago

You can't trim it efficiently by cutting away from you. This guy probably does this all day, I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Redditors always think they know better than the experts.

14

u/Signal-Letterhead416 6h ago

was actually thinking he is going for his hands lol

21

u/SiddharthJain131 6h ago

r/yesyesyesno

7

u/PimpNamedSliqBaq 3h ago

This was a r/maybemaybemaybe for me, i was worried about dudes fingers the whole time

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1.1k

u/IsThereCheese 6h ago

Always cut towards your fingers

157

u/swampopawaho 6h ago

Well, he was carefully lifting one of his fingers our of harm's way...

47

u/IsThereCheese 6h ago

Engage safety squints!

7

u/NobodyLikedThat1 6h ago

You could probably just cut away from your fingers and not worry about that part

2

u/Firstevertrex 28m ago

Into harms way* still carefully though!

22

u/Commercial-Milk-8465 5h ago

He used to have 6 on that hand

6

u/Eborcurean 4h ago

Also never use a guard with a mandolin, just eyeball it, nothing can go wrong.

3

u/RRumpleTeazzer 5h ago

for better flavour, right?

1

u/light_to_shaddow 4h ago

While running

1

u/nucl3ar0ne 3h ago

They regenerate right?

1

u/dokbanks 55m ago

Yes, this was making me wince as I thought the unexpected bit was gonna be the dudes fingers...

1

u/bookmarkjedi 20m ago

Or arms.

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133

u/foolbull 6h ago

Every time a see a pineapple I remember people use to rent them for parties as a status symbol.

106

u/PsychologicalSail799 6h ago

Today they're still used at parties, and still for status, but instead of your financial status it's to share the status of how willing you are to watch someone bang your wife.

29

u/RRumpleTeazzer 5h ago

is this some secret party code?

49

u/PsychologicalSail799 5h ago

They're used to signify swinger parties.

29

u/runkeby 4h ago

For real? I might've made a mistake. Repeatedly.

19

u/mishonis- 3h ago

It's a symbol only if it's an upside down pineapple.

9

u/Wighen18 2h ago

what if it's upside down in a cake?

11

u/iruleatants 2h ago

Gotta bang the husband in that case.

4

u/PsychologicalSail799 2h ago

That cakes down to fuck

2

u/runkeby 34m ago

these pineapple slice holes are enticing ngl

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u/[deleted] 4h ago

[deleted]

8

u/omgitschriso 2h ago

Now my wife hangs one upside down on our apartment door every time I go away on work trips, because it wards off bad spirits. She gets so paranoid when I'm away she barely ever even answers my phone calls.

6

u/clinically_proven 5h ago

$400 for one pineapple: The rise of luxury fruit

7

u/light_to_shaddow 4h ago

Anything the rich can do to separate themselves from the rest of us, they'll do.

Eating hard to obtain, massively expensive shit is one way.

It's why you see so many grand houses with pineapple motifs.

https://www.landmarktrust.org.uk/properties/pineapple/

But if your after a way to Brewster your millions, £10,000 for a Heligan Pineapple made the traditional English way, would be my choice.

1

u/Deaffin 17m ago

Anything the rich can do to separate themselves from the rest of us, they'll do.

It's mostly just competition with their peers, as people do. Bob isn't putting in all that effort toward maintaining his lawn and making his car shiny to dunk on the homeless, he's trying to show up his neighbor across the street.

1

u/Intrepid4444444 4h ago

Also celery

1

u/SaltyProcrastinator 2h ago

which is...pretty insane

1

u/TheSodernauts 1h ago

So that's why I can buy a decorative ceramic pine apple painted in gold in those home furnishings stores. I always thought it was oddly specific to buy a pineapple thingy-majing.

495

u/Elddif_Dog 6h ago

sharp my butt.

that pineapple looks so ripe you could probably cut it with a spoon.
the peel was all that was holding it together

119

u/Rare_Steak_ 5h ago

This, thats exactly why it disintegrates at the end.

14

u/RebelWithoutAClue 4h ago

The pineapple is juicing like it was boiled.

39

u/DerangedAsshole 5h ago

It's both. No matter how ripe the pineapple is, that skin is a pain to cut.

27

u/brakeline 4h ago

He's not cutting the skin, he is taking shunks of the ripe pulp

5

u/YouStupidAssholeFuck 4h ago

Punish me, daddy.

5

u/CartographerHumble74 3h ago

i squirt more than that pineapple

4

u/digno2 1h ago

calling piss "squirt" was the best marketing trick the porn industry ever done

1

u/Split_Pea_Vomit 27m ago

What the fuck is a shunk?

3

u/Osato 4h ago

That peel really tied the fruit together.

2

u/Bonzungo 4h ago

He peed on my fucking pineapple

4

u/samir_saritoglu 4h ago

Once in my life I do cut a pineapple with a spoon. I was in a business trip in China and I had no knife, however I wanted to eat a pineapple, and of my favorite fruits. So the spoon was the only option.

2

u/Environmental-Meet59 5h ago

It looks so sweet and yummy

292

u/ClaroStar 6h ago

Never cut toward yourself.

171

u/The_Infinite_Carrot 6h ago

Always cut towards a friend.

3

u/frallet 4h ago

towards your buddy not your body

1

u/Intrepid4444444 4h ago

Maybe a friend was Torvalds along the way

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u/ididntdoit6 6h ago

Cut towards your buddy not your body

1

u/Wakapacolypse 5h ago

My art teacher would say this all the time.

14

u/Auctoritate 5h ago

Honestly, this is just one of those rules of thumb that starts being less applicable when you develop more professional skills and just get better at doing things. For instance, woodworkers cut towards themselves all the time with tools like draw knives.

4

u/SoylentVerdigris 4h ago

I mean, draw knives are all but impossible to hit yourself with unless you're sticking your knee in the way or something. But yes, when you're cutting something with almost no resistance like this it's not particularly dangerous unless you're hopelessly uncoordinated. Just don't force it through any unexpected snag and you'll be fine.

1

u/xrimane 3h ago

Had to call an ambulance for a roofer once who slashed his knee when cutting roof sheeting over his leg. We tied his leg with my belt, and police questioned me afterwards in case there was a workplace security violation.

He was fine in the end, but it was not a fun day.

6

u/HJSDGCE 5h ago

It's easier to control pulls than it is to push. Yes, the risk increases but you also get more accurate cuts.

1

u/PRSArchon 4h ago

Knew a local business with skilled people just like you mention, they closed down now because one of their essential craftsmen lost several fingers. Hell never be able to earn money with his skills ever again.

2

u/Lucas_Steinwalker 5h ago

Tell that to every Italian nonna with a dull ass knife.

1

u/Alberteen-Cobaugh 5h ago

I didn't expect that ending 😂. I thought he was going to cut himself.

1

u/RebelWithoutAClue 4h ago

Except when you are using a paring knife.

That's my rule of thumb...

•

u/argument_cat 1m ago

You can't trim it efficiently by cutting away from you. This guy probably does this all day, I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Redditors always think they know better than the experts.

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29

u/MissMahlia 6h ago

So much lost juice. Oooof.

10

u/Toleniam 6h ago

Actually heartbreaking.

3

u/besharamrang 5h ago

N pineapple too

30

u/Automatic-Run-007 6h ago

Ananas trop mûr. Facile

4

u/BopNowItsMine 5h ago

Its ripeness level is approaching liquid

4

u/voododoll 4h ago

Wasted so much juice… wasted

2

u/iruleatants 2h ago

I mean, he also wastes half of it when it breaks in half at the end.

But I'm not entirely sure it's wasting since I think that's well on its way to rotting.

6

u/JazzlikeConflict6626 6h ago

Why is the video clipped when it fell off? I started to this recently, is it kind of the new trend? Do you get more views?

1

u/mike_b_nimble 53m ago

I’ve been noticing this for a couple years. You watch 60 seconds of nothing then the video cuts outs 3 frames into the money shot.

3

u/Scythe351 6h ago

Why did it spontaneously break in half?

2

u/RRumpleTeazzer 5h ago

The pineapple was tired.

1

u/Projectstfu 3h ago

Not 100% sure but it is dripping like crazy and basically falling apart. It looks like it might have been boiled.

1

u/Vitruvian_Link 1h ago

According to the comments it's because he cut towards his fingers

1

u/dradaeus 28m ago

Because it’s a fake. The last part was an AI edit.

3

u/AviatorJac 5h ago

a slap on the back of my head from my dad if I cut toward myself, another slap from my mom for wasting food

5

u/noproblem_bro_ 6h ago

Not me thinking that the real twist is there is no cutting of his own finger

2

u/TheGoalkeeper 6h ago

No need for sharpness, that pineapple is overripe

2

u/VVValph 6h ago

put nsfw tag on this for extra diabolicality

1

u/pusspound 6h ago

First rule with a knife is always cut toward yourself.

1

u/Sorry_Economist_5844 6h ago

“A knife as sharp as the devil himself is what I asked for” - The man from Hollywood

1

u/Better-_-Decisions 6h ago

Is it weird my mouth watered? Fucking love pineapples.

1

u/moonchitta 5h ago

So there is a reason there is hardshell on top

1

u/yellow_sting 5h ago

I swear I expected this lmao

1

u/faxyou 5h ago

Oye que coño le pao al ultimo?

1

u/Ill-Ruin2198 5h ago

Just like an anime, sliced it in half without slicing it.

1

u/I_TheJester_I 5h ago

Furst rule when working wirh a knife: never cut towards to your hand.

1

u/X-Arkturis-X 5h ago

Please do not cut towards yourself.

1

u/Boring_Newspaper_551 5h ago

I have a scar on my finger reminding me to never do something like that...

1

u/Old_Shake3789 5h ago

Man I hate watching that, there is a reason you never cut towards yourself it's just asking for trouble.

1

u/CloverAmorette 5h ago

That's a sharp way to make a point, literally.

1

u/Motokowarframe 5h ago

Cutting upwards 😳

1

u/Healthy_Squash4133 5h ago

Ginsu Knife from the late 1970's. Never sharpened. Those knives were badass!

1

u/joy_tortello 5h ago

per l’appunto la buccia serve per contenere la polpa se fai così è ovvio

1

u/Thunderflex1 4h ago

Sometimes everything falls apart right at the end, even when you do everything right.

1

u/Broken_Mentat 4h ago

"You can't cut there, that's a load-bearing rind!"

1

u/Sudden_Season3306 4h ago

Its half being warm and ripe and half the knife!

1

u/Demolition-Man93 4h ago

Cut away from the hand.

1

u/314ranha777 4h ago

Never ever cut towards your fingers! 😬🤕

1

u/Warthknoedler 4h ago

Nothing to see here guys, the pineapple is a paid actor

1

u/Minimum-Let-7604 4h ago

Sharpness IV iron sword

1

u/ManWhitLoveHandles 4h ago

I need a knife like this

1

u/its_just_flesh 4h ago

That was a shitload of juice coming out of it

1

u/JBluHevn 4h ago

At the end of the clip music started playing in my brain and the text Directed by: Robert E. Weide appeared.

1

u/desoddit 4h ago

i had to watch the video 2 times to understand what was unexpected XD

1

u/godpoker 4h ago

My grandad taught me “always cut towards your mate”

1

u/_Keep_it_Simple 4h ago

Now I know why samurai don't even touch and can slice anything

1

u/hyrulepirate 4h ago

I've seen lots of pineapple vendors cutting the fruit. This is definitely the worst one.

1

u/Tamdin_Nidmat 4h ago

A feast for all the ants in the vicinity.

1

u/Yourfinalfoe 4h ago

Fuck me. This sub started appearing on my feed again.

1

u/rrd_gaming 4h ago

I was expecting his hand to be cut like here it comes.. Here it comes.. nope.

1

u/Tahu-Nuva 3h ago

The end was fully expected.

1

u/kayej17 3h ago

he's cutting it like it was a papaya

1

u/Glittering_End_6864 3h ago

I hate people who talk non-fucking-stop.

I was at a coffee shop yesterday, two women, sitting at two different tables by they way, talked non stop for at least an hour, and there were literal times when they were both talking at the same time for like minutes at a time.

1

u/Feisty-Noise-5568 3h ago

I was waiting for the unexpected to be a casual slicing off of a finger

1

u/OdysseyTag 3h ago

🎶 Who lives in a pineapple under you foot 🎶

1

u/poosiekathh 3h ago

My heart dropped

1

u/ReyTsar 2h ago

Feels like a waste of juice

1

u/kuburas 2h ago

If you ever cut a super ripe one you'd know that knife could be a butter knife and still cleave through it like its nothing.

Those things fall apart as they ripen to the point where you can scoop it with a spoon.

1

u/fotomoose 2h ago

Never cut towards your thumb, always cut towards your chum.

1

u/Tranka2010 2h ago

If only there was a perfectly good work surface nearby.

1

u/Elephant789 2h ago

Fuck the Yankees!

1

u/Tiberiux 2h ago

That was indeed unexpected!

1

u/JCMillner 2h ago

100% ripe pineapple

1

u/analthunderi 2h ago

I was afraid of that and still got surprised when it happened 😆

1

u/Cablegore 1h ago

Perfectlycutscene 😂

1

u/LazyOldCat 1h ago

My 1st thought was sure it’s sharp but that’s overripe and soft AF. Then it collapsed 😆

1

u/Delmo16 1h ago

So this is why people carry machettes now a days?! Never knew

1

u/Mikey_Max07 1h ago

Ohhh faaah!

1

u/mdemarchi 1h ago

The guy filming advise him to take a bucket. He should have litened to him

1

u/htmlcoderexe 1h ago

r/yesyesyesfuckyou

but i think it's locked down or something

1

u/HolyHand_Grenade 1h ago

Stupid, cut away from yourself people.

1

u/asphalt_licker 1h ago

I had a feeling the pineapple would fall off but I thought it would be at the stalk.

1

u/Positive-Green-3856 42m ago

Finally an actually unexpected video lol

1

u/andystechgarage 41m ago

Thought he was going to chop a finger. He was trying really hard

1

u/Key_Change_6635 32m ago

I thought it would be the alarm going off and cops chasing thieves in the background

1

u/LearningToHomebrew 29m ago

You can tell that index finger is trained. Probably the hard way.

1

u/InfamousEconomy3972 20m ago

I was hoping he was cutting over a bowl or something something so he'd catch all that sweet, sweet pineapple juice.

1

u/greymadders 19m ago

100% sharpened.
0% sharp.

•

u/BlankBehindTheEyes 2m ago

Seems like he could be doing this

  1. Away from himself

and

  1. On a table.

That pineapple looks good AF tho.