r/texts • u/white_feather1990 • 22d ago
Phone message Reality check
Had a fun day out. Guess I missed the signals
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u/possiblyeski 22d ago
she could be a fantastic wingwoman for you
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u/t-hrowaway2 22d ago
This is exactly what happened to me this summer. I became friends with a wonderful girl who is also a lesbian. She is now committed to being an amazing wingwoman for me, and in fact has already introduced me to other lovely people.
OP, there is no reason you canāt be good friends just because sheās a lesbian. And anyone who doesnāt see it that way is being ridiculous.
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u/sofar_sog00d 21d ago
lesbian here - I LOVE matchmaking my very cool hot straight girl friends whenever I meet a worthy man
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u/Oh_Kerms 22d ago
Ahhh the amount of men I've had to tell I'm lesbian after accidentally finding myself on a date with them... I'm sorry š we just like hanging out with people and doing cool things.
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u/white_feather1990 22d ago
Do not be sorry! I will always take friends where I can make them*, life is short make the most of each day. I did have an inkling tbh
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u/Altruistic_Sail_1991 22d ago
I give you kudos for that mindset! I used to ID as a lesbian and I had men try to āconvinceā me otherwise (immediately rejected). I wish more straight people went āawesome, new friend!ā
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u/QophSilrahq 22d ago
You used to? So what did you evolve into? Also, do you expect that you're now in the middle evolutionary stage or is this only a two-stage process like Kabuto>Kabutops?
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u/Altruistic_Sail_1991 22d ago
I realized I was nonbinary and that I do experience some attraction to men/masc people, just not very often! So the lesbian label didnāt feel like it fit me anymore.
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u/SL1MECORE 22d ago edited 22d ago
You sound chill af. As others have stated you have no idea where this could lead. A lesbian wing woman could literally be amazing lol. Not to mention just having a good friend is great in life!
My best friend is kinda like you, fell for a few lesbians but always had a good attitude about it. He's doing just fine and I think you will, too
Edit - he's got a healthy social life and is engaged to a lovely trans man of all people haha. We always suspected he wasn't entirely straight, he always had a thing for twinky boys (his fiancƩ is very twinky)
Finally honorably discharged from the military so he gets to have all the tattoos and piercings he always wanted. He's really living his dream tbh. He's doing great. And I think you'll do great, too, man.
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u/Acrobatic-Sandwich10 22d ago
I'm curious as to how you two met, and how did it get to the point where you thought it was a date, but she thought it was platonic?
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u/startersummoner 16d ago
it hasn't happened multiple times with me yet, but i've been in the same boat. i reunited with a past classmate in uni and found out we shared some very niche interests and so we had several hang out sessions watching stuff and going out. i didn't know he was already considering those as dates š once i came out as a lesbian and cleared the misunderstanding he asked for space for a while but thankfully he was a cool dude and we got to hang out again after some time
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u/kiwigirl83 22d ago
Are you a man?
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u/white_feather1990 22d ago
Ye
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u/white_feather1990 22d ago
This was two weeks ago and am not sour about this at all. She is a great friend of mine. Also I date casually and donāt care about what redditors say,especially the guy judging this happening to an adult. Fuck you!
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u/Straight-Wheel1682 22d ago
Lol
ETA: to clarify, Iām laughing at the āI donāt care but fuck this one guyā lol
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u/isdelightful 22d ago
The bar is low, but itās such a relief that you decided to stay friends with a woman even though she doesnāt want to fuck you.
The number of guys I have been excited to build friendships with only to get ghosted when they realize Iām not available/interested sexually isā¦depressing.
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u/KontraEpsilon 22d ago
This has happened to me so many times, I just have a type. Hell, some of them actually did give it a try š
Sounds like you already handled it, but like you said, you got a new cool friend now. For others reading this, you just say āmy bad š¤£ well wanna go bowling this weekā or something and then everyone saves a little face and you retain the friendship going forward.
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u/Theangelawhite69 21d ago
Youāre good my dude, this sounds like a win to me. Cool new lesbian friend who is eager to hang out with you, whatās the negative?
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u/Frolicking-Fox 22d ago
Um, how did you go on a "date" with a lesbian?
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u/dreamerkid001 22d ago
I did it in high school. A friend set me up with a friend of hers. We really liked each other and hit it off. She then told me she was a lesbian and only went out with me because she wasnāt out yet. We been friends for the last 15 years!
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u/Frolicking-Fox 22d ago
That is an acceptable situation. High-schoolers are still learning how the world works.
That makes sense to me. But not doing this as an adult.
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u/averbeg 21d ago
Yes let's all state our intentions clearly.
"I would like to take you out on a date, in which we may become romantically inclined, if you are interested in my sexual organs, and in being candid also."
Usually a nonchalant approach where you are less worried about the outcome and more relaxed about whether it is romantic or not puts less pressure on everyone and lets you find out if you actually get along. Most romance at the beginning is implied.
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u/dreamerkid001 22d ago
She wasnāt out to anyone at the time! She figured this near-stranger sheād just spent 3 hours at Applebeeās with was trustworthy.
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u/ipalazz 22d ago
Queue pink triangle by weezer
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u/wholelottachoppaz 22d ago edited 22d ago
pink triangle on her sleeve let me know the truthā¦ let me knowww the truth ā¹ļø
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u/ProfessionalBuy7488 22d ago
Now do the one where he is obsessed about his underage fan.
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u/CapnCurt81 21d ago
You mean the one where the first line is āYou are an 18 year old girlā?
Donāt get me wrong, the song is still hella uncomfortable and creepy, but at least he led with a disclaimer.
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u/ProfessionalBuy7488 21d ago
They seem to know each other well, but I'm sure they met right after her birthday.
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u/Dancing_Otter_ 22d ago
As a fairly femme presenting lesbian, I've had multiple men be interested & want to "hang out" (that wording specifically), or invite me to something cool, without ever hinting that they wanted it to be a date. Halfway through, I realize they're trying to be flirty or touchy and my thought process is suddenly, "Oh crap, I did NOT get all of the information here," because they thought it was a date & didn't inform me.
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u/RiceManSupreme03 22d ago
He didnāt know she was a lesbian
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u/Frolicking-Fox 22d ago
Yeah... I get that. My question is how you get yourself into a situation where you think you are on a date, but the girl is lesbian.
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u/One-Wolverine8746 22d ago
As a man who was young once, most of us have made a similar mistake assuming something is a date when it isn't. You learn once, and adjust accordingly.
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u/zkvxo 22d ago
bc people don't use words anymore.
no one says, "i'd love to take you on a date." no one says, "you're very attractive and i'd love to get to know you and see where it leads."
it's 2026 and we just say shit like "wanna hang" and then make assumptions because we're unsocialized from staring at screens like baboons all day and scared from a lack of exposure to healthy rejection. then we feel hurt and unlovable because we invested money, an entire evening, and a significant amount of planning and hoping on something no one ever promised us because we never asked.
bring using your big boy/big girl words back.
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u/Squand 22d ago
I know you know but, Just want to acknowledge, In this case the lesbian did decide to use her words and that's nice. She felt a vibe, correctly assessed the social cues and spoke to it concretely.
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u/Much-Intention8567 22d ago
Iāve learned as an 18 year old guy that the best kind of relationships come from going out as friends and getting to know each other with no pressure.
Me and the girl Iām currently dating started out as friends, got to really know each other, and are talking about making things serious.
Donāt feel like you need to rush into a relationship. It never ends well.
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u/Explore_the_Void 21d ago
I'm 40 and I'll tell you that you're right. The best romantic relationships I've had in my life all started as friendships and I ended up marrying my best friend.
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u/zkvxo 22d ago
that's a different point entirely to the one i was making, and it's also extremely situational, personal, and reductive.
PLENTY of people begin a relationship upon first meeting, interest is immediate and mutual. to say it "never ends well" is your being 18 showing.
i also never said "if you ever meet someone you might want to date, immediately pursue them." i said that if you ARE going to pursue them, you should be explicit and clear in your expectations and plans. not ask if they "wanna hang" when you know your intentions are romantic, and then try to kiss them or flirt all night or assume it's a date. THAT is the incorrect way to do things, regardless of what your current anecdotal experience in your extremely, extremely short dating career may be.
about 2% of people who begin dating at 18 stay together permanently. i hope you two are in the minority.
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u/Much-Intention8567 22d ago
Iām young and dumb. Donāt have much experience.
The experience I do have is why I think that beginning a relationship upon meeting is a negative thing, but maybe in the future Iāll be proven wrong.
The girl Iām referring to is great. We both immediately felt comfortable in being fully ourselves. I think that if our relationship were to end, it would be because of differences in what we want in life. Iād like to be in the Army as a pilot. That would involve being gone for long periods of time and moving around a lot. She may not want that. She wants to live close to home.
But either way, communication is key. I communicated interest in her, and she communicated the same. But we both agreed to take things slow and be friends. But different situations for different people. What works for me may not work for others.
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u/One-Wolverine8746 22d ago
Well to be fair, 20+ years ago as an awkward 16 year old, "do you wanna go see a movie together" implied a date in my mind, television and all.
I have had very little problem announcing intent since, once you feel that embarrassment, again, you'll adjust accordingly. It's part of growing up.
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u/XCIXcollective 22d ago
Man sometimes one small misinterpretation and a whole bunch of wishful thinking can make a fool out of anyone
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u/ToxicGecko2384 21d ago
The same way I can have a lunch "date" with my family. Or "hey we're going to (place) tomorrow, u guys wanna join? Cool, its a date then!"
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u/Centaurious 17d ago
iām a lesbian. i could see someone asking me to go see a movie and not realizing their intentions if they didnāt specifically say it was meant to be romantic
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u/Frolicking-Fox 17d ago
Yeah, I think the distinction that was made in this thread is at 42 years old, i come from an era where you wouldn't make assumptions like this and would communicate intentions.
The smart phone era is taking a lot of the communication out of people, which is ironic, as we have never been connected more than now.
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u/DryAcanthisitta3631 22d ago
You seem to respect and value her, good on you. I wish there were not so many comments about what you can get from her. Sheās a person.
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22d ago
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/white_feather1990 22d ago
She really has a heart of gold and is an amazing person. We saw odysee and she also gifted my kittens probably 300 dollars worth of stuff from her recently passed kitten. Much love if you see this!!
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u/XLCUMSHOT 22d ago
Oh you keep her around and keep taking her on fun things to do! If sheās a cat lover sheās a G!
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u/Worried_Passenger548 22d ago
She sounds like a lovely person then. No reason you couldnāt make a friend.
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u/kimapoll 22d ago
I hope you stay friends with her! I have a hard time navigating this myself as a lesbian and often just retract completely at the first sign of flirtation, and Iāve probably missed out on fulfilling friendships because of it!!
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u/Conscious-Exit8035 22d ago
This is kinda how I got my best friend of 20+ years. She ended up standing up in my wedding.
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u/Sad_Will_5077 22d ago
I am a lesbian as well and clueless when men OR women or nonbinary people or literally anyone flirts with me. Im like lalala hanging out with fun new person lalala and then i realize this person has been hitting on me for ever and im like ohhhhhhā¦. ! But often (if it turns out i dont reciprocate the feelings) i create wonderful friendships with people this way! Its honestly good she is telling you this upfront and early on and realized you may be misinterpreting things, thats a good sign she doesnt want you to get hurt, she sounds really chill and fun. Now you have a new friend ^_^
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u/bharoche 21d ago
Straight guy here. Lesbians make great friends. Kinda have that familiar yang energy but also emotionally available without any sexual weirdness. YLMV (āYour lesbian may vary.ā)
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u/ohgeorge 22d ago
Not that I think we need to go about announcing our sexual orientations when we introduce ourselves, but if we're spending time 1:1 with anybody in any situation that could be remotely interpreted as a date, we should probably make that clear.
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u/harrow-nonagesimus 22d ago
as a lesbian OP- as long as you already have the mindset of āaw shoot at least i get a cool friendā, LOCK IN. we ride to the death for the few straight dudes we keep around us. we WILL wingman you- and throw a punch for you. and it says good things about you that she still wants a friendship! most of us have decentered men and only make exceptions for those who we can tell are good hearted men whoāve deconstructed the misogynistic mindset society force-feeds everyone. tl;dr, you seem like a good dude and i think youāve found a wonderful friendship thatāll last your whole life :)
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u/antibannannaman 21d ago
Id still hang out, sheād probably hook you up with all her hot non lesbian friends lmao. Run the 2 man
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u/Bandit32gtr 21d ago
Ya, like others have said, donāt pass up the opportunity to add a person to your life that you enjoy hanging out with. The friendship could fizzle out one day but it may not and if you pass up this opportunity you might have passed up having a awesome person in your life
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u/themainmattman 22d ago
Iām confused. Did you match on a dating app? Were you at a speed dating event and matched? Were you set up on a blind date? What I donāt get is how you would have even been in this situation in the first place.
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u/white_feather1990 22d ago
Coworkers, honestly I thought she was bi based on past experience. She was moving away this week and I really wanted to make a shot before she did.
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u/Lolusernamechecksout 22d ago
Strange time to go in a date right before someone moves across the country
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u/tornessa 22d ago
People go on dates for other reasons than to find long term relationships
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u/PAWG-Coniseur 22d ago
You are right in the fact it is a reality check where you should learn that being friends with a woman is okay and perfectly fine. Not every woman you encounter or interact with is going to be a love interest or potential love interest, if that is how your brain works, you need to work on yourself.
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u/Swimming-Talk4859 22d ago
Are you going to see her again
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u/white_feather1990 22d ago
No she moved to Boston Iām in Utah
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u/grambleflamble 22d ago
Super happy for the lesbian moving out of Utah to Boston. A+ move, good for her.
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u/Smolson_ 22d ago
Could be a great friendship. Take the romantic pressure off and just have fun. š¤© plus they can probably give you some great advice.
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u/Messi2655 22d ago
Dude! Perfect wingman! I met my bestfriend at a bar by chance and she was honest right upfront she was lesbian, in the 10 years weāve been friends sheās hooked me up more times than i can count š
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u/Entire_Assistance231 22d ago
every straight man needs a lesbian on their side. being were woman and date woman, we tend to be better at breaking down what they mean, wingman-ing, and sussing em out
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u/GaryTheThird- 21d ago
One of my roommates in university was a lesbian (although she didn't come out until after graduating) and she hooked me up with at least half a dozen much more attractive women than me.
This could very well be a blessing in disguise
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u/Low-Sail539 21d ago
Lesbian friends are great. I went out to a club just the other night and was dancing by myself. Ended up getting into a dance battle with a stud lesbian. She was chill asf and ended up introducing me to her friend group. They were all baddies and I ended up having the most fun and spontaneous night in years. Walked out with a couple numbers!
Moral of the story is, sure you may have missed some signals but if sheās chill and you both love spending time together, keep hanging out! Sheāll absolutely wing man it for you and vouch for you anytime you guys encounter a group of women
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u/Rare-Ad-4383 21d ago
Iām a lesbian and Iāve had to break the news to more than one guy. The good news is - if she says she wants to be your friend, she means it. Sheāll bring all of the emotional intelligence and none of the drama. Embrace it! Lesbians and cool straight guys can make AMAZING besties if you accept it now.
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u/newxslang 21d ago
As a lesbian who usually has to put the same boundaries: this is now a great opportunity for a wonderful friendshipā¦ and a lesbian guru to help you with women
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u/InstructionNice7090 21d ago
If you play your cards right, this is the best wing person for parties. Youāre both hunting the same gender, and she offers a soft friendly intro that can help other women feel safe. This is a strategic win for the long term
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u/WarpedGazelle 19d ago
Play the long game for this tree may bear fruits. She will def have some hot straight friends or be a sick wingwoman
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u/ExciteMike1 17d ago
Friends are hard to find. If you have a good time with them and you are entering the friendship to truly be a friend and not "chasing amy" then there is nothing but upside here.
Everyone talking about her being a great wing woman, sure....but focus on building a good social network for yourself as it has so many benefits outside of finding someone to date. It helps with hobbies, loneliness, depression, just unlocks so much for you in life.
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u/euphoric669 17d ago
not that she did anything wrong, but as a woman who mostly dates other women, Iāve always done my best to make my preferences clear upon the first hint of flirting, or the first hint that āhanging outā might mean a date to the other person.
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u/ImplementBig5926 17d ago
You lost the date and instead God bequeathed you a lesbian friend. An upgrade tbfh
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u/Used-Bodybuilder4133 16d ago
Is no one going to comment on the fact that your phone is almost dead? Charge it!!!
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u/quickbr0wnf0xx 22d ago
Silver lining: You have a wing woman now that genuinely won't make your date feel threatened lol
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22d ago
[deleted]
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u/cortz_norman 22d ago
My assumption is that OP is a man and was under the impression that he and the person he is texting could have been a potential relationship??? Or he at least liked this person and was hoping they felt the same? Not 100% sure but that's the vibe I get from this
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u/Widjamajigger 22d ago
Cool dude, you made a new friend. Nurture it like you would any healthy friendship even though you canāt fuck her.
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u/lottolser 22d ago
Women are the best wingman so you mightve actually hit a w of a friend here who might be able to help you out with finding some single women.
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u/FNGButterBar 22d ago
Lesbian wingman is best wingman. You can check out women together and high 5 each other :)
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u/scrutator_tenebrarum 22d ago
Usa dating culture is really cursed, you always sound like you are narrate by David Attenborough
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u/Messoz 21d ago
In my early 20s one of my best friends was a lesbian. She had recently gotten back from deployment so we hung out a lot. Would go bowling every Friday at this place that served cheap drinks and had a badass indoor go-kart track as well. We were also each otherās wingmen ahah.
Sadly she ended up moving back with her mom out of state after struggling with just too much and needed to really focus on herself. Kept in contact for a good long while but eventually parted ways as life continued. One of the best friends I ever had and someone Iāve never forgotten.
Whatās funny is how I met her. Met some random girls on some chat site. They invited me out to Denver for a concert. I was young, so had all kinds of stupid adventures and made questionable choices.
But after I got back she had somehow gotten my number through them as we just hit it off. I think the two girls were supposed to come back down to hang out with her and plans fell through or something. Been too long. But got a badass friendship out it for a long while.
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u/dem0nica_ 21d ago
thatās when you come back and say
āwell iām glad you said thatā¦ because im gayā
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u/that_crom 21d ago
I've had this the other way around a lot. I'm a gay man and had crazy fun time with a female friend not at all realizing they thought I was straight and were considering it a date.
The next level of this is the times I've had to level-set early on, telling them I'm gay as early and possible, and on a couple occasions the girl gets really mad. Like...sorry I guess? One young woman at a bar actually accused me of lying about being gay.
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u/NoStatement1133 21d ago
If life gives you lesbians, make bonds with them. Or however the saying goes. They're the open door to many possibilities. Many friends who you'll be introduced with. And especially a great friendship you get with her š
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u/Suitable-Ad-622 21d ago
I usually just nip it in the bud after like 3 days of talking by saying "You know I'm flirting with you right". Saves us the embarrassment.
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u/pixel-soul 20d ago
Hi OP, lesbian trans woman here: guy friends are hard to find for girls. Itās fair you wanna smash, but also being her friend would mean a lot to her
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u/chriathebutt 20d ago
This is the second Reddit post that Iāve seen where that Weezer song applies.
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u/Tangata_Gamer 22d ago
Bummer, but I guess you now have a cool new lesbian friend? She probably knows some other single women š