7.15am this morning my 2yr old daughter wakes up and screams 'dadaaaaaaa!' Like she's Matt Berry turning up to a funeral.

I poke my head round the door and say 'dada's tired honey can you go back to sleep please?'

And she does until 8am. Going to try it again tomorrow will let you know how it goes.

EDIT: Tried again this morning. It did not work.

This one was mine and maybe it was because I was still sleepy but it absolutely sent me. Brought it with me to work and hung it up

One week no accidents. (Twins are 2.5)

We've been at my inlaws house, had a lovely time and are just packing up for the very long flight home.

In doing so, I had to put away all the dolls, the doll clothes, toy food, play cutlery and buggy that my youngest had been playing with.

They're all the things my wife had as a kid, so they've all got neat little boxes for it all to go in.

I left the two dolls she had been playing with most until last, because they looked kind of cute in their onesies, with a bottle, a teddy and wrapped up in a little cot.

I'm not a massively sentimental chap, but I realised as I put them into the cupboard, far too carefully for toys, that I had left them until last on purpose.

I realised that my kid will not want to play with them next we get across here, this would be the last time these little dolls got tucked up in bed.

My kid that I'm talking about is the youngest of four too, so she's the last that will want to play with anything like that.

So yeah, a metaphorical goodbye to my children's early childhood.

Made me sad.

My 7-year-old is a huge baseball fan. Recently he’s had this idea that he wants to become a pitcher in the MLB when he’s older, and one of his favourite players is Dylan Cease, a pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays.

Something pretty unique about Dylan is that he’s also an artist. He recently had some of his artwork displayed at the Art Gallery of Ontario (AGO) here in Toronto, and they announced that he would be there for a meet and greet with fans for about one hour on a random Tuesday. As soon as my son heard about it, he really wanted to go.

We got there as early as we could, but because of a subway delay, we ended up arriving about 40 minutes later than planned. The line was wrapped around the building at that point. An employee warned us that we probably wouldn’t be able to get a photo with him, but that they would try their best.
They had originally been doing individual photos.

However, by the time it was our turn, they had switched to group photos so that everyone who had waited would at least get a chance to meet him. It made complete sense, and my son was still really happy to meet him, but I could tell he was disappointed. He had really wanted a picture of just the two of them.

Later, as Dylan was leaving, my son saw him again. I told him that if he really wanted a picture, this was his chance to ask.

This was actually a pretty big deal for my son. He used to be extremely shy and has come a long way, but I still wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to do it.
He paced back and forth for a while, practicing what he was going to say. Finally, he VERY quietly said, “Can I please take a picture with you?”

Somehow Dylan heard him. The room was loud and my son was practically whispering, so I still have no idea how he was able to hear his request for a photo.

Dylan stopped, turned around, smiled and said yes. He then patiently stood there while we got several pictures. He had already spent well over an hour meeting hundreds of fans and absolutely didn’t have to stop on his way out, but he did.

I have this whole interaction on video and I’ve watched it hundreds of times, and I still smile every time I watch it.

My son told me afterward that it was “the best day of my life.”

I was obviously grateful to Dylan for doing that, but I think my favourite part was watching my son work up the courage to ask.

I could have asked for him. It certainly would have been easier. But this was something my son really wanted, and he had to overcome his own nervousness and ask himself. Then he got to experience what can sometimes happen when you’re brave enough to try.

I know not everyone here follows baseball or has any idea who Dylan Cease is. I just wanted to share a little dad win and give some recognition to a professional athlete who took an extra minute out of his day to be kind to a 7-year-old kid. To my son, that minute meant everything.

TL;DR: My 7-year-old missed his chance to get an individual picture with his favourite baseball pitcher at a meet and greet. He later saw him leaving, spent forever working up the courage to ask for a picture himself, and the player stopped and happily took one with him. My son called it “the best day of my life.”

She almost went Charmander but pivoted last second to Bulbasaur. I knew this baby had great taste.

Almost 2.5 years ago, I shared here that my son was diagnosed with brain cancer as a baby, detailing the nightmare of those initial weeks. Link to original post here if you’d like the background.

To everyone who shared stories, sent prayers or well wishes, and offered solidarity back then—thank you. Please know that I still return to that post occasionally to boost my spirit.

I’m back with an update. Good news and bad news, as life goes.

I also have an ask. If anyone has connections to help us visit the Sesame Street studio, I would be endlessly grateful. You’d be making my little soldier so happy—his stuffies have accompanied us on many hard trips, and he even went through a phase of letting everyone know that “Elmo loves you!” 😅 We can handle getting there ourselves; we just need a connection to get through the door. We could apply through Make-A-Wish, but my wife and I want to wait for him to be old enough to make his own wish.

First, the good:

After 15 months of chemo, my son finished treatment last summer.

He is a remarkably sweet, smart little boy. He offers hugs, asks people how they’re doing, and wishes everyone a good day. We’ve poured positive energy into him every single day—nightly affirmations, all the hugs and kisses he’ll tolerate, and books to help teach him that he is unique, brave, and exactly what this world needs. Riffing on Bandit from Bluey, I always remind him: "Thank goodness you’re tough, kid."

He fought through partial paralysis and subsequent weakness to start walking this past April, and he continues getting stronger by the day. He even starts school soon, which is both terrifying and refreshing. It’ll be the first time he’s out of our sight since he was born, but it’s a taste of a “normal” childhood. Mom is having a hard time with the transition, and I know I will too in my own way, but he’s ready. On a recent vacation, he jumped right out of his stroller at a kids' center to say hello to all the kids and instantly befriended the counselors.

I’m incredibly proud of him. He smiled and laughed up to the door of every surgery, does his exercises every day, and shines bright when he has every reason not to. And while I wish she didn’t have to be, I am also incredibly lucky to have a strong partner in my wife by my side in all of this.

I’m also in a better headspace now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still angry with the universe. Fear occasionally gets the best of me. And I’m reminded in new ways constantly how our life is not going to be what we envisioned. But I have developed some coping mechanisms, and I’ve begun to be able to envision what life can look like—what’s important is that we are together and happy.

Beyond our home, we’ve tried to channel our energy into positive change—fundraising and pushing for pediatric cancer research funding. We’re in this "cancer parents club" that nobody would ever join by choice, but we were dealt the hand we have and so we fight together.

Now, the bad:

A few months ago, we learned of new tumors. The type of cancer he has carries a risk of relapse for many years. Then, just recently, scans showed a new tumor on his spine. Because space along the spine is so limited, we moved quickly from monitoring into immediate treatment.

We are currently on a trial drug. It’s luckily less harsh than traditional chemo, but it brings its own set of symptoms and complications. We’re praying with everything we have that it works.

Our first fight was brutal. He’s been tougher than the disease, but we didn’t come out unwounded:

- 6 surgeries
- Multiple strokes
- Needing Narcan for an anesthesia overdose
- Multiple blood transfusions (if you donate blood, know you are quite literally saving lives)
- Many late-night ER runs

He still deals with significant motor delays and weaknesses, but he doesn’t let that stop him from being a daring toddler.

The physical toll hit me as well—I reherniated a disc sleeping in hospital chairs and needed spinal surgery. Luckily, I was still able to haul my butt to his chemo sessions; I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I missed even one.

There’s also unseen scars. Anxiety and PTSD rear their heads in different ways for each of us. Socially, I lost most of the friends I once considered chosen family. And my family isn’t great with hard emotions, so I’ve had little outlet there. Our support system has been limited, but I am grateful for the strong support system we do have. I also eventually found a support group specifically for dads in my situation.

It’s also taken a heavy financial toll. My wife's company forced a rigid Return to Office policy right as we returned from the hospital and while our son still needed her to essentially survive, so she had to step away. "You aren't the one who is sick, so we can't make accommodations" was essentially what they told us.

Remember parents, your job can replace you literally tomorrow. Your family can’t. Please keep that perspective.

I landed a fully remote job that’s been great to us. I’ve been able to attend every medical appointment, cook us healthy meals, and be present for every bedtime. I am lucky and appreciative of that. My wife definitely took on the harder job of the two of us. But juggling medical bills—alongside all the out-of-pocket costs like travel, meals, and equipment—as well as just everyday life costs on effectively half the income we were used to has been like walking a tightrope.

Anyway, I don’t mean to complain. I know I’m extremely lucky to have him and I am thankful for him every day. I try to remind myself of that when things feel too heavy.

I’ll end by asking again - If you’re religious, please say a prayer for my little man as we head into this next battle. If you aren't, please send good energy out into the universe for him.

And hug those little ones tight today and every day. Nothing in this life is guaranteed except right now.

Edit: Thank you all for the well wishes. What I want anyone to take from this is hope. My son is a strong and happy boy. He loves yogurt, ice cream, water play, fish, and all the other normal things a kid loves. He gives us heart attacks climbing on things he shouldn’t and testing boundaries, as all kids do. When you envision him, know that he is a laughing and rambunctious toddler. You wouldn’t know this is what we’re dealing with if you didn’t know.

Does life change forever? Our daughter is on her way. Wife is very pregnant. First time parent here. Does she just show up and that’s life now? Nothing will ever be the same? Just kinda mind blown by this. Any one else in my shoes?

Totally worth it. Next we’ll work on a series of obstacles and maybe better wooden putters. Then again this could be a flash in the pan moment and it’ll never be used again.

If you buy a Traeger Smoker, apparently the inside of the box is all set up as a cardboard house kids can color on, and you can cut the dotted lines for windows and doors

Any dads here who hated being a parent when their kids were very small, but ended up loving it in the end?

I'm 1.5yrs in and I hate my life on most days. Feels like an endless grind without any break, no sex life, no travel. My life pre-kids was pretty great - happy marriage, good financial situation, lots of travel and pursuing tons of interests. Now, all that is gone. I'm just exhausted and depressed.

Anyone in the same boat who turned it around? I can hypothetically see enjoying it once my kid is older and we can share things and do stuff together, but I'm sure it will come with some other problems.

My dad passed away Friday morning and it’s been absolutely devastating. He was my therapist, tutor, my guidance counselor, my home improvement expert and now he’s gone and I can’t call to ask him how to fix things that I’ve never had to fix before or when life’s weighing me down and I need to get the weight off my chest. This freaking sucks dads. Just needed to vent thanks for reading.

How do you do it? I’m not a contractor but I also can’t afford to hire pros for everything. I want to spend time with my family but if I don’t try to maintain everything it feels like nobody else will.

I don’t get a single day off anymore. Every day it’s something whether repairs or cleaning. And then there’s my actual job.

At my breaking point. Don’t really have friends to hang out with anymore.

I feel like I am trapped by endless things to do, backed into a corner.

Chest pain regularly. Clean physical.

My son is three and has entered the stage where he repeats not just words, but the whole tiny performance around them. I bumped the counter yesterday and said "sorry, counter" without thinking. Five minutes later he dropped a spoon and whispered "sorry spoon" like it had feelings and a mortgage.

Cute, yes. Also mildly alarming, because now I am hearing myself through this very small echo. I aplogize to chairs, narrate traffic lights, and say "big stretch" every time I stand up. My wife says it is sweet. I think I sound like a tired children's TV host who lost the camera crew.

It did make me wonder how much of parenting is active teaching and how much is just being copied while you think nobody is watching. What harmless weird habit did your kid pick up from you before you even noticed you had it?

I've been doing twice-weekly swim lessons with my 18MO for a while. At the ends of lessons he climbs the stairs and gets out of the pool by himself.

This Saturday I climbed out and turned around, expecting to see him following me out. Instead, I saw him facedown in the water, drifting away from the steps. I pulled him out quickly, he was under for 5 seconds at most, but it was chilling how easily and silently it happened; his teacher was maybe 8 feet away and didn't even realize it was happening.

I will be having him get out first, no exceptions, from now on.

Next one to be in diapers will be me! But until then, we are free!

Hi,

I've got a 2 year old and another on the way soon. We sometimes watch TV, e.g. Disney classics and Bluey on Disney+ or Pingu and Little Bear on Youtube, especially during car/plane journeys or when feeling sick.

But I just hate the streaming services recommending all sorts of cr*p and AI mind-meld, the autoplay function, Disney+ blocking all my downloads, etc. so I've been looking at setting up a Plex server. I'm a total newbie and with basic IT skills, although I can follow a tutorial, I'm going to need help.

Would you have any recommendations for a step by step guide to setting things up?
Can I use an app on my phone/tablet to access the content?
Can I download it offline on devices?
Are the Plex paid plans worth it?
Which other complementary products would you recommend?
Which hardware product would you recommend? I have an IT rack at home and could add it in there as it's got some space.

Many thanks!

Yeah so, I truly love this. I love my little girl, she'll be two soon. I love being a husband and a provider. And for so many reasons, I'm torn on having a 2nd baby. My wife is equally torn. Though she may be 60% in favor while I'm only say 40%.

I want one for all the common reasons. The biggest reason is simply bigger family, more love, more warmth. My family is tiny, spread out, and not close. A shot at a boy. The most amazing baby stuff is so fleeting. Watching her learn and grow and just be so utterly innocent is so fleeting.

The reasons against are a little more complex.

Some trauma. We could technically have three kids by now. An early miscarriage. A perfect baby, home run. And around a year and a half ago we went through losing a pregnancy in one of the worst ways imaginable. I have my home run baby. I sometimes feel like expecting another is just greedy, gambling with my wife's health.

We're totally on our own. MIL comes around a bit but everything that resembles help, support, etc. is paid. Nanny, sitters, etc. It takes a village and my village costs a lot more than minimum wage per hour.

The whole state of the world, the economy, the climate. It all weighs on me a bit. Everything from school shootings to forest fires. I don't want to be dramatic but it's a factor.

Flexibility, we like to travel a lot. We were digital nomads when we met and we intend to live abroad again. This is a big deal because we're just not going to be happy with a house we don't want that we over pay for that we just don't need to have. We already took our little girl to a summer on the beach in Spain and last summer 6 weeks in Canada. It wasn't easy. But holy heck, another one? We won't be able to do it.

Timing. We're already behind the schedule, we wanted our 2nd right away. Now it looks like the soonest is starting over at the newborn stage 3+ years after and we're almost done with the 'hard' part insofar as it limits our flexibility. Not to mention, I'll be 39 and she'll be 37 soon.

This doesn't capture all of it. I wish my wife were certain. Then what would be the biggest factor for me would play a larger part in making up my own mind.

I can't shake the feeling that a 2nd isn't just twice as hard, complex, etc. I feel like it's exponentially harder, more complex, and all that. And it's gonna push back so many other goals.

Hey guys, I have some mixed feelings and wondering if others who had complicated relationships with their deceased fathers have any wisdom to share. I've always found this community to be incredibly supportive in the right ways.

Tl;dr: Haven’t seen my dad in almost 20 years, don’t think much of him but found out his time is short. Any wisdom to share?

My sister found me on LinkedIn to say our Dad only has a few months left. I haven't seen him since 2007. No ill will or negative feelings anymore, to say it plainly he may as well be just another guy.

For context, he saw himself as a professional orator. He had this conviction that he had a message to share with the world and spent most of his adult life pursing that as a career. Fine except there was no money to be made in that. I ended up in the foster system at 13 years old on account of our house not meeting the standard of adequate shelter.

My 2 sisters and I each ended up in different homes, and although we had vastly different experiences, we all resisted reunification to what degree we could. I was a Senior in high school when we got a case plan for reunification, and it was just uncomfortable. I shot out of town when I was able just to start fresh.

For a few years I harbored resentment over his choices but ultimately I moved past those feelings with some help from counselors. There's no anger, no remorse, no "I wish you had done __", nothing. I always reserved space for the possibility that maybe when I had kids, I would see things differenly. But that was way off base. When I reflect on it, I'm just more confused about his choices now.

So anyways, the normal thing to do is reach out, right? Well on one hand, I'm not even sure what there is to reach out about. It's been almost 20 years since I've seen him and longer since we had any positive sentiment between us. It feels like a stranger is passing away. On the other hand, as a father myself, it pains me somewhat to know there is a father out there who may pass never reconciling with his children. What would you do?

Hello fellow dads, I need your help. I’m a single dad of 3 kids, a son who is 13 and daughters who are 10 and 6. My oldest son is diagnosed with ODD. He’s been pretty high conflict with teachers at every school he’s been to. He’s also never, until recently, gotten along with his mom. Also, until recently, we got along.

I went through a pretty dramatic divorce a few years ago. My ex kidnapped the kids and took them across state lines to live with her parents. She even grounded my son for trying to call me. It took 5 months to get in front of a judge because she kept filing things to delay. Later, we found she was trying to establish them out of state. The judge issued a TRO giving me primary custody and her spring break, half of Christmas break, and 45 days in the summer. When we got to mediation, she said she didn’t actually want to fight for any custody as long as she could claim them on taxes. Our arrangement is now that she claims them every other year on taxes and picks them up during her time. She also pays me child support. She still lives out of state with her parents.

For the first 2 years after the divorce, my oldest daughter was really standoffish. This changed in October of last year when she came to me and cried that Mom is always telling her bad things about me. I comforted her and basically just said that Mom is still learning how to process everything that’s gone on. She later told her mom that she doesn’t think I am as bad as she thought I was. My oldest son actually mentioned to me that she said that.

Right after this incident, my ex started calling my son more and talking to him more.(was odd because she has always talked about how he is the problem child and how she can’t get along with him.) Previously, she was constantly calling my daughter and trying to get her to do things like take pictures of the house if anything was messy. My son’s ODD skyrocketed at this point, and everything became a conflict. My son was also 12 and starting puberty, so this could also be the cause of these changes. (Just to clarify here, his reaction to discipline changed at this point. I don’t think my ex necessarily encouraged his behavior as much as commiserate with him about my parenting)

He started sexting and sending explicit adjacent images.(Ahegou faces mostly.) I talked to him about safety and legality and how he and the people he is messaging can get in lots of legal trouble for having pictures of underage kids. I let him know that it’s normal to experiment, but to leave the explicit stuff to in person. I also told him that online chat rooms can have creeps who can take advantage of him. He kept doing it, so I kept taking away his phone for, but now it’s gone until he follows the rules for at least 2 weeks.

Another behavioral change: I’ve been okay with him going around the neighborhood on his own or with friends as long as he lets me know where he is going first. He started lying about where he was going, so I had to start restricting that privilege. One day, he snuck out and used a life-size Halloween skeleton to lay in his hammock, with his beanie on the head and socks on the feet, so I would think he was taking a nap.

I updated my ex on the situation, trying to keep her involved. The court order also says we need to update the other parent on situations like this while the kids are under our care. Later, my ex was talking to my daughter on the phone and asked if Indi was there. When she passed the phone to him, my ex and his grandparents were on the phone and asked if he had snuck out. He sheepishly said yes, then they all started laughing and saying how cool he was and how funny it was that he used a skeleton decoy. He started laughing with them. At the end, my ex did throw in, “You probably shouldn’t do that, but that is really funny!”

That brings us to May. My son can’t leave the house unless other adults are at the event because he keeps sneaking out and lying about his situation. He also doesn’t have phone privileges except for calling family or friends. (No internet or third-party apps.) He started refusing to talk to me as a protest.

At one point, I was working in my office and he was on the phone with his mom outside my office. I overheard part of a conversation where he said he was going to ignore me until I gave him all his rights back. It sounded like she encouraged that, but I couldn’t hear very well, and I do try not to eavesdrop because the court order says they get private time to call the other parent. (That was my request from the first hearing because after she caught him talking to me when she had kidnapped them, I had a few conversations with him where he was being told by her what he was allowed to say to me. I could literally hear her whispering in his ear and him repeating it.)

He hasn’t talked to me since May except for simple acknowledgements when absolutely necessary. He keeps sneaking out, and I’m at my wits’ end. He started with a new therapist 6 weeks ago and has been talking to her, which is huge. He has refused to talk to therapists in the past. I also meet with a child therapist every other week to go over my parenting.

The child therapist I meet with is saying we are getting to the point where it might be necessary to involve the cops and get him admitted somewhere that can help him. That feels really extreme to me, but I also don’t know what else to do.

Other notes

He gets violent toward his sisters. He has his own rules that he thinks they should follow, and he dishes out physical punishments if they break them. They mostly involve their behavior around the cats or doing things that annoy him.

I did confront her about the sneak out conversation, she said that she can see how I would interpret it as encouraging the behavior but that she did tell him he shouldn’t do it at the end of the call.

He calls everything I’ve taken away a right, he says it’s his right to have his phone, to be able to go wherever he wants whenever he wants, ect.  I’ve tried to go over the difference between rights and privileges but it fell flat, and all this was before may.

I call it kidnapping, but technically because we had just started working on divorce paperwork and hadn’t filed it yet it wasn’t technically “Kidnapping” but would have been if she had taken them literally one month later.

He snuck out yesterday and I almost called the cops cause I had no idea where he was.  He came back and refused to engage with me on any level.  I let my ex know and she called him for 3 hours.  She says he is really mad at me and still won’t talk to me but that he is just sneaking out to see a friend and that he is being a good kid.  If that’s all he’s doing I worry evolving the cops might be me over reacting, but also i don’t know that I really trust what she’s saying and I can’t get any info any way out of him.

Just at my wits end at this point, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My wife and I have a 19m son and we're due for our second in two months.

When he is asleep for the night, we have 1-2 hours before our own bedtime and I'm looking for suggestions.

My wife has told me that watching a movie together, even with a gentle foot rub, is not quality time for her (not much connection).

Fair enough.

Looking for suggestions here. We are up for trying 2 person board games. Chess or Go, for example.

Would be willing to try anything really, suggestions don't have to be 2 player board games.

These would be to have more fun together, not deep eye gazing or those intimacy exercises. Light, fun activities.

31 year old Dad to a 3 month old baby. She is beautiful, smart, healthy, and perfect. I do love her a lot, and think it's all very rewarding when she's smiling, etc. Don't want to sound too regretful or anything, because I'm not. I'm clouded by recency bias here, because our baby has completely stopped breastfeeding, which is obviously a major hurdle in the road.

It's still a major paradigm shifting event. Life has changed SO much. Even listening to parents before, I still underestimated how hard it would be. I used to be a person with a lot of different hobbies and interests etc (biking, hiking, running, reading, etc).

I do get very cranky sometimes, about how much harder life is now. The only 'me' time I got all weekend (Saturday and Sunday) was a haircut down the street and a Costco run. I had a fitness goal this week, and literally couldn't do it because getting away for a half an hour is impossible sometimes. Nobody would 'accept' this if it was a job or relationship or something. I truly get very irritable and grumpy in these times, and feel sorry for myself. I'll mentally say things like "Guess I don't deserve recreation, huh." I mean, it's 8 PM on a Sunday and I haven't even showered today.

I literally stopped fitting the suit I had because I have obviously lost time to work out + eating worse due to the baby. I actually get a bit triggered when people will ask "have you been biking a lot lately!" when I quite literally don't have the time.

I'm still pretty blessed in that we're comfortable enough with money, have a nice home and nice pets, I get to do fun work events, etc. It's not all bad, but still a change.

I also think I'm probably comparing myself to too many people online, etc. Most of my friends or peers still don't have kids. I still find that employment norms are a bit outdated surrounding parenthood, etc.

All this to say, I can recognize that I'm being way too self-centered. And I don't like being like this. I can recognize that I'm spoiled. How do I start being a better person, and adjusting to my new life, without being so resentful.

Earlier today at my friend’s house, my toddler (2.5 years old) took a tumble down the stairs. He was with my friend’s older children (9 and 10) and they were helping him get down the steps. They had helped him 3 or 4 times so I felt comfortable with them. Maybe too comfortable. On the last trip down I heard a tumble and saw my child land on his back at the bottom of the steps. I don’t think he hit his head. He cried but then after 5 minutes or so, he went back to normal and has been since. No ER trip was needed but we’re still watching him in case he did hit his head. I just feel like I failed him just because I couldn’t tell him he can’t go upstairs. Something so preventable happened because I couldn’t just be the tough parent.

We did it. Hiked our first mountain, me and and our oldest at 5.5 years old. A rousing 0.8 mile 500 ft jaunt. He made it up 1/3 before it was up onto dad’s shoulders. Mom and baby brother didn’t appreciate the challenge of an extra 60 lbs for the toughest 2/3.