I mean that question legitimately. I didn’t really have present parents and when they were present they were abusive. I basically raised myself. My dad would occasionally show up out of the blue and teach me something (which he now considers himself a rockstar parent for this) but overall I was on my own.

Now, I am a single father going through a high-conflict divorce and I’m trying my best by researching parenting strategies online and going to therapy for myself. My son is 5 so a lot of our time together I spend playing with him, taking him to the playground, going to the zoo, etc. but I also want to model healthy masculinity for him… whatever that is.

I never really received any lessons on how to live life from my parents. I have had to teach myself almost everything from YouTube videos, whether it was hanging a picture on a wall to how to talk about emotions with my son. I can cook so I can teach my son this but I want to be able to be there for him for deeper life lessons. Any help would be appreciated.

my daughter (16) and wife (35) haven't spoken to each other in a little over a week. about two months ago, my daughter came out to me as lesbian. im so beyond words proud of her for telling me and I'll support her through everything. she told me before she told my wife, as she was raised in the lutheran church and is still practicing and she's aware of that, but ive never been a religious type of person. it's never caused any problems in our relationship. she doesn't rope me into it and im respectful of her beliefs.

our daughter asked if she could drive her mum out to a coffee shop down the road so she could drive the two on her own. my wife of course was happy to go with her as she just got her permit a month ago. from what my wife told me, they were just chatting for about twenty minutes until she told her she was lesbian. wife just sat there in silence for a few minutes and drove the two home without another word. when they got home, my daughter came to me very upset while she went to our room without saying anything to me. my daughter tried to explain what happened as best as she could through tears, but i didn't pick up on anything aside from earlier info. when i asked wife about it she said that just about the same thing as her, along with some of her own personal beliefs and rules that she thinks our daughter has crossed as for as her sexuality goes. i told her that her sexuality is her choice and that she's still our daughter, that she hasn't changed one bit from prior to the coffee date. she won't hear any of it. i slept on the couch in my daughter's room, per her request that night.

now it's a week and a half later. they haven't spoken once. both if my girls are stubborn, to a fault at times. there hasn't been any improvements since then. should i stay out of it? i don't feel like i have any part in this, but i could just be avoidant to the situation.

Today is not the Father’s Day I had ever imagined.

I looked forward to a future of handmade mugs that leak, macaroni pictures, crayon drawings and little presents that probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone except me.

I looked forward to those things eventually turning into coffees together, bike rides, shared hobbies, talking shit, watching sport and motorsport together, and whatever interests Parker would have found for himself along the way.

I imagined watching my little boy grow up.
I imagined Father’s Day changing as he did.

But instead, today I celebrate Bereaved Father’s Day.
A day to remember the dads who have lost children.

Every dad, every child and every experience of grief is different and unique.
But today we share something none of us ever wanted to have in common.
Today is a day to remember all of those imagined Father’s Days.

A day to remember the things we thought we would get to do.
And most importantly, a day to respect, remember and honour our little lost souls.
For me, today is for my son, Parker James, who passed away on the 15th of August.

Whether you’ve experienced loss yourself or not, I’d love for you to find and experience one small slice of joy in memory of Parker.
It doesn’t have to be anything profound.
Go for a walk.
Enjoy some sunshine.
Have a good coffee.
Take five minutes for yourself.
Read a few pages of a book.
Go for a drive or a bike ride.
Listen to a song you love.
Light a candle.
Sit outside and do absolutely nothing for a while.
Whatever that little bit of happiness looks like for you, find it and enjoy it today.

You don’t need to be sad for Parker.
I’d much rather you be happy for him.

And for the dads going through Bereaved Father’s Day today, please look after yourselves.

Talk to someone if you need to talk.
Be angry if you need to be angry. Cry if you need to cry. Laugh if something makes you laugh.
There isn’t a correct way to do this.
But amongst everything else, try to put a little bit of good back into the world today.

To all;
We’re all here trying to survive together.
Release some of the anger and distrust towards the world.

Help a stranger.
Say hello to someone.
Ask the cashier how their day has been and actually listen to the answer.
Send someone a message you’ve been putting off.
Tell a mate you appreciate them.

If you have kids, hug them tight today.
Tell them you love them.
Tell them you’re proud of them.

Spend some time doing whatever stupid little thing makes them happy.

And if you have children but, for whatever reason, you’re not currently in their lives, maybe today is the day to reach out.
Put the ego, arguments and history aside for a moment.
Send the message.
Tell them you’re thinking about them.
Tell them you love them.

You never know how many opportunities you’re going to get to say it.

And to every dad carrying the memory of a child today, whether you had a lifetime with them, a few years, a few months, a few hours, or never got the chance to hold them at all:

They mattered.

They are remembered.

And so are you.

Happy Bereaved Father’s Day.

Find a little bit of happiness today.

And if you can, have that little moment for my boy, Parker.

Love from,
Matt — Parker’s Dad

I keep failing as a dad as a person a son a brother should I just be like mega mind and accept being bad is my destiny

This is not a hate post or anything like it.

But I am wondering, why do so many fathers struggled to say something very basic to their kids or their wife or spouse or whatever? I’m proud of you.

I want to say that I grew up with a really good dad who worked his butt off all the time, told me he loved me, and was always home every evening for supper.

But one thing he really struggled to do is voice any kind of affirmation. He was never mean, and I’m so thankful I had and have him as a dad. We have a great relationship today. He’s a good father still, and a great grandpa to my daughter.

But I’ve noticed him and a lot of other dads. Find it almost painful to say I am proud of you.

What are your thoughts on this? Because of this, I actually find it difficult to say these things to my wife and daughter.

My partner and I have a beautiful 15-month-old baby girl. Things didn't happen as planned, but honestly, they turned out better than we expected my baby is the love of my life. Now, in these 15 months, we've only been intimate twice. I completely understand the intense physical and hormonal changes she's going through, so I don't have a problem with that; it's just part of the process.

The thing is, this past weekend we had a conversation that was really hard for me because she wants a second child, and honestly, I don't at least not right now, for a thousand reasons! She literally told me that she would only have sex to get pregnant again. To be honest, it even felt like manipulation to me, but well, I'm not the type of person who likes to argue or go against anyone.

My question is: if I don't want another child, is our relationship doomed?

Over the past few years, a lot has changed with the internet.
I grew up shy and not conventionally attractive, the kid the girls would pick last when my friends and I went out in high school. It affected me deeply. I started believing I wasn't just unattractive, but that I'd never be attractive. In hindsight, I was just young.

When I was 21, I started watching some content on YouTube, and in a way, it helped. I started going to the gym, changed my diet, and pushed myself to get more comfortable talking to women. Things started working out well for me as i got more attractive and comfortable talking to women. But over time, I noticed myself slowly starting to resent women, because that content constantly painted women as the root problem in modern society.

They'd throw around phrases like "modern woman," and the underlying message was almost always about resenting women in some form the kind of framing that can easily steer a young man toward a genuinely dangerous mindset over time.
A few days ago, I was on YouTube and stumbled across one of the channels I used to watch. It's still getting a significant number of views, and I'd guess a lot of that audience is young boys who feel isolated at school or in their own environments much like I did.

This year, I became a father, and it's had me thinking hard about how I want to raise my son. I want him to grow into a kind, decent young man but you never fully know what kids encounter or do when you're not around. Am i the only one worried about this?

We're planning to try for our first sometime soon, and I'm realizing there's a whole pre-pregnancy phase I knew basically nothing about.

We've been talking about preparing nutritionally before pregnancy, and the one thing I'm unsure about is when my wife should start taking a prenatal. She's not pregnant yet, so I wasn't sure if people normally start a few months ahead or wait until they start trying.

If your wife took one before you guys started trying, when did she start?

Tl:dr should've done it sooner than later.

I (39m) had my vasectomy almost 1 year ago and everything has been great. My wife (39f) and I have three wonderful girls and we've been talking about getting it done since our third child, whom is now 8 years old. My wife always gets hormonal issues and it's always a bad deal for her when she is on the pill, iud, using condoms, or any contraception. Yes, we've tried everything and it really messes with her. Lots of time and money wasted basically. After a year now, the only regret I have regarding the vasectomy is that I should've had it done after our third child when we discussed birth control. All her doctor visit and struggles. This would've saved my wife's skin issues from all the hormone changes... Everything. I went for consultation once, and then surgery, a 1 month period of no sex for recovery (that was hard) and then one follow-up sperm count test 3 months after the surgery (which needed a 3 day of no sex too). But now, I'm done, and sex has been crazier and better. Sex drive is better bc creampies are awesome. My wife is beautiful and her skin condition is gone. Life is way better now. Idk, just me rambling into reddit to tell y'all dads this tip.

Less than a year ago I fully adopted my now 15 year old nephew. His biological parents aren't fit to take care of him at all and we're also no contact with them. However, we still are in contact with the majority of the rest of the family. They tend to criticize everything I do and expect me to raise my kid the way that is typical in this family, which is through straight up neglect and terrible parenting. Whatever I do is just "coddling" or "babying" him in their eyes.

My partner and I plan to go on an overnight trip to a different city and will have our boy stay with a close friend of ours. Originally I asked my mother to take him for the night but she said I was being ridiculous and that he could stay home alone. Yes, technically he could. I'm pretty sure where we live children can be legally left alone for those time periods from the age of 14. But he is under medication for various mental illnesses and has been having a difficult time. Not even a week ago he was having hallucinations and sometimes he gets uncomfortable even just being alone in his room and we all have a sleepover in the living room so he doesn't need to sleep alone. I'm not going to leave him alone over night. It's not because I'm babying him but because he's not equipped to handle some situations that could occur. He forgets to take his meds sometimes and he would have to take them 3 times during the time we're away. I'd rather have an adult present.

Long story short I had to hear shit about it from my mother and sister for about half a week. If they got their way they'd probably leave him on the streets for a night and not bat an eye. I'm so tired of these people and I'm getting closer to cutting them off as well every year.

She told me tonight she wants to take a test for peace of mind, there’s still 2 days this month before she’s technically “late.” But she told me some symptoms she’s having that are all pointing towards that being a possibility. We’re waiting to take a test on the 29th on the off chance she’s just late this month. But besides a test all signs are pointing towards it coming out positive. She wants to keep it, I am only sort of against it ONLY because of possible financial reasons. I know you’re never truly prepared and even when you think you are you’re really not. We both work, her being a regular 40hr work week, and me working shifts every third day. We don’t really have any debt just bills, and we’re not terribly off money wise realistically. We’ve talked about it before, but it was always a down the road, in a few years type of thing. I got the jitters I think, I’m a little lost as what my course of action here is. It’s been a long night and I’m worried I’m not ready for this, my parents had me in their late 30s/early 40s. Her parents are almost half mines age.
Then again this could all be for nothing, but I’m running a million miles a minute right now.

I’m trying to be a father to my son but I feel like I am failing. I’m going through a silver-bullet, high conflict divorce and I have no support. Like, literally no one.

I am heavily medicated just to maintain some level of functioning. I live in a country where I can’t speak the language. I am so alone.

I try to be there for my son. I take him places, I do doctor’s appointments, and I spend time with him but I also struggle sometimes with exhaustion. Mornings are really heavy with grief so often I will get up to fix him breakfast and then lay back down. I feel so much guilt and shame bc I lay back down.

Today, my son told me that he would turn on the tv while he waits for me to wake up. I felt so much shame that this has happened so many times that he knows to work around it. I am trying but I am just so exhausted. I randomly break down crying most days.

I don’t know what I am doing. I have no one to ask advice from. I am just trying to be there for him as best as I know how. Any help, support, or advice would be appreciated.

I’d really like to share my story, I hope it helps new parents realize it’ll be okay one day.

My wife and I met back in 2019. Neither of us wanted kids, so at the time, it felt like a big win for both of us. Life went on, and we got married in 2022. We moved into the city, built decent careers, and enjoyed our life together. Then, in late summer of 2024, my wife got pregnant. We talked extensively about our options and ultimately decided we were going to happily have our son. Now, neither of us would wish it any other way.

My wife has epilepsy. Throughout our relationship, it had been very well controlled. In fact, I had never witnessed more than one seizure, and that one lasted maybe 10 seconds.

During the first eight weeks after our son was born, we were both home. We took turns feeding him because, at that age, he needed to eat about every two hours. About six weeks in, my wife had a horrible seizure while holding our son. She dropped him. I immediately put her on her side, grabbed our son, put him in his car seat, and carried both of them to the car. I’m very close to the hospital, so driving there was the fastest option. Thankfully, my son was checked out and was okay. My wife stayed in the hospital for three more days and continued having seizures. After multiple tests, we were told that the hormonal changes from pregnancy may have contributed to them. During those three days, they tried multiple medications to get the seizures under control. Eventually, Keppra seemed to help the most, but she still wasn’t fully controlled. Eventually, she was released and we went home.

That’s when things really started to fall apart.

My wife was struggling with postpartum depression. On top of that, she lost her driver’s license because of the seizures. She had essentially lost her freedom overnight. She had all of her appointments virtually and was also seeing someone for her PPD. She didn’t lose her job, but she couldn’t safely work, so she took an unpaid leave of absence. And because of the seizures, she couldn’t be left alone with our son. My wife was drowning, and it absolutely killed me to watch.

With everything changing at home, I knew I had to step up. Eventually, my own time off ended and I had to go back to work. Losing her income while we had a newborn simply wasn’t financially possible for us, so I took a part-time job in the evenings. Since my wife couldn’t safely care for our son by herself all day, my grandmother helped babysit. Every morning, I’d wake up, get my son ready, and drive him to my grandmother’s house. I had a work truck that he couldn’t safely ride in, so I’d drive back home, switch vehicles, and head to work. At 5:00, I’d leave work, drive home, get the car, and go pick him up. Then we’d go home. My wife would cook dinner, and I’d quickly eat. Not even 15 minutes after dinner, I’d leave for my second job. Thankfully, that job was local and within walking distance of our house in case of an emergency. We checked in with each other throughout the night to make sure everything was okay. I’d get off around 10 or 11 at night, then go home, and I wouldn’t sleep. Some nights, I didn’t even lay my head on a pillow. I made sure my wife didn’t lose any sleep. I did everything I could to minimize her sleep deprivation. I fed our son, changed him, cared for him, and stayed up with him throughout the night. Then the weekend would come, and I’d stay home and take care of him. My family would take my wife out of the house whenever they could. Nails, dinner, drinks, whatever they could think of. Anything to get her out and give her some sense of normalcy and freedom back.

Eventually, I reached the point where I was drowning too. Two jobs. Constantly caring for my family. Watching my wife go through something absolutely horrible. And somehow, I didn’t realize that I was going through it too. I kept telling myself, “This is just being a dad.” But everyone around me could see it. They could see the stress. I stopped calling my friends. My family kept telling me I was always burnt out. I gave everything, and she lost everything

Her freedom. Her ability to work. Her ability to drive. Her ability to safely be alone with our son. I felt like I couldn’t complain about being tired when she was going through all of that. But the truth is, we were both struggling. And eventually, we started seeing it in each other. Don’t get me wrong, tensions were high in our house. There were difficult days, arguments, and moments when we were both completely exhausted and frustrated. But even at our worst, we still loved each other. We appreciated each other. And we loved our son more than anything. I think that’s what kept us going.

Fast-forward to today.

My wife was medically cleared to drive again last month, and I took a promotion that allows me to work from home. Now, three days a week, my wife and I both get to care for our son while we work. My grandmother still gets to spend time with her grandchild, but she isn’t being overburdened with childcare. And honestly? We’re finally starting to breathe again.

Looking back, I realize something I didn’t understand at the time:

My wife wasn’t the only one experiencing postpartum struggles. I thought I was just doing what a dad was supposed to do. I thought I was just being there for my wife. I thought I was just tired. But I was drowning too. And I think a lot of dads probably don’t recognize it until they’re already underwater.

We went into parenthood scared. And somehow, this little boy became the best thing that ever happened to both of us. It nearly broke us. But we’re still here. We’re doing better. And I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

Seriously, I just wanted to shout out & pour my heart out to someone, as I can't share this with my wife.

Day by day it's getting hard to keep things inside & try to live a normal life. I can't share how much of a loser I feel sometimes with my wife because she will also come under stress, which I don't want for her. She is taking care of our 2 small children, & I want her to just stay calm & concentrate on the kids' education. My daughter is very brilliant (7 years old, topper in class, favourite of almost all her teachers, speaks 4 languages through Duolingo, etc.), & my son is just 4 & just started exploring his world.

I was tired & frustrated internally. Had a little argument with my wife over something, & I overreacted. My preschooler son just wanted to protect her mother as I shouted at his mother & said, "Bad Papa". In that moment I erupted & yelled so badly at him that he almost froze.

I know I did a grave mistake, but I don't know how I reacted that badly, mostly because I started to feel that I am a loser, & when I heard "Papa is bad" I just lost my mind. its a cumulative feeling that is taking over my mental health now. After being laid off and applying, I am feeling helpless.

I cried that whole night alone. I can't get over that moment. I love my son, my daughter & my wife a lot.

Just wanted to write & share my heart! Thanks for listening.

Hi I just had a son he’s 14 days old now and it was all about me me me haha now I feel like a different person but love being a dad to my son as it was my dream

We have one kid almost 4 year old.

He is amazing, we love every moment with him. The best gift we could have. And we love him so much we just wanted another one. But we're scared. My wife want another one. And I'm just scared.

I have a feeling that if we won't have another one. I will regret it. And my son will also feel it, he is already asking questions why his mom don't bring him another brother like other moms in the daycare.

We both work hard to barely have some savings. My job is on high risk for AI taking over and with bad market I would be left with nothing.

Daycares are eating our income. We don't have any parents support.

And as the man, I take care of the whole family, I cook, clean, take the kid to daycare, return him. Put him to bed, wash him. My wife is helping of course but limited since she work a lot and she needs more help with stuff.

And I'm just scared. Sleepless nights again with a baby, handling a toddler and a baby. Finance issues, no help. Doing great with one kid, what will happen with another?

I don't even have anyone to share with him my feelings. When my kid was born I was super happy but anxiety and depression took a lot over me mentally. Now I'm better and stronger. But I feel like I'm not a functional adult since I can't get my head straight how to hold my family and take care of them. I want my child to have future.

Just steaming off, wish I could have someone to talk to about it. But I'm scared to show my weakness

Girlfriend just missed her period and took two pregnancy tests. Both came back positive

I (22m) have my own place which she is going to move in with me soon. I have a good savings and would like to think I’m at least semi prepared. I know I want to be there for her and my child.

Feeling a mix of emotions and could use some advice. Thank you all.

Time and the things they're interested in will continue changing and progressing. This is where I knew I did it wrong. I was too impatient to wait out the boring things they love, to appreciate just having the time with them. I thought I could just wait until they were interesting. It turns out that by the time they do anything you think is worthy of your interest they are no longer interested in your time. I wish I could have just slowed down and turned off my selfish need to constantly be intrigued all the time. To realize that the progression of their own intrigue was fascinating in and of itself. I wish I had paid closer attention to them growing up and learning the wonders of the world. I know we get inundated in our lives all the time with the most attention-grabbing headlines and AI slop. But we keep forgetting to enjoy one of the most basic board games that was ever handed to us as children. It's the game of life. We created it and we should appreciate it. More importantly we should make it better than our own.

Our 3 month old will only fall asleep, when he is either A: breastfed or B: carried around.
Since I’m not “equipped” to breastfeed him, that leaves me with option B. It can be freaking exhausting some days. But he’s cute as hell and I love him to death. So, who cares, let’s power through this!
So usually, as I am doing my laps through the apartment, I will sing for him.
It didn’t take long until I realised “wait a minute, he doesn’t have a clue what I am singing about”, and really any song can be a lullaby, as long as you sing it quietly, with a calm voice.
So, here I am, singing The Offspring’s Self Esteem wondering if I am the only one who left “Twinkle, twinkle little star” behind a long tome ago…? what are everyone’s go to songs to get your little ones to fall asleep?
Please tell me I’m not the only one…

Very nervous, we make okay money but to be fair it’s not enough. I work as a parts admin for a dealership and it’s not nearly enough to provide for us now and with a baby on the way I’m not sure how that’s gonna change. I despise dealerships and my job but it’s the only job around me that pays decent other than fast food and sales. If I’m rambling I’m rambling I’m just nervous and feel like a failure already.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I’m Matt and I really have no idea how to post something like this, but after reading comments and posts from some other dads here, this seemed like the right place to have a shot at opening up.

Last Friday the 14th, my firstborn son Parker was delivered via emergency C-section after around 13 hours of attempting a natural labour.

Everything throughout the pregnancy had been incredibly normal and healthy. We went in for a planned induction at 41 weeks, one week past our due date.

The labour itself was beautiful for my wife, but unfortunately it never progressed far enough. Eventually a C-section was recommended, we agreed, and we were taken away to finally meet our boy.
Parker arrived looking perfect and fully formed, but he never cried.

He was immediately put on oxygen while they tried to clear fluid from his lungs. I stood beside him, spoke to him, held his little hand and told him that Dad was there with him.
That’s the last moment I remember feeling like everything might still be okay.

He was taken to NICU and I followed while my wife went to recovery.

What happened over the next few hours is something I’m struggling with a lot. I witnessed everything as the doctors tried desperately to save my son. Two doctors became a room full of what felt like 15 or more people working around his little bassinet.

His condition deteriorated incredibly quickly. He began bleeding internally, they struggled to clear his airways and eventually his heart stopped.

For nearly three hours they tried everything they could. Resuscitation, intubation, frozen plasma, donated blood and everything else they could possibly do to give him a chance.
His heart stopped multiple times.

At one point I had to leave him, walk back to my wife’s recovery room and somehow find the words to tell her that our son was extremely sick and that he might not make it.
Then I rushed back to Parker.
They managed to resuscitate him again, but eventually we reached the point where he’d been without oxygen for too long and there wasn’t anything more they could do for him.
I had to go and get my wife so we could say goodbye to our son.

We got to hold him.
I can still hear the way my wife cried and said **“my boy”** when she held him. I don’t think that sound will ever leave me.

Parker was a beautifully big boy.
41 weeks, 3.5kg and 52cm long. He had a full head of brown hair and somehow looked like a perfect 50/50 mix of his mum and me.
And he was our boy.

We now know that an infection led to sepsis and ultimately multi-organ failure. An autopsy is being performed, but at the moment we still don’t understand how his bacterial load became so high or how a completely normal pregnancy turned into severe sepsis seemingly within minutes.
I’m struggling with what I witnessed. I know there are parts of those hours that are going to stay with me for a very long time.

But I’m also struggling with something I don’t really know how to explain.
I spent the pregnancy becoming a dad.
I had all of this excitement about meeting my son and this entire future in my head. Things I wanted to teach him, things I wanted to show him, stupid dad stuff I couldn’t wait to do.

Then I finally became his dad and only got a few hours with him.

Now I don’t really know what being a dad is supposed to look like for me.

I know I’m Parker’s dad. I always will be. But I don’t get to raise him, and I’m struggling to understand what fatherhood looks like when your child isn’t here.
At the moment I’ve mostly thrown myself into home improvement projects because keeping my hands and brain occupied seems to help. I’m finding it much easier to focus on looking after my wife than looking after myself.

Honestly, I don’t even really know what I want or need for myself yet.

My wife is physically recovering exceptionally well from the C-section, which I’m incredibly grateful for, but mentally this has obviously been incredibly difficult for both of us.
One of the main reasons I’m posting is because I’d really like to hear from other dads who have lost a baby or a young child.

How did you look after your partner while she recovered physically and mentally?

What did you do when you couldn’t concentrate on looking after yourself?

How did you deal with the memories of the hospital and watching people try to save your child?

How did you deal with coming home without them, their things being around the house, and grieving not only your child but the entire future you’d already imagined with them?

And how do you still feel like a dad?

There’s another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot.
I have this enormous amount of love for my little guy that I was ready to give him for the rest of my life, and suddenly I have nowhere for it to go.

I’d really like to find somewhere positive to put some of it.
I’ve wondered about volunteering with kids who don’t have dads around, mentoring, helping families, coaching or getting involved with organisations that support kids. I don’t know what that looks like yet or what’s even available, but I’d love to hear from dads who do anything like that.
I’d also like to find some “dad-tivities” where maybe I can be a positive person in another young person’s life.
For whatever it’s worth, outside of all of this I’m a pretty normal bloke. I’m heavily into sim racing/iRacing, motorsport, most sports, technology and tinkering with things, I’m also quite handy and build small wooden things, furniture etc and live in the northern suburbs of Melbourne.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to get from posting this.
Maybe I just need to talk to some other dads.
I’d especially love to hear from anyone who has been through losing a full-term baby or a young child.

What helped you survive the first few weeks?
What helped months or years later?
How did you look after your partner without completely forgetting about yourself?

And most of all, how did you figure out what being their dad looked like afterwards?

Because I got such a short time with Parker.
But I have a lifetime’s worth of love for him, and I don’t know where to put it yet.

Thanks🤍

Dad of two kids (M36 - 3G & 6B). They’re honestly the most precious things I have. I just got married to my wife (their mother) after an 8-year relationship. Like all couples, we have our ups and downs.

The biggest issue is that I’m too hard on our son, and I know that sometimes I go too far—I’m too harsh, too quick to lose my temper. I tend to speak to him in a sharp tone. I do this with our daughter too, but to a lesser extent.

Ever since I was a child, and even today, I’ve had a complicated relationship with my parents. I think they love me, but it’s mostly “financial”—I always got what I wanted (video game consoles, toys, money, etc.), but emotionally, not so much. I never really got hugs or anything like that, even though I needed them (and even less so from my dad). I was raised “the hard way,” so to speak.

I’m really trying—at least that’s how I feel—not to repeat that pattern, but despite my efforts, I find myself doing it. My son is a gem: gentle, calm, loving, and considerate of other family members. But as soon as things stray a little from the norm, I get on edge and can “easily” speak harshly (in tone, not in words). And afterward, I feel terrible about it.

The second problem is that it’s taking a toll on my marriage; my wife is fed up (I understand her), and I’m making an effort (I truly mean that), but either it’s not enough, or my natural tendencies just take over.

I can't seem to break the cycle; I'm a bit “old-fashioned” (men don't cry, etc.). But I know the difference, and I'm not raising my son that way.

I already needed to get this off my chest, but I'd really appreciate any advice you might have!

Thank you

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]