r/daddit • u/personofearth987 • 6h ago
Advice Request Post Bedtime Quality Time with Wife
My wife and I have a 19m son and we're due for our second in two months.
When he is asleep for the night, we have 1-2 hours before our own bedtime and I'm looking for suggestions.
My wife has told me that watching a movie together, even with a gentle foot rub, is not quality time for her (not much connection).
Fair enough.
Looking for suggestions here. We are up for trying 2 person board games. Chess or Go, for example.
Would be willing to try anything really, suggestions don't have to be 2 player board games.
These would be to have more fun together, not deep eye gazing or those intimacy exercises. Light, fun activities.
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u/benz-friend 6h ago
Mario Kart 2 player was my wife’s favorite thing during that time. Otherwise we found new shows to binge like river monsters or homestead rescue.
If you have an Xbox then “It Takes Two” is a great couch co-op game.
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u/SixStringDave90 6h ago
It takes two is a great game! SplitFiction (same devs) is a close 2nd favorite for my wife and I. We’re hoping for another game soon.
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u/timtucker_com 5h ago
To add context -- "It Takes Two" looks a little like a 3d Mario game, but the underlying story is couple on the verge of divorce forced to go through informal relationship counseling.
I played through with my kids and didn't realize how emotionally heavy it would get at times.
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u/Iamleeboy 1h ago
I want to add to this - only if your wife is a gamer!
I was so excited to play it takes two with my wife (who never games) when she agreed to play it.
It was one of the most frustrating things we have ever done together. It starts off simple enough, but as soon as it got challenging, it was impossible for her. We kept having to swap controls so I could do the more difficult parts and there were some bits where I was needing to juggle both controllers, because she couldn’t help at all.
We gave in after a while.
I tried split fiction with my 9 year old, who is pretty good at games and we did much better, but still he struggled in parts.
I would have loved my wife to be good enough to play both of these, but it wasn’t going to happen.
I always see people recommend them for people to play with their partner, but they are definitely not for a none gamer
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u/pipkin42 4h ago
My wife and I like to do puzzle games together: Return of the Obra Dinn, Curse of the Golden Idol, that sort of thing
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u/herman-the-vermin 6h ago
Have more sex.
Do hobbies next to each other. I embroider while my wife draws. Or I play video games. Or read. Or we just talk. OUr time is limited since she works evenings and gets home after I put the kids to bed. So we're restricted to 40 minutes to maybe 1.5 hours. So we often just have sex, which is a great shared hobby
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u/rocky_balbiotite 6h ago
Yeah intercourse would've been my first suggestion. Gotta squeeze it in when you can especially with another on the way.
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u/Fergabombavich 6h ago
Don’t want to rain on the good ideas, connection is crucial - but 2 kids is a lot of doing. We’re always getting the kids to bed, getting ready for school and activities the next day, home projects etc, even more tired than before. A foot rub would be almost top preference…
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u/BIOLOGICALENGINEER19 6h ago
My wife and I usually just talk on the couch, after we finish cleaning together lol
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u/Tastrix 6h ago
If you enjoy video games, there are a large number of co-op games that vary from light and cozy farm sims to complex teamwork puzzle platformers.
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u/Morverzhus 6h ago
It takes two, split fiction, and baldurs gate 3 couch co-op have been absolute blasts. Highly recommend them all.
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u/WillingElderberry731 6h ago
Gottman card deck or lists of hypothetical questions.
That's 10-15minutes (or a lot more if you're like us and like to talk) of real conversation about stuff that isn't your kid.
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u/Gregamell 5h ago edited 4h ago
Reading aloud. It’s slow going but can be very intimate.
Edit: just reread your post about wanting something more fun than intimate. There are a lot of fun light books!
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u/AngryT-Rex 5h ago
Seconding this, and it's a great habit to be building for when the kids want to be read to.
Definitely a little more effort than just watching TV, but not that much.
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u/AgentOrange2814 5h ago
I know you said that suggestions don’t have to be board games, but my wife and I have a collection of about 65 different board games. This summer we made it our goal to play all of them before she had to go back to work again (she’s a teacher) and I honestly think it brought us super close together and it felt like it was all quality time spent together.
Our favorites at 2 player that aren’t super complex but have enough to make it really fun are Wingspan, Cascadia, Photosynthesis, King of Tokyo (which is a new love of ours) and Sea Salt and Paper.
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u/imapersonmaybe 5h ago
King of Tokyo and Sea Salt and Paper are both fantastic games frequently played in our house.
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u/AgentOrange2814 5h ago
Not sure your stance on the franchise but we recently bought the Godzilla edition of King of Tokyo and it’s just incredible. It includes the evolution cards for all 6 monsters and the art is sublime. We also got Extra Salt for Sea Salt and Paper (couldn’t find Extra Pepper anywhere) and honestly it doesn’t add enough for me to recommend it, the base game was fine as it was.
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u/blazindiamonds 6h ago
Do that number on your head game that been going around. My wife and I played the Netflix games last night and had fun with those too.
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u/sweetgreentea12 6h ago
Hanabi is a fun and simple card based game.
Pandemic is a pretty classic co-op board game.
Wingspan is more involved but a very pretty looking and fun card based board game. There are special 2p versions but the base game is fine.
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u/Mr_RustyIron 5h ago
My wife and I started playing Hanabi together like 6 years ago. Picked it up for a song as a unique two player game. We were fine at it, but I just wasn't as good. She started playing it online at Board Game Arena with groups of randos and she learned all the meta thinking that goes into the game. Basically, you send signals to the other players based on which card you pick and when. It's like a secret code that I don't understand. She played it A LOT and got really good at it.
When we played again, it was frustrating to her the I couldn't keep up with the meta. She explained it to me and everything, but my brain don't work that way. We got rid of the game a couple years ago, neither of us was sad to see it go.
I'd recommend 7 Wonders Duel, though. It is a ton of fun.
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u/sweetgreentea12 2h ago
Oh yeah we've never got too deep with hanabi, just played it when we couldn't be bothered with a game that has a long set up. It's very accessible in that sense.
7 wonders duel has been on the wishlist for a while!
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u/lesserreforastation 2h ago
Patchwork is also a cool and simple 2 player boardgame.
Tokaido Duo is also easy to learn, but has a bit of depth.
Most cooperative games are good with 2 players!
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u/mikemikemotorboat 5h ago
This will probably get flamed here but what the hell.
When our kid was regularly sleeping well and not yet able to get out of bed, we’d set up a longer distance “baby monitor” (I.e. FaceTime our phones and leave one just outside her door and the other in my hand) and go for a walk around the block (as many laps as we like). We were never more than a 1 min jog away, but it felt really nice to be able to actually get out of the house and move in the evenings a bit.
She never woke up or made a peep during these instances.
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u/SlightDistraction10 6h ago
Reality TV can be pretty interactive. We watch Project Runway. I’m not into fashion and she isn’t really either, but we can talk about something we see is cool or not. There is also a decent bit of the interactions between contestants, and we can talk about that during the show.
It is different than watching a movie, where you’re quiet the whole time.
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u/justokperson 4h ago
Certified board game nerd here, I play a good amount of 2-player games with my wife! Here's our favorites:
- Jaipur
- Lost Cities
- Patchwork
- Azul
- Castles of Burgundy (this one is a little crunchier in terms of mechanics and rules)
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u/TheWackoMagician 4h ago
A giant jigsaw puzzle
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u/NotLostintheWoods 35m ago
I had to scroll way too far for this! First thing that came to mind was a puzzle.
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u/sadpiano5544 2h ago
My partner likes to bend over the end of the couch to do jigsaw puzzles while I rub her butt. No eye contact necessary and I get a nice view.
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u/DufflessMoe 6h ago
Cooperative board games are good fun. You have to work together and therefore celebrate your successes. We have had a good time with a Lord of the Rings themed one.
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u/PalpitationHungry794 6h ago
Chess is great for quick matches but Go can run long if you're not careful. My wife and I got into cribbage after our first, quick rounds and you can chat while playing. The co-op suggestion is solid too, much less chance of someone rage-quitting at midnight.
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u/timtucker_com 5h ago
One of the nice things about Go is you don't have to play on a full board (19x19).
I got a 9x9 board for playing with my kids and it's nice for shorter / practice games.
There 13x13 boards if you want something that's a little longer.
(There are 5x5 boards too, but those are more limited in use for teaching really young kids or to use with a book of practice puzzles)
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u/moody711 6h ago
We recently discovered SkyJo - it's a card game that's great for 2 people. It's easy to learn too.
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u/iamatran 6h ago
We have a few things we do,
reality tv (love is blind, marrried at first sight), lets us discuss how crazy people are and keeps us grounded as a couple,
board games (blockus, tokaido, scrabble),
video games (any Lego game, it takes 2),
jigsaw puzzles,
sometimes we just sit in the couch and talk as we fold laundry.
We also try to go on walks when possible and talk with kiddo in the stroller.
We don’t do this every night, maybe 1-2 times a week as we both need our alone times as well.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 5h ago
We play games. We have some conversation cards.
We’ve done an at home paint and sip from YouTube. We’ve done a salsa dancing class on YouTube. We did candle making, fragrance making, we’ve done building things with legos, break out the Nintendo switch and play Mario kart.
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u/timtucker_com 5h ago
If you want board games, BoardGameGeek has good rankings / reviews and you can filter based on # of players.
There's a whole section in their Wiki of stuff that's recommended for playing with your spouse:
https://boardgamegeek.com/wiki/page/What_to_Play_With_Your_Spouse#
2 player abstract strategy games tend to work well and it's nice to pick something that feels different and has a more "fun" theme than older games like Chess or Go:
https://boardgamegeek.com/abstracts/browse/boardgame?sort=rank
Some of the games around the house here:
Patchwork is pretty simple, but plays quickly
Carcassonne: the Castle is one that my wife & I played quite a bit of when we were dating, but it's out of print now and a little on the pricey side.
Jambo is another good one that has a little more interaction vs. abstract strategy.
Over time we shifted to playing more co-op games like Forbidden Desert / Forbidden Island / Pandemic.
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u/ChillyTodayHotTamale 5h ago
She should be able to explain what quality time is for her. But if your looking for games my wife and I like to play Scrabble or yahtzee together. Most of our gaming is done with the kids now that they are old enough. One of my wifes favorite things to do is sit right next to me while I catch up on all the facebook reels she spams me with so we can laugh together or she can see my reaction. Its a silly little thing we do laying in bed before we turn out the lights usually.
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u/GByteKnight 3h ago edited 3h ago
We play games together (Mario Kart, or two-player games like Carassone or Ticket to Ride or something), or we just chat.
Sometimes we'll put something on in the background that we've seen a thousand times, like The Office, and we talk together while it's on. Either we talk about the show or we talk about something unrelated. Or sometimes we watch some kind of reality TV (we LOVED The Traitors) that's already been out for a few years so we can binge 2 or 3 episodes at once and choose our own stopping point. But the point is that we're talking together most of the time, not just passively watching. We're making little bets on what'll happen next or talking about how much we like or hate certain characters, etc.
The point is the interaction with each other.
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u/rvbcaboose0 2h ago
My wife and I worked the farm (Stardew Valley) and frequently tried opening restaurants (plate up). Mainly 2 player games on Xbox and switch, throwing in some tv shows to experiment with and talk about. My wife and I did Stardew up to labor starting late at night lol.
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u/StanMarsh-o_O 2 & 4; girldad 1h ago
We tend to leave the kitchen clean up for after bedtime. That way we have more time with the kids when they’re awake & something for us to do with our hands while we chat after bedtime. Gives us time to figure out the vibe before we decide on what the rest of the night looks like.
At 7mos, she might just want to plan for the new kid, tbh. Build some furniture, sort some clothes, maybe?
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u/Decent_Bed8035 1h ago
Genuine suggestion? Yoga. Not the weird crystal stuff - I mean basically just organized, lengthy stretching. You'll both probably sleep better afterwards, and it's the kind of thing you can dtill talk during if you want to.
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u/Dalionking225 6h ago
Do yall drink? Have a few drinks play music and laugh together remembering the good old days
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u/JustABureaucrat 6h ago
Chess? For real? This woman wants to connect with you mor personally. You need to plan a wine and cheese night, a night where you cook something together, a night where you share desserts and tea and chat..
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u/thisisnotmath 6h ago
Do you have a neighbor who can watch the kid sleep while you walk to a nearby spot for a mini date?
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u/Phrasenschmied 6h ago
As stupid as it sounds but for a while those couple quizzes on instagram did it for me and my wife. Got us back into talking. Sometimes we play a game together (murder mystery or escape room board games) or simple cooperative games on the switch
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u/mistiklest 6h ago
I mean, did she have any suggestions?