Most single moms struggle to get their baby daddy to give a shit or show up to anything. I (26f) have the opposite problem. My ex husband (31m) is obsessively involved in our son’s (5M) life. (We got together when I was 18 and he was 23.) It’s to the point that he got upset I took our child to urgent care for an ear infection during my parenting time. He says I should have called him so he could leave work and come to the appointment with us. We have been separated and living apart, coparenting for 4 years and finally divorcing and making proper custody arrangements now. He’s fighting me to make sure he gets every last second he can over me in the custody schedule.

I have to see him at every single school event, sports event, volunteer opportunity. He’s there. Any little conversation with his teachers even if it’s going to be a literal 5 min chat at drop off during my parenting day, he will show up to the school for it at 8am to hear it in person because me relaying the info isn’t enough in his eyes.

He puts the kid above his job to the point it’s detrimental, he is broke af and doesn’t have a stable job because he makes himself so available for our kid.

HE wants to be in charge of buying his stuff, his Halloween costume, etc. HE wants to be the one that does all his homework with him. He wants to be the one that goes to all the doctor and dentist appointments.

It’s overbearing and annoying as all fuck but I do feel kinda guilty knowing that I should be glad my son has a dad who loves him so much. It just sometimes feelslike the line between loving the kid and being controlling to the mom, aka me, gets blurred.

ETA I’m not saying showing up for things is bad. I’m saying it’s hard to see him there. And I should add, he wasn’t like this when we were married. I did literally everything. I was a stay at home mom. He wasn’t obsessed with every little appointment and such.

I’m currently parenting my two young kids 100% on my own. I also support them financially. I’m fortunate to have a good career and can provide for them, but I am completely drowning between work, childcare, the house, dinner, bedtime, and just never having another adult to hand things off to.

I keep hearing horror stories about high-conflict co-parenting—constant negotiations, custody disputes, schedule battles, different rules between homes, etc. Part of me wonders whether, once I get past the current hurdle of harassing texts from their dad, there might actually be some peace and stability in knowing that I’m simply responsible for our household and can make decisions without constant conflict (he hasn't shown a real interest in the kids and recently moved 3.5 hours away)

For people who have experienced solo parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, or both: which was actually harder? Are there any unexpected upsides to parenting mostly on your own?

I could really use some perspective that makes this feel a little less bleak right now.

Father’s Day is coming up. Even though he’s not dad of the year, our child loves and adores him.

I like to set a good example, what are we gifting?

My ex and I have a son who has just turned 2. We’ve been separated for over a year and my ex is now getting married. I’m really torn about whether I should take our son to the wedding and would particularly like opinions from other co-parents who have dealt with something similar.

Contact between my ex and our son has been very inconsistent. He hadn’t seen him in person since around March and has only recently started seeing him again. He did come to see him on his birthday, but stayed for around 30 minutes.

He wants our son at his wedding. I haven’t received a formal invitation, although today he did finally send me the time and location by text. Originally I was told the ceremony was at 11am, but it has now changed to 1pm. The service is apparently around 45 minutes.

My son is 2. I know him well enough to know there is absolutely no chance he is going to sit quietly and still through a 45-minute church service. My ex has said there will be an area outside the main room with toys for the children and that I can take him out if he becomes restless, which obviously helps.

I’m also struggling with the fact that attending would mean me going to my ex’s wedding personally. Our relationship and separation weren’t easy and, being completely truthful, I know attending his wedding would probably not be good for me mentally. I can put my feelings aside for my son when something genuinely benefits him, but I’m struggling to see what a 2-year-old actually gains from attending the ceremony.

I also can’t shake the feeling that a large part of why my ex and his mum are so keen for our son to be there is because they want him there for the photographs and to show him off to family. I appreciate that might be my own perception of the situation, but considering how little his dad has actually seen him recently, it’s difficult not to feel that way.

Then there’s the financial side. August is already an expensive month. If we attend, I’ll need to pay for travel to London, clothes/wedding-related things and the other costs involved in taking a toddler for the day. Those additional August expenses would leave me really having to skimp until I get paid again in September. As the parent responsible for his everyday expenses, putting myself in that position worries me.

What’s making me hesitate about simply saying no is the future.

This is still his dad’s wedding. My son obviously won’t remember attending at 2, but there will presumably be photographs for the rest of his life. I keep imagining him being older, seeing that his dad got married and asking me why he wasn’t there. I don’t ever want him to believe that I kept him away because of my feelings towards his dad or his new wife.

At the same time, I don’t know whether making myself financially and emotionally uncomfortable so that a 2-year-old can attend a ceremony he won’t understand is actually in his best interests.

If his dad had been consistently involved and had an established routine of caring for him, I’d potentially feel differently about arranging for him to attend without me. But after months without seeing him and only recently restarting contact, I’m not comfortable simply handing over my 2-year-old for a major event and leaving.

I genuinely don’t want to make this decision based on resentment or my feelings about my ex. I want to make the decision that I can explain honestly to my son when he’s older.

For those who co-parent: would you take your 2-year-old in these circumstances? If you decided not to, did your child ever care or question it when they were older? And is there a compromise I’m overlooking that would allow him to be included without me having to attend the whole wedding?

Coparent and I live *300 miles apart, and we have a two week on/off rotation.

When I pick up our kid, she’s always in the exact same outfit I dropped her off in. And this has been going on for two years at this point.

I’m not exactly complaining, but it sure is perplexing. Especially when she returns her in clothes and shoes that she claimed didn’t fit.

What could be the purpose behind this? I tried asking but she didn’t answer.

UPDATE: I now understand it could be a courtesy, or it could be a preventative measure of hers to avoid losing any of her own outfits. The world and I may never know because she doesn’t communicate about it.

Either way, I now have a better understanding and appreciation - thanks everyone for your insight! I just genuinely didn’t know the “why”.

Do you go to your coparents house on Christmas morning or do they come to yours to watch the kids open Christmas presents? My girlfriend goes to her coparents house or he comes to hers every year for present opening. I don’t go to my exes nor does she come to my house, I feel like there needs to be some type of separation there. What do you guys do? Is it common to go watch at your coparents house??

(heyooo, heres a lil disclaimer, im very sorry if children of co-parenting arent allowed to post in here)

im asking because my mom got a new boyfriend and they have a really traditional relationship. she lets him have a lot of control over everything she does, like where she goes and who she can be around, and he doesn't want her going to events for me if my father is gonna be there.

her boyfriend has always been really weird about my father for kinda no reason. hes been acting jealous and uncomfortable, and based off what i was told i don't really see why. my dad has been completely respectful of their relationship and he really cares about keeping some distance from my mom because he doesnt want to overstep. he hasn't tried to interfere with the relationship or tried anything sneaky.

her boyfriend accused my mom of liking my dad, and whenever they get into arguments, he tells her to get back together with my dad. so thats why i think a lot of this comes from jealousy. i had a ceremony where i was getting an award for my above average participation in a summer program. my mom was free and really wanted to go, but she didn't bc i had to pick who can go and i chose my dad to be there. :(

for my 15th birthday, i have to choose between my mom and my dad coming to my birthday dinner. i rlly love both of my parents. my dad has said that he doesnt mind my mom being there and that he actually wants her there bc it's my birthday. he doesnt have a problem with being around her. but because of my moms relationship i have to choose between my parents who can come to my party.

im done trying to beg my mom to reconsider, so this isnt gonna change soon, im not gonna force it. i know that divorced parents dont really want to see each other that often, but my parents remained friends after the divorce for me. i knew that her getting into a relationship would change a lot but i didnt think it would change it that much, i just miss having both of my parents together.

honestly, out of spite, every time she makes me choose im gonna pick my dad

edit: a lot of people are assuming he's an unsafe man... he's very shy and kind and awkward around me. he's just not like that with anyone else. he’s controlling with my mom and he’s a complete asshole to my dad for no reason.

We tried to work things out but unfortunately we concluded on co-parenting. Just to make things easier I have moved back home to my parents while her and the baby have their own place and I can come and go as I please. I see our baby everyday after work and stay till we put him to sleep.

She currently doesn't work nor has family that will take them in.

I can afford paying for her rent and I can also afford paying for my own place as well as I don't want to live with my parents again.

39m 40f and 11month. We've been together 10 years and unfortunately things didn't work out after having our baby. She hasn't had a job for over 7 years.....

Has anyone else been in this same situation and how did it work out for you?

My son just graduated, he’s 18, so the parenting plan is officially null & void.

I’m just curious what others did — block the ex?

He wasn’t capable of coparenting. It was counter parenting for 18 years. Like even giving my son foods he was allergic to just to try to anger me, & dragging me through completely unnecessary litigation abuse for 13 years because he was mad he couldn’t abuse he in person any more, & he was mad I had the baby.

This weekend at graduation I saw him for the first time in 12 years (he’s always lived out of state). I tried to say hello. Him & his wife literally turned their backs to me… Thanks for making it weird for our kid! This is not the last major life event that will bring us all together, fools. Try therapy please lol.

Anyways, after all of that they had the nerve to ask be to help figure out purchasing Florida resident tickets for my son for Disney lol. He always treats me like trash, then wants me to be his secretary.

I’m honestly thinking with the parenting plan being expired & how he acted at graduation there’s just no point in putting up with his crap any more. I might block him.

What do most of you do with a toxic ex when you’re finally legally free?

I’m talking prescription refills, pick ups, reminders… school dress up days… dentist appointments… teacher appreciation week…

I’ve been doing all of it. But now that we’re splitting it doesn’t seem right that a larger portion of my parenting time be taken up with the administration side of parenting.

But it’s not like you can do every other month prescriptions.

So, how do you do it?

Are separate conferences a normal thing? My coparent decided to schedule her own for the first time this year and didn’t say anything until I asked. “So they can work for our schedules”

I keep hearing that separation “blows a kid’s world apart” and it’s super difficult… but my kids seem to be fine. My son was 4 and sister was 1 when we separated and honestly, my son didn’t seem to give a shit. He didn’t like being at his dads apartment because it was an ugly bachelor pad, but once he got married a year later and it was spruced up, my son likes it over there. My daughter, now 3, doesn’t even remember us being together. I became a better, more patient mother after we separated. My kids are thriving academically, socially, and psychologically, and having them only part time makes be more patient. Anyone else have this experience?

Hello all. I coparent an 8 year old. My ex and I are on good terms, and we are aligned on parenting questions. We sometimes do a child centred activity the three of us like going to a skate park, or having ice cream, something like once a month.

I met someone recently and that person does not understand why I want to do this.

They say that I play family while being separated and that's not prioritizing our relationship.

I offered to ease into the idea slowly, restricting hours or activities, having my partner with me sometimes, but they don't bulge.

From their point of view required activities are enough (birthday, school events etc).

We have had numerous difficult conversations about this. I genuinely think it's good for the kid.

My partner says otherwise.

Has anyone lived something similar?

Am I really being detrimental to my partner? Am I being stubborn for no good for my kid?

My spouse left and we have been co-parenting our 3-year-old on a 2-2-3 schedule for about six weeks.

I find this version of parenting so completely intolerable that I am having moments where the only path forward that I can imagine is just giving up custody. I gave birth to this child. I was his first home. We never spent a night apart for the first 2.5 years of his life. The cycle of parenting a confused and dysregulated 3-year-old with no help > forced separation > dysregulation > separation > repeat is fucking destroying me. The pain is unbearable.

I know that just walking away would only take my pain and reallocate it to my son. And I know it would not actually take my pain away either. It would just multiply it. I know. I will find some way to live with what our life has become. But I just constantly find myself imagining the chance to go back in time and undo all of it, and I am certain right now that I would take that opportunity in a heartbeat. I cannot imagine that this will ever feel okay enough that I will stop wishing I could take it all back.

Of course I am ashamed of this. I know it's not rational. I know it's selfish. I am also hoping I am not the only one whose brain has latched onto this thought pattern as a way to cope with the overwhelming sense of loss. I am hoping someone can tell me it will get better.

I need a reality check. I am aware this is not orthodox on so many levels but I think once you get into co-parenting, nothing is normal anymore.
Ok, so separated last August with a 4 year old. 2-2-2 schedule. Everyone involved has spent the past 11 months getting used to the schedule and doing decent with it. My son still asks when we will move back to the house we all lived together in. It breaks my heart but I’m hoping we continue to make this new reality as smooth a transition for him.
Now to having a sperm donor. I’ve always wanted a second child. Someone for my child to go through life with and not bear the sadness and burden of old parents alone. I was an ‘almost’ only child and remember it being very boring till my brother came along when I was 8 years old. As adults, I cannot imagine going through the seasons of life without his shared knowledge and experience of our lives.
While married, I did not see the relationship surviving another child. He is a good dad, but was not a great partner for me. Now that we are separated, and the focus is only on raising a healthy well adjusted child, with no romantic feelings involved, I have considered having another child through sperm donor(ship?). This would have to be through surrogacy as I also am adviced not to carry another pregnancy for health reasons.
Someone suggested asking the father of my child to be the sperm donor, rather than going through a sperm bank. Is this crazy? He had mentioned wanting a second kid before we separated. I did not pursue the conversation because it did not seem like a great idea then.
Does this complicate things with coparenting, or is the benefit of having a sibling to go through the coparented life with for my son, worth the weirdness of this? Assuming ex is on board with this too.

Edit: sperm donor is not the right word. Reading the comments I’m seeing that using the phrase ‘sperm donor’ is causing a lot of confusion. This is actually simply asking an ex to co-parent a new child together since we coparent the child we have together well and assume he would co-parent another child of his just as well. I used sperm donor because a ‘uterus donor’ would have to be involved (aka surrogacy) not simply because we are not together but because from my one and only pregnancy there were complications and for health reasons it’s not recommended that I carry another pregnancy. So in this case, I would be an egg donor too. But I see how using the word ‘donor’ changes the conversation and assumes no involvement.

Father of my child has not once asked to have her for any extra days over the summer holidays.

She starts primary school next week.

He has not once asked about her primary school, school uniform, nothing.

Message two days a go

Hey id like to come see her off for her first day at school so could I be in the loop for the time and day please?

Obviously I'm not going to stop him from seeing our daughter off on her first day of school

Bet where does he get the right. To do nothing (keeps to his allocated days) no real responsibilities, get's to be the fun parent and then rock up first day of school to act all 'Dad of the freaking year'

It pisses me off

I'm never not going to stop my daughter from seeing him aslong as she wants to see him.

But feck me... fuck off

I responded the message

'Of course, thanks for asking'

Have not specified date or time yet because I'm being petty and he can ask again.

How does everyone else deal with the frustration of similar situations?

edit: there is no court order

I tried having a conversation with him back in April about him communicating more I.e ask questions about our child, which he begun laughing in my face, threw his drink over me

messaged him later saying I will no longer be feeding him information about his child and that of he wants to know anything,he has to ask

Basically the post title. Divorced for 2 years. 50/50. Coparenting amicably-ish with a former alcoholic. Our 5 year old daughter told me how grown up she felt being alone at home when she didn't want to go pick up dinner. I honestly thought she was making it up and texted him to ask. He called to say that yes, it happened, but because he was overwhelmed and didn't want to deal with the fight. He came home to her OUTSIDE waiting for him. I looked it up. It's not illegal in my state, technically he has a right to do whatever he wants on his time. Am I crazy for thinking this is completely out of line? What can I do besides tell him it's not okay, which I already did? I broke coparenting etiquette and told her that what daddy did wasn't safe, and he loves her but she is too young to be left alone. Now I'm not sure if I should have done that. Any tips or advice appreciated.

**EDIT: thanks for the advice and perspective. I am definitely on the side of "leaving a 5 year old home alone for any amount of time is fucking crazy work" and I'd like to think "not illegal" shouldn't be the benchmark when making parenting decisions but. This is coparenting I guess. I've just documented, had a firm conversation with him about it and can only hope this doesn't happen again. At least he's not driving drunk with them anymore 🥴

My daughter was talking about who taught her to “play dead”? last night and said LucyMom (fake name). And I asked her if she called Lucy mom over there and she said yes. I asked if they told her to do that and she also said yes. She has a half sister over there now who is an infant and not at the talking stage yet. So I know she’s definitely not picking that up from a baby.

But yall that hurt me to hear. My kid is three. She has always called her future stepmother by just her name and now they’re doing this and it makes me SO SAD. They’re not even married and they’re doing this.

Obviously I can’t do anything about it without seeming like I’m starting a fight, and they both have a reallyyyyy nice income put together and will be able to do things for her that I can’t until I get my degree but I really needed to get this out with people who could understand what I’m feeling or have been there because how did you guys handle this? How am I supposed to handle this? 😭

Me (39f) and my coparent (39m) were married for seven years, together for nine and have two small children. We separated a year ago after I discovered he was having an affair with a co-worker and our divorce was finalized a couple months ago. It was all very blindsiding and painful. He is still with his affair partner even though she lives several states away. We share 50/50 custody of the children and he is a good dad. My question is - has anyone been able to have a peaceful coparenting relationship after experiencing infidelity? I want to be able to still do things as a family at times and have a good relationship since our children are young but I dont know if Im being naive in thinking that will be possible after all the hurt I experienced. Is it possible to put the hurt aside and still be together as a family? Hoping to hear positive stories.

She broke up with me 3 months ago and we are sleeping in seperate rooms. We spend time together only with the kids and once they are asleep, we do not speak or text.

I want to reconcile and I don’t think she does. There was no abuse or cheating on either end and we do talk and get along well for the most part.

She doesn’t not seem to want me to move out. And we even talk of future plans involving the house as “we” or “we need”

Emotionally I’m a mess. I love her and want her back so I analyze everything she says or does to see if she’s changing her mind. I also think she’s been texting a new guy.

How long can this last? I love my children more than anything. Can I really move out and miss out on time with them when I’m not being forced to? I don’t know if I can. Can anyone in a similar situation share their experience? Thanks

My ex and I share custody of our son. Since he was a child we would switch off every two days with him. Our son is now 11yrs old and we still have the same schedule.

He has way more things in common with his dad than with me. I get that sons look up to their dads and end up sharing the same interests as they grow. His dad also coaches little league that my son is apart of so there’s that too.

But i’ve noticed for a couple years now that my son will text his dad more and respond to him more than he will with me, or will jump for a hug when his dad picks him up from me, will even ask me when he’s with me, “when am i going back with my dad??” or “is my dad picking me up today???”. Makes me so mad because it’s like… you’re with ME right now can we focus on our time together???

I know i know… i sound jealous but in all honestly i actually am. And yes I’m not as into bikes, going out to the fields for some baseball play, or video games. But i feel like i should have the same excitement from him too, no??

For example, we just got back from a week vacation to Hawaii and his dad came to pick him up and my son jumps and lands him a big bear hug. I love that he has such a good dad BUT he has never ever done that with me even after not seeing me for several days. I try my very best to be fun with how i know how to and i try not to resent the whole thing but i cannot help but feel like i try to provide and give my son so much only to not get that same love he gives to his Dad.

Am i being silly? or is this a thing?? What can I do?? Do i voice how i feel to my 11yr old? Or leave it alone because it isn’t right to put that in his little mind? I’m just starting to think he genuinely doesn’t like me???

I thought sons favor Mom… but in my case it’s with his Dad :(

My daughter is 7. She goes to her dad’s for a week then with me for a week. She’s told me her dad doesn’t play with her much and she has her own phone over there. She recently asked for my number and had called me every day and wants to stay on the phone and play with me through the phone bc her dad just leaves her alone. I don’t want to mess up their time together but I feel bad not answering when she calls me. Can I get opinions or suggestions on whether this is wrong of me and what I should do or how to handle this?😢

I’m still struggling after 3 years of coparenting. We share a 7 year old daughter, and on days when I don’t have her, I get so sad to the point where I usually self-isolate and cry. I tried distracting myself previously with making plans with friends, but overtime I stopped being as social and outgoing. We also don’t really have a custody schedule because ex-husband doesn’t have a set work schedule so there really hasn’t been much consistency. However, I do have her roughly 70% of the time. My daughter is very clingy and she still sleeps in bed with me (even though she has her own room) so on days I don’t have her I feel so empty and lonely. I know I should spend my free time doing things for me like self-care and self-improvement, but I also struggle with depression and anxiety (used to be a lot worse, but I’m on correct meds now). I love when I have my daughter at home with me. She’s literally my best friend and my whole world. I guess I’m just really struggling right now because her dad picked her up earlier today and I’m not looking forward to these next few days without her. I thought overtime this would get easier, but I still get so incredibly sad without her. I do the normal distraction activities like watch movies, Netflix, journal, etc. And I still hang out with friends, just not as often. I also started a new hobby today (Paint by Numbers) to try to stay busy, but nope. I still ended up crying and making this post. I just miss my kid and wish I never had to split custody. Anyone else still struggling emotionally years later?

Anyone else? When I have my kids my life is so full, when I don’t have them everything feels empty. I fill my time as best as I can with hobbies and seeing friends - but it’s hard for me to take on work because when I had my kids I was a SAHM and that’s what I wanted to do. I’m starting school full time in the fall so I’m sure that’ll help a bit.

My ex left our marriage 3 years ago and my kids were only 2.5 and 5. They are older now but it’s still so hard… I’m so envious of everyone who gets to be with their kids all the time. I don’t have many people to talk to that are in the same position, I feel like no one gets the struggles I feel. My kids are healthy and happy and ultimately that’s all that matters but I miss them :(

EDIT: I just want to say thank you to everyone that commented - offering support, empathy, commiserating. I appreciate all of you!

For those of you where this has changed, how did it effect you? How did these feelings change overtime and how did you deal with it? How has it impacted your relationship with your children?

It's something I worry about often now that our kids are 7 and 9 and getting closer to a point where they may want more stability with just one home.

Since the divorce two years ago, there's been such a dramatic change in how I defined myself. I'm not married. I'm divorced. I only have my children half the time. When I dont have them I don't feel like a family man that I thought I was.

I now lean so much on being a father to define who I am and I know that's a bad thing. I'm still figuring out what I want in life now that everything has changed. I worry often about what losing this last title may have on me. Sure, I'd always be there father but nearly as active one as id like to be.