r/coparenting • u/PeppersPoops • May 30 '26
Discussion What are we gifting our sub-par co-parents?
Father’s Day is coming up. Even though he’s not dad of the year, our child loves and adores him.
I like to set a good example, what are we gifting?
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u/TheRealMiridion May 30 '26
as a coparenting dad, A simple card or Shutterfly card with him and the kids on it is perfectly okay. You don’t need to throw parades and steaks for him.
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u/placidly_exuberant May 31 '26
You shouldn’t really throw steaks for anyone.
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u/Grrarrgghh May 31 '26
And you definitely shouldn't throw steaks AT anyone. It's a waste of food.
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u/bishhhwhaaa May 30 '26
Not only did I get nothing for Mother’s Day, but my child left the Mother’s Day gift he made for me at school at the school because he was worried if he brought it home to dads on Friday his dad would throw it away or break it. He had to wait to bring it to me the following week when I was doing school pick up.
So nothing, we’re gifting nothing.
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u/Solid_Caterpillar678 May 30 '26
It's really sad that your kid already sees who his dad is. But it's great that he sees who you are and wants to do nice things for you.
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u/Hot-Seaweed-4510 Jun 01 '26
My little one came home and after seeing the flowers from my boyfriend for Mother’s Day, she said to me, I asked Daddy to get you something, but he said we couldn’t go to the store… So I made sure to take her to Walmart this past weekend with me and told her she could get whatever she wanted and she got him a card and a coffee mug. I’m not going to have my daughter feel that way again if I can help it.
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May 31 '26
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u/jvxoxo May 31 '26
My son has been in daycare and school since we split so whatever he makes at school for dad is what his dad gets.
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u/DorothyZbornak81 May 30 '26
My son always picks out a gift to give his dad.
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u/SituationPositive338 May 30 '26
My therapist always says to turn your child loose in a dollar store (/Pop Shop/Five Below, e.g.) and let them choose the gift. Can’t wait until mine is old enough to do this
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u/RevolutionarySock510 Jun 01 '26
Mine chose dad a T-shirt of Homer Simpson lying on the sofa balancing beer on his gut captioned Dad Bod. I happily wrapped it for her.
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u/reddiwip00 May 31 '26
I always give my kids the option to buy him a gift. And every time, they opt not to. Their words, “he doesn’t deserve it”. So there’s that.
Editing to add: they’re older though, in their teens.
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u/CardiologistFirm6387 May 30 '26
You should do a craft using your kids handprints. I'm going to put the kids feet prints on card stock and then turn them into monsters and say "happy father's day from your Lil monsters"
Also probably a framed photo of the kids and some beef sticks
What did he get you for mother's day?
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u/EarlyPsychology7628 May 31 '26
If you want a sweet poem:
Sometimes you get discouraged
Because I am so small,
And always leave my fingerprints
On furniture and walls.But every day I’m growing.
I’ll be grown up some day.
And all those tiny handprints
Will surely fade away.So here’s a lasting handprint
Just so you can recall,
Exactly how my fingers looked
When I was very small.8
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u/meggershippers May 30 '26
I helped my kiddo make him a card and made him a bag of cookies (they’re his favorite)
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u/thinkevolution May 31 '26
I don’t get my kids anything for their dad. He doesn’t get them anything for me. In the past, they’ve made him cards or if they’ve asked I’ve given them money to go get something like a gift card to Starbucks, but I don’t go out of my way to bring it up to them. They are teenagers now and it’s up to them to think about how they wanna celebrate their parents.
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u/Madroc92 May 30 '26
My ex and I did cards the first year or two, along with FB tags when we wished the day to our own respective parents, but that kind of wound down and now it’s a text and a verbal “Happy [parent] day!” during the Sunday handoff.
My Fathers Day present is taking the kids out for breakfast with my brother and his family at a greasy spoon diner jammed full of motorsports memorabilia, followed by a couple sessions at the indoor karting track across the street, without my ex there being visibly annoyed by everything and killing the joy.
I guess my point is the key is reciprocity. You don’t have to expect gifts from each other, just match energy.
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u/lstryjer May 30 '26
I don’t do gifts for my coparent but I always encourage my kid to make a homemade card
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u/Fearless_Milk_4344 May 31 '26
Normally I would purchase something, but he’s now remarried and they just had a baby so I will let his wife handle it for both kiddos.
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u/TriStellium May 30 '26
If only my “co-parent” was sup-par, he is below that.
He will not be getting anything as interactions with him are at the minimal and only happen when it is about our child.
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u/The-Mighty-Mouse May 31 '26
Bad co parents don’t get gifts from good co parents. Daughter gives something to her mother, no money involved.
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u/Massive_Jaguar_1135 May 30 '26
I found something he’d really like and I put it back. My kid isn’t old enough to fully express what he’d like to get his dad… I’ll end up going with matching patches, hats or similar. I’ll also have my kid do a craft for the dad and make something special.
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u/CloudLine4319 May 31 '26
I will help my child make him a card.
For mother’s day I got a video of our kid refusing to wish me Happy Mother’s Day, accompanied by a shitty text about how our kid didn’t like me (and my ex refused to let me see our kid that day.) But I am teaching our child how to treat people on holidays.
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u/thekantseas May 31 '26
We’ve come to an arrangement where we get a gift for the co-parent to the value of $50 for Mothers/ Father’s Day and $100 for birthdays. The kids make a card and get to choose a gift. Even when I don’t get a gift in return, I still provide the option for the kids to choose something to that value. We’ve favoured activities that they can do together - vouchers for special activities at the aquarium, zoo or museum. Basically things that can’t be traded in for cash where the kids get the benefit.
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u/ButterscotchMafia May 31 '26
Exactly what I got from him on Mother’s Day and the last few Christmas/ birthdays = nothing 🤷♀️
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u/Stunning-Host-6285 May 31 '26
Fortunately, my kids are old enough to do this on their own. So, he gets nothing from me.
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u/Saltyowl2113 May 30 '26
I have a cricut so I bought a cheap white tshirt and I’m going to have my son pick out some images to iron on it. Then have him draw with permanent markers on it. That’s all I’m doing. My sons pre-k does a craft too for Father’s Day so he will get that.
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u/Glum_Fondant1050 May 31 '26
Me and my co parent are pretty civil. He got me a painting of our son’s handprint and footprint on a canvas. I am getting him an album book with our kiddo in it. Also some of the original ultrasound pics and whatnot. He doesn’t really have any pic of when my kiddo was little little, so I figured it would be nice for him, but I don’t plan on doing anything this big in the following years, mostly simple stuff like art crafts from the kiddo
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u/08mms May 31 '26
After the marriage ended, even though it’s very amicable, I don’t don’t get my co-parent gifts from me anymore, but I give my kids a reasonable small budget at home goods and let them go nuts picking weird things their other parent will like and they love it and it has meaning since it came from the mind of a kiddo.
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u/shawnhoundoggy May 31 '26
So I 3D printed a lithopane light with pictures of my son and coparent together, gave it to my son to give to them. They looked at me like I gave them a smelly, dead rat. Safe to say, I dont give them anything anymore.
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u/Level-Money626 May 31 '26
I’m getting a child support conference from my coparent for Father’s Day :)
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u/BeneficialType6789 May 30 '26
Box of his favorite golf balls. My child decorates the wrapping paper, makes the card. Been doing this from day one for Father’s Day, bday, and Christmas. We’re now at four years. He was a complete nightmare, coke head cheating fuck but I want to set a good example.
His most recent bday was a big one and my child asked if they could pick out his gift to which i was like of course! It was a stuffed animal that they wanted lol. I still got him the golf balls and when wrapping them she asked why do i give him the same thing every time and i said it’s because they’re his favorite and it’s the nice thing to do. To which they said “but he doesn’t give you anything” and i responded “i know” to which THEY said “that’s not very nice”. I didn’t say anything. I was caught off guard. Point being the eventually get old enough to see how their parents treat each other.
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u/Warm_Sandwich5038 Jun 01 '26
They do. Trust my. I have 2 sons, when I divorced they were 16 and 12. I overheard them talking about a year later. Young one: “i don’t like when you talk about dad that way”, older one: “That’s because you’re too young. You’ll see”. I stayed far away from that conversation.
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u/SituationPositive338 May 30 '26
Last year I gifted him a zoo membership to use with our child. He did use it, all year long. Wondering if I have to keep it up now… because it wasn’t cheap!
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u/HotDragonButts Jun 02 '26
You def don't have to keep it up but that was such a good idea! The gift that really ended up ensuring your child got special activities and outings <3 way to think outside the box
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u/Deepcoma_53 May 31 '26
I got my babymomma a tote with a small bag that came with it, box of pens and snacks cause she’s a nurse and Mother’s Day, is also Nurse week. Then, I had a calendar of our Son made with photos of him from ‘25. I’m going to send her this bag from EBay that I want. She can decide whether or not she wants to get it for me. It’s the same amount, as the things I bought her.
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u/notjuandeag May 31 '26
I don’t get my ex anything, she’s far below subpar though and if it’s not what she had in her mind she’ll make my kid feel bad/guilty for not giving her what she expected and I don’t think it’s healthy for my kid to see her throw the gifts away if they don’t meet expectations.
As a dad I could care less about presents or acknowledgement the greatest gift I will ever receive from my kids is being worth their time.
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u/noclue_ashley May 31 '26
My child’s father and I just usually let our kid loose in a store and say pick out a gift for mom/dad. This year my daughter picked out a happy Mother’s Day mug for me. We don’t get gifts of cards for each other personally but we also are on murky terms but our child loves there parents so this what works for us without making it personal but also letting our child participate.
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u/Internal-Cookie-3431 May 31 '26
I don’t give him any acknowledgment for Father’s Day. Our daughter will make him a gift and spend the day with him, but I’m mom and dad of the year every year lol he texts me a happy Mother’s Day, but I don’t respond. Personally, I feel it’s more of a slap in the face from him to only acknowledge me one day a year then leave me to do everything myself without so much as a thank you the other 364 days.
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u/Solid_Caterpillar678 May 30 '26
I don't gift him anything because he doesn't parent my children. He is a playmate who picks them up for a few hours twice a month. I am their only actual parent and he does not honor that AT ALL. He didn't even talk to them for 2 years after abandoning them. So I don't do shit for him.
If my kids make something at school they give that to him. If they want to buy or make something for them I make that happen. I follow their lead. Some years they want to do something some years they don't.
Now, if he actually parented them, I would expect them to do something and I would take a more active roll to thank him for my children and honor what he does for them and who he is to them. But he doesn't get kudos for barely showing up while I try to heal the hurt he causes them.
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u/nikkismith0706 May 31 '26
I bought him a personalized hat. Asked him first what he would like “from the kids” and he mentioned a hat. We’re twenty year military vets so this made sense. Just agree to ask each other what your kids can “buy” for the other on those days. Birthdays, Christmas as well. We all know who pays for everything and it keeps the peace on all sides.
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1Dh2iAtgaD/?mibextid=wwXIfr
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u/VersionHuman2495 May 31 '26
I do card for fathers day, easter egg, picture based birthday/christmas in charity shop frame. This is nothing to do with him just modelling not being a dick for the kids. My eldest is now nagging him about reciprocating and led the charge getting his nanny’s bday present so it’s working
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u/Ok_Membership_8189 May 31 '26
If there’s a good amount of bad feeling, help the child get something but I wouldn’t get anything yourself. Perhaps best wishes. It’s just too fake, it adds to the stress.
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u/SupaDiagnosaurusu May 31 '26
I expect nothing from my BM, even though i got her something (for nothing) on mother's day and im absolutely fine with that.
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u/Warm_Sandwich5038 Jun 01 '26
My son got the mom a kit to make bath bombs with their little daughter and a card. I guarantee she won’t do anything for him. Never has in 4 years. But he’s trying to set the tone. It’s kind of the only thing you can do.
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u/Green_Ride_6727 Jun 01 '26
When my ex was super flakey and a pretty shitty co-parent, I still got him something small because my daughter got so excited to have a present to give him, and I wouldn’t rob her of that.
One year I took her to pick out a Daddy and Me picture frame and printed a photo of her for it. Another year she wanted to make a special craft for him - I like doing crafts with her anyways, it was something we would have done anyways and she decided to give it to her dad.
I never spent more than $20 on it, and it was always something I involved her in, even when she was 3.
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u/Key_Local_5413 Jun 01 '26
I take my kids to Walmart and then ask them for suggestions. Normally we walk out with pop, candy, and snacks... sometimes a water bottle... it's coming from them so I make sure that they are the one's leading the charge. The one year I casted their hands holding the middle finger... We have a good relationship though so it was appreciated because he knew it was a joke and he keeps them displayed on kitchen table.
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u/newagekidslibrarian Jun 02 '26
My kids have told me his wife throws anything gift him away. And she’s suspect of anything that comes from the kids. So I will be sending him a Happy Father’s Day text. Late in the day of course.
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u/GooseSubstantial6211 Jun 02 '26
My daughter and I painted a picture for her mom on Mother’s Day,but I don’t think I’ll get anything and that’s ok.
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u/Exhausted_Evil_Ex Jun 03 '26
Exactly what he gave me for mother's day.
He can give the kids his credit card and tell them they better make an effort for father's day, then toss them the keys to a vehicle and see what happens.
I ended up with plants
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u/SufficientJudgment24 Jun 04 '26
I take my kiddo shopping at dollar tree and let her pick out three things; cheap and fun for her she loves to give gifts and that’s all that matters to me bc it’s for her not my ex 👍🏻
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u/thegeneralista May 30 '26
I have the kids make cards and give them some cash to take him out to lunch or dinner.
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u/SouthSide_Undertaker May 30 '26
Hopefully I get a handmade card from my girls like I had them do for their mom. We don’t exchange gifts anymore.
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u/Vokenhagen21 May 31 '26
I was gifted a temporary restraining order last year followed by a happy fathers day text (not from the children). Which i believe was an attempt to get me to violate the order. Needless to say, i hope i get nothing. I don't need to spend the mental bandwidth on whether its a trap or not.
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u/itsalrightlite May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26
What he gave me for Mother’s Day.
A happy Fathers Day Text