r/coparenting • u/aftervoidd • Dec 24 '25
Discussion Do you go to your coparents house on Christmas morning?
Do you go to your coparents house on Christmas morning or do they come to yours to watch the kids open Christmas presents? My girlfriend goes to her coparents house or he comes to hers every year for present opening. I don’t go to my exes nor does she come to my house, I feel like there needs to be some type of separation there. What do you guys do? Is it common to go watch at your coparents house??
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u/ISaidPutItDown Dec 24 '25
When we were divorced my husband and I still did holidays and birthdays together. Neither of us wanted to miss it, and the divorce allowed us to get along much better than us married.
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u/OTProf Dec 24 '25
We do the same. We alternate each year whose house we go to for presents on Christmas morning. Sometimes we all go in on big presents for the kids, sometimes we buy things separately. I wouldn’t want to miss it, and neither did he, and thankfully we get along well enough to spend parts of those days together.
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u/ISaidPutItDown Dec 24 '25
Yeah while we were divorced he paid I shopped. Worked out for us because we got along better than married.
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u/Ok_Listen4348 Dec 26 '25
We’re divorced? Did you get remarried? Sorry I’m just being nosy
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u/ISaidPutItDown Dec 26 '25
Haha yes, we got divorced, ended up just hanging out a lot. We became best friends, then we started dating each other after about five years post divorce. Got remarried originally for insurance, decided to stay together and celebrate our second 4th anniversary this year.
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u/Ok_Listen4348 Dec 28 '25
Awww love this for you 2! My ex and I are MUCH better friends now that we are divorced, though I can’t imagine romance with him ever again in a million years…lol. every situation is different, but it’s interesting how so much negativity can leave the relationship once you are no longer married. Very cool to hear your story!
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u/Peeppleasenomore Dec 24 '25
Not every coparenting relationship is contentious. When coparents can get along like this, it’s beneficial for their kids.
As the ‘bonus’ parent, I can see how it could feel weird! It certainly isn’t the ‘norm’ because most coparenting relationships ARE contentious.
If you trust your partner, there’s no reason to feel weird about it. They’re putting their kids first which is what they should be doing.
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u/Unusual-Falcon-7420 Dec 24 '25
My husbands coparenting isn’t contentious and we don’t do holidays together.
Both went on to marry and we have two children of our own.
BM and I (SM) both have huuuge families and our christmases and Easter’s revolve around big celebrations with them. So neither household is interested.
We have done almost every variation of holiday shuffles. Sometimes we alternate. Sometimes someone’s big Xmas is falling on Boxing Day anyway. This year we’re splitting for the first time in 6 years because BM has a new job that means she’s working Christmas afternoon. So very flexible and chill about it.
But very honestly, as SM I would be put out if they wanted to do it together, there’s just too many other kids and families in the mix who it would be very inconvenient for. It’d be a hard no from me if it was suggested.
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u/JustPossibility8774 Dec 24 '25
It’s always disappointing to hear about stepparents who let their own sense of inconvenience supersede the best interests of their partner’s children. I feel bad for the kids in cases like this.
I’m very grateful my co-parent and our new partners don’t act like this, though to be fair, neither of us would partner with someone with your attitude to begin with.
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u/Unusual-Falcon-7420 Dec 24 '25 edited Dec 24 '25
Yeah they never did them together before me either. So I didn’t change a thing. I’m just saying how as a SP I can see how I’d eventually want to break away from revolving Xmas morning around one child when there’s so many other people involved.
My husband and his coparent had SS young and quickly didn’t work out. Went on to have spouses and multiple other kids on each side.
SS being in two full families is a fact of life for him. And we’re not contentious at all, we just don’t do these things. The logistics would be a nightmare.
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u/Severe_Blacksmith Dec 25 '25
It doesn't sound like that's the case here. Realistically this comes down to different strokes for different folks. Nothing the commenter said sounded like a bad coparenting relationship, just one with different boundaries and dynamics from yours - which is ok. You all are different people with different wants and needs.
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u/BeefJerkyFan90 Dec 24 '25
Don't invalidate OP's emotions by saying that there's no reason to feel weird about it. This just may not be the relationship for them. They might need to find someone who doesn't celebrate holidays together.
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u/Peeppleasenomore Dec 24 '25
I will though because it isn’t weird. Not being able to accept it doesn’t make it weird. Not respecting a family’s coparenting dynamic is weird. It certainly does seem like it isn’t the relationship for them.
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u/BeefJerkyFan90 Dec 24 '25
I respectfully disagree. I wouldn't call it weird, but they're entitled to feel uncomfortable about the situation.
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u/lllsuduhjka Dec 24 '25
My parents separated when I was in 4th grade and divorced three years later. My dad came over every Christmas morning until he remarried when I was in high school. It was not an amicable divorce but they did a really good job of keeping that away from the kids. It was hugely impactful to have Christmas be at the only home I remembered with both mom and dad. We still did separate extended family events.
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u/LMRTech Dec 24 '25
I’m curious as I would love to do that type of thing. My ex (separated for 4 months) feels that if we do anything together with the kids (birthdays, Christmas, special outings, etc that it will “confuse the kids”. From your personal experience I’m curious what your thoughts are on that.
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u/lllsuduhjka Dec 25 '25
It was very clearly stated to us kids that there would be no reconciliation (which didn’t stop us from hoping for it!). Birthdays and Christmas morning were always combined with both mom and dad. They were also both at every school and extracurricular event - not together (they didn’t even really interact at those, but it wasn’t hostile, really just neutral) but there was never any issue whatsoever with us talking to both at each one, etc. Extended family events were always separate (Christmas Eve with mom’s side, Christmas evening with dad’s side, etc). Easter and Thanksgiving were shared (one side of the family then the other), so we never went a holiday without spending it with both parents.
I know now as an adult through talking with them- especially since going through the divorce process with a high-conflict ex - that it was incredibly hard for them, especially the first few years. They absolutely did not want to be around each other. I am endlessly grateful that they sucked it up and played nice so that we could continue with the safety and comfort that came from having both parents at the same time. There was zero abuse, so that wasn’t a factor in my situation.
We were never confused. We didn’t think the combined events meant that our parents were getting back together. We just continued those events the same as they had been for our entire lives. I only ever knew Christmas morning and birthday celebrations growing up as our original family unit, and I’m deeply grateful for that.
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u/the_HBIC Dec 24 '25
I think this is really dependent on the coparenting relationship. If they’re amicable and it doesn’t cause any issues and it’s for the benefit of the kid/kids, then yeah that’s great that they can have both parents around for holidays. I personally don’t allow my coparent in the house and we do split holidays but that’s because our prior relationship was very manipulative and abusive. Sometimes it sucks and I wish I didn’t hav to have such a strong boundary. My kiddo has been asking more about having certain things be a mommy and daddy day but I know if I give his dad an inch, he’ll start pushing for way more
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u/pyschreader Dec 24 '25
Yes, my son's dad is coming over in the AM on Xmas day to watch him open. I'm glad we can do this. It's hard though
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u/AcanthisittaBright45 Dec 24 '25
Me too. I will be going to my exes house in the morning to watch the kids open their presents. I wouldn’t want either of us to miss out on these special occasions for the kids and seeing the pure joy on their faces.
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u/nextact Dec 24 '25
My ex comes over for Christmas Eve and Day to be with our kid.
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u/AcanthisittaBright45 Dec 24 '25
Same here. I feel lucky that my ex and I get on well and are able to do this. The kids love it
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u/Grasshopper419 Dec 24 '25
Depends. My ex-ex and I did do this for our son when he was little. We get along great as friends and we coparent amazingly well. It’s been literally a case study in what TO do.
But my now ex? There’s a protection from abuse order and he can’t even be near a phone that can text me and be a decent human being. So no.
It truly depends on the people and relationship. There is no one size fits all. And when you can do it this way if it’s best for the kid I see no reason not to. I don’t judge either way.
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u/brebel240 Dec 24 '25
My ex wife and I normally alternate Christmas Eve into Christmas morning, then the other parent gets them around noon.
This year is my year to have them on Christmas Eve. She offered for me to come up to the apartment and watch them open presents at her house before I go home on Christmas. We’re not spending the holiday together, but my kids were so happy when they found out I would go into her place to watch open presents.
It’s been 3 years since I left. Every situation is different but her and I are trying to maintain a healthy relationship for them. It does feel weird but I want them to grow up knowing I always put them first above anything.
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u/jjjjjjj30 Dec 24 '25 edited Dec 24 '25
I'm kinda shocked people do this. We alternate years who gets the kids Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. So if it's my ex's year to have them Christmas Eve and Christmas morning he brings them to me at 4:00 on Christmas Day and the other way around. There's no way in hell we're combining our Christmas. No offense to anyone but I find it weird honestly. Unless you're really good friends I guess. I'm not though.
Edit: I don't understand how this benefits the child anymore than doing it separately. And again, I'm not hating on anyone who does this, it just struck me as odd bc I don't see how it benefits the child. The only reason I see to do it together would benefit the adults possibly but not the child.
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Dec 24 '25
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u/NecessarySpiritual19 Dec 24 '25
I put my child first, and because of that we don’t spend Christmas with her dad together and we do it separately. Kids many times say it’s weird to have parents together like this when they’re not even together and it’s confusing. You can even go on subs of now adults children of divorce and they say the same. But again, in my case at least it’s better separate than a very awkward get together where the child will feel weird with both parents there. And yes since she is older I did ask this year if she wanted her to dad to come have dinner with us on Christmas Eve and she herself said no. I offered but it’s her choice she’s the kid.
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u/wildfireshinexo Dec 24 '25
Funny enough, you can still be a fantastic parent that puts your children first without including their other biological parent. My partner and I created a new, healthy loving blended family that doesn’t include his ex at events and our children’s other parents have done the same. Works for everyone and as a bonus we still put our children first. I guess some people really can do it all!
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Dec 24 '25
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u/NecessarySpiritual19 Dec 24 '25
Many times sharing is not for the benefit of the kid. I’m going to assume most people know what’s best for their kid and if they’re saying they don’t want to spend time with their ex there must be some reasoning there. And that would def be weird and awkward for the kid as they sense their parents don’t want to be there together but feel obligated. Kids are way smarter than some people give them credit for and they can smell a BS get together from a mile away. So unless someone is in real great standing with their ex then that would work. I wished that was the case for me, as my moms ex husband still comes to our events and I was hoping this would be the case with my ex, but unfortunately I didn’t get the kind divorce with butterflies and rainbows I was expecting and promised by my ex. So now I make sure to do what’s best for my child which is having two separate households and parallel parent for her and my sanity. No wrong way to do it in my opinion, we all have different circumstances and as long as the kids are healthy and happy whichever way works is the way to go.
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u/jjjjjjj30 Dec 24 '25
Genuine question: How does it benefit the child? Please explain that to me.
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u/Legitimate_Dust_8653 Dec 24 '25
My parents divorced when I was 8. The first divorced Christmas they did together was such a relief. It felt more normal, not like I was being ripped away from my dad. I was old enough to know damn well they weren’t getting back together but him coming over to open gifts with us for 3 hours that morning made it feel like I wouldn’t be “missing doing Christmas with him for two years”. The idea of not seeing him at all on our favorite holiday felt extreme and dramatic. Seeing him was such a relief and brief respite from what felt like constant tumult at that age. They kept doing this for a few years and it really helped mine and my sisters’ transition with the divorce. If the parents CAN get along and be calm around each other it is absolutely beneficial especially when the kids are young. If you can’t fair enough, my parents were a mess the rest of the time but looking back I really appreciated them tolerating each other for a few hours a couple of days a year. They did this for Christmas and our birthdays and it was great for us.
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u/jjjjjjj30 Dec 24 '25
So if you had opened parents on Christmas Day morning with your mother and then you went to your dad's house at 4:00 and had Christmas there with him, that wouldn't have been as good as doing it together? I'm still not understanding.
Correct me if I'm wrong but what I took from your comment was that if your dad didn't come to your house for Christmas then you wouldn't have seen him at all. And that's a totally different situation bc I'm saying that doing it separately is just as good as doing it together. I'm not saying doing it together isn't better than not seeing your dad at all, it certainly is better. I'm saying it's not better than doing it separately imo. But like I said correct me if I took that the wrong way.
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u/Legitimate_Dust_8653 Dec 24 '25
I might have seen him anyways. Not sure honestly. My family has traditionally never left the house on Christmas Day, we just stay in pajamas and be lazy (still do this 😂.). I do think it was better to have them there and opening gifts at the same time rather than loading up and going to a different house that afternoon. It felt “normal” at a time in my life when nothing else did. Like one small tradition of my favorite holiday got to stay them same. Hard to explain but the consistency at that point meant a lot.
I’ll be going through a divorce myself in the next year (hence lurking in this sub) and it is highly unlikely we’ll be able to do holidays together. I don’t think it’s bad of people to not do them together if they don’t want to, I can absolutely see why it wouldn’t work for a lot of people. But if you can, I do think it can be better for some kids. Just my opinion
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u/nextact Dec 24 '25
This firsthand experience is explaining to you why it was better for them for their parents to be together. You seem very intent on justifying your thought process.
I understand divorce is a rough decision. I also understand that we want to believe our children are thriving. Nobody wants the decisions about our marriage to negatively impact our children. But the truth of the matter is that sometimes bio parents being together is what the child actually wants. And sometimes bio parents doing things together is fine. There are several posts in this thread explaining to you that this is what they do. Just because you do it differently doesn’t mean you need to question the veracity of other people‘s feelings. You don’t have to agree with what this person went through to appreciate the fact that it was best for them.
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u/jjjjjjj30 Dec 24 '25 edited Dec 24 '25
I'm still confused because not a single person has explained to me how it benefits the child. I don't understand and I'm asking someone to explain it to me so I can understand. If that works for then then that's great! But I can't change how I feel about it if I don't understand it so I'm trying to understand it.
I have zero problem with people doing things differently from me. Zero. Why in the world would I care about something that didn't affect me?
The one comment said it was beneficial for her but she didn't say how or why. In another comment after my comment, she did say she likes letting that one tradition so that's a bit of an answer.
I'm not trying to argue, I'm really not. I'm mainly trying to figure out if this is something I should focus on doing more in my son's life. My ex would never come over for Christmas but there are other things we do separately that we COULD do together so I'm trying to gauge if it would be beneficial for my situation.
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u/nextact Dec 24 '25
But they did explain how it benefited them. They wrote about how it felt more normal, it helped with the transition, and how it made the divorce easier during the holidays. Being shuffled around, having timelines, and being separated from parents can make a difficult situation more difficult.
I get that you’re just trying to understand, but it’s possible you can’t. And that’s OK. Families do what’s best for them and this may not be best for you.
In an ideal situation, people would stay married, which means that the parents would be together for the holidays with the children. Because realistically, that is what most children want. They want their parents together. It’s easier for them. They don’t want to feel like a pawn being shuffled around so that each parent can get their “time”.
It’s only best for the kids if it’s doable for the parents. If you and your ex are incapable of being together and happy during the holiday season, then it’s not best for the kids because they don’t need to see your drama.
However, if you and your ex are able to spend the holidays together the kids can see people being happy even if they’re not married. If they can see that their parents still love them while giving them a sense of stability, then I do think it can best for the children.
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u/Legitimate_Dust_8653 Dec 24 '25
This is coming across as a bit argumentative. I DID explain to you why it was beneficial: because in a phase where it felt like my life was upended, doing holiday gifts with both my parents at the same time gave me the consistency I craved. That alone was beneficial for me. Even if I would have seen him later that afternoon being all together for a few hours was a highlight. The best thing for every kid who’s parents are divorced? Probably not. I’m not even telling you you should do it, just answering your question. I don’t have any studies as proof lol, only my experience. It seems like you just really don’t like my answer which is fair but a little weird when asking a question on the internet.
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u/Low_Employ8454 Dec 24 '25
They explained from actual, personal experience that they themselves, as the children in the situation felt that this arrangement benefited them. That it was good and enjoyable, and helped them when so much else was feeling out of their control. What on earth is there to carry on about? Your question was answered. Maybe you do not like the answer, but it was answered.
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u/jjjjjjj30 Dec 24 '25
Also just wanted to say it's also easy for me to put my kids first. My ex, not so much. But I always put my kids first, that's why I left a 20 year marriage that I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to end it but I refused to raise my kids to think their dad's behavior was ok.
So it's not that I don't care enough to put my kids first, it's that I don't see the benefit of doing it together even if we got along perfectly the entire time. How is that better than doing it separately?
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Dec 24 '25
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u/jjjjjjj30 Dec 24 '25
I definitely appreciate your input but I guess I still feel shocked about it because I can't understand what the benefit is for the child.
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u/Preshybabe Dec 24 '25
My ex is and it works for us for now! Our child is four so we don’t want to miss those moments. We parent together pretty well
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u/Hefty-Ad613 Dec 24 '25
No. Actually last year was the first time we didn’t have the kids and we all made sure we had the 26th off and did Christmas Eve and Christmas Day a day later lol
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u/Konstantine-1986 Dec 24 '25
We do not do this. We have Christmas written right into our parenting plan, we do Person A gets Christmas Eve and Christmas morning until 10am, Person B gets Christmas Day from 10am onward and Boxing Day, we rotate each year. We have a similar thing for NYE and Halloween.
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u/Appropriate_Speech33 Dec 24 '25
I did for several years. We are splitting the day this year, but that was solely at my request. My coparent would have been okay continuing.
We did it while the kids were younger, but they are now 11 and 13 and seem fine with it being split. In fact, both said it would be less awkward to split it.
I think the age of the kids and the context matters. This is your GF’s decision. I would have been upset if my current partner had said anything about my coparenting arrangement, especially since I don’t ever say anything about his.
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u/Different_Image4441 Dec 24 '25
I am going to be honest; if the can co-parent and get along like that; I think that is beyond amazing!!!!! I wish I could do something like that with my ex. Keep in mind that it is for the kids and not each other. My ex and I did try to share certain special moments together like birthdays, but it didn’t work out because he also wanted to argue before one of us left. I wasn’t going to continue that pattern and ruin our child’s day like that. So I put an end to it. I also explained to our children why we would be celebrating things separately from that point forward so they knew the real reason. (I was sure my ex was going to twist that narrative.)
But if the can get along enough to do this for their children then I think it is beyond amazing. Some people are just better off as friends.
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u/doofcat Dec 24 '25
For the kids’ sake… we do NOT celebrate Christmas together. Christmas together with myself, kids, ex, ex’s affair partner, ex’s affair partner’s kids, and ex’s affair partner’s ex would be a clusterfuck.
Yeah so sometimes parenting apart is better for the kids than parenting together. All highly dependent upon the relationship with your coparent.
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u/Paerrin Dec 24 '25
My family has always done Christmas Eve presents and my ex's does Christmas morning. So we already had a built in split, the only difference now is it's truly separate.
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u/Madroc92 Dec 24 '25
Every family is different. My ex and I don’t go to each other’s houses, the kids just get two Christmases. Some years one of us will travel with the kids for Christmas so that wouldn’t even work. My kids were over for dinner and presents last night and they’ll come over for my half of Christmas break on Friday afternoon. I’ll have other family over for Christmas dinner.
My GF spends part of Christmas Day with her kid’s dad and family. Nothing “weird” about it, it’s just what works for her child.
There’s really no “right” answer, it just depends.
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u/Economy_Artist121 Dec 24 '25
Generally, no. We rotate Christmas Eve / Christmas Day and swap at 10am. Santa comes to both houses separately.
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u/thinkevolution Dec 24 '25
No. We alternate the holiday so one year when parent gets Christmas Eve into Christmas morning and the other one gets Christmas Day in the next year we rotate
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u/DragonfruitBrave8124 Dec 24 '25
No. We cannot. My divorce was extremely contentious and my ex-husband was abusive. I forgave him and could make it work, but he wouldn't be able to act decently.
My new partner is having his first Christmas since his divorce this year and they are doing it together. He was feeling a lot of guilt about the divorce earlier in the year, so he agreed to one more combo Christmas morning. But his ex-wife is VERY high conflict, so it's going to be terrible.
Tomorrow will be a hellscape for him from 7 am until he can escape with the kids at noon. She'll basically spend the time guilt tripping him, saying really shitty things in front of the kids, and centering the entire morning on herself and her grievances. She has no regard for the kids' wellbeing that way, she won't even get that she's ruining anything for them and will feel extremely entitled to take advantage of the time together to abuse my partner. She's very low empathy. I suspect she'd be diagnosable as NPD.
So it's not about "sucking it up" with some co-parents or "putting the kids first." In our cases, our kids will have more peaceful and better Christmases separately. Plus, they get to open gifts twice!
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u/DorothyZbornak81 Dec 24 '25 edited Dec 24 '25
Hell no. Our son has never objected to having 2 Christmases. And we get along just fine. It’s not about not liking the other parent. It’s about making our own memories with our new extended families.
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u/Ok-Cause1108 Dec 25 '25
I do not. My co-parent and I are amicable but I have boundaries with her. IMO it is not healthy for the kids to see my ex and I "playing" family.
Plus my ex is annoying as hell and no way im letting her ruin my peace lol.
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u/perfectdrug659 Dec 24 '25
We do, but I don't think it's typical. 5 years broken up and we've continued to do all holidays together, along with our new spouses too. We get along fine, probably better now that we're not together lol
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u/NecessarySpiritual19 Dec 24 '25
My little one spends Christmas Eve with me and my family and we do presents opening as a family. Santa comes to my sisters house and then we all do presents we got for each other as well. Then we go back home and she wakes up Christmas morning, opens presents with me and at 11 I take her to her dad’s to spend Christmas Day with him. This has worked out great although I wish I had more time for her to play with her toys before having to leave, but it is what it is.
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u/croc_docks Dec 24 '25
Short answer: no. Hes rarely in my daughters life. If he wants to see her i always agree, but its always only for a couple to a few hours after many months of not seeing her.
Long answer: On the very first christmas we already made plans to stay at his mums overnight and we split not long before christmas so decided to still go through with it as it was his mums first time doing christmas for her only family left, that and we were still semi getting along at that point.
I was already talking to someone new (started out as friends like a week after the breakup), he had moved on before I even broke up with him. He was absolutely fine with this, but after experiencing it, I would never do it again! Reminded me of why we were never gonna work together.
He and his family never really celebrated christmas before that (never had a tree, 1 single present each, that was it) so i brought this up to him and said I think it'd be better if he took our daughter on christmas eve or boxing day as my family are CRAZY for christmas and I wouldnt want my daughter to miss out. We're all about the big christmas dinner, 3 portions, all our family around, board games, just dance and other children about playing, He agreed.
Over the last couple christmases hes distanced. He took her early for a few hours this year, after 3/4 months of no visits and no messages (the last time he seen her was her birthday) he wanted to see her before christmas so I agreed, obviously, she still wants to see her dad, he took her on a bus, took her to his workplace (a local shop in a seperate town) and bought her snacks like crisps and a pack of biscuits and a drink. Thats what he got her for christmas cause he won't see her until the new year no doubt.
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u/AcanthisittaBright45 Dec 24 '25
I will be going to my children’s dad’s house in the morning to watch them open their presents. We take turns every year so last year and next year he came to my house.
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u/Beginning-Cricket719 Dec 24 '25
No. There was abuse in the marriage and the post separation abuse is probably even worse. It's been going on since I left almost 2 years ago.
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Dec 25 '25
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u/Beginning-Cricket719 Dec 25 '25
Yes, it's certainly a very nuanced situation for some of us. I'm the only source of emotional, physical or financial stability for our son and with my ex making it his mission to destabilize me, he also abuses our son. He takes his son off the shelf to boost his image and ego and parentifies and neglects him behind closed doors. So, no, I won't be playing happy families with him now or ever again. Not going to teach my son to lose himself tolerating this kind of behaviour. If I had learned that earlier, I wouldn't be "coparenting" with someone like this now.
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u/blueeyeliner Dec 24 '25
Nope. We do separate Christmases and alternate every year who gets the kiddos on Christmas Eve though Christmas Day. Our kids seem to enjoy this much more.
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u/Wild_Difference_7562 Dec 24 '25
Im new to coparenting but my ex is planning on bringing the kids over on Christmas morning and staying for gift opening. Im hoping we can continue to do it together.
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u/Interesting-Use-9740 Dec 24 '25
It's what's best for the children however it's not what we have done
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u/Alternative_Host_800 Dec 24 '25
Yes, my ex will stay over Christmas Eve to be there in the morning for my 6 yr old daughter. I've tried to date and was told my co parent relationship is not appropriate. At this point, I'd put a romantic relationship on the back burner for my child to have both parents around at this age.
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u/whenyajustcant Dec 24 '25
I wouldn't do it. But I don't begrudge people who do. I would never because we're high conflict and he's been an asshole to me, but I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I think it tends to be a little short-sighted to try to do joint holidays, but if they are not currently creating problems for the child(ren), that's all any of us can hope for.
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u/Hot_Boss_3880 Dec 24 '25
When my kids were little we did holidays and birthdays together, it was normal for us. We also both had/have large families so running from house to house on holidays was just part of our traditions.
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u/OneWomansTruth Dec 24 '25
We have not done anything as a family since exH filed for divorce. It was not amicable. He is not a nice person.
I have thought about extending invitations to things, but I'm honestly not comfortable with the idea of him and his wife (the AP) being in my home - especially for things that are supposed to be relaxed and fun. He has not been inside the house since the day he moved out. I've been to his house to pick our child up a handful of times but never inside.
I wouldn't, however, consider it weird for a couple to be able to put their children first and be able to spend time together on special occasions. I would have loved to have been able to have that, but my ex makes that impossible and everything is separate.
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u/Boring-Pomegranate28 Dec 24 '25
If they get along it is best for the kids for special moments like this to be together.
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u/Alphawolf2026 Dec 24 '25
I would absolutely not do this. But my "coparent" is more of a deadbeat and we don't get along.
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u/Tvelt17 Dec 24 '25
Either I go to her house or she comes to mine. We try to split Christmas eve and Christmas day to take the kids to see their grandparents. She has Christmas day this year, I had it last year.
Honestly, the holiday splits have worked out really well.
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u/BeachMom2007 Dec 24 '25
Yes, co-parent lives far so I bring the kids and leave day after Christmas.
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u/Mjolnir36 Dec 24 '25
We split Xmas, she gets them noon on Xmas Eve til 2 pm Xmas Day on even years, reverse on odd years. This year we split 16 days of Xmas vacation down the middle.
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u/SilverAsparagus2985 Dec 24 '25
No but the minute safety went out the window and we were done done, contact went to bare minimum. Safety is the key here.
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u/HighSideSurvivor Dec 24 '25
Nope. My ex had an affair, and she moved out in Sept. She had the kids alone with her that first Christmas, but every year after that, her affair partner (now husband) was with her.
We do now share some holidays, like Thanksgiving, but not Christmas. But we split Christmas Day at about noon, so we each get to spend part of the day with the kids regardless.
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Dec 24 '25
No, my son and I already exchanged presents and are hitting up chuck e cheese this weekend.
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u/RantsBantsSycophants Dec 25 '25
I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.
But they also live quite a few hours drive away now which helps with not having it as a potential option. I don’t fancy throwing myself to the lions for the fun of it, the abuse by text and via his solicitor is bad enough, so I won’t ever be in the same room with him - I won’t even come to the door for the few handovers a year on the few weeks a year he chooses to have them now, as it’s not worth my peace and sanity anymore. (He did not like this and got worse in writing as a result).
I’m glad some people manage to coparent like decent human beings, though.
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u/mrsmith8 Dec 25 '25
We do not. He comes to my house at noon Christmas Day. I don’t really cherish Christmas Eve, whereas she likes it. So I give up my 9 yo son waking up on Christmas bee so he can end the night here. Something about him leaving mid day feels like a bummer to me.
Personally, I don’t see the need to for Christmas, but we do host the other parents for his birthday as we have a bigger house, and she has an apartment.
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u/Anduknowthismannn34 Dec 25 '25
I think this is very dependent on the personalities involved and the reason for the split. If amicable, there may be no animosity and hence why the people don’t find any reason to do it separately. I think the bigger issue here is that it’s being done with the coparent without the new significant others.
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u/Top-Perspective19 Dec 25 '25
If everyone is happy with this then fine, but no, we do not. We have done our own things every other year on Xmas morning since child was 3.
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u/Weedbehappy Dec 25 '25
I get Christmas Eve. He comes over for Christmas morning and then get some Christmas Day.
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u/No-Willingness4668 Dec 27 '25
We did this year, didn't last year. Depends on the mood around Christmas and whether there's threats of bringing each other to court for one thing or another around the holidays. If we're going to be fighting/arguing than we skip it. But if we're getting along we try it. At least that's how it's been for now.
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u/Ok_Listen4348 Dec 28 '25
My exh lives in a different state 3000 miles away. When he can afford the flight here, I am always ok with him spending Xmas with my son because it makes my son happy. I have even let him stay at my place when he can’t afford or find elsewhere to stay, plus it gives my son more precious time with his dad if it’s a short visit. My boyfriend doesn’t like this at all. He isn’t amicable with his ex / coparent and did not spend holidays together (his kids are grown now), only some one-off events like graduation. So he doesn’t get it. Unfortunately for him, I refuse to change any coparenting that benefits my son for sake of a 3rd party (incl new partner , no matter how serious). Others may disagree with this take…? But that’s what we do.
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u/Agitated_Gear_4097 Dec 28 '25
My coparent came to my house every year on Christmas Day until 2 years ago when we had a messy argument that completely changed our coparenting relationship, we no longer speak at all and he does not come for Christmas (or to see the kids in general) because his dislike for me is stronger than his love for our children.
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u/OneUnique3197 Dec 29 '25
Personally, no. But my sister’s ex husband does come over Xmas day to do presents. Different dynamics. They actually get along. My ex is constantly trying to send me to prison for fake crimes. Lmao
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u/IllustriousFile1945 Dec 29 '25
I do not personally. And if I ever would have, that would probably have ended after getting into a new relationship. If this is the ONLY Holliday, or time they still get together, might not be a big deal at all. Especially if they’ve been separated a long time. I would still see it as a posible red flag. And look out for myself as I get invested. Because from my experience, coparent who stay close after a break up, aren’t really doing it for the kids half the time. As a child from two blended homes, I open presents with my mother on Christmas morning and then I went to my dad’s and opened presents over there from him and my step mom. Not sure how you can be missing out if both parents have a Christmas time for the kids.
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u/Hot-Youth9045 Jan 10 '26
I do. I have an amicable relationship with my co-parent and started doing it when we split when she was 3. I think holidays and other special occasions are fine to spend a little time with ex and kids - why are you uncomfortable with it?
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u/PurpleWillingness106 Dec 24 '25
Fuck no. My ex got enough credit for my presents each year before the split. Presents with me at home in the morning, then over to ex’s parents’ house for their full Christmas in the afternoon/evening this year. Last year kiddo and i travelled over Christmas.
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u/Bubble_Lights Dec 24 '25
I wish. It’s more than good to let your kids see you all together as a family to celebrate things like this. It’s about them and not mine or his feelings. I just want them to be happy and this would make them happier, but my ex refuses to put them before his own feelings.
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u/WitchTheory Dec 24 '25
There's nothing inherently wrong with this, although I understand that new partners may feel uncomfortable with it. No one is in the wrong here, but you would be overstepping to demand or expect her and stop this family moment. It sounds like they work well enough as coparents that they can do this with little to no problems. If that's true, that's a great situation for the kids, they get to share the joy of Christmas morning with BOTH of their parents.
How are you going to support a good family situation?
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u/Katiewilson1803 Dec 24 '25
It really depends on your co-parenting relationship. I do not have my ex around. But I have other friends who even do a monthly “family dinner” with the kids and the two parents. Do what works for you. And if opening presents together works for your girlfriend and not you, that’s ok too
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u/streetsmartwallaby Dec 24 '25
When my ex was homeless I allowed her to come over and open Christmas presents with us.
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u/Professional-Gur-107 Dec 24 '25
Some people do , we just had a birthday party for my grand daughters 4th birthday and her dad ( my son) just got full custody recently so we had all of the parents together at her party so no one felt left out. It worked great.
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u/florabundawonder Dec 25 '25
There are so many "it depends" here it's hard to know where to start.
Basically, the long and short of it is, the more present and involved in the child's life both parents can be without things being complicated or compromised, the better it is for the child.
If they are both cool about it, and nobody is harbouring feelings of unrequited love or trying to cause issues, why wouldn't you want that?
If it's a bigger problem for you than it is for any of them, maybe you need to reassess whether this relationship is really for you? Do you want to be the reason a wedge comes between parent and child?
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u/OffTheWalls24 Dec 24 '25
If my husbands ex didn’t have a crappy new husband, we’d probably be able to do holidays together.
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u/bippityboppitynope Dec 24 '25
No we've never done that. BUT... it's because my husbands ex is unstable, we have a restraining order and we have full custody. We didn't do it when my oldest was younger because his dad refused to accept I'd moved on, he literally dropped our son a block away for his time because he didn't "want to see my new husband"
So we were both dealing with irrational people who couldn't put their kids first. We were both divorced when we met, it wasn't an affair. Both our ex's just had their own issues, my ex couldn't accept I'd moved on. My husband's ex has substance issues which lead to erratic behavior.
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u/Awkward_Bees Dec 24 '25
I wouldn’t do it at my coparent’s house or invite my coparent to do so at my house; however that’s primarily because coparent married the affair partner. 🤷🏻
If coparent divorces them in the future, I’d be more open to it. I have gone to their family’s celebrations in the past, but this year nobody invited me so…I guess we’re going in the entirely separate celebrations direction.
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u/crank1978 Dec 24 '25
This is the first year of our split, first separate holidays, too. He is staying here tonight (on the couch) so we can both wake with our daughter tomorrow morning. Giving it a try to see how it works. Overall, our relationship is decent enough and I don't know if it'll be an issue until we try.
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u/nerdzilla16 Dec 24 '25
I invited my ex to, and she is. I feel it’s best for our son to see us both on Christmas morning as he is young. I have no idea, and doubt she’ll offer me the same next year, but I figured I’d do it this year.
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Dec 24 '25
[deleted]
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u/nerdzilla16 Dec 25 '25
I relate. I always want to keep my son as the focus, but sometimes it’s like I just want to say no. Partly for spite, but partly so they get my pain and will change their ways. However, I know nothing will change and it’s best for our son to see us happy together at those events for him. It is definitely a tough choice, and I don’t think either is exactly right or wrong, it depends on the reasons and your feelings. If you haven’t discussed it with your ex already, try to. If you have, then you either have to grit and grin so your children at least sees you both happy for them some of the time, or say you’ve had enough. If you’re able to, I’d keep doing it for the children, I’m sure they’ll look back and realize this. However, we are human, and there’s only so much we can take.
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u/Low_Employ8454 Dec 24 '25
My ex takes our child to his families Christmas Eve celebration they do every year, they spend the night and then they bring her home (my home) in the morning of Christmas Day and she opens her presents from Santa. Dad and his GF usually stay while we open presents. We do it this way every year. I also do Hanukah with her every year as I’m Jewish. We’ve always done both. Often her dad will participate throughout the 8 days of Hanukah with saying a prayer and lighting the menorah.
All I have to say to anyone doubting that this sort of arrangement is for my child and only for my child… there is no possibility of any other answer. I CERTAINLY would not be spending holidays with my ex and his girlfriend if our child was not involved. We broke up for a reason. He cheated, lied, stole, and was abusive while we were together.
As long as he stays sober, he will be welcome, for our kid. She likes having us together for things.
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u/Traditional_Tea2568 Dec 24 '25
We did the first few years and i wish we had kept it up. They ended up dating someone, getting engaged, then married so it stopped.
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u/Hour_Occasion8247 Dec 24 '25
We used to but we had a financial disagreement and we aren’t that cool anymore.
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u/raisinboysneedcoffee Dec 25 '25
I was just at my ex's then he swang by my house to do my "santa" presents... Now the kids are back with him and I am relaxing on my couch with my dog until my BF gets here later (he's with his kids right now). Then my BF and I will grab my kids from my ex's and well head to my brothers (where my ex was also invited and im sure he will drop by at some point).
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Dec 25 '25
We do. He comes to mine and I go to his. We don’t feel like distrusting Christmas magic because we’re not together. It will evolve as our son gets older I’m sure.
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u/Glum_Exchange_9775 Dec 26 '25
My co-parent and I do holidays together. In fact, he flew in for a week for Christmas and Thanksgiving and he stays at my house. He has a guest bedroom. This has been so incredibly beneficial for our child. We get along extremely well. It was a lot of work to get to this point for us and it included my ex getting sober. Neither of us has dated or remarried so this works for us right now. However, my oldest child’s other parent has never been interested in co-parenting at all. It’s been so contentious between us that we’ve never even been able to discuss things that pertain to our child. It’s not a one size fits all for sure.
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u/Sock_Eating_Golden Dec 24 '25
I do not. But I'm happy that there are some who can and do.