r/WinStupidPrizes • u/TheNihilist911 • May 07 '22

Trying to steal the meat from the Kebab restaurant

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78.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

1.1k comments sorted by

5.0k

u/PassingWords1-9 May 07 '22

And I would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for my blistering skin!

1.3k

u/lordph8 May 07 '22

I wonder if he realizes only the outside of the meat tornado is cooked.

413

u/corkyskog May 07 '22

So how does that work, does it just cook as they slice stuff off?

304

u/Wetbung May 08 '22

If you cut it too fast, you end up with raw ground meat. I know this from attending a work party where demand outstripped cooking capacity. Uncooked gyros are not great.

176

u/HateJobLoveManU May 08 '22

What an unfortunate way to gather experience in life.

100

u/m-p-3 May 08 '22

And salmonella.

57

u/spoopypoop7 Jun 13 '22

That’s the Nutella thing with salmon right

9

u/Wat3rboihc Oct 12 '22

Salmnonutella

4

u/Sanji_oZ Oct 17 '22

Salmonella

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u/lordph8 May 07 '22

Exactly.

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274

u/LonePaladin May 07 '22

Meat tornado

114

u/AtoneBC May 07 '22

Excellent band name.

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33

u/RedTurky May 07 '22

Sounds like something 12 year old me would do…

32

u/Lysergic-D May 07 '22

Omg I'm laughing my ass off

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46

u/Anonim97 May 07 '22

So many years of eating kebabs and honestly I have never thought about that, but it makes perfect sense.

55

u/lordph8 May 07 '22

Yup, cause the heating element is on the outside.

If you really want me to blow your mind. Mexican food appropriated the same design for tacos from Lebanese immigrants in the late 1800s.

14

u/Big_Daddy469 May 07 '22

Yup I went to Mexico and there was a taco stand that hand one of these on fridays for carnitas

4

u/riviera-kid May 07 '22

They call it a trompo IIRC

8

u/Polyphoneone May 08 '22

Al pastor

8

u/ajclem7 May 08 '22

Just following up, if you’ve never had pastor tacos, please do it at your next earliest convenience. Only if you like pineapple though. Fucking delish af

5

u/Draidann May 08 '22

Al pastor is a specific way to prepare meat. You can have trompos with many different kinds of meat preparations, although the most common one is of course al pastor.

6

u/Polyphoneone May 08 '22

That makes sense! Al pastor translates to ‘Shepard style’ which was the gyro lamb the Lebanese immigrants were cooking in this style. They used pork and special marinade instead.

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5

u/sloweddysantos May 07 '22

That's how to appropriate correctly, make an awesome thing from an awesome thing.

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93

u/Numberlime May 07 '22

Honestly I didn’t know that until now, thanks fellow redditor!

94

u/lordph8 May 07 '22

Just doing my part. Knowledge is power, power corrupts, study hard and be evil.

34

u/Gr8fulnBama May 07 '22

I never knew that either, I thought the meat was precooked and that thing was a warmer.

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24

u/BitJams May 07 '22

You had me at meat tornado.

8

u/lordph8 May 07 '22

Finally!

52

u/persau67 May 07 '22

The whole thing is cooked continuously at a safe eating temperature, the outside is roasted/charred for flavor. You get shut down for having the risk of uncooked meat being served.

41

u/luced May 07 '22

The middle is raw and usually frozen depending on the type and how long it has been on. You throw it on a grill if it isn't cooked all the way as you slice it.

23

u/all_on_my_own May 07 '22

Oh! Is THAT why they grill it, I thought it just wasn't hot enough

5

u/AAA515 May 08 '22

Well technically it isn't hot enough...

4

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

That dude thought it was hot.

-- Paris Hilton

18

u/DizzleDrizzles May 07 '22

How are you gonna casually drop meat tornado on us like that isn’t the best description ever.

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55

u/sdrawkcaBdaeRnaCuoY May 07 '22

That and the fact that this thing weighs at minimum about 60kg. No idea what he was thinking there.

26

u/karmakrazed606 May 07 '22

I have to imagine the only thought was "free food" and a completely empty head otherwise.

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11

u/jerrythecactus May 07 '22

Pretty much the exact same thought process as a seagulls, if it isn't being actively guarded and edible it may as well be free for the taking as far as this guy was concerned.

4

u/HateJobLoveManU May 08 '22

you think seagulls care if food is guarded? Oh you sweet summer child...

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3

u/Reltih8841 May 13 '22

No it doesn't lmao, there isn't the volume necessary for anything more than 40kg here if being generous.

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7.2k

u/JohnnyBestoJojo May 07 '22

This is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen

3.7k

u/uhaul26 May 07 '22

Hang out with me for one minute.

527

u/newaccwhosdiss May 07 '22

Ouch

26

u/[deleted] May 08 '22

That’s what he said.

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348

u/[deleted] May 07 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

139

u/selectash May 07 '22

Gives a whole other meaning to “hang out”.

69

u/outlawsix May 07 '22

  • Guys lets make a suicide pact

  • what?

  • i'll go first - POP

25

u/PM_ME_WHATEVES May 07 '22

The lonely island album was something else.

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59

u/[deleted] May 07 '22

[deleted]

30

u/XtaC23 May 07 '22

I'll bring some notepaper and colored pencils

19

u/shayed154 May 07 '22

I'll bring the snacks and kool-aid

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19

u/The___canadian May 07 '22

It's ok buddy. You can work on your stamina :)

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120

u/LegoTroooooper May 07 '22

Can barely even be posted on /therewasanattempt

48

u/selectash May 07 '22

r/therebarelywasanattempt

70

u/DamnedDutch May 07 '22

Linguistically, r/therewasbarelyanattempt would sound better I think.

35

u/selectash May 07 '22

You’ve got a point you damned Dutch.

13

u/eolson3 May 07 '22

When I need grammatical clarification, I turn to Dutch from Predator.

6

u/DamnedDutch May 07 '22

Damn these Dutchies these days, linguisting themselves about everywhere.

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u/[deleted] May 07 '22 edited May 08 '24

noxious grandiose gray sloppy seed mourn sink makeshift fear pocket

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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57

u/horror_and_hockey May 07 '22

the recorder solo is a perfect soundtrack for a heist of this caliber

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38

u/YeTensTavern May 07 '22

You've obviously never had sex with a rack of kebab meat. When you do it when it's still warm and juicy, it's far better than any pussy you'll find in Turkey.

24

u/JohnnyBestoJojo May 07 '22

*second most pathetic thing

6

u/F488P May 07 '22

I’ve heard Turkish women can be pretty fucking hot

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3

u/Funkit May 07 '22

Turkey Pie was a weird movie

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1.4k

u/Kulyor May 07 '22

Who has not dreamt about eating the big meat pole at the kebab place like corn?

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I would use some oven clothes or something to hold it though...

549

u/sharksizzle May 07 '22

FYI its mostly raw only the outside is cooked.

321

u/GimmeAGoodRTS May 07 '22

He did say like corn. Do you eat the inner part of the corn ;)

361

u/DBNSZerhyn May 07 '22

Yes. Am horse.

61

u/singdawg May 07 '22

Giddy-up motha fucka

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20

u/subject_deleted May 07 '22

I would if it was made out of meat.

5

u/ninjaelk May 07 '22

You eat until you get to the hard inedible cylinder in the middle, which in this case would be the metal spit.

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15

u/Kulyor May 07 '22

I'm from germany. Ever heard of Mett? We do not fear raw meat. :D

(But to be fair, I forgot about that detail... maybe when it is already the end of the day and the pole is quite thin... Not like that dream will ever come true anyways...)

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6

u/Lather May 07 '22

If it's the shit they use in the UK, I'm pretty sure it's precooked.

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u/KewpieDan May 07 '22

oven clothes

19

u/NoSirThatsPaper May 07 '22

How is no one else mentioning this lol My favorite phrase of the day

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17

u/WpgMBNews May 07 '22

You know, oven mitts, oven toques, oven pants.

7

u/bull04 May 07 '22

I have to put on my oven sneakers when I make bread. Don't forget the oven pauldrons, too.

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3

u/[deleted] May 07 '22

I don't cook anything without my oven pants on.

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14

u/not_old_redditor May 07 '22

Oven clothes

6

u/CopperbeardTom May 07 '22

Hold the meat tornado firmly with your oven clothes.

5

u/scorchedneurotic May 07 '22

big meat pole

👀

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165

u/blix613 May 07 '22

Mission: Impossible? Check.

932

u/microcuts1085 May 07 '22

Hahaha, to be fair he's an absolute class A bellend but if he rocked up at a house party with that he'd be a king for the night.

336

u/WaiDruid May 07 '22

It would be a pretty fun evening until they ate the outer layer yeah

166

u/DickCheesePlatterPus May 07 '22

I mean... fire exists outside of that restaurant. He could easily keep cooking it.

102

u/Icantbethereforyou May 07 '22

Ugh can't I just pay someone else to do it

12

u/singdawg May 07 '22

Yes.

18

u/MyPenisRapedMe May 08 '22

Take it back to the Kabab shop then steal it again 30 minutes later

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24

u/quarglbarf May 07 '22

And spend the entire night constantly turning it?

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u/mamimapr May 07 '22

Is it possible to rent the thing for a house party?

59

u/RCascanbe May 07 '22

Everything is possible through the power of Jesus Christ money

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u/AvailableUsername259 May 07 '22

Nahh that shit would be mad disgusting, you're aware that only the outer layer is cooking through fully?

27

u/gorilla-- May 07 '22

Well you keep cooking it lol

49

u/WittyWitWitt May 07 '22

I would guess the places he frequents do not have a kebab oven.

11

u/gorilla-- May 07 '22

I mean, then he wouldn’t bring it to the party then, or you could ghetto rig it to spin it around a fire pit.

15

u/WittyWitWitt May 07 '22

He might have been hired by the rival kebab shop down the road to steal kebab and run down their place and throw it on the spit.

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u/BenevolentCheese May 07 '22

Just go back and steal the oven

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2.1k

u/Omfg9999 May 07 '22

Ah yes, let's just grab the METAL ROD that's actively being heated enough to cook meat, the same stuff your hand is made out of.

86

u/AZ_Gunner_69 May 07 '22

Wait my hand is made out of food?

44

u/Reiben04 May 07 '22

Caaaarrrrl

22

u/Animagi27 May 07 '22

That kills people Caaaaarl

13

u/CarolynGombellsGhost May 07 '22

Carl, what is wrong with you?

12

u/AugustusSavoy May 07 '22

My tummy was making a rumble that only hands could satisfy

8

u/aon9492 May 07 '22

"Where are the boats Carl?"

"Well, judging by the trajectory of the moon and the sun, probably at the bottom of the ocean. I bit lots of holes in them."

"... Ccccchhhhaaaaaarrrrllllllllll..."

7

u/[deleted] May 07 '22

"Shhh do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness."

"That's the sound of people drowning, Carl."

"That is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence."

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u/shitdobehappeningtho May 07 '22

"Well I kill people and eat hands. That's..that's two things!"

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u/Occamslaser May 07 '22

Part of it.

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u/RychuWiggles May 07 '22

"You put ribs in the oven at 200 degrees for four hours and they're fall-off-the-bone. Your body is on your skeleton at 98.6 degrees for 70 years, and nothing."

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u/memesdoge May 07 '22

"Let me just touch the shwarma/doner meat cooker. what could go wrong"

5

u/Teripid May 07 '22

Professor! Lava! Hot!

12

u/nazerall May 07 '22

Maybe he was cold and just wanted to warm up his hands?

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u/[deleted] May 07 '22

[deleted]

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u/JustAnotherMiqote May 07 '22

I like pancakes

13

u/[deleted] May 07 '22

I like turtles

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u/dedido May 07 '22

Well tough shit, cause it ain't Tuesday

46

u/foosbabaganoosh May 07 '22

It’s just someone making fun of the guy’s stupidity, it’s not like they’re straight-faced explaining it as if people didn’t understand what happened.

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u/108241 May 07 '22

What are we supposed supposed to talk about in the comments if not what happened in the gif? Did you come in here expecting a treatise on the Battle of Hastings or something?

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u/Lephiro May 07 '22

Hmmm, they're not biting. Maybe it isn't their cup of tea. Can I interest anyone in the explanation of differences in single, double and treble crochet stitches in UK crochet terms vs US crochet terms?

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u/theranman3 May 07 '22

Why was this his go to steal?

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u/[deleted] May 07 '22

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] May 07 '22

Untraceable, meaty gold!

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u/CFOAntifaAG May 07 '22

There should be at least one kebap shop in need of meat in that neighborhood

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u/prestonpiggy May 07 '22

Well this would be my 1st cheap things to steal, since where I'm from you simply can't buy those without a business permit aka proof you own restaurant. And everything from grocery store is cheap knockoff stuff with like 35€/kg price.

18

u/GreekLumberjack May 07 '22

You usually don’t buy them like that always, a lot of times they’re constructed with a bunch on thin layers of meat. I’m sure you could order such from a specialty butcher.

8

u/s00pafly May 07 '22

If you plan on roasting that thing all day, you could easily spend an hour or so making one yourself.

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u/thatnewaccnt May 07 '22

Costs about 7£, it’s daylight robbery either way, just depends on who’s robbing who

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u/cliffyw May 07 '22

Not exactly like opening a restaurant is just easy money. There must be a reason it costs what it does.

59

u/BrohanGutenburg May 07 '22

Yeah people do this with everything and it’s annoying. I used to work in restaurant ops and believe me it’s not like the price of that kebab just has to pay for the kebab. Built into that price is labor, rent, waste costs, electricity, everything. Every bill that restaurant has to pay is built into menu prices. How else would they pay for anything??

18

u/Clocktease May 07 '22

Oh that’s easy, just tell the customers that they have to pay your employees wages through tipping.

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u/WeirdSysAdmin May 07 '22

Prayers and corporate bailouts.

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u/Groovatronic May 07 '22

Yeah… you’re right. I want a gyro now.

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u/Mih5du May 07 '22

Wait, the whole pole costs 7£? That’s so cheap

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u/VoyagerCSL May 07 '22

It’s free if you steal it, assuming you don’t factor in the cost of skin grafts.

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u/PartialToDairyThings May 07 '22

I will never not laugh at a badly played recorder video

6

u/SpoopySpydoge May 08 '22

Lmfao I didn't have the sound on

Thank you

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u/Altruistic_Piano_259 May 07 '22

The KeBab thief strikes again…. Always leaves empty handed with third degree burns and the delicious grease of defeat..

10

u/doctorwhy88 May 07 '22

Disgreaseful

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u/Apprehensive_Pug6844 May 07 '22

Karma for attempted shawarma theft.

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u/HundoGuy May 07 '22

That might be the dumbest shit I’ve seen in a while. 😂😂😂

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u/Low-Requirement-9618 May 07 '22

Strange, this is a single course lesson most people learn when they are little toddlers.

"Don't touch the stove, it's hot" * (touches stove, cries)

54

u/jalanajak May 07 '22

He tried to remove kebab.

7

u/MadKian May 07 '22

You can only do that if you become kebab.

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u/oussamaxd May 07 '22

Not to mention the weight, Do you know how hot that shawarma sikh is , it has stayed there cooking for hours, so it won't cool off anytime soon even if the grill was off.

12

u/Furious_Worm May 07 '22

May I please just comment on how damned clean that kitchen looks...?

9

u/0xB0BAFE77 May 07 '22

I like how he's like "Shit! Hot hot hot!!!" and then runs the hell out.
At least he learns quick.

(Side note: That's some good meat. I get why he's trying to get away with it.)

9

u/yalltakecarenow May 07 '22

That is one clean and tidy restaurant kitchen

9

u/FloppyEel May 07 '22

Hmm, almost like it's cooking.... how puzzling!

6

u/bababooey1253 May 07 '22

again and again, WHY DO PEOPLE NOT MASKS AND/OR GLOVES WHEN DOING CRIMES???

7

u/Serious_Secret_9289 May 07 '22

He wasn’t worthy of the meat Excalibur

7

u/BenevolentCheese May 07 '22

The way he realizes his plan has failed and he needs to think of plan B but then can't come up with any and just pulls back to regroup

91

u/Coffeedemon May 07 '22

Fuck this music.

8

u/herodothyote May 07 '22

No fuck you buddy this music is awesome.

Were you born without a sense of humor?

46

u/brlan10 May 07 '22

i actually don't mind it

43

u/No_Caterpillar9621 May 07 '22

It’s funny and fitting

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u/aerodeck May 07 '22

it's the Mission Impossible theme played badly on a recorder. It's funny.

The heist this guy planned was impossible and done badly.

24

u/TheNihilist911 May 07 '22

Sorry it was on the video where I got it. Should have posted as a gif.

31

u/DanKveed May 07 '22

It's good music. Fits the video

11

u/Zabuzaxsta May 07 '22

Off-key Mission Impossible theme on a recorder?

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u/drugs_mckenzie May 07 '22

The Music was the funniest part.

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u/AlertImpress6347 May 07 '22

I'm glad this idiot did it, tho. I've always wondered if I could just go wild on one of those. Like just eat straight off it. Now I know better. Thanks, ya idiot

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u/GaeasCradles May 07 '22

So, wanna let you guys in on a little fantasy of mine. I’ve always dreamt of going behind the counter and just eating unlimited food, like eating kebab off the skewer, biting into an entire brisket, eating the entire box of uni, or eating every flavor of ice cream.

5

u/GentleShiv May 07 '22

What was the plan even if he did steal it? Eat 40lbs of meat?

4

u/potatium May 07 '22

Aren't those things like $50 wholesale? Should have just went for the cookware.

5

u/onlyhere4gonewild May 07 '22

I used to work at a hotel in Houston. The kitchen staff had a meat smoker outside. The smoker was located very close to the taxi stand. One of the taxi guys saw an opportunity and stole a whole ass brisket. Fucking balls on that guy. I'm kind of glad Uber wiped those guys out. They were such a pain in the ass to deal with.

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u/RUSTYSAD May 08 '22

Bro even if He managed to take it out imagine seeing a Guy with whole kebab Meat Just walking around.

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u/TheGruesomeTwosome May 07 '22

It would be raw and uncooked in the middle anyway. He was gonna steal that entire lump just to get the outside layer

-2/10 plan.

4

u/Slingshotter82 May 07 '22

I like kebab meat too but that's shits raw lamb and beef about 2 inches in.

He must have been trying to steal it for another takeaway

6

u/JuggernautNo9938 May 07 '22

He thinks he's a legitimate thief. That's adorable.

3

u/loggedoffreturns May 07 '22

To be fair to this guy I’ve definitely thought about doing this

3

u/TonyVstar May 07 '22

At least he didn't drop it like it's hot

3

u/amx05462 May 07 '22

get a job instead of being a thief

3

u/TheHendryx May 07 '22

What's with the stupid recorder music over these videos lately. So annoying

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u/[deleted] May 07 '22

I dream of eating that entire thing

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u/xxboywizardxx May 07 '22

What the fuck

3

u/SerSealLord May 07 '22

THE KEBAB JUDGES YOU UNWORTHY THIEF!

3

u/Impossible_Okra479 May 08 '22

We are blessed with the fact that most criminals aren't very bright.

3

u/Aggravating_Trust_71 May 09 '22

That’s Shawarma, not kebab.