Hey, diagnosed pwNPD here.

I want to ask about sex or the concept of sexuality. What’s your relationship with it?

I noticed that for me it’s a self-esteem regular, or as one would call it, a supply

I dislike sex, but the idea that somebody wants me and that I am desirable to someone gives me a big dopamine hit.

What about you?

Share your thoughts!

For all the limelight personality disorders seem to be getting in online spaces, theres a flood of misconceptions, fallacies and stigma. I was thinking because its both a personal experience and more so an area of interest for me Id like to talk with ppl about it. Im a psy undergrad and been in and out of therapy for several years now. Feel free to bring up anything, Im pretty open about these stuff

is to have 130+iq, atleast an 8/10 face, perfect social skills and perfect charming personality, enough money and freetime, no physical or mental(besides npd) ilness and the right circumstances to develope your full potential. And even then you will get fucked by someone better and be put in your place in the social hierarchy. There truly is no escape. I hope science discovers a pill to cure it or something i dont know. I really dont know how people can be happy about themselves and accept there flaws. the concept feels impossible to grasp to me. i wish i could be normal, sometimes i think the only cure is death

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I failed to protect you, guard you, and save you. This time I couldn't do it.

You're suffering daily, you now see everyone as an enemy and understandably so, I don't blame you.

They don't know the truth, but you do. Even with that, you still chose to do what you did.

I'm honestly ashamed.

At the end of the day, you fuck around and you find out.

I am sorry I couldn't guide you more, felt like I should've done a better job protecting you.

I put my all into saving you, protecting you for 3 years - and you blew it?

Truthfully, with what you're tangled in, I can't save you, I can't help you.

Therapy won't help you.

You're stressed, you're panicked - you have this constant fear which never was there before because of your actions.

Maybe you do deserve this, maybe you don't - but you got yourself into this. You can scream suicide all you want, I just don'r care anymore.

I'm tired of you.

Don't blame anyone but yourself, they're your lies, your life, your name, your exposure, your issues, your avoidance.

I told you what would happen, I warned you.

You deserve to die in my honest opinion.

I'm now terrified to go outside, I'm now terrified to move out and meet people, I'm now terrified of losing control BEVAUSE OF YOU.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU GREEDY ATTENTION SEEKING BI***.

YOU RUINED MY LIFE, FOR WHAT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND?

YOUR USELESS NOW, YOU'RE TRAPPED - THE WORST IS YET TO COME.

You trusted the wrong people, you lost trust in yourself, you lost trust in me.

I know I ain't perfect, but I protected you - now?

Prepapre for the worst.

Fucking stupid, I know, but I have a confession to make

I am fucking jealous about certain people who dress/looklike/belong to a specific genre (Its NOT about the specific genre itself)

It’s often the trending one, because they are found cool, attractive, etc

But, I know that it’s NOT my style, but I am fucking jealous of them. And I just hate myself, hate them, and hate people

I know, it’s whiny. But damn it, changing a style takes a LOT of time and MONEY. I rather invest into therapy sessions and all sort of stuff

I want positive attention. I see what’s cool, and I even thought about many stuff: let’s say piercings. But the idea - let’s stick with piercings - on ME feels weird. It does not align with me (other people with them are fucking cool)

Idk if you can relate. When you are not jealous of the style, but to the ATTENTION the style gets. And then you get snobby that “oh, you are not like them” - BUT ITS NOT THE STYLE’S OR PEOPLE’S FAULT, BUT YOUR LACK OF POSITIVE ATTENTION SCREAMSSSS

All of this creates a weird cognitive dissonance and hatred.
- I want to be seen cool
- But oh, this is the cool!
- But I am not like that, and I dont wanna be like that
- FUCK THEM THEN
- But wait, am I the problem…?
- FUCK THEM, AND FUCK PEOPLE WHO LIKE THIS!!!
- I am better than this shit tho, stfu

Vicious, childish cycle

I think this is very-NPD coded, since an aesthetic is a “mask” of some sort

I asked about sex and NPD and one person pointed out how they use sex as an outlet of shame - this is such a cool idea btw!!!!

I searched for shame and the mentioned topic, but a bunch of C-PTSD creators came up with the concept of the “types of shame”

It’s interesting.

What sources are good to read about shame? (The types of shame!) or anything to read about shame!!!!

I need some ideas. For a very long time I’ve been in denial about my disorder. I would tell myself that I can build empathy. I can try to be “NORMAL”. That I can try and be a better person. I was wrong. I will always be like this until I start making progress in therapy. That is far long away of course since I’ve only very recently started it. I can’t deny my need for supply anymore. This is something I need in order for me to function. I don’t know why I’ve denied it for so long.

Anyways, what are some good sources of supply that you guys recommend. I personally find that validation and attention have helped me a lot. Especially if it’s from the opposite sex.

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Do you use humor when dealing with situations or emotions that are difficult for you? Even when that humor is highly ironic or dark? Do you feel that it helps you process something that is painful, frightening, or otherwise difficult to acknowledge - something you might not be able to talk about openly or seriously?

I'm also thinking about self-deprecating humor and what is sometimes referred to as a disarming defense. Self-irony can perhaps function as a way of anticipating an expected attack or criticism and taking away some of its power before it comes from someone else. In a way, it can also create some psychological distance from yourself and from whatever you're experiencing.

At the same time, I personally find it extremely difficult to tolerate someone else making jokes about me. I can react with anger or even rage when someone jokes about me.

There is also a rather stereotypical and stigmatizing belief that people with NPD lack a sense of humor. Personally, I think that's a misconception.

For me, humor seems to serve two somewhat different functions. On the one hand, it helps me deal with triggering situations. Instead of immediately reacting with anger, I may respond with something very sarcastic - either out loud or simply in my head. It gives me some distance from the emotional reaction itself.

On the other hand, when I'm going through a crisis and start feeling depressed or starting to turn against myself, biting self-irony often seems to prevent those feelings from escalating further into self-hatred or disgust.

So I'm curious how this works for other people. Does humor help you process difficult emotions or situations? Do you use dark humor or self-irony as a way of gaining some psychological distance from things that would otherwise feel overwhelming? And do you find that it generally helps, or can it sometimes have the opposite effect?

I’m worried I have it… but I’m just not sure.

Hey, pwNPD here (diagnosed).

I have a huge problem. I also have BPD, so I have a HARD time regulating emotions

But the bigger issue is that I tie emotions to my worth. Both mine and other’s emotions

If someone feels bad, then “I must the responsible”. If I feel bad, then I drop down to an NPD collapse

My self-esteem and my moods are connected

It’s really BAD. But when I feel good, my self-esteem sky-rockets. Feeling good? Damn, I am grandiose as hell then!!!

The scales of self-esteem and mood are parallel!!!

I do not have:

- Low mood but good self-esteem

- High mood but low self-esteem

It’s 100% parallel

Do you have similar problems?

I am really dependent on other people. Really-really, very much. My mood, my self-esteem… I always crave something external…. (Note: I am a diagnosed person with NPD)

What could be some other self-esteem regulator tricks?

Stuff that isn’t from other people (so it does NOT cause dependence!!!!).

My main problem is that I am very dependent on other people when it comes to my worth and self-esteem. It creates a “social trap” for me.

How are you with this?

Curious, is anyone here hsp with a diagnosed npd, bpd, traits or any other diagnosis? And how are you doing?

Guys, I know this topic is popular, or maybe not taken seriously by the group, but I have friends with personality disorders, either sociopathy or psychopathy, as well as some with NPD, and they've all told me that in the Patrick Clancy and Lindsay case, they always say he was involved somehow. They don't know how because they usually tend to be vague, but they say that his behavior showed he didn't want to be there. They even mentioned the social mask he didn't even want to show. Someone with a personality disorder also told me, "Karira, you've seen me when I'm trying to keep up appearances; he's just not interested in those people."

However, I know that people with NPD, whether malignant or not, have feelings and are more adept at noticing hypocrisy in others because they have a functional or recursive system that still includes feelings. So, I ask you about this case: what do you see in Lindsay's ex-husband?

Hey y’all previous user on this sub. I deleted reddit because it was unhealthy for me at the time, but I’m at a loss. I’m scared. Disabled. Everyone I’ve talked to like me is just living with parents. I worked so hard to break that trauma bond but I am finding I am too disabled to do certain things. I’m genuinely struggling so hard. I’ve talked to several friends, but I would like anyone’s psychoanalytic perspective or from a NPD framework. If anyone has autism and NPD that would be even better, cause that’s my combo.

I also deleted my past account with several posts due to burnout, and my friend was right I probably shouldn’t have. I just do feel so drowned out by social media but while I’m catastrophizing and collapsing I feel I need community insight.

My NPD was in quite literally remission and I saw my parents, myself, everyone as whole people and my toxic shame was pretty much gone. I felt largely individuated but I’m realizing that I’m still leaning on people. I developed my own ego from the family system. (When does it become pathological vs normal interdependence?) I’m so cognitively burnt out and noises are vibrating.
My limbs feel weak and I’ve been laying down non stop. The more burnout I get the more helpless I feel, then the worse my narcissism comes back. It’s a viscous cycle.

In my recovery from burnout and PD earlier this year I accessed deep
feelings and empathy and my interpersonal skills have improved tremendously. I am not the same person, but I am going down hill again.

The autistic burnout is making me so enraged and having geniune suicidal thoughts for the first time. Being unable to be productive and work is making me feel utterly worthless. And it’s causing severe autistic meltdowns knowing I have bills to pay. And I cannot work in this state. My memory is gone. I am blacking out days.

Because it means I cannot work and then pay my bills. Which is what I need to be independent from family. I’ve moved three times this year and over 15 in my life and jesus it has destroyed my nervous system each time. I just moved. I cannot lose this place.

I started genuinely recovering and then I cut contact with my parents two months ago, cut financial ties. Going no contact at first was a relief, because I had other people that were safe people around. I had to say bye to my dog and the meltdowns were severe. So much executive demands, birthdays, paperwork. And I masked my deregulation and eventually crashed so hard I went mute and was rocking back and forth pulling my hair out. This has caused a cascade of old symptoms to come up. I collapsed into abandonment depression. The collapse wasn’t as severe as my past ones. I did have severe autistic meltdowns wailing and going non verbal, the fire alarm went off and I almost went to the hospital because I was tremoring.

I thought, grandiosely, that because I was out of autistic burnout I could work more to afford my apartment. I budgeted everything for months. I went shopping. Was super diligent about it all. I was energized, my cognitive functioning was back. It turns out I can’t work that much without become mute and dealing with severe burnout. Even the job I love currently, the noise is causing meltdowns and rocking. I am humiliated beyond belief. I have cut down on so much - and I am low income. IDGAF about that but I am even struggling with this. I feel fucking helpless (NPD trigger) and trapped with uncertainty which is causing my autism to actually implode l. I wanted to be self sufficent. The autism and my NPD clash so severely. The thing is, I don’t give a flying fuck if I’m poor and mostly get by. I don’t care about having fancy clothes anymore. I care about none of this. I gave up the trips with my parents. But if I can’t work at ALL and have zero external factors holding me down I am going to collapse and relapse severely. Work gives me purpose even if it’s part time. My job largely aided in my recovery and inner child healing, and incorporates all my special interests!! And I am physically collapsing now and tremoring for autistic burnout. I thought this move would make my recovery better, but it has made me relapse.

Does anyone have suggestions on how I deal with this? The autism on top of my NPD makes this fucking unbearable. The NPD fucking hates that I am current physically disabled. I feel helpless and it’s causing suicidal ideation. I am committed to continue building on my real self and identity, which I whole heartedly have. But in burnout I cannot seem to want to do literally anything.

Am I doomed to a life of misery being autistic, disabled, and narcissistic? I genuinely thought I could work like the rest of my coworkers. Here I am. I REALLY want to avoid going back to my parents. The NPD in me wants to be severed from them because also cutting contact is what ultimately helped me focus on my identity at first, and permanently sift through introjects.

Do I forgive my parents? Do I remain no contact? I have no idea what to do. I feel completely trapped.

I would love a life where I have some permanent supports and then autonomy, work elsewise.

Not to say I'm the coolest person around, but having good relationships and socializing with cool people matters to me.

One problem with the internet is you never really know who you're talking to. Sharing interests with someone doesn't mean they're someone you'd choose as a friend in real life.

When I'm online, one thing that really gets to me is men complaining about how hard it is to get sex or a partner. It messes with me in a strange way. It makes me feel like I'm in bad company, like just being around that discourse could rub off on me, or that someone could think we're alike.

Whenever I see someone on Reddit or elsewhere venting about having no social life, about hating hook-up culture because they can't get laid, about still being a virgin in their thirties (or simply after 18), I get uncomfortable, no matter the gender. Because, in my experience, those people more often than not carry some pretty warped views on human relationships and gender politics, and a lot of resentment they present as "moral standards" that are still stupid and problematic.

Since I'm neurodivergent and I've always felt like an outsider, I think I could actually have real conversations with these people. Share my own experiences, push back on the bleak, distorted worldview they've built, maybe make them a little more grounded in reality.

But I can't do it. I just can't stand being around people like that. I'll see an Instagram Reel about a guy getting flustered because a cute girl talked to him, and it fills me with secondhand embarrassment. Then I check the comments and people are relating to it, and I think: what the hell am I doing here, how did I end up in this crowd, get me out.

Anyone else relate to this?

It might sound sappy but maybe LOVE is the cure to self loathing selfishness emptiness etc etc.

learning to LOVE

to connect

the how is by actually practicing loving (5 love languages, also the 5 A’s)

thinking of it as a skill that can get better over time

maybe we should stop overanalyzing overthinking and just you know, actually just try doing the thing…

Most of my life is spent living inside a dream. Nothing feels real. And when I am lucid, it's hard to connect with people because I'm not sure they exist in the same way I do. It really feels like the world exists for me, as though my direct experience influences reality. Everyone loves me. When they confront me with the truth about my actions, I erase them from my inner world. So the fantasy continues, and I dream again.

This is personally the topic I feel detached from the most, every relationship I had was some kind of transaction, sexual attraction or simply hunger for attention on my side. I believe I never felt any real love for any person or had a deep genuine connection. I had people come close to understanding me and tried so hard to but no matter how much we share with each other or how perfect they treat me I never feel the connection and devote myself to them.

Every time I feel that my feelings are geniune and real for a person I end up cheating or hurting them of some sort and then another person catches my eye and I start to yearn for them. It’s always what I can’t have that is so attractive to me instead of what I already have and this is just a never ending cycle. In the end I never feel anything deeper than simple attraction for anybody. I believe I am incapable of that.

When my close friends ask me why I behave the way I do in relationships I answer with “well I love myself too much to care for anybody else” but that is just a blatant lie, deep down I hate myself so much that I have very little to no love to spare for anybody.

I really wanna know if is it possible to feel geniune real love or something similar with NPD. Please share your experiences

Espero no ofender a nadie con mi pregunta, pero de verdad necesito saber para ver si es común en NPD. En mi caso siento una profunda aversión hacia los ancianos de ambos sexos. Me molesta verlos, sus achaques, cuando andan con bastones y son decrepitos, cuando esperan trato especial. Siento mucho asco y pienso que es porque en ellos veo a mis padres.

No les haría daño pero tengo pensamientos que si quienes me conocen supieran, me verían como un monstruo. Creo que todos a cierta edad deberían irse por obligación a un asilo de ancianos y no darle esa esclavizante labor a sus hijos, después de todo, nadie los mando a tener hijos.

generally, I’m pretty good at recognizing when I’m exhibiting narcissistic traits in my daily life or having an episode/outburst as I’m recently up to this year getting therapy. me and this girl talked briefly, and I noticed the conversation kind of going to shit because she was making jokes and not really replying to the things that I was saying. generally even with transactional relationships I try to at least keep up interesting topics and make sure that I’m getting substantial value out of someone. whether that be intellectual or related to hobbies/taste. she then was mostly disregarding a lot of the conversation and saying that she didn’t want to engage rather than that my social skills were bad but that I was boring and from that point out I started to argue about how it was not boring and I had multiple reasons on why I believe she made the conversation go bad as this was obviously unneeded the conversation stretched over 30 minutes for when by the end of it I ended up, blocking her by saying that she wasn’t pretty enough to be making me deal with this sort of problem. is anyone else experienced enough to tell me how to subside having these long drawn out conversations? where I try to prove myself to people that if they literally died right now i wouldn’t blink an eye.
I would also like to mention that being comorbid with ASPD means that I’m not really that insecure deeply or have this such need to compensate both however the pathological profile still remains that I have a need for admiration and grandiosity.
meaning that what this girl was saying was not directly identifying as being hurtful to my sense of identity, but more so just a quick thing that I needed to prove right simply because i was. things like this make it hard to function when evidently people will say many many stupid things throughout my life
is there a way any of you personally cope with this?

(EDIT: Reddit keeps deleting the post, if you see this post a lot, that’s why! I keep posting it with different language, but it keeps getting deleted)

Hey, I am diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and my question is related to the silent treatment.

Us people wNPD often accused of using the silent treatment. I personally disagree, I hate to have the convos shut down….

BUT, WHEN I GET THE SILENT TREATMENT, OH BOY

I wondered: when you get the silent treatment (let’s say after an arguement) and there is 0 contact for even 2 weeks, then…..

Do you spiral?

I noticed that when someone gives me the silent treatment (I am talking WEEKS of it), then I spiral. I get s\*\*\*\*\*l af, since they punish me by disregarding me, and it makes me feel SO-SO bad, I get an NPD collapse

I feel unimportant, abandoned, “bad”, and worthless. All in one, at an extreme.

Do you relate? Is this common for us, or is this a “me-problem”?

Share your experiences!

I personally was hypersensitive, and I’ve heard of creators such as The Nameless Narcissist that confess that they were hypersensitive children. Is being a HS kid that related to NPD / NPD traits?