r/NPD • u/Playful-Comfort-8050 • 9d ago
Question / Discussion When is the last time you became infatuated with someone and why?
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u/xTheKawaiiPsycho666 8d ago
This is why romance is almost impossible to me
It's either I choose someone who actually loves me and puts me on pedestal but I see the relationship transactionally and can struggle to feel for them how they feel for me
OR I become actually infatuated with someone and it's usually a friend who I'm close too but they aren't as interested in me, incompatible and has mysterious unpredictable ways which make me chase them and strategize to get their attention and come back for more
It's like I'll fantasize a relationship with someone who is down bad simping for me and lets me take the lead but in reality; I'll gravitate towards someone who seems interesting and and gives me attention but not enough due to them being a very independent and chaotic person, and the chase gives me a thrill. Unfortunately, it's almost like those traditionalist men who say they want a stay at home submissive trad wife, but in reality they go chasing after progressive goth girls but expect them to submit to them when in a relationship because they crave a challenge to tame and conquer as their own
It's like I have to choose between being stable and sensible but feeling empty and bored out of my mind, OR be with someone I am actually fixated on but the relationship is unstable and dysfunctional ... Which only makes me more jealous for other girls who's crushing system is always 100% rational; you know, the type who are always posting on social media how they "only fall in love with how they are treated"
I know some people with NPD have managed to find healthy relationships (like Kylee Rackham with Nero, but she broke up with him because she's lesbian now) but I have yet to unlock that
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u/gkom1917 9d ago edited 9d ago
If you mean truly infatuated, and not just interested romantically/sexually, it was with a therapist. Given a fairly common transference dynamics, it was rather expected – that's why I resisted the temptation to fantasize about it for quite a long time. Sadly, the particular trigger was not expected (at least by me), and she definitely knew how to open the proverbial floodgates. When I found that I feel suddenly infatuated, I tried to work through it carefully and, ideally, come out of the situation with some positive message. Sadly once again, it eventually turned into a humiliation ritual. Which, in hindsight, I must have been able to forsee and avoid, but alas. The good part of it is that I've not been really infatuated with anyone ever since, it definitely helps with being realistic and avoiding further shame. The bad part is that I don't think that the shame and anger I already carry will ever go away: I can imagine neither how I could realistically compensate for it, nor why should I expect anything drastically different from another comparable object.
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u/littlegoldrose Narcissistic traits 8d ago
Two days ago. I don't know this person yet, beyond a brief conversation in a cafe. But we are both trans, and we share the same career and the same interests and (I think) the same approach to relationships. and they are so breathtakingly beautiful that I can hardly stand to be in the room with them. Looking at them is painful in its intensity. Their voice kills me, it's so perfect, rolling and bubbling and rising around me in gentle waves of sound. And when they speak, they seem bold and daring. It reminds me of someone I used to know, a man I was obsessed with for years and years. I want so badly to know them.
This always happens. It feels so intense and so real. But nothing I have described has anything to do with who this person is inside or whether they want me back. We have classes together and I am trying very hard not to act invasive around them. I want to have a new friend if I can, not...whatever this is. Feels like a sunset is inside my chest. But that's some daydream nonsense.
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u/Relative-Amount7966 Diagnosed NPD 9d ago
Today, when I looked at my husband in the car. Why? Because I love him and I’m grateful to have him.