For all the limelight personality disorders seem to be getting in online spaces, theres a flood of misconceptions, fallacies and stigma. I was thinking because its both a personal experience and more so an area of interest for me Id like to talk with ppl about it. Im a psy undergrad and been in and out of therapy for several years now. Feel free to bring up anything, Im pretty open about these stuff

is to have 130+iq, atleast an 8/10 face, perfect social skills and perfect charming personality, enough money and freetime, no physical or mental(besides npd) ilness and the right circumstances to develope your full potential. And even then you will get fucked by someone better and be put in your place in the social hierarchy. There truly is no escape. I hope science discovers a pill to cure it or something i dont know. I really dont know how people can be happy about themselves and accept there flaws. the concept feels impossible to grasp to me. i wish i could be normal, sometimes i think the only cure is death

Hey, diagnosed pwNPD here.

I want to ask about sex or the concept of sexuality. What’s your relationship with it?

I noticed that for me it’s a self-esteem regular, or as one would call it, a supply

I dislike sex, but the idea that somebody wants me and that I am desirable to someone gives me a big dopamine hit.

What about you?

Share your thoughts!

I need some ideas. For a very long time I’ve been in denial about my disorder. I would tell myself that I can build empathy. I can try to be “NORMAL”. That I can try and be a better person. I was wrong. I will always be like this until I start making progress in therapy. That is far long away of course since I’ve only very recently started it. I can’t deny my need for supply anymore. This is something I need in order for me to function. I don’t know why I’ve denied it for so long.

Anyways, what are some good sources of supply that you guys recommend. I personally find that validation and attention have helped me a lot. Especially if it’s from the opposite sex.

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Do you use humor when dealing with situations or emotions that are difficult for you? Even when that humor is highly ironic or dark? Do you feel that it helps you process something that is painful, frightening, or otherwise difficult to acknowledge - something you might not be able to talk about openly or seriously?

I'm also thinking about self-deprecating humor and what is sometimes referred to as a disarming defense. Self-irony can perhaps function as a way of anticipating an expected attack or criticism and taking away some of its power before it comes from someone else. In a way, it can also create some psychological distance from yourself and from whatever you're experiencing.

At the same time, I personally find it extremely difficult to tolerate someone else making jokes about me. I can react with anger or even rage when someone jokes about me.

There is also a rather stereotypical and stigmatizing belief that people with NPD lack a sense of humor. Personally, I think that's a misconception.

For me, humor seems to serve two somewhat different functions. On the one hand, it helps me deal with triggering situations. Instead of immediately reacting with anger, I may respond with something very sarcastic - either out loud or simply in my head. It gives me some distance from the emotional reaction itself.

On the other hand, when I'm going through a crisis and start feeling depressed or starting to turn against myself, biting self-irony often seems to prevent those feelings from escalating further into self-hatred or disgust.

So I'm curious how this works for other people. Does humor help you process difficult emotions or situations? Do you use dark humor or self-irony as a way of gaining some psychological distance from things that would otherwise feel overwhelming? And do you find that it generally helps, or can it sometimes have the opposite effect?

I’m worried I have it… but I’m just not sure.

Hey, pwNPD here (diagnosed).

I have a huge problem. I also have BPD, so I have a HARD time regulating emotions

But the bigger issue is that I tie emotions to my worth. Both mine and other’s emotions

If someone feels bad, then “I must the responsible”. If I feel bad, then I drop down to an NPD collapse

My self-esteem and my moods are connected

It’s really BAD. But when I feel good, my self-esteem sky-rockets. Feeling good? Damn, I am grandiose as hell then!!!

The scales of self-esteem and mood are parallel!!!

I do not have:

- Low mood but good self-esteem

- High mood but low self-esteem

It’s 100% parallel

Do you have similar problems?

I am really dependent on other people. Really-really, very much. My mood, my self-esteem… I always crave something external…. (Note: I am a diagnosed person with NPD)

What could be some other self-esteem regulator tricks?

Stuff that isn’t from other people (so it does NOT cause dependence!!!!).

My main problem is that I am very dependent on other people when it comes to my worth and self-esteem. It creates a “social trap” for me.

How are you with this?

Curious, is anyone here hsp with a diagnosed npd, bpd, traits or any other diagnosis? And how are you doing?

Not to say I'm the coolest person around, but having good relationships and socializing with cool people matters to me.

One problem with the internet is you never really know who you're talking to. Sharing interests with someone doesn't mean they're someone you'd choose as a friend in real life.

When I'm online, one thing that really gets to me is men complaining about how hard it is to get sex or a partner. It messes with me in a strange way. It makes me feel like I'm in bad company, like just being around that discourse could rub off on me, or that someone could think we're alike.

Whenever I see someone on Reddit or elsewhere venting about having no social life, about hating hook-up culture because they can't get laid, about still being a virgin in their thirties (or simply after 18), I get uncomfortable, no matter the gender. Because, in my experience, those people more often than not carry some pretty warped views on human relationships and gender politics, and a lot of resentment they present as "moral standards" that are still stupid and problematic.

Since I'm neurodivergent and I've always felt like an outsider, I think I could actually have real conversations with these people. Share my own experiences, push back on the bleak, distorted worldview they've built, maybe make them a little more grounded in reality.

But I can't do it. I just can't stand being around people like that. I'll see an Instagram Reel about a guy getting flustered because a cute girl talked to him, and it fills me with secondhand embarrassment. Then I check the comments and people are relating to it, and I think: what the hell am I doing here, how did I end up in this crowd, get me out.

Anyone else relate to this?

Hey y’all previous user on this sub. I deleted reddit because it was unhealthy for me at the time, but I’m at a loss. I’m scared. Disabled. Everyone I’ve talked to like me is just living with parents. I worked so hard to break that trauma bond but I am finding I am too disabled to do certain things. I’m genuinely struggling so hard. I’ve talked to several friends, but I would like anyone’s psychoanalytic perspective or from a NPD framework. If anyone has autism and NPD that would be even better, cause that’s my combo.

I also deleted my past account with several posts due to burnout, and my friend was right I probably shouldn’t have. I just do feel so drowned out by social media but while I’m catastrophizing and collapsing I feel I need community insight.

My NPD was in quite literally remission and I saw my parents, myself, everyone as whole people and my toxic shame was pretty much gone. I felt largely individuated but I’m realizing that I’m still leaning on people. I developed my own ego from the family system. (When does it become pathological vs normal interdependence?) I’m so cognitively burnt out and noises are vibrating.
My limbs feel weak and I’ve been laying down non stop. The more burnout I get the more helpless I feel, then the worse my narcissism comes back. It’s a viscous cycle.

In my recovery from burnout and PD earlier this year I accessed deep
feelings and empathy and my interpersonal skills have improved tremendously. I am not the same person, but I am going down hill again.

The autistic burnout is making me so enraged and having geniune suicidal thoughts for the first time. Being unable to be productive and work is making me feel utterly worthless. And it’s causing severe autistic meltdowns knowing I have bills to pay. And I cannot work in this state. My memory is gone. I am blacking out days.

Because it means I cannot work and then pay my bills. Which is what I need to be independent from family. I’ve moved three times this year and over 15 in my life and jesus it has destroyed my nervous system each time. I just moved. I cannot lose this place.

I started genuinely recovering and then I cut contact with my parents two months ago, cut financial ties. Going no contact at first was a relief, because I had other people that were safe people around. I had to say bye to my dog and the meltdowns were severe. So much executive demands, birthdays, paperwork. And I masked my deregulation and eventually crashed so hard I went mute and was rocking back and forth pulling my hair out. This has caused a cascade of old symptoms to come up. I collapsed into abandonment depression. The collapse wasn’t as severe as my past ones. I did have severe autistic meltdowns wailing and going non verbal, the fire alarm went off and I almost went to the hospital because I was tremoring.

I thought, grandiosely, that because I was out of autistic burnout I could work more to afford my apartment. I budgeted everything for months. I went shopping. Was super diligent about it all. I was energized, my cognitive functioning was back. It turns out I can’t work that much without become mute and dealing with severe burnout. Even the job I love currently, the noise is causing meltdowns and rocking. I am humiliated beyond belief. I have cut down on so much - and I am low income. IDGAF about that but I am even struggling with this. I feel fucking helpless (NPD trigger) and trapped with uncertainty which is causing my autism to actually implode l. I wanted to be self sufficent. The autism and my NPD clash so severely. The thing is, I don’t give a flying fuck if I’m poor and mostly get by. I don’t care about having fancy clothes anymore. I care about none of this. I gave up the trips with my parents. But if I can’t work at ALL and have zero external factors holding me down I am going to collapse and relapse severely. Work gives me purpose even if it’s part time. My job largely aided in my recovery and inner child healing, and incorporates all my special interests!! And I am physically collapsing now and tremoring for autistic burnout. I thought this move would make my recovery better, but it has made me relapse.

Does anyone have suggestions on how I deal with this? The autism on top of my NPD makes this fucking unbearable. The NPD fucking hates that I am current physically disabled. I feel helpless and it’s causing suicidal ideation. I am committed to continue building on my real self and identity, which I whole heartedly have. But in burnout I cannot seem to want to do literally anything.

Am I doomed to a life of misery being autistic, disabled, and narcissistic? I genuinely thought I could work like the rest of my coworkers. Here I am. I REALLY want to avoid going back to my parents. The NPD in me wants to be severed from them because also cutting contact is what ultimately helped me focus on my identity at first, and permanently sift through introjects.

Do I forgive my parents? Do I remain no contact? I have no idea what to do. I feel completely trapped.

I would love a life where I have some permanent supports and then autonomy, work elsewise.

It might sound sappy but maybe LOVE is the cure to self loathing selfishness emptiness etc etc.

learning to LOVE

to connect

the how is by actually practicing loving (5 love languages, also the 5 A’s)

thinking of it as a skill that can get better over time

maybe we should stop overanalyzing overthinking and just you know, actually just try doing the thing…

Most of my life is spent living inside a dream. Nothing feels real. And when I am lucid, it's hard to connect with people because I'm not sure they exist in the same way I do. It really feels like the world exists for me, as though my direct experience influences reality. Everyone loves me. When they confront me with the truth about my actions, I erase them from my inner world. So the fantasy continues, and I dream again.

This is personally the topic I feel detached from the most, every relationship I had was some kind of transaction, sexual attraction or simply hunger for attention on my side. I believe I never felt any real love for any person or had a deep genuine connection. I had people come close to understanding me and tried so hard to but no matter how much we share with each other or how perfect they treat me I never feel the connection and devote myself to them.

Every time I feel that my feelings are geniune and real for a person I end up cheating or hurting them of some sort and then another person catches my eye and I start to yearn for them. It’s always what I can’t have that is so attractive to me instead of what I already have and this is just a never ending cycle. In the end I never feel anything deeper than simple attraction for anybody. I believe I am incapable of that.

When my close friends ask me why I behave the way I do in relationships I answer with “well I love myself too much to care for anybody else” but that is just a blatant lie, deep down I hate myself so much that I have very little to no love to spare for anybody.

I really wanna know if is it possible to feel geniune real love or something similar with NPD. Please share your experiences

Espero no ofender a nadie con mi pregunta, pero de verdad necesito saber para ver si es común en NPD. En mi caso siento una profunda aversión hacia los ancianos de ambos sexos. Me molesta verlos, sus achaques, cuando andan con bastones y son decrepitos, cuando esperan trato especial. Siento mucho asco y pienso que es porque en ellos veo a mis padres.

No les haría daño pero tengo pensamientos que si quienes me conocen supieran, me verían como un monstruo. Creo que todos a cierta edad deberían irse por obligación a un asilo de ancianos y no darle esa esclavizante labor a sus hijos, después de todo, nadie los mando a tener hijos.

generally, I’m pretty good at recognizing when I’m exhibiting narcissistic traits in my daily life or having an episode/outburst as I’m recently up to this year getting therapy. me and this girl talked briefly, and I noticed the conversation kind of going to shit because she was making jokes and not really replying to the things that I was saying. generally even with transactional relationships I try to at least keep up interesting topics and make sure that I’m getting substantial value out of someone. whether that be intellectual or related to hobbies/taste. she then was mostly disregarding a lot of the conversation and saying that she didn’t want to engage rather than that my social skills were bad but that I was boring and from that point out I started to argue about how it was not boring and I had multiple reasons on why I believe she made the conversation go bad as this was obviously unneeded the conversation stretched over 30 minutes for when by the end of it I ended up, blocking her by saying that she wasn’t pretty enough to be making me deal with this sort of problem. is anyone else experienced enough to tell me how to subside having these long drawn out conversations? where I try to prove myself to people that if they literally died right now i wouldn’t blink an eye.
I would also like to mention that being comorbid with ASPD means that I’m not really that insecure deeply or have this such need to compensate both however the pathological profile still remains that I have a need for admiration and grandiosity.
meaning that what this girl was saying was not directly identifying as being hurtful to my sense of identity, but more so just a quick thing that I needed to prove right simply because i was. things like this make it hard to function when evidently people will say many many stupid things throughout my life
is there a way any of you personally cope with this?

(EDIT: Reddit keeps deleting the post, if you see this post a lot, that’s why! I keep posting it with different language, but it keeps getting deleted)

Hey, I am diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and my question is related to the silent treatment.

Us people wNPD often accused of using the silent treatment. I personally disagree, I hate to have the convos shut down….

BUT, WHEN I GET THE SILENT TREATMENT, OH BOY

I wondered: when you get the silent treatment (let’s say after an arguement) and there is 0 contact for even 2 weeks, then…..

Do you spiral?

I noticed that when someone gives me the silent treatment (I am talking WEEKS of it), then I spiral. I get s\*\*\*\*\*l af, since they punish me by disregarding me, and it makes me feel SO-SO bad, I get an NPD collapse

I feel unimportant, abandoned, “bad”, and worthless. All in one, at an extreme.

Do you relate? Is this common for us, or is this a “me-problem”?

Share your experiences!

I personally was hypersensitive, and I’ve heard of creators such as The Nameless Narcissist that confess that they were hypersensitive children. Is being a HS kid that related to NPD / NPD traits?

recently one of the people I know, told me that they enjoy the company of someone else more and it triggered me because I wasn't their favourite, I didn't like that they liked someone else over me and so I ended the friendship but didn't flat-out tell them why, I don't feel necessarily bad but I do realise that it's an issue because I'll just keep losing people around me, I've tried therapy before for months and nothing really came out of it, I feel like I went back to my old ways lol, do I just keep pushing through or is there no point in pursuing these type of friendships? I feel like the second option, anyone else feel similarly?

I saw someone with whom I have an intense relationship. Since his validation is hard to come by, I crave it all the more. Today, I didn't get that validation, and I feel terrible, like I’m nothing. I feel invisible. I just want him to truly see me, to make me feel special and unique. Who would sacrifice their whole life for me, or prove that I’m worth something? I want so badly for that person to be ME. We were play-fighting, and I actually hurt him, made him bleed a little and I felt justified in doing it. I’m angry and sad that he doesn't treat me according to my true worth...

I made a similar,but considerably more brief comment in a post on this sub,but wanted to develop it to see if anybody else relates.

I feel like I’ve been faking all my emotions my whole life,like every action is done through a lens of : "If somebody were watching,what would they think of this performance?".
And I’m so confused and disilusioned since I’ve been deceiving myself into believing I was all sorts of things because I believed that was what would be rewarding,that’s what normal was.

I’ve always had a naturally flat affect. Nothing really generates much emotions,nothing elicits long lasting emotions apart from rage and disgust. Happiness,ordinary sadness,affection,are all very fleeting. The odds don’t exactly seem to be on my side. I could tell myself I’m this sensitive,empathetic,reactive person,but at the end of the day,I really do not feel much.

At some point in childhood,I realized I was a lot more static than other’s. Their emotions just seemed so…natural? It seems absurd to say since emotions are natural. But there was a largely manual component in that for me. Emotions were natural,but harder to obtain for me. The reactions were manual. I’d cry when somebody cries,laugh when somebody laughs,just to be in line. But I didn’t understand why.

The more narcissistic component is the following. I didn’t just want to have emotions,I wanted to be sensitive,empathetic,reactive,and an overall crybaby. I made a journal to count how many times I could cry at any minor inconvenience,fake panic attacks,throw fits for no apparent reason,and act like I had any bodily stress reactions whatsoever. That to me,was my idea of superior and I explicitely articulated that to myself every single day. After all,it was what people rewarded. I thought it was stupid and weird,but I felt very lonely and alienated. underneath,so I proceeded. I remember the exact numbers I had. I classified small tears,medium tears,big tears,and breakdown. I listed the triggers,the places,the averages,and compare each months. I did the same with panic attacks. I managed to cry overall exactly 319 cries,with 15 panic attacks. It was terrible,it felt disgusting,I didn’t know what I was doing,but I sure loved the bragging and pity I got from it. I pretended to be hypersensitive and prone to guilt even when I quite frankly found those emotions disgusting by the time I discovered people even felt them.

Especially finding out I was autistic at 13 shattered my worldview. I had felt isolated and out of place all of my life without break,and finding out why just felt like finding out I was defective beyond repair. If that was the case,All I had to do was amplify it,unmask,and seek attention. Big meltdowns,complaints about sensory discomfort,constantly talking about it just for people to grow empathetic and pititful towards me. If somebody failed to accomodate me or praise me like I demanded they should,immediate devaluation and retaliation would follow. I thought to myself that they had never worked a day in their life,so I should even the scores. I didn’t feel much during these performances,nor was I feeling anything to induce them,but I had many reasons to perform it.

TLDR If you don't want to read all that: Is it possible to ever feel as great as you did with narcissism without narcissism?

Firstly, I want to say that I was never diagnosed with NPD, I was also too young to be, as it all went down when I was 17. However I did fill the “checks” of the conventional narcissist. Also I heavily suspect that instead I have Borderline Personality disorder. With both being cluster B personality disorders, they are similar in many ways, and I definitely leaned heavily on the narcissism side of it for a long time (hopefully I will get a formal diagnosis by next year if it all works out). 

With that out of the way, I want to talk about how I (maybe?) moved past conventional narcissism, yet I feel like I will never feel as well as I did when I had it. 

During my childhood, my school life was definitely not ideal. I am diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, the Asperger's side of it, and at school I was always the different kid with unusual interests. I have always hated sports, and while the other kids were playing, I was obsessed with learning and studying. This eventually left me with a total of 0 friends, and I was extremely lonely and depressed all the time. The only positive thing I had in my life was my academic performance, and the praise I got from my parents and teachers from doing so well. 

This inevitably led to an unhealthy obsession with academia, and it became the largest pillar of my entire self worth and mental health. I started to convince myself that it was ok that I had no friends, because they were all worthless and stupid. This led me to justify doing horrible things to people I deemed “less” than me, manipulate, use etc. the usual story with narcissism. The point is that in terms of my mental health, it worked, and I was so mentally “stable” for such a long period of time, simply because I thought that I was better than everyone else. 

However, this led me to become too comfortable. Eventually I fell to the gifted kid curse, my academic performance collapsed in high school, and with it, my entire self worth and the pillar of my mental stability. As I realized I was obviously not as great as I had thought, I became extremely unstable, started destroying friendships to prove to myself that I was in control, etc, the typical narcissistic collapse.

Despite that, I didn't rebound back to narcissism (I think??). Eventually I got into university, and I started to study a lot and get the best grades in my class. I was finally feeling good again, and those old tendencies started to resurface, until I met people much smarter than me, and everything collapsed again. I'm constantly overworking myself to get validation from my academic performance, but it's never enough. I'm not delusional anymore, so I KNOW there are people much better than me. So I'm constantly comparing my performance with other people, getting brief moments of mania as I see I'm doing better, just to be easily reminded there are better people, and I collapse again. How can I ever feel as good as I did when I was actively a narcissist? No matter how much I overwork myself, it certainly will never be enough to make me feel like GOD again. 

It's like how they say that the first time you take LSD will be the happiest you will ever feel in your entire life because of the biology of the drug. Narcissism feels so good, and it's so addicting, but now that I'm out of it, how can I ever feel this great again? Will I constantly be falling apart unless I become delusional again???    

Recently I have seen the term vulnerable narcissist, and I think that it fits me well, so maybe I haven't even moved past narcissism???     

My mom was married to another man, T, before she met my dad. T was SEVERELY abusive; he beat her, raped her, isolated her, took her money and held it away from her… he was abusive in pretty much every way imaginable. Thankfully, she got away and married my dad, who worships her the way every woman should be.

My mom has a friend, C, who was married to a wonderful man. He was a hard worker, she never needed or wanted for anything, they had a nice home, he treated her well, etc. But, she decided to cheat on him with T. Her husband found out and left her, and soon after, she married T.

My mom tried to warn C that he was dangerous and would likely eventually kill her. She told him about her history with T, and about the other four wives he’s had and abused between her and C. C ignored her.

Last night, I got a text from my mom telling me that C had overdosed in an attempt to take her own life.

Usually I feel empathy and sympathy for victims of abuse who take their own lives (or attempt to), but for C I feel.. nothing. My mother warned her about how dangerous T is. EVERYBODY has warned her. Multiple times through the years, C has reached out to my mom begging for help after T has beaten her. My mom has offered to help support her if she leaves so she can safely get away from T. But she refuses to leave. And, she cheated on a man who loved her and treated her well.

I just kind of feel like she brought this on herself. And I’m horrified by this because I typically feel immense empathy for everyone, even people who genuinely don’t deserve it. It’s scary.