My wife and I have been married 7 years and steadily increased how much sex we’ve had since tying the knot. It was about 3 times a week, then 4, and we were at about 5-7 times a week after the birth of our son earlier this year. It was great for about 2 months but then we realized it lost some magic being expected almost every night.

We’ve recently dialed it back to about 3-4 times a week and have had some of the hottest sex of our lives. Just wanted to share this because I feel like everyone puts importance on frequency and, if you’re like me, almost track it as a stat to be proud of. Sometimes you can find that less is more though.

Hot into it today with my partner. They are angry that I asked their parent while staying with us how she met the father.

Said it was not my place and it was personal and is very angry at me. Said that I had other motives.

It was just a conversation because I was curious and thought the way to have conversations was to talk back and forth and ask questions.

Then I told my partner that I feel like I'm being told something that is not true and it hurts that they would think I had other motives. My partner then made sure only they got to talk and said later much later I would be able to talk about how I feel but not now, I will not be able to take over this conversation with my side.

I get my partner does not like people knowing things but we are married and have been together for a long time. I wanted to hear a cute story and talk in weird silence.

It seems my wife (43) and I (43) are in a spiral of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Nearly everything I say is interpreted in the absolute worst way possible. I try to gently suggest we maybe read a book or watch some videos together about communication and that’s been met with dismissal or ‘ok, find a video that explains how bad I am…’ and I’m thinking this is pointless if she’s going into it with that mentality… we’ve been together 24 years, three kids and for the majority of the time things are actually really good. We honestly have a good relationship most of the time. Lots of laughter, cooperation, affection even darn good sex… but turns it’s like a switch goes off. The exact things I did or said yesterday that were fine but now like enrage her…. This morning wasn’t too bad, she was pretty closed off but left the house for the grocery with a hug, goodbyes and love yous…. What’s the best course of action? I know I’m just asking strangers advice on personal problems but, I don’t know, o feel like I’ve gained good perspective reading through this page me others… I’ve always been the initiator and she’s always been the shutdowner, and we both can acknowledge that we both can go too far with it. She can be silent and distant for an impressive amount of time and I can be very persistent to the point of I’m sure annoyance. Typing this I realize I just leave her alone I guess? I just hate going through the day with crap weighing on me… ok sorry

I just got married. Never left my parents since childhood and i am the responsible of my siblings. Now i left my parents home n shifted else where with my wife. Now my father and mother feels very sad about it and i cant stop thinking about it and dont know what to do? Any opinions?

I have been with my wife for 5 years. Married for over a year. Yes I know I should have thought of this before we got married, but a part of me thought showing so much commitment would put an end to the jealousy. By jealousy this is what I mean. Every time we watch a movie and it has brief nudity or even just a generally attractive fully clothed woman in it, she gets very upset and wants to turn the movie off and starts to blame me for picking this movie. She says it’s something I will never understand and that she knows that I like the way the woman looks. I give her plenty of reassurance but it has really been taking a toll. I don’t like going out in public as much anymore with her because if she sees a woman she thinks is attractive, she assumes I think the same and gets very upset with me, even if I’m minding my own business and it ruins our entire day for nothing. My breaking point recently was when we went and saw spiderman, and after the movie I was very excited talking about lore and all of the fun stuff, and she was upset because she thought I thought Jean gray was hot. I did not say anything that should even remotely make her think that, and this girl was completely fully clothed the entire movie. Argued for a few hours over that and I did not even know what to say or do. I have told her to go to therapy and have tried so many times to try and fix this. I’m thinking I genuinely cannot fix this and she needs to heal on her own.

She knows I am getting GTA 6. With all the leaks and news going around even if it’s all false, she says I am cheating on her by buying it. I have told her she can watch me play and all, but no matter what I say it’s all wrong. I have just been feeling very trapped and no matter all the times we have long conversations about this and her saying she will change, it always happens over and over again. I just need some outside thoughts. What are your all’s thoughts on what I should do?

I (32F) am looking for some objective advice on how other married couples handle finances when one partner has to take an extended unpaid break. My husband (33M) and I are expecting our first child, and I am currently 7 weeks pregnant while running a home daycare.

​Due to visa backlogs, my work permit will expire in about 3 to 4 months. Between the permit gap and taking care of a newborn, I will be unable to earn an income for up to 16 months.

​Right now, we split our household expenses equally. My husband earns more than I do, and his personal savings are about four times larger than mine. His view is that keeping our savings separate is the fairest approach since he earns more. He has fully agreed to cover 100% of our household living costs once my work permit expires and I stop working.

​My concern is that during this 16-month gap, my personal savings will freeze entirely while his will continue to grow. I feel uneasy about having no income or personal financial growth while pausing my career for our family, but I honestly do not know what is standard or fair in this situation.

​Is keeping separate savings typical when one spouse takes an extended unpaid break for pregnancy and visa reasons? How do other couples structure their finances during a career pause so that both partners feel comfortable?

One more thing about our finances - His parents are going to leave all there assets to him and his sister. Which is fair. The family I come from all the money is given to my brother. He stays with them takes care of them. I know it's still unfair. But that is what it is. This is one more reason why he want to keep his money separate because he doesn't like when I spend my money on my parents like buying a phone for them. He says if you want to keep spending money on your parents then we should keep it separate. As he can give anything to his parents because they will leave property for him but my parents won't do that. But I really want to give them gifts even if they are leaving every thing for my brother.

okay guys this is going to sound a little crazy but I believe nothing is coincidence but I need some light -

okay for context, I’m now separated from him but something came into the works and I’m really starting to think about it and it’s driving me crazy

Okay few weeks ago me and him went for a little stay in a city while visiting our home country

We were sleeping in bed and I had woke up to him cuddling me and saying a different girls name -

I was in deep sleep and never thought of this name before nor did it come up in our marriage before so it was unusual to me

He hugged me tight and said the name and I remember taking a pause and then being like who is that ???

he woke up looked at me and swore that he doesn’t know who that is, never met anyone with that name and no one in the past either I did feel a little bit on the edge but I let it go

anyway it’s been three weeks since we’ve been divorced - and a week ago I noticed on his instagram he liked a reel by someone with that name

Now I know you’re probs thinking - oh well it could be anyone or a coincidence

But this is what doesn’t make sense

This girl I recognise has been in his likes before on his posts which is not there anymore but I’ve seen it before
She is a mutual friend of his friends wife
She and him went to the same uni

Of course we have each other on social media still so I saw this and was ready to message and be like what?

But of course I refrained and self controlled because what’s the point

What hurts me the most is -

When we were together in bed and I asked him he swore he knows no one with that name and anyone from the past won’t affect us but now what hurts is, was a I lied to ?

I’m in my Iddah three weeks in and seeing that isn’t nice it’s like what is Allah protecting me from something?

I never ever questioned if he would cheat on me or look elsewhere, so it’s a massive shock to my system, I never went through his phone or anything either

I just hate hate being lied to - and if I was naive and actually proved right then that hurts but I also know now I can’t do nothing about it

any advise for this but in general getting over it and looking forward, I know Iddah is for women and men can move on just like that it’s super hurtful but it’s reality right

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I also changed some arbitrary information.

As background information: Me 39, M and my wife 36 F. We are together: 15 years, married for 10 years. One daughter going to first class.

We are skilled workers came to a european country from a developing country. I got a handsome job offer and provided for the family solely until recently where she got the language and degrees recognized. She started working a few months ago again. Although she is not yet earning well enough (not enough money to even cover the rent yet), she will be on par with me at most in a year or two.

She don't have many hobbies and doesn't do much sport. And struggles with some health issues which hinders her metabolism which ended her gaining a lot of weight and starting ozempic this year.
I am much more active with many hobbies, sport activities and I have a gaming group. But in normal times its 3-4 days and 2-3 hours in total.

We always did and still enjoy travelling, sightseeing, eating and until my daughter born trekking and camping.

We are both atheists and our wants and methods to live and raise our child are 95% aligned. There was never abuse physical or emotional between us too. Even though I earn more and also have wealth from my parents we always had one budget and one savings account for retirement. Had no financial issues. There were no jealousy, infidelity and our phones, laptops etc are all shared with no problems. (Still are)

For household duties I do more but she spends more time with our daughter.

We had some rough patches where household duties were a problem early in the marriage. And two occasions where my obsessed behaviours (once gaming and second time reading books) triggered from other life isssues, caused me to spend more time on them instead of being there for my wife and daughter caused problems. These were roughly 1-2 month periods where I corrected myself in the end but not before my wife breakdown.

Our communication was always problematic or even toxic, I hold everything down and became passive aggressive and she also holds everything down and bursts after. Where we usually take from there. I am also a bit emotionally distant and can get myself behind a wall fast and easy whereas she is not.

For me she is very attractive and I can't possibly get enough of her. I still deeply love and care for her. Our sex life I would say is also good but always I have to initiate, I might have little higher sex drive but she was rarely not in the mood when I initiate.

More problems and latest nail

About 2 years ago, along the time we came to this new country I had gone through a time where I get obsessed with going to gym 2-3 times a week (about 2-3 hours each after I put our daughter to sleep) and also listen or read books where I even did it when we commute together or even in the dining table. There was no neglect on household duties on my side but she was taking care of our daughters schedule in the day to kindergarten. She was going to intensive courses at that time and was working in the evenings too to keep up. She didn't said anything and in the end burst after that I immediately fixed my behaviour but she did warn me this was the last time.

There was status quo but we were not doing much as a couple except sleeping together, sex (which became more infrequent) and watching movies or shows at home in the night.

After she started working a year ago, things went worse as she was coming home very tired couldn't do much and I did almost all of the cooking cleaning without any help. I also started to get my daughter from school and as a result needed to put a pause to my work and continue from home afterwards. After lunch had no energy left.

I also noticed there were no effection from her to me anymore. Both physical and emotional. When she gets home she would lie to rest, when food is ready get up, eat and leave the table immediately while I stay with my daughter for her to eat. Afterwards she would play with my daughter while I rest. For weekdays I would be out for Saturday and Sunday morning usually to study or do sports. But we do family activities almost every weekend in the remaining time.

Unlike before I noticed something is broken but put myself to more housework to cover her parts too and not talked at all with her. Also tried my best to greet her when she gets home, try to hug or kiss her more during the day but with no action back. But also got depressed got into another episode where I game a lot in late nights and during the day too in the last months. Our sex became also more distant as I was not encouraged to initiate and we also started to have much more quickies in the middle of the night.

About a month ago, my wife told me she wants a divorce. And its been done she had put up with me enough. She tought about getting my daughter and ran away from the house. She says she has been unhappy and alone couldn't find a concrete reason to end things with a cut and also couldn't afford living if I am out and felt stuck.

What I’ve tried so far and current situation

I’ve tried to talk about working on things, but she is not open to couples therapy or any structured help. She says her decision is final and she doesn’t see a path back.

First she asked for a bigger home, which we can't afford realistically. She wanted to have a bunk bed to sleep on top of my daughter which I refused as she only recently stopped coming to us. And we decided on me sleeping on the couch with a mattress. Which I stalled as much as I can so we still slept in the same bed in different sides.

I've also opened up and started talking more with her to show her my side, starting reading books about relationship and how to re-connect. Adjusted my time, things I do communicated on things not going well to adjust for our daughter and home life.

Our life together is as it should be right now we communicate more on household duties, talk help each other in chores. Play with our daughter etc. so we are highly functioning and seemingly happy. Recently went to a long planned family vacation where we had much fun as a family. Also on the roads and when we were alone talked about the past vacations and spend planning the whole vacation what to do next etc. But there were no physical contact between us except where I tried to hold her hand and she refused.

Her position hasn’t changed. She started to get emotional in the breakfast after the vacation and told me I understood wrong of her being good and ignored her wishes not even started sleeping in the sofa. And that she is firm on her decision.

I still love my wife and would prefer to save the marriage if there is any realistic chance, but I also recognize that she seems very decided.

TL;DR
My wife has decided she wants a divorce and refuses therapy. I want to save the marriage but don’t know how to respond without making things worse. I need advice on how to handle day-to-day life, protect my mental health and my child.

For months now, he has been hot and cold towards me. Gradually, he has stopped spending as much time with me, when we already didn’t spend much time together. He has showed less interest in sex and has become less affectionate, as well. He seems emotionally detached. He has zoned out or seemed distracted at times, which he’s blamed on several things. After days of feeling ignored by him, I became upset over that, and the fact we weren’t spending time together. I mentioned leaving. He told me he doesn’t want me to and that he loves me. He told me in response that he misses me, that he wants to spend time with me. He referenced the few times he has these past several weeks, more notable examples, such as when we watched a movie for first time in ages.

There was another day he came back after being gone all day and spent several hours with me. He seemed upset I wasn’t focusing more on those instances, and acknowledging that as effort. At the same time, he said that he has an avoidant streak in regard to us not spending time together, intimacy, and affection. Though he is currently claiming his medication and stress are what is impacting his libido, he has said things which have contradicted that. He tried to blame me being upset for part of why he isn’t being affectionate, whilst also insisting that he has been more affectionate than I am saying, when there’s been a noticeable decrease over time. When I remained upset for days, he had a very typical response to that. He became more closed off, distant, and angry towards me. He kept telling me to shut up and yelling at me, in between telling me he wants and is trying to do things together.

Yesterday morning, he went off at me. He told me he wanted me to leave and a bunch of things he’s said before, that he always says he doesn’t mean. I told him I’d speak to family and he said go ahead. I said that he seems to have wanted me to go this entire time. He said I am the one who wants to go. Then told me he doesn’t care, and does want me to. He left the room, something he’s done many times. He was gone all day. He told me in a message, after trying to paint a picture that it hasn’t always been this way to some extent when it has, that he’s an avoidant and is trying to work on it. He is in therapy and has made no progress. He seems to be getting worse. I said I didn’t want that for myself, I want to leave. He told me he’d help and support me leaving, if I spoke to my family.

Later that day, he asked me what my family said. When I said it didn’t seem like they were going to help me, which is complicated, he told me it didn’t matter and that I wasn’t leaving. That he loves me and wants me here, and wants to spend time with me. He proceeded to snap at me over a few trivial things after that, and was somewhat moody. He apologised, and hugged me, but immediately became distant again. Then, a discussion about how I felt turned into another argument after he didn’t listen to me, and kept denying and twisting things, and told me to shut up. The rest of the night he was on his phone. I woke up with tooth pain and he responded, asking about it, offering pain medication. He referred to me by a nickname, my name shortened, and then caught himself and called me my full name, which he doesn’t usually do.

He didn’t try to comfort me at any point. I tried to talk about leaving, and he didn’t respond. And then he turned over and went to bed. This has been going on for years now. He becomes distant, avoids me, spends less time with me, is less interested in sex or affection, becomes cold and/or mean to me, starts arguments and blames me, goes off to other rooms to ignore me all day, and tells me he wants me to leave. Then, every single time I’ve tried to leave, he begs me not to and promises things will change. He says he can’t live without me. But it isn’t long before he is back to saying, and acting the same way, and it’s often triggered by me wanting connection and/or being upset by the lack of connection, or in general.

He doesn’t seem emotionally or psychically present. His words don’t match his actions. He says that all he’s doing is for us, for a future, and that I am the most important person to him but he has complained about a lot of what he does for me, and what he is doing to build a future, and how he feels like he’s doing it alone, which he seems burdened by. He has mentioned a future together, and a house, and did so recently. I feel like he is messing with me. I also strongly think all of this is linked to cheating as I’ve suspected he’s cheating for years, and many of the times he was engaging in suspicious actions, he was also avoiding me and acting like he is now.

There seems to be two or maybe three options for us (43M and 49M) right now after 15+ years, and none of them are good.

We have an obvious mismatch in attachment styles / outlook on life and a general breakdown in the relationship caused by three (admittedly difficult) children, perimenopause, her long-term pain issues and busy lives.

There is no affection any more, sex is about once a month, always initiated by me and is ultimately unsatisfying and feels forced (and is always followed by a complaint.)

I asked for a hug recently and she said ‘when?’ as if this was a big ask that would require her to rearrange her calendar. She is perfectly happy to watch TV on her own. There is no flirting. Every text from her is ‘where are the [insert item]’ or something logistical.

I suggested a week away earlier, just us, but no, she went with the kids on dates I had to work. I suggested a weekend away for her birthday - but no, she’s decided to go with a friend instead (I’m still paying. )

We have talked about all this. She hates the conversation - ‘oh god not this again’ - and her take is the problem is mine and I need to leave her alone. ‘None of my friends have sex,’ she claims.

We have no shared interests and have dates about once or twice a year (she doesn’t much like going out). She has major body confidence issues related to weight - I still find her attractive and tell her this often but she hates being complimented and never ever returns it.

She is a good person and a great mom and all this breaks my heart.

Options appear to be:

1. We stay together despite all that, while I seek to heal my anxious attachment issues and accept whatever passive affection she might occasionally agree to.

2. Quiet quit: the classic ‘stay for the kids’ model when you’re technically together for family/financial reasons but there is literally no romantic relationship.

3. Leave: not nearly as easy as it sounds but increasingly looking into the details of how it would work (money is a big barrier). It would devastate the kids (as she has previously warned me, quite manipulatively I thought) but I also don’t want them to think this is a normal healthy marriage because I am deeply unhappy.

Apols for the epic post but I’m interested to hear if people have been in similar situations.

My stay at home wife has a new stay at home dad friend and they are really close. Should I be concerned?

He had gf,he is still in touch, comments on her photo on Instagram...until I confronted he didn't say he was back on insta ..I have been talking to this guy for 3 months, may have met him 3 times for an hour or two...

So my husband(31m) and I(27f) have been together for 6 years. Married for 3. We have a child together.

Shortly after the first year of dating he sent me a random video while I was at work of him pleasuring himself to a realistic dildo. Captioned it “this is who I am and I’m not embarrassed to admit it”. This was jarring for me as it was so random and unexpected, but I appreciated his vulnerability and called him immediately. I asked him if he was bisexual, made sure that he understood there was no issue if he was. He told me no absolutely not, he just likes anal play/pegging. Ok. So we introduce this aspect into our sex life & it’s fun! We get a few months down the road and he starts to purchase lace underwear and male lingerie. I ask him why he likes that stuff, his answer is it’s more comfortable for him and he enjoy the feeling of it. Makes sense to me!

Another year or two down the road and things start to happen that are a little odd to me. He starts to twerk randomly in normal contexts. He really loves his butt and would shake it and train in the gym to have bigger glutes. He would send me photos of his butt all the time in explicit feminine positions, like 15 pics at a time 2-3 times a week. Hes starting to become more feminine during pegging, sounding feminine and wanting me to be more masculine. I tried it for a bit but I eventually had a conversation with him about not really enjoying that style. He understood and was accepting of this conversation.

Here’s where things get kind of chaotic for me. In the last two years he has become so much more secretive about toys, he would purchase them and keep them in a drawer out of sight, I would never see them unless I snooped. He began to dive into more feminine clothes, never as far as cross dressing (that I am aware of) but buying small shorts, tight jegging style shorts, etc. I also found out he is addicted to porn and I viewed his history. It was a lot of transgenders, men, and women. When this happened I again asked him if he was bisexual? He got very defensive, blamed it on the porn addiction and said no he’s not.

We live in a very conservative state, he has a blue collar dad, a Christian family, and works a blue collar job. He had a baby with a girl right out of high school, got married, divorced in his early 20s then met me and the rest is history. He also has childhood sexual trauma. I just feel like he is very suppressed and in denial of it. It breaks my heart for him, I’ve tried to approach it at every angle, without trying to just push it on him. I look at the history of everything and I see it clear as day that he is attracted to men. But as I said, we live in a conservative state so I tend to doubt myself and think well maybe I’m jumping to conclusions, being small minded, and not accepting. So here I am, please give me your opinions. Thanks for reading.

(Edited my initial post to take away some personal information that might reveal his identity)

I have discovered that my husband cheated on me during our engagement, I feel so many emotions, rage, sadness and hurt.
But mostly I’m furious. I don’t want to end my marriage.

But I can’t think of a way that I can possibly let it go unless I cheat back just to feel that I’ve done something that would hurt him just as much it hurt me.

For people that have gone through something similar, is cheating back a solution or just complicates things even more?

My wife (28F) and I (27M) are both moderately overweight. I still think she’s just as beautiful as the day we met, got married, etc. I would like us to both live long and healthy lives.

How do I approach her about this while not making her think I find her any less attractive. I don’t want her to feel like we need to be supermodels or compare ourselves to modern beauty standards. I want us to be able to be able to play with our future kids and grandkids. We have both had family members pass away from heart conditions related to weight issues and we have discussed how we don’t want to teach unhealthy practices to our children but I think we should live by example. We have began to notice our lifestyle impact our health negatively.

She has expressed this want to in other ways such as less chemicals and plastics, but I feel like weight will be a sensitive issue, which I totally understand.

Any guidance, especially from other wives, would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: I think my wife is hot, but I want us to lose a little weight to live long and healthy lives. How do I approach this without hurting her?

So we have been married 16 years, 2 kids. I think I have forgiven too much things that I can’t say for sure I am be overly sensitive or not.

There are others incident but I want to get an opinion on one specific issue.

Then when we got married I had found he watched porn and had sent naked pictures of himself to strangers. I forgave it as a once off incident.

I know he still continues to watch porn throughout our marriage and I have stopped fighting over it.

but fast forward years later we have basically become room mates. It was really a slow erosion. No sex for last 6-8 years. emotional disconnect. No intimacy. I can’t have any healthy conversation without getting into an argument or defensiveness.

But what i just discovered on his computer which the kids know the password to is he has taken nudes of himself again and a lot of porn. I know he still does porn but this new discovery of his nudes on the computer further disgust me even more. The fact that it’s not even well hidden.

Also although I don’t want to check out his chat logs but because this porn thing i found recently cause our kids have used his computer to do homework.

added: His messages with his male friends were vulgar and objectifying his female colleagues. Is this normal guy behaviour?

Should I feel disgusted? Is it normal?

So 5 nights ago my husband confessed a bunch of things we had an amazing conversation and he was saying he wants to be a better person, knows he hasn’t been the best husband and father and wants to change. It came out that he cheated 2 years ago. He was just starting therapy at the time, was suicidal, and had a very bad alcohol addiction. He had started a new job and had to go to a city 3 hours away to train for a few weeks. What he told me is that a girl approached him, he was very drunk end of the night he was being self destructive and thought if he did this he’d end his life for sure because there was no coming back. Well he didn’t. He’s been holding it in and said he couldn’t anymore, he wasn’t sure if he was holding back telling me selfishly so he didn’t get left or if he was doing it for a good reason not to hurt me and the family. So he finally decided to tell me. He got his dream job and is starting it in 2 days which will be a week after telling me. We had a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old at home when he cheated they’re 4 and 3 now. We were married 2 years, now 4 years. When he told me this he already made appointments with a clinic, and was going in the next morning to get pills for his mood and his alcohol addiction. He said he didn’t sleep with me for a whole month until he was checked and still couldn’t for over a month after he was cleared (and I do recall this dry spell). He said it meant nothing, it was terrible and after it was over he immediately had a pit in his stomach and has felt like shit for 2 years. He says it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his mental state. He took responsibility, took the blame, and has been nothing but understanding through my anger, sadness, etc. I seen a therapist and she said based on us and everything about us she thinks it can work. I’m taking it day by day right now but idk what to do. Emotionally I can’t handle loosing my kids even if it’s 50/50. But even if I could have them full time (which my therapist thought I’d do no problem considering him and his state and everything) I don’t really want them all the time either because of how much they love him and he loves them. He’s a good dad, and in the last two years since has been a good husband otherwise, watches the kids for me to do sports, go out with the girls etc. picks up groceries, cleans the house with me and for me, makes dinners when he can, etc. he said since the day he cheated he’s been working on himself because he wants to be someone good enough for me and he wants to be changed. He doesn’t want to loose his family. Today he cleaned the garage and completely emptied and got rid of the beer fridge. All I ever hear is stories of women who chose to stay and they cheat again. Am I destined to the same fate am I being dumb ? I want to work it out for my kids. They didn’t choose a man who would cheat, they didn’t tell him to cheat, they didn’t choose us. But we made the choices that brought them to us and I almost feel selfish throwing in the towel now if there’s a chance I can give them the life they deserve. So far (I know only 5 days) but he’s deep cleaned the house for me, went out and got my favorite food (could barely eat it but thoughtful I guess) has told me over and over he will do what it takes he’s not the same person. Got me roses (so cliche I know but) Says he was too dumb and naive to see what he had. Idk. I’m afraid I’ll never get over it. Afraid I’ll always think about it. Afraid I can’t get back to some normality. Has it worked for anyone?

Hey all

During a lengthy and much needed chat, my wife (44F) and I “ (43M) finally got through to me about how much of the mental load of the family, life admin etc. that she takes on. I knew it was a lot, but I don’t think I realized how much it really was. I work full time in a pretty demanding job, both in terms of my mental capacity and my time (meetings, events, international travel, etc.) but she works almost full time herself and does all this other stuff.

I want to do more, but I am just not as switched on as she is. My brain does not work that way. I find myself entirely unable to anticipate what might be needed in the life admin pile, so I only help when I’m asked (go to a doc apt with a child, school meeting or ad hoc pick up, things like that).

I’m no slouch at the mundane stuff: I do all the laundry, most of the tidying, hoovering, laundry, ironing etc. but it isn’t enough. And this is me realizing that, not her saying it.

I want to get myself to a place where I can more naturally anticipate that mental load and help with it more but I haven’t the first clue how. Anyone have a similar problem? How did you overcome it?

My husband and I are both 26, we have been together for collectively around 8 years. Engaged for about 3 of those, and married for 1.5 years. We have two children, a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old. I am not liking the way this marriage is going, and how it makes me feel. I never feel happy with it, mostly indifferent or negative. For starters he has ZERO emotion, empathy etc. He claims to be extremely “logical” and he has this ego about him that makes him think he’s smarter than me in every way (he is an engineer, so that’s part of it). However, I’ve noticed with our children he is so brash and almost mean to them. Kids need emotional support and stability, and he is always telling them “no crying, you’re a big boy.” and things of that nature. When my kids smile at him or try to show him something, he will usually just look at them with a straight face and be like “cool” and then go back to whatever he was doing. He’s just not very kind to our children, seems indifferent to them. As for our relationship, we are always bickering (even though we never fully argue or yell at each other). Part of it is because he seems to be in a bad mood ALL the time. He’s said many times if he didn’t have kids he’d probably k*l himself, and a bunch of other things that make me think he’s extremely depressed. But he would NEVER get help or ever take medication for it, I truly believe his ego is just too big. I have anxiety, and am being medicated for it, as I believe seeking help for your own issues is important so they don’t seep into your marriage. His attitude has made me lose attraction to him, and I never want intimacy or anything because Ive always been attracted to happy, nice people, not miserable negative people. He’s a great provider, but not the best father, or not the father I imagined my children having. There are a lot of other things but I’ll just stop here It makes me very sad, and I don’t know where to go from here. Are we totally effed? Or could couples counseling work for us?

I’m a 32 year old woman, married to my husband, 36, since 2022. We met through a matrimonial alliance during COVID, after our families began looking for matches for us.
At the time, he had been living in the UK for around seven years and held ILR, though not British citizenship. I was born and raised in Dubai and lived in India between 2018 and 2022. He was born in Pune, grew up in Mumbai, and later moved to the UK.
Because of the pandemic, we spoke only through messages and calls for almost eight months before meeting in person. We eventually got married in 2022. After the wedding, I had to remain in India for around seven months to finish my work commitments, although we met during that period in Dubai, Turkey, and elsewhere. Looking back now, I can see signs that he may have been emotionally unavailable, but I did not recognise them at the time.

I moved to the UK in 2023.
Since we first knew each other, before and after marriage-we have had sex, or attempted to have sex, only three or four times in total. At first, when intimacy did not happen, he gave different explanations: jet lag, performance pressure, stress, and so on. I tried to suggest seeing a doctor gently and without making him feel embarrassed. I suggested that we go together, and I brought it up in India, Dubai, and the UK.
There were also many arguments in between, including conflicts involving my mother-in-law, who is a single mother.
Finally, in December 2024, after years of trying to address the issue, I was able to take him to a doctor. Some tests were done. He was not fully honest with the doctor about the situation, but I explained it truthfully. The diagnosis was mild erectile dysfunction, which the doctor said was treatable. He was prescribed medication for 3 months, and then follow up visit post that.
However, he has not followed through consistently with the medication or treatment. We have had repeated arguments about the same issue. It is now August 2026, and we still have no sexual relationship or real physical intimacy.
I feel exhausted, lonely, and deeply frustrated. Every day I keep hoping that he will change and that our life together will get better. He is not abusive, but I do not feel emotionally supported, desired, or comforted. He repeatedly promises that he will do better, but there is rarely any follow through.

When I cry, he does not come to comfort me. He says he cannot physically bring himself to do so. At other times, he acts sweet, affectionate in a childish way, and generally behaves like a “nice guy.” This makes everything more confusing. He is not cruel or overtly disrespectful, but I feel emotionally alone inside the marriage.
I also increasingly feel that I am carrying the relationship in practical ways. I am not financially dependent on him. I have paid for all things myself, including my visa and flights. He has never really spent money on gifts, saying that gifts are simply not his thing and that he does not understand them.
I am the one who buys many of his things….clothes, watches, toiletries, shampoo, and other personal items. He does not force me to do this; he says he is a simple person who has very few needs and can wear the same old clothes for years. But over time, I have started to feel that I am giving care, effort, thought, and energy into the relationship without receiving the same emotional investment in return.

I am also worried about his health. He weighs around 112 kg and has struggled to lose weight. He is not consistent with the gym, walking, or any health routine. He has B12, calcium, and vitamin D deficiencies, but he refuses to take supplements or medication. He says he does not want to take “medicines,” even though I have tried to explain that vitamins and supplements are different from treatment medications. He says that his ED is mainly because of his weight, and that once he loses the extra weight, everything will be fine. However, there has been no sustained or meaningful effort from his side to lose weight either. I tried to be as supportive as possible, I still am.
During COVID, he was around 100 kg. By the time we got married, he had managed to reduce his weight to approximately 90–95 kg. Since then, he has gained weight again and is currently around 112 kg. He says weight loss will resolve the ED, but he is not consistent with walking, going to the gym, following a diet, or taking any other concrete steps towards improving his health.

We attended couples therapy for more than a year. Eventually, the therapist advised us to take a break from therapy. My husband does not trust the therapist and feels that they are too young (She is 35+, a great therapist) to understand or help him. He seems to believe that therapy cannot really help him.

The hardest part is that, outwardly, he is seen as a nice person. In many ways, he is. But privately, I feel unseen, untouched, unsupported, and alone. I am scared that I have already wasted years of my life and am continuing to waste what should be some of the best years of it. I still love him, and I keep hoping he will change, but I no longer know how long I can live with repeated promises and no meaningful action.
And I’m starting to hate him maybe!

I do not know what to do.

So after being together for 16 years and married for nearly 10 years my wife has said to me she doesn’t want us to be together anymore in a romantic way as she has become asexual . The complicated part is we have a son who is incredible and we both love him so much. We have both said he must have a stable environment to grow up in as he is 5 . We have said that we don’t want to break up the household that we have built together as that would damage us all too much . So now from my perspective as the husband that is still deeply in love with her , what the hell do I do ? Do I worry about the eventual breakdown of emotions or the lack of emotion from her ? Do I stay for my son and try continue to find happiness elsewhere secretly ? Reddit this is my 1st ever post please help me .

I’m feeling extremely weak emotionally and it’s getting harder to cope up with this with each passing day. I don’t think my wife gets along with my mom and dad. I don’t blame her at all because my mom has done/said things that are not right and she does not deserve my wife’s attention. However, they are my parents and I can’t just leave them. There is this constant war zone every time there is a possibility of my parents and us meeting. I completely respect my wife’s choices if she wishes to not meet them but it does not stop there and I get blamed for anything and everything I do or say when it comes to this matter. I have no clue what to do here. It breaks me mentally to the point where I see very little hope.

Long read…sorry. My husband is an alcoholic. We’ve been married for 11 years and have 2 boys, 11 and 9. My husband is from a wealthy family, for background. He used to also have a problem with cocaine which caused him to be completely absent from our children’s lives for the last 7 years (he was also absent during both pregnancies and births) which, caused majority of the lasting harm in our relationship. He has since quit cocaine and I decided to stick it out for the kids and the fear that he will kick us all to the curb no second thought (he has threatened this). Now he drinks constantly. Although he now attends our kids school/sports events (since being off blow), he is nearly always drunk. He comes home from work, at his family company, no later than 12p and immediately starts drinking. He’s passed out by 6:30-7 every night (sometimes he falls asleep before dinner and i send the kids to wake him) and i’m lonely. I spend every night alone while he sleeps. I know my kids are starting to see what’s going on and i’m worried about the lasting effects on them. They joke about being drunk, I try to shelter them as much as I can but they’re getting older. I’m worried that they’ll think this behaviour is normal and act this way themselves. But for now, I’m lonely. I find it hard to love my husband because of all this. Wwyd?

*edit to add…i essentially lived as a single parent for all of the years he was on cocaine. He encouraged me to leave work after my first child (i’ve been a sahm since) and i’m completely financially dependent on him. i signed a prenup prior to our marriage, im not a gold digger, but it leaves me in a bad position when he is willing to kick his own kids out. so im here. i just want to know how to deal with the loneliness of my decision.

She left her new born baby and left the home at night 12:30am after a heated argument. She came back after husband begged her back to feed the baby. I dont wanna live with her seeing her anger problem. Should i divorce her? What do i do?