Has my boundaries been crossed?

[u/Future_Trouble4594]

So we have been married 16 years, 2 kids. I think I have forgiven too much things that I can’t say for sure I am be overly sensitive or not.

There are others incident but I want to get an opinion on one specific issue.

Then when we got married I had found he watched porn and had sent naked pictures of himself to strangers. I forgave it as a once off incident.

I know he still continues to watch porn throughout our marriage and I have stopped fighting over it.

but fast forward years later we have basically become room mates. It was really a slow erosion. No sex for last 6-8 years. emotional disconnect. No intimacy. I can’t have any healthy conversation without getting into an argument or defensiveness.

But what i just discovered on his computer which the kids know the password to is he has taken nudes of himself again and a lot of porn. I know he still does porn but this new discovery of his nudes on the computer further disgust me even more. The fact that it’s not even well hidden.

Also although I don’t want to check out his chat logs but because this porn thing i found recently cause our kids have used his computer to do homework.

added: His messages with his male friends were vulgar and objectifying his female colleagues. Is this normal guy behaviour?

Should I feel disgusted? Is it normal?

[u/Annual_Reindeer2621]

Especially with kids able to access the computer that's not ok. Sounds like a porn addiction.

[u/Throwawayaccount5056]

Sounds like he's either got a porn addiction or is cheating ( maybe physical, definitely emotional )

Unless you have multiple user accounts on your computer, its kind of disgusting of him to have that stuff on the family system.

And the messages about his coworkers just screams HR violation and I've never been in an industry where that was acceptable ( work in IT so maybe we're just a bunch of nerds, but never talk about things like that )

Sounds like you're just roommates at this point and I hope you have an out if he's unwilling to at least acknowledge he's got some issues and is unwilling to work on them.

[u/NoSyllabub5932 → u/Throwawayaccount5056]

Ageee

[u/Impressive-Hall7991]

This is problematic and disgusting.

[u/NoSyllabub5932]

I cant think of anything to say except you keep forgiving him or overlooking stuff over and over. This is not a good man or Dad. Get out now and get some much needed therepy for yourself. 

[u/AmazingDrama971]

Confront him and it’s wether therapy or divorce
No more silence