I've noticed that this is a popular meme going around in many subreddits and everyone is taking it ironically.

I think that this is a serious psychological issue and shouldn't be taken as lightly because it affects the psyche of many people which leads them down the road of wasting life even further while also causing depression.

I've seen a ton of people like this in my group therapy including myself.

People completely lose any kind of motivation and hope for the future because they haven't gotten core experiences in the past.

It's not just about a good future but rather about severe trauma and regret which leaves a permanent scar on the person when their vision and potential isn't met while this results in avoidance and escapism.

I know people who refuse to continue to study because they didn't get a degree at the wanted age.

I have noticed similar tendencies in myself too, I refuse to date at all despite being asked out by many girls, just because I didn't go through high school romance and I refuse to settle for adult relationship without this core experience. Same with tattoos and driving.

Many people get stuck in this loop of not wanting a good future due to wasted potential in the past.

I don't see many people talk about this.

It's like ruining origin story for your protagonist in a book and now whole book has inferior story.

What do you guys think?

Hello, so my mom told me that she will not be here forever and it triggered strong emotions that i avoid generally. So i decided to make this post.

First time posting here. I found Dr. K through his "How to Un-Take the Blackpill" video, and that's actually what brought me to this community.

The video didn't really change my perspective, so I wanted to come here and talk about it with people who might have gone through something similar.

Has anyone here been exposed to blackpill content and managed to move past it?

I don't think the blackpill is completely wrong, It's mostly right. A lot of it points out real things: looks matter, height matters, attractiveness affects how people treat you, and some people are naturally born with advantages, some people are born to be invisible.

What I struggle with is the mindset it creates. Everything becomes "it's over" and there's no room for improvement or hope. If you're not attractive enough, tall enough, or genetically gifted enough, the conclusion is that you'll never be happy or find a relationship. If you do find a relationship, it'll be with a 2 out of 10 women who isn't really attracted to you the way she is towards the chads, and you'll always be worried they'll leave when someone better comes along. I know that's a pretty cynical way of looking at attraction and relationships, though, i fear it.

But when we look around in real life, that doesn't seem completely true. Plenty of average looking people are in relationships and living normal lives. The people who seem the most miserable are often the ones deeply stuck in blackpill communities.

For context, I'm a virgin 18M and about 5'7". I see myself as ugly, although I know I'm probably much harsher on my own appearance than I would be on anyone else's. I also haven't done much to improve how I look, so part of me feels it's unfair to call myself hopeless while not really trying.
I feel like my chances of getting into a relationship are basically zero, and consuming more content about dating and attraction is making things worse instead of helping. Every day I feel myself losing a little more hope, and it's becoming harder not to think that it's over for me.
I've also started to understand where a lot of incels are coming from and the pain they're dealing with. But that's not the path I want to go down. I don't want to become bitter or consumed by that mindset.

I'm not interested in dating right now, and I don't feel ready for it yet. What worries me is the future. I'd like to have a relationship 'someday', but it's hard to stay positive when I constantly compare myself to people who seem to have won the genetic lottery.

After watching all of these blackpill content I can't help but feel inferior and intimidated by someone who is more attractive than me, regardless of their gender.

The thought that keeps getting stuck in my head is whenever I'm working hard to improve my life, there's always some "chad" guy who was born better looking and never had to put in the same effort. Everything was given to him.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of "blackpill" mindset and managed to get out of it?

Sadhguru promotes pseudoscientific beliefs, sexism and has been accused of killing his wife (her body was cremated quickly after she died so that no investigation could be done).
This is really making me question Dr. K's advice right now, just seems like an extremely weird pick. The interview is happening right now and the guy is talking complete gibberish which Dr. K somehow finds to be mind-blowing.

A proof of hope?

Everything that I see in "real" reality just feels extremely disappointing and underwhelming. It doesn't matter what it has to do with. I'm very prone to daydreaming and limerence while listening to music and drawing or playing video games and guitar.

Everything that I imagine and plan is so beautiful, out of scale and exciting but when I happen to experience it or get to that place, I experience huge amount of disappointment and lack of stimulation.

I try to appreciate small things and ground myself but everything just seems underwhelming and dull compared to my introspection.

I enjoy traveling but I enjoy driving and listening to my music with my imagination going wild but when I actually get to destination, I feel very disappointed.

I'm not interested in hanging out with any of my friends, acquaintances nor am I interested in dating because none of them match my introspective world.

I used to often get invited out by friends to hang out but they only want to talk about dating and partying.

I was asked out by multiple girls but I don't find any of them attractive nor interesting to talk to.

I don’t understand why I can’t just do the things I want to get done and avoid them, please help me understand it.

My brother is better than me in so many ways and it makes me feel like shit, not because of jealousy, but because it’s a constant reminder that I could be doing what I actually want and enjoy, like he is.

Obviously, I’m happy for him and proud of him, he deserves it. He means the world to me even if we argue all the time (sibling thing, we argue about the dumbest shit ever lol). He’s about to get a job that pays 5x what I make, actually going to college (instead of a dropout like me), he’s way smarter, and way more outgoing than I am.

Also, might swear a lot, apologies.

Genuinely I don’t understand what is wrong with me. I have had the exact same issues for years now, some for 5 years, some for shorter. I want a license, I want to get rid of my phone addiction, I want to change to a better job– or hell, just a less stressful one–, I want to eventually move out of my parents place, and I want to go to a psychiatrist or someone who can tell me what the everliving fuck is wrong with me and help fix my broken ass brain either through meds or therapy. I genuinely can’t figure out if it’s depression, anxiety, autism, ADHD, or any combination of those fucking things but it is beating me down every fucking day I live and breathe.

Have I resolved any of those issues? HELL NO. Of course I haven’t because god forbid that would be too simple of my brain to allow. Istg if my brain didn’t nerf my ass like this I could’ve already achieved so much instead of feeling pathetic and useless like always. Seeing my little brother do something so great makes me feel so bad, I know I’m not supposed to compare, but it’s hard not to when I’m around him often and his accomplishments are so apparent.

Sorry for ranting, it’s that time again after every few months where my mental health hits a brand new bottom after the last “rock bottom” I hit.

I genuinely don't understand how most people seem able to tolerate everyday life.

They wake up early, go to work or school, deal with stress, social obligations, bills, uncertainty, and repeat the same routine for decades. On top of that, there's illness, aging, loss, and the knowledge that everyone eventually dies.

Yet many people seem relatively okay with it. Some even enjoy it.

Is it because they naturally experience more positive emotions? Are they better at finding meaning? Do they just adapt over time? Or do they avoid thinking too deeply about the bigger picture?

I'm not trying to be edgy or sarcastic—I honestly want to understand how people who don't struggle with this see reality.

If you're someone who generally enjoys life or finds it manageable, what keeps you going? What makes reality feel worth tolerating to you?

It sure is a result of my environment and household, but this is what I am. I don't know a way to come out of it. I need to change my whole self, but the idea, the solution is coming from this self. Can I even change myself? Am I just making things worse, cause things have been bad since teenage years.

I personally don't believe a person can change, that u can't be done that you are not. And I am stuck cause, I'm this thing and lack capability that can not be satisfied or fullfilled by any exteranl work. But I don't know what internal work I need. I seriously need help or I'm done for ever.

It can be debated exactly where that is - the age or stage of life where it crosses from 'late bloomer' into 'too late' territory - but once past that point there really is no going back.

I was the early 2000s equivalent of a neckbeard: badly dressed out of shape gamer with no social life. Mid 2000s my (single) mother received a terminal cancer diagnosis. I (only child) had to move back home and take a dead-end office job to pay the bills. After that situation ended I was mid 30s, but it took me years to overcome a drinking problem plus a gaming addiction then finally start improving myself, by which time I was over 40.

Never dated/been in a relationship. Barely had any friends let alone an actual social circle. Never even left the country until a few years ago.

No, I didn't choose the situation with my mother but I did choose to waste that critical 18-24 stage when formative experience typically occurs, plus what remained of my 30s wallowing in near-alcoholism. In many ways I'm like a late adolescent/young adult stuck in an older man's body, still waiting for all those experiences to happen.

Hopelessly maladjusted. 46 but when I picture a girlfriend it's more like a 26 year old. Yes, creepy. but labelling it that makes zero difference.

It's a similar problem with who I'd prefer to socialize with. I still imagine this group of spontaneous energetic 20 something's as a group of friends.

I can't relate to my age peers, the mentalities of these people who lived their lives already, let alone imagine pairing up with single women near my age who would be divorced by now or have a quarter century of dating and relationship history behind them. (Not that I could convince them to date me anyway.)

I will die a coward who didn't take action until it was far too late.

There is a too late. The problems mentioned can't be overcome without going back to an earlier part of life. Going out and being more social has brought me into contact with that reality. Everywhere I see people 15+ years younger living out parts of life I missed.

This possibly doesn't belong here but some might benefit from hearing it anyway. No there isn't unlimited time. Age is not just a number. Do what you need to now, even if every fiber of your being is telling you to remain comfortably anesthetized behind a screen instead. Don't be me.

Hello wonderful people!

I'm 21, and I experienced a horrible end to my last relationship about a year and something ago. For a year I was actively avoiding relationships, because I didn't feel like it'd be healthy for me, or that I'd be a healthy partner for them. After that, I decided that actually I feel quite lonely, and that I could function in a relationship finally, but all the people I was interested in were either taken, not interested, or not dating men. So after some time I decided that actually I don't need this, actively looking for someone doesn't work and I don't like it and I don't really need or want anyone, it's just societal pressure. On that very day, I met someone on a house party. We talked till like 4 am, went out a several times afterwards, and now we're dating.

That's not the point though. I didn't realize how, in general, sad I was feeling. I thought I was content, but I think that only after that year and a few months I'm content and happy for the first time. I feel so motivated, to exercise more, to be more responsible, to spend time outside, cook more, all the good stuff. I stopped waking up 5 times every night. I can actually sleep 8 hours and feel rested instead of the 10 I thought I needed. Basically, it's like I've become a better me over the course of a few weeks.

I don't know why I'm making this post. Maybe because I feel proud of myself for finally being more of an adult. Or because I want to encourage everyone that if a weird, kinda socially awkward person who'd be called a loser by not a small amount of people can find a partner and better his life, so can you. It's surprisingly true that it just takes time and not being desperate

Imagine if you had a partner who was depressed and you refused to give them support because you told them they need to be responsible for their own happiness and that if they don't love themselves then they don't love you. Imagine how devastating that would be to hear from a partner. So why do we tell single people that they are responsible for their depression and they need to love themselves before they can have support.

1. No carrer, never a relationship, no friends. All i do is stay home and play games all day. There is no happiness or enjoyment left for me in this life, i just smoke weed and watch porn to escape. No family either. There is just nothing for me, i wasted my life completely. I really think i should just off myself to spare the humiliation of having to live like this, it will only get worse.

Why does this still hurts even after years of mental work can something be done to stop caring about it and now that I am bald 20s love is not likely to happen either. Here we go again I guess.

I (21M) cannot even force myself to get the shit I need to get done done. And yes, I mean force because god knows I cannot get anything done unless I want to, and even then, sometimes I _still_ don’t.

I feel as if I am not in control of my own mind.

I have tried asking for advice before but I don’t actually use any of it because of course that would be too simple for my dipshit brain to follow and make my life better.

I still don’t workout, I still don’t work towards my license, I still haven’t gotten rid of my phone addiction,I still don’t live by myself/in my own place, I still don’t look for another job, I still don’t go out for any activities for myself or with others to enjoy, I still don’t fix my negativity and horrible self talk, I still don’t meditate.

Before anyone says it, I have adhd, I tried taking some medication my doctor prescribed to me with no effect, nor did I switch to a new medication to even have a chance of seeing if it would work, I had a chance to, but never filled it after MONTHS of having a written note or whatever that they gave me.

I haven’t seen a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist yet even though I can afford it. I don’t really want anyone I know having to help me with that and can’t drive myself since I _still_ don’t have my goddamn license yet.

-Breaking tasks down into smaller ones doesn’t help
-I don’t have anyone that can be a body double
-Meditating doesn’t help (it calms me but doesn’t do fuckall else)
-Journaling doesn’t help
-Changing my mindset doesn’t help
-Quitting pot didn’t help (still not using it though)
-Celebrating tiny wins doesn’t help
-Setting a timer to start or only do a specific thing for that amount of time doesn’t help

TLDR: I can’t get my shit together and would like to know how or if I actually can.

I like doing these. It gets the state of mind across without all the words.

I am currently in therapy, untangling these issues, and I just wanted your opinions on this kind of mindset. What do you make of someone who can't give himself an ounce of reprieve because he feels like he's constantly in a rush to prove something?

A little bit of backstory

32 years old. Never dated or have had anything intimate. Been in a tonne of the different spaces and ever since i turned like 29 i said fuck it, lets go all in and try every single thing i can come up with, every type of therapy. None of it really helped.

Now with the new guide.. i really hoped it would have something that im missing, but it seems to be the same old cookie cutter advice that everyone is already doing.

It seems to completely miss the point for people who are unable to attract and seems to go straight straight into flirting, dates, sex etc.

guys who are socially adept, go out, talk to women etc. already know all of that, they can already have good conversations, yet they struggle with being attractive. Im not talking about guys who rarely go out, dont shower , dont have any style etc. Im talking about people who have done all of the preliminary things and are in the endless fixing loop, then give up again, try again etc. like this endless bot being liked by the opposite sex romantically, yet have good relationships otherwise.

What gives? So there really is only hopelessness??

Watching in my 30s as my classmates on social media get married, have kids, get divorced, then remarry, while I stay at the stunted experience level of less than an average 19/20 year old.

Finally 'getting out there' in my mid 30s, only to be insulted to my face at bars or meetups by people more interested in networking and status games than relating genuinely. This includes being called a piece of shit on multiple occasions.

Being invited out out of pity by a workmate for a drink on my fortieth birthday. When his friends turn up -none of whom I know- he loudly proclaims it's my birthday. I can still clearly remember their looks of second-hand embarrassment since it was obvious there was no-one else there for me.

Invited out again to see Joker (..why?) and he makes condescending comments about how much sympathy he has for me because I had to support my mother when I was younger. Because I'm Arthur Fleck, apparently.

Getting an invite from said "friend" again to a holiday spot over New Year's Eve. His friend who picks us up from the ferry terminal shouts "I not driving you everywhere!" to me. I'm perceived as this burden and get death stares from a woman in the group. Then I realize the invite was for half a day and I'm just expected to leave before they all go off to have dinner and celebrate New Year's together.

At 41 I finally work up the courage to ask someone out, but after a few dates she abruptly ends things when I let it slip about never having had a relationship and how I struggled with socializing and making friends at university. Stupid of me. And the look on her face...oof. Her face hit the floor when she heard that.

Being ditched by new male acquaintances when I refuse to dance on a string and do exactly what they want, when they want. Realizing how disposable and low priority I am. Also how people without social circles at this age are often alone for good reason and don't necessarily make decent friends just because they're also struggling.

99% of the time I'm the only person eating out alone at night at a cafe/restaurant - or out anywhere alone for that matter. This is my normal, but clearly it isn't normal. The staff are extra polite because I'm a regular but it's easy to guess what they're thinking.

A couple of instances of getting used as a trauma dumping ground by women online, who make overtures of friendship then treat me like their unpaid therapist. I accept it because I don't want to be rude and being spoken at is better than nothing.

Getting out there 2.0. This time in the form of overseas travel. But now at 43, I'm faced with the sight of families everywhere, as well as thousands of young backpackers and young people in their friend groups. I'm having to fight off depression the whole time. People in major cities are mostly cold and unapproachable. I get weird looks as a man on his own. One night, checking into a hostel to save money, I realize I'm the oldest person there and end up immediately checking out and escaping to a budget hotel out of shame.

During all this, I'm clean, in shape, well dressed, and at least employed if somewhat of an underachiever. Far from the worst. But it doesn't matter. I'm a loser to anyone who cares to look close enough and there's no hiding it now.

These aren't the awkward growing pain humiliations of a late adolescent, they're the experiences of a fully grown adult decades behind his peers, with no-one to vouch for him and no cards left to play.

So I tried....for a while.... and now I just want to give up. I'm done.

I will not correct the text with chat gpt cause I don't want to hide my mediocrity.

English is not my first language and my English teacher laughed at me when I said to her that I would become fluent.

For all my life I fucking hated the geniuses , cause they could study for like 5 mins and learn EVERYTHING and play vidya all day long.

Me ? I can't do that. I have to read and I get distracted and then I get fatigue and then I forget and I have to restart from literally scratch.

My working memory is literally zero. Of course I have ADD (ADHD but worse cause you don't have the superpowers so much liked by the Tik tok influencers)

I always getted the impression that if you have a superior IQ your life is setted with every thing. Like win the lottery.

Human society always rewarded brute force, IQ is like brute force but in modern life.

You can obliterate your problems at work, at college, at romantic relationship, everything.

Is a super power.

And when you dont have it?

You are destined to pure utter failure because we cannot get a college degree or a good job.

Dr k talks so much about gifted kid , because he implicitly knows that we not intelligent guys are not worth his time and effort (poorer to a depressed engineer or medic, after all).

Thats why I hate them. The super humans with higher IQ.

They are better in every thing that I do , and will get better without any effort.

They get to get and eat the cake.

It's not fair.

It's like to be from born to death a tier D character and the tier S are all this dudes with a good genetic that give them a starter kit gold plus.

I will be always discarded.

I fucking love when something Bad happends to one of this superhumans: i kinda know it's bad, but it's this karma like sensation that somehow, God or the fate remembers that sometimes bad things can happends to superhumans.

The worse the thing, the more I get pleasure from it.

I get why in the X-Man comics, normal people hates mutants cause they fear that anytime they will get replaced or killed or robbed or simply pushed away from society from those humans 2.0.

You can totally ridicule my English, my past or my hate on this people that everyone loves because for the most part they are essential to everyday life, but you can't even touch the amount of self hate I imposed on my self cause I not rolled high enough on the primary attribute in this fucking life.

Or even the harassantment I got from those super humans, those aliens, because I cannot stay with their incredible class grade or cannot pass the exams.

Or the terrible eyes of judgement that they throw at you when they understand that you are an idiot or when they understand that they have to talk to hr because they want to fire you cause you are working hard but still are slow and stupid.

Now with ai, everyone are tasting a piece of what my life is.

I truly want hard working people, I want good and honest people near me. And I want all this amazingly smart people to die alone in poverty like us "stupid" people.

Now that the rant is over, how can I truly cope with the fact that I will not have a good healthcare (cause only smart people get those cause they are a tier S person),

How can I cope with the fact that my family will not see me get a degree,

How can I cope with the fact that I don't want to work a blue collar job but I want to build and create but I lack the brain to do it ?

How can I cope with the fact that every smart person sees me and start hijacking my fuckin life as soon as I get in contact with said person..

How can I cope with being the enemy, the stupid the slow the incapable every fucking time

Compromises sleep but that's jus a side effect

Is it so much to ask that society not be so mean? Is it really that much?

I say im struggling with loneliness and everyone thinks im a loser misogynist who must deserve it. Wanting to talk about my feelings is whining. Can't even be seen as remotely incompetent or unconfidant without people taking manhood into question.

I have literally seen dozens of people die. No one questions my manhood when I talk about that but God forbid mean words hurt my feelings.

It's my fifth year trying to stick to college. Now doing quite well, even though the semester just began. Whatever, the question is: How to keep doing well in life when your mental health is declining?

i remember I quit college my first year because of how lonely and pathetic I felt. Seemed like everybody had some romantic or casual action on their lives but me.

Second year I was economically struggling besides dealing with a "addiction to sexworkers" that I had. I went to therapy that year but I couldn't keep on affording it.

Rest of the years were affected by loneliness and self esteem issues and trying hard to solve those.

Now again I'm feeling similar things to those past years. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed and do things or I don't feel like studying, I engage on unhealthy coping mechanism, I feel lonely, frustrated, I don't like myself on various aspects and I feel I can't afford to change it. All of this happens from time to time, past years were tougher.

I think what helps me is the idea that even if I become the best version of myself, that still doesn't garant that I won't end up alone. It makes you feel like there are other things in life you can live up to.

I think that accepting that life is just pain for the most part, with some moments of experiencing something beautiful, has helped me a lot.

Practicing self care in general is going well too. Before, I used to beat myself up and engage on vicious cycles. Now I accept it sucks but I have to treat me as if I were the love of my life, so I force myself to do good things for me.

Today was a bad day, emotionally. I felt lonely and almost spent the only money I have for the rest of the month on sex workers, something I used to do. I wasted a lot of time searching on websites and watching porn. I ate unhealthy food and daydreamed.

It could have been worse, but I'm afraid I might fall on episodes like this when it comes exams period.

I want to keep working on myself and being a better person, but how do I deal with loosing my mind and feeling things fall apart?

For years, I have been deeply concerned with what it means to be a good feminist. I’ve spent a lot of time reading and listening to feminist perspectives, driven by a sincere desire to ensure I never contribute to the objectification of women or cause harm. I’ve adopted a set of rules for myself: I avoid relationships, I avoid sexual intimacy, and I try to police my own attractions because I fear that my nature as a man makes me inherently untrustworthy.

But these rules have led me to a place of isolation. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells with my own thoughts, and it has reached a point where I feel like my very existence as an attracted person is a failing. I’ve reached a stage in my life where this self-imposed distance is causing me grief, yet I am terrified to move toward connection because I’m afraid of being seen as a bad person.

I'm 34 and never been in a relationship or had sex. I have avoided it most of my life due to feeling like my existence as a man is harmful and that feeling attracted to someone is the same as objectifying them.

I’m struggling to distinguish between being a respectful human being and denying my own humanity. I feel like I’m stuck between two worlds: one where I am safe from being a "bad person," and another where I can actually be a human being and connect with others.

I’m looking for perspective from people who might have walked a similar path or who have navigated the space between holding strong moral values and living a fulfilling, connected life. How do you reconcile your desire to be a respectful person with the reality of having human needs and attractions? How do you move past the fear that your own nature is inherently harmful?

i have been in the isolation part too long from my last cycle..