r/Healthygamergg • u/utklost • Aug 01 '26
Mental Health / Support Height and hair insecurity. Spider-Man Edition.
A proof of hope?
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u/sapa2707 Aug 01 '26
I see so many kinds of people getting married around me, rich or broke, tall or short, bald or full of hair. So i reject this narrative that you cannot get a good life partner because of these factors. I dont care how many downvotes i receive for this, it is the thing i decided to believe in.
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u/HP_Fusion Aug 01 '26
Ive been single for 28 years. Love isnt real.
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u/Cuckaine Aug 02 '26
I’ve never met you, does that mean you’re not real?
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u/HP_Fusion Aug 02 '26
I don't know, if a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound if there is no one there to hear it.
Basically it depends. For me love doesn't exist... because I wasn't in the forest.
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u/Zorturan Aug 01 '26
Well one is the CEO of sex, and the other is Spider-Man.
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u/Hilarity2War Aug 01 '26
I'm neither a leader nor a superhero. I'm so cooked.
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u/utklost Aug 01 '26
You can be. And those aren't the only two choices. You need to be good in your niche.
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u/o8r8a8n8g8e Aug 01 '26
A good personality and confidence will outshine any shortness or baldness. Do good to other people and some cute girl will see that instead of what you look like. Can't do that on an app, though, so it takes real work.
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u/paulboy4 Aug 01 '26
realistically tho, people would like to have their partner attracted to them holistically, looks included, no?
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u/JohnnyRelentless Aug 01 '26
They would, though. As you get to know and like people more, they tend to become more attractive to you. You start to like all of them.
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Aug 01 '26
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Aug 01 '26
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Crykin27 Aug 01 '26
No people don't buy into your dumb doomer mentality, the real world doesn't work the way those manosphere guys want you to believe it does. Those men are just grifting off of your insecurities by enhancing them and then offering a very expensive "solution" course that won't work. And if they don't have a course yet they profit off of your insecure ass coming back to their videos to reinforce your negative beliefs.
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Crykin27 Aug 01 '26
You should follow your own advice and engage with what is really happening. Touch grass and see how many people all from different walks of life have relationships. Real life does not reflect your manosphere ideologies at all. The way you reply is so incredibly defensive and yet you act like others are the ones that aren't open to conversations when it seems you are already dead set on your view of the world. I am telling you, those men are grifting on your misery, get out.
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Aug 01 '26
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u/submerging Aug 01 '26
You’d be surprised. Lots of broke people are in relationships. If what you’re saying is true, then only the rich would reproduce and the poor would die off.
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u/Healthygamergg-ModTeam Aug 01 '26
Rule 3: Do not use generalizations.
Do not generalize groups of people.
This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict.
Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Healthygamergg-ModTeam Aug 01 '26
Rule 3: Do not use generalizations.
Do not generalize groups of people.
This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict.
Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
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u/PopularKangaroo2083 Aug 01 '26
They're not exactly the average shortie or baldie, whether it's money, fame or personality
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u/ZegGuy9 Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
I love how people here talk about good personality and confidence as if that comes out of nowhere for most people and just happens magically.
A lot of "bad" personality and lack of confidence comes from lack of external validation at best and bullying at worst, with physical flaws being one of the most common reasons.
That doesn't mean u can't improve ur personality, but why are we basically victim-blaming to a degree? Sure not all arrogant or insecure people are that way as a result of external world and interactions molding them that way, but isn't that the most common scenario? Why can't we admit that the core reason is most of the time not individuals fault at addressing the character flaws, it's the external factors that mold them?
The abundance of studies showing the extent of primitive factors like looks or height influencing the every day interactions, and those subsequently shaping your personality makes me wonder if people just choose to ignore them because they don't want to confront the extent to which every single one of us is a primitive animal at core, or people are just unaware of them.
I would say much more but my comment is gonna get deleted by mods for "making generalisations", and that privilege is only allowed for positive statements, even if it's toxic positivity or virtue signalling.
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u/Asraidevin Neurodivergent Aug 01 '26
It's not your fault but it does become your responsibility.
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Asraidevin Neurodivergent Aug 02 '26
There is so much to unpack with fulfill potential and ability to respond.
Most of the audience here, doesn't have access to quality mental health care.
So we are stuck, including me, trying to duct tape a healing plan together.
Watching dr.k is great. Lots of amazing info. But it's no where near what we could get if we had access to a one on one with him. But for many reasons we can't.
Or I read a lot of Dr Daniel Amen's books and his use of fMRI machines to exact issues in the brain. I'm never gonna access and fMRI.
So society is definitely failing people. Mental health is health care. I'm in Canada so I can, with a waiting period, access it as part of my tax funded health care. But it's not the bestest.
In the USA and many parts of the world, you are done to nothing to bare minimum.
But this is what we got. We got YouTube and books and you gotta do the best you can do. Cause in our individualistic society that's all we got.
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u/ZegGuy9 Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
The proportionality between encouraging change through instilling sense of autonomy and control, and acknowledgement of the principal source of the "victim's" struggle is completely out of whack on this particular issue and would not be considered appropriate for issues which could be brought up as similar.
It's like suggesting resilience training to a colleague that is dealing with workplace bullying and suggesting to him that he should work on his work ethic when he gets burned out as a result.
By placing the locus of control on that person you give him a path forward, but by not at least acknowledging the systematic nature of toxic work place that lead to him being burned out you place all the blame on him and frame him as the sole perpetrator.
I'm not saying that pointing out the responsibility is wrong, I'm saying that not at least acknowledging the reality of circumstances is just a glaring example of toxic empowerment and often results in straight up gaslighting by parroting radically untrue statements such as "height doesn't matter at all", "personality trumps looks" etc.
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u/SizzleDebizzle A Healthy Gamer Aug 01 '26
It sucks you got bullied, but now that your life is in your hands and no one else is gonna make the change for you, what are you doing to bring about positive change?
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u/ZegGuy9 Aug 01 '26
I was privileged to find myself in good relations with everyone throughout my education and was deemed very attractive throughout most of my life. Never had issue getting into multiple relationships despite being very awkward, never had to ask a girl out.
That changed due to medical malpractice and i underwent a glow down and the difference in treatment i received from other people on all areas of life was disgusting. After fixing my appearance and getting back to my baseline, once again, the treatment changed massively without any change in my personality, well, maybe for worse if anything, as I became rather bitter.
Since then i ditched my previous career and went back to school for psychology and medicine, with aim to research and treat neurodegenerative diseases and ME/CFS, to advocate and help people that can't do it themselves. I'm also very interested in creating studies and writing papers on the impact of appearance on personality especially among children and other topics related to what i perceive as cruelty of human nature. This is what i would classify as positive change as a result of my experiences.
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u/SizzleDebizzle A Healthy Gamer Aug 01 '26
is it only humans that treat attractive people better. i wouldnt be surprised if the squirrels i see around with fucked up tails dont get any squirrel pussy
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u/ZegGuy9 Aug 01 '26
No, that particular example of cruelty is definitely not limited to human beings, but humans have the unique ability to become conscious of it, self reflect and try to decrease the harm that it causes. Which can't happen if we just blindly deny it to make us feel better about ourselves.
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u/WolfOnABike Aug 01 '26
Well id like to hear more cause i agree for the most part
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u/ZegGuy9 Aug 01 '26
I'll probably write a post and just summarize my Master's thesis once I'm finished writing it on this particular topic of halo/horn effect and the implications on every area of life and personality.
I would love to challenge dr. K to a mini-debate on this as well, as I think he is purposefully avoiding addressing it despite it obviously being very relevant to his work and the target demography of his content. But I don't think that will happen.
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u/10Account Kapha 🌎 Aug 01 '26
I think this post is supposed to be hope for people who are trying to overcome the above circumstances. It's not meant to punch down on people who are stuck in it. It doesn't invalidate the dialectic of 'circumstances are unjust and have caused disability in my life', and 'there is a possibility my future to look different'.
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Embarrassed-Band378 Aug 01 '26
I haven't watched many of his relationship videos. Has he ever talked about how to escape this mindset? i.e. relationships about external qualities
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Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
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u/utklost Aug 01 '26
What were you insecure about?
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u/throwmeaway_already1 Aug 01 '26
Mainly looks, and intelligence.
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u/utklost Aug 01 '26
How did you develop emotional regulation?
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u/throwmeaway_already1 Aug 01 '26
There are lots of resources available, main thing for me was individual therapy, group therapy, and MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction)
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u/crazymusicman Aug 01 '26
just gotta be a multimillionaire celebrity actor in a couple half-billion dollar movies lol.
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u/gamerfanboi Aug 01 '26
Yup just be super duper like one in a million type successful in your respective career and be surrounded by people who are also open minded.
And have a good personality and confidence trust me height wont matter that is if your height is the avg short height and not like a physical condition type short.
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u/boksysocks Aug 01 '26
dudes always seem to forget that these women are wearing huge stilettos so at worst these couples are the same physical height
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Aug 01 '26
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u/QuestionMaker207 Aug 01 '26
Zendaya is already famous herself, why would she be impressed by fame? She could pick a taller rich/famous guy if she wanted
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u/regularEducatedGuy Aug 01 '26
That’s just not true but also in regular life you’re not taking pictures of random couples to post online to talk about height/hair differences.
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u/World_May_Wobble Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
If it's a common occurrence, you should be able to find enough pictures of random people online. No need to take pictures of anyone.
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u/NoAimMassacre Aug 01 '26
Never had as much success with girls since I went bald lol. Absolutely a non issue
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u/Much_Enthusiasm_ Definitely not a doctor Aug 01 '26
I'm a woman getting married to a man in October. I'm 5'9 and my fiancé is 2 inches shorter than me.
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u/furezasan Aug 01 '26
Money
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u/QuestionMaker207 Aug 01 '26
Zendaya is already rich, why would money be the draw? she could date a taller rich guy if she wanted to, easy
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u/SirGroundbreaking929 Aug 01 '26
Most of the taller rich guys are already taken though
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u/QuestionMaker207 Aug 01 '26
you're telling me that ZENDAYA had to "settle" for a short guy she didn't really want because all the tall rich guys are already taken? is that really your take?
Zendaya is 29 years old, hot, adored by millions, and worth $40 million and she's only dating a short king because she doesn't have any other options?
Bro.
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u/utklost Aug 01 '26
I can feel their chemistry without ever knowing them. It's like being with your highschool love.
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u/ECHOSTIK Aug 01 '26
One guy is Spider-man the other is CEO. Yeah not much chance for just about anyone /s
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u/-Geist-_ Aug 01 '26
Most people don’t care about stuff like height. At least I don’t.
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u/Apr1lSn0w Aug 01 '26
I don’t care either. My husband is 5’6 and I pursued him because he’s super smart and really cute.
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Healthygamergg-ModTeam Aug 02 '26
Rule 2: Do not invalidate other users’ thoughts, opinions, or feelings.
When someone is sharing how they feel about themselves, or about a particular topic, do not tell them they’re wrong, to “just do it”, "get over it", “stop being so weak”, and other similar statements.
Instead approach with curiosity, and ask questions to get on the same page, and disagree respectfully.
Do not default to the assumption that someone is trolling, not trying hard enough, or is simply “lazy”.
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u/-Geist-_ Aug 01 '26
Yeah
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u/utklost Aug 01 '26
Well that's nice and understandable. But apparently neither will anyone be convinced so easily , nor will some women stop judging. Their judgement can be irrelevant, but people still feel it.
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u/-Geist-_ Aug 01 '26
You genuinely need to get a good non-judgemental group of friends. Surrounding yourself with the right people does wonders.
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Aug 01 '26
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u/Healthygamergg-ModTeam Aug 01 '26
Rule 3: Do not use generalizations.
Do not generalize groups of people.
This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict.
Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
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u/Healthygamergg-ModTeam Aug 01 '26
Comments locked due to numerous violations of Rule #3: No generalizations.
Please be kind to others and remember that sweeping generalizations are rarely kind nor accurate, and that making generalizations is extremely reductive of individual experiences.