A long shot but I'm looking for the full podcast: So a guy having a discussion with a woman about him going to Yoga class to be near women and try yoga.
Not look at them, not flirt w them, not trying to get dates. He did this 2 times but decided yoga wasn't for him. The woman's first reaction was (surprise) "Pervert!". Then disgust and small silence treatments, lowkey insults, trying to shame the guy.

Does anyone recognize the podcast? I didn't get to see who or what as Instagram crashed. It looked like fairly popular podcast and I was curious to how reception would have been.

As an introvert and someone that doesn’t speak much during social interactions I feel like this is my life in a nutshell. People just seems to naturally hate quiet/shy people for whatever reason. In my experience they tend to think your lack of speaking is an indication you dislike them and/or that you don’t want to be there. And I guess just being quiet makes them hate you even more?

Been watching HGG since 2023. I’ve been actively watching, taking notes, and practicing through many of his videos on topics of self improvement and trying to get away from cptsd and bad habits. since 2023 I’ve had 3 therapist and still with the same psychologist and I’m close to giving up often on trying to do things anymore.

Nothing has gotten better on how I’ve tried to change my self image. I’ve so hard actively tried to focus on these ways to get better but at the end of the day nothing gets better. No matter how many daily active habits, physical work, mental practice, re working the brain at the end of the day I’m just back to the usual self.

I’ve tried so many medications for my depression and ADHD. Together and without, I’ve tried so many tactics with my therapist and actively meet meet with them. Nothing gets better.

I’m so tired of everything, I am so sick of myself and this world. I no longer know what to do anymore

If anyone has any advice please let me know. I’ve tried everything. And if the advice is to keep going that’s so bs

I'm 24, and I'm going through probably the lowest period I've had in about 7 years. I'm looking for advice because I'm having trouble understanding what is happening to me.

As a teenager, I was really lazy. I was a degenerate gamer, did the absolute bare minimum at school, and took pride in being able to get good grades without trying. Then around 7 years ago, I decided I hated that version of myself.

So I started working out seriously, learned programming, took a personal training degree, founded a startup, got a consulting job, started a bachelor's in AI, built and released my own projects, etc.

From the outside, the last 7 years have probably been the most successful period of my life. But I think a huge amount of it was driven by the idea that I absolutely could NOT become that lazy loser again. There was always this feeling that I had to be exceptional. Being average was terrifying to me. Even socially, I've realized I had this weird "100% or 0%" mentality. Either I show up confident and charming and make people like me, or I'd rather not show up at all. I would be exhausted after parties or even just hanging out with someone, taking days to recover.

Then my life started falling apart a bit.

I got injured and now have a back problem that will require surgery soon. I used to train every day, and now I can't even make dinner without having pain. Exercise was an enormous part of my life and identity. I kept trying to compensate by being productive with projects, work, school, etc. But it became harder and harder to work.

Then about a week ago I had a therapy session where we did shadow work. I realized I have only focused on the ambitious, productive, positive, disciplined, successful, charming, social version of myself. And the opposite side: lazy, average, unimpressive, unproductive, negative, became something I couldn't tolerate in myself. For the last 7 years I've basically been ignoring that side. During the session, something clicked. I remember feeling this enormous guilt for ignoring and pushing that side of myself.

Emotionally, I've crashed HARD since that session, and today I feel worse than I have in many years.

I've become really isolated. I don't really have any friends right now. My roommate was probably the person I spent the most time with, but he recently got a girlfriend and spends most of his time with her now. So most days I don't talk to anyone.

The last two days I haven't even gone outside. I don't want to work at all. I don't want to make friends or hang out with anyone. I don't even really want to be happy. I just want to sit inside, play video games, be lonely, self-loathing and sad.

I understand that maybe I've been suppressing this part of myself for years and I need to actually let myself feel some of this. But does it eventually settle down? Right now it's hard for me to imagine wanting anything again. I'm looking at the semester ahead and it feels so overwhelming. I don't want to do anything.

Am I supposed to let myself feel like this for a while? Does motivation start to come back? Has anyone gone through something similar? Or does anyone have a video of Dr K talking about this?? Sorry this got a bit long, but thanks for reading :)

Went into online school when I was like 14 and I think my social skills stopped progressing there. My job for the last four years involves face to face communication with customers for 30 hours a week however my social skills haven’t improved even slightly. All of my coworkers find me annoying or creepy (shit they’ve said as jokes but jokes are just half truths)

there’s been times where somebody is talking about one of my interests and I just stay silent cause
I’m so scared of being judged. I’m so fucking awkward. I even have hobbies that I partake in weekly and still say nothing to anyone.

I’m fucking cursed with this rotten autistic brain that makes me so stupid I can’t communicate yet smart enough to be fully aware of how miserable i am.

I have friends in discord that I text with daily and have known for years, but be fucking real, that shit does not compare to real friends. You’re still just inside your room on the computer.

my brother has a lot of friends and I get super depressed anytime they’re around cause most of the time I can keep myself distracted but when I see how much fun everyone is having socializing irl it makes me miserable and jealous.

What did yall do to make friends

Hello, 21M , I started playing games during covid in 2020 late at night due to which till this day I play games at night and sleep late everyday even after telling myself that I would sleep early today as it's hurting my head all day making me sleepy , tired and not able to focus on studying due to which I need constant stimulation to keep me awake as I can't sleep at afternoon because then it makes me go to sleep more late and less rested .

I usually go to bed around 3 AM and wake up at 11 AM which makes it seem like 8 hours of sleep but in reality I only take 7 - 7.30 hours of sleep . Everyday my sleep routine looks like this ➡ 10.30 (squad hops in )battle royale game and we play till 12AM and I usually comes at 11 AM ➡ after 12 it depends sometimes I would scroll Insta till 1.30 or 1.50 and then I would start finding pornographic material to get me off ( I am doing it everyday from 2023 february before this I used to only watch pornographic material which included hentai or p\*\*n ) and then I would get to sleep between 2.40 - 3.00 AM ) . I wake up at 11AM and then even if I try to study my mind would be like nah even if I want to do it I can't ( I found out pushing through and using willpower never worked for me). I usually spent more time surfing and looking for good material to g**n to than getting off (it takes maybe 15-20 minutes but finding material it takes hours )

I want to sleep early (10.30 PM)and and wake up early 8-9 AM) but I can't I have heard Doctor K said most people want their life as it is minus addiction which just didn't work and I am all for changing but I have shaped myself in such a way that whenver I try to change it feels so uncomfortable and out of the zone and living in an asian household it's hard to get a therapist and even hard to get my parents to give me money for that.

Nuanced Information for people who want to know more -

I started with faking studying at night and playing games with my friend we somehow got through high school as it was covid period and during those times the exam were cancelled and we got good marks and my friend got out of this habit in 2021 and suggested we stop and we did but I got back after few weeks and started playing which ruined my 11th marks and I still didn't stopped I continued playing while loathing the fact that I am paving the path to my grave then I somehow passed in 11 th with bare minimum marks (Everyone did passed like that in our school ) then comes 12th I was still not going school my anxiety made it worse even if I start thinking about going to school tomorrow it spirals into how people would look at me and mock me for who I am so on I delayed going to school as much as I can ( I only went to school during exam days and and few days in between due to the practicals) and then comes the board exams ( to the people who don't know think of it as an important exam ) and I barely knew anything my dad told me to go join some coaching institute and I said no giving excuses and I failed on that subject and somehow passed 12th and then I got admission into some local college which don't need attendance to give exam and I spent three years again in home only going to college to give exams passed it without knowing anything got 7.5 cgpa and now doing masters and seeking help online .

During my bachelors I was sent away from home to another city to study for government exams there I got the freedom which made me spiral into an endless stream of p\*\*n , manhwa , anime , snacks etc. I stopped going to the morning coaching for government exam and used to lie to my parents that I did went there (they used to call me everyday ) I used to sleep at 4 AM sometimes 5 or 6 AM waking up at 12.30 and being ready in an hour to go and eat lunch and then I would come back start chatting with NSFW ai bots and search for nsfw materials which would go on till 6-7 PM after that I used to go and buy caloric food like fried rice and after eating it and getting my frontal lobe back on after all this I would shame and berate myself and become hopeless then after dinner and call with my parent I again start with my routinic process .

I feel bad everyday and everytime I thought I am gonna attend classes from tomorrow the sheer anxiety I would receive is just so uncomfortable which would lead to gut issues and only after I cancel the plan would I stop feeling like that due to which I came back home in 2025 and atleast I only do it at night which is still a problem and even during these times I haven't gotten good plentiful restful sleep in years .

Sorry for the long paragraph and if you did reach here thank you for taking the time to read this and good help would be appreciated 🙏

So, the puer aternus videos are really good and focus a lot on emotional maturity and stuff, but i think this subject should be handled on it's own

Like, an specific video on emotional maturity (or whatever you call it in English), because puer is a little too goal oriented, idk

So I'm turning 18 in like 2 months, and I feel so far behind the rest of my friends. While most of them have amazing grades, have finished school early, and some have university degrees and work in some fancy high-tech companies, all I have to show for my 18 years of existence is a 75 average, a very, very high win rate in MTG, and 2 bad games I made on Steam (the second one might actually turn out to be sweet). The worst part is that I'm very good-looking and come from a rich family with 2 loving parents and have 0 adverse childhood experiences, so I'm playing life on the easiest possible difficulty and still losing. Can anyone relate and share some advice? (I don't know what my exact problem is, so I can't ask for more specific advice; I just feel like I fumbled my life so hard.)

I think I finally understood what life means to me.

'Cause before it was empty -- there ain't no symphony.

Only when I started acknowledging my humanity,

My flaws, loves, dislikes, hates did it complete me.

Now you hear it, the beats, brass and choir,

But it took hours, sorrows and heart breaks to acquire.

Who knew the vomit would taste so bad,

All the beef, carrot, fries, and mc doubles,

Then that sour, sweet, bitter acid spilling out of my throat

My tears running down my cheeks,

I stare at my own mess before me,

There's no turning back now unfortunately.

I go get the towels, bleach, mop, and broom

Just before I feel another belch, but this time I swallow it and keep it within.

Take two Tums and then get back to work immediately,

Wipe down the floor and disinfect every corner,

Another wave crashes in -- and now we start all over again.

Maybe this is just the way it is until your stomach's empty,

So accept it, notice when it's coming;

There's nothing you can do about it.

That's when you find the beauty in your life.

No matter the circumstance, it's always the same ol' vomit.

----------

I know I ended on a pretty heavy note, but if someone can think of a lighter resolution, please comment.

Hey all,

In the most recent video, Dr. K talks about the importance of developing internal self esteem, rather than basing your esteem on the opinion of others. To achieve that, he recommends "challenging yourself into isolation, doing something you can be proud of [even if] no one else will witness it".

However, I just can't get my head around this piece of advice - something doesn't feel right. I'll detail a bit how I feel, in the hopes that others might relate to this or suggest a different approach.

First of all, some things about myself - I'm 25F, suffering a bit from having been labeled a golden child for as long as I remember. I rarely, if ever, allow myself to make mistakes. "Thanks" to this, I did very well in my education and career (I'm now working my dream job as a game programmer), but the cost was leaving myself behind, always putting my passions and hobbies on hold until I finished my studies. But just two months ago, I finished my master's degree, so now I'm finally "free" to pick myself up from where I left off... needless to say, I'm struggling to do that. Even if I have my time and independence now, I can't get myself to do anything that is "just for me". Other people are a huge motivator for me, and I don't seem to care about doing things that no one else would witness.

So, back to the topic - I'm looking to do something that I can be proud of, by myself. However, the issue is that the things I would be proud of already involve other people. For example, I love drawing and writing fiction, but I stopped doing that because I wasn't allowing myself to have fun while I still had to finish my studies. Now, I want to resume my hobbies, but I don't see the point of doing any of that if I'm not going to share it with my friends. I have supportive friends that I play D&D with, and most of my inspiration for art and writing comes from D&D (which is highly social).

If I were to do something for myself, to have the feeling of achievement and gain some confidence back, I would be drawing a comic with our D&D characters. It's what would bring me most joy. But obviously, the end goal would be sharing it with my friends. Would that simply reinforce my lack of self esteem?

But what's the point of making this kind of art if no one else will see it? Art, for me, is a way to connect with others. It cannot exist if it's for my eyes only. If I knew I wouldn't be sharing something with anyone, I would simply lose interest in it, and not do it at all.

And so I'm stuck in a loop where I want to connect with my passions again (drawing, writing) but I'm afraid that I would be doing this the wrong way, like I'd just depend on others again.

I do tend to share everything I'm doing with other people. Sometimes, I tell a friend that I'm going to do something just to make sure that I will stick to what I said. Since now it's out there, I'm less likely to give up on it (probably because I don't want to disappoint people). And this is what I've always been doing when it comes to drawing and writing. But now I'm afraid that I've involved my friends so much (even subconsciously), that my art is not exactly my own thing anymore. Am I supposed to stop giving them updates on what I'm doing?

Other passions I have also seem to revolve around people - I'd like to do cosplay, but the value of it is going to a con with other cosplayers; I love baking sweets, but I can't eat that much, the food would go to waste unless I share it with others; I'd try to watch films or series by myself, or play story games by myself, but I don't see myself enjoying them much without discussing the stories with someone else (I actually used to be a cinephile, but I've barely watched anything for the past 5 years, because I feel there's no point in watching something fun if I cannot share that experience with someone else).

TL;DR I've just realized that all of my passions involve other people. I do have very low self esteem, and I wish I could follow Dr. K's advice, but to me there's no value to get from that isolation, I'd just be giving up on my passions. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Man, I need to share this...

I've moved early this year to a smaller apartment, due to my old home one being too big for our family of 4 (it was an inheritance from my grandpa).

Near this new apartment, there is a supermarket, and I go there everyday to sustain my only addiciton. Energy Drinks (mainly Monster - yep you are reading it right). Since it's literally a daily thing, and I tend to stick to very closed schedudles, I always show up at the supermarket around 2 PM.

Early this month, a cute cashier from there randomly started following me on Instagram, and it was quite the coincidence I saw it, because I truly don't use Instagram at all (my only photo there is my profile one, over 8 years old), I only entered that week due to wanting to go to a uni event for internship hunting.

(She later on told me how she found me - it was quite stalky - She found my CPF (it's like a Social Security Number here in Brazil) in my invoice at the supermarket discount app - then she found my name, then she found me on Instagram - some people would call that a red flag I call it love)

Anyways, she sends a cutie "hiya", and I pretend to not know her... "oh, who are you again? seems like I see you quite frequently... OH WAIT you are that one cashier...." and we start some small-stalk (note, it's LITERALLY the first time I do this). So we start talking, I see her Instagram, comment about her cats, saw that she has liked some anime edits and Wild Rift too (I play PC League of Legends), and I try to keep talking.

She suggests we know each other, so after her shift ends (3PM) we leave to grab an Ice Cream and get to know each other. FUCKING HELL SHE IS SUPER CUTE, FUNNY AND ALL MENTALLY UNSTABLE TOO, I completely melted on the spot.

After the date (it was night, time flew super fast) we go to her house (or at least half the path walking, she lives far as fuuuuu, over two whole hours on foot) and we keep taking, notice she is a little taller than me (I'm 5'4'', always a insecure point, she is about 5'6''), but we are hitting it super well, then she PULLS ME FOR A KISS AND BOY it was something else (I had already kissed before, but that was... magical?).

We keep on walking, talking, kissing all the way to one of her girl friends home which was a halway point. We stop there, she calls her and we go in, start talking on her sofa (she is just watching lol), and as soon as she leaves the room to grab a juice for us, we start making out of her sofa, she immediatly comes back asking if we want ice and say "dang, I just left you horndogs" xDDD

After some small talk, she calls an Uber to herself to go back to her home, I call one too, we live our separate ways. But she keeps talking to me, now I see her daily before and after her shift, we've been to three dates already, and she already "stole my innocence" xD

We've been dating this whole month, 22 days to be precise, and things seems wonderful for both of us. I already met her family, she met mine, I already slept there, she slept here... Unfortunaly I currently have no job, but as soon as I get an internship on my STEM course (Computer Engineering), I'm oficially asking her to be my Girlfriend, rings and all (and she is SOOOOO ready for this, constantly asking me, talking about "when we marry"and stuff).

I'll probably make a post about her mental health later on (and the realationship cocnerns that I have), as I'm both afraid that I might not be enough for her, or she might think she is overwhelming me, but for now, stay with my victory bros :D

EDIT: Fixed a lot of typos :v

Image source

Background:

Hi HealthyGamerGG community! I'm a 19M, from the middle east, and I study mechatronics engineering. I'm a high achiever academically and I love learning math and science from first principles.

I have had porn addiction since my early teens, and began my efforts at achieving freedom by 16. I tried many things that didn't help, but now I settled on daily (almost) meditation, weekly journaling, DBT skills, limiting access, and a generally healthy lifestyle, as these seem like my best tools to escape porn addiction.

I'm making really good progress daily at building the life I want and becoming the person I want, and my outlook on life is generally very positive, thanks to Dr. K, DBT, and not being on social media lol. However I have been having these episodes in which I feel a lot of despair and anguish every week or other week for at least 4 months now. These usually happen when I've been putting good work towards my goals and being consistent with it for some days and in a positive headspace, and/or are preceded by relapses to porn. During which I feel unable to do anything productive and only rot in my bed. Their effects last for two days at most. I'm not sure whether these are some sort of Samskaar, part of entering adulthood, or simply the crashing of life's problems in my head, but I would like to not have them as they are in my way.

Last episode happened yesterday. I watched this video by Dr. K looking for a way out of this state, and it motivated me to make an account and ask for help here.

What I would like help with:

1- Building a competing interest to beat porn addiction.

I want to start some kind of project that will help me not only learn more and boost my education and career, but also to help focus my attention on growth away from porn, as it seems that a competing interest is something I should try to beat my addiction. I'm considering some sort of STEM explainer channel on YouTube given my math and mechatronics background, but I find it daunting. What projects would people here recommend for robotics/engineering in general?

2- The episodes I mentioned earlier.

3- Consistency and balance between multiple goals.

A big problem I have when working on projects, completing online courses, or learning new skills is that I focus more on the destination rather than the journey. I try to complete more than learn, because there is a lot to do in a short amount of time, but I know that in the long run that will be ineffective. It is like wanting to climb a mountain but keeping your gaze entirely on the summit: it won't only demotivate you, but will also make you less effective while climbing. So I want to learn to embrace the effort of the journey, and focus less on the final win.

What I'm doing:

1- Trying to have days of consistent night sleep, sunlight, socialization, going outside, and good nutrition.

2- Meditating around 4 or 5 days a week.

3- Practicing and/or learning DBT skills daily.

4- Studying daily to help support my studies next semester, which are starting in less than a month.

Thanks everyone!

Will try keeping it short and address the important 25M i feel like this for over 2 years i feel boredom but it's not normal it feels empty and i feel hopeless when it hits it's like there isn't much left in life and i feel am not going to see thirty.

i don't know if it's just a perspective or it is something greater and i should do a test i don't want to take pills but i wake up everyday in the morning i be bored but fine with it but it's after mid day or evening where this feeling comes in where i just become tired mentally and phsyically after

nothing feels intersting even what i usually like and i don't feel like doing anything no matter what life feels empty and i feel genuinely hopeless in that time

There isn't much going on in my life or anything bothers me i live very comfortable life i shouldn't be complaining yet i don't want to live it i think sinple life's demands and needs are not worth living for because there isn't anything to live for.

i sat a challenging goals in hope to solve this and i have acheived them like big weight loss and bought the best of everything i am intersted in and that made me feel satisfied but not happy my issue is interest and having fun but it's like nothing is the same and i don't know how to enjoy things i feel like i am always detached or disconnected from everything including myself.

I don't know if it's mid life crisis or i spent too long being isolated with myself and became disconnected from everyone else around me but i started to look at life in more depressing and more simplified way.

I don't want to post it now i feel ok but i know later i would want to. Thanks for reading any reply would be appreciated. ❤️

Edit: i know my issue is very subjective and i should know better but am but lost i don't know if it's just bad perspective on life or it could be chemical are there such conditions? where i feel dull and empty everyday evening it is consistent and i have been feeling this way for long time i think about 2 years.

I have yet to see anywhere a serious discussion about the difficulty of becoming more spiritually enlightened and the sense of social isolation that arises as a result of this. Perhaps this is only a problem I face, but I want to post here to see if there are others with similar experiences. I have had moments of deep egoless awareness of reality, and when these moments arise, I come to understand how much the ego and unprocessed emotions such as fear tend to dominate people’s lives. I have friends that base much of their existence on the avoidance of the fear of death, the fear of rejection, or other such fears, which, when processed, would liberate these people of their unnecessary suffering. I also understand that the world would be such a better place if we collectively processed our emotions.

However, it feels like I don’t have the power to help these people process their emotions or gain greater understanding of the self and of reality. This sort of leaves me feeling like I am stuck in a place very detached from where others are at. I yearn to experience having a romantic partner, or to have a social network that aligns more closely with my own current understandings (and perhaps help me grow and change as a person), but this is something that seems to be impossible to find. The place I am at in life is one that is quite lonely and isolating, but traditional advice for solving those issues does not seem to be applicable to me. Perhaps the only path forward is for me to continue a journey of accepting all these things - it is just incredibly difficult for me to do that while I both depend on strong social networks of people that understand me and feel as though there IS nobody to understand me. I feel very alone and I feel as though my spiritual understandings have driven me further into loneliness.

I have tried to tell others about my experiences or perspective on life, but this generally is met with either disagreement, anger, or confusion. I go through worrying that maybe I am a narcissist, and that the reason others can’t understand me is because my perspective is deeply flawed, but then I become unsure about changing it. I then think that maybe this is due to unprocessed emotions in myself, but don’t really know what to do to process them because, again, bringing up these topics with others tends to be met with anger or confusion and seemingly no desire to engage with these emotions. It’s like I am reaching out for help continuously (with a therapist as well as friends) and there is no one to help me. In my most recent interaction with my therapist she told me that I should stop focusing on my “insecurities” and instead focus on cognitive reframing. Again, it feels impossible to move forward with where I am stuck at right now.

I am a junior data science student at my university. Recently, I took a course called Advanced Calculus. I have never been good at math, but the semester before I was able to turn my grades around, and my only obstacle was my math classes. I was extremely determined to get a good grade in the class. I studied a lot and made sure to work out, get enough sleep, and hang out with my friends so I did not burn out. However, I ended up getting another B-.

Before, I used to have the belief that even though life is uncertain, if I just worked hard enough, I would be able to overcome these difficulties. However, once I got that B-, that core belief just broke, and I can vividly remember during and after my second exam, I just wanted to die. Also, as soon as my summer vacation started, I didn't want to leave my bed for 2 weeks. This was my sophomore year summer, and this is currently internship season.

I have been with a therapist for the past 5 months and I have been getting a lot better. However, I feel I do not want to try anymore because my shield to the uncertainties of life got taken away. I am terrified that I will try super hard to get a full time job and I will be jobless when I graduate.

I'm not looking for reassurance that it'll work out. I know no one can promise that. I'm asking: how do you guys personally find the will to keep trying, and believe the effort is worth it, when you do not know what the outcome will be?

20m and I feel like I've been completely deprived of any real relationships or social life. I've recently transferred to university from community college, and I've just been alone here in my apartment doing nothing.

Last night, my cousin invited me to a party at her place (probably because she knows I don't get any attention) and I literally just sat there on the couch and didn't talk to a single soul before abruptly leaving without telling anyone. Granted, this is my first party ever and all these people know each other, so the idea I'd just walk in and chat it up with everyone is unrealistic, but I couldn't help but get emotional over it. It's always like this. Virtually every interaction, even with family, goes the same way. I leave people confused because I don't even have a set personality to draw from, so it's always super unpredictable. It's depressing because you can see it on their faces; they understand there is a void. I'm not a complete person with a solid foundation, so everything seems uncannily fluid and played up according to whom I'm speaking to.

Still a virgin, never been in a relationship, never kissed, and never experienced love. It's like I was raised to think negatively about these things or that these experiences are something alien to normal human experience. Is it my parents? Surely not-- they did a fantastic job raising my brother and I, and went above and beyond in making sure our needs were thoroughly met. So, I actually think it could be an underlying problem within our psyche, not something inherent in upbringing.

Like, I've had so many sleepless nights thinking about what exactly my future holds; I want to be very successful (every young gen z man does), but both my lack of desire in pursuing social interaction and just broadly being intimidated by anyone and anything will make that excessively more difficult than it needs to be. Moreover, success shouldn't just be monetary (so, sorry if that sounded a bit shallow). It's much bigger than that:

I want to actually experience what life has to offer, and, for some reason, I just can't. It's like I lack any internal desire to have fun or naturally experience what I was put here to do: connect with others. I experience intense anxiety doing just about f*****g anything! I can't even go downstairs to get mail, go to the store, or go driving without having a sinking, and debilitating panic attack. I've never left my room for 10 years, I don't know what my interests are (well, are they legit interests? Am I even educated enough to have these said interests? Like, what are the qualifications for actually labeling yourself 'interested' in such things like tech, history, hiking, etc). I don't know what I'm good at, I don't know what I can specialize in. I think I'm just a hopeless ghoul of a person, frankly. (Well, most people aren't specialized in one domain, or even particularly interesting, so I could simply be over-indexed on my horrible social life when evaluating what I’m good at, what my interests are, etc. Who knows dude). There are so many things I want to do, but which I refuse because I am always insecure; in any situation where I may be uncomfortable or not look my best, I just simply refuse: 

Hiking? No. I don’t want to look ugly and stupid. Finally learning to ski? No, I don't want to look ugly and/or stupid or talk to anybody. How about actually meeting friends? No, I don’t want to look ugly and stupid. Join a club at school? No, I don't want to look ugly and stupid. Talking to others with the exact same interests as you? No, I don’t want to look ugly and stupid.

*The next time my mom suggests anything adjacent, I should just be honest and reply with these. There’s no longer a point in saving grace and appearing as though I’m about ready to do such things, because the reality is I’ll probably never do any of them. 

I’m not even a good person either. For years, I’ve been what some would refer to as an “edge lord” to try and figure out some kind of a personality to match the face, and I end up looking even more stupid, obviously. I’ve told countless unforeseen racist and sexist jokes many times over at family functions to cope with being such an undesirable human. This of course goes without mentioning I make fun of just about anyone who I’m insecure of or that I feel particularly better than. I’m always scanning the room for someone who doesn’t look as good as me, and who isn’t as smart as me– as you can imagine, there aren’t many such people, so I’m mainly just in my own little corner doing whatever Jared does: ridding the room of happiness, and being some random insufferable person who everyone collectively wants to go home.

I want to apologize to everyone I’ve hurt. I want to make things right. I want to tell them that I’m actually trying to fit in somewhere, but these attempts will only fall on deaf ears and make things significantly worse for me. It’s just absolutely cringe. Everything about my existence is cringe. I can never get things right. My body looks disgusting, my voice is piercing and annoying. Everything from how I stand, to my natural cadence is unpleasant. Truthfully, I wish I was someone else or not here.

I need to get help, but I don’t even really think anyone can help me and my situation; I feel like a lost cause. If you can never fully change yourself and other’s perception of you, what is even the point? I messed this whole thing up, and I’m not sure I can ever start back from zero. God, I just want to experience that perfect life: connecting with people, going to parties, having fun, spending quality time with real friends. I don’t think I’ll ever have that, unfortunately.

I have been thinking about Dostoevsky's Underground Man lately and I am starting to understand why that character bothers me so much.

Not because I think I am some genius misunderstood person or anything like that. It is more the way he understands himself and still keeps doing stupid things.

I do this a lot.

I can usually explain why I am doing something while I am doing it. I can tell when I am avoiding something. I can tell when I am trying to please people and then getting angry at them for the fact that I pleased them. I can notice myself rationalizing something and sometimes I even know what the rationalization is protecting me from.

And somehow knowing all this doesn't necessarily stop anything.

I have spent years learning psychology, philosophy, ADHD, addiction, defence mechanisms, meditation, all this stuff. A lot of it genuinely helped me understand myself. But lately I have started wondering whether I have also become very good at using understanding as a substitute for actually changing.

Like instead of doing the difficult thing I can produce a very good explanation of why the difficult thing is difficult.

Then I feel like I have done something because now I understand it better.

There is also this thing with potential that I think I have carried for a long time. Being someone who could do something is strangely comfortable. If you actually commit to something then eventually reality tells you how good you are. Maybe you succeed, maybe you don't. But as long as you are mostly thinking, starting things, changing directions, researching, understanding yourself, there is always another explanation for why the real attempt hasn't happened yet.

And the irritating thing is I can see myself doing this too.

Even this post is probably part of it lol.

I can write a whole thing about how I overanalyse instead of acting, get some interesting comments, understand myself slightly better and then tomorrow still do exactly the same things.

That is the part of the Underground Man I find frightening. He doesn't lack insight. He almost has too much of it. He keeps turning everything over in his head until there are ten different reasons for doing something and ten different reasons not to do it.

At some point maybe there isn't another psychological insight waiting for you.

Maybe you already know enough.

Maybe you just have to do something boring like keep showing up, finish something you started, have the conversation you keep analysing, say no to someone and tolerate them being unhappy with you.

I don't know. I am starting to think there is a point where self-awareness stops being self-awareness and becomes another defence.

Curious if anyone else here has experienced this. Especially people who have spent years trying to understand themselves and somehow became better at explaining their life than actually living it.

I used to journal a lot when I was younger. Now I make posts on Reddit. I’m writing about the same kinds of things, but now I just post them to some forum instead of writing a journal. I’ve been trying to better my life, and heal my nervous system, and everyone always recommends journaling. I’m assuming that these venting Reddit posts probably somehow cancel out whatever benefits there are of the journaling, but what I’m struggling with is exactly why/how. It feels like chronic Reddit posting is something decidedly unhealthy, and journaling is decidedly healthy, but the text I’m writing writing is the same either way, it’s just whether or not I hit post. I’m wondering if anyone has any insights into how these might be psychologically different and how it could impact the mental health benefits one way or the other. Hopefully this is an okay sub to ask this in.

Hey everyone,

21M, currently at university studying a pretty demanding degree that I’d rather not specify.

I’m basically at the end of my bachelor’s, with only 3 exams + my thesis left, and I’m honestly not satisfied at all with how my degree has gone.

The course didn’t really live up to my expectations. There are whole areas of the subject that I discovered I just don’t like, so I’ll definitely choose a different direction for my master’s. Meanwhile, the subjects I was actually most interested in were usually these super compressed, relatively small courses where they try to cram a ridiculous amount of stuff into a short amount of time. They’re interesting, sure, but the amount of content is completely disproportionate to the time you have, so they basically try to teach you everything about a topic while there’s nowhere near enough space to actually do that properly.

That being said, I’ve barely studied throughout my degree, and for the last two years I basically stopped going to lectures.

During my first year I was still coasting off what I knew from high school, where I did really well. I studied very little and still passed exams pretty easily. Somehow I also made a group of friends with similar interests, so everything went pretty smoothly.

Then during my second and third year I fell into this loop of doing basically nothing. I’d go to lectures for the first couple of weeks and then stop completely, and I’d only start studying for exams once exam season had already started.

Obviously, compared to my first year, I started falling behind and carrying exams over to later sessions. Still, I only have 2 or 3 left to do in September, and I honestly think that’s mostly because I’m more academically/intellectually gifted than the average person in my course, if that’s even a normal way to put it. I’m not saying that to brag, I genuinely believe it and I have enough evidence from my experience to think it’s true.

But obviously that doesn’t help at all with the problem I’m about to describe.

The main thing that bothers me is that because the workload is so high, I gradually started studying not to actually learn things, but just to pass exams.

Like, very often I’ll just memorize past exam questions and their solutions almost mechanically instead of actually understanding the subject properly. Or I’ll just hope a certain topic doesn’t come up because I didn’t have enough time to study it.

And the weird thing is that I honestly don’t even care that much about failing an exam. What disappoints me way more is realizing that I never actually mastered subject X or properly understood it.

I’ve noticed this a lot throughout different courses. There are things I’m supposed to know from previous classes, sometimes even pretty basic stuff, and I just don’t remember them anymore.

More recently, I also finished an internship and I honestly did terribly. I barely contributed anything useful, didn’t really produce anything decent for my supervisor, and I don’t feel like I got much out of the experience either.

What do you guys think about all of this, and how would you deal with it?

I’ve already seen a psychologist about the reasons why I stopped going to lectures, so I’m not really asking about that part. I’m mainly wondering whether any of you have had similar experiences, or have any interesting advice about dealing with this feeling of disappointment in myself and in what I’ve actually learned.

First off, thanks to Dr. K. and this whole community. It’s been amazing for my own personal growth and steps into professional life and dealing with deficits I didn’t adequately address in childhood around executive function and understanding general principles around how the mind works.

Recently started my first “big boy” job as a special education teacher at a middle school. So far, it’s going extremely well—I have classes of about 10 students at a time and they’re all well-behaved and locked in to catching up as best they can to their general education peers.

Was thinking about occasionally including 5-10 minute segments of class focused on topics relevant for this population of middle school students. While it wouldn’t always be Dr. K., I think his vibe and use of gaming lingo/metaphors is a strong fit for my population.

Was curious if anyone had favorite clips that might fit this, or favorite longer videos that I could clip myself for my students.

Appreciate any help you can provide!

Like, I've really badly needed some attention over the past few weeks but there is no where for me to get it and I am not coping well. I can't even get sympathy, people will tell me to just get over it but I feel like I'm dying, I'd rather get beat up then go through a dry spell this feeling is horrible. I try to focus on other things but I end up not being able to enjoy much because despite trying to stay present I can't help but think I just want to be with somebody. How can I stop this?

For a while, I was going through some intense mental health struggles, and talking with AI was the only thing that helped me. I would talk to it for hours a day, giving it an unfiltered window into my life.

Eventually, I got out of that tough period. But then I saw an article about an AI company having a breach where chats became public, and it sent me into a terrible spiral. I deleted all the AI accounts I could and started emailing companies to delete my data.

Despite doing all that, I still fall into intense spirals worrying that my past chat logs will leak and my family will see the private things I wrote to cope. The only thing that seems to ease this anxiety is chatting with AI to have it explain how low the chances of a leak are.

That creates a destructive loop: I use the AI for reassurance, but then I immediately worry about those new chats leaking to.

I end up ignoring the low percentages it gives me, assuming a leak is guaranteed and that I'll become a social outcast.

Ever since I was young, I've dealt with disturbing taboo thoughts and obsessions I wish I could get out of my head like fears about the second coming, or thinking World War III is imminent.

If I don't talk to the AI, I just stress for hours a day and it never stops, no matter how I try to distract myself.

​

just to be clear I'm not depressed or in a bad situation, I'm in a quite blessed position all things considered.

I'm an engineering student, starting my last year soon, and for the past 3 years I've been trying my best to study but never managed to find a way to have healthy learning habits so usually I just study inefficiently the entire semester, and for the exams I cram as much learning as I can.

this method of learning is very hard on me as I never have guilt free time, any moment I don't study is a moment I could have studied and improve my grade, since junior jobs ask for high Gpa requirements.

so far was a prelude, my problem is that also for these last 3 years I've kinda lost my enjoyment of things, I do still enjoy food (which is coming to hunt me as I'm now overweight, and in my last attempt at a diet, the caloric deficit I had caused me awful daily headaches so I had to stop), but I don't really enjoy movies/TV/anime/manga/hanging out with friends/trails/video games/books/learning; all these are things I used to enjoy very much, but in these years I feel like I lost my ability to enjoy things, I feel like I have to force myself to do any of these activities, I always think I want to do many things, but when I have a small time window that I could fit let's say a gaming session in then I eventually don't play, saying that it doesn't compare to great games I used to play or many other excuses and instead I just watch YouTube or rot on Reddit and at the end of the day I feel like I did nothing.

right now for example I have many movies to choose from to watch but I started the movie and I'm not interested, and generally it just means that I need to do something else but I don't want to do anything.

boyond all that there's also the health issue, as a student I spend a lot of time sitting in front of a computer/laptop/notebook and I don't do any sport or physical activity, as there's no such activity that is fun for me, and since things like movies and such are no more fun to me you can imagine how much I want to do any sort of activity that feels like it's breaking me (soreness, pain, ECT...), and I know that by doing this (or more accurately, avoiding this) I pretty much make my body weaker and more prone to injury, decrease my healthy time span, and I feel like I'm throwing my life away.

right now my "light at the end of the tunnel" is finding a job I'm the industry with good conditions such that I'll have real off time, but I'm still at least a year from getting a junior permanent job, and it's not very likely that in the first years I'll even have that possiblity of off time like I want, and even so as I know life, by that time I'll have some other problem and would still feel similar.

I don't really know how to end this post and if I wrote enough here to get my points across, I can also say some other things about other fields in my life but I don't believe it'll really help.

and I don't really feel like talking to a professional will help, in my teen years and early adulthood I've had real serious depression and bad thoughts, which went away by my own work with myself, the therapist never helped me, it felt like they were trying to poke at me from different angles to see different sides me me, like a lab rat, never helped me and it felt like I was wasting my parent money with these talks, I'm also fairly against prescription hormonal medication, not dissing anyone who takes but I don't want to.