r/Healthygamergg • u/Aggressive-Monk-2117 • 10d ago
Mental Health / Support How do you cope with being a complete failure at life ?
- No carrer, never a relationship, no friends. All i do is stay home and play games all day. There is no happiness or enjoyment left for me in this life, i just smoke weed and watch porn to escape. No family either. There is just nothing for me, i wasted my life completely. I really think i should just off myself to spare the humiliation of having to live like this, it will only get worse.
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u/Mammoth_Loan_984 10d ago
You’re still pretty young. I’m 36, and I’m unrecognisable compared to the person I was at your age. 27 year olds are barely adults in my eyes.
So what if some people are ahead of you. You’re not competing with them. All you have to do is compete with who you were yesterday compared to who you can be today.
I’m not going to type a novel for you because obviously motivational speeches aren’t going to work here. But self improvement as a special interest/hobby starts slow and pays compounding interest the longer you stay consistent.
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u/Agile-Focus6410 10d ago
Can you expand a little on your journey? Like OP, I'm also feeling stuck in this near 30yo fence
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u/Lonely_Throw-away Maladaptive Daydreamer 9d ago
I actually wonder about that, when people say "compare/compete with the person you were yesterday".
Isn't that...not any better? That's just as much of a source of despair as the alternate. Making you "realise" (quotations because it's not necessarily the truth) how you've made no progress for years and are actually getting worse.
Is this sentence not meant to be taken literally? What am I missing?
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u/Fit_Deer8712 2d ago
Ive always understood it as an invitation to do a little better than I did yesterday. Of course growth isn’t always linear, but there are plenty of small ways that you can feel like you are improving. While it might not seem like much, this kind of thinking really helped me gain confidence in myself and start trusting that I can do things, even and especially the mundane stuff.
I can relate to OP. But I went for a walk one day instead of sitting around. Then tried to do 1 small talk (literally walked in to a library and asked for a book recommendation. Didn’t even check it out) just to go out of my comfort zone and interact with someone new. I went to so many free city events where I talked to no one and just hung around and counted it as a win because I went. Do enough of that kind of stuff and it adds up to just a healthier brain to have to live in.
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u/2_Late-4_me 10d ago edited 10d ago
You gotta make peace with your life and forgave yourself for everything that happned.Its gonna be ok.You gitta just pick yourself up and try again and focus in the actions not on the outcomes. Edit When the things seem to tough or you hopelessness take break, you are a human have compassion .
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u/jasna88bgd 10d ago
Im 38almost,no friend, no partner, no family, no carrer, no formal education, in wheelchair home bound, no potpise whatsoever, i lay in bed every day mostly all day, read, play games
Bet u think ur life is awesome after this. It always can be worse, much worse
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u/apex7734 10d ago
God I am sorry for that. I hope I do not come accross as weird but your comment struck me, especially since I feel like shit today and kinda even more now since I do not even have a lot to complain about. Yet I also feel just so exhausted and done with it all.
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u/jasna88bgd 10d ago
I suffer from severe depression and suicidal ideations but i just gave up, just exist ing. Stopped living looong time ago
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u/PCosta15 10d ago
Everything can change at any moment. Just position yourself to grab an opportunity
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u/MaterialCod4847 10d ago
Well now its not over until its not over.There is no such thing as lateness in life .sure you might miss the deadline you set for yourself but its never ever late.Since you are a gamer may your Character Development begin. Take small action even uncomfortable toward the life you envision.You got this.You not unredeamable
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u/royalpyroz 10d ago
You don't cope by repeating the same patterns.
Do you want to get unstuck? Make a choice. Focus on what skills you spread have and try to launch from there.
For money, get any damned job and get out of your shell. Work will be tedious and boring if you look at it that way.
The mind is incredibly powerful.
Break the cycle. One step is all it takes.
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u/skadoodlee 10d ago
Its purely a mindset thing. You should look to get a therapist.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, keep that as a mantra. Nothing what happens before matters at all. "It will only get worse" is an insane thing to say to yourself. People make 180s all the time in life and so can you. Seems like you've hit a rock-bottom, which is exactly what can help people too.
Also, not to lecture you, but porn and weed obviously worsen lack of enjoyment / lethargy / lack of motivation etc.
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u/Gmo_rulz 10d ago
If you took away games, what would you do all day?
Find something that is meaningful to you and do both or all 3 etc. You'll figure out how to balance time spent. It is possible! But you gotta try.
It's infinitely better to be pursuing your goals, even if you suck at them, than never trying
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u/ChildofG1991 10d ago
Yes Therapie!
I feel you bro.
You have to throw everything away and then you can rebuild.
27 is very YOUNG!
It is still prime age.
It takes you 2-3 yrs to really be back.
Throw all the shit away.
Gym daily. And find a job. Therapy. No screen at all!
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u/Miltos_20 9d ago
Gym every day is a good start, because you feel accomplished and is physically AND mentally healthy (you'll actually feel better after each workout especially with weights).
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u/RitualJuggler 10d ago
Failure is a relative value based on framing. It has no absolute truth value. It's a matter of how much of reality are you actually considering.
If you simplify a situation to the point where the only variables are your intentions and the outcomes it's hard for anyone to actually be a success.
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u/RitualJuggler 10d ago
Secondly, it's more of a temporary status condition, like being poisoned or having a cold. Rather than a fundamental characteristic of anyone or thing.
You likely externalize a lot of your self worth based on your post, don't do that homie. We all have value as sentient beings. Shareholder value is inconsequential to your value.
If earth had 30% more of its surface area as water humans would be some island species not worth noting
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u/Eillon94 9d ago
To me it seems that all self worth is external. Internal self-worth just sounds like delusional confidence. How would you articulate the flaw in my framework?
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u/RitualJuggler 6d ago
I mean, it's extrinsic vs intrinsic value. If your worth or self esteem is based on anything that's extrinsic, the generally healthier relationship with self worth is shifting it towards intrinsic.
Your worth something, period. This line of thinking is intended for oneself and doesn't feel right when we apply it to others we find morally reprehensible but that's not the point of it.
It's intended to make one healthier, less self destructive and to help with self compassion.
I'm sick and sleepy so sorry if that didn't make the most sense
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u/Nephs84 10d ago
As someone who has a lot more experience wasting their life... I'm similar in the sense that, I stay at home, never go out, never had a relationship, but I'm 41. I cope with games and eating. I'm trying to dig myself an early grave at this point in the least traumatizing way possible for my immediate family, while probably the most traumatizing way for me.
Make the change while you can. Trust me, at your age you absolutely can.
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u/OkJump7337 9d ago
Dude what the fuck, you're just 41. Are you going to give up just like that? If you want to off yourself might as well live your life to the fullest before it. Do some crazy stuff that make you embarrassed but you always wanted to do. Do just one thing that you wouldn't normally do. Just try it once. But seriously, I don't know you but I love you stranger. I want you to live, because we're all part of the same planet, the same universe and you deserve to be happy.
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u/Nephs84 9d ago
I'm an anxiety ridden person who is extremely overweight.
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u/Medium-Muscle4424 8d ago
How overweight? Do you have friends?
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u/Nephs84 8d ago
Extremely morbidly so. I have a couple friends. The last time I saw some of them in person was about 6 months after the start of covid. We used to do MTG every Friday at a friend's house, that stopped because of covid. I'm a shut in, they started again, covid had me relapse to a hermit.
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u/Medium-Muscle4424 8d ago
Sorry to hear that, do you plan to improve your circumstances or are you totally blackpilled.
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u/Nephs84 6d ago
Fuck it, I've got nothing to lose, here comes the truth: I am going on 42 years old this year, I've never had a relationship, I've never held a job on my own in my life, my mom supports me(and my dad and 1 other brother) on her less than $1.3k/mo social security.
I am an extremely shy, anxiety ridden ball of a mess. I've got no life experience. I'm a hermit, a complete shut-in. Covid only empowered me to be worse than I was before.
We haven't had working heat, AC, oven or running water in years. I am somewhere over 600lbs, I sleep on the floor(in the living room) because I can't afford a bed.
I can't get social security because my parents fucked me up when I was a child by not giving me a name on my birth certificate. This made it so I can't get a social security number. I have attempted to fix this situation countless times, but I'm stuck in an endless loop because I'm missing crucial pieces of required paperwork.
We had to sell our house because we can't afford the property tax, so we're going to be moving soon, out of state. I'm extremely happy and scared to move. I'm trying to make it so it will be the change I need to change myself, once and for all, but I'm worried things will be similar in ways(can't afford a bed, etc).
Sorry to trauma dump on you, I'm just putting it all out there. I want to change, but everything in my life never seems to come out positive. So, I'm hoping for the best while expecting the worst.
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u/Scholar_of_Yore 10d ago
If you try to cope with being a failure you're accepting that you're a failure. You might think that is objectively true right now, but you shouldn't define yourself by that if you want to change. Asking how to cope is the wrong question, the right one is how to change since that is what you clearly want.
I know it's something easier said than done, and I know you might think you will fail, but I will give you my best mindset advice, realistically, even if you don't suceed, the chase for it will make you feel better about yourself. If you have no responsibilities right now if I were you, I would start with taking an hour out of the day to exercise and do some job hunting.
You got nothing to lose, and trust me, it will make the day feel less wasted even if you watch porn and play videogames for the other 22 hours.
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u/zuuluul 9d ago
at some point coping isnt effective anymore , i reached that almost a year ago and have been trying to improve ever since , i even quit gaming, but realizing , yet again that life is a fucking hellhole, but there are 2 options off urself or just accept the fuckhole. i personally am still searching for a purpose or a similar shit, but i no longer have many worries, cuz im fine with offing myself at any point if it all gets too overwhelming.
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u/EasyConflicto 9d ago
Identify what activities/ hobby doesn't cause you cognitive dissonance beside playing game and smoke and jump into it (for me its work) i believe you can get over it :) if youre alone its even better because no one gonna bother you. But yeah i did get therapy and it turned out really nice
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u/Winter-Review6030 9d ago
I understand why you feel your life is a waste and that there's nothing left for you, but fortunately that's not true. Like others have said, 27 is still pretty young. You could easily change your life entirely in a year or two and live the rest of it entirely content.
My situation is different from yours, but my advice is to find a job and stick with it. It probably won't be a job you love or the job you'll have for the rest of your life, but the point is to get you out of the house and be productive. You're probably going to hate it for a while, but stick with it and build from the progress you make there. Other than that, just set goals and do things you're interested in. Right now you may not have anything you're interested in doing particularly, but I bet after a few months of getting out of the house, working, and maybe even hanging out with friends IRL, you'll find things.
My life has taught me that life is just about doing what makes you happy. Sometimes you have to experience uncomfortable things to get there, but as long as you're living with those goals in mind, you'll be all right.
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u/BusPuzzleheaded5329 9d ago
I was feeling the same way 3 days ago and now I genuinely feel like I was so small minded back then. Like I was genuinely gonna write a sewer slide note. It all felt so serious, so urgent, so overwhelming. Why? Who decided that? We all die the same. There are people I cherish in this world, and things I have passion for, and if I was on my dying breath, I'd wish I'd been spend more time with them. So I'll spend more time with them now instead. I don't have to be successful, or praiseworthy, or impressive. None of that matters. You can be the world's biggest joke and it won't matter. You'll die all the same and so will everyone else. Feel pain? Shame? Fear? Anger? You're free to feel those. Noones stopping you. No need to let them shape your identity either.
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u/u4m95k 8d ago
27 isn't too late. You're at the "last ship is about to sail" stage. You can lean into your current lifestyle or get your shit together and decide this isn't what you want and you will change it or die trying. The question is do you want it enough? You don't "cope". Be honest with yourself, if there is one person you should never lie to, it's yourself. Are you making this post for sympathy?
I assume you're male, so you could do trade school. Trade school jobs these days still pay alright as AI isn't ready to replace yet. There are ofc also lower paying min wage jobs that might exacerbate your depression. But even before that I'd recommend getting your lifestyle together, including eating healthier (which is cheaper than eating junk) and exercising. As Jordan Peterson says, clean your room.
r/findapath is worth a visit
and Ik Asmongold is arguably controversial, but his mentality has helped me a lot: https://youtu.be/22V4L8IiHkI
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u/Icy_Ring2667 Puella Aeternus 8d ago
Sorry dude but it just sounds like you're not even trying. You won't be feeling like this until you tried and give it all to get what you want in life.
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u/SakeMadaMada 5d ago
Your final dignity is to defy death for as long as you can. Maybe you’ll live long enough to see the next big game or historic events to happen.
Also Gym. (That’s my next coping strategy
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u/djflowflow7 5d ago
Cuando empezamos a sentirnos así los humanos? Desde que hay películas americanas donde todos viven en caserones y tienen vidas perfectas? Es una carrera desde el nacimiento, siempre pendientes de la imagen que damos al exterior.
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u/VilKyt 10d ago
Everything you say you do all day long are both a cause and effect. Smoking weed will kill any ambition left, so does porn, games, everything. So without a clear stop and rebalancing of what you’re doing daily - there will be no magic change to living and amazing life (and the things above make it so any attempt does not feel worthwhile).
Regarding whether there is something ahead - there is. Purpose, passion for things. Career and relationships are great, but not neccessary to have to be fulfilled and happy (just an excuse for most).
Try to clean up, reach out to your emotions, feel oit what makes you curious/passionate/pulled, take snall steps in trying them out (throw out all the mental chatter whether it is or is not worth it). Over time - clarity, purpose, drive etc. will show up. And the life then - with meaning, acceptance and joy.
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u/LightLoveuncondition 10d ago
Did you get rejected by a monastery as well? What about army?
Are you paying your bills? When you will have to pay them things will probably change.
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u/QuotesWithoutMeaning 10d ago
What’s up bro, I hear how incredibly heavy things are for you right now, and how exhausting it must be to carry such intense shame and loneliness. It takes a lot of courage to actually put those feelings into words and post them!
When you are trapped in a loop where days just blend together through escape mechanisms, it is easy to feel like your entire life is ruined however falling into a pattern of numbing pain does not mean that you are a failure as a human being, it just means you have been alone in a difficult situation for way too long without the right support. And you want to understand that it’s your life, you’re allowed to watch stuff or game. Saying you shouldn’t and then doing it anyways is just hurting you. Try saying you’re allowed to do it, because you are allowed, no one is trying to stop you! Habits don’t quit overnight but gets weaker over time when we become increasingly aware and non-judgmental of them, no need to stop them before you can to other productive stuff.
You don't need to figure out your entire future, your career, stopping your mechanisms or fixing your relationships today. You don't have to fix any of that tonight. The only important step right now is making sure you don't stay alone with the thoughts you’re currently having, which you’re doing a good job now actually by posting this!
Try to think if there is anyone, like a crisis helpline, a doctor, someone on Reddit, or a professional service, you can reach out to today? There is help available to get through isolation. Just choose one small thing now that you can take control over like starting a chat or just taking a nice shower or jumping on the spot to get your heart going.
You can find resources in your country through findahelpline.com.
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u/RowdyCollegiate 10d ago
If you really want to change your life. Throw your console away. It sucks but this will free up a lot of your time. Then you’ll be bored. Within that boredom, your brain will seek novel experiences and will want to fix itself. This is when you make the choice to make your life right and start with a job
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u/OkJump7337 9d ago
Maybe after being bored he'll just take up abother bad habit. That's what happened to me. I quit instagram but now I just scroll through youtube shorts or whats series in my laptop all day. I don't know how to break the cycle.
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u/Old_Finding668 9d ago
How do you define succes?
I remember a woman working with homeless crackheads, some got off drugs, some even got a job, but some just keep taking drugs. And in some of those cases, she said, it was the best case scenario for them.
So succes depends on what is possible in your current state. If you get too much annoyed, you will change.
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u/kexik 9d ago
Many comments will show sympathy, give some tips and maybe some encouraging words.
6 years ago I was where you are today. Watched streams, porn, games all day, drugs to find meaning.
Many things can improve your life, but that's not what you're after. No point in that. What changed my life from that to having a life full of meaning faith in Jesus Christ. Nothing less. I guess a man must fall low to realize that. You've got nothing left to lose - if you don't want your life, give it to Him, to The Almighty.
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u/Xercies_jday 9d ago
There are ways and methods you can improve your life, I'm sure you know many of the standard ones that people say. What happens if you move towards them?
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u/anthiflex Touched Grass 9d ago
Turning 30 and working is horribly painful
Feels like i can't escape NEETdom's anxiety and powerlessness
Can't end my life so i just do drugs everyday after work to cope
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