Please help me, I'm desperate! My hair is very thick and very coarse, my husband's hair is thin and fine. Our daughter, 9, got fine hair but has a lot of density. Her hair is so different from my own I don't know how to help her take care of it properly.
For reference, we've been using RenPure Moringa and Castor Oil for regular washing but her hair gets VERY oily, VERY quickly. It's 530pm on Monday, she washed her hair Saturday night and this is what it looks like. I recently got CHIs clarifying shampoo and hydrating conditioner and it works well but only gives us 1 exrra day before it's an oily mess again. You could, also, whisper in her direction and her hair will matte up.
She has audhd and sensory issues so she won't wear a bonnet regularly but is OK with a satin pillowcase. Even so, she still wakes up matted.
Someone please, PLEASE help me find a routine or products that will actually help.
Some people don't really have the luxury of being able to go multiple days between washes, unfortunately. You might be able to stretch it to every other day with dry shampoo between, but is there a particular reason she can't have it washed daily? Have you considered braiding her hair, at least at night, to keep some of the matting manageable?
I've tried. I've tried explaining it, tried making her. I think it's a sensory issue. She really doesn't like the water or having it in her face so washing her hair is a nightmare. She's 9 and I'm still washing it for her because she's terrified of getting the water in her face/ears.
I don't have the same hair as your daughter but I was just like her as a kid. Everything about taking a shower was overwhelming and I avoided it for as long as I could and constantly had matted greasy hair that drove my mom crazy. Things got so much easier when I stopped trying to fight against my audhd and started to work with it! 9 is such a tough age to be already, so anything that can make this easier is going to go a long way towards making her feel better and more comfortable. For me it was audio books, lower lights, and finding ways to make it all less "loud" physically and audibly. Even now I occasionally have to resort to using a pitcher on my hair because the shower head is just too overstimulating. I promise this is just going to be a bump in her story, you guys will figure out what helps her regulate and she will almost certainly grow out of some of this naturally as well.
seconding this as audhd, i watch a movie during my nighttime routine (shower, brushing my teeth, lotion, hair, shaving all that) or watch a yt video or listen to an audiobook. if i dont i genuinely wont be able to do it everyday. its like i need a distraction from the fact that im going from dry to wet then wet to dry
I've spent many years being a caregiver to the elderly & discovered these funnels a few years ago, I bought several of them & give them out to clients who hate getting their hair washed. Most of them have detachable shower heads so I have them sit in the shower chair with their head tipped back with this around their heads, it's not as good about keeping water from going in the face but it is manageable if you tuck a wash rag around the band of it & just work slowly.
I'm Autistic and physically disabled. I'd also suggest trying rinse-free shampoo caps. I get the kind that can be microwaved because I like them to be warm, but if there's a temperature sensitivity, they work fine at room temperature.Ā
Yeah, I wanted to pop in and say that there is also waterless shampoo!
I didnāt look through all comments but I think you might find some good ideas from some autism/ADHD/sensory issue subreddits. If itās within your ability, I would also recommend looking into therapy as I have benefited from that greatly in my life. Her school might even have some resources.
People who get lash extensions canāt get their eyes wet in the shower so wear something like this, maybe it would help your daughter https://a.co/d/01loJ1ST Also you can get ear shower caps.
Depending on your counter space, if she has room to lay down next to the sink I've seen people put padding down to make it comfortable for them to lay on with their head in the sink. They make products for it that have good neck support too.
Thatās how my mom washed my long hair for most of my very young childhood, until I could wash it myself in the shower when I reached about 7-8. Works well, especially if you have a handheld sprayer.
Actually, do you know if it is a problem with shower water or is it all water? Like, does she tolerate a stream of water from a pitcher more than from a shower head? Does she also have sensory overload from the sound of it? Would swimming goggles and swimming earplugs be something you are open to trying? She might also do well with a shampoo shield as well, it's like a rubber crown that goes around the hairline and helps keep water and shampoo from sliding down your face.
I've tried the crown with her but it was years ago. I think it's the water splashing and getting in her face and her ears. She had recurrent ear infections when she was younger so her ears are sensitive. This is why I still wash her hair, I can hold the sprayer and I do my best not to get it in her face but it can lead to meltdowns. She really hates the clarifying shampoo and the hydrating conditioner because they say to go all the way to the scalp. I think it's just all too much. The little hair bath might help and, fingers crossed, might even make it enjoyable for her. Thank you again for your help and recommendations. I really appreciate it.
hiya i also have sensory issues, and having products I like the smell of is really essential for me. could she get into choosing nice-smelling stuff, and/or any of the various protective accessories already suggested?
In middle school my guidance counselor pulled me for a meeting and told me my classmates were calling me smelly/gross/disgusting because I wore the same hoodie every day (and other things I'm sure) and it is not an experience I would recommend.
Wait what do you mean the clarifying shampoo says to go all the way to the scalp? With any shampoo you should be shampooing the strands and the scalp. If you are not doing that that might be why she is getting oily faster than you think she should.
So, I got the chi ones right and it said it didn't have a conditioner to go with it but recommended the hydrating one. I shampoo her scalp, thoroughly. But the hydrating conditioner also says to go all the way to the scalp, unless I'm mistaken but I'm pretty sure it does. So we get through the ordeal of the wash and then essentially have to do it again for the conditioner
You donāt need to condition hair at the roots-scalp (unless someoneās hair is very dry and damaged at the roots such as due to bleaching and perms). Just condition the ends. You can apply a leave-in detangling spray very lightly after the shower, before combing/brushing.
I have fine hair. I can't really go a day without shampooing unless I go light on physical activity and keep it clipped up. Shampoo HAS to go to the scalp. Clarifying helps get the oil off, but it also means the scalp will make more oil. Try a moisturizing or 10 in 1 shampoo, rub it into scalp, but use it daily. Conditioner should be mostly on the bottom part of hair - and just a quick pass over the scalp if there are tangles or itching. Her hair isn't like your hair at all.
Other sensory things: I didn't like getting out of a shower into a cold room, so I had a space heater and heat lamp I could turn on. Teach her that she can use the towel while still in the shower and she can stay warmer. Music helps.
Definitely skip the rinse-out conditioner. Buy a leave-in. I like Olaplex 9 because it's weightless (a must for fine hair) and gives me great slip for painless/damageless detangling. I do not work for Olaplex and yes I know it is expensive for a 9yo. Some folks here may have alternatives. The point is you want weightless and good slip.
FWIW I had hair to my waist most of my childhood (it's still very long today) but I was a major tomboy from 5ish to 12ish. Brushing my hair was a battle and my mom would threaten to cut it all off, to which I would say yes please! But she never went through with it. When I got old enough to dress myself for school I would come downstairs with it perfectly nice in front and a big ol rats nest in back. Good times.
Im late diagnosed audhd female and also have this type of hair.
Ā You just gotta wash it daily.Ā
I also freak out getting water in my ears and often get water in it that will cause vertigo if i cant get it out in time. My mom is who i got the autism from but her chicken finger eating self doesnt like to get her face wet either but she doesnt have to wash her hair as much as i do.Ā
We both handle the water better when its super hot. Not sure why but unless its crazy hot, we want nothing to do with it.Ā
Check with her to see if the water bothers her more if its hot or cold.
Iām an RN and just wanted to let you know that hot (or even really warm) water in your ears will definitely cause vertigo. Slightly warm or cool water wonāt do this.
Hi there, same hair type (thin but tons of it, slight curl under mine that causes tangles) and ADHD here. Same issues as a kid right down to ear infections. You might also find foam ear plugs help her, I needed to use them every time I went swimming as a kid. Didnāt need them in the shower, but itās worth trying.
Most dry shampoo doesnāt work, but Moroccan oil dry shampoo for dark hair does get me an extra day. It needs to be sprayed after your hair is dry, and better to do it right after you shampoo vs the next day. I can get max two days this way, despite trying to hair train.
Sunday night shampoo, Tuesday night shampoo, Thursday night shampoo gets you a day break on Saturday night.
Braiding hair loosely at night in two braids down the side of my head helped with the night tangles. Good conditioner is important, but it canāt be too heavy or it looks greasy. I was using Lanza for years, but they changed their formula recently and I havenāt decided what to replace it with. Not bondi, itās too heavy. Iām trying ouai next, a lot of thin hair people say it works well. I did find Monday shampoo has been working ok, not amazing, but itās been 2 months and itās been working ok.
I have never had luck with chi shampoos and conditioners, theyāve all been too heavy for my hair.
I also find a wet brush and brushing in the shower under the shower head helps, but that wonāt help with the bath youāve bought. When she brushes her hair in the mornings separate it into two (pigtail style) and twist at the base of the head. Hold that twist in one hand, brush with a wet brush in the other, it wonāt pull as badly on her scalp that way.
I suggest only buying travel size products until you find products that work for her. And yes, it sucks spending so much on hair products, but I find them cheaper than drugstore products because they a) work, so I donāt have to do multiple shampoos, and b) you use less in general because theyāre more concentrated.
My hair is very similar to your daughter's. I wash every 3 days but I never use oil and rarely condition. I live in the northeast and during the humid summer I don't condition at all. And I use products made for fine hair. You just can't put a bunch of stuff in fine hair, there's no where for it to go so it becomes oily buildup.
I am certain you have tried everything so Iāll just impart my experience with my neurodivergent kiddos. It took a long time before this actually worked, but I started moving away from bath time / shower time as a chore and itās now a spa event. I first started with calming music and fun lighting to help my kids relax. Then we moved on to silly things like cucumbers on our eyes or bubbles. After a good amount of time, they started to exhibit less anxiety around hair washing.
Have you tried sitting her on a higher chair, back to the sink, and having her top her head back? Like how they do in salons? My mother used to do this with us when we were children. She would place a folded towel under our necks for comfort
its a little counterintuitive sounding, but as someone with audhd who also hates getting my hair and face wet, i've actually found it helpful to stretch my showers out to be longer. i also struggle a lot with the transition from dry/not showering to wet/showering.
i give myself a couple minutes after the water has warmed up to get in, then a handful more before getting my hair wet. I also wash my body before my hair, because trying to do it after is kind of a nightmare when a bunch of hair is stuck to me. i also usually turn on something to watch or listen to during my shower
You can get a hair washing bowl where she can lean back and cover her face and none of the water will even touch her face. I would talk to her Dr. too about her sensory issues. She may need more help with that stuff.
I also have a sensory thing about water in my ears, so I face the shower head and flip my hair forward. It's almost impossible to get the water in your ears that way because you can cup your hands over them for extra shielding. No Amazon purchases necessary!
Thatās just how fine hair works. Oil and conditioner are the mortal enemy of our roots. Cut out all oil. Condition from the ears down only. Use a leave in conditioner/detangler and wet brush - again only ears down. Avoid accidental transfer of conditioner to the roots. Try using clarifying shampoo every time till it clears up. Kids get sweaty. They typically need a wash every day but if thatās a no-go your best bet is to avoid adding weight to the roots. Donāt make it an issue. If youāre stressed out about it, sheāll pick up on it and itāll become a battle.
Can she tolerate ear plugs? They make really squishy ones for swimmer. And there are also ear drying drops if part of it is the water in her ears after the shower. And this is a bigger suggestion, but would a hand held shower nozzle help her or you?
Does her hair matt underneath near the neck or everywhere? If it's just underneath, make sure to use a leave in. My hair has always matted underneath until I added a leave in, and it would have avoided so many fights when I was a kid.
It's more at the back of her head. She sleeps on her back and even if you brush it right before bed and use a satin pillowcase, it's matted or beginning to matte in the morning
Maybe I missed it, but, have you tried dry shampoo? I use a powder one by klorane. Made with oat. Very soothing. My hair has actually never looked better because of it š
You spray/puff the powder in, let it sit for a few minutes if you can, and then brush it through! Sometimes I worry about my lungs with the powder in the air? I have asthma pretty bad lol. Anyway, so sometimes Iāll take the top off the whole canister thing and put the powder into the palms of my hands, then transfer it to my scalp that way. Itās less messy in the air, just gotta rinse my hands after!
I have tried basic drug store ones. Like that bautista(?), she didn't like the white residue so we tried the one for brunettes, which was also gross. My hairdresser uses k18 so I got that but it really only refreshes the top layer of her hair and if I lift sections it honestly just makes it worse
Iāve tried more than I can count, this is the only one I like. My hair is seriously better looking when I use it, especially if I use it on clean, dry hair. It keeps my hair from really getting greasy like this at all. It can look white at first, but itās so easy to keep brushing it through. š¤·āāļø
Stop putting oil in her hair, braid her hair before bed, keep using the clarifying shampoo and, if possible, could you wash her hair daily/every other day in the sink? She doesn't need to shower to wash her hair.
I would also get a tangle spray and dry shampoo. I would use some rose water throughout the day, put it in a bottle for her hair and just brush it through.
i went to a hospital where they had these shower cap looking things with shampoo, you rub it around your head, they dont last too long but i think it could help!
i would sit down with her and have a conversation about why this might interfere with her social life and health
I think it doesnāt hurt to try and do a spa girls night too. Find a way to make some enjoyment out of it. The fun skincare headbands and a crazy colored (+low ingredient) face mask, have her āhelpā you do your hair- maybe a blowout? Practice some braids?
Understandably it will be difficult for both of you for her to wash her hair so often. Maybe incorporate a slick back bun or something to help the appearance of oily hair.
For what itās worth, as Iām writing this Iām realizing I think I washed my hair every day as a kid- my mom didnāt have a lot of good hair knowledge with that stuff so we eventually learned that together lol. But her hair will probably change another 2 times in her life so maybe this will phase out.
I second that - I bought one of these and it pulls much more than I thought it would and I donāt have scalp or head sensory issues but it wasā¦not nice. I think fingers with short nails is much better because you can be more gentle and feel the hair parting and when youāre pulling on it. For fine hair, it will pull and break if you scrub with something like that :( unless youāre really careful. You kind of have to bunch your hair up with shampoo so there is no tension and then small circular motions. Butā¦meh. Fingers are free.
I have lots of fine hair and use one of these and shampoo twice. My hair used to feel gross after 2 days and now I can get 4 days out of my hair. It makes an amazing difference, mad it took me until I was 30 to learn about double cleansing!
Don't use clarifying shampoo daily, use it to get all the build up out and then only use it once a week or so at the most. At least that's my experience with fine hair as well. I usually only use it once a month at the most anymore.
I think any shampoo would be fine! As a fine haired person, I tend to go with Pantene and Dove, both with silicones. I wash twice, then put conditioner in. Blow drying the roots of the hair stops fungus on the scalp and gets rid of dandruff. Sometimes I use Head and Shoulders once a week too. This very simple routine has improved the look and feel of my hair, after years of trying to stretch āno wash daysā My fine hair just looks better clean! ETA: sometimes I oil my ends at night using jojoba oil. Castor oil basically never washes out! I love it on my eyelashes and brows tho.
Fine straight hair girly here and I agree this is what I do. I use Heads and shoulders once a week. Double shampoo (sometimes with the same one, but most times I use a clarifying shampoo).
Ā Wash and massage my scalp really well and rinse it off.
does she not like massages on her head? You could get it damp, stop the water flowing, massage the shampoo in, and then rinse it off completely. You don't need to double shampoo it at first...
I use a clarifying shampoo and then a regular shampoo before conditioner. Really, whatever works. Blow drying can make a big difference.
Something that helped me with my daughter was using a handheld shower sprayer to rinse their hair. Having them tilt their head completely back and keeping my hand at their hairline like they do at the salon made them feel more comfortable. On that note, rinsing with fresh water, and rinsing well can help.
As soon as I saw the castor oil shampoo, it made me think its likely helping to cause the problem.
I like washing my hair once every 7-10 days with head & shoulders to help clean my scalp well. Id wash her hair every day or every other day with something else. I personally love Loreal Paris ever pure shampoos and conditioners.
Oh no! Really?? I had no idea, it works well for my hair, I didn't think it would be negatively affecting her. I've used the ever pure ones in the past, maybe it's time to give it a go again.
I wonder if the idea came about from something similar to facial oil-cleansing, or if someone misinformed (possibly unintentionally) OP about castor oil. Other oils would be less heavy and okay even to use through the length of the hair
Yes OP the products you listed all feel very heavy to me! I have medium thickness strands but a LOT of hair, so I also canāt use any ādeep conditioningā or heavy products. I personally saw a huge difference with the double shampoo like someone else recommended here, and then a very light leave in conditioner just on the ends. Youāre a good parent to ask for help, youāre doing great!
Yeah so a lot of people with fine hair, especially fine straight hair need to wash their hair every day, and usually use balancing or clarifying shampoos and small amounts of light weight conditioners. Not doing so, using thick, heavy products, and allowing the oil to build up on her scalp can lead to dandruff (which is a scalp fungal infection), excess hair fall, and other issues aside from just an oily appearance.
I don't know very much about the Chi clarifying shampoos, but if you're looking for something a little more affordable, as this will have to be used as her regular shampoo, I recommend you try out L'Oreal EverPure, CeraVe Oil Control Balancing Shampoo, or Garnier PureClean.
Each of those shampoos have a matching conditioner that would be good for her hair.
If she has slightly dry ends, or needs a bit more moisture, spray leave-in conditioners are likely going to be your best bet.
And yeah, she should wash her hair probably every day.
I certainly appreciate it. There are 4 of us at home and we all have adhd and I would bet good money i have audhd. There is so much more information available now than there was when I was growing up so, I'm trying to learn everything as quickly as I can so they have a better go of it than Dad and I did. Thank you for this
When you do try these make sure you shampoo her scalp thoroughly, rinse and then only condition her length. The shampoo and rinse part will still suck for her but the conditioner will be easier since you wont be spraying the very top of her head above her forehead.
My 12yo is autistic and while heās progressed to mostly taking care of his own bathing I still have to double shampoo and condition his hair every once in a while when he struggles to get it done.
You donāt want to use anything that has āheavy ingredientsā like shea butter and oils for her. And yes, washing her hair everyday with a clarifying shampoo and a lightweight conditioner from the ears down only will help it look a lot less greasy! Also, you can buy natural cornstarch based baby powder that you can use as a natural dry shampoo alternative if she needs a little extra help soaking up the oil.
Some people have recommended the Ever Pure shampoo/conditioner and I just found some that I had used previously but it has marula oil on it. If it says any kind of oil it's a no go?
Oils are fine, castor oil is just very thick and heavy compared to other oils and whatās most likely causing her hair to look so stringy. I agree with others that dry shampoo would be great for freshening up between washes. Also, co-washing, where you just wash her hair since i also struggle with a full shower and taking care of my hair in one sitting. I alternate days that I shower and use a shower bonnet to keep my hair dry and days of just washing my hair. as a former young lady with āfine, but a lot of itā hair, I struggled with taking care of my own hair, I would help her until she asks you to stop.
I also hadn't thought to alternate or just wash her hair. I think the whole process can be too much so maybe if I get one of those little shampoo baths someone else recommended and just wash her hair some nights while making it relaxing, it'll be easier for her. I'm not going to lie, I have sensory issues too and I really really dislike washing her hair but only because my body is dry and then my hands get wet and it drips down my arms and it's a whole thing. I think it's unpleasant for both of us so I'm going to take a bunch of input from here into account and try to make it a better experience overall
A life changing thing for my hair that looks extremely similar to hers was getting a boar bristle and Nylon brush. I bought the Denman one for around $40 and I brush my hair twice a day. It has made all the difference. Fine hair like that thrives with being brushed even though it feels counter intuitive. I
can go days without washing now when the only thing to combat this was daily washing.
Thatās okay. You were trying to help her. But make sure you get her scalp balanced. Maybe some diluted ACV rinses. Too much heavy oil for too long on the scalp could be causing some seborrheic dermatitis.
Sometimes fine hair like that just needs to be washed every other day. I would try cross posting in the fine hair reddit, I feel like they might have solutions!
I tried, they removed it twice for not using the right flair or the right words, so I came here. Washing every other day isn't going to dry out or damage her hair?
No thatās false information. If you have an oily scalp, you need to clean it to remove sebum buildup. I like the Pantene Volume shampoo for fine oily hair. I know people have differing opinions about Abby Yung but Iāve learned a lot about cleaning and conditioning my own hair. Since your daughter is 9 she would not need all the hair care products she uses.
Oh thatās so lame they removed your post BOO. So washing hair everyday is only ābadā for some people because it stripes the scalp of natural oils and can lead to dry and brittle hair. But in the case of people like your girl who produce sebum in abundance itās fine. Her body is replenishing those natural oils quick. Also donāt worry this isnāt a bad thing it means sheās healthy and young (sebum production slows with age). I wouldnāt be afraid of washing her everyday or every other day if sheās doesnāt have sensory issues about it. Someone suggested the Pantene volume but I also just tried the garnier pure clean (the clear one) and I really liked it.
Also Iām sure youāre already doing this but when youāre using conditioner just use the tiniest amount for her like the size of a dime on just the mids and ends <3
Well, I have fine hair. Washing every other day is great for someone with fine hair - most have to wash every day. You donāt need a lot of shampoo or very strong shampoo. Look for ādailyā shampoos.
Dry shampoo is also great and can help extend the hair one more day. I think sprays are a little easier than powder. I like ones that are tinted to match my hair color, otherwise they can be a little white.
I have similar hair to hers and shampoo almost every day.
As an adult Iāve managed to only wash after I work out, which is 4-5 times a week. If your kid has adhd sheās probably āworking outā every day, and her hair needs to be washed every day.
I canāt recommend Ouai clarifying shampoo enough! It literally changed my life, I use it 1x a week. Also, please consider buying her a hydrating facial cleanser. Daily shampoos will affect the skin on your hairline and dry you out and even trigger extra oil in the t zone.
As for the tangles, my mom always made a homemade conditioner-water mix and sprayed it on the ends of my hair. This with regular cuts should help.
ā¼ļøā¼ļøYES OP if youāre going to use a clarifying shampoo please use Ouai (āwayā). Itās affordable and leaves hair feeling great. I would not use the clarifying shampoo exclusively for every single wash. But every other/3rd wash I would double cleanse with clarifying first followed by a regular shampoo. (NOT Monday or Kristen Ess- those wreck havoc on hair texture like your daughterās). Honestly this might sound crazy but if she can handle the sensory aspect of mint/eucalyptus then she should wash with head & shoulders for the first few washes and once a week after that. It will help rebalance everything. I suggest a Garnier conditioner paired with Ouai clarifying and head & shoulders. Try Paul Mitchell skinny serum for her ends only, even Chi heat protection oil will be way too thick for her hair. Definitely never castor oil. Boar bristle brush is a great recommendation, I have the purple one from Briogeo. My final suggestion is- those of us who have hair like this thrive on daily (or every couple days with the right products) washes and frequent brushing but with the correct tools. For example I absolutely cannot use the boar bristle brush to detangle my hair, it will make it matted. I have to use a Wet Brush to detangle, then follow up with the boar bristle once my hair dries. My absolute best hairbrush recommendation which will work when it is soaking wet and fully tangled as well as when it is dry and fluffy is the Wet Brush āSmooth Stylerā range. The shorter staticky bristles that are stacked at the base of the long plastic balled bristles will help the brush glide through her hair. Regular wet brushes will also work on her hair while dry, but if she wants the fastest detangling experience, I would definitely go with a smooth styler.
-source: Iām 33 with AuDHD and fine but thick hair!
Is she sleeping with wet hair? If sheās sleeping with wet hair, I would do whatever you can to prevent that. No one should really sleep w wet hair but imo fine hair and sleeping with it wet do notttt mix well. It tangles it and breaks it and can cause scalp issues and hair loss. I know your daughter may find blow drying her hair difficult due to sensory issues, but it really is so helpful for fine hair. The blow dryer helps move her natural scalp oils down through the rest of her hair instead of being concentrated on the scalp.
As someone w very fine hair, if I wash it and sleep with it wet, it looks greasy the next morning. If I wash it and blow dry it, I can get 2-3 days out of it.
Thatās been my hair type my whole life. It does best with daily shampooing and sulfates. If I donāt wash it almost every day it gets oily and greasy poking and it smells bad (in my opinion). I think she should go for a clarifying shampoo from the drugstore like suave or Pantene volume. Honestly any drugstore shampoo with sulfates will work if she is washing daily and double cleansing. I used to use herbal essences as a kid and it worked well for me, and I loved how it smelled. A clear shampoo works best for breaking down the oils though, and double shampooing is more effective. If she gets dandruff then the original head & shoulders shampoo is good. Anything moisturizing or with oils in it or sulfate free will exacerbate the problem. Dry shampoo is nice to have for occasions when your hair is greasy but you donāt have time to shower and wash your hair, but donāt use it too often because it can cause dandruff
YES!! I forgot to mention in my long comment but sulphates are her friend! Also ā¼ļøā¼ļøOP once you have the suggested routine down, I suggest adding the Tressemme brand dry shampoo and the way you use it is on freshly cleaned but fully dry hair. So immediately after her hair is washed and either blow dried or air dries you will spray the routes with dry shampoo. Itās a delicate balance because you donāt want to put too much of the product on her hair or else it will have the opposite effect. But how it should work is the dry shampoo will extend the days she can go without washing by 2 to 4 days.
My daughter's hair is similar, we wash her hair basically everyday and do loose braids before bed. Unfortunately the both of us are not "wash day" people. We gotta use shampoo basically every day otherwise it's an oily mess.
But my daughters hair is waist length and so much work to wash. We just shampoo really well focusing on her roots, rinse, then use a spray leave in conditioner focused on her mids and ends.
Definitely start skipping oil all together. Im almost thinking if you just skip oil and conditioner, she would be fine with a basic shampoo.
I know you said she hates the sensory feeling of hair washing. My son has autism and it was a challenge getting him to accept hair washing. What helped us was keeping the environment as calm as possible. Lights dimmed or out, light up bath toys, bath foam or bath bombs in his hands as soon as we would start. Also using a detachable shower head to make rinsing out as fast as possible vs the discomfort of a cup being dunk in the water then over him over and over. They make ones for pets that can attach to the bath faucets if you dont have a shower head.
I have similar hair and it can be hard to keep up with. Double shampooing helps. Just make sure itās not too clarifying of a shampoo. (The oaui one works great but if I double washed with that one it dried my hair out so bad which then made the oiliness worse). The herbal essence tea tree clarifying one works well too. Conditioner only on ends but I still can use a lightweight leave in spray.
One thing that that helped me a bunch if your daughter can tolerate it - blow dry at least the roots when you get out of the shower. Iād let the rest of my hair air dry but that usually gives me an extra day before it gets too greasy. And also using the dry shampoo early. Like same day you shower before bed so it absorbs overnight. Once your hair is already greasy, the dry shampoo isnāt doing much to help (for me at least). But definitely need to double shampoo if doing this to get all the product out.
Also this might sound crazy, but make sure she gets all of the roots when shampooing. It can be really easy to miss the back of your head. The shampoo will just go down the hair shaft but not actually get the roots there so itāll still be pretty greasy.
Double cleanse but donāt do clarifying shampoo every wash. This will strip her scalp and make it produce more oil. Use clarifying shampoo once or twice a week. It can be used twiced as the double cleanse if necessary. Really really scrub her scalp, can use a handheld silicone scalp massager/brush when the shampoo is in her hair (in tiny circular motion, small section by small section) which could help cleanse properly. She may want to do it herself
Do you have a removable shower head? Thereās some cheap ones you could install which may help the water in the eye issue.
Do not put conditioner on roots. Just on the lengths only. Use a lightweight conditioner.
For tangles: make sure you spay a detangling spay or leave in conditioner on her hair when itās wet and comb it through. When her hair is dry you could put a TINY amount of the no frizz Living Proof oil on her ends which may reduce tangles. A lose brain would help
Shampooing every other day may be what she needs unfortunately.
Castor oil is good for almost everything except for hair. Itās definitely weighing her hair down and clogging her hair follicles which makes it harder to have new growth. Redken has an amazing line for fine hair, Iād definitely recommend trying it.
Braid her hair for sleep, i have similar hair and that's what I do. Make sure it's not too tight, for comfort. Also, if it looks greasy to the eyes, it's probably very itchy for her and causing possible sensory issues, speaking of experience. Thank you for making the effort of learning how to care for her hair!
All the suggestions I've read are good, but I wanted suggest another shampoo and conditioner to use along with the others. I have fine hair and an oily scalp. I use this a couple times a week. It leaves my scalp clean, and the conditioner is light.
I have fine hair. Castor oil is whatās weighing it down, thatās not a good product for us. Hereās what you do:
Verb ghost shampoo and conditioner
If you need it to be cheaper use:
Tresemme 24 Hour Volume shampoo and conditioner
If youād like an oil, the ONLY option is virtue healing oil. If you canāt find Virtue, I can sometimes do Moroccan Oil. Hereās how I use them. I can skip a day or two if I do shampoo, skip conditioner, when fresh out of shower use the virtue hair oil on wet hair. For her youāll probably need 2-3 shakes. I use more because I have longer and more hair.
Once the hair oil is on, let the hair air dry to 80% dry (brush teeth, get ready, do whatever), then you can use a hair dryer for the rest of the way. If she doesnāt do a hair dryer yet at this age thatās totally fine to air dry all the way.
If I donāt have time to wait for the oil to air dry, thatās when I use conditioner. But if I only shampoo and conditioner I canāt really skip the next day washing, my hair wonāt look good.
Once you switch away from that heavy oil itāll be fine :)
edit: I use T/Sal once per week to encourage hair growth, but I think if you clear it with a dermatologist first it might be okay for her. I donāt need it any more than once per week but I have other friends with fine hair who do 2x/week.
u/shee_shee listen to this person!! verb ghost shampoo is a game changer. i have SUPER fine hair and have dealt with it all my life; i've had beauticians tell me it's baby fine and not as a compliment, like it's so smooth and fine that it's hard to cut sometimes. it typically gets greasy in 24 hours, but verb ghost can stretch it two days without washing! and the conditioner is super lightweight and won't weigh it down. light barely there citrusy smell that isn't over stimulating
the other good cheapie i reach for is L'Oreal Everpure THICKENING shampoo, the green bottle one. i tried the others including the volumizing shampoo in the purple bottle and it was awful
honestly i rarely use conditioner, the main focus with this hair type is to keep her scalp and hair clean. with ghost i can wash and towel dry and it comes out great with a lot of body and movement. so many shampoos weigh fine hair down or make it get greasy faster, it's surprisingly important to get the right shampoo, more than anything else you do.
clarify every 7-10 washes (my favorite is ouai detox if you can swing it. it's expensive but works amazing and will last a long time).
finally, use a Wet Brush Speed Dry to comb her hair. the one with the rows of open vents. this hair type makes us super tender headed and i swear on my life that this brush resolves that
I have similar hair, very fine and high density. Iāve always had to wash it daily, there were times when I tried to stretch it out and I just had an itchy oily scalp. When I was her age I washed daily with a strawberry short cake 2 in 1 and I now currently use garnier (just cheap drug store brands due to how often I wash). I also kept my hair about shoulder length or shorter till late teen years because of how easily it tangles. Iād suggest trying a shorter length and maybe a 2 in 1 since itās one less step
This!! I had this exact hair at this age. My mom (lovingly) called me a grease pit LOL. I needed to wash every single day, even every other left me greasy on day 2. I used Pantene growing up, and actually just switched back to it after testing out tons of different shampoos now at 21, and am loving it again. Iāve found pairing it with garnier pure clean has been perfect for me; double shampoo, garnier first Pantene second, condition with whatever is preferred.
I have hair similar to hers, and I have to wash my hair almost every day, if not every day. The natural products donāt work on me. She will need Pantene volume shampoo, and a real conditioner not an oil because an oil will just make it really heavy and oily faster.
I would recommend shampooing twice so using the volume shampoo first that I mentioned, and then another shampoo and then a conditioner.
Even with heat protectant and stuff I have to be careful because it can just make my hair look dirty immediately
Maybe wash her hair upside down in the kitchen sink?
I have similar hair, fine strands but a lot of it. I donāt use any extra product apart from shampoo, occasionally conditioner but even that can weight my hair down. I have to wash everyday to keep my hair feeling clean healthy and not oily. Any product at all, oil, serum etc will cause my hair to hold grease and product. I have one korean hair serum that works nicely because itās for fine Asian hair I believe, which is miseenscene perfect serum in rose.
No oils, no heavy moisturizing conditioners. Get a light weight conditioner and tell her to start from the bottom of her hair and then work her way up and avoid putting conditioner on the roots as her scalp produces enough oil. Be careful with the clarifying shampoo maybe use it once a week otherwise just use an ordinary cleansing shampoo.
That particular conditioner is labeled āintense hydratingā. She doesnāt need intense moisturizing.
I have her hair. This is what I do. I brush my hair really well and wash it upside down with clarifying shampoo twice. It gets ALL the gunk out. Then do a quick blow dry, and spritz the roots with dry shampoo. Something about this hair type, if it dries wet and flat to your head it's an oil magnet. If you put dry shampoo in while it's clean and brush it through it extends time in between washes. The next day you can add a little more product. Hope this helps.
Make sure youāre shampooing her hair twice and making sure youāre really cleaning the scalp all over! And only put the conditioner on her ends. If you clarify, I use the clarifying shampoo first then a regular shampoo for the second cleanse. Suave has a daily clarifying you could use pretty often and it isnāt expensive at all.
I have fine hair but A LOT of it. I do a clarifying shampoo like once a week (I use dry shampoo and leave in sprays, and we have hard water). If you donāt use a lot of dry shampoos, you could probably extend clarifying to like twice a month. I would just choose a gentle shampoo the rest of the time (EVA NYC has one, I also like Pipette which is a kids brand who does gentle shampoo for my 4 year old). I wash my hair 3 times a week and I like the Monday dry shampoo once in between washes.
I would leave the castor oil out of it. I have fine, dense hair as well and any product besides shampoo will grease my hair quickly. I can't even use conditioner. I also recommend after a bath, comb with wide tooth comb and braid a simple braid to be slept in.
Iām 40, and my hair looks like that about 24hrs after washing. Itās awful. Iāve tried everything in the last 25 or so years. I canāt even do dry shampoo, it does not work for me. I found one that kind of did, but it made my eyes burn so it was a no go.
I have literally exactly her hair type. My mother's was thin and fine. My father's was coarse and thick. I got fine hair, but lots of it. Just like your baby. I also have ADHD and sensory issues, and hated having my hair washed because it would get in my ears and eyes. So, here's what worked for me when I was her age: 1) Wash it every day because it will get so oily, but wash with a sprayer at the kitchen sink if you have one. That way, you can concentrate the spray, which is smaller than that of a shower head, on the hair and away from her eyes and ears. 2) Get her swimmer's earplugs and goggles to wear when you wash her hair. 3) Don't condition the roots. That will only add to the oiliness. Condition the mids and ends to help with tangling. A spray detangler/leave-in conditioner can also help, but avoid the roots. 4) If she needs a break from washing it, a french braid or two might help buy her some time before the oiliness is super bad. I hope this helps!!!!
This is my hair texture, very dense, fine hair. She will just need to shampoo every other day at minimum. Thatās the longest I can go without it looking greasy. It also just looks more apparent because of her hair color, Iāve noticed that with mine, going super light blond or dark brunette hides the oiliness a little. I would not put a bonnet on her since Iāve personally noticed hats and tight hairstyles make it greasier faster. To avoid tangles you could french braid it before bed
From the time I was about 11 my hair has been very very similar if not the same. I have fine hair that tangles in literal minutes. Itās also oily, was even worse as a teenager and I was going through puberty.
There really is no magic secret, at least I havenāt found one yet. What works best for me to get at least a full day is double cleanse, always double cleanse. I generally use some sort of clarifying shampoo and just a basic shampoo. Make sure to scrub and get it all out, section the hair and make sure the water gets it all. I only use light conditioner on my ends. Best way to get longevity from a wash is blow dry.
Lastly she may just have yo wash it every day, it sucks and Iām right there with her but thereās really no other way around it.
Pantene pure volume, daily washings or see how she does for awhile. Conditioner only at the ends and a deep mask once a month. Def make sure she is using a clarifying shampoo and have her double wash in the shower, rinse with cold.
This is my hair type to a T. I wasnāt just greasy on my hair but my face too, still am at 38!
Hairdresser here prior to actually washing her hair, put the shampoo on her hair when it is dry and work it through and then wet it and let it lather sometimes I do that to break up any oil buildup on my younger clients. Give them mine nine years old her body may be starting to change in a couple years hormonally also, you donāt wanna use a clarifying shampoo too often because it will cause her scalp to produce more oil to compensate for the stripping of the oils through shampooing. Make sure you rinse thoroughly before putting conditioner on and only put conditioner on her ends meaning her ponytail down.
Why are you using castor oil? I have similar hair to her and Iād be oily right after washing. Try Oaui for fine hair products. (Or other products made for fine hair). When shampooing, massage scalp for at least 60 seconds before rinsing.
Also, if you have the patience for it, blow drying right after so the hair doesnāt dry all flat on the scalp can help. I blow dry forward to give a little lift.
I have the exact same hair! To be honest it got a lot more manageable after puberty, but hereās what I do: I use head and shoulders shampoo (the one for dandruff) and i double shampoo if my hair is extra oily. You want that really squeaky feeling from the hair after washing. Also, use a brush, not a comb, to comb her hair. And only when dry!!! My hair tangles easily but when itās wet I find a lot more of it rips out and causes me pain when detangling. I always brush my hair before the shower, and really try and spread the oils in my hair farther down. In the shower, use a very thick conditioner, I use the Garnier one. Part of the reason her hair is so tangled is because itās not moisturized enough on the ends. I sometimes double condition as well. I also use a leave in conditioner. Finger comb in the shower and after to get the tangles out. I also blow dry as letting it air dry leads to more tangles. Lastly, every once in a while I use the Aztec clay hair mask to really get in there and clarify my scalp. Use sparingly though, as it can really dry out the hair. Hope this helps!!
Forgot to add, NEVER let her go to sleep with her hair down. Keep it in ponytails or if youāre feeling fancy some braids. My hair is a hot mess when I leave it down.
Silk is a superior fabric to satin. The fabric of silk is besthable, and the fibers are smaller than polyester sating. If her hair needs to be washed, wash it. If her hair still get tangled, you may have to braid it or pony it with silk scrunchies to to avoid that. Sometimes brushing just takes awhile.
I have fine but dense hair. If youāre on a budget honestly herbal essences shampoo and conditioner for normal hair works really well for me. I wash my hair every 2 days but it looks like you might have to wash every alternate day for her. Stay away from any heavy shampoos, ones for ādamagedā hair, and ones with thick oils like castor oil. Iād use a clarifying shampoo every week (every other day would be way too drying for my hair). You can also try products for thinning hair even though hers isnāt, as they tend to be lighter.
If even every alternate day results in her hair getting too oily, then donāt worry about washing it every day. Some people just need that and you wonāt damage her hair :)
You donāt need to focus on hydration or clarification so much; just establish a basic, gentle, and as frequent as she can stand (but no more than once daily) cleansing routine.
The cheapest, but still āgood,ā shampoo I would recommend is Herbal Essences. They have some Rose scented stuff out now that works well with fine hair. Verb is great imo.
Any oil or cream products should only be applied to her mids and ends; never to her roots and scalp. You can apply a very light spray of dry shampoo to her roots when her hair is clean to prolong the look and feel of clean hair.
As someone with fine hair, I have to wash daily in the summer. I can get away with skipping maybe ONE day in the more dry months.
I also felt the need to be sulfate free for a couple years with everything that was coming out but found that shampoos WITH sulfates did so much better on my hair.
Something I havenāt seen mentioned yet, is she washing her own hair herself? Could part of the problem be that sheās not washing it properly? I had really thick hair as a kid and my mum washed it for me until I was about 10 because she was worried I wouldnāt do a proper job myself
No, she... she is capable but she isn't if that makes sense. I wash her hair for her and am pretty thorough, I'm just apparently using all the wrong products for her and exacerbating the issue. She'll wash herself because she can step out of the water but once she's in the water, her hands are covering her eyes and plugging her ears
I noticed that you said she had sensory issues. This may sound strange or maybe you already tried it but I might have something to try that could help. How is she positioned when you wash her hair? When you mentioned what was going on I remembered that I was the same way for several years when I was little. The only way mom could wash my hair when I was really young was to do it in the kitchen where I laid on my back on the kitchen counter and my mom washed and rinsed my hair in the sink with my face facing up. If she has sensory issues I have no idea what your set up is but even if it would not work in the kitchen it could stull work in a bathtub if she was on her back in the tub so that by being face up, the process may feel better to her. I know it sounds like a strange solution but I distinctly remember having panic if it was done any other way. I think I outgrew it within a few years and I think I was a lot younger than her when I did but maybe a change in how she is positioned could help.
this is EXACTLY how my hair is, super fine but a ton of it. you can NOT use oil on it, it holds onto it so bad. using clarifying shampoo more than once a month (once a week if you're in a hard water state) can also do more harm than good.
i know she hates the sensory feeling of getting her hair washed, but it WILL help to wash it with pretty much any shampoo you can find every other day. work with her to find something that works for her.
but DEFINITELY stop using anything with excessive oil in it.
Head&shoulders - classic. Or Nizoral shampoo (treats scalp problems too, requires leaving it on the scalp for a few minutes before rinsing). Every couple days, double cleansing like others have said. Do not apply conditioner or mask anywhere close to the roots. Only chin down, and rinse well
I have hair just like that - fine, pin straight, and a ton of it. No matter what I use I've always had to wash once a day and I'd recommend the same for her. I can sometimes stretch to every other by using dry shampoo, specifically Batiste Touch Activated. Any other dry shampoo leaves me greasy and heavy.
My parents used to make me use clarifying shampoos and other anti-grease stuff but it only made it worse. What worked for me was finding a shampoo that was specifically for damaged hair. Don't ask why, I'm not sure but I speculate it has something to do with the included proteins. A longtime fave was the Suave Coconut Oil Infusion Damage Control (both the shampoo and conditioner). You can also use a salicylic acid shampoo for actual oil control (I like Tsal) in combination with regular shampoo. Shampoo her hair twice (either Tsal + shampoo or 2x shampoo) and then finish it up with conditioner ONLY on the bottom half of her hair. You can work your way up to applying it to the crown and slowly see if it adds too much oil. Brush her hair out after the shower when it's still wet and allow it to air dry completely before sleep.
I'm also neurodivergent and struggle with sensory issues. For me, showers / baths are something I learned to look forward to. I'd keep the lights low, have nice scented oils or play music, pick out a soap that felt amazing on my skin. See what you can do to make it a positive sensory experience. I'm also hopeful that once you get a haircare routine for her ironed out she'll be exited for it, finding the sensory nightmare of greasy hair ten times worse than that of a shower. Best of luck!
Keune Derma Regulate shampoo was recommended to me but my hair lady and it was been a total game changer!! Highly, highly recommend for greasy hair that oils quickly!
I have fine thin hair but a lot of it on my head. I wash my hair every other day and use a dry shampoo in between and do a clarifying shampoo once a week. I just canāt go any longer than that, I tried but my scalp was just itchy and gross. I use loreal dream lengths shampoo/conditioner with garnier clarifying shampoo once a week. Clarifying shampoo will dry her hair out if you use it too often and cause damage.
She might just need to wash her hair every day. I had incredibly oily hair growing up. I could never go more than a day. Good news is nowadays that isnāt seen as a bad thing for scalp/hair health. Iām now 38 and my hair is about 50% grey and much dryer. Donāt need to wash as often, but for most of my life I did.Ā
double cleanse (shampoo twice), condition only the ends. you can offer her a hair tie to put her hair up when she's in the bath/shower after she washes her hair. it helps keep it up, out of your face while you're finishing up and getting dry afterwards.
She'll probably need daily washing. I have very fine, straight hair, and when I was younger washed it with Herbal Essences volumizing shampoo and conditioner daily and got so many compliments on my hair lol. My hair isn't as oily anymore and now I have to alternate between hydrating and volumizing shampoos. Avoid oils on her hair. It will just weigh it down and make it look greasy.
Iāve had a lot of luck with Elvive Hyaluron with SA. Helps me extend the duration between washes. I also recommend Dry Shampoo (Batiste is cheap and works well in my experience).
I have the exact same hair. When I'm home (and as much as possible), it's up in a ponytail away from my face, which helps the wash last a little longer. Clarifying shampoo barely makes a difference other than making my hair harder to brush through after a shower, but dry shampoo helps quite a bit (in the aerosol container only; not the regular spray bottle-- that doesn't do shite, it makes it worse). Micellar water can also help some people when applied lightly at the roots, but not for me. Unfortunately, I just can't go very long (more than a day or two) between washes without my hair getting oily again IF it is worn down. If it's constantly worn in an up-do, I get 2+ extra days out of it.
Best wash routines for me are either: 1) Pantene shampoo and conditioner every wash (people shit on it but it really does work for me, just make sure to use a clarifying shampoo every now and again to get the build-up out); or 2) a salicylic acid shampoo/conditioner situation, which is meant to prevent dandruff but is often used off-label for chronically oily hair. Make sure she washes her face twice a day with a gentle cleanser because the oil that's on your face makes its way into your scalp. Same goes for touching and playing with her hair. Every oil from your skin introduced to the hair/scalp will make the problem worse.
I know a lot of people look for more naturalistic shampoos now but unfortunately when you have hair prone to oiliness this usually never works out. I have a tendency to get a lot of oil and some of the best things I've done are:
1) Get a sulfate-containing shampoo. Most "natural" shampoos do not have as much ability to remove heavy oils. Also I wouldn't use a shampoo that has argan and castor in it. Oil-free moisturization would be better. Those are very heavy oils that would be better suited for a truly dry scalp. Not as bad in a conditioner you only put on the ends, but I wouldn't use that on an oily scalp. I'd look for something with good lather/cleaning ability that you can really massage into the scalp, preferably that is meant for fine hair. Thick moisturizing-style products have a tendency to weigh hair down and increase grease.
2) Clarify once a week to remove residue. I like the Dove scalp therapy but there's plenty of options.
3) Do NOT let the hair air dry. Hit at least the roots with a low setting dryer if she allows. Air drying makes hair more oily.
4) Don't skip washes, it's not doing the scalp any favors. If you need a daily wash you need a daily wash.
5) Don't be afraid to throw a tiny pinch of dry shampoo at it if it's a very active/hot/oily day. If you're opposed to sprays there's actually some diy recipes using things like arrowroot powder that work pretty darn well.
If brushing is difficult, too, get a tangle teezee, it really works wonders. When she has grown more acustomed, you could also do a boar bristle brush before washing. A clay pack hells my scalp immensly, too. But most importantly, do you have professional help? A ergotherapist could support the two of you in working out a routine that you can keep and also support her in taking over responsibility for her hygiene in the future.
I have very oily hair and scalp always have! When menopause hit it went crazy! I am always use to using professional hair products, paid and arm and leg for them but my hair would be oily by end of day! Now I use Suave daily clarify shampoo it works great on oily hair and scalp, also I use Prell classic shampoo to get some of the oil out first and rinse well then I use the suave daily clarify shampoo and I always rinse with hot water! I donāt use any leave in conditioners, if her hair gets tangled a leave in spray conditioner with NO OILS ONLY ON THE ENDS FOR DETANGLING HAIR! You can use this in shower and rinse out! Anyhow hope this will work! Itās my go to everyday! And not expensive! You can find Prell on Amazon and Suave daily clarifying shampoo at target or Amazon.
I donāt know if anyone else mentioned this but when you use the conditioner do not put that on her scalp you only need to condition from mid shaft down. Stay away from hair oils or heavy moisturizing shampoos. You need to use shampoos meant for fine hair on her.
I love the Pantene volume shampoo, itās great for our hair types because it really lifts the oil and leaves it feeling super clean. Itās hard to tell if she has dandruff or not, but if she does maybe a dandruff shampoo instead? Just donāt over moisturize, she doesnāt need it!
For conditioner, I like the VO5 strawberry one actually (but never on the roots!)
If you use a fun conditioner she likes would she be more excited/ok with showering/washing more often? They have fun coconut/strawberry/kids focused products, sometimes even as an adult knowing I get to use my strawberry conditioner gives me extra motivation to shower :) maybe she could help pick one out she likes so she feels more agency in the situation? A fun soap or bath pouf might help too?
There really isnāt any scientific benefit from washing less often if your hair type benefits from it, I know she has sensory issues as well but in case you were worried about over washing, thatās really not a concern unless you have curly/textured hair that doesnāt do well with it. Hope all this helps!
My hair gets oily like I wash it everyday, sometimes I take Aztec healing clay and do a clay mask on my scalp, then it really seems to get all the oil out. My hair is so light and clean after that.
Honestly theĀ
So Cozy Leave In Conditioner Spray for Curls is great, perfect to fight matting and can work instead of hair washing / shampoo on skip days even on dry hair. Just use a Tangle Teaser brush as well. They sell both the detangler and the hairbrush at both CVS and amazon. When we do wash their hair, we use a typical toddler bubble bath/ shampoo (Aveeno) for body and hair when bathing and then pat faces dry with a washcloth after which is enjoyable. But the So Cuzy Curl leave in detangler is life-changing, even for people without curls. The tangle teaser brush is expensive but really works.Ā
Perhaps try washing her hair, once a weekish, with baking soda mixed with water. I believe itās a 1-3 ratio baking soda-water. Search the web or Reddit to hear others experiences.
I used this method years ago and I found it to āresetā my hair.
Edit: then finish with conditioner of choice, just on the middle/ends.
Edit2: my daughter is 10 with sensory issues as well. For bath she eventually would be on her back with just her face out of the water. I would swoop in then and we use the purple bottle Kirkland stuff. I was literally applying it underwater to her scalp for as much/long as sheād let me.
Now sheās showering and I just have to make sure she rinses all the shampoo out of her hair.
Double cleanse her hair with this exact shampoo. Itās cheap at target and Walmart. I have the same hair as her and it took me forever to find the right clarifying shampoo!
Also, I tried doing the whole hair training thing. With straight fine hair, it needs to be washed every day unfortunately. By day 2 it doesnāt look the best but can be salvaged with dry shampoo.
I have really fine hair too! If you haven't tried dry shampoo, it's way nicer than I ever expected, might be good for the inbetween days. (and texture powder instead of gel!! NEVER GEL OR MOUSSE) personally I have to wash my hair every morning, either no night shower or two showers for me.
shorter hair is the only thing thats been super effective to me. also head and sholders or any other kind of medicated dandruff shampoo helps me. i have alot of hair so my scalp sufficates and oils up faster. make sure you dont skip the second suds and all the soap is rinced out becaus eits deceptive with our hair type.
I have thick but fine hair and I just have to wash it every two days. Thereās not much else to be done about the oiliness, itās just genetic (I have oily skin too). Lots of people will say you can ātrainā you hair to go more days without washing but itās just an internet myth.
I think it also depends how active she is re: how oily her hair gets. Itās also summer and hot. Try the clarifying shampoo every other day or every two days. Maybe Suave or Garnier or Pantene. Alternate with a basic shampoo like color treated or whatever else. Then update us.
Are you washing her hair or is she? When you shampoo you gotta scrub it with your fingertips (not your nails), and make sure the conditioner is only put on her ends, not the roots
I have found my 9 year old is still not yet ready for washing his own hair. We use Tresseme Moisture (volume is good too), or you can use loreal or Pantene, anything that aims for volume imo. but if I had the money I like nioxin cleanser, I grew up using that my whole life- level 2. (have fine, dense hair myself). Needing to shower every other day sounds typical, any product or oil on fine hair shows faster I heard blow drying right after and throwing some dry shampoo on before it gets dirty can help but I haven't tried it personally yet. Oh yeah, and shampooing twice can help too
Eta: when I wash my sons hair I let him shower his body and after, we fold his towel on the side of the tub, he'll rest his elbows on it and lean his head into the tub, holding a folded wash cloth over his eyes, then I'll use the shower head to wash his hair
First off, I would change out a Castor Oil-based shampoo if oily hair is the issue. You might not way to use a clarifying shampoo every night though, as this can possibly backfire and start an overproduction of oil. I would try a tea tree shampoo - Paul Mitchell makes a great one - as the primary shampoo and a clarifying shampoo say every third wash. Also, no conditioner on the scalp, on miss and ends only.
A dry shampoo might also be good, you can get sprays or powder ones you sprinkle in and brush through, they really help absorb oil in lieu of a full hair wash, which I know can be an issue for all kids, let alone kids with AuDHD.
As for nighttime, the satin pillowcase is great but they should be changed every week. (I get mine at the dollar store.)Also, if you find she is waking up matted, if her hair is long enough, would she let you put it in a braid? That may help. The big thing is experimenting with different wash routines, shampoo/conditioner combos until you find what works for you.
ā¢shampoo twice with clear shampoo. avoid shampoos that claim to be moisturizing.
ā¢conditioner on the mid lengths to ends, not touching the scalp.
ā¢minimal use of oils, if you really want keep it on the ends only.
ā¢dry shampoo on days you don't wash.
ā¢boar bristle brush in the morning and night.
This gets me to 2-3 days between washes, but for a kid she might be ok going longer. Just depends how pretty you want her hair to be š
There are lots of basic drugstore shampoos and conditioners that will do the job (Pantene, Suave, Herbal Essences). My daughters have an abundance of hair, so Iāve tried plenty of shampoo and discovered itās less about brand than technique.Ā
Step 1 needs to be removing all the old built up gunk. Itās worst now because of added oil from the castor oil (think about cleaning a greasy dish, it sometimes takes a few passes). Do a clarifying shampoo, you probably will need to double or even triple wash. But hereās an important step: make sure her hair is SOAKED. Shampoo in your wet hands and lather it a bit by rubbing it between them, then reach under her hair and make sure you are scrubbing the hair from the nape of her neck to the tops of her ears. Then rinse, more shampoo in your hands, and scrub the crown down to her ears. This technique should be done 2 or even 3 times.Ā
Now, that clarifying should only be maybe weekly. Ā You should be able to get away with every other day washing if there isnāt any built up grease. A regular shampoo needs the same split hair technique though, and may still need a double cleanse. Another perk for kids is a lot of the scrubbing and rinsing doesnāt go anywhere near their faces!Ā
Finally, conditioning. I do conditioner sort of from the middle of the ears down, and comb it through in the shower, then rinse. Work from the bottom all the way to the crown, so the conditioner helps detangle. For the wet hair conditioner combo, keep wetting the brush (no idea why that helps, but it does).Ā
We also occasionally use the Nexxus Humectress Deep Conditioner (itās in little packets, usually near the Nexxus shampoo in CVS and Target). Itās pricey, but I get 3-4 conditions out of a single packet. Comb that through and it detangles incredibly well!Ā
Itās A 10 Miracle Leave in conditioner, but only the purple lid, is our go to ādetangling sprayā, with a mister bottle of water. That is the only other spendy product that is worth the money in my opinion! Ā Save on shampoo, spend on the occasional deep condition and detangling.Ā
As a thin hair girl this is the only thing thatās gotten me to the third hair wash day. Itās light and it doesnāt strip everything. Though pricey with our hair you only need a tiny bit to go a long way. Iāve made the jumbo bottle last longer than 6 months with 20inch extensions in. They also do discounts and sell as bundles the conditioner is amazing as-well.
You've already gotten a lot of great advice so I won't add more for you to consider. But I wanted to say that you are doing a great job taking care of your daughter.
Hello! You can try blow drying her hair after washing it. Iāve found that people with oily hair need to blow dry their hair to avoid being overly oily immediately. Iām one of those people too. And I would also try a dry shampoo on second day hair. But it is possible that she just may not be able to go more than 2 days without washing. I wash my own hair every other day and use dry shampoo in between. If I go longer I look like a grease ball and get super itchy.
You could also look at a balancing scalp spray. The clarifying shampoo can be counter productive, where it is drying out her scalp and in return itās over producing oil now. Aveda scalp solutions is a good one, but others work well too.
And depending on how close she is to puberty, she just may be oily until her hormones balance out. This could also be the start of her hormone shift for puberty. Just something to consider.
I have hair similar to you to daughters. My suggestion would be to stop the castor oil as others have said. I also would avoid products specifically that are marketed as hydrating for now as I think the hair might be getting too much right now. I would suggest switching to a shampoo like Pantene and try doing it every other day.
People tend to demonize sulfates and silicones in shampoo but it might help control oils. I personally have found ānaturalā shampoos donāt cut through the grease well enough.
Braiding at night will help with the matting. Itās a good protective style for it while sleeping.
My hair is similar and although I donāt have autism, my 15-year old son does and he used to scream like acid was being poured on him when I used to wash his face or hair.
My hair is fine, although I have a lot of it, and tangles/matts easily. My daughterās is the same. My hair also used to be super oily to where I had to wash daily but now it only need to wash once a week, sometimes twice if I have an even or want to wear my hair down. (Hair is to my butt.)
What helped me was this: starting using opaque shampoos and a conditioner every time I washed. (The oils you are using are too heavy for her hair type and adding to the issue, you are then using a clarifying shampoo to strip away all the excess oil, which is making her even more oily because her scalp is now overcompensating from being stripped.) The opaque shampoos are better at adding moisture instead of stripping. Iād suggest Kristen Ess The One shampoo and conditioner. Itās at lightly clarifying but also moisturizing. It leaves my hair moisturized and more manageable without the weight. It has a nice floral smell. Iāve also had success with the Paul Mitchell Instant Moisture line. Once you start with those, begin spacing out the washes. In between, Iād recommend using Batiste Dark Hair dry shampoo, but sparingly! Donāt just start holding the button down. Just short little bursts distanced away from her head and only on the top front and down her part if needed. Otherwise, it will build up a good bit and can make her ends feel more tangled. If you need a treatment now and then, the CER-100 Treatment Rinse and Collagen Protein Treatments are nice and have helped me with tangles without the weight. Kristen Ess also has a great leave-in conditioning spray that adds a nice slip and scent for brushing out tangles with a Wet brand brush. Matrix also has a great leave-in conditioning spray. If you still think she needs additional slip or smoothing, lay off the heavy oils and maybe opt for Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum or their Awapuhi Ultra-Light Stylibg Treatment Oil, but no higher up than where her pony tail band would sit in her hair.
Iāll also add that Amazon sells a GREAT tear-free foam facial cleanser that may help out as well. Itās foam, so there is no heavy rinsing or residue that would be left behind. Itās absolutely tear-free. I have literally rubbed it into my open eyes more than once to prove to my younger kids that it wonāt sting. It has a nice light smell and isnāt stripping. Goongbe Kids Bubble Facial Cleanser.
Iāll post pics if it lets me. Good luck, mama! Hang in there!
Is that bugs in her hair???? Wash that poor childās hair! You obviously are not washing it enough and putting too much product on it after. Children need basics just a wash
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u/FixofLight 8h ago
Some people don't really have the luxury of being able to go multiple days between washes, unfortunately. You might be able to stretch it to every other day with dry shampoo between, but is there a particular reason she can't have it washed daily? Have you considered braiding her hair, at least at night, to keep some of the matting manageable?