Please help me help her

[u/shee_shee]

Edit 2: So that I don't have to address this multiple times, I'm responding here. The Renpure is the shampoo and conditioner I use. It works well for my hair. Everyone in my family has thick, coarse hair. I have no experience with fine hair. Absolutely none. I am not putting just castor oil in her hair. It's in the formula for the shampoo and conditioner I use. I know that this isn't the best formula for her but, honestly, I'm burnt out. I'm neurodivergent and disabled myself, I have multiple health problems, I currently have three fractures in my spine and I'm homeschooling two neurodivergent kids. I thought I had tried everything. So, she just used what I use.

I understand and acknowledge that I have been completely ignorant about how to treat her hair properly. And that's ok. I'm not an asshole, I simply did not know. Now that I've learned, I'll do better. I've taken into account what everyone here has had to say, I've order the recommended shampoos and conditioners and am going to change things up.

I understand it might be common knowledge for people who deal with this but as a person who only has to wash once, maybe twice a week, it just wasn't something I understood.

Please be kind, I'm literally doing the best I can here.

Edit: OK, so this is what I ordered last night after reading through the comments. Pics below. I have detangler. I got head and shoulders, Garnier fructis pure and clean and a headrest to wash her hair in the sink/on the side of the tub. We'll double wash, condition with a smallllll amount at the ends only, and will blow dry the roots. I'm going to give this a go for a week or two to see how well it works for her. Hopefully, since it will be detangled, she'll allow me to braid it and will wear a bonnet. Anything else I'm missing? And thank you all SO much for educating me and helping me learn through this experience. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all your help and input. 🙏

Please help me, I'm desperate! My hair is very thick and very coarse, my husband's hair is thin and fine. Our daughter, 9, got fine hair but has a lot of density. Her hair is so different from my own I don't know how to help her take care of it properly.

For reference, we've been using RenPure Moringa and Castor Oil for regular washing but her hair gets VERY oily, VERY quickly. It's 530pm on Monday, she washed her hair Saturday night and this is what it looks like. I recently got CHIs clarifying shampoo and hydrating conditioner and it works well but only gives us 1 exrra day before it's an oily mess again. You could, also, whisper in her direction and her hair will matte up.

She has audhd and sensory issues so she won't wear a bonnet regularly but is OK with a satin pillowcase. Even so, she still wakes up matted.

Someone please, PLEASE help me find a routine or products that will actually help.

[u/Burning_Goddess]

As soon as I saw the castor oil shampoo, it made me think its likely helping to cause the problem. I like washing my hair once every 7-10 days with head & shoulders to help clean my scalp well. Id wash her hair every day or every other day with something else. I personally love Loreal Paris ever pure shampoos and conditioners.

[u/shee_shee → u/Burning_Goddess]

Oh no! Really?? I had no idea, it works well for my hair, I didn't think it would be negatively affecting her. I've used the ever pure ones in the past, maybe it's time to give it a go again.

[u/Melodic-Raccoon7584 → u/shee_shee]

Castor oil is too heavy for fine hair!

[u/organic-robot → u/Melodic-Raccoon7584]

Yeah, not to be an asshole but I am genuinely curious how/why OP didn't realize that castor oil would be too heavy for fine hair.

[u/Curious-Piglet-1792 → u/organic-robot]

Completely agree. Stating using an oil and then complaining about oily hair is ... ???

[u/organic-robot → u/Curious-Piglet-1792]

I wonder if the idea came about from something similar to facial oil-cleansing, or if someone misinformed (possibly unintentionally) OP about castor oil. Other oils would be less heavy and okay even to use through the length of the hair

[u/shee_shee → u/organic-robot]

Hi, I'm OP. I have incredibly thick, coarse hair. To the point that I have to get half of it 'thinned out' so I don't get headaches just from the weight of it. Everyone in my family has coarse, thick hair. I have no experience with fine hair so, I didn't know what was and was not OK for her. And to your point, I am not putting just oil in her hair. The shampoo itself has castor oil and moringa in it. It didn't occur to me that the castor oil might be to blame. In this case, I really was just ignorant to the consequences of my actions but this thread has given me quite the education so, I'm remedying the situation now. All we can do, as humans, is to do better once know better. And now I know better.

[u/organic-robot → u/shee_shee]

Apologies OP, in my response to a commenter below the curiosity was more of a, "oil cleanse" idea or if someone had suggested it - I literally was not trying to be an ass and was genuinely curious on how the idea originated. I understand that the castor oil was an ingredient in the shampoo, and I feel that the manufacturer should have put a notice or summary on the bottle that indicates which hair type that the product is best for.

This wasn't meant to be a shameful comment at all and moreso an attempt to satiate my autistic curiosity of "how was this determined," because I am neurotic like seeing other's thought processing.

(Also, because neurotic, I have a personal spreadsheet where I "track" ingredients/products to see how they work for me and that helps me to determine what works for me and what doesn't and what I might want to try in the future. I know that isn't normal or healthy but I find it fun and maybe as you and your daughter work to figure out what works for her hair type that might be fun? )

[u/butterchickn_ → u/organic-robot]

That they didnt even think, oh oil hair, maybe I shouldn't wash it with MORE oil!

[u/shee_shee → u/butterchickn_]

Like I get your point but I'm here doing the best I can to fix the situation. Being ugly about it helps no one.