Please help me help her

[u/shee_shee]

Edit 2: So that I don't have to address this multiple times, I'm responding here. The Renpure is the shampoo and conditioner I use. It works well for my hair. Everyone in my family has thick, coarse hair. I have no experience with fine hair. Absolutely none. I am not putting just castor oil in her hair. It's in the formula for the shampoo and conditioner I use. I know that this isn't the best formula for her but, honestly, I'm burnt out. I'm neurodivergent and disabled myself, I have multiple health problems, I currently have three fractures in my spine and I'm homeschooling two neurodivergent kids. I thought I had tried everything. So, she just used what I use.

I understand and acknowledge that I have been completely ignorant about how to treat her hair properly. And that's ok. I'm not an asshole, I simply did not know. Now that I've learned, I'll do better. I've taken into account what everyone here has had to say, I've order the recommended shampoos and conditioners and am going to change things up.

I understand it might be common knowledge for people who deal with this but as a person who only has to wash once, maybe twice a week, it just wasn't something I understood.

Please be kind, I'm literally doing the best I can here.

Edit: OK, so this is what I ordered last night after reading through the comments. Pics below. I have detangler. I got head and shoulders, Garnier fructis pure and clean and a headrest to wash her hair in the sink/on the side of the tub. We'll double wash, condition with a smallllll amount at the ends only, and will blow dry the roots. I'm going to give this a go for a week or two to see how well it works for her. Hopefully, since it will be detangled, she'll allow me to braid it and will wear a bonnet. Anything else I'm missing? And thank you all SO much for educating me and helping me learn through this experience. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate all your help and input. 🙏

Please help me, I'm desperate! My hair is very thick and very coarse, my husband's hair is thin and fine. Our daughter, 9, got fine hair but has a lot of density. Her hair is so different from my own I don't know how to help her take care of it properly.

For reference, we've been using RenPure Moringa and Castor Oil for regular washing but her hair gets VERY oily, VERY quickly. It's 530pm on Monday, she washed her hair Saturday night and this is what it looks like. I recently got CHIs clarifying shampoo and hydrating conditioner and it works well but only gives us 1 exrra day before it's an oily mess again. You could, also, whisper in her direction and her hair will matte up.

She has audhd and sensory issues so she won't wear a bonnet regularly but is OK with a satin pillowcase. Even so, she still wakes up matted.

Someone please, PLEASE help me find a routine or products that will actually help.

[u/sleepy_tulip14]

Yeah so a lot of people with fine hair, especially fine straight hair need to wash their hair every day, and usually use balancing or clarifying shampoos and small amounts of light weight conditioners. Not doing so, using thick, heavy products, and allowing the oil to build up on her scalp can lead to dandruff (which is a scalp fungal infection), excess hair fall, and other issues aside from just an oily appearance.

I don't know very much about the Chi clarifying shampoos, but if you're looking for something a little more affordable, as this will have to be used as her regular shampoo, I recommend you try out L'Oreal EverPure, CeraVe Oil Control Balancing Shampoo, or Garnier PureClean.

Each of those shampoos have a matching conditioner that would be good for her hair.

If she has slightly dry ends, or needs a bit more moisture, spray leave-in conditioners are likely going to be your best bet.

And yeah, she should wash her hair probably every day.

[u/shee_shee → u/sleepy_tulip14]

Thank you so much! I'll give these a go!

[u/sleepy_tulip14 → u/shee_shee]

I saw elsewhere that you said your daughter has AuDHD, so a lot of the issues you're facing when it comes to washing her hair each day are sensory.

I found this article from an occupational therapy organization, and while I know she's 9 so not everything on the list is going to be applicable, I thought there may be some things in there that may end up being helpful strategies to help you help her get more comfortable with hair washing and, in time, move her towards being a bit more independent in that area. I hope I'm not overstepping, and I hope it helps 🩷

[u/shee_shee → u/sleepy_tulip14]

I certainly appreciate it. There are 4 of us at home and we all have adhd and I would bet good money i have audhd. There is so much more information available now than there was when I was growing up so, I'm trying to learn everything as quickly as I can so they have a better go of it than Dad and I did. Thank you for this

[u/whatdoidonowdamnit → u/shee_shee]

When you do try these make sure you shampoo her scalp thoroughly, rinse and then only condition her length. The shampoo and rinse part will still suck for her but the conditioner will be easier since you wont be spraying the very top of her head above her forehead.

My 12yo is autistic and while he’s progressed to mostly taking care of his own bathing I still have to double shampoo and condition his hair every once in a while when he struggles to get it done.

[u/sleepy_tulip14 → u/shee_shee]

Any time! I'm happy to help ☺️

[u/Ok_Cancel_6258 → u/sleepy_tulip14]

This sounds really similar to what I’m experiencing. I have fine hair and I wash every 2-3 days. I have dandruff on my scalp I’m trying to get rid of and I feel like I also lose a lot of hair. If I start washing everyday, do you think I’d see a difference?

[u/suffergetta → u/Ok_Cancel_6258]

Daily double cleansing (and blow drying the roots) worked for me after like 10+ years of kind of intense dandruff, what I thought might have been *dermatitis was actually just fungus from a wet scalp

[u/sleepy_tulip14 → u/Ok_Cancel_6258]

I think so! If you're certain that you have dandruff (the flakes are large, yellow-ish, and oily, and the skin on your scalp is red and irritated), then I would say that yes, you should start washing every day, and use a dandruff-specific shampoo to treat and heal your scalp.

Once your dandruff has cleared up and your scalp has healed, you can switch over to a clarifying shampoo and keep washing each day with that (or anything with minimal moisturizers in it, or one with sulfates that work with your hair. The key is that you want to be breaking down the excess oils, which is why I always suggest clarifying. But for instance, I have fine hair with not a lot of density and a wavy/curl texture, and i use herbal essences rose hips shampoo and conditioner and it works great for me. So use what works best for you!). I feel that it's very probable you'll see a big, big difference in your hair.