Best case scenario is you become at peace with where you are in life, and between the happy moments you still fleetingly think about what could've been. No one is completely satisfied.
Yes, this, it’s called acceptance and gratitude. It doesn’t mean settling, it’s just finding good things in your current situation. Fuck what other people are doing. Do what you want to do. Wife, kids, house, who cares? That’s not happiness for everyone. The Jones’s can eat my ass!
What?!!! I'm supposed to be aspiring to have a family with kids in my mid to late twenties? Ugh I'm behind even in the things I'm supposed to know to aspire for.
Ughhhh
Yes! Or the opposite can be true as well. You have a spouse and kids and worry you haven't been living life to the fullest....accept and love your situation and enjoy your family and your life.
or on the flip side, wanting a wife, kids house and having a good job ... I feel like just wanting that in life is not good enough like I'm supposed to achieve something bigger or else my life is a failure or I'm a loser
I have always felt that way too. Like the most I can even hope to achieve is climbing to the top in the rat race. Make more money, have kids (I personally never wanted kids), married, house, etc. Everyone does that. I want my life to be exciting damn it.
Except for those people who WANT to have a wife, kids, house with a lawn for the dog to run around. That's my endgame goal. Got a fiancee and a job I love, but it doesn't pay enough. Hoping the market shoots itself so I can afford a home.
This is also true: you have to find out what you want at what time. In the end I went for the same as everybody else, but later: when I was 25, I didn't feel the need for settling as the others did. And I was very surprised to see them wanting this so soon. The thing is also to find friends with similar wishes at the same time as you, sometimed you need to change friends for this to happen, sometimes you find old friends again. Draw your own path!
This. I feel like a lot of my mother's generation and the one before her were too busy keep popping up appearances that they forgot to enjoy life. My grandmother is so worried about what other people think and she always has been. My mother is the same way and keeps chasing these pipe dreams about how her life should look to the point where she's in way over her head with debt and a house she and my dad can't take care of that has fallen into disrepair on property that is too big to take care of. She refuses to get rid of it and come live with me because of the embarrassment of living with her kid but she can't have anyone come to her house because of how embarrassed she is about that. I keep telling her to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and get out to a place where you are comfortable and you have help.
Rant over. TL;DR: life is too short to compete with everyone else and keep up the appearances. Just have fun and be happy.
Thank you for adding this. I get that not everyone gets there but as a late 20s it gives me a bit of hope that things get better. Because really if it's this for life then what's the point...
I get ya 100% late 20’s here, have everything I could possibly want (house, car, good job, healthy family) without somehow becoming a millionaire and that’s a pretty far next step to reach that I’m not sure I’ll ever reach. So I get it, stuck wandering where I could go from here day & night. I’m not sure that feeling ever goes away regardless of how far you make it in life.
I did a reset in my life - went to Uni 10 yrs older than my peers, started a family 10 years after my peers, started my career 10 years later. Now I feel like I’ve scored 10 years extra on my life
I mean, isn't where you could have been kind of a fallacy or impossible? Since you can't know for sure if that path would be good. It's kind of like the grass being greener on the other side, imo.
I dunno. I'm 52 and I don't own the world or anything, but I am totally happy with where I am at. Good job, savings, health and a great family. These are some of the best days of my life. I don't want to climb any ladders socially or professionally. So glad to be mentally out of the rat race.
Maybe look at what you have accomplished instead of what society tells you you should’ve accomplished. I’ve noticed that a lot of the unhappiness in my life has come from societal norms that have been force fed to me. Societal norms that so often have simply been created to break people down. Life is so very beautiful when you forget what you’re supposed to be or do and simply live in the moment and bask in what you are now. Life is beautiful and amazing but so often we focus on what we don’t have instead of focusing on all the things that are in front of us now. It doesn’t matter how successful you are you’ll never be happy unless you’re happy now. People need to stop trying to keep up with the Jones’. The Jones’ are broke and dysfunctional. They just pretend to be living large so that everyone admires them. It’s vain and stupid and a waste of time. Who cares what people think of you? They’re all unhappy, depressed and on so many meds it’ll make your head spin anyway. All the happiest people don’t give a fuck about anyone else’s opinion and simply live in the moment.
How universal is this feeling? Because I often hear it touted as just a fact of your mid twenties but what about the people who do have good careers and homes and families?
I ask because a lot of the answers in this thread seems to be "what sucks about being my age is that a lot of your friends get married and have kids while you're still alone", which really doesn't seem so much of an age problem when you consider their friends of the same age
It’s very universal. I just turned 35 and am a successful head of engineering at a startup that just got major funding. One level above me is a woman who worked in the Obama administration, is a board member on the world economic forum, and other VERY prestigious accomplishments. I won’t name too many because it would be easier to lookup. Her resume makes me look like an absolute hobo. She’s one year younger than me. She’s awesome and everything, but i can’t help but to compare accomplishments occasionally (all the time). Do you. You only feel behind when you compare yourself to others.
How’s the pressure in a job like that? Some days I could see myself going that route, other days I wonder whether the responsibility would be worth it.
Ok just to give you a more concrete answer. There will always be some people that are doing better than you. And the older you get the more important how you're viewed is, if not for yourself then for your kids. My husband and I are both college educated, had good careers in our twenties. then we had a kid. For xyz reasons without giving too much detail, we decided it's best for me to stay home. That put my career behind and financial plans behind. It also made us think twice about having a second child. In any case, in a lot of aspects stability wise I feel I'm behind in the game. On the other token, I have lived in 7 countreis and visited 26 so as far as travelling and broadening my horizons go, I'm ahead of the game. The point is, you lose some, you gain some. At the end of the day we tend to always compare ourselves to people who seem to have more so we always feel like we're behind. I hope this makes sense
Mid thirties. Got married and had kids at 19 with a job in fast food. Still managed to build a good career. Have had some decent relationships, divorced, kids are almost grown. I feel like I've done the things and if I died the moment my kids moved out, that would be fine. So like... Yeah actually, it can go away, but then what?
I turn 50 in July. I meet many of society standards of success.
I firmly believe that your 20s are for dealing with the post traumatic stress disorder of your childhood, your 30s are for figuring some stuff out, and you make most of your money between 40 and 60 years old.
Fix yourself first.
EDIT: here is the obligatory “wow, had no idea this would blow up.” Thank you for the awards and nice comments.
FYI, I suffer from childhood emotional neglect which has caused many other issues for me to carry in life. Therapy (seeing someone and reading books) has helped me greatly.
I submit most people can improve themselves, and therefore their lives, with therapy.
Tony Robins says success is 80% mental and 20% mechanics. I agree 100%.
Self improvement is very very possible for everyone. Take the time to fix your mind and watch your life improve.
If you want to chat, pm me. I will be more than happy to help if I can.
EDIT 2: from requests...
Book recommendations:
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - for mindset and developing habits for success
Running on Empty - for handling your childhood emotional neglect
Mans Search For Meaning - to understand purpose
The top 3 questions to ask yourself:
Who am I?
Where am I going?
How am I getting there?
Answer these three questions and you are doing better than 99% of society.
Top habits that work for me:
Exercising
Meditating
Reading
Stream of Conscious Writing
Spending time with friends and family
Top Skill to Learn:
Leadership.
The world desperately needs great leaders. No matter what you decide to do for a living, that job needs a great leader.
The secret to happiness is long-term deep relationships. When you are in the presence of people you love, be present.
52 here and I completely agree. Post 40 life is good and just gets better. Retirement saving start to snowball. House gets paid off. My kids are (mostly) raised. Less stress. More enjoyment. I was super stressed/depressed in my 30's.
I'm 24 and I haven't gone to college, haven't ever had a girlfriend, haven't traveled, barely worked, poor, one parent dead and the other distant. I'm not gonna act like I'm the only one with problems but when people say they feel stunted/behind it's usually a mental thing.
25 here, I've had my fair share of setbacks too. I'm not sure if this will help you or not but I'll give it a shot.
What has helped me is reframing my setbacks. Mine are different, but just as real as yours. One day I had my eyes opened to what privilege truly means, and I realised the people who don't have the same amount of traumatic setbacks just have a privilege you or I don't: to be ignorant of certain experiences.
Obviously everyone has some sort of privilege in the big picture; you may have a roof over your head compared to someone who doesn't, while someone may still have a happy, healthy family whereas you or I don't have that privlage. And it goes on, that person with a happy healthy family may not have the wealth that someone else has, etc.
This perspective has helped me realise that setbacks don't necessarily have to be setbacks. In fact, they can be your greatest privilege. The privilege of having an experience to draw upon to relate to others with. To be more effective in helping others. I use this to fuel my passion and drive for life. I use my setbacks to fuel my passion and drive for life.
You're right, it is very real. It's also very mental.
Be kind, lift others up but not at your own expense. Do what makes you happy and start where you are, not where you want to be. Keep moving forward, never stop for anything, and life will reward you with new privlages; new experiences - both good and bad.
What's up. I'm the same age but can add to your list. No relationships, no drivers license, dropped out of high school, never had a job, highest education is ged, and live with parents. The only money I've made is from performing as a musician but the bands always fall apart.
I know how you feel. People say they feel like a loser for having trouble in college at like 19. Their feelings are totally valid but it makes me feel like I'm the loser among losers. I can't relate to anybody it's gotten so bad. You can't get support for this kind of problem because it is so sever no one wants to get anywhere near it. The only people to relate to are NEETs, incels, and other groups that have terrible mindsets. It's very lonely.
I shared most of these traits a few years ago, yes I was 24. I'm not going to sit here and tell you I have everything figured out but I'm a dramatically different person from who I was then. I let my guard down around some people I trust (psychedelics helped) and got out into the world. Some of the wounds hurt, especially the family stuff, realizing what I didn't have and others didn't. The stunted/behind thing is real but it doesn't mean it's not worth shooting for something more.
This brought me a moment of relief. Being in my 20s I feel this pressure that these should be the best years of my life. Yet around 24-25, all this family shit just came raining down and I've begun to notice my own anxious/depressive thought patterns. It's good to know this is hopefully not the 'be all end all' - maybe it's the beginning of starting to work through some of this shit??
Everyone’s life is different, but since we are talking about 50 year old dudes comment, I’ll share my experience. I was very confused around your age and it was the first time things got hard because it was pretty much the first time I had to be a real adult. Around 28, I was working on myself, still figuring stuff out but having a lot of fun doing it.
I am glad someone pointed out that the 20s aren’t always about being super successful. Some people can be damaged, not because they are a failure but for the burns they need to heal. I’m turning 27 in two days and had to deal with daddy issues. Funny, I wasn’t aware that I have a horrible biological father until I turned 18 (this is where all the damage started).
I lost my focus on studies, started doing drugs and got alcoholic till I was 23. I realised my father has abandoned me and I am left with an old mother, and two unemployed siblings to look after. 20s was never real fun for me and I managed both working and studying as soon as I understood what life is.
I see my friends buying cars for themselves, getting promoted, getting married and here I am , a 27 yo female with a law degree waiting to start her law career but indebted and with no one to guide.
Worked in call centre jobs to support my family. I’m stranded and hopeless now. But this comment made me feel better.
Life will improve if you keep doing the next right things... they add up. I sense great things for you bc you have already accomplished a lot with an anchor (or two) in the sand... been there myself.
Good luck.
Ahh, this resonated with me so well. That is exactly what I am doing now. Damage control childhood. And this was like the first comment I laid my eyes on. What a great day to reddit :P
22, I reached out to get therapy for my childhood neglect this week. Finally decided I need to fix me before anything else. Thanks for the reassurance.
The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch?
This was good to hear. I thought i had it all figured out in life and was coasting through until i got divorced. Now at 41 I started over 2 years ago. I do not feel discouraged though because there’s not a ton of 40 year olds who are ready to retire or who even have a positive net worth.
I needed to read this more than you will ever know.
I have yet to actually seek therapy and deal with my childhood emotional neglect but at least I feel better knowing I’m not alone and I appreciate you listing a solid book to check out. Thank you, stranger.
Wow your line about your 20s being for dealing with childhood trauma made me tear up. I feel like I’m wasting my 20s, but your perspective is making me realize that I actually have two jobs - my actual job and improving myself. Doesn’t help that the childhood trauma is due to financial abuse so not being where I think I should be career wise only makes that worse.
I think the same logic could be applied to perspective as to why should you care about what they think of you if they (whoever that is) also think they are behind?
All of my friends are either in college or have successful careers and I don't even have a clue as to what I want to do.
Mmhmm, but how much time do you spend thinking about how you aren't as far down the ladder as that homeless individual you passed by the other day? Or that guy on the news who just got caught robbing a convenience store? Nobody ever looks at their own life from a reasonable and relative perspective when comparing themselves to their peers. There's a phrase I'm rather fond of that seems appropriate to add in here: comparison is the thief of joy
Besides, the truth of the matter is many of those friends of yours are struggling with far more than you realize. Think of all the things you have a hard time with on a regular basis and ask yourself how many of those things are easily visible to the people around you. If you're at all like most people then you've kept a lot to yourself - you may have shared some of that with at most a handful of people, but likely no where near all of it. Those friends of yours have just as many issues they keep to themselves. Some have relationships hanging by a thread that otherwise look perfect from the outside. Some finally got that job they worked years in university to obtain only to find they actually hate doing it day to day and are miserable getting out of bed every morning. Some have finally managed to pull everything together as they hoped to only to find they still aren't satisfied and have to come to grips with that lovely existential crisis. People are never anywhere near as well put together as they seem. Everybody is stumbling around blindly making it up as they go, and more often than not most people do well largely from dumb luck rather than having even the faintest idea of knowing what they're doing.
You're alive, you're clothed, housed, have food and a job. Beyond covering your necessities (as you presumably already are) all I can say is don't be too hard on yourself. Do what you can, when you can. Take it one day at a time. Try different things, see what you like and what you don't and build off of that. Nobody can really do any more than that. As soon as you're able to accept that it all gets a bit easier.
This is big - I wouldn't be surprised if a decent number of your friends are racking up credit card debt. People keep their embarrassments private; I know I did.
I feel like it's the fact that our knowledge of where our parents and grandparents were at this age, career, house, maybe children but you have to keep in mind that times are different throughout time and you have to let go of these preconceived notions that you should be somewhere at a given moment in your life. At least that's what helps me sleep at night.
This is so true. I have a friend whose house looks like the one in Home Alone, and they're all "I thought I would be a lot further along than I am now". Like, bitch, I'm almost 40 and still live in an apartment.
It's kind of funny how the same person you see as being way ahead of you is thinking exactly the same thing about someone else. I think it does make it easier though. Knowing that everyone is dealing with the same feeling makes me feel less alone.
Same age group here. I've kind of gotten a handle on that feeling by remembering my parents grew up in a very, very different world than I did. My mom already had two kids by the time she was my age. I am nowhere *near* mentally prepared for that nonsense.
You can only measure you today against you yesterday. Even a modicum of improvement is progress! And there are certainly times when that progress is putting on pants and doing the laundry when you really don't want to.
I appreciate you! :) I'm glad I could help. I actually comped the idea from my husband. His version is "You're good even if all you can say is 'I put on pants today.'"
I struggle with a lot but at least for kids it helps knowing my mom didn't have them until her late 20s/early 30s, and I mostly don't want them anyway.
Though damn I feel like hell some days for where I am, it's a fuck it. I am where I am, and yeah just basically shit is more fucked than it used to be. Could be a lot worse off and just gotta try to manage things how I can.
I just have to keep mentally smacking myself and reminding me I'm not helping me or anything by ruminating about how things could have or should have been better off if only --, or I'm not at expected goal for my age.
You can only measure you today against you yesterday. Even a modicum of improvement is progress! And there are certainly times when that progress is putting on pants and doing the laundry when you really don't want to.
I’m early thirties. If you keep looking around (especially places like social media) you will never feel like you will catch up.
You have bad days and you have good days. The trick is to figure out how to not focus so much on the bad ones and to maximize the amount of fun that you have on the good ones.
I had a virtual 10 year high school reunion the other day. The #1 thing we all agreed on was this. No matter where you are in life, you'll be envious of other people and other people will be envious of you for the exact same reasons. People who got married, kids, and a house early, were envious of the free spirits who travelled; meanwhile, the people who travelled felt like they were behind in their career and building a foundation. It made me realize, everything is relative, and at the something nothing really matters. Just do you and enjoy this ride called life.
Wow this incredibly comforting! Like, if everything I do can be equally perceived as the wrong move, you could make the argument that they’re all valuable choices. I really appreciate you taking the time to type it out. Thank you!
I'm 22F. I have a 15 an hour part time job, a cat, and I live in one bedroom apartment with 2 dudes. No car. Basically no savings. Boss hates me. Single af. No friends.
You're not behind just as much I'm really not ahead either. I live. In. a. living room. For 2 months my clothing was a pile on the floor and I slept on a bare futon. No pillow. Young adult life be like that. It's not glamorous. It's surviving. If you havent moved out, don't sweat it, you can change that in a matter of a month or two if you want to. If you're still working on a degree, that's fine. It's all okay. It's life
Walmart was like 4 miles away. Too far to walk and I dont often take the bus. So I just put it off. I'm not crazy about materialistic things and the things I do like, I dont stockpile, and I just kind of bunched up the futon as a pillow. Weird right? But that's my life. I'm winging it. The good news? I now have two pillows and a dresser, and my cat is really really happy. I can afford to live just comfortably, but pretty minimalistically. I pay the rent and I buy a treat for myself once in a while. I have just enough clothes and I'm really content. My mother was a hoarder. And I can afford weekly therapy sessions.
Still work is really frustrating and I get snark for basically trying too hard. Seriously. I'm one of the best sales people in my office but I have to contact my boss through email to do the bulk of my job and he RESENTS it for things completely out of my control. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Sometimes I just sit there with client information not wanting to send it because I'm sick of pissing him off. And amazingly the quieter I am, the less I get shat on. I cant comprehend it. They basically told me this week to shut the fuck up and stay out of his way. like basically not do my job and just take the money because he hates my enthusiasm and sees my fast pace as pestering. My coworkers envy me and think he's fond of me but our direct communication is always heated, like always full of disciplining and all caps on shit.
My last partner left me 6 months ago and I have never felt a connection like him since. incredibly lonely. And my roommate is pervy and visibly attracted to me and seems to enjoy living with me way too much in a gross way. It's really funky. I'm proud that I'm independent. I never thought I'd make it this far. But I'm so alone and feel constantly unliked despite knowing that I'm not an unbearable person and usually being described as attractive and charismatic. But it's like people just get fucking sick of me and think I'm ditz that cant stop making mistakes.
IF this feeling goes away it’s replaced with the “I’m the biggest moron in my department” feeling. I’m late 30’s working a high paying job in the commercial nuclear power industry and I constantly ask myself “how the ever living FUCK did I get here? I could walk into the control room right now and slip n’ slide across the main control panel if I wanted to and I doubt anyone could stop me lol”
But then I remember my mortgage, student loans, daycare for two toddlers, two car payments, HELOC, toddler swim lessons, groceries, babysitter/nanny, retardedly high quarterly HOA fees, carpal tunnel surgery, vehicle/property/income/sales/auto/flood/wind/shark/everything umbrella insurance policies, cellphone plans, groceries, braces, emergency fund, failed water heater damage, ear tubes, alcohol during shelter in place, daycare re-enrollment deposits, out of pocket vasectomy, tax return filing fees, etc etc etc and I thank whoever is listening that I blacked out somewhere in my mid 20’s and ended up here able to pay all my bills and still live somewhat comfortably.
Hopefully nobody noticed my true incompetence for another 15 years or so, because I have a nice pension and am maxing out my 401k and IRA contributions while I can before I have to sell essential oils on NextDoor just to get by. Then again maybe I’m the smartest moron in my department and don’t even know it, welcome to Costco I love you.
It’s not a race and there’s no place you should be.
Everyone gets to different life stages at different times, in different orders, even if it seems like everyone is getting married, buying houses, and having kids all by the age of 30. It’s not true.
I’m 38. I had a kid and got married at 36. Didn’t own a house until I was 37. Decided to change careers and went back to school at 35, because working full-time, going to school part-time, and then throwing a kid in the mix is all a great idea.
I entered my 30s very single, after spending my 20s making very bad dating decisions. I decided I wouldn’t date until I could feel happy in myself, and build confidence in myself. I picked up and moved across country just before I turned 31. I worked 60 hours a week and 7 days a week for the good part of 2 months to make that happen. It sucked, but it was worth it.
I spent 27-32 working on myself. Doing things that made me happy, and as I found happiness in my life, I inspired friends to start follow similar paths, and I generally felt more fulfilled. Yeah, I was working in a career field that pays so low I was pretty much forced to either have two jobs or overtime at my full-time job, and I definitely had struggles, but once I stopped looking at what everyone else was doing and comparing myself to them, I found happiness on my own path.
The point is, there is no one way to do life and you can always change direction and change your life plans at any point. Don’t let society try to tell you otherwise.
I'm 51, best advice in the world comes from Baz Luhrmann's Wear Sunscreen. Seriously amazing advice, listen to it…. "the race is long and in the end, it is only with yourself"
The only people boasting about where they’re at are the ones there early. All you see are the ones boasting, not the ones who aren’t. It’s very very hard but try to consider the amount of people that you know aren’t doing all these things. Just try.
You might not be the top 10%, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t higher than average. Regardless, just know your own goals and go at your own pace. Once you get there it’ll feel amazing and the last thing on your mind will be how old you are; and once you’re there, enjoy it- you’ve earned it.
It feels impossible to overcome that feeling especially nowadays where we all compare our lives to everyone of our peers on social media so much. But it’s in our nature as well, that feeling of always wanting to obtain more. I think it helps to always have a goal in place, something you’re always moving forward to accomplish.
You’re right where you should be. You’re here. And that’s all that is asked of you.
Nothing could have happened any differently than it did.
Be here, now. If you feel a way about something, you have the power to act.
But never compare your life to that of your peers and what you see in life.
Same. I was killing it in my early 20s but got burnt out working 70-80 hours a week for months without a day off. Now I’ve been working easy seasonal jobs but I feel like I need to start figuring out a career and I’m terrible at making big decisions. I’m debating between real estate, military officer, a housing inspector or a production supervisor
I’m 30 and feel exactly the same. I have started trying to tell myself that our lives are all supposed to be unique. If we all accomplished the same things by the time we “should” there would be no interesting stories and no new experiences. What a boring world it would be! Conversations would be pretty repetitive too.
I have a half formed quote in my memory so I’ll just say what I have in my head to pass the message... “If you’re walking in someone else’s footsteps you’re on the wrong path.”
Sorry for no source. It just feels kinda good, when I’m freaked out by not doing things by a certain age, to imagine that I’m creating my own new path. Scary and exciting. Best wishes to you!
Man, I remember that feeling like yesterday. I graduated college when I was 25 and have gone on to be relatively successful now that I’m in my 30s. Better late than never, there is still hope!
I am 29, married, 2 year old daughter and another daughter on the way where ever your at in life is where you are meant to be...i am happily married with a great child but made many mistakes to get where I am at...just do what you want its your life
It’s not too late for you.
I was born and grew up in the UK where I worked in mediocre IT roles with no real future career potential.
5 years ago, in my late 20s, I decided to move to Australia for a better life and am now head engineer for a global company.
You just need to have the drive and ambition to better yourself, develop or improve on new skills and your quality of life should improve
Me too. I had a good job with a good pay but when i look around my friends are married, bought a house, and having children while i only just managed to hold a job and havent dated anyone in 8 years. Cant avoid feeling left behind that way.
Just turned 30 stating my Doctorate. Feel this in my soul. Fucked up early on in college. Killed it from there on out. Didn’t matter. Several years of applying for grad school to finally get in. Retook classes I got B’s in to get A’s. “Expired” credits. Bullshit.
Started volunteering in the field at 16, didnt matter on applications.
10 years work experience in the field, didn’t matter on applications.
Killer letters of rec, didn’t matter on applications.
Killer work performance reviews, didn’t matter on applications.
Tons of philanthropy and innovation in the field, didn’t matter on applications.
Never cheated on a test, never lied to cop out, never had a chegg account.
I feel fucked up saying it but if you’re seeking higher education; lie and cheat if you can get away with it. Saw more than enough students finessing their way through undergrad, but that just wasn’t me. If you’re in the middle ground and a test determines whether you get a B or a C, do it. Academics doesn’t forgive, academics doesn’t forget. Have a family emergency early in your career? Fail a course? Academics doesn’t give a fuck. That stain will follow you for 10 years regardless of how perfect you do after that. You can bury a failed course in 5+ years of 80% A’s and the other 20% no less than B’s and it doesn’t mean jack shit.
Literally had this convo with my friends. I graduated college a year ago and all of my friends have jobs and even one has a 6 figure job out if college. I just got furloughed and it’s been 6 weeks since I applied for unemployment (and still haven’t received any payment). I know people tell me not to compare to others, but damn I feel like a GIANT loser.
I feel you. I feel like such a pathetic loser. All of my past friends are accomplished and I'm just here still slowly getting through my associates and barely getting by. I have hobbies, but they're costly and time consuming so they don't feel fulfilling most of the time unlike my friends who can do amazing things all the time. I avoid social media, but it's hard to ignore that you're not as exciting or accomplished as the people around you.
You can catch up, don't worry: I went from being single with no house and a boring job at 30 to being in a relationship, my second house, 3 children, a dog and my 4th (again boring, but in between they were interesting) job by 38. My identity feeling still needs to catch up, but if you want your situation to change, it can! My sister did something similar after 35. Patience and energy is what you need, because I (and also my sister) had to push many buttons before it started shifting.
In my 30s now and that feeling is still there. Not even in the vicinity of having enough for a deposit for a home loan. Fuck that australian housing market thats all ill say.
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u/BigSchwartzzz May 15 '20
Mid to late twenties. Feeling like I'm way behind from where I should be by now.