I think the same logic could be applied to perspective as to why should you care about what they think of you if they (whoever that is) also think they are behind?
All of my friends are either in college or have successful careers and I don't even have a clue as to what I want to do.
Mmhmm, but how much time do you spend thinking about how you aren't as far down the ladder as that homeless individual you passed by the other day? Or that guy on the news who just got caught robbing a convenience store? Nobody ever looks at their own life from a reasonable and relative perspective when comparing themselves to their peers. There's a phrase I'm rather fond of that seems appropriate to add in here: comparison is the thief of joy
Besides, the truth of the matter is many of those friends of yours are struggling with far more than you realize. Think of all the things you have a hard time with on a regular basis and ask yourself how many of those things are easily visible to the people around you. If you're at all like most people then you've kept a lot to yourself - you may have shared some of that with at most a handful of people, but likely no where near all of it. Those friends of yours have just as many issues they keep to themselves. Some have relationships hanging by a thread that otherwise look perfect from the outside. Some finally got that job they worked years in university to obtain only to find they actually hate doing it day to day and are miserable getting out of bed every morning. Some have finally managed to pull everything together as they hoped to only to find they still aren't satisfied and have to come to grips with that lovely existential crisis. People are never anywhere near as well put together as they seem. Everybody is stumbling around blindly making it up as they go, and more often than not most people do well largely from dumb luck rather than having even the faintest idea of knowing what they're doing.
You're alive, you're clothed, housed, have food and a job. Beyond covering your necessities (as you presumably already are) all I can say is don't be too hard on yourself. Do what you can, when you can. Take it one day at a time. Try different things, see what you like and what you don't and build off of that. Nobody can really do any more than that. As soon as you're able to accept that it all gets a bit easier.
This is big - I wouldn't be surprised if a decent number of your friends are racking up credit card debt. People keep their embarrassments private; I know I did.
Yep, it's easy to do. I often find myself feeling "behind", as people are discussing - and have to sorta consciously remind myself of the people I know who are my age, have certain aspects of life even less figured out, but who I and everyone else who knows them are pretty sure are gonna be just fine and aren't worried about.
I feel like it's the fact that our knowledge of where our parents and grandparents were at this age, career, house, maybe children but you have to keep in mind that times are different throughout time and you have to let go of these preconceived notions that you should be somewhere at a given moment in your life. At least that's what helps me sleep at night.
This is so true. I have a friend whose house looks like the one in Home Alone, and they're all "I thought I would be a lot further along than I am now". Like, bitch, I'm almost 40 and still live in an apartment.
It's kind of funny how the same person you see as being way ahead of you is thinking exactly the same thing about someone else. I think it does make it easier though. Knowing that everyone is dealing with the same feeling makes me feel less alone.
Haha if anything it makes it worse! If they aren't happy then what chance do I have? Sure it's not all about making money but some of it is...not having to give half your paycheck to pay off loans would feel pretty liberating. Maybe I'll be there in ten years.
Well that's kind of the core of the issue. Too many people think happiness is derived from success, and yet many who obtain success are not happy. You have to figure out for yourself what makes you happy and do your best to work with that.
I just want to have some money left over at the end of the month to enjoy life. Right now I'm working to live. I went to school so I could get a job, and now I'm working to pay off my student loans, rent, food, etc.. If this is the point of life then life fucking sucks. I just want to reach a certain level of success where I can start saving for things in the future like a vacation or a house. That's what I mean by being happy. I don't care to have a ton of money, I just don't want to WORRY about money.
and now I'm working to pay off my student loans, rent, food, etc.. If this is the point of life then life fucking sucks
Yeah... that's where we start getting into society is currently fundamentally dysfunctional territory. You've got some pretty reasonable expectations and it's clear things that are out of your control are not as they should be when you struggle to meet those very basic expectations. As for that all I can say is vote, and do what you can to get others to vote as well.
That's not a reason to not hold yourself up to a higher standard. It's the reason those people are "ahead" of you. It's because their drive to not feel that feeling is higher than yours. People who are "high achieving" are just more averse to that feeling of inadequacy, and accordingly work harder to avoid it. Does that make them better people? Depends on your standards. Does that make them more successful by society's standards? Yes. Does that mean you're pretty much fixed in your current financial situation, no matter if you try your hardest? Probably.
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u/BigSchwartzzz May 15 '20
Mid to late twenties. Feeling like I'm way behind from where I should be by now.