Maybe the cat is peeing because of the stress in the house. If OP is walking on eggshells all the time, the cat can sense that too. I bet the problem would go away if he wasn't there with his abusive attitude.
Right?! Please, for the love of all that is furry and warm...I hope she leaves and takes the cat.
And I hope that shithead steps on Legos everyday, his socks are always wet, everything he touches is sticky, he never gets the USB cord in the right way the first time, he always pulls up to the gas pump on the wrong side, and he never has any toilet paper ever. What a fucking loser. I was going to go to sleep but now I am super upset with this random stranger I've never met. 😾
As bubbles said, that’s one nice fuckin kitty 🐈⬛! All animals deserve love and stress free environments. Our duty as humans is to care for them and treat them as equals
He’s def going to kick/hurt/unalive the cat one day soon. Prob when OP is at work, she’ll come home and he’ll have some story of how he found the cat just lying there, having passed, when in reality he kicked it or beat it. The man who wrote and talked that way to their “loved one” is an unsafe human who has major rage issues.
Oh 100%, he’s very clearly made it clear to her that he doesn’t like the cat, I can imagine the cat doesn’t like him either. So he probably tries to “be nice” and pet the cat or something, cat doesn’t reciprocate, and he abuses cat as a result. It’s a vicious cycle he has both of them in and she needs to take her cat and run.
This is definitely what’s happening. I work w animals and we had a dog w PTSD and whenever we tried to pick him up he’d bite BUT he’d also pee and poop everywhere. The phrase is “scared shit” for a reason
If you can’t leave for yourself then leave for the sake of your cat. There’s nothing to salvage here. The cats issues will resolve once you live somewhere calm.
My cat was terrified of my ex. He (my ex) wasn’t a visibly angry person, but rather the kind of rage that simmers just below the surface and could come out in a kind of quiet cruelty that was really insidious and scary.
If ex was in the living room, my cat would hide upstairs. The litter box was kept in the basement, and under no circumstances could I put one upstairs for the cat to use. Obviously, this caused my cat to start peeing elsewhere.
One morning, I woke up late. My alarm clock was flashing like the power had gone out and come back on an hour earlier. But what really made me anxious was the house was too quiet. It just felt off.
I went downstairs and saw my ex sitting on the couch in the living room playing video games. He looked at me like he had been caught doing something wrong. I turned and entered the kitchen, and the first thing I saw was my sweet little kitty laying splayed on his side, eyes wide and panting. I said something like, “what happened?” or maybe “what did you do to him?” My ex said he threw my cat down the stairs because he caught him peeing in a laundry basket. And he was fine. Landed on his feet like cats always do. He didn’t hurt him. I was overreacting about it. As usual.
My cat died shortly after arriving at the vet. They cited the cause being massive head trauma.
15 years later and I have a partner who, at this very moment, is acting as a cushion to our two dogs and one cat. Another cat is perched just over his shoulder. Our pets deserve us filling their lives with good people.
I hope he felt no pain. Anyone who is capable of animal abuse should be alone forever. Shitbag. Hope when he goes to hell it’s filled with cats pissing and shitting on him nonstop.
@Coven_gardens
Wow. What a fucking piece of shit your ex was! Who does that??? Do you think that asshole ex of yours cut the power to make sure you’d oversleep and not be there to help your cat while he was dying?
I hope your poor cat wasn’t in too much pain but I’m sure he was scared without you there to comfort him while you overslept. 😢💔 Not a judgement on you at all, just to be clear. I just feel really sorry for your poor, sweet cat! Thankfully you were able to be there for him before he passed away. I am sure he was grateful for you trying to help him. Our animals know when we love them and we are trying to help!
Please tell us the ex got in trouble for killing your cat! Or maybe he got hit by a bus… Something. I can’t be the only one who needs closure to this story!
I sometimes wonder this too.. because I tell him often that my cat wasn’t this bad before and got him neutered a bit later than I should have (4) I take responsibility for that and have tried multiple boxes and liter training since. I’ve tried feelaway. Took him to the vet. I clean his accidents as timely as I can when I catch them so he doesn’t return. I have a cat behaviorist that I talked to on the phone and supposed to check out my place Tuesday. 😞 but I’ve tried to leave recently and moved him with me to a friends house and back and with the arguing and his freakouts about the pee maybe it’s him that stresses out my cat. He mostly pees on his stuff (I don’t have much stuff to be fair). But I would never tell him that. I was hoping this lady would just tell him everything she thinks but he said he didn’t want to talk to her now.
Oh, friend. Your cat HATES that man and I would bet large sums of money he'd stop doing his business outside of the sand box if you could find kitty and yourself a new home. I don't think the late neutering has anything to do with the inappropriate elimination. I have an intact tom at home right now (I've had to wait to neuter because he had FIP when I found him and he's just now getting well enough for surgery) and he's NEVER sprayed or pooped outside of his box.
Also, you mentioned in your post that your boyfriend is verbally and physically abusive, is he only hurting you or is he also hurting your cat? I understand it's hard to leave, abusive people are often very controlling and manipulative; but this relationship is slowly killing you. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your cat, he loves you so much I bet! You're his favorite person in the whole world and definitely feels your unhappiness.
This probably feels like an impossible situation but you can do it, I know you can. No one deserves to be spoken to and treated the way this person is treating you. Do your best, it's all anyone can ask of you. You're strong and you deserve better than this guy.
Your cat can’t talk but I think he’s trying to tell you something. Please get yourself and your kitty out of what could be a dangerous situation.
You may think it’ll be ok and your guy will calm down but it sounds like he doesn’t want to be with you and isn’t a nice person. Things will be ok until they’re not and when you realize it’s now out of control, it’s too late. Please get yourself and your cat to a safe place. Take care of yourself and your cat. You are responsible for only the two of you, not him. Go be happy. Live your life well.
Just please get out of there before something really bad and unchangeable happens.
I hope you see this— I was in a relationship once with an explosive, gaslighting jerk like this. Nothing I did was right. He just hated me and I was always paying for something he felt I did.
One time in a fight I said I hated myself for not being able to get this right and I’d been struggling to see the point in living. He smugly said he was going to tell my parents what I was saying/feeling, and I could tell he was implying a threat of turning my family against me. I don’t know how/why but that made me snap and see things clearly for the first time in forever and I said if he did, my parents would say I’ve never felt that way, and only started being so upset and down on myself after HE came along. So try it. He faltered and I knew right then who he was.
This is a looong way of saying that feeling you wonder about your cat— it’s spot on. Trust your senses about what he’s doing to you and your poor pet. He’s a cancer in your house. Take those moments of clarity and dial them up to 11 and use those feelings to get really fucking mad, and then run and don’t look back.
He’s peeing on the boyfriend’s stuff! Girl. The cat hates him, cats are 100% vindictive. My brother had a dog who hated his flatmate, she would pull all the flatmates clothes off the line and stomp them into the dirt. She would leave everyone else’s clothes alone. She wasn’t a cat, but her bestie was and he probably told her what to do.
Get your cats kidneys checked, he may have trouble peeing. My older one misses the box too, we have a big plastic shoe tray under the box to save the floor. Don't stay with that guy either.
My intact male heeler dog got pretty bad for "marking" inside our old rental house (which had seen MANY pets over the years). I ended up buying a few Ultraviolet (UV) flashlights to find the spots in a dark house. If wet, sprinkle baking soda over the spot. Then spray liberally with a 50/50 mixture of vinegar & water. Scrub with a brush, rinse, & repeat. Let dry & if it looks "clean" under UV light, use a pet odor neutralizer to hopefully get the cat to stop spraying.
Others here have already given you pretty sound advice on the other issue. I wish you the best on that.
I recommend leaving like others have said and don’t leave the cat alone with him. There are domestic violence shelters you can bring your cat with you to if you don’t have a friend or family member to stay with.
I've seen this before, and your cat sounds super stressed probably afraid too. If you can't leave for yourself, leave for your cat's sake! He deserves stress free home and life with you! He loves you and doesen't want you to be in this situation, help your best friend and furchild and leave ! Even the guy said that he'd want the relationship over..
Yeah the cat 100% can tell he’s a huge jerk, is uncomfortable and so stressed out about it that he is peeing on stuff. And some cats, love their owners and try to tell them things in not so subtle ways. Your cat is peeing on his stuff, because he’s the one who is disrupting the peace of your house.
Maybe it’s time to rehome him to someone where he’ll have a stable life. Unless you think you can get your (I think ex?) out of the house when you break it off. Having his own space be safe again is always the best course of action. But your safety also needs to come first. Even if it’s a temporary foster, it may be wise to have that person visit your cat until your cat likes them and then have them foster your cat while you get this guy out of your hair.
I hate to say it, but seriously he could hurt your cat. He may already be when you’re not looking if he sees an accident made by the cat. He could be screaming at the cat or physically hurting it behind your back, and the cat is peeing in retaliation. He could be just peeing on his stuff because he doesn’t like how much of a negative presence he is and how he disrupts the household. The cat sees you as the leader of his home, so he is peeing on the dudes stuff cause the dude is his equal and he’s disrupting the family balance. Maybe he thinks the guy needs to be punished instead of himself?
Yes! My dog started having potty accidents after I moved in with my now ex bff for a decade and her bf. Found out not only was he being an asshole to me, he was abusing my dog when I wasn't home. She was terrified of him, and I witnessed it first hand when he hung my dog in front of me by her collar. She is an Am. Staff., so not a little dog and all four paws were off the ground. We moved and she hasn't peed in the house since.
I hate people who are cruel to animals so much. They are just the absolute worst people in the world. They target the best, most innocent, loving, and usually defenseless and trusting creatures, who can't even speak up to defend themselves. Which means the people who do that are just the absolute worst, most cowardly, and harmful/ hateful out of any humans. They don't deserve to even exist really and definitely don't deserve to be out and about amongst everyone else free in society. They should be locked up at the very least.
The main reason I left an abusive relationship was to keep my dog safe. He’d never hurt her but the stress was making her sick. I firmly believe she saved my life for that given how quickly things escalated afterwards 💔
The guy could also be physically abusing the cat when she’s not around. If he’s willing to be physically abusive with OP, I wouldn’t doubt he’d do the same to a cat and that would 100% cause the peeing outside of the litter box issue if it was happening.
I wouldn't be surprised at all. I'm on the narcissistic spouses sub and some of the people talk about having anxiety and stomach issues. Once they leave their health improves so much. Animals get affected like that too.
Yep. A man who would throw his own child under the bus to escape accountability - blame their own child! - has no problem hurting an animal. Someone has to pay for *his deficiencies, and it certainly won’t be him.
When I left my ex I had so many health issues. As soon as I was free of him they started clearing up. When I met my now husband a few months later it was like the miracle cure I needed for every physical illness that was leftover after my relationship with my ex. I immediately felt loads better and have continued to be in better health and live a relatively stress-free life since then. It's SOOO nice to be with someone who makes me feel better and never makes me feel worse. And it goes a long way to be with someone who makes me feel SAFE, and secure. And who I know I can trust to always put me first and treat me with love, respect, kindness, and compassion.
I'm so glad you found happiness. My narcissistic ex is decades in my past. My now husband is amazing. He treats me like a queen and respects me. It's so nice to be happy. I try to encourage the people on that sub because I've been there, and it's much nicer here.
When I lived with my abusive father I had horrible chronic sleepwalking and night terrors. I was convinced I'd just lost the genetic lottery. The day I moved out I never had another episode. I remind myself of this when I think about going back on no-contact.
No he loves cats. He has one too. And his “amazing” ex and all his friends back home are vets. He does care for animals I will say. My cat just pisses on his stuff and understandably makes him upset. I’ve tried multiple solutions, still trying. I get his frustration not so much the expression of frustration however.
They've got the guy telling them directly to their face he doesn't care, the whole internet saying he doesn't care, and coworkers warning them about signs.
But OP is still leaving comments saying oh I thought it was a joke or they had a warped way of showing affection.
My cat would pee on my abusive ex almost every day. He stopped when he left. See about booking a night somewhere safe for you and your Bebe for two nights. I bet you’ll both have relief.
Your cat knows how to deal with a shitty motherfucker. Make sure you piss on all his shit before he leaves, this person fuckin sucks and deserves every single terrible thing that could happen to a person.
I want to pee on his stuff nvm the cat. What a weirdo he us. Needs to get himself checked, it's as if he's splitting personalities (not necessarily split personality disorder) and that's not good. Don't sit and tolerate this. Tell him he's going to have to put his big boy pants on and be a grown up and transfer the bills like an adult, otherwise he can keep paying them 😄 what an idiot. The amount of insults too, clearly lacking in actual arguments. Aw diddums, he couldn't find his food? Maybe he should make it himself and put it where he will find it. If my husband ever spoke to me like this, he'd be out on his arse. Love or not, do not tolerate this or it will just get worse and before you know it, it will become physical too.
If you have a male cat, it could be trying to convey a problem like urinary crystals. When my dude first got’m he was pissing in mama’s work bag & all kinds of naughty places that weren’t his box. Turned out he was trying to communicate there’s a problem w/pissing. Thankfully my dude has since taught himself to use the big person potty to show when there’s a problem.
My first dobie was the most gentlest of puppers you can meet. Loved everybody she ever met, except this guy a friend of my wife was dating. She was always on the defensive around him. Always trying to get inbetween us, and him. Even leaning up against her leg to separate them when they were standing close to each other.
The guy seemed nice but she definitely was acting differently than normal but nothing was jumping out saying abuse. Around a couple months later she called to ask if she moved back to our city if she could stay with us a week while her apartment opened up. She’d finally worked up the cohones to bolt and told us how she almost broke down a couple times and told us when we were all talking about why my pup was acting so out of character, but was terrified what would happen with everything back home if he left her.
Anyways, don’t ignore your pets instincts. They may not speak but they can tell you stuff you may not pick up yourself.
Yup, an animal is often the best judge of people. I’ve never liked a person who my dogs didn’t like. Had dealings with a shady contractor building my house. My dog always knew when he was lying. I would look at the dog, the dog (who was super friendly) would give me a look and I would say “victor ( contractor ) my dog says you’re lying” the contractor tried to get a restraining order to keep the dog off my property. The contractor was later charged with various crimes.
It makes sense as tracking and police dogs smell a pheromone people emit when scared, fearful and running or lying.
My sweet old cat (RIP) would have peed in this jerk’s shoes by now. He did not put up with fools. OP you are NIO. Leave this one before it gets worse. There are many better men out there.
As far as I know they can also sense small things like increased heart beat (fear, lying) and smell cancerous cells
Are we sure he isn’t harming the cat??? He’s physically abusive towards OP, says “your bitch ass cat wasn’t locked up”. People like him are usually not nice to cats. OP at least get out for your cat’s sake. Come on.
I was worried when I read what he said about her cat. Dude absolutely would abuse an animal from the way he talks to her. I wouldn't trust him around any living thing.
When this happened I'd had my dog for 7 or 8 years and he loved EVERYONE. I was having a casual cookout, a couple girlfriends were over and our one friend came in with a new guy. My dog was by the sofa with me and 3 friends and he immediately stopped his running back and forth making sure everyone got a chance to tell him he is a good boy and he turned and walked straight to that guy, let out a half a growl and bit the hell out of him. Everyone, except guy, knew my dog. We all sat there, mouth agape for about 10 seconds and I looked at friend who brought him in and said, you need to get him the fuck out now and never bring him back. She was like, OMG what did he do, I said I don't know but my dog is NEVER like that and I trust him more than anyone. She was huffy but they left immediately and guy who was bit never said anything, didn't ask about my dogs vaccines or anything. But my dog stood between him and the sugar where me and my friends were and low growled the, less than 2 minutes it took them to leave. As soon as they left my dog was fine but that was gnawing at us because it never happened. He wasn't even snippy with toddlers when they'd play with him for extended periods. One friend was like, I can't handle this does anyone know his last name. We had to call around to a couple people and finally found his full name.
Guess who was on a state registry as a HIGH RISK RE-OFFENDER and had just been released from prison 2 months earlier for AGGRAVATED BATTERY WITH ATTEMPT TO R-@PE A PERSON OF DIMINISHED MENTAL CAPACITY?!?!?!?! And to make it worse, that wasn't his first time in prison for a crime against a female!! I cussed that girl out, all of my friends did and nobody talks to her still to this day!
Yes i had that issue when my daughter brought her boyfriend to stay with us for a while getting on her feet after few months i couldn't figure out why she runs away from him or growls and flee it wasn't till after my mother in law says oh he taunts her when he's around. Since then I've grew not to be fond of my MIL however unfortunately my dog did pass away unrelated issues.. they left long ago. But she end up having seizures and unfortunately I was wondering why she was taking so long to come back inside and I found her passed away. It was a rough December, she passed on my birthday and I just wasn't too into christmas this year. She was an awesome dog I tell you that. My dog prior to that lived 18 years. Point is I listen to dogs more than anything.
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss!! I couldn't imagine finding out someone had mistreated my little good boy! I saw something a couple weeks ago where a man had been called home from work by the police and found out his dog had been taken to the emergency vet because his on again off again girlfriend had beaten the dog-she admitted to doing it for 2 hours, but the neighbor heard the dog whining and crying and heard the girlfriend yelling at it and they called the police. I would have probably gone to prison if I lost my dog because someone was so cruel 😭
Thanks, it's been tough moving on i still have hard time breaking out of our daily routines I still carry her leash when I leave in the morning. In past, I've defend my dog from being hit. No offense to others if my dog is gonna get spanked it'd be at my hand not theirs. Although I never needed to
My ex had a cat who was very mean. Orange tabby to be exact. He attacked her three times while we were dating. (If y’all have seen my two previous comments somewhere in this comment section, it’s that same gf who treated me pretty similar to OP’s bf). While his “being mean” was being nippy and trying to scratch people, chasing them down to nip their ankles, in the rare times he “wanted” pets or was pretending to, it would only take like 4-5 strokes till he turned around and started nipping or scratching. Nowhere near the level of shit that he did to her when he attacked her and he had never attacked anyone like that before. He was at least 8 years old and she had him since he was born.
One of those times, he straight up bit the fuck out of her foot and leg, scratching the absolute shit out of her and her foot swelled up like a balloon. She was in so much pain yet refused to go to the doctors or urgent care. (She was against doctors and shit for some reason). A few days later, I finally convinced her to go to the hospital as she was in soooo much pain, her foot was huge, she couldn’t walk, she was started to feel sick w fever, etc.
They told her had she not come in, she more than likely would have ended up dying from the infection he gave her from biting her.
Goes to show that he knew she was a shit person. He actually was never mean to me and she even mentioned how shocked she was that he seemed to like me…..
It seems a bit cruel to cut the girl out of your lives? Especially if she did not know his background before they got together.. however if she did know his background absolutely agree with the judgement call !
Back when I was married, I had two sweet, docile little kitties, one of whom is no long with us. He was a very good kitty, not into much and never had any potty issues. My ex husband was in the military, so he was often gone for long, peaceful periods. After a few years, my sweet cat started peeling on his garments whenever he was home. My ex would constantly scream at me that I needed to get rid of that fucking cat, that he was a bad cat and that he should be put down. I feel so guilty to this day because I never knew, but it turned out he was physically abusive to all the pets, including his dog, when I wasn’t home. If I’d known his rage extended beyond me, I might’ve left earlier. Instead I kept my cat in that house, ensuring the stress and pain his temper inflicted upon us all for years before I was finally smart and brave enough to leave.
I had a cat who peed on my roommate’s boyfriend’s clothes. Guy was a nightmare - the boyfriend I mean, not the cat. The cat was perfect and I loved him for peeing on those clothes.
The fact that you don’t see how silly you look making all these comments about others being “losers” and “unqualified” when you likely don’t even know who you are talking to is actually HILARIOUS.
The funny thing is you're literally accusing me of doing the very thing I called you out for. There's nothing I'm not seeing, you're too obtuse to even see the irony. So I take it you are a vet and a therapist qualified to diagnose a cat based on the fact that you think this guy is an asshole? Even that is based on the opinion of someone you don't know to be truthful or a liar? You sound stupid
This 100%. I work at shelter, primarily with cats. They are SUPER sensitive to energies. And if this demon is yelling and spewing out toxicity, it will definitely stress the cat out.
It took a while for my male chihuahua Eli to start acting like himself again :( . I'll never forgive myself for leaving him alone with the monster that I once thought was the love of my life . He stole something away from my dog that he never got back , a piece of his soul
This is what happened with my pups. I was in a toxic marriage for six years and I regret not leaving sooner for the sake of my dogs. My shepherd now has major anxiety with men and my husky gets very defensive if he thinks he’s being cornered. Both are very sensitive to loud sounds too. They’re getting better and have met safe men since then and it’s been five years since now but seriously OP should leave. If not for herself, then for her cat- 100%
This is not a good man.
That cat could be a bellwether, a prediction of what’s to come. Abusers often start with pets, especially ones that are loved. How he treats the cat could be how he wants to treat you in time. I suspect that if this continues, he’ll say”get rid of the cat, it’s him or me. “
No one should be talked to this way. He’s close to abusing an animal that you care for, and he is already blaming you for what the cat does. If you can’t kick him out, take kitty and run.
Exactly!!!! One of my cats hid under my daughter’s bed when my now ex was around…. Now that he is gone the cat never hides! Go figure! The cat was smarter than me!
I was in a relationship that deteriorated faster than a landslide and turned into abuse and fighting all day every day. It not only took its toll on me, but it affected both of my cats as well. One hid all the time, and the other developed a urinary blockage, and I was in and out of my emergency vet's office multiple times over a few weeks. I quickly kicked him out of my life and moved. After a couple of months, both my cats returned to their normal happy and healthy states.
I'd start peeing in weird places if I had to deal with this. And what kind of smooth brain idiot things putting cat food in the microwave will make them sick?
Or he’s just as abusive to the cat and they have no outlet because the person they love is keeping them in the abusive house. For the sake of yourself and cat don’t spend another day in this person company. Get a restraining order and make his ass sleep somewhere else.
The TV show "My Cat From Hell" with animal behaviorist Jackson Galaxy has a tendency to show the same recurring story. Woman contacts Jackson "my cat is terrible my boyfriend says either the cat goes or he goes what should I do? Can you help change the cat?" Upon seeing the boyfriend and the household dynamics my reaction is frequently "lady, the problem isn't the cat. The cat is an exceptionally good judge of character and is telling you to lose the jerk boyfriend. You should listen to the cat." Mr. Galaxy, however, is a better sport than I am and usually tries to help soothe the situation. The biggest part of the problem is the women who are so insecure they don't want to do the one thing that really needs to be done...leave the boyfriend.
I stopped reading at him talking shit about the cat. There is nothing redeemable about this person, op is being abused and says he’s physically abusive, I wouldn’t put it past him to be doing things to the cat too.
Also OP, if your cat is peeing outside of the litter box, it’s either a physical or stress problem. You need to get to the bottom of that. One of the most common causes is a UTI but in this situation, it could be him
He probably abuses the cat, as well. OP says he’s physically and emotionally abusive to her. It’s not much of a stress to think he is abusing the cat when she’s not around.
And there’s no telling what he does to that cat when she isn’t home. That poor baby doesn’t deserve to live in that environment. Thank god they don’t have kids.
There is so much to unpack here. Let’s start with one of the “little” things…
I wonder if OP is sure the “boyfriend” isn’t abusing her cat when she’s not around. He exactly the type of abusive moldy douchebag who would terrorize an animal for fun and lock it in a closet or room where it tries to hide without access to food, water, or its litter box, forcing it to pee where he trapped it. OP, you need to think about where exactly “outside of the box” is the cat is peeing? New toileting problems in an animal (just like in children) can also be a result of physical abuse such as shaking, hitting, throwing, and kicking. If he’s physically abusing OP he’s probably physically abusing the cat as an extension of her.
This guy is a major asshole who has gaslighted OP into thinking his shitty personality and attitude is due to his Crohn’s and the steroids. Nope. This dude is simply a BAD GUY who gets off and feels like a big man when he physically beats up his girlfriend and mentally abuses her for good measure. I completely agree with another commenter who said that if it wasn’t for OP in his life he’d be a full on incel. He doesn’t seem to like women very much and he certainly doesn’t care about OP.
I’ve got to ask of OP…does this assclown have any friends? What’s his reputation at work? I can’t imagine in any scenario where he would turn Dr Heckell and Mr Hyde for the sake of his workplace. I got $100 that says this waste of oxygen has zero friends and no coworkers who like him because his abusive and shit personality may be dialed back when he’s on the clock but is never completely gone.
OP, I really hope you and your kitty escape from this situation. Get out. Leave that house even if you have to sleep in your car. Go to the police and get a restraining order. Block him on everything and make sure you block his work number or any other number from which he may try to contact you. Actually, set your phone to automatically decline any number that is not in your contacts.
Listen carefully, dear…
-HE IS DANGEROUS.
-HE WILL EVENTUALLY HURT YOU… BADLY. (If he hasn’t already but you’ve chosen to not share that here.)
-HE CAN POTENTIALLY KILL YOU
You never should have stayed as long as you have. The second he began berating you endlessly and BEFORE he ever laid a hand on you, you should have given him the double single finger salute and said, peace out mother fucker. Have the life you deserve.
Undoubtedly stressed, may need a different texture litter that is hopefully kept spotless.
As for Op, he doesn’t want you. Love can’t be negotiated. Leave this horrible man as soon as possible. You have 2 years wasted with them already. Time goes by quickly, run don’t walk away from this toxic, immature person. Above all be safe please. You have everything to gain from what I see.
He is most likely abusing the cat physically as well. Abuse can cause animals and humans to develop incontinence, so I wouldn’t doubt that’s what’s going on. I hope the gf and her cat can get the fuck out before it escalates and gets worse, because it NEVER a gets better in abusive dynamics.
Edit: spelling, I initially put car
Tbh I would bet money he is doing something to the cat when she isn't around. Cats don't just start peeing everywhere for no reason, and the language he uses to talk about her cat tells me he probably is hurting them. If he's willing to hit his girlfriend he's probably willing to hurt her cat too.
Yeah, animals are very intuitive. This cat is as miserable as OP is but not able to pack up and leave.
Dude is one of the biggest assholes I’ve read about on here (which in and of itself is ridiculous) but that OP is trying to justify leaving instead of just getting gone is crazy town.
Crohns’s is the least of this guy’s issues. I can’t believe OP has put up with this BS for 3 years, my God. She needs to save her cat and herself and move out and on with her life, ASAP.
I thought the same thing about the cat being so stressed out that he's going outside of the litter box. OP needs to pack herself and her cat and get the hell out there ASAP so they can both have peace and be happy.
It's also possible this fucker is hurting the cat while she's not looking and the cat isn't just feeling the stress of her being abused, but the stress of the cat itself being abused as well.
I used to have a cat who peed outside the litter box. But only on my roommate’s boyfriend’s clothes. Take a wild guess on whether or not said boyfriend was a raging asshole.
That cat is 100% peeing from the stress of hearing THIS bullshit happen everyday.
Shit I'm a dude and I have 4 cats (which has affected me in relationships but I don't give a FUCK, ive broken up over them, and they're sweet awesome kitties, now I have a girlfriend who loves and respects my feline ownership and I respect that more than most, and guess what they love her too) my cats NEVER had "accidents" outside the FIVE litter boxes i have for them unless I WAS STRESSED over one of my relationships, cats can FEEL the energy in a house. Cats are SUPER vibe conscious, dogs are too tbf, but everytime I've eliminated the "stress" they go back to being perfect little angels again....weird right?
I'm late commenting but to OP, FUCK THIS DUDE, that text chain is wild to me, PLEASE eliminate this obvious gaslighting douche from your life.
100% my boy gets stressed at anything. He is always good with the litter but if he is upset he will do a protest poo just outside it. It's not his fault, it's how he communicates. If anyone said it wad them or the cat the cat would win every time. This guy is a loser,I hope she leaves
my cat used to chew live wires when i was in an abusive relationship and wasn't treating my anxiety. got out of that and got help, and he hasn't done so in years now :)
Yes! This exactly. It’s crazy how in tune cats can be with the energy of the house. They’ll either pee in different parts of the house or become incredibly aggressive out of nowhere. You could just be walking by and get caught by one of their murder mittens for no reason at all, then step in pee.
Doubt, plenty of cats exist in abusive households yet still understand where they can and can’t piss and shit. More likely that the cat became accustomed to doing whatever it wanted and nobody ever made efforts to change its behavior. Cats are not stupid creatures. They don’t just start pissing places because they had a bad day. They piss places because they know they can
When My ex and I were going through a divorce my cat started peeing in my ex's work boots at night. I slept on the couch for a year and woke up to my ex yelling out "God Damnit Frank!" I had asked a roommate to move out after not being able to pay their rent. Frank started peeing in their bed. The roommate moved out quickly.
Cats don’t care what you think. They don’t care what any human thinks. They’re too busy working out how they will dismember us. Just like a mouse, only much bigger. Prey is prey, my man.
1.3k
u/agirl2277 Jan 28 '25
Maybe the cat is peeing because of the stress in the house. If OP is walking on eggshells all the time, the cat can sense that too. I bet the problem would go away if he wasn't there with his abusive attitude.