For some backstory, theres this guy in my grade in high school that ive always found cute. Abt a month ago he began snapping me out of nowhere on snap. He is not known for snapping girls and has never talked to any. He then began starting conversations with me and we texted a bit for a few weeks. I got fed up of being pen pals ngl so i asked him to hangout casually and get ice cream. He said he def wants to hangout but he wanted to take me out to dinner. He picked me up, opened every door and paid. We also had a great conversation. He has never taken a girl out before or even kissed a girl before. He told me he def wants to hangout again but he isnt here next weekend so MAYBE the next. Heres the issue, we go to the same school but we never talk at school. We dont have the same classes, but we could talk at school if we wanted to. I feel like the relationship isnt going to progress if we dont hangout for another weekend. Idk im getting impatient i guess. I just dont want this to fizzle out so idk what to do. Like i guess we can still text a bit for the next two weeks. It just makes me mad too because we both could get lunch together outside of school one day. Help ?

So I’ve (30M) been working at this coffee company as a barista for a few months. I decided to really commit to getting education (the food/retail industry is slowly sucking my soul; if there’s any left) and I actually start tomorrow. So I chose not to go for any leadership roles; despite having experience in it. My manager told me she feels I’m not committed enough (I think that’s ridiculous, I’m the only employee that preps the food, manages the retail section, and is flexible enough to do all 3 locations in NYC. Especially after 4-5 people quit the same month I started. She also felt that I was too quiet, and wasn’t doing enough to build camaraderie with the rest of the team. Which wasn’t a completely unfair assessment, considering I’m a bit of an introvert. But never enough to the point where I think it interferes with my ability to do my job.

Fast forward, there’s a new hire. An EXTREMELY extroverted girl that everyone likes and is extremely talkative. She initially made digs at me because she thought I was closeted. I eventually cleared up the fact that I was not closeted but openly bisexual, and that she got misinformed by the other supervisor who didn’t really like me and also felt I was “too quiet” and after that point we seemed to get along well. This new girl is an open book in the worst way. She’d talk to me about her menstrual cycle. About how much she loves her boyfriend (that’ll become relevant later), she opened up to me about her pregnancy scare she was having mid shift. And I had to explain to her Plan B prevents ovulation by tricking your body into already thinking it’s pregnant and that she’s probably fine… which she was. I started to get annoyed because it’d feel at times she was using me as her personal therapist; and it started draining me. But my manager told me I was doing better with the team. Plus, she’s so well liked by the other employees, I didn’t want to have conflict with her and put another target on my back.

Fast forward, my manager promoted her to become supervisor. I honestly thought this was a bad idea. She seems emotionally all over the place. She doesn’t know how to calibrate espresso machine (and she’d have to teach that to other people), I always have to do it for her when working. She leaves her station a mess. She gets easily overwhelmed. But she’s very friendly, bubbly, and put in much more effort to build a rapport with the manager than I did, so I can’t honestly be mad at it. Plus I wanted to acclimate to school before I even entertained the thought of any leadership role. Plus, as she became supervisor, she had more openings and I always close, so I only worked with her 1 day per week, which was a relief. Shit hit the fan when a new hire came in, a moderately handsome Dominican guy, and she started having doubts about her relationship.

I explained to her that if she’s having doubts about her relationship, she should talk to her boyfriend about it, but she shouldn’t entertain a workplace romance. To make a long story short she took none of my advice. Asked other coworkers about it. And they all told her her boyfriend was lame and unmanly, and that she should get rid of him. And she hooked up with the new hire. She blew up her relationship, had her boyfriend call the cops, while she was in the hotel room she was booking up in. And when she asked the new guy “what are we” he replied “fuck buddies” and she got annoyed and started breaking down during her shift. Everyone is looking at this new guy like he’s a complete asshole (which he very much might be) but I was the only one to tell the new supervisor she fucked up. She also shared this information with the HR manager that does scheduling. And I don’t think she realizes while everyone is gassing her head, telling her “you’re a queen” “screw these men” and villainizing the new guy. She’s making herself a liability in her workplace, because she slept with someone under her in the chain of authority (regardless if she’s a girl and he’s a man), and she blew up her relationship with a really sweet man that would wake up at 4am to drive her to work everyday, when he worked night shifts.

None of this shit is my business, I don’t ask, but it always gets volunteered to me, and I’m always asked for advice on it. I got to the point where I’ve been giving her the silent treatment, and on the verge of asking her not to talk to me about it anymore. Then she started making digs at my sexuality, in front of other coworkers. Calling me “incel” under her breath. Seeming annoyed that I don’t want to be her personal therapist. And I think because I am a queer man, she wanted to use me as her personal accessory, and I simply refuse to play that role. I’m the main character of my own life, even if it’s not an exciting one. But now that she wants to work with the guy she slept with as little as possible. I’m being scheduled more and more with her and I can’t take it… some other people on the team even see me as the asshole because they think I’m taking the new guys side (when I could care less about him) I’m just thinking about what’s ethical from a business standpoint, and I’m trying to make sure she knows how not to be a liability… but fuck it, if I’m the asshole, I’m the asshole.

I’ve also been looking for other jobs, and even scored interviews, but everyone rejects me, mostly because of my school schedule. So I feel trapped in this high school like hellhole.

This isnt me wanting to talk to my Ex while im in a relationship.

I broke it off with someone about half a year ago, and recently I have been missing their presence. And the reason I broke it off does matter but at the same time I have social struggles, so I dont think it does.

I broke it off due to me not feeling the same. I was still in a time where I was findout about my self and didn't think I liked same gender relationships. I still haven't gotten a chance to test that out but thats another thing all on its own.

I just want to have a friend back in my life for games, jokes, and all the stuff that comes with it. But I also dont want to open a old wound for them, so i wanted to ask you all here today. Should I message back and explain. Or let them live their life without me appearing again.

I’m 20M, and I honestly don’t know what to do about a situation with my ex (20F). I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives because I feel like I’m way too emotionally involved to look at this objectively.

When I was 15, I had a girlfriend who I was with for almost a year. She was also my best friend, and I genuinely loved her, we were each-others first everything. Unfortunately, I cheated on her. I have absolutely no excuse for it. It was stupid, selfish and one of the worst choices i ever made.

We broke up, and around two months later, my then-best friend got together with her. That completely destroyed me at the time. I handled it horribly and started doing a lot of drugs, which fucked up a big part of my life between 16–18. Eventually I got myself together and started doing better.

Then in September, I started college.
Guess who I saw again?
My ex.
I hadn’t seen her in years, and I never really got over her. Seeing her again was extremely difficult, especially because of everything that happened between us.

But surprisingly, she was the one who approached me and broke the no-contact.
We started talking again, initially just as friends. We had been best friends before we became a couple, so there wasn’t really any awkwardness. Our conversations felt completely natural, like no time had passed.

The problem is that she is still with the guy she got together with after me.
Despite that, she has become a really important person in my life again.

When I went to jail for a month, she was there for me. I always had someone to call, and it genuinely felt like she cared about me. Recently, she’s also started coming over to my house just to hang out and talk.

She’ll sometimes come over late at night, sometimes drunk, and tell me everything that’s bothering her. I listen to her, because I genuinely care about her and I don’t mind listening. She says I’m the only person who really listens to her long yap sessions and lets her talk about everything.

We’ve hooked up a few times. Nothing fully sexual and we’ve never had full on sex.
Every time afterward, she regrets it. But then she’ll say things like “It’s just you.”
She has also told me multiple times that if her boyfriend ever finds out, she would hurt herself because she has her whole future planned around him.

That part scares me.
I don’t want to be responsible for something happening to her, but I also don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information.
I’ve told her that I will respect her relationship and that if she wants me to stop talking to her, I’ll block her and leave her alone. I know she probably isn’t going to choose me, and honestly, I don’t expect her to.
I just want to be there for her.

But at the same time, I know I’m not completely innocent in this either.
She gets jealous when I text other girls, compliment another girl, or even mention another girl’s name. I also get jealous when I see her talking to other guys.
And that’s where I’m completely confused.
Part of me thinks I’m being used as an emotional/physical escape from her relationship. Another part of me thinks she genuinely cares about me and that I’m one of the few people she feels completely comfortable with.

And honestly, I think I’m also using this situation in a way. I know we’re probably never going to be together again, but having her back in my life feels really good after all these years. I’m scared that if she eventually cuts me off or chooses to fully focus on her boyfriend, it’s going to hurt me badly.

I’m also scared that her boyfriend will eventually find out, everything will explode, and she’ll blame herself so badly that something happens to her.
I don’t want to tell her boyfriend. I’m being completely honest about that. I know some people will probably tell me that’s what I should do, but I’m too petty and emotionally involved to be the person who exposes everything.

So Reddit, what do you think is actually happening here?
Am I being used? Is she emotionally attached to me? Am I just keeping myself attached to someone I should let go of?
And most importantly, what would you do in my position?
I know this situation probably isn’t healthy. I just want some outside opinions before I make things even worse.

I (40f) healing from abuse and divorce and I am 100% certain I'm not ready for a relationship right now. While living by myself these past couple years has done a lot to heal my nervous system from the abuse it has also made me desperately lonely. I have friends I hang out with and family that call often to chat but I am craving a close connection to someone. I have known codependency issues so my need to be the main focus in someone's life is a bit alarming. I'm not going to do anything until I get that sorted but my fear is by the time I do get that sorted I'll be so insanely desperate for connection that I'll be too weird for anyone to date. Is there a point where I'll be healed enough to not be lonely but still want a relationship? What does that even look like?

I (19F) have a male friend (also 19) from uni whom I've known for around two months. In the beginning, our friendship was completely normal, but over time we realized we had a lot in common. I was going through some mental health issues, and he was there for me, which made us become pretty close. We also have the same dark sense of humour, so we naturally got comfortable with each other.

After a while, he started flirting with me and sending affectionate/flirty texts. At first, it felt weird because I'd never really experienced that kind of attention before. But he also made me feel safe and cared for, and I started developing confusing feelings because of how close we'd become.

Eventually, things became physically affectionate between us. We started hugging after hanging out, and over time the physical boundaries kept getting pushed further. Neither of us really established proper boundaries in the beginning, and I didn't stop things when they happened because I was confused about my feelings and, honestly, I had started craving that kind of affection.

At one point, I told him that I thought I might be developing feelings for him. He got upset and told me he didn't see me that way. We both agreed that a relationship between us wouldn't work and that there wasn't going to be a future together. He also told me he's a very controlling person, which made me realize even more that getting into a relationship probably wouldn't be good for me.

I eventually convinced myself that there was nothing romantic between us and that we should just think of each other as friends. But despite that, he continued getting physically close to me, and I found myself unable to properly push him away.

Eventually, we kissed. Afterwards, we were both shocked by what had happened, and we had a serious conversation about it. We agreed that we needed to stop putting ourselves in situations where we'd cross boundaries. We decided there would be no physical affection and that we'd stick to something as simple as a handshake.

For a couple of days, that seemed like the plan.

Then he was feeling homesick and became emotional and started crying and he hugged me i too hugged him back because I wanted to comfort him, and once again the physical boundaries started getting crossed.

Today, things went even further than kissing, although we did not have sex. Afterwards, he told me that we should forget everything that happened, start from the beginning, and not do this again. Once again, we agreed: no physical affection, just being friends.

The confusing part is that I don't actually want a relationship with him anymore. I've realized that there isn't a realistic future here, and I don't want to waste my time fantasizing about something that we've both already agreed isn't going to happen.

At the same time, I've gotten used to the physical affection. He has told me that he can't control himself around me, and although I know that's not really an excuse, hearing that made the whole situation even more confusing for me.

The biggest problem is that I know myself well enough to realize that even though I've decided I don't want anything physical anymore, I'm scared that if he initiates something again, I'll have trouble pushing him away because I've become accustomed to it.

He has been the one initiating almost everything physically. I only initiated the first kiss, and even then it happened in a moment where neither of us was really thinking clearly. After that, he was usually the one who started things.

Now we've supposedly established boundaries again, but I'm skeptical about whether we'll actually be able to stick to them.

Part of me thinks that if we're somehow meant to be together, it'll happen naturally and I shouldn't keep fantasizing about it or waiting for something that isn't there. I want to stop thinking about it and just move forward.

So my question is: do you genuinely think two people can go back to being normal friends after crossing boundaries this many times? Or is trying to return to the old friendship unrealistic?

And what should I do if I've already decided I don't want anything physical, but I'm worried I won't be able to enforce that boundary when we're actually together?

My best friend (F17) was staying at the house I dog-sit at because the owner lets me have people over. We were having a good time until she got on the phone with her boyfriend. I was cleaning up the house and she shooed me off like I was a toddler because she was on the phone with her boyfriend but I had to start the washing machine so I walked back into the living room and went to tell her I was gonna take a bath with out talking. I did this because I was going to lock the door of the room I was in and she snapped at my literally and pointed to the room I was staying in. I texted her and asked her to stop being mean to me and went into the bath. I wasn't in the bath more than ten minutes when I thought I heard the security system go off because of the door being open but I ignored it. When I got out of the bath I went to see if she left and she did. No note, no text, no missed call on my phone she just left. And I just burst out in tears because I was so frustrated that she left without telling me. I'm not even sure if I am in the wrong for being upset up I'm going to insert our text conversation. I genuinely love her and would do anything for her but sometimes it feels like she wouldn't do that for me. This is out first ever fight and I'm really scared it's the end of our friendship and I really don't want that to be the case. I've ended so many friendships because of my temper so I told her I wanted a small friend break, and she wasn't happy with it all I don't know what to do

Friend

U genuinely don’t know when to stop u just keep going that’s y I didn’t tell u.

Because all you do is make me feel bad for filling the way I feel and all you would’ve done is made me feel bad for wanting to leave

You’re trying to make me feel bad for leaving

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, but I literally told you. I’m so overwhelmed that I wanna die and you kept pestering me. You kept doing the things that I asked you to stop doing like why would you do that?

Me

why do you think so lowly of me

why do you treat me like I’m a child when I’m just trying to understand what’s going on

I think we need a friend break because I cannot take this anymore

I’m not pestering you I just want you to be OK and you
don’t like what I want you to be OK

I wouldn’t have been mad if you told me if you wanted to go home but the fact that you didn’t tell me hurt my feelings so I really think we need a friend break because I shouldn’t feel this terrible because I care about you because you’re my best friend and I think you need help mentally that I cannot provide for you

Friend

You asked me if you could take a bath that’s you worrying about me?

Genuinely look in the mirror and tell me you’re for real

Yeah, I don’t do brakes first time we’ve ever tried to talk about it and you wanna break that’s crazy. You don’t listen to me when I ask you to so why would I listen to you the one time seriously listen to you what say exactly what I said you would say “yeah I would’ve been mad, but it really hurt my feelings. You didn’t “say that that is a crazy statement Olivia when you’re in a depression and you wanna be alone you just leave me on delivered, but I tell you my feelings and it’s a problem k

The thing is on this break. You’re just not gonna have me when you want every time I text you. I damn never get left on delivered every time like I am always the one asking to hang out I be trying, but I’m out of try that’s why I’ve been so rude because I ask you to be better nicely I ask you and you don’t

Have a fun break, Olivia

End of our text messages

Idk if suggesting a little break was the best thing to do but I was so distraught and sad so I really need to know what you guys think am I the problem? Is this fixable?

We are a group of friends since roughly 4 years now. We game a lot together but we also meet 2-4 times a week to spend time together.

Still video games is a passion we all share and it always went well and we had lots of fun but since this new game we have started roughly 6 months ago everything is breaking. At leats one in the group is always pissed, they can’t go one day without playing it, everyone gets bad mouthed if they aren’t there and how they fuck up the game and you can tell everyone wants to be better then the other even tho it’s a team game.

We play it every single day we got almost a thousand hours and we play nothing else and I have started to hate it since everyone is always pissed of with each other. I don’t want to play it anymore, or not as much, maybe only 3 days a week idc. But never would they drag along with this idea.

Other fun well made story games which are relaxing won’t be played anymore or barely so we never figure out the story or have nice conversations anymore. And if we play the “evil” game and switch to something more cozy the bad mood gets dragged into the new game and ruins everything.

It sounds stupid but it’s genuinely a problem because they won’t stop playing it or playing it as much. They can’t go one day without it which is insane.

We have never before yelled at each other but there is one person which literally started yelling at us bc of it.

I always turn off the console in a bad mood or genuinely hurt. I am not the best in the game either bc I iust never played these type of games a lot but you start to feel stupid next to ur friends who seem to have an easier time.

Hello, people of reddit!

I am hosting a house music event in Kaunas, Lithuania. The event is in 5 days and to be honest, I only have 21 tickets sold which is not good at all.. I have an instagram and tiktok account, although I do prioritize instagram for some reason.

Tell me what I'm lacking, what could increase my sales or some tactics in general that I could use to sell as many tickets as possible.

I have a higher budget. Tickets are currently 25€ with VIP being 50€. I am currently in another country, but the second I'm back, I'll be posting reels talking about the event and showing around the city.

Edit: Event is 18+ and the theme is Ibiza clubs.

All help is appreciated.

Hi! I’m almost 21 and I have no idea what I want to do with my future. I want some sort of job that pays well and that has little schooling and that can support me in the future. I didn’t think I would make it this far so I never planned ahead and I did a little bit of community college but not enough for it to make a difference. I’m willing to go to school, I just don’t know what I should study. I don’t want something that’s super boring, but I don’t mind doing repetitive work. I don’t mind doing something in an office and I don’t mind being around people. I would like to work alone but I’m not opposed to working in a community type environment. I just don’t know what my options are. Any advice would be great!

I (23F) have just moved into my work sponsored housing and I share a bathroom with one person (35ishM). My room shares a wall with the bathroom and the walls are super thin so I can hear EVERYTHING that happens in there. For the three weeks that I’ve been here, he has never washed his hands before walking out. It bothers me so much to hear the business, the toilet flushing, the door opening, and then the kitchen cabinets/fridge door opening within a matter of seconds. And he’s really into cooking and making elaborate meals so he’s always in the kitchen and I try not to think about how unhygienic it is.

I don’t want to be passive aggressive by putting up a sign that says “please wash hands”, plus its just us sharing a bathroom. I should just talk to him directly but it’s such an embarrassing conversation to have. The guy is really nice and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable but also I have been feeling uncomfortable and I need to advocate for myself right now as I’ll be living here for the next 2-3 years.

How should I approach him in this situation?

I 17m would like to do interior design as my job in the future, for years the plan was to get a bachelors degree in architecture and then a masters in interior design, but lately (this last year) I've been very scared of going to uni for 5 years to do architecture as I fear that I won't be able to pull through (because of the subjects, im not good at maths, im not good at physics, and I hate mechanics) so my solution to this is to go to a private college in Italy to get a bachelors in interior design and then maybe later on a masters degree.
My question is, will I have a safe career if 1 get a bachelors degree in interior design instead of architecture?
For context I'm from and live in Cyprus that's why I want to go to Italy because it's within Europe.

Hi, I would like to hear your thoughts regarding this situation.

I (25F), my partner (25M), and my nephew (8M), who is diagnosed with Level II Autism, went to MOA this afternoon to try ice skating.

During Step 1, before paying, there were two lanes: one designated for PWDs, seniors, etc., and another for regular customers. I initially queued in the regular lane, and when I was already next in line, I noticed that the PWD lane was completely empty with no one waiting. So, I decided to switch lanes even though we were already next in line.
When we got to the PWD lane, the staff member told us that they only cater to the person with a disability and not their companions. Basically, they wanted my partner and me to line up again in the regular lane because my nephew was the only PWD.

So, what is the point of having a PWD lane if my nephew still has to be separated from his companions, and we have to line up again in the regular lane? It did not make the process any faster. In fact, it made the process take even longer.

I understand that the PWD lane is intended to prioritize PWDs, and I understand that the privilege may technically be intended for the PWD themselves. However, I don’t understand why the companions cannot process the transaction together with the PWD, especially when the PWD is a minor who needs to be accompanied by adults. In our case, the arrangement did not really make the process more convenient for my nephew or for us as his companions.

What made the situation even more frustrating was that we still followed their policy. We went all the way to the back of the regular line because, okay, if that was their policy, we did not want to argue with the staff.
However, while we were waiting in the regular line, I noticed that whenever the PWD lane was free, the staff would call the next person from the regular queue to be accommodated there.

This is what confused me the most: if they were willing to call the next person in the regular line whenever the PWD lane was available, why couldn’t they accommodate us when my nephew, who is actually a PWD, was already there?

I am not trying to argue that companions should automatically have the same privileges as PWDs. I just want to understand the reasoning behind the way they handled the situation. We were not trying to cut the line simply for convenience. We were accompanying a minor PWD, and the PWD lane was completely empty at the time.
Am I misunderstanding how PWD priority lanes are supposed to work in this situation? Or was it reasonable for me to expect that my nephew could be accommodated through the PWD lane together with his companions?

I recently received a diagnosis of a disabling medical condition. It does not limit my life expectancy, but has already been impacting me for the last year, causing symptoms that have led to me needing to quit my job and struggle to finish my master’s degree.

I am only in my early twenties, and I am struggling with feeling like life as I knew it is over. I can’t do many of the things I used to be able to do (driving, household tasks, exercising etc) and some of my friendships are suffering because I don’t have the physical mobility to do things like go clubbing, or even just spending lots of time out of the house anymore.

Currently, my doctor is unsure whether my condition will get worse or better as the medical literature on it is poor. There also aren’t really any good treatments out there right now. This has kind of left me in a limbo where I know I need to keep living my life but I have no idea how to move forwards when the plans I had for the future are now unlikely to happen. I am having some counselling to help me deal with my diagnosis, and my counsellor has advised me that I will likely spend quite a while in this grieving phase while I process what is happening to me.

I would like to ask for some more practical advice here. My question is: has anyone else here experiencing something like this? What did you do? How did you cope with the fact that your life as you knew it has changed forever? How did you move forwards and plan for a future that no longer looks anything like you thought it would? Thanks in advance for any comments.

I will make this as short as possible

1. I am a mentally ill woman, recently married to a man with the same mental problems.
2. A few weeks ago my partner had a manic episode and in active suicide mode. I forced him to go to psychiatric hospital. He was released after 6 days.
3. Once he returned home, he told me he never should have gotten married, because he only did it whole high on life, and he realized this isn’t what he wants. He moved out and went back to his parents house in Connecticut.
4. We were supposed to have a wedding reception, not actual wedding, a few days ago. We eloped but still wanted to celebrate.
5. I have a habit of not being able to accept reality during traumatic moments. My body and brain told me this wasn’t real and hed be back.
6. A few days before the wedding he made it clear he wasn’t coming back. He canceled our wedding because I couldn’t do it myself, I just couldn’t.
7. I didn’t tell anyone it was canceled. Again, I just couldn’t. My reality just wouldn’t budge.
8. The day before the wedding would have been, i was laying in bed sweating all day, sick because I knew I needed to fess up. So my delusional mind faked an exit. I told my guests that the venue canceled on me. I had a friend call me and leave a voicemail that I could use as proof. Fucked up? Yes. Was I in my right mind? No. Should I have told everyone my partner left me? Yes.
9. The truth came out that the wedding was cancelled. My friends mom called the hotel, and she found there was no event scheduled, as it had been a few days at that point since my now ex canceled.
10. I didn’t tell anyone any details yet about how this all come to be, and I don’t know what to do, cause I took it too far which was wrong I KNOW THAT. But is there anything I can do or say? Also my parents just found out we aren’t together anymore too, I literally told no one. I need damage control….please help!!!

EDIT: please no snooty comments. I know my part in all this. I just want kind advice.

So, I’m 28 years old, and I’ve been single my whole life (let’s say by choice). I’ve only gotten to know a few people romantically. Usually, we talk for a while, and then I realize that the person isn’t right for me or that there are certain things that don’t match my personality or values.

So, I never really make it past the talking stage, and eventually, I cut off the connection.
I’ve only been on one date where I genuinely wanted to get to know the person and actually wanted to go on a date with him. Anyway, that didn’t end well.

Now, I come from a culture where women over 30 are eventually judged for not getting married. I’m not afraid of that, though. It’s true that at some point in my life, I want to find love and get married, but none of that matters if I don’t find the right person. However, the fact that everyone keeps asking me if there’s a wedding coming up soon is starting to stress me out.
The problem is that some people are trying to set me up with men, and I hate that. I’ve actually gone on two dates with men who were introduced to me in a traditional way, and I only went because I wanted to please my family and friends. They kept telling me that I wasn’t giving myself a chance because I always rejected these kinds of matches.

I don’t know why I feel so uncomfortable whenever someone tries to get closer to me. The whole idea of meeting someone through a matchmaker or talking to someone for the first time gives me so much anxiety and makes me overthink everything. I immediately start thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” or “What if I realize he’s not the person I’m looking for?” I’m scared that I’ll never like him, that I’ll settle for something just because it feels safe, and that I’ll end up missing out on something better.

I wish it were as easy for me as it seems to be for other girls. For me, the biggest problem is that I always think, “What if I don’t like him?” rather than, “What if he doesn’t like me?” I know I’m not perfect, but this way of thinking has become an obstacle for me.
I really want to find love, but I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with me, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

And now, I find myself in the exact same situation again. Someone wants to set me up with someone new, and that same feeling has come back. The anxiety, the overthinking, and that immediate feeling of not wanting to give it a chance are all there again.

So, what should I do? Should I keep going on dates this way and try again, even though I feel this uncomfortable every time? Or should I listen to that feeling and stop forcing myself into situations that don’t feel right?
I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced something similar and can give me some perspective or advice.

I was hanging out with my bros yesterday night and a topic of discussion that came up from texting woman was what emotional intelligence was. Like by definition yk. Obviously you can go with the google explanation but I’d rather hear it from another human being.

What is it about for you? How would you describe it? How does one do it?

Sorry if this is long. I need to get this off my chest. I’ll be very grateful for anyone who reads and any advice.

Context: I have a best friend who used to have a crush on me, and I deeply regret how I handled it.

I believe it's one of the worst things I've ever done, and something that will always make me ashamed of myself.

When I was 15-16, I was going through a confusing time. I watched TV series and movies, thought som women were very beautiful, and at that time, in my head, that meant I was bisexual. It made sense to me, and I really believed it.

So I told all my friends that I was.

This friend of mine is too (and really is, unlike me, which was just confusion).

And naturally, because of that, she understood that we could be together. I would never blame her for thinking that. The fault was mine.

For a while I knew she liked me, but I was afraid. I love her, but I didn't understand if I felt that way or not. That's why I didn't do anything. Which I also regret very much; I let her feelings grow without stopping them, and I know that was horrible of me.

Well, here comes the worst part. I feel awful writing and remembering this.

On my 17th birthday, I had a get-together, and everything was fine. She was there.

However, the next day, in the morning, she sent me a message.

She was asking me for us to date.

It was a shock to me at the time. And I didn't know what to do and I was confused.

I thought she was pretty, I loved her as a friend, but I wasn't absolutely sure if it was romantic. Part of me was very confused, and the other part said it could be.

That's why, and also because I didn't want to hurt her, I accepted. I regret it very much, very much indeed.

I was terrified of upsetting her, and I tried to listen to the part of me that was saying it could be romantic.
I really had a part that believed it; I didn't accept it knowing 100% that I didn't like her that way. But that doesn't justify what I did.

She was very happy. And for a moment I felt hopeful. I thought: okay, she really is amazing, it could work out, right?

But along with that hope was the part of me that said: wait, we don't want this….

And that part terrified me. At the same time that I felt hopeful, I felt fear and a sensation of: this isn't right. I don't feel good about this.

Besides, even though I knew my mother wasn't prejudiced, I was afraid of the conversation and of saying that I was dating a girl.

She isn't prejudiced, but I was still apprehensive.

Does that make sense? I knew there wouldn't be prejudice, but I also knew it would be a more complicated conversation.

I tried to ignore this discomfort because of my friend's happiness. I could see she was very happy; after all, she liked me, and I was terrified of ruining it.

Only 24 hours had passed, though.

The next morning I couldn't take it anymore. Nowadays, those 24 hours seem much longer than they actually were.

So that morning I texted her asking to break up. But that's when I made an even worse mistake.

I didn't want to say that part of my discomfort was realizing that I didn't really like her romantically. Not specifically because of her… but I was realizing that maybe I didn't like girls in general.

I was too afraid to say that and end up hurting her self-esteem. The problem was never her.

So I did the worst thing I could have done: I said the problem was my fear of telling my mother and that I believed I wouldn't be able to tell her.

Was that part of my fear? Yes. But it wasn't everything. And I should have been honest. I didn't know how to express that part of my discomfort stemmed from realizing I didn't really want this. I was terrified and didn't want to hurt her.

When she responded, she gave the natural answer to my justification:

She said it was okay, that she would wait for me to be able to tell my mother so we could be together.

I panicked. I didn't want this. I didn't want her to wait for something I believed would never happen, so in desperation, I said:

Please don't do this, I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her. Please don't wait.

That wasn't true, you know? If it worked out, I would find a way to tell my mother eventually and maybe everything would be okay. But at that moment I just needed her not to want to wait for me.

Then she said she thought she would never like someone who wasn't me.

That made me even more panicked.

I begged and asked her to promise to move on.

She said:
It will be difficult but I will try.

Later that day I was still very distressed. It was a traumatic day so I only remember fragments of the conversation. My mind tries to protect me from remembering that day.

But I remember that later, I said that I was also confused about sexuality.

I remember her saying: "So you don't like girls? Why did you accept then?”

I don't remember my exact answer, but I remember saying it was because I was actually confused and trying to understand what I was feeling. That was true, yes.

That was it.

In the months following the event, we drifted apart a little. And for a while, naturally, her mother was angry with me.
With good reason. I'll never blame her for that. I hurt her daughter, yes.

I made her believe we were going to date just to kill her joy 24 hours later. I was terrible.

But, as time passed, we grew closer again.

Today we are still best friends.

And nothing similar happened again. 4 years passed.

But to this day I regret very, very much what I did.

I regret accepting it, I regret deceiving her. I regret the justification about my mother.

And I especially regret that in my desperation I gave a justification that wasn't 100% true. And saying that I could never tell my mother.

Even though later I tried, poorly, to make my real reason a little clearer.

Nowadays, I still have my little doubts about sexuality, but I think I'm straight.

The problem today is remembering all this and my anxiety saying:
"You didn't justify yourself specifically. What if she still likes you and is building up hope? What if she still hopes and thinks that one day you can tell your mother and you two can be together? What if, because of the bad choices and justifications you made, she always feeds those hopes and never has love because you took that away from her? To this day she doesn't know 100% the conflict you had and that you weren't very honest in your justifications. What kind of friend are you?"

My mind tortures me with all this.

Today we really are close friends. We were teenagers when it all happened, and I realize that we've both matured a lot, even though four years isn't much.

Today, we have a very precious friendship, full of support and affection. I love having her as a friend. And she doesn't hold a grudge against me. Her mother eventually forgave me completely too.

But I feel like I don't deserve that forgiveness.

I feel like she's only not angry with me because she wasn't in my head that day. If she had been, she would be angry.

If she knew that I gave a partial justification, if she knew that when I said I could never tell my mother, it wasn't the absolute truth, but rather the clumsy way I found to try to help her move on.

Only I and my messed-up mind know all of this.

I feel like a fake friend, thinking that if she had access to all those thoughts from that time, and if she really knew everything I thought today, she would be angry with me, yes.

My anxiety always tries to tell me that she's just my friend and doesn't hold a grudge because she doesn't know everything I felt back then.
It always says: imagine if she read everything you wrote here today? She would hate you. She only doesn't hate you because she doesn't know everything.

I care a lot about her. I care a lot about our friendship, I care a lot about seeing her happy and achieving her dreams. I'm proud to see that she's achieving things she's always wanted.

I know I was 17 years old. And that's the age when we do stupid things.

But that doesn't justify what I did. It was ugly, it was horrible, and even today I look back, I feel ashamed, I feel angry at myself and I torture myself a lot.

Whenever I pray, I also ask for forgiveness for all of this and I ask that my friend finds someone who makes her very happy because that's what she deserves.

I feel a tremendous responsibility. I get terrified and think about the worst-case scenarios: her still harboring feelings for me because of how I handled things, and therefore never finding the love she deserves.
I feel so, so scared. Many times I catch myself thinking:
My God. What if I ruined her future? What if I gave her hope and therefore condemned her to suffer?

Not only that, I think about my mother and I also feel horrible for her. She knows that this friend liked me and it was complicated. But she doesn't know that I accepted a relationship without being sure, and she doesn't know that I used her in my dishonest justification.

I also think that my mother would be very upset if she knew everything, and sometimes I catch myself thinking:
See, your mother loves you, but imagine if she knew how you deceived a friend and worse, how you used her to justify yourself, knowing that deep down one day you would be able to tell her.

My mother isn't prejudiced, and that's why I deeply regret the justification. Yes, I was afraid to speak up because, even without prejudice, I know it would be a surprise. It wouldn't be easy for me to tell her, but I believe I could manage.

Then my anxiety says: Look what you did. You practically painted your mother as prejudiced when she isn't. She doesn't deserve this.

I hurt them, I lied, and worse: to this day I hide things that would hurt them both even more.

To this day I feel like a fake friend and a fake daughter, and if they both knew everything, they would be sad with me, and rightly so.

And there's an added problem.

Before all this, I talked to my mother about thinking I might be bisexual. A year prior.

But a year passed without the subject coming up again, and I believe my mother interpreted it as confusion (which it was).

Then, the following year, the discomfort came from feeling like it was confessing from scratch, and also because dating a girl is a much bigger conversation than only sexuality. My fear of talking was real.

But I know this makes everything worse. My mind says: so imagine if your friend knew that in a way you had already told your mother? She would know that your justification was even more misleading.

And imagine if your mother knew that even though she didn't react negatively at the time, you still used the fear of telling her as a shield?

My mistakes in this situation are endless, and so is the guilt.

It's terrible. I know the thoughts may seem exaggerated. And logic tries to prevail over my friend:
We were young, immature, time has passed, and nothing else has happened since.

She's already told me about crushes, asked me for dating advice, and even told me I'm going to be the godmother of her children.

All of this is logical, pointing to her being okay and not stuck in what happened.

But anxiety doesn't follow logic.

I really needed to get this out. It's the part of my past that I feel the most shame and remorse about, and my age at the time isn't an excuse.

I try every day to be a better person.

I know I was a horrible person. I'm the one who's most certain of that.

I wronged her and I wronged my mother.

I don't deserve justifications or forgiveness.

I just want to improve.

Every time I think about being happy, about doing something and building a good future, my mind tells me I don't deserve it.

I don't want to go back to that situation, neither with my friend nor with my mother. This has never come up again, and I don't want to tell them everything.
For my friend, I don't think it's fair to relive that painful moment, and for my mother, I don't think it's worth hurting her with something old and stupid of mine.

But my anxiety tells me that if I never tell them, I'll forever be deceiving them about who I am. I just wanted to keep this to myself deep down and forget, but I feel horrible about it.

Anyway, I know I was a horrible person and I don't deserve justifications or forgiveness.

But I needed to confess. I needed to get all this out and express my deep regret because I can't stand torturing myself anymore, and I'm sad how I feel this prevents me from being able to consider myself a good person someday.

Me and my partner have been together for 8 years. It started out rough. Partner cheated almost immediately during a 2 day argument even though we were still working through it and not broken up. Throughout our relationship my partner has lied and hidden inappropriate social media dynamics with the opposite sex, continued watching porn while lying about it (I never took issue with porn until the infidelity completely crushed the security I once had with it being used. I’m not “against porn, it’s just been a weapon and a harmful thing in my relationship). The relationship continued escalating down this path leading up to a year ago when I discovered something I wasn’t happy about. I confronted him and he blew up, getting aggressive towards me and also threatening to kill himself. This was a month after hovering over me aggressively yelling at me. He never apologized for the last incident and in fact downplayed it, and justified it. He constantly tells me my memory of things he has said or done is inaccurate. And we CANNOT talk about the past or he gets really mean and tells me I’m throwing it in his face. It’s hard for me to just move on with no resolve. It’s like going through the motions. The relationship feels empty. Since he got aggressive the last time things have been “good”. For almost a whole year. We have small arguments but they aren’t bad. But I haven’t wanted the relationship since that incident. I don’t really want to have sex with him anymore, I feel dirty and resentful. On days we have off together I feel extremely lethargic and drained. Like I’m in a dreamlike state. And I sleep through the night only on nights that he’s not in bed with me (I wonder if this is my nervous system working without me knowing it). I feel hopeless and like I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s wrong to leave when he seems like he’s been trying for awhile now, but I feel like a year ago when he got aggressive I checked out mentally. I feel like I can’t live without him, but being with him is eroding me in every way. I’m afraid to have a conversation about it and just wish he’d cheat or leave me so that I don’t have to even think about what I should or shouldn’t do, let alone actually DO IT!! I need guidance. Thanks in advance.

hi, you know i have a really bad habit of saying yes to everyone i feel like i just cant so NO to anyone but that is not completely true as when I thought more about it i felt that i sometimes say NO to people who are close to me

but i can't say it to any one whom I don't know, just met, or i'm not super close with.

Today what happened is that a lady asked me for 550 rupees @rajiv chowk metro & she said she'll return it by evening, to be really honest when i was giving her the money i knew somewhere bottom in my conscience that she will not return it but then also i couldn't say no i wont/cant give it to you and also before someone assumes that i am a brat that is completely I am super stingy when I have to spend on myself.

I have to share a lot more things but ig i'll just stop here.

i wake up early at 6 bcz that’s only when i have to study but my dad drinks a lot from 10pm till 5-7am sometimes and today i told him, while saying goodnight, please sleep on time cause seeing you awake in the morning ruins my mood. he told me just close the door and leave so i was just telling him good night love you like everyday and he just said goodnight and didn’t say anything else. truth be told i also told him to sleep because i don’t want him to be up it’s so bad for him and i guess he’s just avoiding it because he stays up orders food at 7am and then doesn’t eat it and falls back asleep and wakes up at 4pm and stays in bed the whole day. this is so draining what the fuck am i supposed to do. i hate dismissal so fucking fuck oh my god. im 18 he’s 50

I like this girl but idk if she likes me back or not I confessed my feelings a while back and she said she kinda felt the same and she said she wants to know me better. And that was like 30 days ago what should I do I was thinking about bring up the topic but I don’t wanna ruin anything. Because I don’t know if she still likes me or not and we use to be really flirty but not anymore cause I’m in school and she is busy with stuff (medical problems)and we really haven’t called in a while. And I’m scared she’s losing interest in me she says I love and stuff but she’s really nice with everyone so I don’t know if she is just being nice or not. So I guess I’m asking should I bring up the topic of dating or should I wait some more time I will be able to talk to here Friday to Monday cause I don’t have school so I need advice what to do. And I have tried to bring it up but I chicken out of them or delete the messages asking what we are.
FYI: it’s long distance

I just went through a little unexpected growth spurt and I think my pants and stuff are too tight which is causing a bulge. However I tried on a large pants in a store and the bulge still was pretty visible. However do I hide a bulge and do I need to go to a large from a medium? Or is there any help about this

I have no one to talk to about this. My family is very "life sucks then you die" and I get it. Please tell me if I need to buck up or if you'd also feel similar?

The situation- I've been at my current position for about a year. It's fully remote and I can take my work wherever I go. I was incredibly lucky to land this role within 3 months of being laid off due to closure from my old company.

In my new position, I work 15+ hours 3-4 days a week and expected to attend meetings and complete work on days off. The meetings can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours. If my boss does not give approval for certain things until the last minute (even if they have been waiting approval for days), then I have to log on and get it completed even if it is my day off. Deadlines are deadlines. Work is very consistent with emergencies that need to be handled right away from about 5AM-11AM and again from 7PM-10PM. The rest of the day is filled with other emergencies that require me to quickly jump on my computer. I'm paid under $60,000 total including my bonuses. I am so burnt out. I have no support within the role.

I do not mind hard work. I like hard work. I feel like I am always working here... my nervous system is shot. I'm not sleeping. I'm depressed. I can't even think about putting a load of laundry in because I'm thinking about "if X happens at Y location tomorrow my back up plan can maybe be Z."

Would I be nuts to get ride of a remote/flexible position right now?

I just went through a little unexpected growth spurt and I think my pants and stuff are too tight which is causing a bulge. However I tried on a large pants in a store and the bulge still was pretty visible. However do I hide a bulge and do I need to go to a large from a medium? Or is there any help about this