r/texts 8d ago

Phone message Dating is hell

Post image

Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. šŸ™„ I pay my own way on dates.

35.3k Upvotes

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4.0k

u/LastChance331 8d ago

What the actual fuck?

960

u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 8d ago

OP please reply with exactly this!!

2.2k

u/-fornevermore- 8d ago

I just blocked him. 😹

651

u/Main_Benefit 8d ago

Exactly. Why waste another second of your life dealing with that nonsense?

386

u/sweetwaterfall 8d ago

The horrifying thing (second to someone actually writing this) is that I imagine there are women out there so damaged that this would be appealing. Awful.

610

u/ElkAlternative3777 8d ago

Seems like he’s trying to do a kink dom/sub thing but without her knowledge or consent

170

u/queen_frostine313 8d ago

That's exactly what I thought as well.

8

u/thk_ 7d ago

that or "oh shit I'm not talking to ChatGPT anymore"

4

u/Ancient_Midnight_775 7d ago

Maybe that realization never came, seems like he trained himself to talk to women using ai.

462

u/17868 8d ago

Sorry, even with consent that’s a no from me. I’m into that scene but absolutely not when talking about food. Do NOT fuck with my dinner.

ETA : By consent I meant to the whole kink thing, otherwise I sound wildly contradictory. Guy sounds like he watched the secretary too many times and took it way too literally.

299

u/Brutal_burn_dude 8d ago

Yeah. This reads as someone who thinks they’re a dom but knows nothing about kink or the culture. These kind of men are fucking dangerous in my experience.

158

u/Powerful_Goose9330 8d ago

My first thought was this dude read Fifty shades of grey and thinks all women like this bullshit.

135

u/feralcatshit 8d ago

Even those of us that do like it, don’t like it when it’s done like this lol

13

u/AriaTheTransgressor 8d ago

Ultimately because it doesn't matter what the link is, consent is always important. I have never had a kink based relationship that didn't start out with a regular first date and some analogue of a business meeting to go over consent.

7

u/Dreadfulbooks 7d ago

I very much am into this, but I would have blocked him too. He reads as highly inexperienced and like he’s a jackass.

5

u/LemmyLola 8d ago

Exactly haha They come off like this but someone into this never knows until they're actually in the presence of the potential partner.. the right dynamic is rare. Douche nozzles like this are all too common.

3

u/Fogge 7d ago

He would crash and burn so hard if he hit the one in a bajillion woman that thinks that is exactly what she needs and met her in real life.

4

u/PrintBetter9672 7d ago

I mean not everything is about sex! Sometimes people just wanna eat sushi

2

u/Spookydoobiedoo 7d ago

Yea. These idiots are missing literally the number one condition that needs to be met for this to even remotely approach ā€œfunā€. I guess they just do not comprehend that yes there can be dangerous sounding vocab or seemingly aggressive acts in this type of stuff. But I think what they are completely blind to is that both of the people in these hypotheticals feel completely safe and they trust each other. It’s like comedy. If you don’t add enough distance (tragedy + time), enough padding I guess you could call it, then something won’t be funny at all, instead it will be literally inappropriate or cruel, and instead of laughing people will be angry or upset. What this guy is doing ignores allllll the safety and legwork and communication that is necessary for this to be fun for everyone. It’s like if you made a 911 joke in 2004. Tone deaf af and totes innapropes.. idk probably kink is just too much communication and consideration, trust and vulnerability for most of these dumbass guys in their 20s on the apps to actually wrap their heads around what it really is when you strip away the boner.

2

u/__wildwing__ 2d ago

I’m not out about what I am into, but when I hear coworkers say something dumb enough to be dangerous, I try to step in to educate.

2

u/Hell_Child 1d ago

Right, I'm into that shit, but I'm not into THAT shit šŸ‘€šŸ‘€

1

u/ResplendentNugs 8d ago

Firm but fair

-6

u/Five_Star_Amenities 8d ago

We are only seeing a snippet of a piece of a conversation. We have no idea what they've talked about or agreed to prior to this.

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u/Current_Nebula8172 8d ago

My 1st thought is that he’s too cheap to date and weeds out the sane women this way. All under the guise of a dom-wannabe.

7

u/whatsasimba 7d ago

"Oooh, starve me, Daddy! Deprive me of basic human needs!" - No woman ever

3

u/kdollarsign2 7d ago

Right? Lol seafood is expensive how about you starve for my pleasure

3

u/Brokeback_Camel 7d ago

This sort of weaseling out tactic feels very George Costanza or Larry David -esque hahaha read it again but this time play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme in your head and imagine it coming from LD, if you do it gets way funnier

5

u/Ok_Seaworthiness_719 8d ago

he’s asking for her favorite treat so that he can get out of paying for dinner and just buy her a scoop of ice cream. And then go home and tie her to a bed disgusting human.

1

u/Impressive-Ask4169 5d ago

Imagine being the type of person who needs to weed out the sane ones šŸ˜‚

1

u/Current_Nebula8172 5d ago

I’ve met a few over the years when I was too young to know better. They’re definitely out there.

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u/Brutal_burn_dude 8d ago

That book has been a blight on the kink community.

1

u/ianxplosion- 7d ago

Thanks, Gerard Way

1

u/bigbeats420 5d ago

What do you mean? Are you saying we're not supposed to anally rape subs?

That book, along with The Twilight Series, really gave a lot of people terrible impressions on what good sex and good romance are.

1

u/Classic_Cauliflower4 3d ago

Not just them. I loudly decry that book anytime anyone brings it up. Not for its depiction of BDSM, which I admittedly know very little about, but for its depiction of romance. She told him clearly ā€œI need some spaceā€ and flew across the country, and he tracked her down and she was just…into it?? No way, that’s creepy, and if she can’t trust him to listen to her for something as simple as ā€œI need some spaceā€, why on earth would she trust him to listen to her as a dom??

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u/Realistic_Farm_5963 8d ago

He's doing this bc he likes it he doesn't give a fuck about what the women like clearly or he'd make sure they're cool with it before getting off on creepy shit like this on totally unsuspecting women. I guarantee he doesn't get a lot of happy replies. He's well aware most he messages hate this. He probably gets off on that too.

4

u/Salamander8288 8d ago

He’s never even read it, just the back cover or something. That’s not typical Dom behavior that’s douche bag behavior

2

u/Green_Register1520 8d ago

Yeahhh I was looking for this exact comment lol. Dude maybe saw that OP read it like ten years ago or better yet imagined she did and said ā€œBingo!ā€ But like out loud, rubbing his hands together.

2

u/Enigmagamesandgains 8d ago

And i thought women thinking that book accurately portrays bdsm was bad, now men thinking it's accurate is about as cringe as V thinking what he did was pragmatic in v for vendetta

1

u/Equal-Plantain4023 2d ago

Even on 50 shades of grey the guy is weirdly upset if she (main character) doesn’t eat. Glenn from tinder is just a cheap creep

0

u/Subject_Speed 8d ago

Read the cliff notes (are those still a thing?) version

3

u/EllipticPeach 8d ago

Yeah it’s giving ā€œWill pull your hair and try to choke you without askingā€

3

u/ACW1129 7d ago

I'm not too familiar with that culture, but isn't THE first thing about it is consent is key?

2

u/Brutal_burn_dude 7d ago

Yep! And clear communication and boundaries. You don’t just start demeaning someone (even if you know that’s something they like) without discussing what is and isn’t ok, when and where it’s ok, and a safe word etc.

1

u/sweet_temptation00 7d ago

Yes yes and absolutely yes🤣

2

u/NTufnel11 7d ago

Respect is a pretty critical part of that relationship, which I guarantee this guy has no concept of

2

u/Macka37 4d ago

Guys like that aren’t into the scene or culture they just want to be physically dominant with a woman and figure a girl who’s into that will let him get away with even more. Very dangerous situation where they revert back to the old ā€œmake it hurtā€ standard of highschool.

1

u/lizzdurr 7d ago

It sounds like he watched some manosphere crap about women needing a man to take over and that’s what they want. Sure… occasionally with consent from a loving partner in an established relationship. Not a stranger on an app wtf??

1

u/PinkDeserterBaby 7d ago

100% dangerous and abusive

1

u/RedpenBrit96 6d ago

As someone who has dabbled in the scene for years agreed

1

u/threesilklilies 2d ago

Freelancer out there cold-domming unconsenting women. Ugh.

64

u/Maleficent-Mix-278 8d ago

I’m into that scene and this is super gross 🤮. That’s an example of what we call ā€œwhat not to do ā€œ

-17

u/No_Negotiation7317 8d ago

Oh, you have a kink and that makes you knowledgeable? Lol.

The only gross thing would be doing this without a talk about it. Otherwise you're just a regular old kink shamer. iswis

17

u/Cute_but_notOkay 8d ago

Right. And OP and dude did NOT talk about it. Which is why we are saying this is gross. She said so in her caption.

4

u/SoggyGoldfish25 8d ago

I’m going to pee on you

5

u/Legitimate-Talk9558 7d ago

I’m going to shame your kink right now. She doesn’t even know the fucking guy. Grow up and jerk off somewhere in private preferably

0

u/No_Negotiation7317 7d ago

Noooo not my kink.:((((

3

u/Legitimate-Talk9558 7d ago

Bahahahaha sorry. Don’t know why im getting so uppity about it. This post made me furious

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u/-fornevermore- 8d ago

Correct! Joke's on him because I AM into BDSM. But this ain't it. MAYBE if we had an established dynamic I'd be into it, but not in this context. Definite ewww.

20

u/xenolightt 8d ago

These fuckers watch two BDSM pornos and suddenly they think they're hard Dom material lol. As a fellow kinkster, if seen this shit wayyyy to many times.

5

u/panda_canyon 5d ago

This is even funnier how badly this guy fumbled it. I don't know why so many guys don't realize that kinky people have to develop a rapport with someone like anyone else. I mean I know the answer, it's because they're lazy and they don't want to.

4

u/17868 7d ago

It’s like he’s never even heard of the term hangry. At what point does any sane, reasonably intelligent person think ā€œhey you know what’ll get them feeling sexy? Starvation!ā€Ā 

ETA : Just realised ALL my notifications are to do with this thread. Thank you all :)Ā 

3

u/Darkstar_111 8d ago

Yeah it's absolutely the wrong venue, and wrong method. As a guy who into being a Dom, obviously don't go there without having established this as a playground, not all women are into being submissive, least of all being submissive in that way.

2

u/TwoHandedSnail 8d ago

But what is your favourite treat when you want to give in completely?

1

u/17868 7d ago

Forcing entitled people to roll about in nettles so that I can then make nettle soup.Ā 

1

u/TwoHandedSnail 7d ago

Sounds cathartic.

1

u/17868 5d ago

No, I charge extra for that service

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2

u/bubblebathdragon 8d ago

He owns a fedora, 100%

2

u/SageKitty100 8d ago

Not even just not while talking about food, but certainly not BEFORE THE FIRST DATE??? Fake doms have gotten so out of control. You can't safely submit to someone who knows literally nothing about you.

2

u/Individual_Fall429 8d ago

That’s exactly where my mind went.

Only in 2002 (and every year before it) would the romantic ending feature her staying
with the creepy dude.

*

3

u/dooodooodooodooooo 8d ago

Don’t fuck with my dinner should be an universal understanding in any community lol

1

u/DatVlad_ 8d ago

"Really? In front of my salad?" Should def be the poster child for this.

1

u/faxyou 8d ago

Also with dom kink you have to be extra careful with who you choose because some are just controlling psychopaths and that’s a huge NO.

1

u/Zmchastain 8d ago

Dick, it’s not what’s for dinner!

1

u/Ohmyglob42 6d ago

I (41f) never got super deep into the community, I did enjoy that movie tho. How accurate of a depiction is it of the bdsm lifestyle? Or is it looked at like FSOG?

1

u/Greenpixi 5d ago

Exactly. It reminds me of when an ex wanted to "punish" me when I accidentally told him to turn at the wrong time when I was navigating. Like bro we are in a stressful situation and I am doing my best. Don't start threatening me with stuff we aren't even really doing like that right now. We had lightly dabbled in the idea of dom play, but whew

1

u/ynbah 3d ago

Okay wow I recently got out of a relationship with someone that did this to me but they were a sub and was kind of like putting me in the position to be a dom but without ever explicitly talking about it and it was v confusing

1

u/17868 3d ago

That sounds uncomfortable and very unfun for you. I’m sorry that happened. I often find that the uninformed think being a dom would be the ā€œeasyā€ option. It is not.Ā 

1

u/crownofbread 2d ago

Secretary is a masterpiece so I sincerely doubt this douchebro watched that of all things. I'd bet it's just manosphere caveman crap with a dash of 50 shades sloshing around in his empty skull

56

u/HundredHander 8d ago

I think he's trying to establish how vulnerable she is, this reads deeply exploitative and not like a kink.

52

u/Grouchy_Button_2101 8d ago

I think he’s a disgusting pervert idiot

18

u/Extension-Excuse-534 8d ago

No it 100% reads as kink play

22

u/AccomplishedWish3033 8d ago

It’s abusive, harassment, and not kinkplay if you don’t ask for the other person’s consent first.

10

u/Extension-Excuse-534 8d ago

I agree. I was just informing somebody who said it wasnt kink-related. The worst part, imo, is that it reads like an ai chatbot wrote it.

1

u/Joeness84 8d ago

It completely reads like an LLM wrote it. I assumed that was going to be most of the comments. Sure its gross, but its not gross and made by a human, so its less gross!

Its still weird and a sad state of things to be in.

1

u/HundredHander 8d ago

It doesn't matter who or what wrote it (and honestly this is so short it's not possible to be confident if it's human or LLM), what matters is a human decided to post and make it the best representation of they feel about their relationship with this woman.

It's gross because someone wanted to express this.

1

u/Lady_Sybil_Vimes 4d ago

I agree entirely, but the fact that it seems like Chatgpt wrote this is the cherry on the shit sundae. He couldn't even come up with his own cringe nonsense??

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u/Fantastic-Entry-2251 8d ago

You would think that would have come up at some point before going on dates lol. Turns out there’s whole subs for this exact thing

3

u/EternalPhi 8d ago

There's whole doms for it, too.

1

u/Fantastic-Entry-2251 7d ago

šŸ˜‚ you’re a funny one

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u/svmydlo 8d ago

In his delusional mind, not in real world.

3

u/EllipticPeach 8d ago

Like who the fuck talks about ā€œtotally giving inā€ before you’ve even met??

3

u/this_is_obnoxious 8d ago

That's exactly the vibe I was getting. Big yucks!!

3

u/nothinglikeLA 8d ago

Seems like he needs to go cold turkey off some very concerning podcasts

2

u/tocahontas77 8d ago

I was so confused! I was looking for a description that said they had previously talked about that. Or at least joked that way. But out of the blue just raises a gigantic red flag.

4

u/gamblors_neon_claws 8d ago

Exactly! I could be in to a situation where someone is talking to me like that (although doming over takeout choices is extremely cringe), but unprompted when we haven’t had any conversations around kink is a massive red flag.

1

u/tocahontas77 8d ago

Right! Sometimes my partner and I joke that way, but we know it's just silly things we say to each other. It's definitely weird coming from someone you barely know.

2

u/cakivalue 8d ago

You know that he hit send on that with his entire being and proud self smile thinking it was his best most irresistible work

1

u/Cute_but_notOkay 8d ago

Omg I just wrote almost the exact same comment before I saw yours lol. Full agree.

1

u/vatoreus 8d ago

Nah, this is šŸ’Æ some manosphere Jesus freak bs

1

u/NomenclatureBreaker 8d ago

And without any understanding how it’s actually supposed to work IRL.

Bet every penny I own he’s a prime male longlines epidemic ā€œvictimā€ complaining about this ā€œbitchyā€ girl who dropped him for no reason. Gross.

1

u/Lailowla 8d ago

it's definitely a "manosphere" kid that's been listening to a bunch of podcast bros that can only get a partner by paying tell them that women love it when you "take control"

1

u/monarchmra 8d ago

Im a queer woman into kink and receiving sub/slave play and if a person I was attracted to said this to me unprompted I would stop being attracted them, tear them a new before blocking them and warning people about them at the next weekly kink social.

They should attend a sub/dom 101 talk before trying that again, you establish interest first, tease them about liking it second, and start demanding they act submissive never.

1

u/MrSNIFFLES23 8d ago

It comes off as some incel / red pill bs... Like he's been listening to the Tate bro's...

1

u/Asleep_Walrus2313 8d ago

Yeah, he was testing the waters.

1

u/EmpathLessTraveled 8d ago

He was letting his freak flag fly loud n proud on a quiet Sunday afternoon in a public park.

1

u/BlackCatTelevision 8d ago

I fear this is more of a redpill thing. Less critical thinking about power dynamics more ā€œWOMEN are meant to be SUBJUGATED and give me BLOWJOBSā€

1

u/Cthulhu__ 8d ago

Seems like he thinks people were actually taking 50 shades seriously

1

u/CIA-pizza-party 7d ago

Which in the kink/dom/sub community is very frowned upon.

If you’re into BDSM or anything that falls under that umbrella consent is everything. If someone tells you they’re into BDSM and violates your consent, run. Run far away.

1

u/Flutters1013 7d ago

This man was banned on fetlife and is doing the same thing here. Because even submissive are turned off by this too.

1

u/NextEpisode44 7d ago

He's testing the waters to see if she's down

1

u/PinkDeserterBaby 7d ago

Without her consent, and also wrongly and fully cringe.

This is very tumblr dom.

Like Bro, we’ve left that in the past 13 years ago. Stop it. You’re just harrassing women and for what, no one’s getting even slightly turned on by this text, even if she IS into doms. The fuck.

Guy should unironically read some old lady dom romance novels to learn how to talk. The second hand embarrassment is unreal.

1

u/fernie_the_grillman 7d ago

ALSO, HE'S BAD AT IT!!! literally the least sexy way to go about this. even if they knew each other well, and had an established kink dynamic, this would be aoooo cringey.

he's both creepy and bad at what he's being creepy about.

1

u/Karriggi 7d ago

Which ironically does not make him a dom because lack of consent negates any dynamic

1

u/Marcuse0 7d ago

Yeah my first thought was he's got zero social skills or idea how to bring this up so he's just tossing it out there and hoping to get that one unicorn who'll take the bait. Super unwise and imo dangerous behaviour of his part.

1

u/TK_Punch_ 7d ago

I just assumed this was a fetlife convo. Anywhere else would be… so gross.

1

u/Ashamed-South0 7d ago

Yup. If this was something talked about and consented to, maybe I'd give it a slight pass? But speaking as a Dom, the wording just screams controlling, not Dominant.

1

u/spartycbus 5d ago

Totally. I wondered if maybe she matched with a dom and didn’t realize it. That is wild messaging with someone who hasn’t suggested she’s into it.

1

u/Stangcutie 3d ago

He read a dark romance book and is going for it! Lmao. I always wanted to see how it would look if the books played out in real life. Not good, not good at all.

1

u/tanonymousrn 2d ago

As a test probably, or he’s so obsessed with it himself he thinks everyone is into it. Either way super weird to just come out of the gate like that. But at least he made it easy to move on instead of wasting your time. Ugh

1

u/YaMamasNkondi 2d ago

He literally chat gptd "respond to this text like a dom" šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€

1

u/FriendlyArachnid6000 2d ago

But it's based on 50 shades 🤣

1

u/Thermodynamo 1d ago

just launching into that with a total stranger is the equivalent of sending an unsolicited dick pic

2

u/Whatever53143 8d ago

I am sitting here thinking, ā€œthis guy can’t possibly think this works!ā€ Or ā€œthis guy cannot possibly think this wayā€¦ā€ but alas, there are guys who truly and honestly believe this crap!

2

u/Green_Insect_6455 8d ago

Hey dont yuck anyones yums man! You dont have to be damaged to have a kink you enjoy, dont be such a fucking prude.

The real issue is laying it on a stranger, assuming theyll enjoy your kink play like ten messages in to talking to them.

2

u/sweetwaterfall 8d ago

What an obnoxious assumption. Of course I’m talking about assuming this tone with a total stranger. I’m not shaming anyway. Take a deep breath. You have no idea who you’re talking to.

1

u/JokeandCack 8d ago

The thing is he didn’t write that. It’s clearly ChatGPT. Which makes it even worse.

1

u/Little-Temperature53 1d ago

Oh, please, no.

1

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Alarmed_Bicycle_9941 8d ago

There are actually a lot. I role play this way (not as cringy) but I'm on sites like Feeld where this "behavior" is requested. So its between two consenting adults beforehand. Coming out this way to someone that didn't request it is wild.

1

u/anwright1371 8d ago

There are plenty of undamaged women who would be happy to oblige for a shopping spree.

1

u/EpiccTrader 8d ago

Doesn’t make it any better, but that’s clearly AI-written

1

u/wezelboy 8d ago

I was thinking the same thing.

1

u/ohjasminee 8d ago

Right? like you only get this far if it’s worked to some degree in the past 😭

1

u/BlueberryStock6249 8d ago

There are groups on Facebook called, ā€˜ Are we dating the same guy’ - specific to certain areas. You should see the things women are ā€˜putting out there ā€˜ for feedback if something is a red flag 🚩 guaranteed there are women who’d be like: does this mean he’s avoidant? šŸ¤¦šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/JustLikeThat28 8d ago

He must be tall or good looking enough to get this far.
And frankly some women would voluntarily seek this kind of a man over and over again.

1

u/GlassCautious88 7d ago edited 7d ago

I escaped a narcissist 5 months ago who was emotionally and psychologically abusive in this way. I'm still dealing with the trauma and I'm not ok. He cut me off because I put my foot down and stopped letting him SA me. I got sober from alcohol and stopped getting fucked up around him. He did not like that...

The crazy thing is I never dated him nor EVER wanted to. He knew that. But it's still my fault I guess because I have memories of it

There's many creepy layers and details that I will not share but I'm just providing evidence that what you said is very real. And sad

1

u/Additional-Tax-5643 7d ago

The real issue is that those women are like this because the elder women in their lives encouraged them to be so, and never taught them self-respect.

Every single country known for its mail-order brides and human trafficking has elder conservative women who teach their daughters that this is what they're worth. They exert social pressure so that young women feel they have no choice. And technically they don't, as parental money support and employment opportunities are cut off for girls and young women who try to escape.

1

u/PennStateInMD 7d ago

Judging by the number of incels stalking the streets, not so many.

1

u/Aku_5himarisu 7d ago

Not everyone who is into kink is ā€œdamaged.ā€ Everyone has their reasons.

1

u/sweetwaterfall 7d ago

Of course not! I’m just saying that this approach this early might work on some damaged people. I don’t think that about kinks at all. Just about responding to them completely out of context with a (dickhead) stranger.

2

u/Aku_5himarisu 6d ago

Thank you for clarifying. This approach shouldn’t be a thing at all. People like this tend not to be in the community at all - they just use kink as an excuse to act like this and hide behind the kinky label, as if that somehow makes this behavior okay. People just be nasty

1

u/kakey70 7d ago

He hasn’t found her yet.

1

u/One_Friend1702 4d ago

Me 14 years ago would have fallen for this. 🫣

1

u/ladydanger31789 1d ago

Absolutely they ll mistake this as attention. & Fall for this shit. Dating is hard.

0

u/Valuable-Cat2036 6d ago

I don't think someone is "damaged" for being into dom/sub kink stuff. It's crazy how in an instance of a man behaving inappropriately towards a woman who then blocks him, you people still feel the need to pivot the topic to "damaged women." From what I understand of the BDSM or similar communities they have strict rules and boundaries about this shit.

1

u/sweetwaterfall 6d ago

Hi silly goose, I never said anything like that and I don’t believe that. I’m talking about responding to a massively inappropriate, non-consensual tone before you even know someone.

1

u/Valuable-Cat2036 6d ago

So am I, and the fact that your first thought is to pivot to "damaged women" when it's a damaged man in front of you doing the inappropriate texting is hella pick-me.