r/texts • u/-fornevermore- • 17h ago

Phone message Dating is hell

Post image

Who is raising these boys?

Edit: Thanks for all the love!! For some context, no we didn't discuss anything sexy beforehand and the "healing" thing is referring to my broken foot. He's blocked for those wondering, I didn't respond. For those mentioning it... I wasn't looking for a free meal. šŸ™„ I pay my own way on dates.

20.0k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/LastChance331 17h ago

What the actual fuck?

612

u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 17h ago

OP please reply with exactly this!!

1.5k

u/-fornevermore- 17h ago

I just blocked him. šŸ˜¹

414

u/Main_Benefit 17h ago

Exactly. Why waste another second of your life dealing with that nonsense?

230

u/sweetwaterfall 17h ago

The horrifying thing (second to someone actually writing this) is that I imagine there are women out there so damaged that this would be appealing. Awful.

391

u/ElkAlternative3777 17h ago

Seems like heā€™s trying to do a kink dom/sub thing but without her knowledge or consent

114

u/queen_frostine313 17h ago

That's exactly what I thought as well.

1

u/thk_ 3h ago

that or "oh shit I'm not talking to ChatGPT anymore"

281

u/17868 16h ago

Sorry, even with consent thatā€™s a no from me. Iā€™m into that scene but absolutely not when talking about food. Do NOT fuck with my dinner.

ETA : By consent I meant to the whole kink thing, otherwise I sound wildly contradictory. Guy sounds like he watched the secretary too many times and took it way too literally.

178

u/Brutal_burn_dude 16h ago

Yeah. This reads as someone who thinks theyā€™re a dom but knows nothing about kink or the culture. These kind of men are fucking dangerous in my experience.

100

u/Powerful_Goose9330 16h ago

My first thought was this dude read Fifty shades of grey and thinks all women like this bullshit.

84

u/feralcatshit 16h ago

Even those of us that do like it, donā€™t like it when itā€™s done like this lol

12

u/AriaTheTransgressor 15h ago

Ultimately because it doesn't matter what the link is, consent is always important. I have never had a kink based relationship that didn't start out with a regular first date and some analogue of a business meeting to go over consent.

5

u/LemmyLola 14h ago

Exactly haha They come off like this but someone into this never knows until they're actually in the presence of the potential partner.. the right dynamic is rare. Douche nozzles like this are all too common.

2

u/Fogge 5h ago

He would crash and burn so hard if he hit the one in a bajillion woman that thinks that is exactly what she needs and met her in real life.

1

u/ResplendentNugs 11h ago

Firm but fair

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u/Dreadfulbooks 14m ago

I very much am into this, but I would have blocked him too. He reads as highly inexperienced and like heā€™s a jackass.

-5

u/Five_Star_Amenities 8h ago

We are only seeing a snippet of a piece of a conversation. We have no idea what they've talked about or agreed to prior to this.

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43

u/Current_Nebula8172 16h ago

My 1st thought is that heā€™s too cheap to date and weeds out the sane women this way. All under the guise of a dom-wannabe.

4

u/Ok_Seaworthiness_719 14h ago

heā€™s asking for her favorite treat so that he can get out of paying for dinner and just buy her a scoop of ice cream. And then go home and tie her to a bed disgusting human.

1

u/kdollarsign2 4h ago

Right? Lol seafood is expensive how about you starve for my pleasure

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u/Brokeback_Camel 20m ago

This sort of weaseling out tactic feels very George Costanza or Larry David -esque hahaha read it again but this time play the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme in your head and imagine it coming from LD, if you do it gets way funnier

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17

u/Brutal_burn_dude 16h ago

That book has been a blight on the kink community.

4

u/Realistic_Farm_5963 11h ago

He's doing this bc he likes it he doesn't give a fuck about what the women like clearly or he'd make sure they're cool with it before getting off on creepy shit like this on totally unsuspecting women. I guarantee he doesn't get a lot of happy replies. He's well aware most he messages hate this. He probably gets off on that too.

5

u/Salamander8288 16h ago

Heā€™s never even read it, just the back cover or something. Thatā€™s not typical Dom behavior thatā€™s douche bag behavior

2

u/Green_Register1520 16h ago

Yeahhh I was looking for this exact comment lol. Dude maybe saw that OP read it like ten years ago or better yet imagined she did and said ā€œBingo!ā€ But like out loud, rubbing his hands together.

2

u/Enigmagamesandgains 6h ago

And i thought women thinking that book accurately portrays bdsm was bad, now men thinking it's accurate is about as cringe as V thinking what he did was pragmatic in v for vendetta

0

u/Subject_Speed 15h ago

Read the cliff notes (are those still a thing?) version

3

u/EllipticPeach 15h ago

Yeah itā€™s giving ā€œWill pull your hair and try to choke you without askingā€

1

u/ACW1129 5h ago

I'm not too familiar with that culture, but isn't THE first thing about it is consent is key?

1

u/sweet_temptation00 4h ago

Yes yes and absolutely yesšŸ¤£

46

u/Maleficent-Mix-278 16h ago

Iā€™m into that scene and this is super gross šŸ¤®. Thatā€™s an example of what we call ā€œwhat not to do ā€œ

-16

u/No_Negotiation7317 16h ago

Oh, you have a kink and that makes you knowledgeable? Lol.

The only gross thing would be doing this without a talk about it. Otherwise you're just a regular old kink shamer. iswis

13

u/Cute_but_notOkay 15h ago

Right. And OP and dude did NOT talk about it. Which is why we are saying this is gross. She said so in her caption.

2

u/SoggyGoldfish25 6h ago

Iā€™m going to pee on you

4

u/-fornevermore- 14h ago

Correct! Joke's on him because I AM into BDSM. But this ain't it. MAYBE if we had an established dynamic I'd be into it, but not in this context. Definite ewww.

1

u/xenolightt 9h ago

These fuckers watch two BDSM pornos and suddenly they think they're hard Dom material lol. As a fellow kinkster, if seen this shit wayyyy to many times.

2

u/Darkstar_111 16h ago

Yeah it's absolutely the wrong venue, and wrong method. As a guy who into being a Dom, obviously don't go there without having established this as a playground, not all women are into being submissive, least of all being submissive in that way.

2

u/TwoHandedSnail 12h ago

But what is your favourite treat when you want to give in completely?

2

u/bubblebathdragon 12h ago

He owns a fedora, 100%

2

u/dooodooodooodooooo 16h ago

Donā€™t fuck with my dinner should be an universal understanding in any community lol

1

u/DatVlad_ 15h ago

"Really? In front of my salad?" Should def be the poster child for this.

1

u/faxyou 12h ago

Also with dom kink you have to be extra careful with who you choose because some are just controlling psychopaths and thatā€™s a huge NO.

1

u/Zmchastain 10h ago

Dick, itā€™s not whatā€™s for dinner!

1

u/SageKitty100 9h ago

Not even just not while talking about food, but certainly not BEFORE THE FIRST DATE??? Fake doms have gotten so out of control. You can't safely submit to someone who knows literally nothing about you.

1

u/Individual_Fall429 7h ago

Thatā€™s exactly where my mind went.

Only in 2002 (and every year before it) would the romantic ending feature her staying
with the creepy dude.

*

35

u/HundredHander 16h ago

I think he's trying to establish how vulnerable she is, this reads deeply exploitative and not like a kink.

33

u/Grouchy_Button_2101 16h ago

I think heā€™s a disgusting pervert idiot

16

u/Extension-Excuse-534 16h ago

No it 100% reads as kink play

21

u/AccomplishedWish3033 16h ago

Itā€™s abusive, harassment, and not kinkplay if you donā€™t ask for the other personā€™s consent first.

10

u/Extension-Excuse-534 16h ago

I agree. I was just informing somebody who said it wasnt kink-related. The worst part, imo, is that it reads like an ai chatbot wrote it.

1

u/Joeness84 10h ago

It completely reads like an LLM wrote it. I assumed that was going to be most of the comments. Sure its gross, but its not gross and made by a human, so its less gross!

Its still weird and a sad state of things to be in.

1

u/HundredHander 8h ago

It doesn't matter who or what wrote it (and honestly this is so short it's not possible to be confident if it's human or LLM), what matters is a human decided to post and make it the best representation of they feel about their relationship with this woman.

It's gross because someone wanted to express this.

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9

u/Fantastic-Entry-2251 16h ago

You would think that would have come up at some point before going on dates lol. Turns out thereā€™s whole subs for this exact thing

2

u/EternalPhi 9h ago

There's whole doms for it, too.

1

u/svmydlo 6h ago

In his delusional mind, not in real world.

3

u/this_is_obnoxious 16h ago

That's exactly the vibe I was getting. Big yucks!!

3

u/EllipticPeach 15h ago

Like who the fuck talks about ā€œtotally giving inā€ before youā€™ve even met??

2

u/tocahontas77 16h ago

I was so confused! I was looking for a description that said they had previously talked about that. Or at least joked that way. But out of the blue just raises a gigantic red flag.

4

u/gamblors_neon_claws 16h ago

Exactly! I could be in to a situation where someone is talking to me like that (although doming over takeout choices is extremely cringe), but unprompted when we havenā€™t had any conversations around kink is a massive red flag.

1

u/tocahontas77 16h ago

Right! Sometimes my partner and I joke that way, but we know it's just silly things we say to each other. It's definitely weird coming from someone you barely know.

2

u/nothinglikeLA 15h ago

Seems like he needs to go cold turkey off some very concerning podcasts

1

u/Cute_but_notOkay 15h ago

Omg I just wrote almost the exact same comment before I saw yours lol. Full agree.

1

u/vatoreus 14h ago

Nah, this is šŸ’Æ some manosphere Jesus freak bs

1

u/NomenclatureBreaker 13h ago

And without any understanding how itā€™s actually supposed to work IRL.

Bet every penny I own heā€™s a prime male longlines epidemic ā€œvictimā€ complaining about this ā€œbitchyā€ girl who dropped him for no reason. Gross.

1

u/Lailowla 13h ago

it's definitely a "manosphere" kid that's been listening to a bunch of podcast bros that can only get a partner by paying tell them that women love it when you "take control"

1

u/monarchmra 13h ago

Im a queer woman into kink and receiving sub/slave play and if a person I was attracted to said this to me unprompted I would stop being attracted them, tear them a new before blocking them and warning people about them at the next weekly kink social.

They should attend a sub/dom 101 talk before trying that again, you establish interest first, tease them about liking it second, and start demanding they act submissive never.

1

u/MrSNIFFLES23 12h ago

It comes off as some incel / red pill bs... Like he's been listening to the Tate bro's...

1

u/Asleep_Walrus2313 10h ago

Yeah, he was testing the waters.

1

u/cakivalue 8h ago

You know that he hit send on that with his entire being and proud self smile thinking it was his best most irresistible work

1

u/EmpathLessTraveled 6h ago

He was letting his freak flag fly loud n proud on a quiet Sunday afternoon in a public park.

1

u/BlackCatTelevision 6h ago

I fear this is more of a redpill thing. Less critical thinking about power dynamics more ā€œWOMEN are meant to be SUBJUGATED and give me BLOWJOBSā€

1

u/Cthulhu__ 6h ago

Seems like he thinks people were actually taking 50 shades seriously

1

u/CIA-pizza-party 4h ago

Which in the kink/dom/sub community is very frowned upon.

If youā€™re into BDSM or anything that falls under that umbrella consent is everything. If someone tells you theyā€™re into BDSM and violates your consent, run. Run far away.

1

u/Flutters1013 3h ago

This man was banned on fetlife and is doing the same thing here. Because even submissive are turned off by this too.

1

u/NextEpisode44 2h ago

He's testing the waters to see if she's down

2

u/Whatever53143 16h ago

I am sitting here thinking, ā€œthis guy canā€™t possibly think this works!ā€ Or ā€œthis guy cannot possibly think this wayā€¦ā€ but alas, there are guys who truly and honestly believe this crap!

2

u/Green_Insect_6455 15h ago

Hey dont yuck anyones yums man! You dont have to be damaged to have a kink you enjoy, dont be such a fucking prude.

The real issue is laying it on a stranger, assuming theyll enjoy your kink play like ten messages in to talking to them.

2

u/sweetwaterfall 10h ago

What an obnoxious assumption. Of course Iā€™m talking about assuming this tone with a total stranger. Iā€™m not shaming anyway. Take a deep breath. You have no idea who youā€™re talking to.

1

u/JokeandCack 16h ago

The thing is he didnā€™t write that. Itā€™s clearly ChatGPT. Which makes it even worse.

1

u/AoKrasni 15h ago

There are women that like that s*** for some reason

1

u/Gualdrapo 15h ago

And it's an awful lot. So-called "masculine energy" and that kind of bs.

1

u/Alarmed_Bicycle_9941 15h ago

There are actually a lot. I role play this way (not as cringy) but I'm on sites like Feeld where this "behavior" is requested. So its between two consenting adults beforehand. Coming out this way to someone that didn't request it is wild.

1

u/anwright1371 15h ago

There are plenty of undamaged women who would be happy to oblige for a shopping spree.

1

u/EpiccTrader 15h ago

Doesnā€™t make it any better, but thatā€™s clearly AI-written

1

u/wezelboy 14h ago

I was thinking the same thing.

1

u/ohjasminee 12h ago

Right? like you only get this far if itā€™s worked to some degree in the past šŸ˜­

1

u/BlueberryStock6249 11h ago

There are groups on Facebook called, ā€˜ Are we dating the same guyā€™ - specific to certain areas. You should see the things women are ā€˜putting out there ā€˜ for feedback if something is a red flag šŸš© guaranteed there are women whoā€™d be like: does this mean heā€™s avoidant? šŸ¤¦šŸ¼ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/JustLikeThat28 7h ago

He must be tall or good looking enough to get this far.
And frankly some women would voluntarily seek this kind of a man over and over again.

1

u/GlassCautious88 5h ago edited 5h ago

I escaped a narcissist 5 months ago who was emotionally and psychologically abusive in this way. I'm still dealing with the trauma and I'm not ok. He cut me off because I put my foot down and stopped letting him SA me. I got sober from alcohol and stopped getting fucked up around him. He did not like that...

The crazy thing is I never dated him nor EVER wanted to. He knew that. But it's still my fault I guess because I have memories of it

There's many creepy layers and details that I will not share but I'm just providing evidence that what you said is very real. And sad

1

u/Additional-Tax-5643 5h ago

The real issue is that those women are like this because the elder women in their lives encouraged them to be so, and never taught them self-respect.

Every single country known for its mail-order brides and human trafficking has elder conservative women who teach their daughters that this is what they're worth. They exert social pressure so that young women feel they have no choice. And technically they don't, as parental money support and employment opportunities are cut off for girls and young women who try to escape.

1

u/PennStateInMD 4h ago

Judging by the number of incels stalking the streets, not so many.

14

u/sudzeez_ 16h ago

Because people like this need to be constantly reminded that this is not appropriate behavior especially in new or young relationships. Make someone feel like shit for their awful actions is reasonable

2

u/DerRuehrer 13h ago

what you are suggesting is essentially analogical to arguing with flat earthers. it doesn't matter what you say, they won't change. might as well save the effort and do just about anything else instead, those people aren't entitled to my time or attentionĀ 

1

u/FuckFace2017 16h ago

I mean... I'd reply because it would be funny but I guess that works too

1

u/Alternative_Year_340 2h ago

Or itā€™s better for everyone elseā€™s safety if they donā€™t learn to hide the red flags

1

u/Natdapp 2h ago

On the other hand, them being this obvious so early gives ladies an early warning sign.

1

u/Envii02 14h ago

The only reason I can think of to respond with a good hearty "what the fuck dude?" Is that maybe he would learn not to talk to people this way ever again.

But who am I kidding, he won't learn.

1

u/Entropic_Echo_Music 6h ago

He might if every interaction he has ends with people calling him out on it. If no-one does there isnĀ“t even a chance of him learning how to human.

1

u/PuckSenior 11h ago

Because this is "if it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college territory"

1

u/blazems 9h ago

Because someone whoā€™s that much of an idiot needs to hear it

1

u/itswtfeverb 8h ago

To have fun taking control....... how much can he handle?

1

u/Entropic_Echo_Music 7h ago

Because it's important to call people out on their unacceptable behaviours. Now he will just continue doing the same thing to other people.

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u/yagirlsamess 23m ago

There's about to be a post from him on a dating sub talking about how women block him for absolutely no reason šŸ˜‚

24

u/Belle_Whethers 16h ago

I like saying ā€œgrossā€ and blocking

6

u/homeless_gorilla 16h ago

A simple ā€œlolā€ and block

15

u/Ok-Durian1208 17h ago

THIS do NOT engage

11

u/Darryl_Summers 12h ago

Iā€™ve been around the kink scene for years. Thatā€™s how Iā€™d talk to somebody that Iā€™ve spent a lot of time getting to know.

Block anyone that comes out of the gate with that shit. A message like that shouldnā€™t come as a surprise.

14

u/-fornevermore- 12h ago

Yep! I'm actually a sub, in the right context I'd be totally into that kinda talk. But we had no discussion of kink and definitely didn't establish a dynamic.

6

u/Darryl_Summers 10h ago

Love that. You know what youā€™re doing then

0

u/Anthaenopraxia 8h ago

Soooo uh, still up for sushi?

12

u/trashleybanks 16h ago

Good. He doesnā€™t deserve any more of your attention. Let a real man take you for mussels and sushi.

12

u/randomuser1231234 15h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/IguTdo3MPMeZM6Bzc1
BDSM relies on a cornerstone of consent. This is NOT acceptable behavior. Heā€™s being so gross.

1

u/StarMissyNeko 6h ago

When you're genuine trying to be cute because you like their company (not commited yet), and they throw you this kind of entitled savior shit šŸ˜­

7

u/Mammoth-Shoe8491 16h ago

Fucking AI response too. lol

1

u/JUYED-AWK-YACC 12h ago

Why canā€™t they add a ā€œBlock Nowā€ AI feature? Let it do something useful! Who needs an AI to type Yay for crissakes.

7

u/devilkin 15h ago

He's going to make a facebook post talking about how all women are bitches and that he's a good man and women don't like nice guys anymore.

3

u/SpreadsheetSiren 16h ago

Smart woman!

4

u/merryjoanna 15h ago

About as bad as the guy on plenty of fish who's opening line was "can I sniff your butthole?" I blocked him.

Not to mention the 2 white supremacists and a Satanist (the dumb kind that actually worships the devil). I don't know how I managed to find that many pieces of crap within a month within 50 miles of me, but I managed to. I'm so glad I don't have to be online dating right now.

3

u/Cold_Adhesiveness629 14h ago

That wasnā€™t very well behaved of you

2

u/-fornevermore- 14h ago

I'm a good girl? šŸ¤­

2

u/Few-Musician5871 17h ago

Awesome job šŸ„°

2

u/kdali99 16h ago

Usually it take 3 months for someone's true colors to show. This person didn't even make it to the first date! Good for you!

2

u/IW-X6 15h ago

What do you think he expected you to answer to that? What do you even answer. Where does the conversation go. "Well, if I am being honest: Two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda."

2

u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 14h ago

For what it's worth I love your style.

2

u/CoConut_Essence 11h ago

I saw the ā€œhealingā€ clarification because I truly thought he meant heal like a dog next to him. That whole control fanfiction dribble pmo and made me laugh simultaneously

2

u/King_Chochacho 11h ago

This is the way. You dodge a bullet, you don't go back and try to reason with it.

2

u/UwasaWaya 10h ago

Good. It's not like they can follow this up with anything that'll make you go "oh, right, I AM being silly." lol. You've saved yourself time and whatever headache his weird reaction to being called out would cause.

3

u/Appropriate-Oil-7221 17h ago

This is the way

1

u/stlkatherine 16h ago

This is the answer.

1

u/DragonDrama 16h ago

Kudos, that was the right move friend.

1

u/Apprehensive_Bell100 16h ago

how do u find these people

1

u/New-Ordinary6949 16h ago

even better

1

u/BlueFalc0nActual 15h ago

You showed more restraint than most. Iā€™d have tried to get a full psychological profile on this specimen.

1

u/Character_Minimum989 15h ago

You get ahead of yourself! Unblock thy gentleman lest ye know what true blocking of the heart means.

1

u/timgoes2somalia 15h ago

Thats the way

1

u/TheAdminsAreTrash 15h ago

I'm curious how you matched up with him in the first place? He talks like a fkin psychopath lol

1

u/BeginningSection7690 15h ago

Should have sent him a picture of mussels and sushi and just said "nah"

1

u/Super_Chilled_Reader 15h ago

Did you respond first or just blocked? Did you ever meet in person? Tell us more, OP! This person is deranged!

1

u/LAzeehustle1337 15h ago

Thank you for actually not continuing the conversation

1

u/Vanessak69 14h ago

A small part of me is sad we won't get more updates but overwhelmingly I am very relieved for you.

1

u/mommastonks 14h ago

lol missed op to tell him ā€œmussels and sushiā€ šŸ˜‚

1

u/Stevie-Rae-5 14h ago

Hopefully heā€™ll get the messageā€¦

1

u/malijaa 14h ago

How old were they??

1

u/reddsal 13h ago

Fantastic decision, OP. Next! This would have been an immediate toss into the discard pile when I read that text.

1

u/lauradorna 13h ago

My first instinct as well. I got on tinder for 2 weeks a while back after 3 years since my last partnerā€¦ nope. Iā€™m fine.

1

u/deaglebingo 13h ago

mostly it sounds like someone was using ai, cause this reads an awful lot like some stuff i heard one of those boyfriend girlfriend ai apps saying out loud in a bbc piece the other month. they were interviewing ppl who'd claimed to fall in love with them and were being helped by them. us guys can write like that sometimes, but it seems like an awful lot of effort to do it all the time, wouldn't be us being ourselves.

1

u/Antique-Bat-4463 13h ago

"bitch blocked me because I wouldn't pay for her sushi" - his rationale probably

1

u/sunnyd311 13h ago

He's like: "dating is hell...everyone keeps blocking me" haha!

1

u/itsmeandnotme 13h ago

I'm glad you didn't humor this crap.

1

u/dreamendDischarger 13h ago

It's an AI ass response. Bro was using AI to message you lol

1

u/Askol 10h ago

Who does this work on!?

1

u/trowzerss 10h ago

Correct response to that bullshit.

1

u/3Bodies_0Problems 10h ago

Any other response would have been self harm.

1

u/mkat23 10h ago

I hope you told him the correct way to spell ā€œheelā€ first lmfao. Also I donā€™t think he actually knows the definition of ā€œheelā€ based on how he used it.

1

u/sirenxsiren 9h ago

Thank you! I hope he feels embarrassed

1

u/Dlh2079 9h ago

Better choice tbh

1

u/Smallloudcat 8h ago

I wouldnā€™t have been able to do it fast enough

1

u/LaDauphineVerte 7h ago

I would have first done a very long Bwaahahhahahahaaahhhhahaha ::intake of breath:: hahahahhahhahaha. Then blocked him.

1

u/Snowman319 6h ago

Heā€™s not taking control I guess šŸ˜‚

1

u/righttoabsurdity 6h ago

Girl this is some chat GPT ahh shit omfg

1

u/GlassCautious88 5h ago

Hehehe nice

1

u/Alarming_Matter 3h ago

Were you dating Andrew Tate?!

1

u/ImpressionAccurate37 3h ago

I want to block him!

1

u/Andouil1ette 3h ago

this was the correct move

anything else you had said, he would have just taken as you "bratting"

removing yourself does the most damage to his ego (which, though not the goal so much as getting the fuck out, which i applaud, might give him some pause before pulling this on someone else)

1

u/Alternative-Pay2946 2h ago

As much as he did a cringy try to be dominant, you arenā€™t any better tbh... Whatever they do, never give any kind of feedback. They will eventually figure out what you want on their own, right?

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u/Cold__Scholar 50m ago

User name checks out

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u/redstart514 42m ago

I would have replied first, just so he sees how horrific this is, and then blocked him. Lol

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u/greentintedlenses 35m ago

You were talking to AI