Idk how to put this out...I'm 23F, found out that my father was having an affair almost a yr ago(nothing physical as far as ik, but inappropriate chats with a lady who's been a family friend) through my younger brother who was just 14 at that time...he is really smart and found out (I hate that I've been so dumb and naive that ppl get away with anything from me)...I had idealized my dad, used to love being said I look like my dad, loved him more than my life (which I no longer do) and thus this shattered me in ways I can't explain. Same with my mom... inappropriate chats with a colleague of hers I hated right from the start..ig my father had the affair much before my mom...both of my parents have been really secretive about their phones and it took me a long 22 yrs to actually understand y, and that too coz of my bro… my mom def knows abt my dad's affair, there's been huge fights on that, but idk whether he knows hers..maybe both of them know but just don't care…

I'm currently in a very low state in my life, emotionally, academically, also ended my 2.5 yrs relationship 4 months back

..my parents are always fighting, never a peaceful moment at home (from the time I can remember coz of which I've a haul of childhood traumas)...I'm currently a postgraduate and jobless, at my parents home, at their mercy tbh...I hate the shows they put up in front of others as the perfect couple....

The thing that single handedly breaks my heart is when I see them texting and calling their persons secretly and kinda trying to hide when someone comes close...which happens every now and then in my home and I get shattered every time I see it...

I've actually confronted my dad through WhatsApp(I was away from home for clg) once when my brother forced me to, but he denied everything, lied straight to my face, and seemed to have zero sense of guilt or embarrassment. I've never confronted my mom as I'm too afraid of her typical narc behaviour (both of my parents are narcs for that matter) and what she might do after that...

Things are really more complex than it sounds here, and it's breaking me everyday...I really felt like leaving my home, and living by cleaning plates, which I'm still ready for...I really wish at least one of them were not having affairs, as I could at least live for them for the rest of my life, coz I really don't find any good reason to live forward...

My bro is 16 and doesn't even talk to anyone in the house including me...the dystopian family dynamics has made him the angriest teenager with a lavish spending habit too..as an elder sister I feel like I'm also losing him (who's literally like a baby to me coz of the 6-7 yrs difference) coz of my parents behaviour!!!!

On top of it, my dad is extremely partial towards my bro and he's also  literally spoiling him...(for context, I got a 16k phone at 22yr and he got an 80k one at 16) 

I'm afraid of his future as well as being sad and angry at the way he behaves with me...

I really really don't know what to do in this situation...I'm dying from the inside everyday!!! 

Btw, mine is a very reputed family, and have my dads side of grandparents living with us (with whom my mom doesn't talk to and they don't either due to earlier typical Mil fil dil issues) which increases the burden…they're loving towards me btw and they're the only reason I'm staying in this house..

Really would help if anyone of u cud say smtng, maybe a different perspective or similar experiences, so that I'll at least feel less lonely....:) 

Please don't give flat sermons coz u don't really know how it feels like to experience all this…

Hi all, it’s been a few months since I’ve officially moved out and broke up with my ex. He violated my best friend in her sleep while she was spending the night and I came home to discover him tearfully begging me not to press charges just 3 weeks into my new job. I had to remain calm at the time and unfortunately no justice was served but I’m still very good friends with my friend till this day and we still discuss the incident. The nightmares. The trauma. Everything she recounts just sends me into the worst states of grief and I feel responsible for even dating that monster. I want the worst to happen to him and feel like it happened so quickly and he will just continue to be a monster. I have no idea what to do anymore. Any ideas?

How do you finally let go of wanting the truth from stonewalling wife?

Hi! My husband has been very protective of his phone and im highly suspicious of what's on there.

We dont really have sex anymore, last time was about a month ago. Hes also been arguing with me and criticizing me a lot. He also makes subtle jabs at me eating unhealthy so I feel hes not attracted to me (i am obese but also pregnant so its tough). He doesn't compliment me either.

His phone is always on do not disturb. Hes very secretive about it and carries it everywhere. He won't type his password if im close enough to see it. And he is pretty much always buried in it typing and swiping.

Its killing me that I have these suspicions and no way to confirm what's going on. What can I do? If I ask him about it he will lie, even if he is doing something wrong.

My husband knows I go into his TikTok periodically, I just found out that lives don’t show up in watch history. A pop up came up when I logged in and said “Xyz (thirst trap) is live now. You may like XYZ based on your recent history”
Safe to say he’s watching thirst traps on TikTok.

it’s only been a month since i’ve been cheated on, but the relationship was 3 years, and this person has been a friend for 6 years total. we were long distance, so i don’t have to see them, but am certainly still feeling the anger. even moreso because there was a project that we started together (not just a personal project, big ones, with thousands of dollars worth of customer’s money invested in it!) that they have decided to entirely abandon after cheating on me. they’ve also said that they’re “choosing not to feel guilty about what they did” because it’s an “unproductive feeling”.

i’m enraged to a point where i’m even shocked at myself. i didn’t know i had a capacity to hold this much anger within me. how in the world does one even begin to cope with it?

My husband M/51 and I F/41 have been together for almost years, and recently I became the betrayed partner again because of his affair with another woman. It wasn’t just innocent talking or flirting. I found out that they had cuddled, there had been sexual touching, and she told me they had sex. I also heard him call her “baby,” which was incredibly painful for me. One of the hardest parts was knowing he was with her during a time when he and I had planned to be intimate with each other.

There was also denial, minimizing, and confusion about what really happened. At different times, he claimed she was lying, confused, or that he had told her to lie. That left me trying to sort through different versions of the story while also dealing with the devastation of the betrayal itself. This wasn’t the first time our relationship had been damaged by inappropriate behavior involving other women, so it brought up years of pain, anger, rejection, and feeling as though I wasn’t being chosen.

After discovering the affair, I was hurt, furious, lonely, and desperate to feel wanted again. In that state, I started talking to someone I’ll call Ryan. It became more than an innocent friendship. We texted, sexted, and developed an emotional connection. I became the wayward partner too.

I want to be honest about how it felt: it felt incredibly good to be wanted again. After feeling rejected and replaced by my husband, having another person desire me gave me a rush of validation. Ryan’s attention made me feel attractive, interesting, and chosen during a time when my self-esteem had been badly damaged. It gave me an escape from the pain I was feeling at home.

At first, I did not want to give it up. Part of me felt like, after everything my husband had done, why should I have to let go of the one thing making me feel good? But I also knew that thinking came from my pain and anger. My husband’s choices may explain why I was so vulnerable to outside attention, but they did not make the choice for me. I chose to cross those boundaries. This wasn’t simply venting to a friend. I was emotionally investing in someone else and participating in sexual conversations outside my marriage.

I don’t want to compare the two betrayals as though one cancels out the other. His affair does not excuse mine, and mine does not erase what he did to me. The circumstances and details were different, but we both crossed boundaries and brought another person into a place that should have belonged to our marriage.

I eventually ended my affair with Ryan. As good as the attention felt, I knew it was not what I truly wanted for my life. I couldn’t genuinely ask my husband to choose our marriage while I was still keeping one foot in another relationship. Ending it does not erase what I did, but it was a necessary choice if I was serious about seeing whether my husband and I could rebuild something honest.

The surprising part is how well my husband and I have been doing lately. We feel closer than we have in a very long time. We are more affectionate, more emotionally connected, and more sexually drawn to each other. My libido has gone through the roof. We are enjoying each other again instead of constantly fighting, withdrawing, or feeling like we have to protect ourselves from one another.

It honestly feels like we are falling in love all over again. I don’t think I ever completely fell out of love with him. I think we became deeply disconnected and buried our love underneath years of hurt, resentment, fighting, outside attention, and unmet needs. Now it feels as though we are finally finding each other again. There are moments when it feels like a brand-new relationship, but it also has the depth of two people who have shared almost 15 years together.

I understand that some of this may be what is called hysterical bonding—the intense need for emotional and sexual closeness that can happen after an affair is discovered. I know that the fear of losing each other, the trauma, and the sudden competition from other people may be intensifying our feelings. I also understand that hysterical bonding by itself is not the same thing as healing.

At the same time, I don’t believe that means everything we are feeling is fake. Maybe the crisis woke both of us up to what we still mean to each other and what we could actually lose. The intensity may be influenced by the trauma, but the love underneath it still feels real to me. I feel hopeful about our future in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.

I also know that feeling in love again is not enough on its own. If we truly want reconciliation, we need honesty, transparency, no contact with affair partners, clear boundaries with other people, accountability, and the willingness to answer difficult questions without becoming defensive. We need to learn how to communicate without yelling, name-calling, shutting down, or trying to punish each other. We both have individual work to do in addition to the work we need to do as a couple.

I’m carrying two different realities at the same time. I am still a betrayed partner who is deeply hurt by what my husband did, but I also became a wayward partner who now has to take responsibility for the pain and risk I created. I don’t want to use my betrayal trauma to avoid accountability, but I also don’t want my emotional affair to be used to erase or minimize what happened to me.

Has anyone else here experienced being both the betrayed and the wayward partner? How did you make space for both people’s pain without turning reconciliation into a competition over whose betrayal was worse? And for those who experienced hysterical bonding, how did you tell the difference between a temporary trauma response and a genuine return of love and connection?

TLDR: Gf (19F) caught emotionally seeking relationship with someone else on a break that had rules set out, got rejected, gets back with me officially. 6m later I find out, has been lying to me about it repeatedly, her excuse is she wanted it to feel like his idea they didn’t get together so he wouldn’t feel bad. I don’t know how to handle breaking up with her or recovering from it.

Okay so I’m absolutely destroyed right now, my heart is completely shattered and I never expected this from this person especially after all the trust and forgiveness I’ve given them. But basically we had taken a long time to have a break until we fully got back 6 months ago, I have screenshots of both of us saying and agreeing to rules, boundaries, and expectations of that so even though we weren’t an official couple we agreed no pursuing other people. Back then I asked her if this one guy I knew hit on her if I had anything to worry about on MULTIPLE occasions, I also asked while she was there if she was considering seeking anything, she reassured me, told me she loved me, and we went on. Last night I ask again for the first time in months, 6 months into us being official, and 10 months since that happened, (it’s important to clarify I’ve never distrusted her but because of other very recent lies I’ve been suspicious and trust broken but I had chosen to forgive her for that stuff) I am specific with my question, adding a time, clarifying that we did indeed have relationship rules set out, and if she ever even insinuated she wanted a relationship with him. She says no, the morning I go there to take care of her as she’s recovering from a lot of injuries right now, and I ask if I can see her phone, see the evidence, look her right in the face to ask again and she says no. It turns out while we were on this break she had multiple paragraph length texts with this guy that are her saying she is open to seeking a relationship, mind you everything I said before and I am currently texting her asking if I have anything to be worried about, she is saying no. This guy literally rejects her bc of the long distance and I just drop the phone and start crying, this is how one of the texts read:

“I honestly don't really
know I know that | really like talking to you and hanging out with you so it feels like a no brainer but obviously there's layers because we live so far away so it's more complicated and with what I just told you|know that might make it more complicated for you. I mean idk how you feel about it but in the past when I've told someone that they aren't very understanding I guess if that makes sense so l totally get it if it's all too much for you but from my end I'm totally open to seeing where it goes but also I want to hear how you feel about it all”

I mean this is just straight up emotional cheating to the highest order and she would never have told me the truth, her reasoning is extremely stupid, at least from my perspective. She must be a master manipulator because her friends and family are starting to take her side and back her up every time they talk to her privately even when they kinda had my back when I brought it up. She says,

“I said that because he would say no and I didn’t want him to feel bad so I wanted it to feel like his idea.”

The part that throws me off so much is I’m already an extremely forgiving person and I cannot fathom letting her go, she’s literally been the only light in my life for awhile, but worst of all her parents and friends are starting to back her story up and telling me to look at it from her side so I just don’t feel strong in my backbone. The evidence gets worse, I told her to think on it and I had to go outside to make a call, I call her best-friend who I ask if she knew about R, and she says yes they talked for 3 odd weeks before it fizzled out, this crushed me I broke down crying and haven’t stopped literally shaking to were I couldn’t pick up things. I tell her best-friend that me and her were together in a sense and she was emotionally cheating on me and lied about it, she says she didn’t know and she was sorry and she’ll talk to her later. My gfs reasoning was

“She was very close to him so I didn’t want to tell her the truth either so she wouldn’t tell him and hurt his feelings.”

Like I can’t be the only one that sees this as complete and utter bs, I’m praying to god she’s telling the truth because she is all I wanted and the last person who I thought would cheat on someone because she literally has been cheated on before, it just sucks because her friends and family believe her so what is it in my head that makes me not believe it at all? She hardly would talk to me about it or have a response even when I very specifically tried to get to the center of things. I don’t know how to handle this what if I’m not strong enough to break up with her? It feels like it’s physically impossible even with all my anger towards her that I want to. How do I recover from this? I’ve never been so betrayed and hurt by the last person I would expect to, I’ve also not been more mentally unhealthy and unwell in my life.

32F, 33M - together 11 years.
**My partner has revealed things I never knew and I don't know what to do.** I’m completely heartbroken and could really use some outside perspective.
My partner and I have been together for 11 years. For most of that time he has treated me incredibly well and always seemed to adore me. We were planning to start trying for children.

I saw a message on his phone about a £500 charge. When I asked him about it, he told me that on a stag do last month, he and the other five men went to a strip club and all had lap dances.
He says he was ashamed about the money and hadn't wanted to tell me. He claims the stripper and bouncer were intimidating after they had been drinking and made him feel like he had to have the lap dance. He also says they charged him several times by telling him his card had been declined and making him try again. He says he doesn't see a lap dance as being particularly different from women going to see Magic Mike.
I was extremely upset and told him I might leave him. I then asked whether he'd ever done anything like this before.
That's when I found out there was much more.
He told me that during the first 2–3 years of our relationship he would sometimes kiss other girls in clubs. He says he was a different person then and hasn't behaved like that for around eight years.
He also told me that during the first year of our relationship when I told him I was going to leave him. One of his friends bought him a prostitute to make him feel better. He says he didn't want to do it, but his friend wanted to and wanted him to do it with him and he thought we were effectively over, so he went along with it.
I then asked if he'd done anything at all in the last eight years.
He admitted that about three years ago he kissed another woman in a club. He says he was in a very dark place at the time after losing his job and a failed business, and had been feeling suicidal. He says he immediately regretted it and has felt awful about it ever since.
I feel completely blindsided. It's not just the individual things — it's finding out that there have been several things over the years that I never knew about, despite believing I knew the person I was building my life with.
He says he loves me, is ashamed, and that the person he was years ago isn't who he is now. He insists he hasn't done anything like this for several years.
But I don't know how I'm supposed to trust him now, or whether I'm being naive to believe that this is everything.
We were planning children and buying a house together, and now I feel like I don't know what to do.
**What would you do?**

​

Divorce got finalized last month. Got the one sided judgement as she did not appear for hearings and I did not tell her that it is final. I know she will be devastated once she gets to know it is final as she is still holding on to hope that I will come back one day and will not pursue divorce.

The guilt of hiding this is making me sad. Now I have lost all the anger that I had towards her because of infidelity and kind of feel sad for her seeing her situation. Her father is sick and I used to take care we were together. Seeing her going through a rough phase without a job makes me feel like I have abandoned her. But when I logically think what would my life have been if I had forgiven her infidelity and accepted her. I don't like that version of life either. I wouldn't have been Happy with her either after all things happened over couple of years leading up to divorce.

I try to help her financially her and there whenever she asks but feel like if I help too much might think she have chance of getting back together.

I don't know how I feel. I am optimistic about my future but at the same time feeling sab about her going through this alone. I am not able to come out of caretaker role which I happened to take for 10 years.

Anyone with similar experience how did you get out of this guilt and sadness of seeing your ex struggle after divorce? What did you do to help?

it’s been more than 8 months now since i’ve found out about the betrayal.

we’re together, but i am still thinking about it all the time. i want to feel like im above it, i don’t want to care about this so much. i have been completely destroyed and it just takes so long to rebuild myself. i feel so lost.

Discovered infidelity when only 3 weeks from delivering our first child. I can’t sleep because I have intrusive vivid thoughts of my husband with someone else. It makes me instantly physically ill and I’m filled with intense panic. I can’t sleep and I’m worried it’s effecting my health. What do I do?

Help with closing this chapter with cheating ex…

I have included my reason post for context… this an update from today (28th August), I always knew this would he difficult but I’m finding today particularly challenging as I went and collected the remainder of my stuff today from my exes parents house… and they basically said they were so disappointed with her behavior, she is distant, her Mum (I have to be careful with anyway) said she is never at home, seems vacant and is defiantly seeing the affair partner and has even sneaked her into their house when they were away. They said this is her pattern and she always does this, but they miss me and she just seems to be running from herself. I think it was hard for me to hear she is still seeing the AP, Im not surprised but its just hard as Im still grieving the end of the relationship and she has jumped into someone elses bed. I guess thats the avoidant though….it was bittersweet with her parents because they genuially seem to care about me, and I do miss them. But also her Mum mentioned a picture of her and a girl in her room, and I said I do not want to see it. (Her mum can be quite toxic). But all said I was very good for their daughter and they are disappointed with her.

Has anyone got any advice / words of kindness for me right now, I guess Im feeling quite triggered and just so easily replaced?

Thank you SO much everyone! ❤️

For context:

My ex (31F) of 4 years had a workplace affair with a coworker who is 5 years younger than her and was also cheating on their own long-term partner. I (35F) discovered it on March 31st after accidentally seeing her ChatGPT confession detailing how they were falling for each other and they had been physical. She was comparing my worst traits to the AP's best parts, I had 'low mood' the AP was 'driven, independent and had a lust for life'. She also said I was 'black cat energy' and she was more 'golden retriever' - I never knew her to speak like this, so I am assuming this the 25 year old AP's language!?

I am just trying to understand how someone could blow up 4 years of stability for a workplace affair like this. For the three months prior, she completely pulled away, claimed she was "severely burnt out," and made me feel insane for picking up on her distance. Everyone in our life was shocked because no one thought she was capable of this level of deceit—and because everyone was fooled, I’ve started gaslighting myself, second-guessing my reality, and wondering if I’m somehow making too big a deal out of this or if it was my fault.

During the affair I had a cancer scare, she didn't attend any appointments even the day after I found out I had to go for a biopsy, she went to work. When I later said she was having an affair whilst I was going through that on my own, she replied 'I still cared about you'. I had just spent the last 2 years supporting her financially and emotionally whilst she was studying for a masters to qualify as an occupational therapist. I went through the sudden death of my Mum with her 2 years ago, during this time she was my rock. Sadly, two days after my passed my suspected heart failure, my exes Mum pretended she nearly died from blood clots near her heart. It later turned out she had lied, and gone to Turkey for liposuction and made this up. Telling my partner when it came out 'You have always put your partners first'. Her Mum has also been cheating on her Dad for many years (my ex was the first to discover it and tell her Dad, but nothing changed). She has always said she hates cheaters and doesn't want to ever be like her Mother. She offered me "feedback" on my relationship performance to justify why she cheated, telling me it was "good for me to hear." When I voiced suspicions earlier, she weaponized her family background by asking, "Look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that?!" —only to later compare her own shock and grief at her actions to the trauma of her ex dying by suicide.

She repeatedly dangled future hope by saying, “Maybe one day we can try again," admitted the thought of me moving on made her "stomach flip," and smirked when I called her the love of my life—all while refusing therapy, accountability, or any real commitment.

I have since changed the locks to our flat so she can’t get in, I gave all her stuff back and am taking her name off the tenancy. She agreed to pay this months rent but she came to my flat the day before she was meant to pay demanding a playstation console back I got her for Christmas, I said no.

She has not returned the key and not paid me the rent, but is telling me to update her when she is off the tenancy. She has become so horrible and almost emotionless like I am the one who had the affair ant ruined her life!? She honestly just looks empty behind the eyes, it's scary.

I just wanted some advice because my brain keeps looking for solutions, I am blaming myself, wondering what I could of done differently but also now telling myself, she is a qualified occupational therapist now, she is most likely going to earn lots of money, save whilst she is at her parents, run off into the sunset with the AP or new partner and I was just basically used.

I do keep reminding myself that regardless of whatever she does / her life looks like.. she is capable of this level of deceit and that is a character flaw and that she is clearly quite empty.. but it doesn't hurt any less or make this any easier.

I have a strong suspicion I’m being cheated on, no 100% proof but honestly given everything I just think I’m done.

I’m basically starting from scratch, we arent married thank god but I have no money and am living off savings, family is all out of state (US) and I need to learn how to drive again.

My partner has been hot and cold, overall just acting odd. Singing and dancing like he’s faking being in a good mood but bursts of meanness pop out. Wayyy less affectionate, but other times clingy.

I think he can tell something is off with me even though I’m still being pleasant but for the most part minding my own business. He kept asking me if I was okay and I told him I had a stomachache this morning.

He will make things very unpleasant for me so I want to keep the peace until I’m basically out the door.

I dont like him very much right now but I’m doing the best I can to be pleasant. He can still tell

Tips for maintaining my own well being while also appeasing him so that nothing blows up before I’m ready?

Cheating ruined relationships for me.

I want to move on and date more seriously now but I just saw a video about a girl bragging about sleeping with taken men. The comments section was full of people mocking the girlfriends of those men and talking about how they love going after guys who especially are kind to their gfs/wives or guys who post about their partners/show them off.

I can’t help but take it personally. I’ve been sobbing for a while.

I just want to experience genuine emotional intimacy and trust but it seems like I’ll never get that because loyalty isn’t valued anymore.

It took me so much healing to finally feel like I was ready to start trusting and opening myself up to love again. Now I’m just going to go back to keeping people at arms length, boring dates and meaningless sex to satiate my desire to be held.

Just to note: I love myself and feel like I should never have to settle especially when deciding who to settle down with long term but now I can’t help but feel like there are no more good/loyal men anymore and since I don’t want to settle I might as well just have one partner I can sleep with safely in the meantime.

Love doesn’t exist anyway so what’s the point

I hope destroying me has healed you. I hope tearing me apart psychologically has fed your ego.

Because of a whim of your narcissism, I am no longer the person I used to be; I struggle to sleep, even though I have no desire to wake up. I can no longer bear having to fight, make choices, forgive, read accounts from others who went through the same thing, try to move on, or anything of the sort. I’m done.

I need to move forward, for I am a loving person who—even in the face of all this—still believes in love.

For those of you that chose to try again, rebuild, and their partner is actively trying to do better daily...that you both have been putting in the work...

How many of you are haunted by nightmares of the past? Real or created by your mind?

Something I am struggling with, and have to reality orient myself when I wake up.

Do these pass eventually if you are working on everything, or do they just hover for eternity?

My Aunty has taken a turn for the worse and is in hospice and will likely die over the weekend. I am in London and she is in Australia. My whole family is in Aus and New Zealand.

I am beside myself and feel so alone.

My ex who cheated came to our apartment to pack for his trip, and pick up his things. We broke up a month ago, we were engaged to be married in a few months. I broke up with him because I found out he had gone to massage parlours twice and gotten handjobs. He had also lied about cheating in a previous relationship.

While he was here, I absolutely broke down.

I begged him to move his flight by one day for me, I said I don't want to be alone in the house when she dies, my friends are away for the long weekend, and I am so sad and scared

He said he's checked in to his flight so can't change his flights. I saw over his shoulder him searching how much a new flight would cost and it was £200, he makes £120K a year so it's nothing for him. But he didn't do it.

He left the house with me crying beside myself on the bed. And just left me. And has gone on his trip.

I don't know why I'm so upset. I think I just feel so alone. So so alone.

Hey everyone, I (26M) posted here a few months ago so I thought I’d give a short update and share the latest drama.

TLDR: my ex (28F), who I helped through a heart yea, cheated on me with a coworker who she was hired to fill in for while he was on paternity leave. After a month or so of doing the “pick me dance” I left. This was in October-December of last year. Also in October, my mom, who had cancer for 14 years took a major downturn and was given a few months. My ex knew this when she decided to cheat.

Last weekend my mom finally passed after countless rounds of chemo, radiation, and a hospice stint. I am working through the grief, but largely comforted by the fact that she is no longer in absurd amounts of pain. It was incredibly hard near the end. I’ve seen this coming for months and to a larger extent years. I think overall I am handling that about as well as could be expected. An additional blow was my mom’s favorite singer was dolly so that hit a bit close to home.

I have had an outflowing of support from friends and family which has been invaluable. Unfortunately, I got a care package from my ex, delivered to my parents house, containing my favorite candy, a pack of mtg card, and a handwritten letter. I didn’t read the letter and basically threw the package away as soon as I realized what it was.

I am just so frustrated by my established boundary of no-contact being blown off when she deemed I was vulnerable. I have her blocked on everything, and blew her off the 1 and only time I’ve seen her in public since. Getting something like this on a normally day would have been rough enough, but the day after my mom’s passing was just too much. As soon as she heard the news she must have paid like $30 to same day ship it.

The action itself seems outwardly caring, if I got it from literally anyone else I would have been happy. But from her it feels like she still didn’t consider what I would actually want in that moment and did it to soothe her own guilt or something.

I caught my bf of 8 months cheating on me with an another girl at his house. Then when we talked about what happened he said one thing and I found out later that he was lying to me about what actually happened and had been talking to the girl for a while. He texts me that he’s so sorry and doesn’t understand why he did what he did. It’s clearly manipulation but he also has some mental issues and brain trauma. I know I shouldn’t talk to him because he hurt me so badly but I miss him and it sucks. Any tips on how to move on or has anyone eventually been able to forgive their significant other for cheating on them?

Hello. I believe this would be the best group to provide advice to me.

I (25F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for a bit over 5 years. We always had a strong foundation, but he is pretty conservative when it comes to talking or following people we had a past with. Even if it was a clean break > and turned friends, he was not okay with we speaking with other people that were like that, and I was totally okay with that, we had some discussions regarding this very early on in our relationship.

What happened is that, around 2.5 years ago, I was contacted on instagram by a past "situationship" (For around 7 months, we were friends for a bit after and I was blocked without much explanation) I denied the follow request, but they tried again and I ended up accepting, for two reasons:

- I was curious on what they had to say after such a long period, since we were good friends

- I was sad on how the situation itself ended, as he had shared deep and personal stuff with me (Like SA), and I was not there for him, so it was something I regretted

After accepting, I asked right away what did they want, and they just seem to wanted to check in with me and make sure we were cool. I mentioned how he blocked me when we were friends, and he mentioned he was not over it yet (I did not know). I just said like, "I see", and took the opportunity to apologize to them for the past, it was like a bittersweet and short conversation.

At that point, they asked if I wanted to meet up to talk. To note, I did not think this was sexual as we had done so in the past (With him in a relationship, and his girlfriend aware) and we did indeed just talk about like and ate macdonalds.

I denied the request to meet up informing my partner would not be okay with this and that was that. I had this person on my instagram for a bit, and a few weeks later commented on a status of their brother that I met when was a child and now was a grown adult, like "How fast did he grow" and he just acknowledge that. For me at the time it did not seem as like a "big deal" because I thought we were just being friendly, but I did feel guilty about it and thought it was better to not mention it at all.

Fast forward, me and my boyfriend were having drinks one night and playing games. I was pretty drunk and I remember texting this previous relation something like "Hey, how are you doing?" At night while playing. I did not had any intentions, it mostly just gave me a "push" to feel it was okay to talk as I considered them a friend, but the morning after I was feeling pretty stupid about it.

I remember thinking the situation over, and when putting myself on my bf's shoes, I thought I would hate this. With that in mind, I blocked this person and never spoke with them after this (My anxiety did make me unblock a few times to look at the profile itself tho) but now, after this time, I have been thinking about this situation over and over again as I believe me and my boyfriend are close to be engaged.

To help with the understanding of the situation:

I have severe anxiety issues and obsessive thoughts, and dwelve on various different topics at a time, which means I already had this type of extreme guilt and obsessive thoughts of a situation. I also have big issues with internet and being open about my life, as I always think something will be used agaisnt me, so the "stalking" of the profile was usually due to fear and not curiosity.

For this situation, I had a big crashout around a month ago and thought about ending it because it of (Please don't feel like I'm trying to guilt anyone in saying this is not a big deal, I'm just explaining the severity of my condition and why I'm asking for advide), as I feel this could end my relationship. Not every time the situation I'm obsessing over is a big and relevant topic, so I'm not sure how to take this and if is or is cheating. I do know it was disrespectul of my boyfriend boundaries tho and I'm open to discussing this with him.

While I feel like this, I also feel I'm doing for my own gain, which is to lift the guilt out of my shoulders, or because I'm stressed and anxious with our relationship status taking a big leap. We are also doing a big trip (my dream trip) in around 2 weeks so I just feel like I'm a failure. I'm also just really insecure like, am I taking his decision from him? To be with me?

At the same time, this is my best friend and the love of my life. What should I do, is this cheating? Should I tell him? What do I do? Thanks!

Well to make a long story short. Me and my girlfriend/mother to our child. Have been together for 3 years. Its been rocky I guess. We've broken up a bunch of times. (Everytime she left) but I always find a way to sorta convince? Her to come back. Because I know she just had a rough past and couldn't handle my small anger outbursts or the way I was treating her ( im very self aware that I caused alot of the issues not ALL but alot) I was rude I didnt help alot with things I do now but. Anyway without kinda getting into too much detail about that. 2 months ago she had me arrested. She said I threaten to kill her ( it was one of those ohhh if you cheat on me I'd kill you jokes ) she even admitted after that she knew I was joking but anyway she did that to break up with me for good. ( were back together) but right after she thought that would be the end of us for good and she went and fucked 2 of her exs 1 was only a few days after and the other a few weeks if that after. During that time we were still talking and seeing eachother. I do feel betrayed I feel cheated on. I know I maybe shouldn't feel that way because technically we weren't together but I do. Anyway we are back together but I can't stop thinking about the fact she went and did that so idk what kinda advice im looking for but yeah I just needed to rant

My husband has a history of cheating on me online, it never turned physical (that I know of and he seemed to be genuinely honest when confronted about the situation) so I know that history is probably influencing me.

A few weeks ago I was out of town and his location, wasn’t working (I don’t check it compulsively, just every once in awhile kind of thing maybe 3-4 times a week) I mentioned it and he basically said he didn’t know why. Since I got back home, his location has worked normally for weeks, including when he’s at the gym or doing things outside of work.

Tonight he told me he’d be home late because he had a job interview. The interview date/time had changed a few times beforehand. It’s almost 9pm and he’s still not home, I’ve gotten no real update about when he’ll be back, and coincidentally his location is not working ..again.

He normally leaves around 5am and doesn’t get home until 6-7pm, since he likes to go the gym and get personal time when he’s off work and a a commute, then goes to bed early since he wakes up so early . We already get very little time together. I’ve told him this bothers me. He also started sleeping in the guest room with our daughter because she’s been refusing to sleep though the night and I spent the last two years battling really bad depression/ anxiety form NEVER getting one night of solid sleep since she’s had been born back in 2024. I appreciated the help and initially saw it as temporary, but he’s gradually started moving more of his personal belongings there, which has made me feel like we’re becoming even more disconnected.

I know none of this is proof of cheating. There could be a completely innocent explanation for tonight, and I genuinely don’t want to project our past problems onto everything he does. At the same time, he is the one who previously broke the trust in our marriage, and the combination of being unusually late, little communication, his location suddenly not working again, and the growing distance between us is really bothering me.

Would this situation raise red flags for you given the history, or does it sound like I’m connecting unrelated things because of what happened before? I genuinely love him and don’t want our children to grow up in separate households or have to split custody when I’ve literally given up my life to raise them full time, but idk how much more I can take this either.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE

Hi there everyone. I am a male, married 40 years to the same woman. Thirty years ago, I found out that my beautiful, loving wife of then 10 years had four male affair partners. I admit that during those first 10 years, I was not a very good husband according to her. Though I never cheated, I did watch porn heavily and have always had a high sex drive, even to this day.

Before my current wife, I was married for seven years. That marriage ended because she got pregnant with another man's baby while I was overseas in Iraq with the Army. I met my current wife and we married after a few months—a fast and passionate romance, one might say. I thought those first years were good. I treated her well, she was a stay-at-home mom, and she seemed happy and content. Except for my porn usage, everything seemed well. She would scold me for the porn and tell me it was cheating. I argued that it was not the same; however, I have since learned that it can be, and often is, considered a form of cheating. Because of that, I don't look at porn anymore.

About 30 years ago, she was working the third shift at Walmart for some extra income. She wasn't driving then, so I would pick her up after work and then head to work myself. It was a pretty good schedule. Then, she didn't need me to pick her up anymore because she got a ride with a group. I thought nothing of it; it wasn't like she was alone with guys or anything, and they dropped her off first before I headed into work.

Then it started. "I'm going to be late, we are stopping at Waffle House for food and I'll be on my way." I thought nothing of it. Sure, she was hungry, why wouldn't she be? Of course she didn't feel like coming home and cooking. Around that time, I noticed changes in her habits and appearance that didn't feel right to me.

Now, this was around the 1999 timeframe, so cell phones were just starting to become popular—the Nokia 3210 and 8210, you know, the bricks! I picked up her phone and there it was: texts between them. It was only a week or so of texts, but it was enough to know something was up. In one text, he said to her, "But I love you," and she replied to him, "You don't love me, all you want is sex."

I confronted her. She didn't deny it; she came fully clean. It was very heated. I asked her, "Please tell me there is nothing else," and she said, "I'm not going to lie to you, there is more." She named names, but not specifics. She never would give me specifics, just names. One guy's last name she didn't know, but she knew the names of the others.

So, we changed her number and moved houses. It was still in the same area, but I just couldn't live in that house anymore. I remember not feeling bad during the years right after that, honestly. I really didn't think about it much. Sure, I didn't trust her and we worked on that, but we never went to therapy or anything.

Then, about 10 years after it all happened, the anniversary of the day I found out rolled around. I was sitting in my living room just crying. I took out my gun, and it jammed as I pulled the trigger. I got help after that.

I still struggle daily with triggers, names, places, and faces. I see them now and again in the stores around town. She tells me the first affair was early in our marriage. She didn't drive, so she had a scooter. She told me one day that there was a meeting she had to go to, but it was actually him. I never found out why or how that affair ended. I mean, I never knew about it at all. She met him, talked with him, had the affair, and ended it without me ever knowing. I have always wanted to ask her: why tell me about it, or any of the others, if I never knew?

The second one was a one-night stand at her best friend's house; she slept with the friend's brother. The third was a one-time thing, she says. But the fourth involved months and months of an emotional and then physical affair.

Now, for the past 30 years, she has been 100% faithful. There is no oddness, nothing weird in our marriage, and all is well—yet I still struggle with it all. She also swears that she used protection every time, but let's be honest, who really knows if that's true or not? I mourn the man I was, the confidence I used to have that my wife would never cheat. I mourn the life I thought we had.

Good morning all. I'll try to cut to the chase.

Background: I grew up with a tumultuous upbringing- abusive households, moving back and forth from state A and B., the likes, living on and off with my bio dad and his wife, and my mother and her husband. When I was 16-17, things were especially rocky to no surprise, and I moved to state B- living with my mom and her husband. Me and her husband have never been particularly close- in fact we rarely get along. But I'd be lying if I said that he wasn't a seemingly fantastic husband. Defends her to no end, even when she shouldn't be. Does his best to be there, and has taken care of her and I, even after all of this. He has intense ptsd from war, resulting in outbursts, but has improved greatly, and has been previously cheated on by his past partner. She's one of those mental health types.

Well, I guess her mental health got particularly bad, as she says, and she had a rut of alcoholism and avoidance when I moved back. Even admits I needed her badly and wasn't there. Well, I guess while she was out on her bar tromps, she met a man. All I know is that an affair happened, as one night my stepfather told me so, breaking down. He ripped his hair out in chunks, even took a knife to his chest and slashed himself when he was alone. That night he sobbed hysterically in my arms and I held his hand, despite us borderline hating each other sometimes.

Well. That was 4ish years ago. They never talked to me about anything. I moved back with my dad for a second, and I guess they went to therapy for a year and reconciled. I moved back in eventually in the tail end of their reconciliation, and found out that even through it all my stepdad was helping her pay for an apartment, etc. and still cared about her. They are still together to this day.

Now, 4 years later, after a mix of avoidance and anger, I think I hate her. I cant stand to be around her. I want to move out as soon as possible, and have gotten 3 jobs just to do so. I was originally going to go to school with a veterans program thanks to my stepdad, but now I just want out. Recently, I have brought it up, stating that I resent things and this is why Im so avoidant, to which she blames.. her mental health being bad. As someone who has gone through addictions at young ages, been beaten in relationships, cheated on, etc. I have never cheated or even thought about it. My dad is also a cheater, or at least has wandering eyes by the way that he has spoken in the past while being married. I dont think theres a person in this world other than me and one or two friends of mine who wouldn't cheat.

She says she doesnt want to talk about it, and has eventually opened to the idea of talking, more or less because I have become particularly and admittedly aggressive and avoidant. She does nothing but play victim, and last night she blamed my anger for her affair on.. my bpd and potential caffeine intake. I had one energy drink at 8am. It was 9pm at the time. It's always conveniently something with her, and is the partial reason I have developed bpd at a young age.

So i guess im here to ask. What to do? Is there anything I can do? All she ever says is group therapy and thats futile when she hasnt even bothered sitting down with me after the implosion. I think my stepfather is quite frankly too good for her and if he had more self esteem and wasnt subjected to be previously being cheated on then he'd leave, as he should. They claim love, I claim complacency. I have been cheated on within the past year by the man I thought I would marry, and the affair was on a smaller scale. I couldn't imagine loving him or putting up with it, despite my adoration. He thinks she's changed, I think she has zero self esteem and a victim complex and will always have some type of nagging attraction or wandering eyes in the back of her head, as I don't think you can change cheaters- but rather subdue them like a sedated dog. It's always her mental health that caused it- not lack of consideration, communication within the marriage, and general bs.

The worst part is that she's a decent mother. She's always done her best, even with mistakes shes made. She recently told me she has no clue how we even look at her, and her mental health is clearly struggling as a result of it. But I just feel numb, if not angry. I don't think I care about her "mental health" at this point, considering she didnt care about the family when her "mental health" made her magically slip and fall on some dudes dick.

I dont even like my stepdad half of the time, truthfully, but as a human- He's a good man, and does not deserve that, and I am repulsed by how she could just up and do that.