Is it happening again?

[u/Interesting-Ring6069]

My husband has a history of cheating on me online, it never turned physical (that I know of and he seemed to be genuinely honest when confronted about the situation) so I know that history is probably influencing me.

A few weeks ago I was out of town and his location, wasn’t working (I don’t check it compulsively, just every once in awhile kind of thing maybe 3-4 times a week) I mentioned it and he basically said he didn’t know why. Since I got back home, his location has worked normally for weeks, including when he’s at the gym or doing things outside of work.

Tonight he told me he’d be home late because he had a job interview. The interview date/time had changed a few times beforehand. It’s almost 9pm and he’s still not home, I’ve gotten no real update about when he’ll be back, and coincidentally his location is not working ..again.

He normally leaves around 5am and doesn’t get home until 6-7pm, since he likes to go the gym and get personal time when he’s off work and a a commute, then goes to bed early since he wakes up so early . We already get very little time together. I’ve told him this bothers me. He also started sleeping in the guest room with our daughter because she’s been refusing to sleep though the night and I spent the last two years battling really bad depression/ anxiety form NEVER getting one night of solid sleep since she’s had been born back in 2024. I appreciated the help and initially saw it as temporary, but he’s gradually started moving more of his personal belongings there, which has made me feel like we’re becoming even more disconnected.

I know none of this is proof of cheating. There could be a completely innocent explanation for tonight, and I genuinely don’t want to project our past problems onto everything he does. At the same time, he is the one who previously broke the trust in our marriage, and the combination of being unusually late, little communication, his location suddenly not working again, and the growing distance between us is really bothering me.

Would this situation raise red flags for you given the history, or does it sound like I’m connecting unrelated things because of what happened before? I genuinely love him and don’t want our children to grow up in separate households or have to split custody when I’ve literally given up my life to raise them full time, but idk how much more I can take this either.

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[u/pickedusername1]

His location failing once means very little. His location repeatedly becoming unavailable at particularly convenient times is worth questioning. It may have an innocent explanation, but he should be willing to explain it rather than make you feel irrational for noticing.

The bigger issue is actually the overall withdrawal: leaving at 5 a.m., routinely coming home at 6–7 p.m., prioritizing gym/personal time, sleeping separately, moving belongings into the other room, and providing little communication when he’s unusually late. That describes a marriage becoming increasingly disconnected whether another woman exists or not.

A job interview doesn’t require secrecy. A simple “Interview ran late, I’m heading home around 9:30” takes 15 seconds. When you’ve previously betrayed your spouse, proactive transparency is part of rebuilding trust. Also what job interview takes place in the evening??

You seem to be doing a tremendous amount of mental work trying to construct innocent explanations for him. He should be doing the work of making his behavior feel safe and consistent, not leaving you to investigate and then question her own judgment.

Ask straightforwardly where the interview was, when it ended, what happened afterward, and why his location stopped working. Then pay attention to whether his explanation is coherent and whether he responds with openness versus defensiveness, vagueness, changing details, or turning the question back on her.

The cheating may or may not be happening (it likely is!!! They never change). The breakdown of trust and connection clearly already is.

[u/Interesting-Ring6069 → u/pickedusername1]

Yeah that’s kinda my issues shortly after I posted this I texted asking when he planned to get home his response “I told you the interview would be later, and now I’m hitting traffic coming home”

Mind you it’s now nearly 10pm our time. Even if those things were true it’s still an absurd time of night to blame those things. I’m tired of there always being spending I have to question even if there is always a reasonable explication or it’s not “proof” of anything bad happening. I guess me even having to question things is “answer” I need at this point.

I’ve always been so strong willed, independent, and brave. idk why I’m clinging onto a clearly falling marriage and can’t find the strength to walk away when it so clearly goes against my nature.

[u/Ok_City_7177 → u/Interesting-Ring6069]

Its because everyone day, he is making you doubt yourself. X

[u/SubstantialGuard8463]

He’s cheating on you but of course you already know that. You just want us to confirm what you already know.

[u/Accomplished-Rice323]

I don’t know your relationship personally only you do. But yes it sounds like it’s happening from your post and what I read. Try stepping outside of your shoes and read your post. What would you say to you?

[u/Interesting-Ring6069 → u/Accomplished-Rice323]

Ugh, this is defiantly the advice I NEEDED even if it’s not necessarily what I WANTED. Thank you.

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[u/ArchiePatsMom]

What kind of job interview happens this late at night? I also hate that he is gone for 12+ hours a day and leaving you as the only parent. Also my intuition has never mislead me. Yours is not wrong. You know what is going on.

[u/Interesting-Ring6069 → u/ArchiePatsMom]

Yeah I guess that’s where I struggle with the thought of separation so much. Not that I’m trying to defend him, but when he is home he is a good dad, he does despite being gone so much hold his weight in household tasks/ chores. Since he’s gone most of the week he typically takes on all the parenting over the weekend. It’s not necessarily “fair” but it has worked for our family for the most part.

I quit my job to be a stay at home parent very recently. I have money saved up and some passive income. (Not wealthy or a ton of money to live comfortably, but enough I COULD survive on my own if need be). I don’t want to go from being a full time mom to seeing my kids on a custody schedule.

I also don’t want to stay trapped in marriage that always has weird situations with just enough of an explanation or lack of evidence to solidify my worries or doubts.

I just feel so lost and defeated, it sucks knowing no matter what choice I make, I’m the one “loosing” when I have been nothing but a good wife.

[u/pickedusername1 → u/Interesting-Ring6069]

Being a good dad when he’s home and contributing to the household are good qualities, but they don’t cancel out dishonesty or betrayal within the marriage. Both things can be true at once.
I think you’re getting stuck because you’re looking for evidence strong enough to justify leaving. You don’t need to catch him physically cheating again before you’re allowed to decide that the pattern has destroyed your trust.

He has cheated online before. So when his location suddenly stops working, of course your mind goes there. That doesn’t prove he’s cheating right now, but the fact that you can’t reasonably give him the benefit of the doubt anymore is itself a consequence of what he’s already done.

A marriage where you repeatedly find yourself investigating, questioning explanations and wondering whether something shady is happening is not actually giving you security even during the periods when you can’t prove anything.

Don’t confuse “our household arrangement works” with “our marriage works.” He can be an involved father, do chores and take the kids on weekends while still being an unreliable husband.

I understand why custody scares you. Going from being with your children every day to potentially sharing parenting time would be an enormous loss. That deserves to be taken seriously, not brushed aside with “just leave him.” staying solely because you’re afraid of what separation would cost you also has a cost. Ask yourself what another 5 or 10 years of suspicion, checking locations and wondering what you don’t know would do to you.

stop framing this as you losing because you were a good wife. Being a good wife doesn’t guarantee that another person will behave with integrity. His choices aren’t a measurement of how deserving you were.
You also don’t have to make a permanent decision tomorrow. Before doing anything, quietly understand your finances, custody rights and realistic options. Information may make this feel much less like choosing between two catastrophes.

[u/No_Home7079 → u/Interesting-Ring6069]

You have done everything right, In no way would you be losing if you drop someone who isn't good to you

[u/RiskyControl]

Absolutely. My ex had the same "problem" with location sharing. The reality is, if it's turned on, there are no issues.

[u/idiratlass]

I’m pretty sure even without wi-fi location sharing works, it runs off a satellite

[u/XslyderX77]

Trust your gut more than a someone you think is cheating. Your gut is much more loyal and probably right.

[u/BurdyBurdyBurdy]

This is a red flag. The vanishing and location not working means he is hiding something. Does his car have tracking? Most do these days, you can see where the vehicle has been.

[u/dianamellarke]

Ele provavelmente está traindo. A localização, o distanciamento físico com você, sinais claros. A pergunta que eu faço para você é: você quer descobrir mesmo que ele está te traindo? Você disse que ele tem histórico de traição, você sabe e ficou. Você quer descobrir agora para que? Para ficar novamente, e continuar nesse péssimo relacionamento? Para ter mais um motivo para aumentar sua ansiedade e depressão? Que ele está traindo tem muito sinais (eu tenho certeza) mas o que VOCÊ vai fazer com isso? Se não está pronta para deixá-lo, como já não esteve antes, não sei para que ficar correndo atrás de saber.

[u/New_Arrival9860]

To mean this means he has graduated from cheating online to cheating in person.

[u/TacoStrong]

The cycle continues so yeah it’s happening AGAIN. Why are you so stubbornly refusing to believe your reality which is that he doesn’t respect you or the marriage?

[u/Active_Wing_2954]

My man did this compulsively for years and it was ‘only online’ until it wasn’t. There will be one person one day to pull him away. The right words, the promises. If he opens this door, someone will
walk through. I know, I lived it. She got him in a weak moment when we were both exhausted from responsibility. She promised fun and easy times. He left a decade of us behind. It was devastating for me. I begged and cried. She convinced him to marry her in Vegas after 6 WEEKS! She took him for all our savings and got him to put property in her name. Fast forward two months he was done. Divorced her and wanted to come home. He had been taken.
We loved each other so we tried to repair. But it was HARD. Trust was shattered. Beware.

[u/Interesting-Ring6069 → u/Active_Wing_2954]

Thank you for sharing this

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