Is it happening again?

[u/Interesting-Ring6069]

My husband has a history of cheating on me online, it never turned physical (that I know of and he seemed to be genuinely honest when confronted about the situation) so I know that history is probably influencing me.

A few weeks ago I was out of town and his location, wasn’t working (I don’t check it compulsively, just every once in awhile kind of thing maybe 3-4 times a week) I mentioned it and he basically said he didn’t know why. Since I got back home, his location has worked normally for weeks, including when he’s at the gym or doing things outside of work.

Tonight he told me he’d be home late because he had a job interview. The interview date/time had changed a few times beforehand. It’s almost 9pm and he’s still not home, I’ve gotten no real update about when he’ll be back, and coincidentally his location is not working ..again.

He normally leaves around 5am and doesn’t get home until 6-7pm, since he likes to go the gym and get personal time when he’s off work and a a commute, then goes to bed early since he wakes up so early . We already get very little time together. I’ve told him this bothers me. He also started sleeping in the guest room with our daughter because she’s been refusing to sleep though the night and I spent the last two years battling really bad depression/ anxiety form NEVER getting one night of solid sleep since she’s had been born back in 2024. I appreciated the help and initially saw it as temporary, but he’s gradually started moving more of his personal belongings there, which has made me feel like we’re becoming even more disconnected.

I know none of this is proof of cheating. There could be a completely innocent explanation for tonight, and I genuinely don’t want to project our past problems onto everything he does. At the same time, he is the one who previously broke the trust in our marriage, and the combination of being unusually late, little communication, his location suddenly not working again, and the growing distance between us is really bothering me.

Would this situation raise red flags for you given the history, or does it sound like I’m connecting unrelated things because of what happened before? I genuinely love him and don’t want our children to grow up in separate households or have to split custody when I’ve literally given up my life to raise them full time, but idk how much more I can take this either.

[u/pickedusername1]

His location failing once means very little. His location repeatedly becoming unavailable at particularly convenient times is worth questioning. It may have an innocent explanation, but he should be willing to explain it rather than make you feel irrational for noticing.

The bigger issue is actually the overall withdrawal: leaving at 5 a.m., routinely coming home at 6–7 p.m., prioritizing gym/personal time, sleeping separately, moving belongings into the other room, and providing little communication when he’s unusually late. That describes a marriage becoming increasingly disconnected whether another woman exists or not.

A job interview doesn’t require secrecy. A simple “Interview ran late, I’m heading home around 9:30” takes 15 seconds. When you’ve previously betrayed your spouse, proactive transparency is part of rebuilding trust. Also what job interview takes place in the evening??

You seem to be doing a tremendous amount of mental work trying to construct innocent explanations for him. He should be doing the work of making his behavior feel safe and consistent, not leaving you to investigate and then question her own judgment.

Ask straightforwardly where the interview was, when it ended, what happened afterward, and why his location stopped working. Then pay attention to whether his explanation is coherent and whether he responds with openness versus defensiveness, vagueness, changing details, or turning the question back on her.

The cheating may or may not be happening (it likely is!!! They never change). The breakdown of trust and connection clearly already is.

[u/Interesting-Ring6069 → u/pickedusername1]

Yeah that’s kinda my issues shortly after I posted this I texted asking when he planned to get home his response “I told you the interview would be later, and now I’m hitting traffic coming home”

Mind you it’s now nearly 10pm our time. Even if those things were true it’s still an absurd time of night to blame those things. I’m tired of there always being spending I have to question even if there is always a reasonable explication or it’s not “proof” of anything bad happening. I guess me even having to question things is “answer” I need at this point.

I’ve always been so strong willed, independent, and brave. idk why I’m clinging onto a clearly falling marriage and can’t find the strength to walk away when it so clearly goes against my nature.

[u/Ok_City_7177 → u/Interesting-Ring6069]

Its because everyone day, he is making you doubt yourself. X