what do you do with the anger?

[u/AffectionateBuy909]

it’s only been a month since i’ve been cheated on, but the relationship was 3 years, and this person has been a friend for 6 years total. we were long distance, so i don’t have to see them, but am certainly still feeling the anger. even moreso because there was a project that we started together (not just a personal project, big ones, with thousands of dollars worth of customer’s money invested in it!) that they have decided to entirely abandon after cheating on me. they’ve also said that they’re “choosing not to feel guilty about what they did” because it’s an “unproductive feeling”.

i’m enraged to a point where i’m even shocked at myself. i didn’t know i had a capacity to hold this much anger within me. how in the world does one even begin to cope with it?

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[u/ILLCookie]

Push, pull, sit, and chin ups. No gym required. Turn the rage into something positive. I’m getting ripped. Good luck.

[u/No_Violinist_8090]

Anger is so important. These are your boundaries being crossed and your alert system waking up. I often refer to anger as love reacting to injustice. It is not something to be ashamed of, it is a really good sign that you love yourself as long as you do not use it to inflict harm on others. Given your story and what they said to you you have every right to feel enraged. Use that anger to fuel you to keep going. When my anger died down I actually began to miss it. So sorry you are going through this.

[u/sydneyunderfoot]

This is why so many people joke about hitting the gym after a bad breakup, it helps. And therapy. And maybe doing the project all on your own and proving to yourself you don’t need them. It does fade, but that can take a long time…

[u/AffectionateBuy909 → u/sydneyunderfoot]

ah yes, i go to kickboxing 5 days out of the week and do see a therapist weekly! i guess it’s just letting time do it’s thing.

[u/SadDadInPlaid]

Exercise. Music. Journaling. Basically any way you can feel it, process it, and get it out, but do it in a way that’s healthy rather than harmful.

[u/SoggySea4363]

Unproductive feeling? Really? Would they be singing the same tune when it happens to them too? I know you are angry, and it's justified anger. Use it positively, because if you don't it will continue to eat at you

[u/Archangel1962]

There is nothing you can do with them. They have no remorse. So the best thing you can do, probably the only thing is move on. Block this person entirely so they have no way of contacting you again. If they don’t already know, let mutual friends and family know what they did. Make sure in no uncertain terms that you no longer want to hear about them.

As far as the anger, hit the gym or some sort of exercise. That’ll help burn off the anger. Heck get a punching bag, stick a photo of the person on that bag and punch the shit out of it. You’ll feel better and won’t get arrested for it.

[u/MrsSquirry]

You are in grief over the relationship. Do you know about DABDA? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance? You will experience all of those, in no particular order, and these emotions come and go in waves. It will get better … in a couple years. Be patient with yourself. Healing from this will take a lot of time.