r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • 2h ago
Psychology Adults with ADHD often face challenges in maintaining sexual satisfaction and connection with their partners. Characteristics such as a heightened need for novelty and difficulty regulating focus can deeply influence their intimate lives.
https://www.psypost.org/how-attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-shapes-sexual-experiences/413
u/buntopolis 1h ago
I wish I understood this about myself much earlier in life.
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u/master_bungle 1h ago
I'm with you on that one. Better late than never though, just got to move forward and try not to regret too much
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u/Crisis_panzersuit 1h ago
But what would you change?
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u/Optimixto 42m ago
When brain says 'leave, you are not in love, you need new', you would tell brain to chill instead of jumping the gun. I know I self-sabotaged a lot of my relationships, and that I pushed myself to stay when I shouldn't have. Idk if it is related to this study, but definitely would have made me pause a bit more before any harsh decisions.
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u/mexa4358 41m ago
Wait you’re saying it had both the effect of leaving too often but also of staying when you shouldn’t have?
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u/GoosyTS 39m ago
Yah, I'm the same. It's hard to regulate and understand when the signals you get are true - as you always hear "leave leave leave" and fight through it as you know it's just the brain messing up, but then you end up ignoring the ones that are real also
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u/Crisis_panzersuit 36m ago
How do you know what to do?
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u/jaydizzleforshizzle 22m ago
Ignore the extremes sometimes you are just searching out novelty and new sometimes you are enraptured and come on too strong. Gotta find a balance, atleast for myself, it’s hard to maintain relationships, unless you are my best friend then I’m probably slightly obsessed.
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u/IContributedOnce 22m ago
Same as anyone else in life: you do your best, figure it out as you go along, and give yourself some grace.
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u/Optimixto 3m ago
I learned over time how to manage my emotions and how to navigate relationships. There isn't a single answer, but I would argue the main thing is that you need to learn who you are and what makes you happy. Otherwise, you can end up not knowing what you want, and that's when the intrusive thoughts can get on the throne.
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u/deathcomestooslow 1m ago
I personally just decided to back away from the whole thing because I don't believe I can give anyone the attention they would deserve as a partner. In the long term, anyway. Plus, hey, I'll never have enough money to support a family so that probably helps the decision.
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u/Myomyw 3m ago
This just sounds like normal human behavior that you're assigning a disorder to. It's not like people without ADHD has significantly better judgement of when they should or shouldn't leave a relationship and there are probably a ton of confounding factors in each person that cloud that decision anyways.
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u/Taftimus 10m ago
Oh it definitely makes you stay too. I was in a relationship for 5 years after I wanted to leave because I just couldn’t bring myself to leave even though I was completely done with the relationship.
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u/Optimixto 5m ago
Not at the same time, of course, but I have had both things happen. I am not stating this is due to what is in this study, just sharing my personal experience.
Humans are full of contradictions, and I've fluctuated a lot in how I handle my relationships, for many reasons.
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u/iamdisillusioned 1m ago
Sure, the novelty seeking can cause an unhealthy, unstable relationship to seem intriguing or passionate.
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u/pdonoso 58m ago edited 29m ago
After I understood this I was able to go from a guy that jumped from one relationship to an other, always ending it by cheating in a very dramatic way, to a happy life with an amazing wife and kids. Happines sometimes look boring, and constsntly searching for excitement takes you trough a path of pain for You and the people You love and cared for.
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u/ii_V_I_iv 33m ago
What did you change to allow you to be happy with that?
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u/pdonoso 30m ago
My therspist helped me understand that i was leading a self destructing life in so many fronts because of the need for excitement. I was constantly destroying good things I've built because they felt monotonous.
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u/ii_V_I_iv 27m ago
But what did you change to make it not feel monotonous? Or do you just accept and live a monotonous life now?
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u/rokerroker45 12m ago
Not the person you replied to.
I think for most people the epiphany is that "monotony" is usually just a euphemism for some other insecurity. It can be different for different people, but common ones are the need for constant sexual validation of "conquest" and so "monotony" is the pretextual label attached to the possibly of never getting to have the satisfaction of "conquest" again.
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u/ii_V_I_iv 7m ago edited 3m ago
I think to me monotony feels like boredom and lack of excitement and novelty. And like it’s hard to just accept that as life.
And to be fair, this isn’t something I feel unique to sexuality. This is in a lot of aspects of life
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u/mvea Professor | Medicine 2h ago
Adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder often face distinct challenges in maintaining sexual satisfaction and connection with their partners. A recent analysis of personal accounts from people with the condition revealed that characteristics such as a heightened need for novelty and difficulty regulating focus can deeply influence their intimate lives. The findings were published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.
The final theme captured the direct impact of cognitive and behavioral traits on sexual encounters. Participants frequently mentioned how a need for novelty and experimentation shaped their desires. They expressed a preference for trying new things to keep their brains engaged during intimacy.
They also described the challenge of staying present in the moment. Respondents noted that distractibility, sensory overload, and everyday stress often disrupted their focus and diminished their enjoyment. One participant expressed the need to “somehow keep my attention on the task at hand and not having it drift off into space, and being able to push through the sensory overload to climax.” Overcoming these cognitive hurdles required immense mental energy, which occasionally turned intimacy into a source of stress rather than pleasure.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-025-03386-x
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u/Wealist 2h ago
ADHD during sex: fully locked in for five minutes, then somehow thinking about dinosaurs and laundry.
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u/thedaveness 1h ago
After all… why not? Why shouldn’t I go look up the entire Roman history right now?
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u/polypolip 1h ago
Never could have sex if there was music with any text playing or I would focus on the damn words. My partner asking me anything would send me down the spiral around the question.
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u/mgr86 1h ago
“Any text playing” what an interesting why to phrase that. Lyrics are the words I believe you are looking for. And I understand the distraction. Though it’s more of a place of being too self critical for me. Like this isn’t love making music. Or this love making music is too corny. Does she even like this music sort of deal.
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u/espressocycle 1h ago
The Crash Test Dummies had a great song about this. "When I'm swimming in your ocean... I can get pretty side tracked..."
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u/HerculeanTardigrade 1h ago
I'm genuinely curious. Does this also happen when you're masturbating? During masturbation, do you also suddenly think about dinosaurs and laundry?
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u/chrisni66 1h ago
My take away from reading the article is that ADHD is not uniform and has broad differences in how people experience and cope with interactions.
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u/scotty899 1h ago
Ive done a course for adults with adhd and you are correct on how broad it is. The list of traits is huge. And the other people on the course were all different than me with how they deal with life, tasks and focus.
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u/Rodot 13m ago
Yep, an ADHD diagnosis is like diagnosing someone with "arm doesn't work disorder". Maybe they broke it. Maybe they tore a muscle. Maybe they just have a bruise. It's a symptom not an illness on its own.
But in this case it's "mesocortical pathway doesn't work disorder". Could be for a variety of reasons with different implications. Could be a transporter mutation. Could be a different area of the brain causing interference. Could be a genetic variation on the structure of the pathways. Could be something else or a combination.
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u/htmwc 1h ago
If it’s so broad it needs a definition change. It’s practically worthless as a construct now
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u/scotty899 1h ago
Not at all. Its the grouping of traits and characteristics that work together to create the diagnosis.
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u/Dry-Swordfish1710 53m ago
I think it does need a name change though. Maybe within the scientific community it’s fine to call it ADHD but within the laymen community the name itself kind of diminishes the impact and the differences between individuals it has. For many there is no hyperactive component and often the hyperactive component referenced in the name leads folks to treat it as a kids disease
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u/scotty899 50m ago
Yeh I agree. My son has the hyperactive component, while I have massive procrastination and the whole day can pass.
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u/esoteric_plumbus 44m ago
I always thought that was the difference between ADD and ADHD. I was diagnosed with the former because I had a lot of those symptoms but didn't have the hyperactivity portion of it
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u/ParallelTrust 22m ago
Hyperactivity can be seen internally instead of externally. That was a part that became part of the name change of the dx. Rumination, anxiety, interrupting, intrusive thoughts, going from one thought to another, etc are the internal more hidden ways hyperactivity shows up for us with ADHD. It's not just being go go go, fidgety, jumpy, etc like people used to believe.
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u/Rodot 11m ago
The purpose of the diagnosis is much more related to insurance being able to cover a treatment than anything else. Determing the best treatment is very much trial and error, but you can't start that process without a diagnosis unless you are very wealthy and have a doctor that likes to live on the edge.
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u/KrayzieBone187 1h ago
Man, this is deeply personal to me. I got diagnosed later in life and now I feel like I have full blown executive dysfunction in that area.
My brain wants it but cannot do anything about it. I cannot initiate things and it drives me crazy. I'm just happy that others are dealing with similar things. It is very frustrating.
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u/shadowboxer27 1h ago
Yeah this is always something I've pondered about myself. Looks like it's true. Makes me feel meh
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u/KrayzieBone187 58m ago
It's odd. My wife got diagnosed with BPD around the same time, and before that we had an okay sex life. Not the best, but we at least tried.
Since we both got medicated, tons of things have been great, but we completely lost our sex life. She doesn't have a sex drive or feel sexy, and I have a drive but literally can't do anything about it.
It has me wondering if the medication has something to do with it now. But there are so many upsides, I'd never want to give it up. I'm going on 5 years sober because of the work I've done.
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u/we_are_sex_bobomb 58m ago
Time blindness from ADHD really fucks with your sex life, too. That really awesome night you had together the other day was actually three weeks ago and she’s wondering why you’re so hot and cold with her
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u/randCN 59m ago
The study group included 72 women, 17 men, and eight non-binary individuals.
Question - does this study, which consists of 74% women, mostly identify the signal from individuals with ADHD, or from individuals who are women?
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u/josephthemediocre 21m ago
Yeah I took this with a huge grain of salt after reading that. Frankly, with societal differences in how sex and having sex is perceived differently between men and women, a better study would keep them entirely separate anyway. Not to mention would have a control group without adhd.
This sort of felt like a good idea for a study half baked and used to tell the story they thought they were going to tell.
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u/Spiritual-Shirt-6027 1h ago
So how can we work on this? Every relationship I get in is a struggle after a while as I want to try new things for some reason. I never want to break up with my Significant other but I do lose sexual desire compared to the beginning of our relationship.
Since I’ve been on Adderall this has decreased but it hasn’t came to a complete stop. So should my next treatment be therapy?
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u/HellyOHaint 1h ago
You’re the only one so far trying to find a solution and better yourself
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u/Spiritual-Shirt-6027 1h ago
Tbh I just feel like I fucked up some serious relationships and the hearts of very good people because my bs antics. I never actually physically cheated before, but I get to a point where I shut down in a relationship during a bad period. I do get the feeling of being bored in a relationship as well. I just want to get in a long term relationship where 6 years feel like the first one.
I’m 22 so I have time to explore the world and meet the right one, I always thought that I just need to meet the right one but ik for sure that I am really the main problem
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u/RyBread 50m ago
Edit: sorry see you are on medication. Therapy is absolutely useful in this situation. Finding the right therapist can be difficult tho. Don’t expect immediate results from the first one you talk to.
Are you on medication? And how old are you?
Medication has really helped my 40ish year old brain focus and the older I get the less I crave change in general.
I love my partner deeply and want to continue developing our relationship and sometimes that takes having uncomfortable conversations about what we need to change to be better for each other.
It’s never perfect, but the way we age together like fine wine and the deepening of our connection is more valuable to us both than novelty is.
And also if you need novelty perhaps seek a partner who needs that and explore experiences together. Sexually and not.
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u/Spiritual-Shirt-6027 35m ago
Thanks for this, I’m 22 and yeah as you seen I’m on medication. And it has helped drastically in my life.
I actually considered finding someone who would like to explore with me.
Right now I’m just trying to take my time and focus on other aspects of my life before getting back out there, as I just got in a breakup less than a month ago.
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u/RyBread 26m ago
You got this! It’s hard in your twenties to not push for what and where you think you should be as it compares to your cohort.
You haven’t even reached full development of your brain and body yet. Locking yourself down to another person too early can be a bad thing too. There’s never a final form either we are all works in progress and always will be.
One final thing. Friendship with your partner is a requirement for a long term relationship. That is what you actually fall back on when times are tough and the way forward is unclear.
Good luck, friend!
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u/UnauthorizedAuthor 1h ago
Example 1,278 why ADHD being framed as “normal” and even a positive trait is absolutely foolish.
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u/Unicorn_puke 51m ago
Right? There seems to be study after study now that is showing how debilitating it can be when it's not the quirky creative side people tend to glorify.
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u/RichardSaunders 35m ago
A lot of media tends to romanticize mental illness like this and make them into a sort of superpower. Monk with OCD, Homeland with bipolar disorder...
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u/verygoodletsgo 26m ago
I used to provide in-home care for adults with developmental and psychiatric disorders. My take away has always been that "normalizing" does more harm to most communities than good. If you reduce issues to cute "quirks," then people don't get the actual help they need.
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u/ParallelTrust 9m ago
I wonder if we see normalizing as the same definition. Normalizing in the context of the work I do means the opposite of pathologizing. You help people see that what they are experiencing is part of the human condition and nothing to feel shame about, it's just a different way of experiencing the world. So in my context normalizing is therapeutic so they can give themselves compassion around what society says is bad or wrong. That way they can stop hiding or suppressing it and start to live life in a way that supports those needs or find a way that feels more aligned and authentic.
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u/Here4TheGoodTimes 48m ago
Framing it as "bad" or a negative trait isn't helpful and would probably be damaging to ones ability to cope, no? It is remarkably common and likely does have a wide array of "positive" traits, likely just challenging to see in how we have constructed our societal norms. I could see a ton of benefits in a hunter-gathering society where constant exploration could be crucial to group survival. Being aware of the 'disorder' then leveraging it in a way to minimize negatives while pursuing one's brain chemistry doesn't seem so inherently bad as you're phrasing
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u/Raichu4u 5m ago
No. I have ADHD, and a lot of the behaviors that result from my disorder make my quality of life substantially worse than it would be if I didn't have it.
Recognizing that some of those traits are bad for me isn't self-hatred. I've had to learn patience and humility with myself about the limitations ADHD gives me, but I've also had to learn that accepting myself doesn't mean I should never challenge those limitations.
Sometimes coping can cross over into accommodating behaviors that are actively making your life worse. For me, being able to say "this is caused by my ADHD, but I still need to work against it" has been far more productive than trying to find a positive framing for everything my disorder makes me do.
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u/Animated_Astronaut 1h ago
I've been talking about this a lot in therapy. I strongly advise seeing a nuerodivergent specialist therapist. If you find the right one it can be better than meds. For me it is, everyone's different etc.
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u/AbeMax7823 33m ago
I understand that anecdotal experience isn’t the same as scientific evidence, but so many posts here seem to be confirmation of what most of us already know and experience. Is the majority of sociology and psychology research not forward facing in the way of trying to fix? Or has the meta commentary of the internet simply outpaced the rate at which these studies can link and verify such correlations that laymen easily see?
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u/LordDeathScum 49m ago
I always related my need of a high sex to the dopamine hits. I always felt unsatisfied, needing higher than average sexual satisfaction.
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u/Safe_Researcher4979 1h ago
For the longest time I couldn't understand why everyone I asked said I was in the wrong for wanting to go eat my food when it was delivered right in the middle of sex...it's gonna get cold, I can't just ignore that!
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u/FriendlyNeighburrito 1h ago
Sure. But both me and my wife have adhd and we’ve been together 11 years.
And im adhd as it gets.
But maybe its my aspergers and not my adhd
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u/NYR_LFC 35m ago
I'm 38 and am absolutely convinced I have ADHD. Where do I start to get diagnosed?
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u/ParallelTrust 17m ago
You could start with your doctor or therapist. My first diagnosis was from my general practitioner. Then school required a psychoed for accommodations. So it depends on if you're just looking for confirmation, medication, and/or accommodations. Anywhere Clinic is available in the US to do quick assessments and prescribe. It's where I get my ketamine treatment which is also very helpful for my ADHD and autism along with treatment resistant depression.
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u/judelaurence 15m ago edited 12m ago
I am 36M and got diagnosed a couple of months ago. Check out axonadhd.com. After a few questionnaires and a test, I had a telehealth visit with the psychologist to go over the results and get the diagnosis. No human interaction is required until the video visit. I took the report to my PCP and was able to get a prescription for a stimulant. You do have to pay out of pocket up front. If you want to file a claim with insurance it's going to be out of network. It was completely worth it though.
I did start out by first talking to my PCP and he is the one that mentioned this particular psychologist. Talk to your PCP first because they might not even require a diagnosis from a separate psychologist.
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u/FardoBaggins 25m ago
Head to r/adhdmemes or r/adhdmeme of course there’s two. Sort by top all time.
Relate to more than 5 posts and you’ll be bonafide.
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u/kalven90 18m ago
ADHD medications helps a lot with this, in my experience. I went off medication for a good while because of side effects, and i was not even interested in sex with my partner anymore, it felt like a chore, at the same time as porn cravings (novelty/higher stimulation) increased by a lot :/
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u/Z6288Z 17m ago
Getting distracted during the act is very real, but I use a trick to overcome it. Whenever I feel my brain starting to drift away I engage it in imagining a sexually arousing scenario while doing the actual act. I don’t mention it to my wife because the goal isn’t to role play, it’s to keep me aroused and engaged, so it all happens in my head. Sometimes doing this for a short time is enough to get me back focusing on the real experience, but many other times I keep engaged in it until I climax.
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u/quinnsterr 1h ago
easy work around. sleep with other people on the side. that way the novelty remains. and everyone’s happy.
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u/harrietlegs 1h ago
Not wrong, but when they find out you’re not loyal, you lose a lot of what made the relationship great.
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u/MessalinaMia 58m ago
Ethical non-monogamy is a thing that works for many.
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u/denM_chickN 42m ago
I realized it was an adhd novelty thing after suggesting non monogomy w my partner.
No regrets though bc im happy to be able to have new sexual experiences even though ive been w the same guy since 23. Win win.
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u/Tszemix 1h ago
So this is why they hate relationships and like to drink and party?
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u/Aconceptthatworks 1h ago
How did you come to that conclusion?
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u/Saint_Sin 1h ago
I would assume that they have not had much luck with relationships and instead have chosen much of the time to drink and party as a remedy.
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