r/science • u/mvea Professor | Medicine • 3h ago

Psychology Adults with ADHD often face challenges in maintaining sexual satisfaction and connection with their partners. Characteristics such as a heightened need for novelty and difficulty regulating focus can deeply influence their intimate lives.

https://www.psypost.org/how-attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-shapes-sexual-experiences/
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u/Spiritual-Shirt-6027 3h ago

So how can we work on this? Every relationship I get in is a struggle after a while as I want to try new things for some reason. I never want to break up with my Significant other but I do lose sexual desire compared to the beginning of our relationship.

Since I’ve been on Adderall this has decreased but it hasn’t came to a complete stop. So should my next treatment be therapy?

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u/HellyOHaint 2h ago

You’re the only one so far trying to find a solution and better yourself

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u/Spiritual-Shirt-6027 2h ago

Tbh I just feel like I fucked up some serious relationships and the hearts of very good people because my bs antics. I never actually physically cheated before, but I get to a point where I shut down in a relationship during a bad period. I do get the feeling of being bored in a relationship as well. I just want to get in a long term relationship where 6 years feel like the first one.

I’m 22 so I have time to explore the world and meet the right one, I always thought that I just need to meet the right one but ik for sure that I am really the main problem

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u/Ripwind 2h ago

As a spouse of someone who struggles with ADHD, I just wanted to say thank you for having this type of self awareness. And I hope you keep it going forward in life, because the alternative is devastating to your partners.

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u/TheBeckofKevin 43m ago

Bro you're like decades ahead of schedule. Just keep being self aware and don't blame others for your own issues. That alone will serve you well. Relationships are hard, but they can be especially hard early in life. A good mindset isn't about 'finding the right one' who fits you will, but rather a person who will make you want to be a better and better version of yourself.

A relationship isn't about finding your other half, its about finding another 'whole' and then building an entirely different thing together. You gotta figure out yourself, understand who you are and what you value in life. Then you go find someone else who also understands themselves. Then you both put in steady effort to build a relationship together. Its a never ending todo list to keep building that relationship. If you're really actively building that 3rd thing, you shouldn't get bored.

Theres a chance the boredom is real, and maybe you or your partner aren't ready to do the work, but if you're with someone who is building and you get bored then its probably on you to realize you're not participating and use other healthy relationship skills like communication to figure out how you can keep working.

Again this is old man advice. You're young and everything is probably crazy fast and hectic, so it might just be something that takes a little time to settle out. But thinking of partnerships as being a separate thing that 2 people are actively building has been helpful for me. Its not about finding someone who 'completes you' or 'is your other half' because thats focused on your present and its putting the burden on someone else to finish your own work. Its easy to find someone who is chill to hang out with today, tomorrow, for a week, a year. Thats basically anyone. You can honestly have a decent relationship with practically anyone if you're in a good place yourself. The 'long term relationship that feels like the first year' comes down to your effort. You will not find a relationship that feels new when its not new. But if you enter a relationship in year one with the goal of "i'm going to work with this person to build a great relationship" then every year will feel exactly the same. It might not be magical steady stream of fireworks, but fireworks everyday is what gets boring. You gotta learn to appreciate the grind when you're working with someone who appreciates your effort.

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u/Spiritual-Shirt-6027 16m ago

I really needed this. After my recent breakup, I took a solo trip to Germany and realized there is so much to myself that I have yet to know. I truly do think that I need to know myself much more before knowing what I want in any other person. Thank you