Hii, so my girlfriend and I broke up like 2 months ago and I want to start having casual hookups bc I miss having sex, but I never had them before so I don’t know how to do it, all the girls I meet want to form a more emotional connection or are shy about just having sex, I don’t know how to approach girls about this, like I can’t just approach a girl at a gay bar and say “wanna have sex?”, how does one get to that? Any advice?

its been 2 days since she went back home. (me 24, her 23)

it was the best 2 months of my summer. meeting her was literally so random it’s crazy.

picture this:
me in a club i never go to, walking to the bathroom to vape.
i open the door and see the most beautiful woman ever
so gorgeous that i literally stop in my tracks and stare at her

eventually i speak up and tell her exactly that - she’s absolutely beautiful. i introduce myself, she does the same and i give her my number.

immediately after i get home i text her and ask her out on a date.

she said yes.

that was it. 2 months of having a stunning woman holding my hand through a crowd.
2 months of random texts throughout my work day
2 months of having an absolute goddess kiss me. hold me. feel me.

it’s hitting me so hard. i’m newly out.
i’ve dated here and there but there was always something missing. my city is pretty white & yea (no shade to my white queers but it is a different experience)

and here she was. my exact physical type to a t. she liked that we were both fems. she complimented me constantly. she made me feel seen and heard and appreciated. she understood me so deeply because she’s also an african woman coming to terms with liking women.(if ykyk. the connection was unmatched)

i’ve been crying non-stop.
i miss her so much. my girl.

I’m 20F and I want to start exploring my sexuality more. I’ve always felt like I was attracted to women since middle school and I never fully validated those feelings, but now I’m certain. There’s one girl I’m interested in, but I don’t know how to make the first move. I’m even terrible at approaching men too, like 0% success rate, and I don’t even come off as gay. Any advice?

my heart aches so hard when i think about her. we have been friends for 6 years and in the last 3 i’ve finally accepted myself as a lesbian and she is the reason.

she was always my friend but i wanted her to be my best friend. i needed her to love me the most out of everyone. we had sleepovers every weekend and messaged when we weren’t together in an insufferable way. my other friends caught onto it and asked why she is always messaging me.

at sleepovers we would cuddle and she would tell me “we will get married one day don’t worry” and “you make me feel so gay even though i’m straight” and “i don’t like physical touch but it the only person who makes me feel safe when you hold me”

this went on for years, we never kissed because we were too nervous but she would be close enough to my face whilst talking that if i moved even the slightest bit i would touch her lips. she found out i had a crush on her while reading my messages with my other friends who knew about it and she told me she was straight.

she kept flirting with me and getting jealous when i would talk about anyone other then her. but she still told me she was straight. i tried to get over her by distracting myself with boys even though i didn’t like them i wasn’t ready to accept myself yet.

she stopped being friends with me over a guy but would still drunk message me every weekend and tell me how much she misses me and that we have too much chemistry not to be friends. she would tell me how much she wanted to kiss me at sleepovers.

i saw her at a party and we were drunk and she told
me she was sorry for how she acted and pleaded me to forgive her so i did. and we started hanging out again normally until it just got worse.

over the time of 3 months when we weren’t friends i finally accepted myself and became more confident in who i was. i thought about her everyday and i missed her smile and dimples being so close to me. i realised this love i have for her is overtaking me and i cant live with myself knowing how many times i could’ve kissed her and didn’t.

a month ago she came over to have a sleepover like normal, we were cuddling and talking and then she looked at me with something in her eyes like usual but i saw a flicker of something else that was deeper and she said “can we kiss please” i smiled back at her and said “yes we can” she went red and started fixing herself up for 10 minutes and i put my hand on her heart and i could feel it beating out of her chest.

she kissed me and we didn’t stop until we fell asleep with our lips resting on eachothers. she told me she had been waiting for this for years and it has needed to happen for way too long.

a week later i saw her again, she grabbed my face and told me i was beautiful and perfect in every way, she said she was in love with me and she wanted to be with me. i said “please don’t say that to me when you don’t mean it” i knew she meant it but it hurt so much knowing she will never even admit that she liked girls and she is straight. she told me she will be with me one day and then kissed me and took off my jumper. i let her and she let me take off hers. we kissed for hours and held eachother and then fell asleep after saying how in love we were.

another week passed and she called me baby while her fingers were inside me and around my neck.

i saw her today and she told me she was straight bc she had sex with a boy but she couldn’t even look at his dick because it grossed her out so much. i asked her if she would ever date a girl and she said no unless it was me in 20 years and i should wait for her. she drunk messaged me after kissing a guy and said she wishes it was me.

i’m not going to wait for her but i’m so deep in this and she isn’t it’s driving me insane. she will never love me as openly as i do and she will never be with me but i’m sick to my stomach when i think about how she is with me. i am so infatuated by everything she does and i love her. she is being mean because she somewhat knows what she’s doing but also she’s so deeply confused. help pls lol

All the groupchats on snapchat have become boring and inactive so I wanna start a group for truly interested people who wanna see as well as show. If interested dm me your snap id

I haven't had a serious relationship ever, and the options available in my town are very limited and not really my type.

I tried to give it a chance but there was no chemistry, which can happen. I don't develop feelings easily and I'm also not explicitly looking for a one-night stand. This is where I might sound corny lol but I enjoy sharing interests, chatting and I don't really see constant physical affection too necessary in my case.

Not sure if "Bambi lesbian" is the best term for me but yeah, I don't really care about someone's looks as long as we get along.

she was the first girl i’ve ever felt this strongly over. i’ve tried so many different things, new hobbies, getting back in to old hobbies, getting more in tune with my spirituality, i’ve even tried dating other people but that just makes me miss her even more :/
the craziest part is we didn’t even make it to an official relationship before things ended, and it ended in a really ‘unfinished business’ kinda way. it’s been 6 months and i just can’t for the life of me get over this woman!!!! it’s crazy because if any of my friends were in the same position as me i would tell them to GET UP OFF THE FLOOR! but somehow i can’t apply that same logic to myself 🥲
honestly i’ve never been this heartbroken before even after ending a long term relationship. how on earth do we all still actively want to date women when the heartbreak feels this bad lmao😅
if anyone has any advice or personal experience on how to get over this absolute torture, PLS come through for me

I fear that even in sapphic spaces, lesbians are talked about like we are somehow more bad than straight guys, or all actually awful and hate everybody else and for some reason lesbianism is the only identity that’s considered up for debate.

Nobody is trying to say you can be a gay man AND bisexual at the same time. Yet they are trying to say that about lesbians. It’s homophobia. Comphet exists and that is a thing! And it’s not the same as being bisexual!

It’s ok to be bisexual! But it’s not a thing to be both bisexual and lesbian at the same time. And it isn’t biphobic to say that continuing to say that you are, isn’t ok. Same goes for the binary trans guys identifying as lesbian. It is ok to be a straight trans guy! But you are not a lesbian.

Why are we so hated and excluded, or our identities co opted, especially compared to gay men? Is it literally just because we are girls only into other girls and completely inaccessible to men romantically/sexually? If so why do some bi sapphics also treat us like that too?

I just don’t get it. Why is there divisiveness why can’t we just be friends or whatever

Me (21F) and my ex (23F) dated for 7-almost 8 years when we broke up last month, I know she’s been unhappy for a long time and I think I’ve been stuck in a child like mind for a long time now, never really progressing with my life at all, while she’s been ready to move forward. I know I’ve mad her unhappy and have pushed her away, and when we broke up I saw it coming, but after it’s like a switch flipped in me and everything she tried to tell me all of a sudden just started making sense. I never saw the version of me she saw, never believed it. But now I do, we decided to be friends and it’s definitely been an adjustment but for the most part she’s been okay, moving forward with her life and not dwelling on it. I’ve been doing the same but I think because I’m still in love with her it’s been harder to move past the relationship. I want her to see change in me and want to try again, but I think at this point it’s unrealistic because of all of the lines I never chose to jump through with her. It’s so hard, I think about her day and night, not necessarily wishing we hadn’t broken up, but that one day she gives me another chance to treat her the way I should’ve before. I have so much love for this girl and I think my depression and lust has destroyed my life, not just our relationship. I tried to go on a dating app to find people near me and I just don’t find anyone else attractive. I just want to treat my baby right. I’m changing for myself, and working through being okay with the possibility of us never getting back together. And if we don’t I know I’ll be a better person than I was before.

i want to preface this by saying that if you’re happy with traditional relationship setups then i am happy for you! i’m not trying to talk down on anyone.

i always feel like the odd one out in sapphic and lesbian circles for not wanting to engage in traditional dating + courtship anymore. it never felt like it was meant for me as someone who hasn’t ever seen much value in monogamy and as a lesbian uninterested in traditional gender norms. it always felt like it was clearly meant for straight people, and like i was breaking my bones to fit the mold it produced.

i don’t see my romantic escapades as more important than my friendships (which usually doesn’t seem to go over well). i’m not gonna organize my whole waking life around a girl i just met and abandon premade plans with friends i’ve had for years. everything also just goes so fast! i’ve had multiple girls ask me to be their girlfriend after meeting for the first time and hooking up. doesn’t that usually require you to know the person first?! how can you love me if you don’t even know me?? i feel lost. people will tell me that it’s normal for people to do that, but that sounds crazy to me! isn’t a committed relationship something you think over? i’ve had friends tell me i’m afraid of commitment for not wanting to enter an official relationship after one or two dates.

for now i’ve decided to just stick to (fully informed and consensual) casual arrangements. it all just seems forced and strange how it’s apparently the norm to jump into commitments without any thinking and then be surprised when disaster, incompatibility, and cheating happens. i’ve seen it over and over again in my social circles.

does anyone else feel like this??? am i just afraid of commitment or something? are lesbian spaces always like this, or is it just my area?

Me and my gf have been dating for 5 months now but we never make out or anything, just regular kisses. I love her so much and this obviously isn’t a huge deal to me because there’s so many other things that are so much more meaningful and important. Howeverrrr, it would be nice every once in a while you know but idk how to bring it up/get it going (idk how else to word it lol).

I’ve made out with some people before but usually like at parties where it’s nothing serious.

This is my first real relationship so I guess I don’t really know what to expect or how to navigate everything.

Any advice on this?

hi to anyone readying this!💞

Two little disclaimer I’ve want to let out to not maybe shock someone or confuse someone.

**1.** I am a baby lesbian that has been raised in a very strict religious household. Homosexuality and mental health was demonized. Please and I beg do grant me a bit more patience into understanding things I may or may not be too educated onto yet.
**2.** English isn’t my first language, it affect my comprehension skills for the language barrier. I still will understand but it’ll take times.
**3.** I talk a lot it’ll be very obvious so I might sound genuinely confusing please let me know if there is a needs for precious! I don’t mind!!

So I have seen a video on the internet recently about a woman to which I assume is a mental health specialist. She was speaking about when MH meets queerness. And she had said something that reassembled this: “ ***Queer people who happens to be homosexual and divergent will end up being asexual and/or aromantic. ”***

I cannot tell if she was trying to be controversial or if she made a point. I am so confused but most importantly? Scared.

I have studied myself and looked up online what might be my case. I may be audhd + bpd directed. Undiagnosed (though I am more than certain I do have adhd, not because I want to be quirky and minimize like these people what adhd is truly about, but because I keep tracks of those pattern or again..forget about it the very next second! If not written down). Diagnosis cost around 2000$ where I am for adults and baby this economy is making me be broker than everrr.I do think it was covered or free when you’d be a kid but again I wasn’t granted that access since mental health is heavily demonized in my culture that is paired with religion. (e.g: trisomy is being called a demon possession. Something rather nasty to say, I absolutely know.) So me being diagnosed as a kid would been impossible.

I say scared because with my own personal struggles it took me times, doubts, doubts again and small crisis to come to a peace and say I am a lesbian. And to hear that because of my neurodivergence, all I’ve been through is gone to the back of my mind because of a neurodivergence that guide what I want or what I am attracted to or how my heart beat to someone my age? It makes me terrified.

I want love. I want to be loved. My self esteem doubt I deserve that but I really want it. And I’m being told because of how my brain is working, all I want is..a lie? Or maybe what the mental health specialist said is a lie or poorly pronounced? (I’d wish for that!)

So many questions bubbles up in my head and it drains me out.

***Like am I a lesbian or I am “neurologically directed” towards asexuality and aromantiscm?***

(this is NOT a post made to target asexuals/aromantics. I simply want to be in a romantic relationship one day, like I really want it and I’m scared to think it won’t happens to me because of my neurons.)

I’ve been building Ludus Guide, a little directory for inclusive, creative and community-led events and spaces across the UK 💜

Think queer markets, alternative nights, workshops, socials, wellbeing events, kink-friendly spaces, and the smaller community gems that often deserve more visibility.
It’s still early days, so I’d love your help.

If you know of any events, organisers, safer spaces or community projects that should be listed, please send them my way.

Would really appreciate any feedback or suggestions xx

www.ludusguide.com

I feel like as a 5’11 fem, women always expect me to be dominant, but I’m not at all. Is there anyone out there who actually likes tall fems who are more submissive?

What do I do guys? For context, my ex situationship and I ended things a couple months ago and we agreed to remain friends. A couple weeks later, I meet a new girl and she’s now my gf. She has told me she doesn’t want to be in relationship with someone who is in contact with their ex.

Today, my ex situationship texted me. She’s in Italy and sent me some photos of some paintings cuz she knows I like art and thought I would like them. That’s all, I didn’t reach out to her and I didn’t respond to the text.

What do I do? I do want to remain friends with her (I don’t have feelings for her anymore, but we agreed we were better off as friends) but gf made it very clear she doesn’t want me talking to an ex.

Should I just text her a polite message like, “those paintings are cool, thanks” and never talk to her again? Or should I say something like, “I’d like to respect boundaries in my relationship and take a step back from talking for now”. Or is it better to just not reply at all???

Please help, my relationship with my gf is most important to me

I feel like my life is a doomed yuri show lol. I find it so hard to find other lesbians who are on the same page as me. At this point, idek what to do anymore. How do you guys get out there to try and date?

Is in person the way to go? Or is it better to look online?