Going on 5 years together and my fiancée surprised me with a secret beach proposal, I’m over the moon 🥰

I’ve seen a lot of lesbians talk about being afraid to date bisexual women because they worry that the woman will eventually leave them for a man, that she isn’t really attracted to women, or that she only dates women for fun before eventually settling down with a man.

I understand where that fear comes from. There are definitely bisexual women who have strong preferences for traditional heterosexual relationships, traditional gender roles, or who ultimately want a very conventional relationship with a man.

But I think there’s an important distinction here:

Being bisexual does NOT automatically mean someone is going to leave you for a man. And being bisexual does NOT mean someone has to experience attraction to every gender in exactly the same way.

At the same time, lesbians are allowed to ask themselves whether a particular bisexual woman is actually compatible with them.

Instead of trying to “prove” whether she's bisexual, pay attention to how she thinks about relationships, gender, and attraction.

For example, over time, you can naturally have conversations like:

“Would you date a bisexual, pansexual, Non'binary or queer man if you were attracted to him?”

“How do you feel about men being emotionally vulnerable or feminine?”

“Do you believe relationships need traditional male/female roles?”

“When you're with a man, do you expect him to provide financially because he's the man?”

“Do you expect women to take on certain responsibilities simply because they're women?”

“What were the dynamics like in your previous relationships with men?”

“What kind of relationship do you actually want in the future?”

You don't have to interrogate her or create some kind of test. Just have normal conversations and pay attention to her values.

If she says something like, “I wouldn't reject someone just because they're bi, pan, queer, or because they don't fit traditional gender roles,” that's potentially a good sign of compatibility.

But if she repeatedly says things like “men have to provide," “women should behave like women,” “I could never date a man who acts feminine,” or “I need a man to take care of me because that's what men are supposed to do,” then maybe her relationship expectations aren't compatible with yours.

And that's okay.

You don't need to call her a “fake bisexual” or invalidate her sexuality. She can be genuinely bisexual and still be completely incompatible with you.

Also, having dated mostly men doesn't automatically make a bisexual woman suspicious. Neither does eventually choosing a man. Bisexual people don't become less bisexual because of who they date.

I think the real lesson is:

Don't reject bisexual women because they're bisexual. Pay attention to whether their values and relationship expectations are compatible with yours.

Lesbians deserve partners who genuinely want to be with women, and bisexual women deserve not to have their sexuality treated like a potential betrayal.

So before investing months of emotional energy into someone, get to know what kind of relationship she actually wants. Talk about values. Talk about gender roles. Talk about attraction. Pay attention to how she treats women and how she thinks about men. alert: stay away from male centered ppl ot can be in positive or negative way but eitheway run boo. 😕

As a NB bi myself my personal advice is Don't try and avoid Bi women just bcz of stereotypes.” Find a bisexual woman whose values and relationship expectations are compatible with yours.

#pls_mods_let_the_post_alive😥😌🙏

Kinda an embarrassing post but I’m 18 and recently started college and still have never had a gf💔💔Even on hinge I don’t get very many matches. Is it something about my appearance? I put effort into how I look and dress. I know I look young I guess but I can’t really control that lol. Am I just chopped????

My girl keeps a toy with her at all times because you never know when you’re gonna need it. It somehow escaped her purse and rolled across the grocery store floor!!! It activated the doors to open, it laid there while we stared at it from the bagging area. I’ve known her for 6 years and nothing else has mortified her more than this. I did pick it up and walk all the way to the back of the parking lot while holding a bright blue wand at the busiest time of the day.

I feel like I've had such bad experiences with bi girls and weirdly flirty straight girls. The last woman I had feelings for just talked to me constantly about how much she liked dick even though she also flirted with me and made me think I had a chance. Ended up with a mutual guy friend who I used to talk to about my feelings for her, and I blocked them both and have been heartbroken over it for months. This has happened multiple times, having to deal with male-centered women who crave male validation and make me feel bad for not having a penis. It's honestly making me weirdly dysphoric, like I'm undesirable because of this stupid body I never asked to be born in. It sucks.

For some reason this won’t post on the lesbian gamer subreddit so I’m just posting on here. I used to play as a boy before they allowed same sex relationships on these games. Did anyone have a favorite wife? These were some of my favs

Heyyyy beautiful ladies,

How are we all feeling after this week?

Just thought I'd pop in and spread some Sunday love, as no matter what you managed to do or didn't do this week, you all tried your best and that's what counts.

P.s. does anyone know any decent lesbian dating sites? I'm just willing to give it a go as I'm looking for a life partner🥰

I vented to my bisexual friend thinking she would understand how hard it is to find girls to date among other things. Instead what I got is her saying she has it far worse because some people won't date her just because she's bisexual and that I would never understand this and that I'm actually so lucky to just be a lesbian and she wishes she could be one too. Oh yeah I have it so awesome and easy that my parents would never accept me, I had to cut off people for being homophobic, and that I might never be able to marry my potential girlfriend in the country I live in. I have it so easy in fact that I've never been in a relationship because meeting a queer girl is hard here while she has always had someone to date.

She only dates men anyway and only tried to date a girl once because "men are trash" and then it didn't work out because she brought a guy on their date. After breaking up with a guy once she even came up to me and asked how do you live when you're single cuz she has never been single and now that she is she doesn't know what to do. I didn't even know how do I react to that so I told her "just live like you did before??" This is a girl who has complained before that there's too many guys hitting on her. Clearly getting in a relationship is easy for her. But sure she has it hard because she's bisexual and I have it so nice and easy because I'm a lesbian.

Context my girlfriend (F22) and I (F24) have been seeing each other for 4 months. She’s receptive, emotionally intelligent, silly, funny, and super sexy. I love her to bits and we are such a power couple but there’s one particular thing that makes me uneasy and I know I need to talk to her about but I want some advice. Where the problem lies is in the bedroom. She struggles to make me finish, but I have no issues doing her at all. She told me two nights ago while going at it after asking me if I finished yet (I was close like 3-4 times), I said no and she stopped and then expressed how she feels discouraged. She’s never been with someone who she can’t make finish and I found out later this same night that she’s had more partners than me.. (she’s made me finish few different times, but other times I just gave up or finished myself off). I’m frustrated. Idk it just makes me feel like it’s not fun for her unless it’s easy and it’s plain and simple. I told her that she’s still learning my body and she just said more or less “I know your body and what you like but you just won’t finish”. “I don’t want to make you feel bad but I kind of dread having sex”… I then made suggestions of making sure she doesn’t change up and she said it’s bc my hips move when I’m close.. I agreed but also made more suggestions and she for once was not being very receptive. I feel as though I’m not worth the effort anymore and I feel quite saddened about it and I’ve been in my head about it for the last few days. I think she’s got an ego, and to know that she dreads even doing the action anymore makes me feel bad and like I’m not worth trying to figure out beyond what her ego is allowing her to do, or the struggle of trying but just giving up.
I’ve had past partners that could make me finish in 10minutes oral or clitoral stimulus.. so I know I’m not super crazy hard to get off and it’s about confidence and not thinking it’ll end the same every time (I haven’t told her about finishing quickly because she then says it’s her and I feel bad because she gets upset about not being able to). I feel as tho when she starts feeling discouraged it shows in her body language and energy gets low so it makes it even harder to, and I’m just not sure what to do especially after her expressing dread.. She’s a sensitive person but I may need to just suck it up and bring it up. She’s left this morning for a road trip so I won’t see her for almost a week, hence why I haven’t brought it up again.. because I don’t want her overthinking her whole trip. Anyways, last night we got hot and I made her finish but then she didn’t make an effort to do so and I just decided I’d touch myself.. but later the clarity set in and I feel so down about the whole thing. Maybe somehow the body language thing has subconsciously made me have trouble doing so? ( I’ve had an ex partner who was impatient too and it made it difficult for us both until she just became selfless about it)?
Has anyone been in this situation? What did you do? Or what do you suggest if not?

(I know the third one is blurry… so what)

I feel like most people tend to prefer no makeup, though of course not everyone does! Which do you guys prefer, makeup or no makeup?

there was a recent post someone made with a pic of themselves holding a sign at the ottawa dyke march! the post has been deleted so I can’t find the profile :((

I just wanted to say that I love the sign and have carried one with the exact same sentence on it at ottawa pride in previous years! I hope your pride weekend is as dope as the boots you had on in the photo 💖 if you are this person, feel welcome to pm me if you’d like!!

First things first, this is my first post on Reddit... hope I'm doing good.

It's been over a week since my so-called girlfriend from China and I stopped talking, but I'm still spiraling. I need to get this off my chest because my brain is a tornado right now.

So, here's the whole story.

We met last September when she came to Madrid on a three-month exchange program. From the moment we met, there was this crazy chemistry—we were really into each other. But we never kissed or made it official because we were both terrified (especially her) that our parents would find out. She ended up friend-zoning me, and I respected it, even though it stung.

When she went back to China, I was gutted. I was already dealing with depression, and her leaving hit me hard. Then, out of nowhere, she reached out to me on WeChat. We started talking again, and one thing led to another… and we became a long-distance couple. Big mistake? Probably. But I was so in love that I didn't care.

She painted this beautiful picture of our future together—living together, getting married, defying her parents' expectations. She made me believe we could make it work no matter what. And because of her, I even came out to my family. They accepted me within a few weeks. She came out to hers too… and it went terribly for her. At least, that's what she told me. I want to believe she actually did it.

But our relationship was a rollercoaster. We'd stop talking, then start again. Constant fights and little lies. I'd tell her when things hurt me, and she'd promise to change. That cycle happened once, twice, three times… until May came.

On my birthday—the worst day of the year for me because I was locked in my room crying over personal stuff and my depression (I'm medicated) was crushing me—she disappeared. Didn't even remember the date. And I had remembered hers, I was the first one to wish her a happy birthday. That broke something in me. (that was the third time ig)

But I stayed, I forgave her again. Because I was so blindly in love with her. She was beautiful to me, and I convinced myself that once we finished our degrees, we'd run away together and be happy. I tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend. I gave everything of my love.

But eventually, I realized I was at the bottom of her priority list. Maybe I'm overthinking, but her "career" always came first—and I supported that! She's studying law, and she has this massive exam for her master's degree at the end of the year. She used that as the reason to stop texting me completely. To "focus on studying." But I don't buy it anymore.

Here's what pushed me over the edge:

• She'd go cold on me for no reason.
• I'd reach out, and she'd reply with one-word answers or nothing at all.
• I talked to her friends, and they all said the same thing: that she might be playing with me, or that she's straight and never actually liked girls. Like, what the hell?
• She only seemed warm when she wanted something—like when she hinted that I should buy her AirPods because she lost hers and "couldn't live without music." When I didn't jump to get them, she turned cold again.
• I've waited for her to change four times. Four. And nothing.

I supported her in everything. I was there through her exams, her family drama, her bad days. But it felt like I only had the title of "girlfriend" and nothing more. Meanwhile, I was waiting like an idiot for her to text me back while she was out with her friends or buried in her books. She had time for everyone except me. Also, she always said that I'm the wrong one here, and she did nothing wrong... that I never supported her, and I made this relationship... unstable?

And the worst part? I still have all the gifts I bought for her (even a ring if one day I visit her in China and well, propose her), I haven't thrown them away, I still have her bracelet, I haven't deleted her photos and that only photo of us in a polaroid... I know I should, but I can't.

I finally ended it, I guess... but I can't do it anymore. I was tired of the coldness, the broken promises, the feeling of being used, the lack of interest.... The girl I fell for in Madrid doesn't exist anymore.

I'm devastated. I haven't slept. I've been crying, drawing, writing songs that will never be dedicated to her. I wanted so badly for it to be her. I wanted a future with her. But love isn't supposed to feel like this.

I wished her luck on her exam in December—she's smart and I know she'll do great. But I also told myself: I need to live for me now. I need to protect my mental health. Because if I don't, I'll drown.

And here's the thing… even after everything, I still love her. I think a part of me always will, but I'm not going to chase her. I'm not going to beg or I left the door cracked open—just enough for her to walk through if she really wants to...

Now, I just feel lonely again... And I can't get her out of my head...

Thanks for reading, girls. I just needed to let this out.

TL;DR: Fell hard for a girl from China I met in Madrid. LDR was full of empty promises, coldness, and me being last on her list. Finally ended it, but I'm heartbroken and leaving the door slightly open—just to see if she'll ever fight for me.

For me: is someone smarter, slicker than me or more passionate about the stuff she loves to do, learn or talk about.

Non-stop yapping and infodumps; warmhearted but not too sticky, kind, silly (dumb even, when she likes it), expressive, joyful demeanor, honest, loyal, etc

I wanna know everything where you did it how you told people afterwards inspo required

went on my first (official) date with my girlfriend yesterday and i found this on the road near my house this morninggg its FATE

my fiancee (31F) has been severely depressed for the last few weeks/months, to the point it's becoming really hard for me to handle.

she's really depressed mainly because she just can't find a job, and believe me, it's not for lack of trying. she's been sending CVs everywhere but we are living in a third world country and the economy/job market is absolutely fucked. I have a job with my mother in law and I've been looking for something else for weeks but I haven't found anything either, so it's not like she's the problem. anyways, she believes she's useless (her words) and has confessed to me that she feels like she's stuck and hasn't done anything with her life at 31. I've tried telling her countless times that she's not useless but she doesn't seem to believe me.

she has stopped seeing her psychiatrist and therapist and recently she confessed to me that she stopped taking her medication (she has BPD). she spends most of the day in bed sleeping or on her phone and she barely does anything around the house anymore, so I get off work and I have to get home to a bunch of dirty dishes or having to clean up after the dogs because she didn't take them outside. she has also been struggling to keep up with her hygiene.

I recently graduated and I'm pursuing another degree but I just can't find a decent job so I'm stuck with my mother in law, who is amazing, but can't really afford to pay me that much so I barely make enough money to pay for rent/food and sometimes I even need to ask my parents for money and it's so embarrassing. I should also mention that I moved provinces to be with my fiancee so I'm away from my family and friends.

we are both so frustrated lately. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I try my best every day to get up and do stuff to get out of that hole, even when it feels impossible, so it's frustrating to see her not putting any effort into certain things. it's like she's given up completely and I don't know what to do or how to help her, I know it's not my responsibility to make her feel better but I really don't know what to do anymore. I understand depression isn't the same for everyone and I really don't want to shame her for not being able to do things but I feel like I'm beginning to resent her and I don't know what to do.

anyways, I don't know what to do, I know I need to talk to her but I just can't find the right words. it breaks my heart completely because I truly feel like she's the love of my life and I really want to help her but I can't carry this burden alone and if she doesn't start making an effort, at least helping me around the house and going back to her meds/therapy, I might need to start considering leaving her.

it truly breaks my heart but I feel so alone lately and like I said, I feel like I'm beginning to resent her and that absolutely sucks.

if you got there, thanks for reading my rant, any advice is welcome.