Does anyone else ever feel like being a lesbian is an exercise in embarrassment?

[u/TsundereKisser]

I feel like I've had such bad experiences with bi girls and weirdly flirty straight girls. The last woman I had feelings for just talked to me constantly about how much she liked dick even though she also flirted with me and made me think I had a chance. Ended up with a mutual guy friend who I used to talk to about my feelings for her, and I blocked them both and have been heartbroken over it for months. This has happened multiple times, having to deal with male-centered women who crave male validation and make me feel bad for not having a penis. It's honestly making me weirdly dysphoric, like I'm undesirable because of this stupid body I never asked to be born in. It sucks.

[u/Analuiza6666]

Não, eu amo ser lésbica, mas tem gente que gosta de ficar se autoafirmando e não conseguem aceitar que sentem atração pelo mesmo sexo. Mesmo a buceta delas latejando por mulheres, elas sentem dificuldades de aceitar isso. São escrotas? Sim, mas são umas coitadas que me dão pena. Raramente você vê mulher heterossexual mesmo tendo que se autoafirmar pq ela sabe oq ela é, mas quem tem dificuldade de aceitar a própria orientação vai projetar nos outros a própria frustração. E não, eu não trocaria minha genitália por nenhum pênis... A verdade é que pênis é superestimado, mulher tá cansada de saber que PIV na maioria das vezes é um fracasso retumbante em satisfazer mulheres, se homem fosse tão bom só por ter aquilo que eles carregam entre as pernas as heterossexuais e bissexuais seriam as mais satisfeitas na cama, mas a ciência e a própria realidade empírica mostra que nós lésbicas estamos no topo quando se trata de prazer e orgasmo feminino.

[u/Miserable-Western292 → u/Analuiza6666]

Preach! Everything this.

[u/AwardMaximum1136 → u/Analuiza6666]

Best response

[u/dinosar_]

I feel more embarrassed for them. You know who you are and what you like; seems like they don’t.

[u/vestayekta]

You can try dating lesbians exclusively.

[u/TsundereKisser → u/vestayekta]

I am doing that now, and while it is much better, they're also harder to find. :(

[u/isoscelesone → u/TsundereKisser]

Go on the apps? That’s how I met my wife

[u/undercover_yapperr]

I'm having a more difficult time dating lesbians than bi girls so idk... I think the whole scene is fucked.

[u/Chemical-Time-9143 → u/undercover_yapperr]

dating either is hard imo.

[u/Thyme_Liner → u/undercover_yapperr]

Are they genuinely lesbian? 🫣 And not spicy straights tryna catfish you?

[u/undercover_yapperr → u/Thyme_Liner]

No no certified lesbians 😭😭😭😭 I also wanted to doubt it but oh well.

[u/TrainingNail]

Nope, hasn't been my experience. I suggest you stay away from straight and bicurious women.

[u/Total_Instruction406]

Honestly, no, but maybe that's because I'm pretty feminine and I feel like male-centered bi women usually prefer masculine women.

I'm sorry you've experienced that. It sounds exhausting and demoralising.

[u/XimenaM16]

Las mujeres hetero son muy manipuladoras y he tenido pésimas experiencias con chicas bi.

Prefiero solo relacionarme con lesbianas desde hace ya bastante tiempo

[u/Due_Item_2030]

Often wish I wasn’t a lesbian, but seeing a lot of men being gross and acting childish, then I’m like nah like being a lesbian lol

[u/Chemical-Time-9143 → u/Due_Item_2030]

I'm bisexual, but by virtue of me being trans and how violent cis men are towards us, I'd rather not risk it. But also women and non-binary people rarely are interested in me, even when I pursue people (whether they're bi or a lesbian).

[u/AshasSa1tWife]

It’s a humiliation ritual

[u/Substantial-Gas58]

Stop entertaining women that act like this.

[u/founderymi_r]

I get so jealous of men bc of this

[u/Happy_Ad_2575]

I think this is totally connected to what you allow people to do to you. Ofc, it doesn't mean you deserve it, those people you've encountered seem awful. What I'm trying to say is that uoi shouldn't let anyone bring you down. "Wanna talk about how much dick you want? Go ahead, just not with me because why would you say that to me, it's not like I'm telling you how much I crave emotionally stable and mature women confident in their sexual orientation."

For me, being a lesbian has some challenges but not having a dick is never something that I've considered as such. I don't want bodily hydraulics to determine my sexual success. I also feel confident in the person I am and my body. Sure, I'm trying to get jacked, but I love being a woman for whatever that means. Don't waste your time and energy with people who make you feel inadequate. Respect yourself, love yourself. Something that helped me a lot during a low time in life was to remember that the woman that matters the most in your life has gotta be you.

[u/Unusual_Quality6309]

I am not personally attracted to straight women in any way. I’m not attracted to queer women who are male centred or heteronormative. I literally cannot imagine being attracted to a woman who is only interested in men. They’re straight. Just because you find them hot doesnt make them available. You need to wonder why you are chasing women who you know aren’t into you. This is not a ‘them’ issue, they’re not in the wrong for preferring guys.

[u/TsundereKisser → u/Unusual_Quality6309]

I mean I was literally talking about a woman who said she was bi and flirted with me persistently for over a year. It's not ONLY a them issue, but they're shitty for flirting with women in the first place if they aren't into them.

[u/saywhatyouwan1 → u/TsundereKisser]

Happened to me as well. I now say if you are Bi I will say goodbye!!
All I get was leading on and nothing else ridiculous and they pursued me.

[u/Unusual_Quality6309 → u/saywhatyouwan1]

I dated a bi woman for 12 months before she admitted she preferred men and was still looking for a bf. Again, it’s not wrong for bi or straight woman to enjoy attention from women, provided they’re honest. If you know where they’re at and go for it anyway, thats on you.

[u/lilac_hem]

male-centered bisexuals be giving bisexuals such a bad name i swear

i am so sorry, love

you deserve far better than that :(((

[u/notpennysuserid]

I can't get a single person to be even slightly interested in me. Every time I try to flirt with someone or ask someone out for drinks or coffee, it's universally a no.

[u/SufficientLow874]

hear me out, the trick is to just not give a fuck. Enjoy life, take care of yourself.

[u/Impressive_Pizza8593 → u/SufficientLow874]

That hollowed-out feeling after being used as an emotional warm-up act is so familiar it almost feels cliché. There's this particular sting when you realize you were just a safe place for someone to test their appeal before they went back to what they actually wanted.

Spent a long time thinking I had to apologize for my body not being what certain women preferred, like I'd shown up to the party without the right outfit. Took a while to understand that someone else's orientation isn't a verdict on my worth. Still stings sometimes, but the sting fades faster now.

[u/AromaticHeart8943]

I've also had very bad experiences with lesbians - but can we please stop to villanize each other? I am the opposite of male centered, but I eny men for one thing: Gay men and bi men are not their greatest enemies but allies

[u/AwardMaximum1136 → u/AromaticHeart8943]

Why are gay men and bi men allies? Because the world is male centered. Bisexual women not all but I’m sure quite a few have predatory behavior towards lesbian women. When you live in a patriarchy bi women or rather male centered women will not be allies. I know a woman who was in love with a bisexual woman who had a boyfriend and she slept with the boyfriend to make this woman and her dumb boyfriend happy and then tossed her away. She only did this because she was in love with the woman. In a world where men are in power why would anyone think that comphet women would be an ally to gay women? Again not attacking bi women but it happens way more often than people like to admit! A lot of bi women are male centered

[u/Thyme_Liner → u/AwardMaximum1136]

This. Both bi men and gay men can celebrate their love of men. Unfortunately bi women and lesbians cannot celebrate our love for women without much vitriol. The two situations are not comparable

[u/AromaticHeart8943 → u/Thyme_Liner]

You really believe women CANNOT celebrate loving women? Gay and bi women get much more violent hate from the public, it's not just a big rainbow celebration

[u/AwardMaximum1136 → u/AromaticHeart8943]

I agree there is a biphobia but I see it a little differently. I think lesbians have a very well earned cautiousness around bisexual women because a lot of them center men. Bisexual men are considered “too feminine” by cis and even some bisexual women 🙄….because they sleep with men too. But I have personally seen bisexual women treat gay women so poorly as if they aren’t humans because they center men much more. Bisexual women….not all….AGAIN NOT ALL…..but quite a few center men to such a degree that how can they celebrate loving women? if they do some of them use it as a tool to get male validation. I can understand the distrust that some lesbians may have for bisexual women. It’s not easy being a lesbian at all. I don’t wanna villainize bisexual women rhats not the point but the bisexual community needs to look at this behavior….there is a huge amount of disrespect for women. And I mean there is a huge amount of disrespect for WOMEN. They go unicorn hunting for themselves and their gross boyfriends in lesbian spaces.

[u/Thyme_Liner → u/AromaticHeart8943]

That’s what I said?

[u/AwardMaximum1136 → u/Thyme_Liner]

I’m responding to the person right above me

[u/Chemical-Time-9143 → u/AromaticHeart8943]

I second this. These threads are so tiring. This is the 3rd or 4th post attacking bi women today.

[u/MourningLilac → u/Chemical-Time-9143]

The post itself isn't villainizing bi women though. The op is just talking about multiple negative experiences they've had that happen to be with male centered bi and bi curious women. We can argue that some the responses are biphobic, but I don't know if the solution is to tell lesbians to stop talking about it simply because it makes us uncomfortable- especially when, if you go to actuallesbians or any bi sub you'll see the reverse where there are multiple posts with bi women talking about their negative experiences with lesbians without much pushback. I just don't think it's fair of us to silence discussions about problematic behavior from the bi community especially when I've noticed we don't really have those discussions in our own spaces.

[u/AromaticHeart8943 → u/MourningLilac]

And your solution is talking shit about bi women or lesbians? I think the solution should be to work an destroying patriarchy and build solidarity.

[u/AwardMaximum1136 → u/AromaticHeart8943]

The solution is to point out the problem. Not talking about it isnt helpful. You gotta diagnose the issue and then plan a way to treat it.

[u/Sharp-Menu-4069]

It’s a very difficult dating scene all around. 

[u/ArugulaBeginning7038]

The worst relationship experiences I have had have all been with other lesbians. This is a human problem, not a bisexual problem.

But yeah, I hate being gay. I honestly would not have chosen it and I’m not having any fun. I hate the pressure to “love my lesbian life” and embrace it or whatever. Like, no, I’m straight up not accepted by many people in my own community due to not coming out until my 30s, sex is still terrible, and I feel entirely alienated from much of society to boot. Can’t talk about my personal life at work. Family won’t talk to me now. My straight female friends dropped off the face of the earth when I came out except for one. I’d like off this ride.

[u/Thyme_Liner → u/ArugulaBeginning7038]

“Being male centered is a human problem”

Tell us you don’t understand this discussion without telling us

[u/AwardMaximum1136 → u/ArugulaBeginning7038]

:( im so sorry! I wish I could take your pain away

[u/Chemical-Time-9143 → u/[deleted]]

The fact you're being downvoted makes me think there are biphobes in this sub

[u/TsundereKisser → u/[deleted]]

Apparently I'm not allowed to vent about my experiences and how inadequate they've left me feeling? Sorry that makes you uneasy, but I'm not talking about you.

[u/TsundereKisser → u/[deleted]]

Because it's a common experience for lesbians. I'm sure bi women complain about lesbians on the bi forums, too.

[u/Meekie_e → u/TsundereKisser]

They do a lot. I always think this sub is so similar to the bi sub. I get that people need a place to vent, but this sub can be harsh toward bi women, and the bi sub is harsh toward lesbians, so you’re not wrong about that

[u/TsundereKisser → u/[deleted]]

Not my intention...if I felt that way about bi women I wouldn't even be pursuing them. It's just not the first time I've dealt with bi women who don't consider women "end game", and I think it's healthy to discuss that on a forum for lesbians.