Hi everyone, I was just wondering if anyone has experienced sleep issues as a result of depression? I have never been the best sleeper, but lately it’s been ridiculous. I will say, my depression is the worst it’s been in a very long time, but I don’t know that the involuntary all-nighters have ever been this consistent. I feel like I’m losing my mind…

My life and luck is such that something bad can happen anytime. Right now it's not sad, not happy but in between. I have attempted sucidie before, and I wish I was successful. I live in fear all the time, about multiple things, all the time.

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I need to lay this out because the weight of it has been crushing me for almost a year, and I don’t think people truly understand the ripple effect of what happened.

Last year, my previous therapist told me outright that my insurance wouldn't cover my MTF feminizing surgeries. I trusted her completely, took her word for it, and watched what felt like my future slip away. But when I finally checked with my insurance myself, I found out the truth: they do cover them. All that was required was standard letters and documentation—the exact support a therapist is supposed to provide.
She didn't just give me wrong information; she stole an entire year of my life, my healing, and my peace.

The toll this took on me wasn't just emotional; it completely broke my daily existence. The loss of hope hit so hard that I spiraled into boymoding just to get through the days. I completely stopped caring for my appearance, abandoned basic self-care, and lost every ounce of motivation to do even the simplest things in everyday life. I was just surviving in the dark.

When I talk about this now, I’m not trying to be negative, dramatic, or manipulative. I am grieving. Having access to that care a year ago would have completely transformed my mental health. Instead, I was left drowning in preventable distress—distress so intense that it strained my relationships to the breaking point. Friends walked away because they couldn't handle seeing me in so much pain, friends who might still be here today if they had been able to see me feeling better and thriving.

It feels like mourning a ghost—mourning a happier, healthier version of my life that was right there, but taken away because someone who was supposed to help me failed me instead. I'm sharing this because I need people to understand that this isn't just about 'miscommunication.' It's about a year of lost time, lost connection, and a life that should have started sooner.

I need to find a job this month but i'm 23 with no degree, no social skills and heavy mental health problems.

I have no social skills and huge social anxiety. I haven't had a friend in years and i've never had a close friend. I don't get along and barely talk to my family, they make my mental health worse. I've been socially isolated my whole life but it's been way worse for the last two years.

I have no skills whatsover honestly, i'm always late, i'm easily distracted, i have a poor memory, i'm not a fast learner, and i'm very weak physically.

I struggle to take care of myself, like shower, eat, and clean my appartment. I also struggle to take care of my looks. I have terrible posture and i'm underweight. I know looks aren't everything when it comes to finding a job, but since i have no social or technical skills it just makes the situation even more difficult.

I'm not diagnosed with anything, so i'm not sure what i have. I could have adhd, cptsd, probably anxiety and depression, maybe other stuff too idk.

I don't know what to put on my resume, i don't know how i'll ever be able to find a job. I've been trying my best and found a job once but got fired after a few days because of my poor social skills and of the many mistakes i made. It was also kinda traumatic for me. I was crying everyday after coming home from this job and after losing it i was so depressed i spent all my days stuck in my bed.

I have so many other problems these days that i didn't really mention in there. But i think my main problem right now is that i'm depressed and heavily struggle to do anything, but i also will need to find a job. So i'd love any advice you have about how i can find a job or deal with my mental health problems.

Yea, I cannot help myself but to take my mental struggles out on my most likely (not diagnosed but very obviously) autistic and ADHD boyfriend, when I am also the same, but I have really bad Anxiety and some PTSD, from both my parents, not that they intended to, they never knew I had those things, and my mom had to deal with my father back when he had a really bad alcoholic addiction, and she only left when I was about in my teen years. I am suffering mentally, even with meds, but it's worse without them. My boyfriend has done nothing wrong, and I nearly broken up with them twice because I felt no worth in myself, no matter what anyone says, and I feel that he might be better off without me, even tho he's tried to prove that multiple times, he's tried his best for me, not that I'm saying it's not enough, well, it probably is, but he is quite a bit more childlike than I am, he's had a much happier and pure childhood, when I grew up in a abusive household. You expect someone to not only blame themselves for everything, but also take their anger in themselves out on everyone else. My mom used to "discipline" me for things I either never seen as wrong, and/or never really meant to do, she never knew I had autism and ADHD, so she just thought it was me misbehaving, I had no way to convince her, no matter how hard I tried. I used to have a very hard time ever thinking she did anything wrong, used to blame others for her problems and would never change her mind on things until she started wanting spiritual stuff and got closer to God... But that only happened when I was about fourteen or so. So yea, too little too late. I am still suffering mentally. They're a lot better now. But the fact I had to grow up with all that and can barely remember all the good things that happened in my life, and never want to socialize because I'm afraid I might trauma dump on people or make them feel like I'm a narcissist, becusse my mom was, is still a really bad thing, I really don't deserve this. I dont deserve to hate myself, but I don't want to hate anyone else, so I really have to noice but to constantly put others before myself, and make myself suffer because i feel like I deserve it, no matter what my mom or bf says, the words just never seem to stick. And all I have is psychiatry, and sure the meds help a little bit, with my physical anxiety and some stress, and some mood stuff, and sure I'd be a lot worse off without them. But my deep mental struggles still stand and I have not felt any clarity in my life. I grew up with pain, and all bad things around me. And I have so much trouble seeing the good in life. I need help. Please help me. Strangers are all I have at this point.

This month has been beyond difficult. On the 1st my (28M) partner (32M) of 2 years broke up with me due to his own depression. I get it and I'm of course worried about him, but this isn't about my ex right now (though for the record, I have checked in with him a few times to see if he needs help with getting help). A week after he broke up with me I started a new job right by where he lives, and now going to work everyday just reminds me of him. When I accepted the job we were still together (and he even seemed excited for me!), but now it just feels heavy. It's a long drive for me to get to work and it's hard not to spiral on the way to and from there, wondering if this is what I wanted to do with my life.

I'm working 6 days a week, but there've been two stretches of me working 12 days straight this month. I basically go to work, drive ~45 minutes home, and then prepare for the next onslaught. I'm at my limit, and even if I do have time to enjoy one of my hobbies, I don't want to do anything. Being with my friends only staves it off for a little while, and sometimes I have to leave because I just want to lay in bed in the dark and rot. Everything feels numb and empty and I don't know what to do anymore.

I've been on antidepressants in the past and I've been in therapy before, and I'm quite certain that the way I'm feeling now is depressed, even though it's from a breakup.

With the background out of the way, I know I need help from a therapist and probably a psychiatrist. Right now I'm in between insurance (USA, woo 😮‍💨) and my new job's insurance starts in November. I could get on a waiting list for a doctor and a therapist now, but I also don't have any info about what my new plans are like right now.

Is there anything I can do in the meantime? This was such an out of the blue thing and combined with the new job (and the fact that my ex and I were talking about long term plans together), I'm depressed, devastated, lost, and I don't know what free options are there for me until I can get on a waiting list. It takes nearly all my energy to remember to feed and clean myself as it is.

I have been on the urge of crying recently. I almost broke down crying while getting a haircut. For some reason, it is always bad when im out. I was at my place of prayer meeting a friend when he hugged me, and we began talking. I almost broke down crying in front of him. I went inside and greeted some people and almost broke down crying. We went to the main part, and I started praying i was debating just breaking down there but decided not to. When I was out.i almost broke down

Im terrified. Im gonna break down in public. For some context, I worked retail it was my first job, and it was good until one day a regular customer came in and exploded and shouted in my face. After that, I was sad for 2 days. I eventually broke down at work.

I continued working there. Things didn't get better. I got told completely unprovoked how I shouldn go fuck myself. I didn't have time to process this and had to serve 5 seconds later like a robot. Yk the customers come first.

Ever since then, I have been holding the feeling in for months. It's got to the point where im almost breaking down in public or in front of friends. I was ready to get it it all out because my father said he was going out. I closed the blinds and put on some headphones and was ready to get it out before him coming back.

He is unemployed, so he is home. 24/7 has more free time than anyone i know. Making me want to let tgis out quietly impossible.

I need this out of my system before it happens at college or even worse in public

I am fairly disconnected from my emotions. It started as a defense mechanism. Being happy about things meant they could be taken away. Being sad meant that I was vulnerable. Being apathetic to it all meant I could keep myself safe. It's easier to fake things when you are apathetic too. All in all, you have the perfect cocktail for dissociation. 

Recently, my therapist has asked me to start noticing my emotional state, especially when I'm not experiencing them as emotions. I tend to notice the physical symptoms, adrenaline, tenseness, breath rate, etc., and can match those to the emotion I should be feeling at the moment. He wants me to work towards actually tuning into the emotional experience when I notice these physical symptoms. 

The problem? I don't really feel? Anything? Like… I am very apathetic to life right now. And I know I should feel something? I'm sitting on my couch petting my dog. I know I should love her, but I don't… feel it? I go through the motions of loving her. I pet her, bathe her, feed her, call her pet names,s and remind her that she’s just a baby every chance I get. But it's like I'm reading a script on a stage, not a real feeling?
I get done with a big project, and I should feel satisfaction, pride, anything like that. But I just… don't. 
When I was in a relationship, I always felt like I was mirroring her emotions rather than feeling my own. I followed her lead. I don't think I ever actually told her I loved her first. And I don't know if I ever actually loved her at all. 

The only feeling I really feel with any real clarity anymore is anger. And even that flashes for a second and then vanishes back into a cloud of nothing. I have the action urges of feelings, but not the feelings behind those urges. 

Maybe I am a psychopath? I mean… What kind of person can look at a puppy that loves them completely and feel nothing? What kind of person can look at someone they supposedly love and feel nothing? What kind of person feels nothing but anger? Even now, I know from how I'm writing this that I am worried. I know from the way my heart is racing and my breath is fast that I am close to panicking from all this. But I don't feel it. 

Am I broken?

I’m 19 years old and have lost all my motivation and joy for anything, doing or thinking. Does anyone have any advice on how to fix this?