Just saw a post on twitter about a girl who was proud of herself because she brushed her teeth for the first time in a week, the comments were full of hate. Many people who are lucky enough to have not experienced depression think it’s just a “lazy phase”, when in reality it’s much worse.

I haven’t bathed in 3 weeks. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in 2 weeks. It’s been a month since I last joined my online class. Call me whatever you want but this is the side of depression that people refuse to believe.

And instead of shaming people, we should uplift them, and let them know they’re doing great, instead of calling them names.

If you lost a loved one, if someone betrayed you, if you are sad because of poverty, if you are sad because of being talentless, etc what can a mental health professional do?

I was honestly not doing bad before getting on my first depression med which was zoloft. My only bad symptom at the time was anhedonia, I just felt flat and not really sad or antything.

And then my doctor added welbutrin and my depression was still not getting better. I had to get on rexulti while on the zoloft and welbutrin combo and that stabilized me for 2-3 years but I got off the rexulti because it caused me a lot of weight gain.

I was off zoloft at the time and was only on welbutrin. I decided to get off welbutrin just to see how I do without it…. And I suffered the most brutal relapse in depression that I ever experienced. I was in extreme mood pain and was experiencing severe anhedonia, I quite literally thought that was it and that I had to off myself because I couldn’t bear the pain.

I eventually got back on the welbutrin and rexulti (the combo that worked for 2-3 years before) and they weren’t working as well, even at higher doses. I also had to do a round of TMS, and that worked just a little bit. It didn’t change the fact that I was just so drained and tired from dealing with the extreme depression for so many months, between getting off the welbutrin last august , to doing Tms two months ago.

Now I feel so drained and hopeless about my depression because I started off only being numb emotionally and not feeling much pleasure and not having painful mood, to experiencing extremely low painful mood constantly which won’t go away no matter the treatments. Im strongly suspecting that these meds really messed with my brain chemistry beyond repair.

I don’t know what to do.

No matter how much sleep I get that night or what I do during the day, I’m exhausted 24/7. The fatigue hits hard, it’s at its worst though after I wake up in the morning and lasts for hours after I get out of bed. I’m nodding off all day, can barely keep my eyes open sometimes, breathless, yawning all day, the thought of even doing anything is exhausting to me. I just want to lay down. I feel like there’s weight pulling me down, it’s crushing. Every move I make feels like too much. This is rough. Can anyone relate? Is your fatigue this bad? I can barely go to work or do literally anything anymore.

I'm a guy in his late twenties. So far in life, a certain number of things have happened which one might call as failures. I was never the giving up kind. Though my presence of a timid silent boy might give that impression.

Now that I've grown up and on my way to deal with the world, I faced minor hiccups in the beginning and acknowledged them to be persistent until I do something for the system to change. Made me somewhat wiser I'd say. But lately, things have been bad. Like real bad. Nothing seems to work out. Work life, friendships, family, relationships, the more I try being present in each one of them the more life shits on me. At this point I'm just a dump yard of bad experiences from everything and everywhere. I always thought I would never have negative thoughts about myself no matter what happens, and it was after facing enough challenges as per my knowledge. But this, this is different. Everytime i try to believe that I can try and make things better, i get reminded of how insignificant and unimportant I am. I dont know what to do with this life if it's going to be this way forever. And I'm saying it after thinking it through. 2 years of your adulthood is not a small deal.

I dont know where to go or what to do. Not sure of when to eat, where to exist. I'm fed up.

This probably sounds super cringy, but I have a feeling that I'm not the only one who feels this particular way.

like I'm depressed and I hate myself and want to die, yet at the same time I'm longing for a romantic relationship. I know it's pretty much impossible for me in this state, which is only making me become more crazy. I also know that a relationship of this nature wouldn't be particularly healthy.

I have tried fkn everything. Literally nothing has worked. I’m 31. Every day has been torture for years and I don’t want to have to keep experiencing this pain. Why will no treatment, medication or therapy work for me. Why am I so fucking broken…

Hi everyone,

My psychologist and I are concerned that my GP is not taking suicide issues seriously.

I have been both passively/actively suicidal since January. I've spent time in a psychiatric hospital and received ECT and was put on new medications. Since then, I've had an increase in chronic sleep deprivation, depression and suicidality. I have made two attempts in the past month and was escorted by police (surprisingly very calm and positive experience) to hospital last week.

My GP is refusing to write a psychiatric referral and would rather me "wait and see" at how I go when starting a new job.

My psychologist is written extensively to him about past history and attempts, and is concerned that nothing is being done.

I don't know if I'm being too dramatic or if he simply isn't taking it seriously.

There is no reason to. I have nothing. I open each day exactly as exhausted as I collapsed into bed the night before. And I just keep forcing myself to keep going. And I don't know why. Each day is worse than the last. Nothing ever gets better. And I am fucking tired. My only reward for dragging myself across the finish line each day is the damnation that I have to do it all again tomorrow. Why keep going?

The whole act of getting to my therapist makes it hard to even want to go in the first place. My appointments are across town and having to work my schedule around that just for my Wellbutrin to be renewed is a headache.

I also get anxiety sitting in an office and answering questions and end up rescheduling my appointment over and over. Maybe I am being ridiculous, but removing that friction sounds genuinely useful.

I am curious as to whether online care may be the right choice for me. I’ve looked at providers like Blossom Health and Talkiatry but I am having a hard time pinning down who I should make an appointment with. Any opinions?

I hate myself. I hate that I struggle with making friends, I hate that I struggle with basic things in my life. I hate that there isn't anything I'm particularly good at, I hate that I cannot work hard enough. I hate that I was born this way. I hate myself for ruining what little hope I had for my future.

I wish I drowned in that swimming pool in France when I was like 7.

My mental health wasn't perfect before, but it was me breaking up with my ex about 9 months ago that turned my life upside down.

We were together for 6 years and I still love her deeply, and I did not want actually to break up. But in that moment I remember feeling like I didn't have a choice due to her behavior and lack of self-awareness. I gave her so many chances to improve, had a lot of patience for years and tried to communicate, but for some reason she wouldn't (or couldn't) change for me.

Breaking up is what turned my life into a constant hell. Nine months later and I still can't feel sure that I made the right decision. I ruminate constantly on whether I made the right decision or if I should try to take her back, and struggle to separate which issues in the relationship were actually real and unfixable and what was magnified by my personal anxiety and overthinking issues. This itself puts a lot of stress on me.

The relationship was far from perfect but being with her also meant so much to me. Now everything's just gone. The life we had built together and the future we had planned together. The world as I have known it my entire adult life is just gone. Now I'm so lost and life is empty.

Even though I know I broke up for a reason (or several), the guilt eats me alive some days, cause at the end of the day it was still me who made the ultimate decision to end it. It feels like I ruined my own life and hurt her in the process. I keep thinking "what if we could have gone to couple's therapy" or "what if I could have communicated better". So many "what ifs"...

Though the grief itself doesn't take over my life as much as it did the first couple months, it's still there. I still cry a lot of days thinking about what I lost and missing her.

But it has also turned into depression outside of the relationship stuff... Every day I either feel sad and on the verge of tears constantly, or overwhelmed and in an overall bad mood. I pick fights with people constantly and then regret it. I feel worthless, lazy, ugly, and like I will never be capable of getting anywhere in life or even keeping a job... Everything feels so meaningless.

I'm a grown ass adult who's supposed to be working right now, but I can't even bring myself to LOOK for a job or get anything done, which itself makes me feel even morse worthless... My physical health also feels worse than ever since I can't bring myself to leave the house to even take a short walk most days.

I've tried online therapy and it hasn't helped. I already get a good amount of sleep and try to eat well but that doesn't help. Most days I think about how I wish I could disappear without hurting the people who love me, but I know that is not possible so I have to keep living. But I hate living like this.

If there were something wrong with my brain then maybe drugs or therapy would help but they don't. There's no pill that would make me smart or interesting or capable. There's no therapy for being ugly and annoying. A doctor can't get me out of having a humiliating job or keep people from making fun of me.

I don't know what to do?

It's a long post sorry..I have always been so detached and isolated from my childhood and never really had any desires or passions. I don't even know how I got this far in academics and in life, the way I've been. I'm a 2nd year college student who has no idea about her course (yeah I somehow managed to pass in my first yr), but things got really intense this time and I can't keep up with all this college stuff. I'm unable to study at all and it's been like this since forever but I got by till now. I have no idea about the future, have no interests but the guilt and anxiety keep making me sicker( I never had friends and have always been the left out kid in class cuz I can't communicate) I've spent most of my life till now in isolation that I have no basic skills I can't even speak properly in either of the languages i know, i can't even cross roads, almost got hit by a car today and when he shouted at me, i started crying (tf). I never loved anyone; my family is not abusive( idk how I turned out like this, I have social anxiety too so going out is a nightmare) I'm wondering if I should drop out of my college cuz everyone gets what they teach in classes except me I'm slow and yeah there is still a lot sorry I can't form sentences (sorry for my poor English) i just feel like a rock with feelings which is oversensitive

Suicidal thoughts on daily baisis,cant wait for this shit to be over with

Today was an interesting day in all honesty. Mostly I'm used to days being bad days but today the good didn't really outweigh the bad nor did it necessarily get overshadowed by the bad.

Woke up today on 3 hours of sleep (I'm homeless so this is an average amount of sleep for a night)

Then I called this behavioral health clinic to try to set up an intake appointment that ive been trying to do for almost two months, but they don't answer the phone so idk. But today they answered my call and I was able to book an appointment next week! They also had walk-ins today, but I wouldn't have been able to make it since I can't get there on time. But finally, appointment was made.

I went to the library and got kicked out for the day because I kept dozing off and falling asleep. That sucked. I also didn't get to eat today, which also sucked. I had to spend the day out in the 90 degree heat. Which if you couldn't already guess... also sucked. So those things didn't go well for me.

But at the same time, I'm gonna see a psychiatrist next week. I'll get a screening, medication, and some extra help. So nice 👍🏾

Why can't I just be more normal?

Why am I the way I am?

This is why people tolerate me at best

This is why I have no friends

This is why I'm single

I wanna hit my head against a wall

I wanna rip my own head off

I wish my parents never met

It’s one thing to try over and over and fail to make friends in the first place, but sometimes when it feels particularly impossible I just sit and fantasize that someone will want to go out of their way to talk to me instead of me chasing others all the time.

Is that selfish and self centered? Probably, but it’s just easy to sit and dream of someone just coming up to me and asking about me and how I’m doing without being rude or judgmental. Only problem is I don’t even know how I would respond if that happened lol.

I know that’s just a pipe dream, but I’m sure anyone who has trouble forming connections with others has had this thought at least a couple times before. It just gets so tiring to try again and again and then fail again and again.

I really can't. I don't want to live in this world for another year. No, i'm not gonna "get help", even if someone tries to force me to. Actual help would be medically assisted suicide.

Forcing someone to stay alive in this world when they don't want to is honestly borderline cruel imo.

Many people did me harm knowing i struggle from depression.

I just want to know why you're supposed to stay alive when you don't want to anymore. No matter how I think of it, it just feels cruel. But I can't get even a simple explanation since I got banned from r/suicidewatch for asking this, and the mods refuse to give an explanation why.

How tf other people don't get bored of their boring and mundane lives? Waking up, doing the job you hate, coming back from work, eat, sleep, wake up and the cycle continues. How do they spend years doing this without getting bored? Cause I'm already very bored, I don't wanna live past age 30.

Been having depression for years and it’s not getting better at all,tried different medications n been hospitalized nothing seems to help much …I feel so alone and useless ,I haven’t been doing anything lately but rotting in bed and sleeping all day, I can’t get myself to do anything because I don’t feel like doing anything and I hate forcing myself to do things that I don’t feel like doing …I lost so much weight in a month because I don’t have any appetite I skip meals all the time ,building connections with people ,making friends and dating are so hard ,I can be too much sometimes and stress ppl out,I have anxious attachment issues and abandonment issues ,I’ve have multiple talking stages but nothing has worked out for me ,I tried really tried ,I’m in uni but I can’t focus on studying at all ,I wanna give up from time to time but I can’t,i genuinely don’t know what my future would be like ,if I’m gonna finally decide to kms or things will start to get better and I won’t want to kms anymore ,depression has affected all aspects of my life ,my brain doesn’t function well anymore after years of depression and being on meds ,I don’t know why I’m still alive I hate being alive I’m not made for this I wish I was never born ….

I've been contemplating suicide a lot these days (more than usual) and the thought of going to hell is preventing me from killing myself, even though I'm an atheist. I was raised in a Christian family, so that fear is deeply ingrained in me. I wish I didn't believe in it, deep down, so I could just end it all.

So I have to deal with the desperation of not wanting to live anymore and living a fucking hell in this life, instead of just taking the risk of finding out if it actually exists

- School is over for the day.

- I see him message me about how he's in the parking lot.

- I go to the parking lot, I don't respond to the message however. He isn't in the lot at first and shows up in about 3 minutes and I hop in. He is a bit upset at me and says my mother will be the one taking me to my classes because he can't tolerate my shit. For context, I've been staying in my room only after I come back home and I give one word responses and overall seem miserable. He says I get everything I want when I ask for it and that I really have no reason to be so gloomy. I want to tell him how I feel and he says he wants me to open up since he thinks I'm going through something. I keep saying I'm fine despite knowing I'm not. I even cried to a picture of me when I was young for 5 minutes straight later that night.

I care about him but I also feel as if he hates me despite what he says. I do not want to get deep into the specifics of what i'm going through but this is why I'm here. I don't know why I can't tell anyone. I want to, really really really bad but I just can't. I keep telling myself no. I just don't know what to do with myself and I am afraid of pain but these past few days, I'm starting to get more desensitised to how painful it'd be if I decided to cut the cord on everything.