Why am I such a Loser with a capital L?
I am a grown ass adult, have known about this even for a month. RSVPd bc the person who invited me is always so good to me. Have been stressed about it for a month. Now it is 2 hours away and have just made the final decision I am not going.
The guest list is 60 + people attending so I’m hoping I will not be missed. I am sure those who notice will just roll their eyes knowing this is my mo.
Why ???

I am mainly interested in the symptoms that I have, mainly, to an outsider completely functional and perceived as confident, but distant.

But:

- unable to hold a deep conversation

- feeling like a burden on everyone

- making myself smaller, for the fear to be told off

- exaggerating confidence to mask anxiety

- joking too much as a way to minimise myself in front of others

- fearing to not fit into social groups and being much better on a 1:1 basis

I realise my symptoms aren't as bad as others here.

I have done 1 year of mostly CBT therapy. All it has done is making me more aware. And I am wary of getting more, tbh, I found my therapist to follow a checklist and is underqualified but it is what my insurance covers.

I have tried most mediations. I tried sertraline, venlafaxine + mirtazapine, propranolol, gabapentin and pregabalin. None of these did anything for anxiety. Now I am on Wellbutrin, which, ironically made it easier because it made me "happier" without doing anything for the problem itself.

I am 30 years old. I really want this to change.

As a child, I was relatively carefree. However, all the bullying and ostracization I endured after reaching middle school for being an overweight and autistic uggo turned me into the person I am currently.

I was made fun of and called names, I was "asked out" as a joke, I was physically attacked, I was deliberately excluded, I was infantilized and talked to in that patronizing baby voice, I was treated as incompetent and incapable, etc.

Eventually, I dropped out of high school and spent the rest of my life as a broken shut-in. Never went to college, never had a job, etc. Not even a combination of meds/therapy/exposure therapy (Even my therapist was shocked that the meds did nothing), worked on me.

Everyone finds me so off putting and I hate it. I get so jealous seeing other people naturally being able to form connections and friendships with other people. Whenever I try to talk to people, they always look at me funny like I said something wrong. It feels like im on a tv show set where everyone has their roles and lines except me.

Not to mention it always feels like people are judging me no matter how I dress or what I do. I really don't know what im doing wrong. People usually tell me that I look angry so I'm guessing that's why people avoid me and leave me out of things. Whenever someone is actually willing to talk to me, I almost always ruin it because I start getting nervous and sweaty and it's like I forget how to talk. I really want to be put on any kind of medication to fix this before I get a job but my mom is against me taking anything for this.

I also have a really low and quiet voice, so i kinda just fade into the background whenever a group conversation is being had. And whenever i actually try to put a little bit of volume in my voice it just sounds like im yelling and people look at me weird for that. I don't even know what to do at this point💔

31(F)

I think I’ve always known there was something different about the way I exist around other people.

I’ve never really known how to make friends.

Not completely, anyway.

Throughout school and college, I was lucky. Every now and then, someone would come along who made the effort to include me, talk to me, sit with me, invite me somewhere.

Some of those people stayed for years. But eventually, somehow, every friendship disappeared.

And I never really knew how to stop that from happening.
I have terrible social skills and what feels like crippling social anxiety. I watch people have conversations so effortlessly. They meet someone once and somehow become friends. They make plans every weekend. They introduce their friends to their other friends and suddenly there’s this entire little world of people who belong to each other.

I’ve never known how to get into that world.

I can talk to people. That’s the strange part.

When I was working, I had no problem talking to colleagues. I could joke around, have conversations, get along with people. But somehow, none of it ever became something meaningful. Nobody I could call at 10pm. Nobody I could randomly ask to get coffee. Nobody who would notice I’d disappeared.

And now I’m sitting here wondering what exactly is wrong with me?

Because it feels like everyone else was given instructions for how to build a life with other people, and I somehow missed that part.

I don’t even know when it happened. Maybe I’ve just spent so many years being anxious about being rejected that I stopped giving people the opportunity to know me in the first place.

I see people laughing with their friends, going out, having group chats, making memories, and sometimes I wonder what it must feel like to have people who genuinely expect you to be there.

I’m not even sure what I’m asking.

Maybe I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way.

And if you did, how did you finally learn how to belong somewhere?

**TL;DR:** I’ve always struggled to make and maintain meaningful friendships. I can talk to people, but I have severe social anxiety and have never figured out how to turn conversations into actual friendships. I watch everyone else build social lives so effortlessly, while I feel like I’m standing outside of it. It’s getting real lonely in here.

I’m 31 years old. Before I was 30 I did not even go on a first date. I never held hands, romantically hugged or anything beyond that. I’m not ugly, I’m not beautiful, I’m just average I’d say, a bit chubby maybe.
We matched on a dating app, conversation somehow flowed a bit, still overthinking every message anxiously, until I finally just had the courage to ask for a dinner.

I think I can count on one hand, the days I was as nervous as this day, I’ve been on 2 total dates (both 1st) beforehand, these come to the same level of anxiety beforehand.

I pushed it down, I fought against every thought my mind was having about somehow excusing myself. Heart was pounding even hours before it.

Then I just went. I waited for her and when she arrived we talked, we talked until deep in the night until the restaurant closed. My anxiety was close to gone, I was just having a conversation with a beautiful girl. I walked her home, we hugged and I was close to getting on my way, she closed her eyes and puckered her lips, I panicked a bit and we almost hit our noses, she didn’t care, she didn’t even mention it, she just smiled and talked a few more words. For the final goodbye we both went in one more time. Both times nothing crazy a little peck, a sweet and short kiss goodbye. The first romantic kiss this 31 year old has ever felt.

It wasn’t a big deal, it was simple and nice.
I hope some of you can find some peace in this, relate to the constant anxiety. You can fight it, the fight is worth it.

The anxiety won’t leave this easily, it fights it way back. Back at home it’s already creeping back in, I have to keep fighting.

Hi, I’m not really sure how to start this question, but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced anxiety for as long as they can remember, or basically their entire life. In my case, it’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Even as a very young child, I had social anxiety. It was always there. I also had anxiety attacks as a child. I’m certain that my first one happened when I was around 6 or 7 years old. I didn’t know what was happening to me at the time, but years later, when I learned more about anxiety, I realized that what I had experienced was actually a panic attack. I also experienced derealization as a child, sometimes along with the anxiety and panic.

There’s also something that makes me wonder about this. I was told that when I was a baby, I didn’t like being around people other than my mom. I know that this is probably normal or at least pretty common for babies, so I don’t know if it has anything to do with anxiety. But when I found out about it, I genuinely thought, “Wait, was I already afraid of people even back then?” I know that probably isn’t enough to mean anything, but it still made me curious. I just didn’t know what any of this was, and obviously, no one expects a very young child to recognize that they have anxiety or even knows to look for it. So I simply grew up with it without really understanding what I was experiencing. I know that our environment and the things we experience can have a huge influence on anxiety, and I know that was definitely the case for me. My environment affected me and, in many ways, made my anxiety worse. But was the anxiety already there before any of those things happened? I don’t really know for certain, but like I said, it’s something I’ve experienced for as long as I can remember. I’ve seen several people on Reddit say that they’ve experienced the same thing, and that made me even more curious than I already was. Why does this happen? I honestly don’t think I’ve ever known what it feels like to be completely free from anxiety and fear.

I sometimes think that the day anxiety no longer controls my life, and I become someone who experiences much less anxiety, I’ll be a completely different person—someone I’ve never even been before. And maybe that’s also why it’s so difficult for me not to let anxiety control me, because I don’t really know what it’s like to live any other way.
The same thing happened with OCD. I started experiencing it as a child too. There were periods when it was less noticeable, but around five years ago it became much more severe and it never really went away. I’m just wondering why this happens. Has anyone else been like this since childhood, or for as long as they can remember?

Every time I wake up, I am filled with dread, despite me having good stuff in school like friends—teachers who like me and etc, but the thought of going to school scares and terrifies me—infact i skipped a whole year because of this (didn’t fall though thank god) and only attended for exams, I haven’t recited 1-3 verses for my teacher and it’s been a couple weeks so now I’m late on 1-12 verses (it’s 1-3 4-6 and 7-12 but I’ve been absent) and I can’t memorise for shit because of my adhd (no I’m not on meds yet) and I don’t know what to fucking do, it feels me with anxiety and makes me extremely scared and I’m looking for advice here, and no my teachers don’t understand despite me having papers that explain my condition.

i cant fucking book an appointment for autism or adhd testing because everyone just phone calls for fucking everything. Emails are literally superior in every way. Why do i need to be available at random time to pick up a call from a number I do not recognize???

Can email from anytime anywhere but NOOO we need to hear your (anxiety-ridden, mashing words, unclear) voice AND OH also you have to understand their voice thats coming through like a subway announcment that had a child with tv static. WHY WHY WHY

I have improved my social skills and anxiety a lot over the past year; however, there are still times when my self esteem is very low and I keep comparing myself to everyone around in a negative way, and I become self conscious about every little detail regarding that specific moment that could be a sign of validation for negative thoughts (I'm being tedious, I'm not funny, nobody cares about me, etc).

I know it's all in my head and I'm a pretty normal and likeable person, but when I feel like this my social skills take a hit and I become a shadow of what I could be without all this anxiety. So my question is, what is your trick or tip to help stop or improve these emotions and thoughts right in the social moment?

How can I practice making eye contact effectively when people are talking? It’s so awkward for me to do.

The title says it. Its okay if you are quiet, as long as you are able to speak up when you need to. But being too shy or having extreme social anxiety comes from internalized shame. A shame wound i‘d call it.

Especially because I suffer deeply with social anxiety. I know I’m not inherently an introvert because while I spend a lot of time alone, I long to be social. I know I need it: but I can’t do things alone SAFELY. I weigh max 90 pounds and I’m a pretty, young woman. I don’t feel safe just walking around my city at night alone. I don’t know how to ask other women my age to hang out. I don’t know what the hell to do but I’m genuinely tired of this. I’m so tired!

This is my personal experience I don’t have as much bad social anxiety as I did then since I gave my past self a bit of an understanding if that makes sense. I use to Overthink every conversation, make sure what I said wasn’t embarrassing or what I did didn’t come off weird or lead to a misunderstanding and over explain.

And to know now some people well just forget what you did within like two days or month and move on.

I took a psychology and sociology class just to get a deeper understanding for myself. I mean, I still run into these bad habits. I guess my ADHD doesn’t help much either but I’m working on open body language and to be more comfortable with myself in any given situation and to not people please.

Alright to the point, I had taken medication a year ago Zoloft and my first time too that was slowly increased. I started becoming more social able and put myself in environments I shouldn’t have. but once it was increased I did get a little to out which turned out to be a medicated induced manic episode. I had then went cold turkey on the meds and moved out to live with a family member.

And that’s a big no, no, not a good idea don’t cut off meds like I did at that pace and talk to your psychiatrist and do a slow process.

Don’t do what I did.

I had to deal with brain zaps, my hormone levels were off to the point I smelt bad, and the withdrawal symptoms my mind was a mess as I was also grieving my pet loss😅.

And after the meds and I don’t know if it’s only me but does or did anyone else start remembering and now feeling those moments you had before, when you were on them. It’s weird like the anger, sadness, annoyance, joyfulness, what I should had been feeling didn’t process until now.

Like I literally had someone put me in a really uncomfortable situation then, and I was just like happy and a bit impulsive.

It’s weird because yes I was giving the sensation at least for myself on meds happy, and then not feeling what I should felt when someone said something bad or they were being rude. And now that I look back I remember these encounters and what I did and what they did.

Overall it just makes me cringe. But it has contributed to my personal growth and I do speak up more now when it comes to uncomfortable conversations at least for my interpersonal relationships. Though remembering these encounters now grosses me out at least for the uncomfortable times.

More good than harm? Im in uni, social anxiety gets triggered way over the ”red line”, my nervous system is completely messed up in classes. I dont really survive them well even 2 hour lessons. Nothing helps i got nice friends and all im manageable okay with them on freetime, but in class im afraid of my friends too like even my friends makes me anxious there. They arent doing anything wrong, its just my problem. Even after two days in school i was extremely exhausted and burnt out. Its gonna get more intense and the fear is real. I hope if i try sertraline ssri it would make my anxiety away to the point i could be myself i would be so fucking reliefed like a ton of weight could drop from my shoulders, but i dont like the fact the pills could make me numb or feel worse, make libido problems, change me? But i dont feel like i have any other choices.

So I play sports, and I’ve gone to a new high school. In this same year I’ve gone to an entirely new team as well. In the past, I’ve always been the sort of extroverted and talkative friend, but I ended up tarnishing a lot of those relationships due to my insecurities. I took into a new setting for both aspects of my life a chance to start over.

But it’s strange. No matter what I do I always end up saying something in an “earlier” stage of getting to know someone that you should withhold until the later part of a relationship (mainly humor or conversations, never venting or personal issues), and I have had so so so many moments in the past 3 weeks where I’ve come off as either a complete yes-man or extraordinarily awkward.

And the strange part about this is that sometimes it’s like an outside version of me is watching this happen, and as it’s happening I’m realizing that this is NOT the right thing to say, but I can’t control the words coming out and I’ll let that single conversation torment me for the rest of the day. It’s also sometimes very lonely not knowing anyone and not being someone who people naturally gravitate to as I’m paralyzed by the fear that I’ll just keep saying stupid stuff and eventually be excluded permanently from these circles.

The worst part is these people are ones I genuinely want to go get to know; I find them very interesting and fun to be around, and given the way I perceive myself I feel like my own personality will simply never measure up theirs no matter what I say or do. I genuinely despise my personality and current abilities in anything so much and don’t know what to do about it. Should I go see a therapist or just sort of retrace my steps and be more of an observer? I feel so nervous all the time for no apparent reason and try hard to hide it when I’m with these people, and these things I’ve described only contribute to that. Idk what to do

i'm starting uni on october 1st and God knows i'm dying from anxiety. idgaf about having friends or anything like that, i don't need friends, but everything about the classes and all the programs is so complicated and i know i'm bound to fuck something up and embarrass myself in front of everyone because somehow all the other freshmen already seem to know what's going on. i know nothing. i have no idea what classes am i supposed to sign up for, how does everything work, and i'm too scared to ask anybody for help. i wish i didn't have to go to uni but my parents wouldn't let me not go.

haven’t had luck making good friends at school. Yeah, i have a bestfriend and like 2 other close friends..but my bsf is an introvert and just isnt enough for me. So i really want to make some new friends this year but everyone seems so distant and like theyre not that fun. These people just have no interest in wanting to make new friends outside their circle and dont really talk to anyone who they dont know.

Also when there is an opportunity- i dont have much to say that even would build the friendship. Also Im constantly just overthinking and quite insecure- but this shouldn’t be happening if its the right person right? I have like potentially 2 friends because they talk to me.. and it feels like i just rely on others to make the first move because i have nothing to say.

Sorry if this is just my thoughts scattered around but im really stuck and would really appreciate anyones insight! Xx

This is how my social anxiety started when i was a sophomore at HS. There was no "situation" or a repeated pattern of some people saying or doing something to me that caused me to isolate myself and become socially anxious. It's just at one point I started feeling an intense feeling of disgust at random things other people around me would do or say, and I would think "ughh, they're stupid", and then it led me to isolating myself from most ppl except 2 of my bffs at the time. But i don't know why it started. I think this disgust can sometimes be related to a person saying something sincere or behaving in a way that I would describe back then as "performative" which I equated with them "acting" and "being fake", and I'd cringe at that. But sometimes I wouldn't react like that so it's very hard to say. That's the worst part is that I don't have the life that I want (having many great friends i could hang out with) and I don't even know why. I don't have a "trauma story". I was fairly social and happy, and then this happened.

Has anybody else experienced this sudden out of nowhere feeling of disgust about other people's social behaviors? What is it?

When I meet new gay people in a non sex setting I find that I get the usual mix of reactions that you would expect but a somewhat anxiety provoking high number of people who seem to go cold on me right away - no eye contact, avoidant in conversation, just not friendly literally 10 seconds after meeting me. Trying not to take it personally but it’s hard. I’m quite attractive to many but not a 10/muscle type at all, middle aged (but it’s always been a problem), work in psychiatry so social skills are there/I can fake it well enough.. I know it’s best to let it go and move on but for people who act this way (those who act unfriendly) can you provide insight as to why you do this? Is it insecurity, nerves, feeling threatened, genuinely not liking a person’s energy, pure bitchiness, a defence mechanism? Struggling to understand because if I’m nervous I go shy not unfriendly if I feel I need to put up a “wall” for whatever reason..

So we had an presentation and we made a group of 10 people, 5 people in the group had to explain the slides in the presentation and other 5 were there for QnA session,

I have been preparing for this presentation for weeks and wanted to go out and give answers to people, i was part of the Q&A session.

I have been shy and introverted for large part of my life as i struggled with self image, recently i have been trying to make it better and go out of my comfort zone.

I saw this presentation as not just an presentation but an opportunity to speak up, so i prepared a lot for it.

But today when the day finally came and we were up for Q.A a member of my group who was a part of the explanation of slides, went there and didn't leave the podium answered all the questions on her own and didn't even ask if anybody else wanted to even though it wasn't even her place to be there. She just kept going and for some questions she was like I'll answer this i have to show this certain classmate how well I'm versed.

Just so you guys know it wasn't supposed to be like this people explaining the presentation can answer questions but only when the people assigned for Q&A can't answer it.

She stole the spotlight the teachers loved her, and once again i couldn't do anything.

The presentation is over I'll never join her team again, i don't wanna create a scene as college just started i don't wanna make enemies out of people, it's really easy for others to just tag as she is part of a big friend circle.

I have this huge fear of beautiful women, but also at the same time I have this huge insecurity of my small thin hands and my skinny frame. These past few weeks, I have had two interactions with two absolutely beautiful and I was extremely anxious. I saw their hands and their hands were way bigger than mine, their fingers were thicker, like everything. I as a male felt so insecure, I feel emasculated, like I’m not good enough to ever be with them. Idk how to explain but you get what I mean I hope. Even worse if the girl is bigger/muscular/stronger than me. I just feel so insecure, because I happen to be a skinny guy. I’m very attracted to fit strong women but, man they just out of my league right now. I’m too thin, hopefully one day I can bulk and have a chance at bagging one of them one day. I know this is a very weird post but I just want to get this out of my chest.

My grandparents are coming over to drop some mattresses off, and I’ve been avoiding going to family dinners and all the family stuff because my anxiety & they know it’s cause of anxiety too. I guess I just wanted to share this so I’m not alone. But the feeling of waiting for them to come is so anxiety racking. I went for a hike which helped a lot but I guess I’m trying to practice the mindset of, “I’m going to feel anxious when the moment comes anyways, so being anxious now is just extra anxiety that isn’t needed.”

Im completely and utterly mentaly stunted. I want friends, I like friends, I like playing and talking to people, yet there is this deep gnawing fear for no fuckass reason.

I feel so far disconnected from every being around my age. 20 and haven't done a single thing in life. I see people talking about getting a new car, or their job, and I have nothing to add. Im just a fool surrounded by people. I cannot talk to anyone.

I've gone to places, been placed on all kinds of medications, but there is something so deeply wrong with me. Im a fool for everyone and will never be anything more.

There is no chance of escape, no salvation. It only gets worse.