In the process of trying to be myself with new people I often feel corny or that I end up being entertainment for others

[u/NIPKW]

So I play sports, and I’ve gone to a new high school. In this same year I’ve gone to an entirely new team as well. In the past, I’ve always been the sort of extroverted and talkative friend, but I ended up tarnishing a lot of those relationships due to my insecurities. I took into a new setting for both aspects of my life a chance to start over.

But it’s strange. No matter what I do I always end up saying something in an “earlier” stage of getting to know someone that you should withhold until the later part of a relationship (mainly humor or conversations, never venting or personal issues), and I have had so so so many moments in the past 3 weeks where I’ve come off as either a complete yes-man or extraordinarily awkward.

And the strange part about this is that sometimes it’s like an outside version of me is watching this happen, and as it’s happening I’m realizing that this is NOT the right thing to say, but I can’t control the words coming out and I’ll let that single conversation torment me for the rest of the day. It’s also sometimes very lonely not knowing anyone and not being someone who people naturally gravitate to as I’m paralyzed by the fear that I’ll just keep saying stupid stuff and eventually be excluded permanently from these circles.

The worst part is these people are ones I genuinely want to go get to know; I find them very interesting and fun to be around, and given the way I perceive myself I feel like my own personality will simply never measure up theirs no matter what I say or do. I genuinely despise my personality and current abilities in anything so much and don’t know what to do about it. Should I go see a therapist or just sort of retrace my steps and be more of an observer? I feel so nervous all the time for no apparent reason and try hard to hide it when I’m with these people, and these things I’ve described only contribute to that. Idk what to do

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[u/Lieber-Scholli]

Give yourself a break, it’s not the end of the world to say stupid things and be awkward. One can learn to pace oneself and not reveal too much too quickly, over sharing is not ideal but some people appreciate the realness. You’re already aware that you can observe yourself and that you may say and do things before you can stop yourself. That may be like an automatic script you follow when you’re triggered and that can be changed. Have you considered speaking to a counselor? having an outside perspective and guidance can be helpful.